Friday, September 10, 2010

Strategic Strategery

Friday, September 10, 2010

September is International Strategic Thinking Month! Time to celebrate the joys of planning, forethought, thinking ahead, planning, and, you know...um...

Hey, look! Cake!

Dashes make everything better -

...as I'm sure Queen J agrees.


Don't you hate it when there's that one really looong word in your inscription?

[shaking fist] Darn you, "happybirth!" Why do you have to be such a long, difficult-to-break-up word?!?


Of course when you do split up long words, knowing where to make the break is key:

In this case, placing "grounn" and "dhog" on separate lines just makes good, old fashioned sense. You know, kind of like cocaine in Coca-Cola. Or leeches.

'Course, if you play your cards right, then you won't have to break up any words:

[squinting seriously] "Now that's strategery."


Of course, when you have an oddly shaped cake strategic thinking is a must:


See how the baker left off the edge dots where the letters hang over? [tapping temple] Smarts, man. Smarts.


Nadine, Justine J., Krista M., Kevin H., P.K., Erin P., I wrote a short speech to thank you all for your contributions. [ahem hem hem]

"
The Boob Nazi said...

I hope Courney is a typo.... Poor girl if it isn't.

Donkaloosa said...

Besides all of the usual horrible things about those cakes... Cake #2 has GREY icing on the border???? Grey??? I mean, seriously, who ever heard of decorating a cake with grey icing? At the very least, it looks rancid.

Morgan said...

It's a great way to start m
y morning ... chuckling thro
ugh your observati
ons. I enjoy your co
mmments a lot! :)

Anonymous said...

The last cookie cake seems to be wishing "Courney" a happy day.

WV: wilikeli
"willy nilly's" long lost cousin. These wreckerators wrote on the cakes all wilikeli!

Jason said...

Strategery ehh? Reminds me of something I read in a webcomic that I wouldn't post in mixed company...

wv: schbit - A Lot of these cake wrecks really look like schbit.

jengersnap said...

A few of these would have better spacing if they'd just turn down the dial on the size of the piping. Geeeze. What are they writing with, a tube of toothpaste?

Then again, that could explain the minty blue and spearmint green ones...

Muria said...

I was just thinking of this yesterday while I was decorating my 5 year old's birthday cake. The words weren't perfectly centered, but at least I didn't do anything like this (well, the "y" in birthday was a little close to the edge).

Seriously, it would be nice if they'd issue a spelling test, and maybe a spatial relations test to cake decorators. Though cakewrecks wouldn't be nearly as funny that way. :)

Gary said...

These are professionally-made cakes?

Golly.

Tricia L said...

Hey, I saw a grounn dhog just Tuesday!

Grey icing? Why, why, why?

Flartus said...

What amazes me about "Courney"'s "cake" is the fact that the wreckorator had to go BACK over the inscription a second time with the white icing.

Which certainly is proof of premeditated strategery, if you ask me.

Melinda said...

Who knew that "Krista" was such a hard name to spell correctly? But at least she got all of her letters, unlike poor "Courney."

Donna said...

Looks like someone couldn't wait to get to the Reunio -n to sample the cake

Katie said...

These actually had me chuckling at my desk! I totally lost it at GROUNN DHOG! Good thing my boss is in his office!

Pat O said...

I love that Grounn DHog would have fit without the second n in Grounnd. :)

Caroline B said...

Is 'Wol' from Winnie the Pooh now decorating cakes?

tiny purple elephant said...

her name sounds like corn-y?? hope they forgot the "t"

Kate said...

I want me some GRAY IC-

ING!!!!

http://arguingwithadoughnut.blogspot.com

Rob W. said...

There's cocaine in leeches?

WV:proxi
What these Wreckers are to capable decorators.

Anonymous said...

I think the reunio-n cake decided to split before it embarrassed itself. Or because it did? I love the piece on the right trying to make a break for it.

Happybirthday... really? One word? *snort*

Grounn dhog... is this a strange brown dog?

Totally not sure if the toothpaste for the 70 yr old is a comment
-ary? Or did it need to be neon glow-int -he -dark?

Poor Courney... albeit appropriate ,-) Dang heart shaped cookies, anyway!

Short speech -- " ??? *snicker*

~~Di

wv - diggimm!!!

Marcy W. said...

Boob Nazi - I laughed out loud when I saw "Courney!" Like this: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! The End.

Maureen said...

Oh, my! I think the icing on #2 is supposed to be mocha. Like a light chocolate. Though what they did to it to get it that color.....

Tammy said...

What is up with the horrible penmanship? I don't care if they spelled everything correctly, I'd be mad if the cake I picked up looked like that!

drgns4vr said...

Even aside from the bad spacing and fat lettering (whatever happened to the piping tips with thin holes?) what's with the random lettuce leaves on the first cake?
And poor QueenJ, not only is her name messed up but it looks like they made the border out of drywall mud.

Esty said...

Apparently we don't teach hyphenation in schools anymore, along with cursive writing.

NAPPV Reunio-n

What's up with the random green squiggles on the pastel poo rounds on Que-enJ's cake?

Red and white flowers for GROUNN
DHOG DAY? Really?

Anonymous said...

Does the first cake say "Nappy Reunio-n"? Nappy might explain things a bit better...at least make some sen-
se.

Linda K.

Anonymous said...

Not only is Courney an unfortunate name, so is Kirstd!

~Nikki~ said...

It's called spacing! Why can't they pre-plan their writing before they do it? LOL



check out my blog: www.nikkiscakery.com

Anonymous said...

Maybe these cakes were done on take your child to work day... All of them...maybe...its possible


karenNY

Mags said...

I bet CourTney wishes her name really didn't have that "T" in the middle... then this cake would have been PERFECT...

*wink*

Sharon said...

OK...Happybirth day is the same thing as saying, Happy Labor Day to someone who's pregnant. You know, "Have a happybirth!"

The rest of it, I'll just have to sing:

...Handwriting horrors, what did that say?
Leaning tiers to ruin your wedding day.
Mickey Mouse, flash drive, not enough space,
Carrot jockeys all over the place.

....celebrity creepy, letters not straight,
What did you expect, he's not the
Ace of Cakes!
Singin'

We will, we will wreck you!
We will, we will wreck you!

Sharon's Edible Art

Jenn said...

Yup. It's a stragedy all right. :)

Pamela said...

Okay, we need to have this awful cakes being made so that we have this wonderful site. But how can any bakery let those WREAKS out of the backroom let alone out the main door. Golly how can they keep their jobs, are there no bosses overseeing the work. Oh well, its sure gives us fans a great laught to start the day. Thank-you!

Purple Hiccups said...

I love this blog. I've lurked forever. Thought about posting 100 times, but never did. My extreme passion for cake has now taken over...

Everything about Queen J's cake has me clawing my face skin off. Beginning to end! From whipping "icing" to horrid candle placement and color coordination! I'm also willing to bet it started with a yellow cake.

I've never said this about a cake before...I don't want to eat it. I want to KILL it!!

Persephone said...

@ drgns4vr: You're right, the icing does look like drywall mud! Mmmmmm, chalky.

Vicki said...

"Strategery" - heh heh. Thank you, Will Ferrell, for that one. (For those that don't know, look up his old SNL skit as Dubya).

Emily said...

I like the toxic green ooze coming from the "balloons" on the Queen J cake... it kind of drew my eyes away from the horrible handwriting.

Anonymous said...

happy birthday courney?? thats hilarious.

lizzied said...

OMG, what is that weird green snaky-looking worm-ish thing on the second cake? eeeeeeeek!

Kristi said...

Happy Grounn Dhog Day?

Don't ice angry!

Kelly said...

Strategery is one of my favorite SNL words/skits ever. Strategery + Cake Wrecks = one great combo!

Anonymous said...

I laughed so hard at this I spilled hot tea all over my lap! Genius!! -Jenn

DesertHeather said...

Rob W.: Your leeches comment made me LOL!

Lizziebeth said...

This isn't really related to today's post, but it is very related to Cake Wrecks.

Today's weather forecast: Mostly cloudy with scattered sprinkles...

Oh, no, not the dreaded scattered sprinkles.

Dakota said...

It occurs to me that all of these cakes could have been fixed with smaller lettering. :P

T said...

hmmm, I thought I was the only person on earth who actively celebrates Groundhog Day... I mean... Grounn Dhog Day...

Anonymous said...

I used to love getting hand made with love greeting cards from my 5 year old just like this. Maybe bakeries are now dropping cakes off at the nearest kindergaarten for that final touch. In fact some of the previous posts confirm this - including dropping off....
Norine

Court said...

I bet they just spaced that horrible cookie cake's wording that way to distract from their inability to spell Courtney. It was camouflage. Yeah, that's it.

Maura said...

I feel bad for Que-enJ, Kirstd, and Courney. Those names must have consequences that reach much further than cake.

Fysh Phoenix-- said...

I saw a cake for you guys today but I didn't have a camera with me. FAIL for me. WIN for Boys & Girls Clubs of Grand Rapids since they got a nice cake dripping with caramel. I mean a white cake with a FLOW of caramel on it-- like a brown glacier leaving an irregular dent in the cake on its way to flowing over the sides and SQUISHING AGAINST THE PLASTIC COVER. That much caramel... on a white cake with little white dollops. ...why?!?!

Anonymous said...

people who write like me should not be decorators

Anonymous said...

Dashes and gashes. Did somebody elbow that first cake?

WV: iniff - I've had just about iniff of these disastrous cakes!

Tee hee...

Heidi said...

Strategery, ha! Did you see the Man V Food episode where he's eating some frightening 16ish-patty cheeseburger in some place like Boston and this stupid blonde college girl comments that his eating tactics were, "Good strategery?" Maybe she works at one of these bakeries.

Craig said...

@Esty, isn't cursive writing what too many people see spray-painted on walls?

#1 When you write the first (and smaller) of two words and find that it takes up half the cake, that ought to be a clue that the rest ain't gonna fit. That's where our friend, Mr. Scraping Knife, comes in, accompanied by lots of 'cursive' language.

#2 The border looks like glazier's putty. For that great linseed oil taste that people crave! Once the border was decided on (and the drugs really kicked in), the rest sort of followed.

#3 Yes, nothing says 'happybirth day' like gray roses.

#4 'GROUNN DHOG' is the correct spelling and parsing on Mars, which is also where the observance originated.

#5 This may explain what has been happening to the fireflies -- they're being captured and used to produce glow-in-the-dark green icing. Just the thing for your '70' birthday.

#6 As with #2, I'm getting a strong 'hardware' vibe. This one appears to have been piped with a caulking gun. Continuing that theme, the surface beneath the inscription (in the few places it can be seen) appears to be burled walnut. This isn't a cake, it's a plaque! So that's the trouble: instead of home ec, the order went to shop class!

Arlene said...

I can't brain right now these cakes have struck me dumb.. lol what the heck are these wreckerators on thinking that doing that to cakes?? Maybe they figure people would be so happy for cake that they wouldn't care if it even had a bad word on it which I am sure you could find a wreck that did somewhere lol.

shikishinobi said...

Well, I'm sure 'Kirstd' enjoied her cake, despite the fact her wreckerator can't spell, or even write.
Clearly, what we need is a computer-style icing. If you make a mistake, you can just press backspace, change the text size and try again. It would even come with spellchecker. The only downside is we wouldn't have as much to laugh at.

Defunk said...

hahahah that's awesome. i would be so pissed if i had to pick one of those up from the store.

stuckinmypedals said...

Okay, the lettering on Queen J's cake is bad, but what's up with the tangle of balloon strings in the corner? How hard is it to make a straight line attached to a glob of frosting? I think even I could do that.

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday "Courney"? Corny?! What kind of name is that?!

8 Ball Run said...

I bet these people don't plan ahead for their vacations either!

Fluffy Cow said...

These are phenomenal. Plus they remind me of my daughters homework.

Calvin said...

I hope Cour
ney enjoys h
er happybirth
day..
.

I feel so
rry for an
ybodywho has
to end
ure one of theseca
kes.

meredithp said...

I know it's been said, but these are professional (as in remuneration has been paid for services) cake decorators?!

I'll bet Que-
en J was really glad they didn't get an amat-eur to do her cake. How disapp-
ointing would that have been!?!