Saturday, September 25, 2010

Sharks Bite

Saturday, September 25, 2010

{Welcome back to your favourite prime-time brine crime drama- "Crab Cakes: Ocean Justice!" Before the commercial break, Crabtown was faced with its most terrifying nightmare yet: Someone drank all the coffee! But something more frightening is just around the corner...}

"Help! Someone, please help me!"

"If I move, he might see me."


"Yummy fish in belly time! NOM NOM NOM."


"Not on the Sheriff's watch, you great white JERK!"

"No one escapes my disturbingly mutated claws of justice!"


"Sheriff, look out! There's another one behind you!"


"Hahaha! You'll never escape us! Come here, ya' old chum!"


"That's IT. I'm not taking any more guff from these sharks! C'mon, Crabtown! Let's kick dorsal fin!"


"Your pitiful confidence is no match for my razor-sharp teeth... OF DEATH!"


"Oops. I crabbed my pants."


"Well, our Sheriff will show the sharks who's boss! Won't you, Sheriff? Go on. Tell them!"


"..."


"Sheriff?"


"Don't worry, guys! I have a sure-fire plan guaranteed to make those sharks leave us alone! FOREVER!

"Hey, sharkies! Say hello to my LITTLE FRIEND!" [whipping out photo]


"His name is Mr. Snuggly Buns."


[sniffle] "That's the saddest thing I've ever seen! Please, no more! We're leaving, I promise! C'mon, guys; I hear the west shore has some real cream puffs."


Whew! That was a close call there, but the Sheriff and Pickly Pete saved Crabtown once again! Tune in next week when we find out: Who drained the community pool? Where in the world is Crabmen Sandiego? And what happened to all the potato salad?!?

Rolling credits: Jacquie G., Alana G., Sara G., Meaghan I., Amy T., Michelle N., Tina A., Amy C., Jen K., Sara H., and Kati D.
The Boob Nazi said...

The "crabbed my pants" line got a genuine bark of laughter out of me.

Morgan said...

The cakes are just bad ... but YOU, sweet Jen, make them awesome! Thanks for starting my day with a chuckle! Poor little Pickly Pete :)

Jasry said...

My son was looking over my shoulder at these cakes, naming what he thought they were. 6th cake down, he calls out "Angry mud!". Yeah, that's about right.

Suzanne said...

"old chum". I can't STAND it! Thank you for the first laugh I've had this morning!

Pete said...

Crabmen Sandiego! You are cool. :D

WhoDeyGirl said...

That was a masterpiece...

M.G said...

Oh, my.. Jen, you made my day. Easily. Like you do every day. :) Your insanity amuses me greatly. Those cakes though....YEESH.

Loved it! As usual.

Christine said...

Disturbingly mutated claws of justice. Awesome!

Anonymous said...

Ahh, so happy to stop in and find a Saturday post!!

We all need an inner voice such as Jen. (ok, speaking for myself - I need it) Love the storyline!

Photo phish #1 - I thought Dr Suess had something to do with it. Seriously.

Photo phish #9 -- c'mon, that's just the cutest ccc I've EVER seen. Seriously.

'Crabbed my pants' -- ok, can't stop laughing!

Poor little Mr. Snuggly Buns. How does a hedgehog break both front legs?

@ Jasry -- I think most of the 'crabs' are "angry mud!" Spot on, your son is!

Now, for those shark bites... I was thinking "Cool!!" when I saw the first one. "Great shark week cake! I'm going to have to do that one!" Dang it, Jen, you've spawned a wreckplicator!! Seriously.

~~Di

Nadia said...

the bandaged hedgehog made me sad.

Jules said...

I laughed until I snorted at the "I crabbed my pants" line LOL And the hedgehog picture? Mean, just mean :)

Anonymous said...

Jeez, what happened to Mr. Snuggly Buns?

kristina said...

Thanks for the Carman sandiego reference!!! That was one of my favs growing up!!

Newb said...

"Oops, I crabbed my pants". I'm dying here!!!! I nearly snorted coffee through my nose! That comment might actually be funnier than that entire sports-game parody a while back! Thanks for the unexpected Saturday pick-me-up.

Stephanie said...

"I crabbed my pants." BAHAHAHA!!! :D

Melinda said...

That was awesome.

The "oops I crabbed my pants" made me almost PEE my pants! hahaha

Anonymous said...

Loved the Crabmen Sandiego...

maria said...

wait... #3 isn't Meatwad from Aqua Teen Hunger Force?! That's a dang good accidental Meatwad...

Cathy in AK said...

Too fun! But from the title of the post, I thought this was going to be a tribute to that soon-to-be classic on the SyFy Channel tonight, "Sharktopus." Now *there* is a cake I'd like to see.

ania said...

I don't understand why so many people's cupcake arrangements end up looking so sloppy. I'm sure there are seasonal "patterns" as guides, but do they have to end up looking so sad? Also, I don't imagine red store icing tastes any good at all. So, those crabs are a double no-go.

~~~~

I just clicked on an ad from your site. It was for Cricut Cakes. I looked at the site, and it's really cool....but kind of in the way that digital photography is cool. I like that it's accessible to everyone, but, in a way, it takes some of the....something....out of good hard work. Crazy! I know. Like a century ago when white whites were a sign of diligent housekeeping, and not just a result of having access to the newfangled washing machine. That said, I'm not a snob, or one to hold up progress (because, you know, I hold that kind of power). Just nostalgic?

Anonymous said...

urine trouble, Jen, for the puns but at least I only fished my pants not crabbed them!

-Barbara Anne

zombiekim said...

I love Crabtown crimes! And that hedgehog is so over-the-top cute-but-sad. Love it.

Erin B said...

Is there some kind of publication these bakers read every month that results in them all creating the same hideous designs?! The shark mouth is hilarious and awful at the same time.

Anonymous said...

Hysterical.
Thank you.

Mocking

HeatherH said...

Wow! That was totally worth waiting the 11 minutes for all those pictures to load on my super-snail dial up!
Amazing dialogue for such interesting....(yeah...let's play it safe with interesting) "cakes".

Patricia said...

I have now found the best line EVER to use when my husband is eating a crustacean. "Oops, I crabbed my pants." Perfect. Just perfect. I love you guys.

Maru said...

"Crabbed my pants"
That was good, very good. XD

Anonymous said...

Aww, that poor little hedgehog =(

Anonymous said...

poor ickle wee hedgehog - ah!


these bakers sure could do with some basic drawing lessons

whatever is that last cake? beware of the blob?

Anonymous said...

Poor wittle hedgehog. You always make my day.

Kimberly Chapman said...

Awesome post, especially the "crabbed my pants" bit, but those of us who are very squishy-hearted need the backstory and (hopefully) happy-ending resolution regarding the poor wee CutieFuzzyMcBooboo!

Vikki said...

Thanks Number 1 for another great post.

Annette said...

My 14 yr old son and I laughed out loud throughout the whole post!

Korrie said...

ROFLMAO! " I crabbed my pants!"

Aimee said...

Dude, a lot of those cakes look just like meatwad from Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

Anonymous said...

I think it's pretty clear those aren't crab cupcake cakes, those are artistic renditions of Meatwad from ATHF.

Susan Marie said...

Am I the only one who thought "old chum" was a joke??!

Queen Julian XIII said...

Woops, I crabbed my pants reading this!!! Awesomely wrecky post today! Thank you thank you thank you!!!

Captain Scrappy said...

Awesome. Just awesome.

Hahaha, Crabman Sandiego!

tiny purprle elephant said...

in their own special way i thought these were ok looking

Alex K. said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one that thought the third cake looked like Meatwad from ATHF. At least he had a pretty looking flower stuck in his head. :)

Vinie said...

awesome cakes...if you want to be scared!

Anyone else that played WoW that find those "open mouth sharks" look like Yogg saron?

motherof5boys1girl said...

glad to know that im not the only one who thought that was meatwad! go meatwad!!

Kerri said...

"Oops. I crabbed my pants!" would make a great t-shirt.

Craig said...

If this had come out about eight hours later, it would of course have been the Saturday Evening Post.

#1 What's this? A CCC, that's what! (I didn't plan it, but the wording just happens to fit the rhythm).

#4 A decorated wheel of bleu cheese? Now that's what I call unappetizing.

#12 The realism is amazing, and not a cupcake in sight. The tie-in to the aquatic theme is... Spiny Norman, nemesis of Dinsdale *Pirhana*. (ba-dup!)

Anonymous said...

You made me want a hedgehog even more! HOW DARE YOU?! And they're just not legal here....

Space Coast Conservative [dot]com said...

Jen,

"Oops. I crabbed my pants."


ROFLMBO. Too good. Too good.

Jan Bradel said...

I can't make heads or tails of the hedgehog cake - is it actually edible?!

Julie said...

Hysterical post Jen! Love the "crabbed my pants" line.

But I was hugely distracted by the intro--"favourite"? Since when did you turn British?

Oh NOW I get it--you've gone Canadian on us!

Aviatrix said...

I wouldn't have known what the subsequent "shark" ones were had it not been for the recognizable #2 cake. Someday you should do an "evolution of a cake" sequence with the same cake design attempted by various wreckerators, ranging gradually from glop to recognizable, to competent.

I just met a professional baker today; she will be my roommate on a trip to Cambodia and she said of course she reads Cake Wrecks: it's her favourite site and all bakers dread being on the site--except on Sundays.

spilledxperfume said...

How come so many of those look like Meatwad? Especially #6.

Mary said...

Those cakes were funny as heck but a picture of a hedgehog with two broken front legs? Really? I just don't see the funny in that, sorry.

Lark said...

Okay, These were all hilarious today, but am I the only one who thought the last "shark" looked like a scrubbing bubble? LOL

Anonymous said...

Brilliant, Jen, brilliant! This is the best writing you've done yet. And the selection of cakes - how do you find them? Just a hoot-and-a-half!
physicsmom

Overactive Bladder said...

These photos brought me my smile for the day. I never knew cakes could be so goofy. Definitely not run of the mill cakes. Thanks for the chuckles. My blog is located at http://ihavetopee.blogspot.com/ and is about the nationwide USA overactive bladder problem. Hope you will exchange the blog visit, but understand if you are too busy. The crab's legs do look a lot like poop!

Lady Macbeth said...

Upon seeing the hedgehog, my first thought was "Dinsdale... Dinsdale!"

ViolaNut said...

Does the wee hedgie need a foster home? 'Cause I'd love to take care of him... (and yeah, I thought of Spiny Norman too...)

Sam said...

You missed one: "Tuna in next week...."

LOVED this post! And I saw Meatwad, too...

Pam said...

I SOOO look forward to new posts from you whenever possible. Double bonus for me when I find them while I'm at work...the only giggles I get while I'm there. Thanks once again for the laughs!

Anonymous said...

I agree with Maria. #3 looks just like MeatWad from Aqua Teen Hunger Force. The face is perfect!!

Vicki said...

#1 looks a lot like the "meteorite bird fiiiiish" (sing it like John) from the Wrecks This musical.

Jennifer said...

I've read your blog since the beginning. And "Oops. I crabbed my pants." is the best line of the entire blog. Ever.

Be proud of that.

Anonymous said...

The 6th one down looks like Meatwad from Aqua Teen Hunger Force. I wonder if that's what they were going for.

jillb-ilslp said...

Excellent, Number 1!!!!
"Yummy fish in belly time! Nom nom nom"
Yay, Cookie monster, voice!
Me like! Nom nom nom nom...

Jess said...

Those crabs look like Meatball from AquaTeen Hunger Force.

Amanda said...

yayyy, I'm not the only one who thought the confused-looking chocolate blob in the middle is supposed to be Meatwad!

Donna said...

How sad is it that you have 3 CCC (ptooie) of crabs...YUCK

jo said...

Genius! I love these episodic posts. I wish I could actually watch that show! LOL "crabbed my pants!" the actions are so perfect for the pictures (and expressions of specific cakes)

bravo!

Sara H. said...

AHHHHH...I sent in one of those! That just made my day! =] =] =]

Katja Yount said...

As for the hedgehog comments, I remember reading the original story off of Fark.com some years back. Since then I've used that particular photo to melt hearts and blow minds on said site. It was a story about a liter of abandoned baby hedgehogs that had all injured themselves so the article had shot after shot of adorable ickle witto bebe hedgehogs all with 1 or 2 of their limbs in brightly colored casts.

They were all rescued :-D

Greta said...

I could even hear the little fishes speaking in the high, squeaky cartoon voice

basicwomen said...

Interesting and simple, nice!

Halesbales said...

I thought the bass CCC was actually quite good considering its a CCC. "I caught you a delicous bass"

ladyrazorsharp said...

I didn't see a crab who's going to 'kick dorsal fin.' I saw an angry Meatwad from 'Aqua Teen Hunger Force.' Bad crab, but great Meatwad!

Who would order a shark cake? Well maybe in honor of 'Shark Week'. Otherwise I could hear children screaming: "Mommy why does that cake have TEETH??"

I could HEAR those fish on the cookie warbling: "Ohhhh Nooooo!!"

Never, ever change! XD

busy said...

I thought the "crabs" were just horrible renditions of Meatwad.

Molly said...

Am I the only one who sees Shrieking Eels in those shark cakes? Maybe it's just because they're still in package...

Cupcakes Lady said...

"I crabbed my pants." - lol the look on the crabs face is priceless ;) xx