Friday, September 17, 2010

Internal Wisdom

Friday, September 17, 2010

We here at Cake Wrecks realize that often there are readers who simply. don't. get it. So, in an effort to "bring the funny" to our few humor-challenged readers, we have enlisted the services of our intern, Britnee, to help translate. To our regular readers: please bear with us. We will resume our regular posting tomorrow. And now, take it away, Britnee!

Like, OMG! You're totally gonna laugh. So, there's this cake, right?

See, what happened was, the guy that ordered the cake actually wanted actual FLOWERS on the cake. Like, in icing? And instead the DECORATOR wrote "and flowers." Right? Get it? O. M. G.!

And this is, like, totally hilarious:

LOL So, here, a guy wanted a cake to say "Schwager House" - which is totes redonk - but he wanted it written out in all capital letters. And get this: the decorator wrote "all caps" ON THE CAKE. Right there! In icing! On the cake! See it? HAHAHAHA! OMG, I gotta tell Kristy about this one.


Check this out: so, next, this lady, Madalene, wanted a cake for her son and some junk, and she, like, wanted the cake to say "#1" on it. Well, GUESS WHAT HAPPENED!?!

Hi-LAAAAAAAR-ious!!!

See, the cake says "#1 ON IT" ON the cake!!! HE TOTALLY WROTE IT ON THE CAKE!

ROFLMAOOOOOOOOO

And then there was this guy, Dennis? And he wanted a cake, for his mom's birthday? And she was like, turning 89, or whatever? So, he wanted an "89" in the corner? And do you know what happened?!?!??!

{{{dying with laughter}}}

The decorator WROTE OUT "89 IN THE CORNER!!!!!!!"

LOLOLOLOL!!!!

{catching breath...}

Okay, okay... but the most bestest one ever EVER... is when it was Ashlee's birthday, and her boyfriend wanted the cake to say "Happy Birthday Ashlee" and her name has two Es in it and OMG OMG OMG what do you think happened?!?

[hopping up and down] (This is going to be awesome!!! You are SO going to TOTALLY lose it!!!)

Wait.

I don't get it.

....

Well, here's John again.

[Sigh] Um, thanks, Britnee, for that thoughtful and extremely explanatory commentary. I hope all of our humor-challenged readers enjoyed it. And for the rest of you, allow me to end with an obscure math joke: Did you know that 8/5 of Americans aren't good with fractions? [Chortle]

Thanks to Will E., Chris O., Madalene W., Dennis W., and Robert H.
The Boob Nazi said...

I can't even believe the last one. Seriously, bakers? That's the best you could do?!?

Anonymous said...

that last one is surely the pinnacle of the surrealist movement in cake decorating

Anonymous said...

I don't get it.

Anonymous said...

I see something other than a cockroach. I can't believe you missed that.

No, wait, I think it's Epcot. See the Disney font?

Huh?

danascully said...

i predict that a few negative nancys (or is it 'nancies'?) are going to show up here and comment on your passive aggressiveness, and to remind you that the interwebs are ~srsbsns~ and that this post is all mean and whatnot.

i say, let them get their panties in a knot. it's more fun that way, y/n?

anyway, now that the formalities are out of the way, i love this blog. even the more controversial posts (because life is too short to take everything seriously).

Anonymous said...

I don't get it.

spoofmaster said...

I actually really like the border on the "#1 on it" cake. Makes me think either there are a bunch of artistic types with no brains for inscriptions, or the writing gets done by a different decorator. Probably the latter.

Suzanne :-) said...

Classic cake wrecks! I love it :-D

And another obscure math joke:
There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who don't.

Candace said...

I loved how Britnee's comments? all ended in questions? because it makes me laugh when people actually talk that way? But like, this post was like, totally awesome and like, insanely hilarious! I loveeeeeddddddd ittttttttttt!

MarliO said...

I think Britnee deserves recognition for her enthusiastic contribution. Maybe a cake for "Britnee with two ees."

EG said...

Depressing. So many dumb people in the world.

GiggleChief said...

I had to comment because of my WV today.

WV: "misspall" - It's almost too easy. It's like the WV heavens shown down just to make me giggle more.

Donna M. said...

Ashlee's cake looks like the same handwriting as "I want sprinkles".

Also, I've always wondered what the reason was for dribbling multi colored icing around the border of a cake and calling it "birthday decorating" (the 89th birthday one).

By the way, I have a t-shirt that says "5 out of 4 people have a problem with fractions"...stole it from my sister. :)

WV: sheds--where some of these cakes should have been put

Anonymous said...

These are my favorite kind of wrecks! Woot!

I'm so old. I Googled "totes redonk." And hen I Googled "Schwager House." Wanna know what they are? "Totally ridiculous" and a frat. Yay!

Derek said...

Hmmm, I always heard that 8/5ths of all statistics were made up... Interesting...

Anonymous said...

Like, oh my god, we need Jen to record the audio commentary! Please?

Melinda said...

That last cake is lovely, aside from the lettering failure.

I'd always heard the joke as, "There are 3 kinds of people in the world. Those who understand math, and those who don't."

dandy said...

And is that parsley I see on that first cake? Like I mean... parsley?

Monica said...

OMGosh that was totally Great! I love it! I was laughing so hard my cat looked at me like I was crazy!! Thanks for the laugh!!

Anonymous said...

Ahhh...Suzanne :) beat me to the binary joke.

Amy Raz

teri said...

Do you watch Mel B on the Style Channel? This happened to her on the last episode. She wanted "Pheonix" in the middle of the cake and they wrote "Pheonix in the middle". I blame her husband, he ordered it. But really? why are bakeries so dumb???

Emily said...

Well, 77% of people will believe anything with a statistic. And did you know that 94% of those stats are made up on the spot?

ARM said...

What no sprinkles?

Oh well congratualtions flower.

Ombaker said...

The posts on this blog are always funnier than the cakes.....and some cake are pretty darn funny. Thanks for all the laughs.

Bobbie said...

I just cannot believe that there are so many people as stupid as that. I'm thinking that the customers purchasing those cakes just irritated the bakers and the bakers said, 'Here you go you nasty customer! Here's exactly what you asked for!'

deromanticize said...

I don't know if this was your intention, but I read that whole thing hearing Brittany from Daria would say it.

cpeep said...

It makes me wonder why people continue to read this blog if they don't get it?

VK said...

Hey, Thanks, that sure helped! And I take it someone's substituting for you cos you are both on a cruise, right? {bright grin!}

thesacredandtheprofane said...

@Anon at 9:46- see, and I felt redonk because I understood the whole thing without having to go to Urban Dictionary. Course I have a preteen in the house, so perhaps I have an excuse...

stitch, philadelphia said...

@suzanne
OMG that's the most hilarious math joke ever. I'm cracking up here!

stitch, philadelphia said...

@suzanne. Hilarious math joke. I'm cracking up here.

Saralyn said...

You have "humor-challenged readers?" If they're humor-challenged, why are they reading this blog? They probably don't even *know* they're humor-challenged. Now that's sad.

Amy said...

I so know a girl like your intern. Wow, like, totally pathetic, right, ya know?

Donkaloosa said...

Painful, just painful --- I could hear those words being spoken as I read... I think I need some cake to get over my pain...

Sandy C said...

And so, oh, my Go$h! Readers who have a problem with today's post need to rent a clue. TOTALLY! Okay, okay, okay. So, I mean like... yeah.. like, get a life. fur sher...

Sandy

Maria said...

OH LOOOOORD..... LOL

Anonymous said...

I really hope that these people either
1) do not pay for these cakes
or
2) are given a free 'do over' cake that has been made correctly.


No way would I accept any of these from a bakery.

The last one killed me...both the commentary & the cake.

Rebecca J-G said...

AHHH!! I'm in LOVE with Britney!! This was the funniest entry ever! I could hear her voice and I just about peed myself laughing!
THANK YOU THANK YOU for getting my day off to a roaring start!

Christa said...

Holy moly, the Schwager House cake DOES have parsley on it... makes me wonder what the rolled up yellow things are *shudder*

Also, at the end of the post I totally heard in my head the *dink dink* when a cartoon character blinks blankly after reading Britnee's "Wait."

Susan said...

Totes redonk. That made me snort!!

Anonymous said...

Not that I doubt these are real but this seems to happen a lot. Was watching a show the other day that the same thing happened and it sure didn't look like they were buying a cake from some low end bakery. They even had the gall to tell the gal that it would take 3 hours to fix the problem. Even I know icing can be scraped off! Scary!!

Renee H. said...

Oh my, Britnee...

are you from my neck of the woods? (that wood being near Hollywood, CA)

everyone around here under the age of 40 --which would be about 8/5 since about 84% of them get plastic surgery-- talk with question marks at the end of every sentence.

like, O.M.G.? this was so funny?? i, like, laughed so hard i almost dropped my Chai Latte???

Terrrs-uh said...

soooo...... my brain went completely to american pie..... you know.... "so this one time at band camp (insert ridiculously stupid story here) and it was soooo funny!!!!!!!!! *giggle giggle*"

yeah.... so anyways.... yeah.... lol......

Anonymous said...

Math joke saved me at the end ... just barely ... I'm 25, female, and I have never acted/spoken like "Britnee", but - sadly - most of the females my age from middle class America do so the imitation was spot on.

*sigh*

Parents, expect more from your daughters, please. Do not accept this kind of self presentation. It's not cute.

Bluefairy said...

>>Did you know that 8/5 of Americans aren't good with fractions?

Yup :) And did you know that people can be divided into three categories? Those who can count and those who can't.

Tricia L said...

OMG, Britnee is so totally going to fit in with the rest of the inmates at CW.

May I suggest that one day you post a wreck with an audio button for each CW staff member (Jen, john, #1, Britnee, whoever else hangs out there like the UPS guy). Have each one record the commentary for that cake.

(BTW, we may have a SunDrop cake festival in my town based on yesterday's wedding cake.)

Jenn (dish) said...

I think I must be channeling my inner 12-year-old because when I saw the cake with "#1 on it" I read it as a command and almost shot coffee out of my nose laughing.

I suppose that *is* something you could do to a wreck...

WV= emaye: Emaye be thinking that I can spell "Ashlee," but e'd be wrong.

cyndikay said...

The first cake looks sickly,the one with the fruit?,looks icky,and the "89 in the corner" sounds like a dirty inside joke.
And for those of you devoid of a sense of humor,your life must be empty-So Eat Some Cake!!

Gary said...

Awesome job, Britnee.

That black object on the second cake (Schwager House All Caps) looks suspiciously like one of the extra-large cockroach bait stations we all have in our kitchens here in South Texas.

Morgan said...

And that's why I love your posts ... you are funny, being serious, being funny ;) thanks for a laugh! and a few snorts :)

Gary said...

My favorite math observation comes from the 2008 Presidential election season. An article in the New Yorker quoted a "retired schoolteacher" as saying she didn't think Barack Obama was trustworthy, because "He claims to be black, but I heard that he's really two-thirds Arab."

Two-thirds.
Think about it.

Dazee Dreamer said...

That last one was priceless. hell they were all priceless. I'm still laughing.

Anonymous said...

This was awesome!!!!! So fun, so amazing! So Wreckalicious! Or is Wrecktactular?

Anonymous said...

Can I add another obscure math joke which I totally stole from Think Geek?

11 cheers for binary!

wv: quaverin - The decorator was quaverin in her boots when she heard Britnee was reviewing the cakes today!

zombiekim said...

I'm betting that this post was aimed at all the people who said yesterday, "HEY THAT IS NOT A WRECK YUO DO NOT KNO WUT A WRECK IS (even though it is your blog and you came up with the idea)!!!@!!" Kudos.

Jess said...

I am not sure if I have ever commented here before, but gotta say this is one of the best. You guys brighten my day.

Craig said...

I'm afraid the humor-challenged community isn't going to find this post the least bit funny. (Wait for it...)

In fact, according to a survey I just made up, 50% are offended, 50% were not offended until they thought about it and the remaining 50% don't understand the question?

Anonymous said...

I hve been doing cakes for a while now. I actually spelled "congratulations" wrong a few weeks ago (missing the g). I realized it within a few hours and offered to change it, but the woman did not care. I work from home. I do, however, find these cakes HILARIOUS. I mean, we all make mistakes, but writing the instructions on a cake?? Just silly!

Anonymous said...

Well, I always "get" the stupidity and don't always find it very funny. I only hope this site 'shames the ignorant' and I know that is an oxymoronic expectation. I live in a particulary ignorant area where I constantly hear people defending their incorrect spelling and mispronounciations - in their drunken and drugged stupors. Believe me, that is a significan population of California - just 100 miles from Silicon Valley. And, I, too love your post - especially with the strange and wonderful piles of frosting. Sundays can be a wonder.

Juliana said...

8/5 of Americans? Wow! That's more than all of us!

Suzanne said...

Maybe I am showing my age, but Moon Unit Zappa was supplying the voice of Britnee in my head.

WV: prome. "Oh, I hope I can get one of those guys from Schwager House to take me to the prome!", says Britnee.

Anonymous said...

So the last part...the last word, actually, was the funniest part. "chortle" Really! it makes me chortle.

captive said...

'K, John, so...not good with fractions, you say? Here's a lad after your own heart. And I'm thinkin' the humour on this blog might resonate with you all

www.thesneeze.com/steve-dont-eat-it/

Diane

Anonymous said...

Well, at least that last one for Ashlee is beautifully done (unlike the #1 cake, which has the strangest mix of upper and lower case letters--and do I see the imprint of some guide lines for writing straight??).

Clearly some of these decorators are paid to be artistic, but not to think, interpret, or do anything other than what is literally on the order form...

Thanks, John, for channeling your inner Britney today
;-)

Lola said...

Loved it! I think Britnee should be a regular on cake wrecks? Omg totes!

Anonymous said...

Like, OMG, I could HEAR Britnee!

Like, did you get it? Oh, and I'll take ANY cake with #1 on it. Then engage.

Sad, sad, sad.... don't wreckerators have enough sense to look at a cake and figure they did something wonky? Imean, c'mon, people! 'Ashley.. with two ee's'....

Cripes.

They just don't get it. And if we use these bakers, neither do we.


~Di

ladyrazorsharp said...

Urrrgh, one of my pet peeves is people? Who end every phrase? With a question mark? And yes, many times the speaker is a young woman of fashion. Oh well. People still tell me I talk like a Valley Girl (one of the phrases that gives me away is "Oh m'gooosh").

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I thought that these sort of 'literal' wrecks would have gone the way of the Dodo by now (come on, doesn't everyone read CW? *g*). I'm always shocked when I find out that they haven't.

As the prissy manager from 'Chez Qui' in "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" said: "I *weep* for the future."

Kell-Dawg said...

How does one get to be a Cake Wrecks intern? Are you accepting applications? :)

Anonymous said...

Like, OMG? Great job Britnee!!!! Sorry you didn't get that last cake tho'? ;-D

The Schwager House cake: Yep. That looks like parsley to me. There are blackberries, blueberries, un-uniformly cut strawberries, kiwi roses(?) that look like bell peppers, and the yellow "roses" look like a rolled up slice of provolone cheese. Yum.

89nd (j/k) birthday girl's cake: I think the technicolor icing is supposed to look like "streamers". If done appropriately, I don't think it looks too bad - makes a cake look festive. But then they go and put curled ribbons on the cake. Yum.

wv: reard - These wreckerators need to reard the instructions more carefully!

Jen & john (hubby of Jen) - you should add a spot on your website dedicated to our word verifications ;-)

Nadia said...

i actually did laugh! your blog always makes me laugh!! thanks for helping me stay healthy!

Ladybug914 said...

Adding "totes redonk" to my list of phrases to drop in conversation while driving my teen and his friends somewhere...I will be the coolest mom, evah! ;-)

And I totally heard Moon Unit Zappa in my head while reading the post. Great, now I feel old.

Pamela said...

I find it so great that after all the days of wreaks,the whole gang there keeps coming up with these awesome ideas to deliver the laughs.To find the wreaks out there in this big old world appears to be easy, but to have such variety in your ways of making us laugh is the real talent. It keeps the blog fresh and makes one look forward to tomorrow to see what you will do. Is there a Cake Wreaks #2 book out?

Nadia said...

the schwager house- they totally cut the tops off the strawberries, and inverted them. you have strawberry stems in your cake!!

Melvria said...

Oh my gawd... I like *totally* get the joke now! Hehehe. It really DOES drive me nuts when people think they have to explain the cakes to all of us in the comments section. Well, cuz, ya know... we're so stupid!

Stacy Q said...

I am such an old cow, I just spent 10 minutes googling to try and figure out what "totes redonk" means.

Isabella said...

...when did we get transported to 1989 Encino, CA?


....There's not a pay phone in the corner, is there?

BADKarma! said...

"6/5" would have been funnier. Hah.

Anonymous said...

Yeah! And there are 10 types of people in the world: those who don't know binary, and those who do. Ha!

Anonymous said...

ok college frat house (Schwager House) rolled white paper and "parsley"...
fruit and cheese for those beigy flowers on cake....
hmmm....seems to add up.
i'm just saying is all

Emilia said...

At first I have to say,that I just looove your blog! Everyday I come here to see if there's something new to laugh about :D

These was great "Ashlee with two ee's" :D

-Emilia from Finland-

Jessie said...

and 9/10 of all statistics are made up on the spot.

Jennifer said...

I would actually describe the noise I made after reading the math joke as a chortle.

Sariah said...

Like, OH MY GOSH, Britnee was AWESOME. Keep her. :) SO glad she could totally help out with the translations.

(LOVED this post. I am literally laughing out loud. That happens a lot on this blog.)

john (the hubby of Jen) said...

Anon @ 5:03,

I would love to post your comment. I enjoy constructive criticism. However, I am done posting anonymous criticism. If you are courageous enough to write an angry comment, at least be courageous enough to put your name.

That is all.

john

Anonymous said...

That was quite possibly the funniest post I've ever read on this blog. Or, should I say, "OMG, it was, like, THE totally funniest thing I have seen EVAR, and, like, 'totes redonk'." XP

Katie said...

Waaaahahahahaha! I love you guys.

American Girl said...

The fruit decorations on the Schwager House Cake look like they were done by kids. Haha, great post.

tiny purple elephant said...

Classic cakewrecks......
lol

Simone said...

My current fave...Three statisticians went out hunting and saw a rabbit.

The first one fired and missed it on the left. The second one fired and missed it on the right.

The third statistician cried "We hit it!"

(you may have to think about it).

Love the cakes. I think Britnee is in my class :)

Anonymous said...

haha! my name is ashlee too, and I get that last one ALL the time!

msyendor said...

OMG!!!!! Now I've got a Julie Brown earworm and find myself humming "Everybody run. The Homecoming Queen's got a gun ..."

Prob 'cuz her grad cake had all these weird spellings and, OMG, the wrong name! WTF, I mean, how hard is it to spell Ashley/Ashleigh/Ashlee/Ashli/Ashelley ...

Yes, all names I've transcribed.

Anonymous said...

Seriously! That was like your bestest work EVER! Oops, ha ha, my gum fell out. I'm gonna like ask my mom to get me one of those for my birthday, but like really really big [chomp, chomp] and really pink and stuff. Yeah, so like WHAT-EV-ER? I'm bored. I'm hanging up now. I need new gum.

jillb-ilslp said...

For the record, I get it.

And I love it!

Tiffany said...

I SOOO love the valley voice, like, totally... I should SO do that some day, ya know?? Like, wear a ponytail and leggins to work, and stuff... Just to, ya know, see if anyone really would, like, get totally annoyed and stuff.

Loved it guys! :)

wv - comere: Comere an read dis ere post! Yu'll wet yer pants laffin'

Bubbles said...

Anyone else wondering if the people who don't get it are actually the sorts of decorators who make these mistakes?
"I fail to see what's so funny. I get these requests at work all the time!"

esther said...

I don't get it either...
*starts licking screen, gets up walks into wall repeatedly*

explain it to me

Craig is my real name said...

#1 Icing? Looks more like plaster. I guess I've seen the handwriting on the wall (ba-dup!).

I think of that Zappa tune every time I read an example of Valspeak, but I don't feel old at all. Maybe that's because a merry heart does good like a medicine.

John (thoJ), I total... er, completely agree. It's what the header on the forum says, after all. Wreck on!

Wolvie Girl said...

This whole post was laike? Yew knooow? Tewdally aaahsum? I wuz all laike OMG eeewkaaay??? Laike tewdally !!!!!!one!!1!!eleventyone!!! Laike gaag me with an entire place setting eeewkaayyy?

*re-inserts brain cells*

Meanwhile I thought the first cake was quite pretty and understated at first until I zoomed in and the things I thought were little bunches of grapes suddenly looked like giant bird poos with wasabi garnish.

Oh and Anonymous (wow that's a surprise) at 11:05 - yeah I know a heck of a lot of girls that talk like that too. Here in Australia. And I still think it's funny.

Arlene said...

Not at all shocked by these cakes lol. No longer can a wreckerator shock me with the lack of paying attention to what they are doing. I need to know where the bakeries find these people so we can make sure to run away screaming.. preferably after I get a nice piece of cake.

Jennifer said...

Chortle and guffaw.

Tamex said...

Re: "#1 on it": They were lucky. The wreckerator could have just peed all over the cake instead.

Anonymous said...

I don't know how these people ever get by in life. Seriously.

Anonymous said...

I'm glad dear old mom wasn't 69!

Anonymous said...

You know, Im a decorator and I keep having people tell me how creative I am and how I have so much talent. I seriously didnt beleive it. I was like, anyone can do this. Its just something I learned. Anyone can learn how to decorate a cake.....but after seeing these cakes....Im not so sure. Some people really just shouldn't be doing this.

Aviatrix said...

I usually just read far enough into the comments to ensure that my totally original, side-splitting comment (e.g. today's "I don't get it") has already been submitted by multiple people, but now I spare a moment to feel for Jen and John as they read the eighth iteration of some well-meaning person explaining what the cake was supposed to say, and that the baker just made a mistake, and also "your" stupid if you can't tell that's supposed to be a dog/balloon/fireman/carrot/baby.

Some blogs have a regular post celebrating the best comments of the week. It would be nice to see the wheat winnowed from the chaff. If that's what winnowing is.

Cecelia said...

I'm 13, and I get ALL of your humor. *hint, hint*

Hira Animfefte (Xera Anymphefte) said...

Epic Facepalm FTW!

Anonymous said...

Ashely... with two ee's
scared my cat I laughed out loud so hard! :) keep bringin it!

M.L. said...

these KIND OF F**K ups are THE best.
seriously. I'm dying here of laughter.

adam with blue flowers. leave blank. :D AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....