Literally Puzzling

Each of the photographs below represent a cake order gone wrong. Can you find the errors? The first puzzle gives you a hint. (Answers below.)

A) [hint] Sara is also a mom.

Well, I guess it *does* beat "Sara, SLASH Mom."

B)

As Number 1 pointed out to me, at least they didn't write "War Eagle" in auburn icing. Although in my mind, that's just wrecking it further. If you're going to go literal, go literal. Am I right?

C)

Something tells me this cake has something to do with CPEN.
CPEN CPEN CPEN CPEN.
Huh. Yeah, I don't know where I'm getting that.

Say something nice about Wade M., Nancy S., & Jessica K. to thank them for the pics.

Answer Key:
A) Wreckerator is a pacifist
B) Wreckerator hates drawing
C) CPEN CPEN CPEN

Update from John: So, apparently, the Auburn Tigers greet each other by yelling "War Eagle." Yeah. But we Trekkers are the weird ones. Anyhoo, so I suppose if you want to get all technical and correct about it, that cake is not a Wreck. But, it's too late to take it down. And we're tired. And it's Friday. So, we're all moving on. Right? [meaningful look at commenters] Right. We're moving on.

A "Dreme" Come True

"Welcome back to round one of the National Wreck Bowl, folks. Our reigning champion, Pat Wüfflehausen, has filled his pastry bags and is ready to attempt a new world record.

"Greg, this is obviously a huge challenge for Wüffelshausen. What do you think he's feeling right now?

"Well, he ate the same lunch we did, Pete, so probably nauseous and constipated."

"Hey, I did warn you about those samosas, buddy. Aaaand here we go! Our champ is now in position. Looks like he's assessing the area...he's preparing to pipe...and...

"A-HA! Would you look at that? Right out of the gate, he has destroyed the first word!"

"Tell me, Greg, how many points would you say that misspelling is worth?"

"Oh, I have no idea."

"But if you had to take a shot in the dark?"

"Well, I'd probably spill it."

"No, no, I mean...Uh, tell you what, let's just move on to round two."

"YES!! Wüfflehausen just manages to knock out the second word! That was quite a close call, turning the 'I' into an 'E', don't you think, Greg?"

"Only when absolutely necessary, Pete."

"Haha, sounds good. Well, folks, this is it: the final round. And, uh-oh! Look what just got plunked down on the playing field!

"Greg, it's going to be pretty tough for Wüfflehausen to misspell "achieve" with that star stamp right next to him. Do you think he can pull it off?

"Well, sure! It's just a tiny plastic pick - probably doesn't weigh a thing."

"No, no, sorry, that was my fault there, Greg. I mean, do you think he can do it?"

"Do what?"

"Right, let's get back to the action! The crowd is hushed with anticipation, and you can almost feel the tension in the air, can't you, Greg?"

"Abso-lutely not!"

"And here we go...and, oh! Oh! It looks like he could...go...all..the...way!

"YES!! Do you believe in miracles?!?"


"Well, there was that time my mother-in-law fell down the stairs..."

"And that's a new World Record! To those of you at home, thanks for tuning in, and good night!"

Annie, I think I'd call this the "Hale Mary" of Wreckerating.

- Related Wreckage: The Teacher Tearjerker

The Cat's Meow

{cue sexy saxophone music}

"Oh my... Hello, beautiful lady. I didn't see you come in. Welcome to The Kitty Den, where all of your wildest fantasies can come true. I was just about to slip out of this stiff collar and enjoy a fresh bottle of wine by the fire. Won't you... join me?"

"This wood is big enough for two."

"Or purrrhaps you'd prefer to snuggle with someone a bit more... soft?"

"His claws have been trimmed and he was flea-combed just for you, baby."

"But maybe you're the kind of girl who likes things...dirty."

"Our alley cats are ready for a roll in the hay (or chocolate shavings, if you so desire)."

"That's right, sugar. Here at The Den, our fancy felines fire all of your foxy fantasies."

"Oh, don't mind Gary. He's just our I.T. guy."

Thanks to Violet, Ginger, Kat (how appropriate), and Mary for these handsome hunky hairballs. Mrrow...

- Related Wreckage: Stop the Insanity!

Flotsam Plops

The concept is simple: take an otherwise passable cake, and then stick a completely unrelated piece (or pieces) of plastic flotsam on it. Voila! Flotsam plop.

Oh, and when I say "completely unrelated," I mean "completely unrelated."

And lo, unto us a carrot cake is borne.
And high, we suspecteth the Wreckerator was. Eth.

Look, this carrot cake was doing just fine without divine accompaniment - so why the plastic angel pick? Did the Wreckerator think that was actually helping, or was s/he meeting some flotsam distribution quota?

Care to pick a pack of plops?

The migrating guitar herd strikes again.

Here's how you pander to fanboys and fangirls everywhere:

No, no, it's not a blue dog - it's a BAT dog. Sha-pow!

Plus, that upside-down bat logo tells us he sticks to the ceiling!

Bringing "downward facing dog" to new heights.

Perhaps you don't think these examples have been ridiculous enough, though. Nooo problem. What would you say to Dora the Explorer's head stuck in another doll cake's lap?

Go ahead. Try and imagine that's just the world's largest, creepiest belt buckle.

Personally, I'd say "Hola, Dora! S-O-C-K-S!" Because that's all the Spanish I know. I never learned what it means, though, so here's hoping it's not something dirty. (Although, frankly, that might be appropriate here.)

I have some thoughts about the snowman in the gal's lap behind Dora, too, but for all our sakes I'll leave that to you guys in the comments.

So, just how bad is the flotsam plop epidemic getting?

This bad:

Because even cake sold by-the-slice needs accessorizing.
And Superman beats everybody at bowling.

Katrina S., Lisa K., Dawn, Frzn D., & Jane D., "flotsam plops" is officially my new favorite phrase. Flotsamplopsflotsamplopsflotsamplops. Heehee!

- Related Wreckage: Totally Cheating

When Cake Becomes a Crime

Most wrecks are funny. Some are tragic. A few even make us cringe.

But then there's another kind of wreck: A wreck so heinous, so warped, so jaw-droppingly wrong, that it is a crime against humanity itself. These wrecks' very existence should be a punishable offense.

You know, stuff like this:

My apologies to those of you with weaker constitutions; I know how hard this is to look at.

What's that? You don't think butchering the Enterprise in this manner is a crime worthy of judicial condemnation? Really?


Man, it's like I don't even know you anymore.


Well, fine, then. I'm sure you'll at least agree that this next one deserves the old heave-ho:

There she blows! (Chunks, that is.)

"That glistening pile is quite retch-ed, wouldn't you say, Ralph?"

"Ug, thanks for bringing that up, Chuck."

I'm also starting to think that black icing should be a controlled substance:

You know, have it locked up in the back somewhere, with a designated icing distributor on-site.

[twirling police baton] "So you want some icing, eh? And what will you be using it for?
A black smeary pit to stick plastic butterflies in?
Yeah, forget it, bub. Move along."

Admit it: That would be awesome.

Another common cake crime is the use of edible photo paper. Sure, a few cake artists can wield this WMD without causing wide-spread horror and gnashing of teeth, but most bakers use it to further the cause of chaos and evil.

And by "chaos and evil," I of course mean former Baywatch babes:

Busted!

I'm not sure which is scarier: the icing "hair," the obvious disregard for neck transitions, or the fact that these are actually the correct proportions for Pamela Anderson's body. [shudder]

Becky D., Rebecca I., Frances & Chris O., and Amanda I., if Brownie Husband ever becomes a reality, then I guess this won't seem so bad, huh?

- Related Wreckage: Guess Who!

Sunday Sweets: Gettin' Crafty

I looove crafts. I'll try just about any of them at least once before getting frustrated and giving it up. Open-minded but impatient: that's me!

Well, today's Sweets all have elements that look like needlework, or knitting, or papercraft, etc - but they're all completely edible. Very cool. Promise.

Here we go!


I've done cross stitch since I was 12, but the few times I tried actual needlework/embroidery it turned out...well...let's just say not nearly as pretty as this:

(Submitted by Libby G. & made by Dragonsanddoffodils)

So now I know: Next time, try it with icing.

Oh, and speaking of cross stitch, check THIS out:

(Submitted by Jen. Baker unknown)

I was just reading a tutorial on this in a recent issue of ICES. There are molds for the cross stitch cloth, and then you pipe the tiny stitches using royal icing. Even this close, it looks just like the real thing! Plus, you can use any cross stitch pattern. Very cool.

I'm not sure which craft this next one would be, exactly, but I love how it looks like a heavy fabric wrapped loosely around the cake:

(Sub'd by Jennie S. & made by The Cakemaker)

That's actually rolled white chocolate. Great use of texture.

For you quilters out there:

(Sub'd by Bernise C., made by Heather C. & her friend Carol)

Patchwork quilting, that is. It looks so soft, like the whole cake is really a huggable plush!

How about some crochet?

Pretty, right? Ah, but wait until you see a close up of that christening gown:

(Made Cake Central member sweetpea8)

That is ALL ICING, y'all. Hand-piped to mimic the crocheting of the real christening gown. For realz. Wowza.


Ever try quilling? I did (once), and the results can be so pretty; delicate and intricate. You basically takes tiny strips of paper and wind and twist them into shapes. One of the best quilling artists I've ever seen is Yulia Brodskaya - just look how gorgeous:


So now that you know what it is, can you spot the quilling on this cake?

(Sub'd by Heidi M. & made by the Vanilla Pastry Studio)

Even some of the flowers look like curled paper - and the others are like ribbon and fabric. So, so pretty.


Sweet Assignment: Next week I'll be featuring Fashion Sweets: gorgeous dresses, fabrics, accessories, or anything couture-inspired. Have one to nominate? Then send it to me at Sunday Sweets [at] Cake Wrecks [dot] com!

- Similar Sweets: That Takes the Cake, Pt 1

Dolly Wants to Play...

There really is nothing more terrifying than a creepy baby doll. I'm serious. They freaked me out as a kid and still manage to scare the pants off me today, what with their static staring eyes and little outstretched zombie arms and all.

Thankfully, there's a new baking trend that makes these dolls waaaaaay less creepy. (I'm lying; these are terrifying. Proceed with caution.)

Don't... make... eye contact...

All tucked in, and ready to kill.

"Ooh! I'll take that corner piece..."

"...and an arm. But that's it. I'm dieting."

Note: This cake is not to scale.

Usually the pacifier is much larger.

Is it impolite to suck frosting off the baby's legs?

It is? Poor taste, huh?
...
Ok, what about its head?

...

No? Fine. I'll just collect my watermelon and show myself out.

Thanks, Valentina, Liz C., Carrie J., and Dana S.! Ya know, these cakes started out as creepy , but now they're looking kinda DELICIOUS. Mmmm.... babies.... grlslgrsagagagle.....

- Related Wreckage: Come On Barbie, Let's Go Party

The Day the Spaceship Earth Stood Still

Wow, is it Earth Day already? Hard to believe it's been almost a year since the Epcot Episode.

Yep, for you wreckies who've joined us in the past year, Epcot made its unintentional Cake Wrecks debut in honor of Earth Day, 2009. You can read the original post here, but in a nutshell: I posted a Spaceship Earth cake, and then made the mistake of calling it a Spaceship Earth cake. We then got about fifty billion comments (give or take fifty billion) telling us it was NOT Spaceship Earth, but Epcot. Many also helpfully pointed out that you could tell it was Epcot by the Disney font used on the cakeboard.


Now, as every Disney Geek knows, Epcot is the theme park and Spaceship Earth is the Big Golf Ball™ - and I am a huge Disney Geek. Plus, and here's the part that was especially painful/hilarious, John and I made the cake.

(Yeah, I know it's not great. That's why I posted it. However, I am one of only two or three people on the planet who've ever even attempted a Spaceship Earth cake. So, you know, I've got that going for me.)

Now, in honor of this auspicious occasion I would like to shower you with Earth and/or Spaceship Earth wrecks.

Erm...

Unfortunately, despite extensive research performed during the commercial breaks for Dancing with the Stars (Go, Niecy!), I couldn't find any.

Still, I feel you deserve some kind of reward for reading this far without any new wreckage. So, here, I found you another Disney icon that's gray and round:

Piglet! What have they done to you?

Wow. Just look at the size of that head! I'm not kidding, that is a huge noggin'! It's a virtual planetoid! It has its own weather system! And it's giving me an excuse to quote Stuart Mackenzie!

Oh, and if you look closely, you can see that he recently swallowed a small globe. Or has a globe-shaped tumor growing out of his shoulder - take your pick. Whichever: Hel-looo! Earth Day tribute!


Mandy P., try to work "like Sputnik: spherical but quite pointy in parts" into as many conversations today as possible. Because the earth needs you, that's why.

- Related Wreckage: Happy Earth Day to You...

Let Me Continue to Count the Ways

Yesterday I promised you more ridiculous/creative misspellings of the word "birthday."

Which probably has you wondering, "Just how much more ridiculous can it get? It's a simple word! Sure, you might forget a letter, or switch a few up, but that's it, right?"



[shaking head] Oh, ye of little faith.

SHA-POW!!

Does that really say "Happy Birdholq?"

Why yes, yes it does.

And note how the 'q' was added on later, as if that somehow fixed the problem.

Sometimes you can tell just by looking at a cake the exact moment when the decorator got distracted and had to take a break.

Maybe the "p" triggered certain sprinkle cravings, if you catch my drift.

This may not be a huge error, but it's definitely one of the most fun to read out loud. Bipthday. It trips drunkenly off the tongue, don't you think?

Of course, there's the momentary distraction, and then there's this:

I love imagining what happened between the "t" and the "L." Some kind of digestive emergency? A phone order? Or was it just break time?


Speaking of imagination, you'll need yours to decipher this next one:

I'm guessing that's either "Binday" or "Benday."

Regardless, Edgar must be one really colorful character.

This next one isn't so much switching letters around as it is playing word jumble with them:

"Birdthay?" Sounds flighty to me.

Here's one for the 1920's gangster in all of us:

"Boithday" - Now there's an offer you can't refuse.

This is why you don't order a cake when you have a cold:

You know, 'cuz that's how you say it when your nose is stuffed up? Yes? No?

And finally, what could very well be my new favorite (narrowly edging out "epi burf day"):

Happy Barthy.

Not just "Barthy," mind you: it's "Barthy, period." No exclamation points, no dashes: just period. Yeah. Put that little pine branch on your number 4 candle and smoke it.


Bill F., Ashley J., Bev, Teresa V., Cassie P., Hannah W., & Lester H., great job. Period.

- Related Wreckage: Cake Writing 201: Congratulations

Note: For those of you keeping count, that's 18 different misspellings of "birthday" so far. Eighteen. Parents, if you have a new baby in the house, this could even be your yearly checklist. Just sayin'.

Let Me Count the Ways

Loyal Wreckies, I am positively giddy to share one of my favorite collections of wrecks with you today. You see, with "birthday" arguably being the second most common word written on cakes these days ("happy" being the first) I'm always amazed when Wreckerators spell it wrong. Which means I'm amazed a LOT.

Then I started wondering: Just how many ways can you accidentally misspell "birthday?"

Thus began my journey. And so far, it's had some surprising destinations, lemme tell ya.

First, there's the expected stuff:

Ah, the ol' two letter switcharoo. Probably the most common misspelling out there.

Ok, so they forgot the 'H.' Also extremely common. Next!

They forgot the 'R'? Ok, now I'm curious: Do you think we can find cakes missing every letter in the word "birthday"?

No?

Aw, c'mon, you doubting Thomases. This'll be fun.

Do I hear a missed 'T'?

Woohoo!

The "th20" in the upper corner is like the dyslexic cherry top on.

Now how about a missed 'H'?

Even better!

A missed 'D'?

Aww, yeeeeah. Now we're cookin'.

Let's get a little crazy. You think anyone's ever missed the 'Y'?

"Y" not?

Ok, but surely - SURELY - no one has ever forgotten to write the 'B' in 'birthday', right?

Right?

Right?

(Are you guys as excited about this as I am?)

Drum roll, please!

Ta-da!

Now that's what I'm TALKIN' 'bout.
(Also, check out the white roses masquerading as clouds. Impostors!)

Believe it or not, the only letter I've yet to see missed entirely is the 'I.' [UPDATE: Oh, and the 'A'. Oops. Sorry!] HOWEVER, I have seen this:

Poor Aaron.

And this:

That's some good clean fun, right there.

And would you believe we're just getting started? That's right, it's allll downhill from here. You'll have to tune in tomorrow, though, because John starts getting this funny little eye twitch every time I post more than half a dozen Wrecks at a time, and right now they're kind of bulging out in a way that simply can NOT be healthy. (His eyes, that is - not the wrecks. [Although, truth be told, some of them are kind of bulgy.])

So tomorrow, then. Be there, or be without amazingly hilarious misspelling of "birthday." And then where will you be?


Lia F., Lea G., Megan M., Keisha S., Diane C., Lex, Sandy, Erika K., Lauren, & Brian D., if you're keeping score, we're currently up to an imperfect 10. And if not, well, we're still up to 10.

- Related Wreckage: The Cutest Misspellings of "Happy Birthday" I Have Ever Seen