Thursday, January 20, 2011

A Day In The Life

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Jen and I are often asked what it's like to be "professional" bloggers. How do we spend our days? Do we have a swimming pool filled with gold coins? Are there fantastic parties and gourmet ketchups? The answer to all these questions is yes. Jen even has a green dress. (But not a real green dress. That's cruel.)

That doesn't mean it's all fun and games, though. Sometimes we take naps.

In fact, I think I'll keep a diary for a day, just so you can see firsthand the "glorious life" of the "Professional Blogger." Enjoy!

------------------------------------------

1:00 pm - Woke up to cats hammering on door and yowling. Note to self: get thicker door. Also, new cats.

"Mrow?"


1:35 pm - Cats' yowls going super sonic. Ear plugs ineffective. Time for the Super Soaker.

"Mruh Mroh."

2:10 pm - Jen's awake. Cats are hiding. I ask in my best Kirk impression (complete with hand gestures), "JEN! Are... you... readytobe... funny? We come in peace, shoot to kill, shoot to kill!"

Jen:

Note to self: Avoid Kirk impressions before Jen's fully awake.


3:45 pm - Checked on Jen in the office. She has 27 browser tabs open and is humming "Loathing." So far, so good.


5:20 pm - Jen comes out of her office to reheat some "breakfast."

Pizza and Maalox: breakfast of champions.


7:20 pm - A yell from the office: "Oy! What're some puns for 'lactating?'"

7:32 pm - Final tally: Milking it, so cheesy, really sucks, staying abreast of the whole situation, whipped into a frenzy, creamy complexion, skim off the top, nipped a pair of area oreos


8:15 pm - Maniacal laughter coming from office.

8:21 pm
- Loud sobs coming from office.

8:30 pm
- Colorful swearing coming from office. Huh. Rapid mood swings may indicate low blood sugar. I bring Jen a cookie.

Effect is immediate. "Ohh, and also 'eat, drink, and be dairy!'"


10:45 pm - Heading to McDonald's for lunch.

Thank goodness we're not food bloggers. (Oh. Wait...)


12:20 am- Break time. Watching Castle with Jen.

*snorfle*


2:15 am- Jen heads back to the office. I'm off to bed.

(This was supposed to say "Just because." Seriously.)

3:35 am - Woken by a loud yell. Rushed out to find Jen staring horror-struck at a new e-mail:


"Why? WHY?!?"

4:04 am - Convinced Jen to come to bed. She lies in the dark, muttering, "Can't sleep. Lobster in blond wig will eat me."

I think it's going to be another long night.


Thanks to Lyle, James, Alistair, Carissa, Amanda M., Helen W., Elizabeth M., Kristin S., Eilen, Tyler O., Dana S., & Beatrice Y., for helping us avoid "real" jobs. Now: nap time!
The Boob Nazi said...

I thought the "just bed" was supposed to be "just dance," which made me happy for a moment.

Fluffy Cow said...

I was enraptured by "Just Bed"...

till I scrolled down.
*shudders*

BJ said...

What no Monkey cake? Haven’t you always wanted a mon-key!?

Thanks for all the laughs over the years.

CantStopBaking said...

Amazing. And I thought all you guys did all day was eat bon bons and make each other laugh.

Meghan @ Domestic Sugar said...

Nice to see your days are filled with sleeping sometimes! :) Love Bed!

Anonymous said...

I'll probably get nightmares, too. But my cat is way awesome-er than those cakes. But really. That pizza(was dat a cupcake cake!?) and burger were jacked-up bad!
-B

BigMomma said...

Jen's not the only one who's going to have nightmares about lobsters in blonde wigs.

Danger Boy said...

ROCK LOBSTER!!! Down, down...

Anonymous said...

OMG! That lobster...monstrosity...is unbelievable. Those suckers are huge!

I'm actually hoping hard they're real lobsters. Because the thought of somebody making such realistic lobsters out of cake, and then arranging them like that (complete with wig and...smoking cigar?) is too freaky. But making an arrangement like that (complete with wig and...smoke bomb?) seems completely rational (in comparison).

Thanks for the glimpse into your...remarkable...lifestyle =).

The Black Dog said...

That lobster cake is nightmare fuel!

Also, could they have shoved any more frosting on that pizza CCC? I think I'd go into sugar shock just by smelling it.

Fysh Phoenix-- said...

BARE NAKED LADIES WIN!

Stoich91 said...

NOT THE INFAMOUS WIGGED LOBSTER!!!

Yeah, no; you guys totally have the life. Sitting by the pool, long naps, gourmet food...lobster, anyone?

Thanks for the hilarious post!

Sharon said...

As a Canadian, I appreciate the BNL reference! :D

The cakes lately have been SUPER creepy. Good thing I don't read your posts at night, otherwise I'd probably have nightmares!

Trevor said...

nice BNL reference there. Do you have a million dollars yet?

Um, yeah, lobster in a wig? Scary!!

And is it just me, or is that some kind of chain and NOT edible dragees on the castle cake?

Tracy A said...

Has anyone else noticed the Jamie Hyneman (lookalike?) in the background of the Lobster cake picture? Freaky!

Jenn T. said...

I want to see a cake of John Merick's remains (all them crazy elephant bones). ;)

Jenniffer said...

Mad props for the Barenaked Ladies references, and I don't mean the lactation jokes, iyouknowwhaddimean!

WV: brandi - a fine girl

VeggieT said...

That cake wasn't suppose to say "just because" obviously it was SUPPOSED to say "just epcot..." any-who awesome insight into your daily lives, thanks again

Ashley P said...

i just want you to know that i am sitting by myself laughing myself to tears in a coffee shop, looking like a crazy person. i hope you're happy.

Kevin Phair said...

Castle cake: why sugar cubes? What is on top? Why does it say "ooo Poop" on it?

Sandy C also in SoFla said...

Okay, what the heck is that 3rd one supposed to be???? I looked close, at a distance, with one eye, went back for another take, and I still cannot figure it out.

And the Blonde lobster and her/his troup of acrobat cheerleader lobsters. I will never be able to look at lobsters the same again.

Thank you:-)

Anonymous said...

Isn't that the guy from Myth Busters in the background behind the Lobster Tower of Nightmares?

Adorably Dead said...

Shoot to kill! I loved this post, so funny.

Sharon said...

I love the fact that you get to sleep until 1:00 in the afternoon.

If that is suppose to be a cat in the first picture, WHAT are the round pink things on it's forehead? Stubs from the horns that were ripped off? I'm getting images of Hellboy here.

Sharon's Edible Art

SuBee said...

I think you should do an entire post in "Kirk Speak," just bed I'd like it.
Thank you

Custom Cakes by Penny said...

Oh, I hope those are real lobsters because surely they didn't put KALE on a cake! But since this is CAKE Wrecks, I'm guessing that is actually a cake. Seriously, Kale tastes nasty on a salad, so let's put it on a cake!

And really, sugar cubes?? Really

Jen_in_Kansas said...

SPOT ON with the Bare Nakes Ladies reference!! You guys make my day!

Allie said...

Yay Barenaked Ladies reference. That made me happy.

And that lobster pile up is scary...

Classic Steve said...

@Sandy: I'm guessing the third cake is supposed to be a horse.

Anonymous said...

"Theeeeeeeeeere's Klingons on the starboard bow - scrape 'em off, Jim!"

thesacredandtheprofane said...

I think "Can't sleep, lobster with blonde wig will eat me" needs to be the next big internet meme. I'm just sayin'.

Btw- BNL references FTW!

Haven't you always wanted a mon-KEY?!?!

WV: wheemen- never go swimmin with bowlegged wheemen...

Kelly said...

I think that third one is Bad Horse.

Humming "Loathing" ...funny! I can be caught humming Loathing now and then, also the Bad Horse song.

kerosene said...

And then there's reading all those comments!

Thanks for the laughs!

Kristin aka kjnohr aka Trekkie Gal said...

Any post that starts off with a BNL reference is bound to be awesome. :)

Toriisen said...

ROFL!!! Please find the story behind that lobster cake!!!

Btw I like Castle too. Think Beckett and Castle will finally get together this season?

Anonymous said...

Is Cake #2 really a cat? I thought it was a polar bear with yellow trim. Or maybe a poodle.

Is that lobster "cake" made with real lobsters?

Anonymous said...

Aw. If I had a million dollars, I'd fly to Florida and stalk y'all. (See, and now you know I'm from Texas). I'm also skipping the 99 cent pizza at work today - thanks.

-K-dogg

Adrienne said...

Yum!All the fanciest DIJON ketchups! And do you have a Picasso or a Garfunkle?

Sharyn in Superior said...

Soooo many thoughts. Let me essplain... no, there is too much. Let me sum up.

Great BNL reference.

My alarm cat, Inigo, is also in hiding until he dries off.

Our favorite lactation joke involves calling the "La Leche League" the "La Leaky League."

Next on Mythbusters, we tackle the myth of the chain-smoking, post-coital lobsters.

EG said...

The Barenaked Ladies reference made me smile this morning!

Melissa said...

I didn't see anywhere in your post where you were gonna eat Kraft dinner... and then eat some more with your dijon ketchups.... :)

The lobsters. I was laughing till I was horrified by the lobsters.

JiniZ said...

Dr. Demento WIN!

Lobster cake...fai...wi..fwin? Being from a beach resort town, I kind of like it.

Elizabeth said...

I think cake 3 is an angry bull.

Can't work out *what* is going on with that castle cake, though. Sugar cubes? Well at least they're edible, unlike the wrapping of - is that the bobbly chain stuff you get on bathplugs? Surely not. And is that jam on top of the turrets?

And what on earth is up with the figures on the top? What is the front one in the fright mask doing ? Whatever it is, the one behind really wishes he wasn't there to see it.

Christy said...

Great, now I'M going to have nightmares. *shudder*

Stephanie said...

This was highly entertaining. My reaction to the lobster cake was the same as Jen's (though if those lobsters actually are made of cake I would actually eat them, as opposed to real lobsters).

Oh, and extra cool points for being Castle fans. :D

Ruthie said...

I thought the burger was supposed to be a planet?!? :)

Jennifer said...

Castle!!! Yay you watch Castle...and that lobster cake is going to give me nightmares!

Lynalysa said...

Whoa!You guys are total night owls!I totally missed that you guys woke up at 1 PM until Sharon pointed it out. Thanks for making me feel better about my own sleeping habits. :)

Daniel said...

Is the lobster thing really a cake?

I'm pretty sure that those are real. I've worked with lobsters before and those just look too perfect to be fake. (The rubber band marks on their claws are a detail I wouldn't have expected if they weren't real.)

Helena said...

*Wiping yogurt off the screen*
Seriously.

Elizabeth C. said...

Bj, Not really - Just a Llama and an Emu are fine with me...

My reaction to the lobster thing "Whoa... wow... whoa... Is that lobster in a wig...smoking?... with a matching boa on the Topiary...AND OH MY GAWD THAT'S HINEY-MAN! someone is even pointing at him!!!"

Amanda Mac said...

What? No llama or emu cakes?

Aliza said...

As a night owl, I'm jealous that you can shift your "day" like that (sigh)

Your cats flip out after 9 hours of sleep? Yup, you need new cats. Preferably of the stuffed toy variety ;)

#1 could have been cute if the wreckerator had just a little more skill. #2 and #3 are -- are you *sure* that's meant to be a cat?! They're scarily bad even for a monster

#4 this CCC pizza cake is better than most CCCs (patooie)

#5 Why is there a strangely shiny half-naked woman on a cake? Is this a picture of Amber?

#6 Why is there more icing than cookie? Why are there pink, red and green splotches? Sprinkles? Brown icing? None of it makes any sense!

#7 Is sad, but at least recognizable.

#8 a 'castle' without buying a proper bundt pan. But sugar cubes? how disgusting. And I think @Trevor's right-- those aren't dragees.

#9 Maybe that was for Lindsay, who's on a "Bed or" roll? The wreckerator was tired and/or sick and wanted to go home to bed? The person who ordered it was very, very attractive?

#10 That looks like REAL lobsters?! With kale! Are you sure there's cake in there? Or is just meant to horrify us? (It worked).

PS I, too, chuckled over the Barenaked Ladies lyric! Although... I guess we're bringing that old CD into the Epcot bunker?

Anonymous said...

humming "Loathing"...ahahah! now its in MY head :(

-Moochmom

Chriss said...

Thaaannkks. Now my waking days are haunted by super-transformer lobster gestalt in a blond wig. And, apparently, smoking.

O-O

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go traumatize my Facebook friends with this.

Anonymous said...

The guy in the background of the lobster tower picture is NOT Jamie Hyneman.

First of all, the beard appears to be the wrong color and too long. The guy in the picture looks like his beard is black/gray and looks like it is covering his neck (albeit that it is hard to tell in the picture). Jamie's beard is reddish and does not go past his chin.

Second, look closely at the hat. The *only hat* Jamie wears is a black *beret*. And the guy in the picture looks like he's wearing some kind of caption's hat.

So, sorry everyone but the guy is NOT Jamie Hyneman.

The Karkins Family said...

OMG! But not a real green dress - that's cruel! LOL!

You really should get a Mon-key!

T said...

I think the lobster is actually Lady Gaga...

(and I laughed OUT LOUD at the "green dress" - love it!)

J. said...

What are you and that lobster smoking, John? ;-)

Also, cats HATE closed doors. Just open it a crack. They'll come in, take a sniff, then leave you alone. Or not.

No Cake Fo' YOU!!! said...

OMG that was a burger??? *scratching and shaking my head*

kirazi said...

Oh god. That lobster is something out of MY nightmares. Seriously. When I was about 5 I had a nightmare involving a giant lobster erupting through the floor on my house and sucking people's insides out with its giant claws. (My mother later woke up and found me on the couch, muttering about a lobster in my bed trying to eat my toes).

Anonymous said...

I agree - that looks like the guy from MythBusters in the background of the last picture. That would explain A LOT.

Jess said...

Darn you guys and the tricky timing of drinking while reading your blog, just cleaned coffee off the computer monitor...anywhoodle...after nursing 5 children (at different times and different years) I have yet to make whipped cream come from my tata's...someone envisioned talent!!!

PS...my laughter is only further induced by my word verification word for commenting today repasty...ie when you reattach your pasty..hehehehe

Demeter said...

I'm scrolling through these with my husband and we get to "Just Bed" I ask what does that mean?? and he immediately says, "no sex, just bed." LOL

Adrienne said...

definitely enjoyed the bnl reference :)

StephanieC @ Seriously?? Really? Seriously? said...

Ahhh John, you had me at the Barenaked Ladies song and then had me seal away my soul to the cat's "mrow".

You, my friend, are the cat's "mrow".

Pizza and burger CCW's are just so very wrong. Yuck.

Also?

Mrow.

Anonymous said...

I bet you have pre-wrapped sausages, but you don't have pre-wrapped bacon.

(Sorry is someone else wrote this since I didn't read all the comments)

Margaret said...

bWhat interesting works of art!!! (And I'm sure I don't mean Picasso OR Garfunkle...)

mladybright said...

I cannot believe how in tune I am with this site. Or maybe I can, but I'm trying not to accept it.

Lunch at 10:45 pm -- sounds good.

Castle -- drool.

Does that cake have to say 'oro poop'? In defense, it does look like gold poop from some angles.

Giggle - just bed. Lovely.

I knew there was something wrong about whole lobsters. Lobster mobster's molls in Dolly Parton wigs are just just as bad.

I'm glad to be back home and in connection to a computer, just to come back to CW!!

~~Di

WV - vialaten -- I do believe some of these cakes be vialaten a body.

Anonymous said...

The intro made my day. Not often you get to use a BNL reference. You guys are so awesome!

DLou said...

Re: the man behind the lobster cake--It's like he's some sea-faring ghost done in by the wigged lobster. Sort of like the ghost that appears in the window during a scene in "Three Men and a Baby."

It also looks like there is another person pointing at the man from behind the wall. This is creepy.

Anonymous said...

Is number 1 a cross between a cat and HellBoy? Would that be a hellcat?

michelej said...

Oh, my crackers! You had me at "gourmet crackers"! (love the BNLs)

The lobster thing was horrifying... I can't unsee that, you know...

Cutelilsnot said...

But not a REAL blond wig,
That's cruel!!
(The technicolor poo on the cookies was pretty cruel, too).

Catstina said...

Pizza breakfast and burger lunch. Now that's a good day!

WV: Redairyo - When one runs out of dairy and must run to the store and purchase more... re-dairy yo!

aprillikesbikes said...

"Theeeeere's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow, there's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, Jim!"

When I was growing up, my dad had some tapes of songs played on Dr. Demento. Thanks for the flashback. :^)

BOOT TO THE HEAD

Lauren Towers said...

OK LOLZ to end a really crappy day, but now lobster...and I live alone *wibble*

WV: ledewearat a rat in lederhosen

Angie said...

Great....now I am craving Kraft dinner. Thanks a heap!

Karla said...

My 5 year old son was looking at these after I laughed at the lactating jokes (he didn't see the visual). He then asks what the next ones were (heart shaped?). I said "I have no idea" and he said, "Maybe girl chests?".

pikkewyntjie said...

Thanks for the mammaries!

WV: unced

My comment should have been left unced.

Doctor Tarr said...

It's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it.

Lydia said...

Lol, That was a pizza cake! Get it? Pieze o' cake? Haha!

Cakebuilder said...

Quoting BNL - as if I needed another reason to love you guys!

katiem said...

Thanks for the barenaked ladies reference!

Anonymous said...

You guys are even cooler because you watch Castle.

Rock on.

:) Sara

Emi said...

Do you also have pre-wrapped bacon?I love the blog, the Barenaked Ladies reference just made me love your blog all the more.

Anonymous said...

O_o to the boob cake. To the rest of them... WTF

Anonymous said...

I have Star Trekkin' as a favorite on Youtube (shoot to kill, shoot to kill)!!

-Barbara Anne

P.S. feed the cats, silly! no need for new ones

Amauriel said...

Please, Please, Please make more Barenaked Ladies references. As many as you can. Although you are at least one up of most sites, and rose quite a bit in my personal standings today.

Thanks.

F. Pelayo said...

What's the lobster in the wig holding in its right claw? o_O

Anonymous said...

Ahaha! I'll have that song stuck in my head through the weekend, craving "Kraft Dinner" all the while.

P.S. Isn't that what Kraft Mac and Cheese boxes actually say on the front in Canada? "Kraft Dinner"? What's that all about?

MissNay said...

What boob made the lactation cake? Maybe someone trying to pay their way through nursing school. That cake could be used as a weapon of mast destruction. Bra-vo, wreckerator. Well, anyway, regardless of appearance I would totally engorge myself on that cake. Especially if it was pinipple upside down cake.

Arlene said...

Oh great now I too fear that lobster in a blond wig. If it comes to eat me in my dreams I am bringing you all with me lmao. Seriously just throw water on it and maybe the thing will melt into oblivion where it belongs!

Craig said...

#1 What on earth is that? To what are the arrows pointing?

#2 A dog wearing a disguise, perhaps? Just looking at all that frosting makes my teeth hurt.

#3 A sloth with a major attitude problem -- almost an oxymoron.

#4 There are no words.

#5 There are no safe words. Except perhaps 'dairy queen'. I don't mean the brand.

#6 This could have been so nice, until it was sucked into the Sandra Lee zone. I have no quarrel with buttercreme, but parts of this look like actual butter -- strike 1. Real bead chains? Yeah, that's safe -- strike 2. The topper looks like two pieces from a Samurai chess set. Why? What does 'seafoop' mean? How did they manage to get artificial flowers to wilt? Strikes 3 through 5.

#7 [The Barry Manilow marathon on the p.a. is interrupted by:] "Dr. Freud to the bakery, Dr. Freud to the bakery, STAT."

#8 I need to know where this occurred so I can be sure never to go there. A lobster with a blond wig & smoking? Really?

I can see college students pulling something like this during a break in an all-night cram session. But to think that actual grown-ups were paid to make a tower of lobsters...

I'm 90% sure that's Jamie Hyneman from 'Mythbusters' in the background -- that might explain this. (You can't go by the color of beard, etc. because like most indoor digital pictures, this photo has color correction issues.) I think this was the episode where they set out to disprove that one must be a rational adult in order to be a caterer. Busted!

WannaBHealthy said...

ZOMG. I am just a Barenaked Ladies dork. Thanks for that commentary, as if I didn't love you guys enough already!!!

Jen

Krista F. said...

Love the BNL reference :)

Julie said...

if i had a million dollars
i'd buy you a monkey
haven't you always wanted a mon-key!

Loo-E Loo-I said...

Love that Beatles song!

I read a blog today, oh boy
About a man who gets to grade
A bunch of cakes that are rather sad
Well, I just had to laugh
I saw the photograph
I spewed my coffee out on my screen
I noticed that the spelling had changed
A crowd of people sat and commented
They'd seen this before
Nobody was really sure if it was Spaceship Earth

I saw a video today, oh boy
Someone was trying to return a misspelled cake
The manager turned them away
Falker Satherhood
Doesn't sound too good
I'd love to 'tern u won'

A cake that says "Just Bed"
And another cat with a mis-shaped head
A wreckerator had used a styrofoam cup
I looked up and noticed that pizza cake (eww eww)
John woke up to yowling cats
Jen looked at cakes of phallic bats
I found my way to the end of your day
I will have nightmares of that lobster cake
AHH! AHHHH! AHHHHH! AHHH-AHHHHH!

I read a blog today, oh boy
Four thousand sprinkles on so many cakes this year
And though the sprinkles were rather small
Jen had to comment on them all
Even though "I want sprinkles" there were none at all
I love Cake Wreck blog!

TexasBlueEyes said...

I think that second one is a polar bear. Am I seeing things?

Mel said...

Now I can't stop singing "Loathing." Thanks.

BADKarma! said...

Lobsters in blond wigs; singing "Happy Birthday, Mr. President", ala Marilyn Monroe; will now haunt my dreams forevermore. Thanks.

msbarrows said...

LOVE the Bare-naked Ladies reference. The lobster cake was just... just... O.o

tangeria said...

mmm, dijon ketchup....all the finest gourmet ketchups money can buy. =)

Becky said...

Love the BNL reference!

Kat said...

The pizza one is too hilarious!

Gooseberryfool said...

The pink garland thing wrapped around the little tree in the background of that frightening lobster cake kind of cracked me up, plus the guy with the walrus mustache looking ocnfusedly at that lovely cake and decor.

hyphen8 said...

Oh great, now I'm going to have "Loathing" stuck in my head. (Alternate earworm for this post: Rock Lobster)

Just Bed is maybe a shirt candidate? ;)

Off to find my Wicked soundtrack...

tiny purple elephant said...

the lobster in a blond wig in all her glory holding i duuno what in her claw !!! would love to know the story behind that. speaking of behind, there are some yummy looking puff pastries behind the lobster...

Anonymous said...

You keep the same hours I do. Nice to know I'm not the only one. My relatives and friends keep trying to change me. Heck, I'm retired, no reason not to stay up all night and sleep during the day, right? right? Oh, hell.
~physicsmom

Edit: WV = forist; those lobsters were frolicking in the forist!

Heather D. said...

Can you do a day in the life of me next? Will involve lots of baby crying and cooking and stepping on toys that hurt like hell and occasional short stents of sleep. Just an idea! :-D

Jess Parsons said...

Well, duh! You've heard of wedding cakes, and groom's cakes - the lobster cake is obviously the mother-in-law cake!

Selky said...

As someone with a lobster, and fish, phobia ( Fun vocab words! Ostraconophobia and Ichthyophobia.) that Lobster cake was unbelievably frightening!

Anonymous said...

Laughter and swearing followed by...loud cussing, I'm sure there's a medical condition with those symptoms...

Lyle, James & Alistair said...

As the submitter of the "cat" in #1, that was SUPPOSED to be an easter bunny, according to the baker. To us, it looked like a beheaded goat with bloody horn stumps...my 1-year-old couldn't figure out why mommy was cackling like a loon while standing in the bakery

David said...

Great Scott! That last lobster cake made me reminisce about "Teenagers from Outer Space", a B-movie if ever there was one!

Karen Luckie said...

I love the show Castle! And I love real castles too! But I do not love this cake. Not at all. haha, great job guys!

kevin blumer said...

really realy impresive cakes a bit like that contest a while ago its amazing what you can do with a bit flower and iceing sugger they must take ages to make

Anonymous said...

Reminds me of some twisted opera....

I thought the cake perhaps said "Guest Bed" maybe its like the mint on the pillow, except way messier.