Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Somewhere in Germany...

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

"Tyler! Stop hitting your sister. Oh, look, hun! A bakery with an outdoor cafe! Let's stop in and get a treat for the kids. Whaddya say, Madison? Sound good?


"Oooh, wow, it all looks good! So hard to decide. Well, I think I'll get a couple of the chocolate donuts for the kids... Oh! And I'll have some of that cherry cheesecake. Yummy... hm? What's that, hun? Oh, ok. ...And my wife would like a big ol' slice of the dong cake, please!"

"Tyler! Get your face off the glass!"



Ah, Europe! You're so... European.

Thanks to Andrea G. (And yes, the smiley face really did have to be that big.)

Update: Listen! I really can't put the uncensored version up. (I know too many 9 year olds who read the blog.) But if you really want to see it, email me at comments(at)cakewrecks.com and I'll send it to you. Unless you're 9. In which case shame on you for even asking.

Update to the update: I have now sent out well over 300 uncensored dong cakes. I gotta tell you, if someone had asked me five years ago what I'd be doing in five years, I probably wouldn't have said, "Sending out explicit pictures of dong cakes to curious readers of our cake humor blog." I feel dirty. But in a good way.
Kelly's Korner said...

That sounds about right. You should see the chocolates around Valentine's Day. ;P

caferacers66 said...

in Berlin perhaps I truly can not imagine anywhere else in Germany that would be seen, (I spend a lot of time there) dear God I hope thats in Berlin.. you dont see that in the Rhine valley towns I assure you. Not on the most drunken wine harvest day do you see that.

ImagineMel said...

I'm going to have to stop reading the blog. And I LOVE this blog. Too many "off-color" posts lately. I really was offended by the wording of yesterday's and today's post. Sadness. :(

Melody

Tiffany said...

Oh My!! ****blink****

Hope said...

I saw similar, um, creations made of chocolate in Bruges (Belgium)this summer.

Kait said...

Heh, the one to the left of it's not so innocent either! :)

Kelly said...

Seriously? That was in a public bakery? WOW

Anonymous said...

Um, you might want to put a smiley over the reflection, too ;)

As for "off-color," maybe it's just me, but this blog is meant to be making fun of cakes gone wrong. If any cake could ever go wrong, it's one with a giant 'dong' (which by the way is a great replacement word for any of a thousand different worse ways to say male genitalia) next to one in a string bikini. I thought this post was hilarious, and oh so very European. I hope Melody gives this blog another chance.

Anonymous said...

None of the posts in this blog are off color or offensive. ImagineMel needs to lighten up.

Viiriäinen said...

Hmm. As a European reader, I feel like I have to comment by posting a link to one of our most distinguished chocolate manufacturer's site. They actually do not ONLY advertise these on their webpage under "adult products" but ALSO have them on display at their distributors'.

http://www.kultasuklaa.fi/tuotteet.html?page=shop.browse&category_id=6
Viewer discretion advised. No smiley faces have been disembodied in the making of this site.

Stephanie said...

Um if you find 'dong' offensive then you must be a nun. That is a pretty mild word. And doing cake wrecks a lot of them are going to be ones that look 'rude' in one way or another, it's half the fun.

Anonymous said...

One of the 'classic' cakes on this blog is about a fireman's ... hose. How on earth does anyone assume the posts don't have adult content at times?

As for the cake itself.. <3 Germany.

Anonymous said...

Oh good grief ImagineMel, lighten up. Cake Wrecks is an awesome site. If you're willing to give up a good laugh because of a couple of "off color" posts (which are MILD compared to the millions of other sites on the web), you need to relax. Life is too short to be a stick in the mud!

Anonymous said...

Where's the link to the original version?! Curious minds want to drool^H^H^H^H^H admire^H^H^H^H^H^H see...

Christina said...

It's Germany. They have "toy" stores at the airport. The photography shops/studios have their nude pics on display outside. After living there for 5 years, I don't think I'd blink twice at this cake.

cakeinoz said...

A heavily censured that only shows cake thighs and the word 'dong' are not shocking. I'm sorry. Please take into account the numbers of us who do appreciate these posts.

and fwiw, I've lived in Germany (my husband is from there) and this doesn't surprise me. :) I think, despite what another poster said, that this could easily happen in another of the big cities. Hamburg, perhaps. But yeah it's nothing like the Valentine's chocolate selections!

Little Lovables said...

haha, oh my!

martha said...

really, "dong" is offensive now? why are you even braving the internet if you are so sensitive?

your blog is awesome, don't change it, unless you want to take off that smiley. ;)

John said...

*blinks*

The smiley face really *had* to be that big? Wow! Then I guess you're using the 6-foot Pole comment to segue from one post to another, huh?

ladyrazorsharp said...

Sorry, Cakewrecks.

It's been fun.

Anonymous said...

Come on, let us see it! I mean, can we truly call it a wreck if it is "anatomically correct" ?

Anonymous said...

i freaking want one! lol!!

Kate said...

Is it wrong that I'm getting excited about the flouncers? I really need to cut back on reading Regretsy.

Seriously, don't alter the blog because a couple of people get bent into a twist about some very benign content. You can't control what people will get offended over, and it's not worth it to try to cater.

StefRobrts said...

I'm an adult, and I'd like an option to see it without the smily :) Keep us the good work!

Katie said...

"A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it."

Taken directly off the site under "What is a cakewreck?"

So if you came here looking for posts that were in no way "inappropriate" then you are in the wrong place.

Woody said...

Maybe it's just me, but I can't really make out anything in that reflection.

But yay for commentroversy! ImagineMel and ladyrazorsharp, you may want to avoid regretsy.com.

Nicole said...

I love this blog, and have spent hours reading through all of the posts! Love the writing that goes along with the wrecks. Keep up the great work :)

amydove said...

I wish you would post the non-censored versions of the pics somewhere. I often am really curious as to what exactly is under there!

Anonymous said...

I had NO IDEA cake decorators could be such prudes! What with all the mixing, spreading, squeezing, patting, and rolling inherent in cake-making, I just figured you guys were, uh, down with that.

Lois Moon said...

Drat, I went looking for the off-color remarks from yesterday and only found some stuff about a Polish flag. Maybe it was over my head? Keep 'em coming and keep 'em blue...I come to Cake Wrecks for a laugh and always get one. Thanks.

p.s....perhaps the same people who think CW is off-color are those offended by Katy Perry's outfit when she sang with Elmo on Sesame Street.

Miss Didi said...

WAIT. Imagine Mel HAS to be joking, yes? Off color as in bad colors? I can ALMOST see this one..but yesterdays?! The Polish one? Definitely off color, but offensive?!

Anonymous said...

Ah, makes me proud to claim German heritage! ;o)

Def. do not change based on 2 comments. Can't stand the jokes...don't read the blog.
The rest of us say "bring them!".

Thanks for the laughs Cake Wrecks. I can always count on you to make me (literally) LOL

nina said...

i totally love that oicture and think it is very funny!i dont see nothing wrong with a cake like that and i think that smiley face is not necessary!!....hmmm...but im german and we are not all uptight about that stuff ;)!

Skye said...

Ooo ooo ooo, you know you've made it on the internet when people start rage-quitting over blog posts...

I <3 you guys, keep up the good work. :)

it's the hippy undertones said...

I think the off-color posts are my favorite. I mean, sperm balloons? Offensive? No. Hilarious? Heck yes! Love your stuff.

SallyD said...

I find it shocking that someone would be shocked by this post! And, all these years I thought that I was the one who was a prude ... nope.
The body is a beautiful thing people, particularly when it's cake, smile and laugh a little.

SuBee said...

Of all the cakes you've shared with us (including cake "giving birth") this is the one that's offensive?
I'm more offended by the spelling and grammar on some of the cakes.
Go figure.

Elizabeth C. said...

You can totally see the dong in the reflection if you click on the pic to make it bigger and then zoom ;)
Wow.... you know you have no life when you actually bother to look that closely at a cake version of a penis.

Lynne said...

If you look at ImagineMel's blog, there is post titled "Ding, Dong."

Hello Kettle? This is the pot, you're black.

Elizabeth C. said...

Also I think it is interesting that at the linked site of chocolate "naughty bits" you can only get the boy parts in pink. Are the girl parts too realistic in pink?

Creative-Juices said...

Cake Wrecks is one of the only blogs I've found that gives me belly laughs on a VERY regular basis. Thanks for that! And I am also for removing the smiley, or at least offering a link to the uncensored version.

simone said...

I'm the opposite. I'd love to see the uncensored version of these cakes. Perhaps on a separate link since my little daughter loves to read this over my shoulder.

I swear I'm not a sicko, btw. Just morbidly fascinated ny the idea of someone sculpting *ahem* parts from cake.

msyendor said...

Hah! You "fixed" the reflection in the glass case. Now it just looks like the butt end of a docked dog. ('cuz 2 hours ago when I last looked, there was definitely flag support there.)

john (the hubby of JEN) said...

I should have listened to Jen and gone with "wang."

john

Anonymous said...

you should not block out the jiggles and bits.......

or post covered and then not covered....

:) Kim in FL

tangomenas said...

What does it say about me that I spared the offending smiley just a glance because I was wondering whether the pastries above the chocolate donuts were Windbeutel or Bienenstich and subsequently craving both? ;D

Anonymous said...

I'd like to join in the chorus of people asking for links to uncensored version of some of the more risqué wrecks. The smiley faces and black bars totally take the fun out of everything.

Anonymous said...

WHY is the woman's covered up, but the man's genitalia is just openly visible for all to see? (And yes, it's not covered in the least - I saw the uncensored version). I call sexism.

Tricia L said...

I'm with @Tangomenas 6:50 PM
on this ... I am much more interested in what that is ABOVE the smiley face. And do they FedEx.

Anonymous said...

God forbid a 9-year old know what human genitals look like!

Anonymous said...

Here I thought it would only ruffle feathers that you were making fun of dead-presidents'-last-name-first-names. If it had been my blog, I would have done nothing different. Wreck on!

By the way, my wv is epusti. I'm just not gonna go there, because this is a family show. ;)

barb said...

just curious - is 'e standin' up or layin' down?

Anonymous said...

I hardly ever comment, but just had to agree with all the posters who say this blog is neither offensive nor off-color. Come on, with all the things they could have said, so many times... Yeah, it's time to lighten up.

Great blog, keep up the good work. I lurk here every day!

wv: ballyfu - I won't even go there, so as not to offend :-)

Anonymous said...

Hahaha! I can totally see it in the reflection on the glass. LOVE IT!!! It's too funny. Keep makin me laugh, CW!

EG said...

Jen and John, you carry right on with the penis cakes. Penis. Penis penis. Those who you lose, you lose.

Kathleen said...

GREAT blogging - keep it up! (no pun intended for today's blog) And I was disappointed when I went to yesterday's blog just to find out that "off color" referred to the color of the Polish flag. I was thinking I had missed something risque - not that I wasn't totally bummed for the entire Polish population who had viewed that cake. Cake Wrecks is the best!

Mejis said...

haha! This is totally typical Germany. I love it! I lived in Germany for 10 years and believe me I have seen worse.

Anonymous said...

Oh yea! I'd like to have THAT in my mouth! The cake, people! Bunch of dirty minded people! LOL!!
I, too, agree about all the off-color posts and stuff. But I say KEEP 'EM COMIN!! (ooooooh, wrong word to use in a comment on a dong cake?)

Alanna said...

Oh wow, I can't believe some people are butthurt over a CENSORED picture of a cake penis. Get over yourselves! Only roughly HALF of the entire population of Earth has one. It is not offensive. (And I wish it wasn't censored, would have liked to see what was there. Maybe a NSFW link so those that wish to see... can?).

aWilson said...

After seeing the uncensored photo, I am convinced that the baker is a man. A small man with a large imagination!

Anonymous said...

Good god what kind of occassion calls for that kind of cake

Anonymous said...

I have always thought this blog appropriately censored mature material very well, while still maintaining the humor that (indeed) some cakes are very adult oriented!
This post is awesome! Keep up the good work!

Anonymous said...

LOL

With all that can be seen on the 'net, I'm surprised ANYone can say they're offended by CW.

As for the person who thinks a 9 year old does NOT know what human genitalia looks like -- get real. Sex education in school begins at 6 years old. Well, ok, maybe that's just in Catholic school where I went! Public school waits longer so the kids can experiment on their own.

If a kid hasn't seen himself naked by then, I'd really wonder about the parents and the child's hygiene.

Melody, get a grip. Or stop visiting. Sure hope you never visit Europe.

wv - sherfai -- viewing 'off color' cakes is a sherfai way to either giggle or gag...

Anonymous said...

"Listen! I really can't put the uncensored version up. (I know too many 9 year olds who read the blog.)"

Aww! This just confirms my long-held belief: kids really do ruin everything.

Jan said...

That must be some stiff frosting there to get the happyface slider...
I honestly don't know if that's good or bad in this case.

Anonymous said...

Hey, how 'bout instead of fussing about someone's comment, we put our time to good use...like deciding how one might CUT this cake!! Serioiusly, I don't want that job!

Sarah said...

thank you Viiriäinen for the link to a very distinguished chocolateer! Do they ship internationally?

This blog rocks, rocks, rocks! Don't change a thing. We are all thinking the same thing anyway!

Yo ImagineMel and RazorSharpLady: your NOM is showing.

Lissy said...

hey, guys (my fellow readers)-- when ImagineMel referred to "off-color posts" yesterday, she wasn't referring to the earlier Wednesday post (two Wed posts this week, Dong and Off Color). She was talking about Tuesday's post (Ba-loony). Specifically probably the third picture down.

To be honest, there are some comments that are little over the top for family entertainment-- but hey, it's Jen & John's blog. And they do try to warn us when that is coming up. And some of the cakes do appear "inappropriate" and definitely lean towards that type of blogging. I can honestly say I don't think I'd change a single word of any thing they've posted.

I find it highly unlikely that anyone who has seriously been reading CW is JUST finding "off-color posts"-- It's part of the site and what most enjoy about it. :D

Arlene said...

Oh my.. a cake shop that sells naughty cakes however would we live without them?? Lol that is priceless. I would die laughing before I even had a chance to order something. Love the smiley face :)

Craig said...

Well, the flag was decidedly off-color (in the literal sense), but there are so many much more important things at which to take offense these days that this blog just doesn't make the list.

Besides, the wreckerators produce this stuff! Spaceship Earth (I refuse to utter the E-word) posts can only go so far, thankfully.

Suppose CW was wall-to-wall Sunday Sweets. I'd get Sunday Diabetes before the first week was out.

Anyway, there are other sites displaying perfect cakes sent forth into the world by annoyingly talented people who must have undreamt-of surpluses of time, workspace and equipment. I want to see cakes made by norm-- well, people who produce something similar to what would likely occur if I attempted cake decoration. What site, other than this one, has that?

Do I love each and every post? No. Neither am I being forced to view this blog.

Have a mice day, complainers.

darkshines said...

Oh my god, send me that picture, I am soooo making a dong cake for my boyfriends birthday on Monday! Haha! tear_jerker at hotmail dot comitty com diddly om.

junewilliams7 said...

Thanks for sending me the *undoctored* photo! My, that's a lot of hair... at first glance, I thought it was a baby gerbil. :=)

Keep posting, Jen and John!

Alisa in Taiwan said...

Dear Jen and John,
How DARE you write suggestive posts about private parts and posting them willy nilly all over My internets? I, for one, must remain free of any and all suggestions that we, humans, are not asexual and do indeed have funny looking parts that 80% jokes in the world are based on. Please remember the needs of my virginal eyes when you write your blog from now on. I mean, I don't go turning on lights in YOUR bedroom, do I? *blink, blink.. awkward backing away"

Wode P. Ghouse said...

The only thing offensive here, is the priggish notion that chocolate-glaze, roughly in the shape of a penis, would be offensive (or else 'a bad influence') on a nine-year old. Any nine-year old with an internet connection and enough sense to visit cake-wrecks has seen more and worse and in context that actually *would* be inappropriate for nine-year olds. Ackh...

Shannon said...

In my opinion there are always going to be things that you don't agree with/find funny/find appropriate. Do I find every post here hilarious? No. But does that stop me from checking back every day to see what's new? No. You are in control of what you see so one can easily click that little 'x' at the top of their screen if what they read isn't to their liking. It's not like you have the picture first thing; you always have some sort of description first that at least hints to the reader what kind of picture they are going to see. From there you can make your own decision whether you want to look or not. We're big kids, we can handle it I thought. I know 3 year olds who can.

Anyway, love the blog and I will be back tomorrow to check out the newest post. I won't say don't worry about those few who don't understand because when you receive criticism it's hard not to think about it. But as you said at Epbot, you probably gained more followers than you lost.

L.B. said...

I wince (and laugh) when I see groin shots on AFV. How would I react to cutting this cake?

Rebecca F. said...

Thank you for not putting it up. In fact, my 9 year old does read this blog. She usually misses the more adult-type humour and loves the site. I never, ever mind the jokes (I'm Canadian) and think your site is perfect. "Adult" humour and everything!

I do, however, appreciate a well placed smiley face on an obvious cake.

You guys are awesome.

Mamakitty1978 said...

In my opinion some people have such horrible and/or boring lives that they try and make people as miserable as they are. The expression "misery loves company" has to come from some where. Like many commenters have said if you dont like the blog dont read it! There are PLENTY of people who obviously love what Jen and John do here, and I am one of them. I honestly believe that if anything were changed than CW would loose a lot more readers than the few who dont like this blog as is. CW is like my coffee in the morning I cant get threw my day without it!

KittyKat said...

Thank you cake wrecks for bringing the funny and for keeping it family-friendly. My kids love to look over my shoulder when I view cake wrecks, and not once have I seen anything on the site that would make me add it to my "after the kids are in bed" list. Much less anything to bring on an epic cyber-flounce complete with attention seeking announcement of said flouncing.

Now I have said my piece and I am going to go get a cup of coffee! Hmph! I hope you're satisfied.

;-)
captcha: inkew
I do not know what it means, but it seems strangely appropriate somehow.

Ulrike said...

Actually I do think that bakeries in big towns like Hamburg are way to sophisticated to display cakes like these.

BUT: there certainly seems to be a special appeal about cakes covering human body parts - for instance a cake covering female cleavage in various stages of nakedness, which is all the rage in the thread below. Beware of the pictures, of course ;)

http://www.chefkoch.de/forum/2,82,418759/Busentorten.html

Oh, and these are not donuts: they are "Nougatringe" - made with layered cookies and a nougat-buttercream. Delicious!

Alison said...

I love love love your posts. Especially the ones that are REALLY funny--like this one. Your commentary is well written and VERY funny. As someone else said earlier, I am way more offended and embarrassed by the utterly inexcusable illiteracy in cake writing! Please keep the REALLY funny ones coming!

Bettina said...

Lol, sometimes being German can be cool. Have to admit though, I haven't seen a cake that explicit before. But it's not bad, right? How many times do we call it a wreck because it's not anatomical correct? ^.^

Jennifer said...

My opinion isn't worth more than anyone else's two cents, but I think you're doing a great job posting things that are funny while maintaining a family friendly/safe for work atmosphere. Keep up the great work and good luck with that balancing act you've got going :-)

Shanti said...

You know, I think I prefer the smiley-face version. I'm not a prude - it's just funnier this way! (Sort of like part of the humor in "The Daily Show" for me comes from the bleeped-out words - I watched it once uncensored at 1 am and it wasn't nearly as funny.)

WV word: pernic. Not making this up, honest.

Lindsay said...

My 5-year-old just said "that is a happy cake." Good thing she was talking about the smiley face!

Aliza said...

I'm with the non-offended, please consider an "after the kids are in bed" link for those of us who would find uncensored cakes (it's CAKE people!) amusing. Although, I have noticed that for many cakes, it's John & Jen's comments that's so entertaining, the cake itself is sometimes almost beside the point :)

As for comments about the cake: it is interesting that the woman's clothed. Maybe the baker was a newly-single female who was, um, enjoying men the only way she could right now?

Loved the comments about mouthfuls, how would you cut the cake (Bobbit-style??), 6 foot Pole, etc :)

A said...

Will you puh-leeeeze post an update letting us know how many people request that email??

Curly-T said...

I think it is sad that someone can't express their opinion about jokes without having everyone else lambast them for their personal preferences. If ImagineMel doesn't appreciate "off-color" humor, then let her express that and move on. We don't need to make nasty comments about her.
I'm glad the smiley face was there. I'm glad Jen warns us when things aren't safe for kids. The off-color stuff sometimes bothers me and sometimes doesn't (depends on my mood that day). But I don't read and re-read posts that bug me and I keep reading because most everything is hilarious.
Jen, John, - keep up the good work. And commenters, let someone go without comment if they don't like something. It's not the end of the world.

veg-o-matic said...

Uh, thanks for sending me the uncensored Dong Cake picture.

I think I'll just have that turnover instead...

Kelly said...

*vomit*

Tim Lane said...

You really can't show the picture? The blog is full of cakes which unintentionally look like willies, why not a cake thatintentionally looks like one?
Tim

Emily said...

Thanks for the uber fast reply to my email! Good lord that is a giant...cake!

Procrastinateher said...

You know, I find the smiley face censorship more disturbing than the possibility of seeing cake wang.
Mostly because it reminds me of a certain Queens of the Stone Age music video.
The things your mind creates when there's a smiley face filling up most of the screen and rotating is actually worse than what was really happening behind that face...

Anonymous said...

Well, I've given it 24 hours thought, like all major decisions; and I've decided not to "go away", but I have an obsessive fascination with what will happen next. It's called Cake Wrecks for good reason - and I'm hooked. So, do you suppose those really ugly, misspelled cakes shame anyone? They are far more offensive than biological obsessions. Norine

Anonymous said...

Anonymous @ 12:14 said:

"Hey, how 'bout instead of fussing about someone's comment, we put our time to good use...like deciding how one might CUT this cake!! Serioiusly, I don't want that job!"

I suggest getting Lorena Bobbit for the job of cutting the "cake".

~Kathy D~

wv: kaxed -- past tense of caxe (only misspelled with a k)

Angie said...

Thanks for the uncensored version - and I'm glad I didn't get it before bed last night. That "thing" would have given me nightmares!

Rock on, Jen & John.

wv - vicalan: What I'd have to have taken a lot of in order to eat that cake.

mystic_eye_cda said...

Thanks for e-mailing me the photo, it was totally worth the effort.

Simply Unpredictable said...

Oh mai..... It's been a long time since I've seen a "european one" -- but... um... why does it look upside-down? (Yeah, I managed to beg for the uncensored version).

It's quite amusing, disturbing, and almost makes me slightly jealous..

Of course, I have a problem... I don't find it offensive at all. But I WOULD get concerned when the cake knife gets near it... almost like a bris... :)

Corri Anne said...

It just goes to show that I live in one of the weirdest cities in America...here in Portland we have a Doughnut shop that sells anatomically correct doughnuts (they call them C*** and Balls...and no surprise they're cream filled). I wasn't one bit shocked :-)

If you're ever in PDX check them out...tasty! http://voodoodoughnut.com/

MOMof3LAWS said...

After living in Berlin for 2 years I so want to see that cake :)

stitchgroover said...

Is it cream filled?

PS, I live in a city in Australia called Wangaratta, known by locals as Wang.

Kimberly Chapman said...

I made an elaborately sculpted dong cake once for a friend. I didn't put pics in my gallery for obvious reasons, but I used to list it and say people could email me for it. I got way, way, wayyyyyyy too many requests. Then I changed the listing to say I would not email pics anymore. I *still* got way, way, wayyyyyyyyyyyy too many requests. So I took the listings down.

People really like twinkies. That's all I have to say about that.

Sami said...

You can see a bit of the uncensored dong cake in the reflection on the glass behind it... XD

Cupcakes Lady said...

Thats too funny. Perv cakes! lol xx

IF said...

gute gute gute

Anonymous said...

Oh my god i read your first line and i had just finished telling my son TYLER to stop hitting his sister MADISON!! then you made it much more fun with the GIANT smiley face!! Thanks

Anonymous said...

There's this bakery in Seattle, WA, that specializes in "off-color" cakes"...

Anonymous said...

When I first saw those kinds of things I just had to create a name for them: "marziporn"
JenL