Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Hey Rab-baht!

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Today, we're going to talk about carrots.

Or more specifically, carrot cake. You see, for hundreds of thousands of years, bakers have been trying to hide the taste of carrots - which is most charitably described as "dirt-like"- by mixing it with truckloads of sugar and cream cheese icing. This makes even the most rancid of vegetables - aka, carrots - slightly less disgusting and, of course, extremely healthy.

But how does a baker, who is bound by law to disclose that his cake actually contains putrid dirt veg, tell his customers without making them want to vomit?

Well, there's always lying:

"That's funny; why do these red velvet cupcakes taste like feet?"


Or making it completely illegible:

"Hm. I feel like these orange arrows are trying to tell me something about my Canb cake. But what could it be?!?"


Or the baker can mangle the shape of the aforementioned foul devil vegetable to confuse people:

"I'm detecting notes of chocolate icing and...is that...? Yes...I think it is! Fetid bunny swill. Huh."


Some have tried tweaking the color to muppet blue:

This way instead of imagining carrots - the ingrown hairs of the earth - in your cake, you can imagine synthetic fur - which is of course a vast improvement.


In the end, though, it's always best to just be honest:

Cak Rot?

Sounds about right to me.



Note: Before the carrot cake coalition comes after me, I should mention that I actually love carrot cake. Carrots, however, are evil like the froo-its of the de-vill. Which just goes to show: if you put enough sugar in something, even the most revolting, repellent, repulsive, sickening, nauseating, stomach-churning, stomach-turning, off-putting, unpalatable, distasteful, foul, nasty, vomitous vegetable known to man can be super duper yummy.

Special thanks to peachesrevenge, Simon L., Nora B., Lacey J., Natasha T., and my Mac Thesaurus, which never lets me down.
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WifeOfSeth said...

Ha! Even when I cook carrots for us, we do them candied style with brown sugar and butter. anything that drowns out the carrot-y taste. ;)

id said...

*crunch crunch crunch*

Anonymous said...

Sorry, but you have it wrong. "The most revolting, repellent, repulsive, sickening, nauseating, stomach-churning, stomach-turning, off-putting, unpalatable, distasteful, foul, nasty, vomitous vegetable known to man" is actually the lima bean.

Ethan said...

Crazy!

Anonymous said...

Whoa, the 'Canb' cake looks like it says an entirely different four-letter word! How rude! Unless it's the flavor of the cake, but that's a whole different problem.

The Boob Nazi said...

Love the So I Married an Axe Murderer reference. And the post, of course.

Sharon said...

Love the Cak Rot cake. AND...not only did they pipe it that way once, but actually gave us a twin cake! Whooh Whooh!

Go Wreckers....go wreckers!

Sharon's Edible Art

Half Assed Kitchen said...

Methinks you don't care for carrots.

Shawn D said...

Carrots, the ingrown hair of the earth

One of the funniest things I've ever read! Thanks for the morning laugh.

amchornetgirl said...

Is it just me, or does the writing on the second cake look like the dreaded c-word?

Tricia L said...

Rather than being a deformed carrot on top of the chocolate cake, I believe that is the flower of that plant they show on the news from time to time. You know, the flower that smells like rotting meat. That would fit in with your dislike of carrots.

Anonymous said...

Yay! Another carrot hater, huzzah! I feel vindicated and will now use "ingrown hairs of the earth" as my new catch-phrase to describe them. Carrot cake, however, is delicious especially with a nice cream cheese icing!

loisgroat said...

I love that Winnie the Pooh narrates the title of your post.

Sharon said...

Carrots: ingrown hairs of the earth....snicker!

Love the post, John! And I'm with you when it comes to the taste of carrots...a dirt-like essence...bleah!

Still, you have to love those little carrot jockeys....

Sharon's Edible Art

Rebecca said...

As much as I LOVE LOVE LOVE carrot cake, I just had to laugh at "ingrown hairs of the earth". You've done it again -- turned righteous indignation into embarrassingly loud laughter. Mazel tov.

Anonymous said...

I initially read the illegible one as something very rude indeed....

Lady of the loch said...

The canb cake looks like it says something different to me. U and T instead of A and B. I hate that word, why would someone write something that looks like that? Nice So I married an Axe Murderer quote. The canb cake fits the bill.

Leslie said...

Gotta disagree with the last paragraph. That's why brussel sprout cakes aren't more popular....

Venkman's Mom said...

Someone who thinks carrots are a gross vegetable has obviously never had a brussel sprout!

Stephanie said...

Hehe, John, you and my sister are peas in a pod when it comes to carrots.
Also, now I have an almost irresistable urge to make a carrot cake... yummyness. :D

Sara said...

I'm pretty sure I had some cak rot once at a little Klingon cafe.

Gary said...

Hey, what's wrong with carrots?
They taste good!

I'm still trying to process the fact that you said something about carrots and carrot cake without mentioning naked mohawk baby carrot jockeys.
No, it just doesn't compute.

Let me say it once more for good measure: Naked Mohawk Baby Carrot Jockeys.

Anonymous said...

You seem to have carrots confused with beets.

Anonymous said...

I thought I was the only person alive who had lines memorized from "So I Married An Axe Murderer." That is a great movie! Thanks for reminding me of the laughs. To go with my carrot cake, I thought I ordered a LARGE cappuccino. Haha! --Emily

john (the hubby of Jen) said...

Hey all,

Just so we're clear, there are many varied and wonderfully disgusting vegetables in this world of ours. However, carrots have chosen to single themselves out at every holiday meal by gleefully proclaiming, "Hey! Eat me boiled and mushy! People claim I'm good for you!"

Lima beans and Brussels sprouts know better. They just sit over in a corner, relaxing in a vat of butter and minding their own business. Carrots are the obnoxious second cousins of the vegetable family.

john

Sarah Weller said...

Nice use of the Thesaurus! Love it!

Sarah McNair said...

Have you ever seen a pea cake? No...no? That's because not even sugar and cream cheese (or any other delectably sweet thing) can make those nasty little balls of bitter any good. I'd take carrots any day!

Tricia said...

I love carrots. I may not ever be able to get past the ingrown hairs of the earth reference. Darn you cakewrecks!

Dani said...

I like carrots and carrot cake but I think cream cheese icing is just about the most disgusting thing on the planet (The actual honor goes to Dr. Pepper). Cheese has no place in desert food. And before you ask, Cheese cake is slimy and gross.

Gary said...

Hey, you know, the writing on that second cake doesn't look like "canb" so much as it looks like "Epcot."

babyblue1217 said...

Carrots? Naaa... okra! Slimy gobs of nobby goo that can't be swallowed regardless of the number of years threatened with NO TV!! -- Anna

Juno said...

Urg...you know, I like carrots, but I don't think I'll be able to eat them now for a while...

Anonymous said...

Dani:
I love cheese on my desert food. I just don't want it in my dessert.

Jim Todd said...

Don't hold back, John - tell us how you *really* feel about carrots! :)

Anonymous said...

Um yeah I also see on the second cake the "c" word that rhymes with punt....which is not something I want to eat. I don't swing that way.

Karin Spirn said...

Don't make these people come after you:

http://www.babycarrots.com/

Jessica said...

You know, I was going to pick up a carrot cake from a local bakery tonight, because we were invited to a friends house for dinner. This bakery makes an amazing version of carrot cake, but I think after this post I am going to get mini cannolis instead.
Thanks Cake Wrecks. :)

Marcy W. said...

"the ingrown hairs of the earth" - BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

WV - cardsmsu - I'm sure it's related to tiramisu.

Charlene said...

On the other hand, there is not enough sugar on the planet to hide the revolting taste of cantaloupe. Or licorice.

Redhead Justice said...

Hey John,

Are carrots really the obnoxious second cousins of the family? Or are you too PC to call them redheaded stepchildren?

R.J.

Anonymous said...

I love the Cak Rot cakes! I think I sprayed my monitor with coffee on that one! Too funny!

Amy A

Renee H. said...

wow.

i HATE carrot cake, but since my hubby (also named John) just loooooves it, i was considering making him some.

but "Ingrown Hairs of the Earth" has officially swayed me against it.

ewww ewww EWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!

john (the hubby of Jen) said...

@ Redhead Justice,

See, to me, the term redheaded stepchild means more that someone is not related and, of course, carrots are very much a part of the family. They're just the part that nobody likes. They're the obnoxious second cousin who shows up to the party drunk wearing a wife beater and making rude jokes to your 105 year old grandmother, Mrs. Collard Green.

john

Gentrey said...

- the ingrown hairs of the earth -

LOL!

coeurdechoeur said...

Mmm, I love carrots. Carrot cake, on the other hand, is evil, because it almost always contains walnuts, which are the true fruit of the devil. At least to people like me who are allergic.

WV: endadera - Don't youa dare-a cut inafronta me ina line-a! Go to the endadera!

Amy said...

OMG, was that a So I Married an Axe Murderer reference? This blog rocks!

And this really post makes me regret not taking a photo of the giant chocolate chip cookie that had icing carrots on it.

Miranda said...

Wow! I have never actually heard someone talk with such hate about carrots--obviously you've never had a good one--if you're eating them from the store, yes they taste like that--if you grow them at home organically, they taste like pure sugar and have none of the feet or dirt taste you mention. I'll keep eating my carrots and have awesome health and eyesight.

Bluefairy said...

What's wrong with carrots? I think raw carrots are delicious. And Bugs Bunny agrees with me. So you guys have a problem ;) Or maybe you only tried the tasteless, genetically modified cr*p.

Carrot cake on the other hand sounds icky. Carrot+sugar? really? ew. Thank goodness no one heard about that recipe in my country :)

Drawn to Caricature said...

Oh Cooolllll! A red/green colour blindness test that comes in cake form!
So much more fun than those spot tests.

cath c said...

i happen to love carrots - and not a fan of carrot cake. to each her own.

now when they start making eggplant cake, that's an entirely different matter. blech.

ELFRN said...

Love that tiny So I Married an Axemurderer Reference. :) One of my favs!

janet2buns said...

I'm getting the impression...I don't know how....that that Jen doesn't like carrots...

Upupaepops said...

pity about the hate of the carrot.

I think one of the most perfect veg out there

but WOOT for Carrot Cake

The complete and balanced diet

veg
fruit
dairy
legume
fat

Anonymous said...

I love your vituperous languange, but it is best directed at BELL PEPPERS. And who ever heard of a raw bell pepper cake. There is nothing you can do with a raw bell pepper to make it edible or useful - other than compost it perhaps. BTW, carrots and celery grow best in sandy soil. No "dirt" aftertaste with those. Norine

Keeley said...

Excellent post John. Cak Rot made me laugh out loud--twice. As did your description of carrots. Although I like carrots...to each his own.

diddleymaz said...

I adore raw carrots, have you tried them like that? mind you american vegtables are not as good as British ones.....

Reepicheep-chan said...

I lurve carrots myself. Definately in my top 5 fav veggies, especially when baked. My mother makes this fab veggie dish at Thanksgiving with potatoes, onions, and carrots baked together with some salt and pepper... mmmm, I could eat my fill on just that and **** the turkey.

LSB said...

So, John, how do you REALLY feel about carrots? Don't hold back...

Dennis said...

hmmm...I must be one of the weird ones then because I LOVE carrots. steamed with just butter...or even RAW! mmmmm carrots......*goes off to the fridge and gets out some carrots to snack on*

Suzanne :-) said...

I feel the same way about asparagus.

Kara Lynn said...

My mother in law's birthday is tonight. I made carrot cake. Now I'm thinking I suck at life ;-) It is super pretty though. I'd like to thank you, Cakewrecks, for making me paranoid. I triple check every single thing I spell on my cakes, and sometimes make my husband check too just to be sure. I'm pretty sure the stress of it has taken at least two years off of my life.

Anonymous said...

I totally agree with the stomach churning monstrosity known as the carrot, and the fact that they can be yummy if baked into a good cake. Love the "cak rot" cakes. What in the world was the wreckerator thinking?

booturtle said...

Oh my! The second cake is totally a dirty word. Someone was a bad girl!

Dennis said...

Hmm...I must be one of the weird ones. I LOVE carrots. One of my favorite veggies. The only way I don't like them is when they are candied. yuck. However, I do love carrot cake! I think I am going to go have a snack now of RAW carrots....lol

Angelina Krell said...

Ok, so the second cake down.. That does not say carrot.. I clearly see 'C U Next Tuesday.' I know I am not the only pervert that sees it's either..

StephakneeSays said...

That second cake definitely says "see you in tea", but in fewer letters...

Connie Moreno said...

Your post today made me CRINGE... Unline you, I love carrots but absolutely detest CAK ROT cake.

ugh....shudder....

Partyfoul265 said...

The third cake isn't carrot by any means. Its chocolate...with a sad orange flower on top for decoration. But it's delicious and carrot free....I know this because I live off of this delicious cake found at Vons. Are we allowed to say names, point fingers, and say they draw crappy flowers? Oops...I just did

Pamela said...

I love carrots. I love carrot cake. I love Cake Wreaks.

Laura B. said...

I challenge you to make a cake from brussels sprouts that anyone would want to eat.

Shannon said...

Oh Jen, how I love it that you hate carrots as much as I do. I shall henceforth refer to them only as "the ingrown hairs of the earth."

Made. My. Day. :)

Anonymous said...

Funny post! Carrots are delicious, not disgusting!

Jade said...

Actually, carrots aren't good for rabbits, either; the amount of sugar in them is too high for rabbits to eat in anything but very small amounts. The carrot greens, on the other hand, are perfect rabbit food.

Personally, I've always loved carrots, raw or cooked. I tend to avoid carrot cake because it often has nuts in or on it, and I hate nuts. I probably would have been turned off by carrot cake as well if any of them had looked like those pics.

Melody said...

Carrots of any kind are delish. Lima Beans (paste packets) and brussel sprouts (smell like feet) are truly the worst vegetables ever!

Love this blog so much :)

Suzanne said...

Oh great. Guess what's going in the crock pot today with the chicken and potatoes...

Melody said...

Interesting note: Carrots used to be purple. King William of Orange (The Netherlands) asked the Dutch farmers to make them orange!

Margie said...

I LOVE carrots personally, but for all you carrot haters out there, you should try carrot soufle. YUUUUUMMy!!

Anonymous said...

I feel the same way about squishy, squashy, rubbery eggplant. Blekh.

Goueznou said...

Fortunately for me, carrots that taste like dirt have been, in my experience, the rare exception. But you have to get good ones, and use them before they start to go bad, and prepare them correctly. If you're just going to boil them, you may as well serve paper pulp instead.

Parsnips do tend to taste a lot more like dirt. I wonder if a parsnip cake would be any good. I bet the natural sweetness of carrots makes them a better choice. I think a lot of holiday dinners include a boiled combination of parsnips and carrots, which probably doesn't do much good for either one.

I also think a lot of people maintain a theoretical hatred of certain foods when they've only had a particularly bad variety or preparation, e.g. hating apples when you've only tried Granny Smiths. My mom thought she hated eggplant for years because Grandma didn't know how to cook eggplant correctly. Most vegetables, including carrots, eggplant, lima beans, beets, peas, bell peppers, and yes, even brussels sprouts, can be made to taste good, usually with very little effort, as long as you get them fresh.

On the other hand, if you had said CAROB tastes like dirt, I'd be right there with ya.

Annette said...

Carrots are wonderful, especially fresh from the garden ones.

If you're cooking them until they're mushy, well then no wonder you don't like them. They should be soft but still a little crisp. If that makes sense.

Worst vegetable of all in my book is zucchini - blech! Terrible tasting even when they try to hide it in bread and cakes.

Kelly said...

Not sure about the rest of you, but I see a dirty word on that second cake....

Anonymous said...

Carrots=yum
Cake=yum
Cream cheese frosting=yum
Carrot cake=digusting

No cake should ever have a vegetable in it (and I'm someone who loves veggies and cake, but not together).

Kortni said...

Love it! Carrot cake is my favorite! Makes me want some - now!

Anonymous said...

You have obviously been eating wrong carrtos. Small, fresh carrots are just de-li-cious!

Jill said...

" Which just goes to show: if you put enough sugar in something, even the most revolting, repellent, repulsive, sickening, nauseating, stomach-churning, stomach-turning, off-putting, unpalatable, distasteful, foul, nasty, vomitous vegetable known to man can be super duper yummy."

When someone manages to come up with a Brussels sprout cake that follows this assumption, then I will agree. ;)

Erin said...

oh John, you are priceless. I'm so glad to have cakewrecks to enjoy your and Jen's humor.

At first, i agreed with Anony M. that it's the lima bean. but i guess the carrot's ubiquitousness makes it the "obnoxious" second cousin. I like them, but i feel your pain, man. If you come over to our place for dinner, I promise, i'll never serve you carrots.

ladyrazorsharp said...

I've seen purple carrots before, and white ones (which are probably more commonly known as 'parsnips') but if ANY carrot I'm served is light aqua, I'm running for the hills.

I like carrot cake too, and I like red velvet cake. Thinking of combining them is not a happy thought. *gag*

Do you think the "Cak Rot" was a poor attempt at making a Dragonball Z cake honoring Kakarrot (Goku)? That's all I came up with.

Andy Mathis said...

Love me some carrot souffle at the Piccadilly.

PD said...

Our wedding cake was carrot-- I'm pretty sure there are some people who haven't forgiven us, but I refuse to apologize. I happen to love carrots in all their guises.

And yes, the "canb" cake looks more to me like a highly offensive word, unprintable in this family blog.

bassbone said...

Sorry, carrots are delicious. The most disgusting vegetable is the bell pepper hands down. Carrots are the food of God himself.

Also, I love the Abbot and Costello reference in the post title.

KellyGrrl said...

"The ingrown hairs of the earth" OMG I totally just gagged.... hahaha now I'm gonna have a hard time eating carrots......... hahahaha

Molly Malone said...

Huh... I've never had a 'Canb' cake... what do they taste like?

Robin said...

I love carrots. Not as much as onions, but still.

michiganexpats.com said...

Aw, I like carrot cake! But those are some funny "carrots". My favorite is Cak Rot. haha

Susan said...

I could not agree with you more. Carrots are disgusting. They only thing more evil are peppers!!!! The taste of peppers cannot be disguised even with copious amounts of delicious cream cheese frosting.

Melinda said...

I like carrots--raw, cooked, or in cake. I have an awesome recipe for carrot cake that has mini chocolate chips in it...oh, now I want cake. I have to agree with "Anonymous" at 9:36 AM about lima beans...or any fibrous bean with a tough skin. Kidney beans, blech. I'm not fond of peas, either; they're all mushy and nasty.

As for the second cake, I think that a lot of you have dirty minds. I saw "carob," which is also offensive, but nowhere near in the same league. :-P

Anonymous said...

I love the "froo-its of the de-vill" in cake, too. I also love the "So I Married an Axe Murder" line.

Janelle said...

being allergic to carrots I LOVE this post!!! Awesome!!!

Sheryl said...

Count me amongst the piggies that think that the "Canb" cake was really trying to insult some poor unknowing vixen with sweetness. And for me -- the title of the post is my favorite reference, and one of my very favorite lines from "Robin Hood: Men in Tights." (I *hate* that guy!)

Dave said...

Interestingly, the whole point of carrot cake is that it lets you use less sugar. Carrot cakes became popular during war-time sugar rationing.

Carrots are themselves a pretty rich sugar source, and their sweetness is greatly enhanced when they are baked. During rationing, baking a carrot cake meant you could have cake and still have sugar left over for your tea or coffee.

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad other readers saw a dirty word, on cake No. 2. I would be worried if it was just me! Kim

Anonymous said...

If you really want to shock your taste buds, try fried broccoli. Japanese restaurants sometimes serve it that way when you order tempura. Bleh!

And I agree with one of the previous comments. If you hate any vegetable, it's probably because you've never tasted it cooked the right way.

Nonni said...

Wow... I feel like the evil witch. I love carrots but I get them fresh from the farmer's market folks so I guess I'm spoiled. They can be so very tasty on their own and even better in a fresh juice with apples. Mmm. I love carrot cake but I became a picky little snot after I had the world's best carrot cake in a little place in Crockett, CA. The Valona Deli has the best and I've been searching for some comparable for about seventeen years now.

Anonymous said...

HOW DARE YOU!? carrot cake is delicious and marvelous and the more sugar you add to it to "mask"it the worst the cake is. Because carrots have a natural sweetness that comes out so well in a cake. And I'm not an old person either!!!! but I do like ur blog ;)
LOL

M. Mcgough said...

But... But I LIKE carrots. (the hubby loves them, in lots of honey and butter... which is not so different than the cake I guess.)

Lalli said...

I love carrots! They're great. And, did you know that red velvet cake used to contain beets? So that first one is at least hinting at a veggie being included...

Anonymous said...

"The most revolting, repellent, repulsive, sickening, nauseating, stomach-churning, stomach-turning, off-putting, unpalatable, distasteful, foul, nasty, vomitous vegetable known to man" is the brussel sprout. I shudder at the mere thought of brussel sprouts.

Heidi said...

I couldn't agree more - carrots taste just like dirt. Every Thanksgiving my (bless his dead-tastebuds heart) husband insists on making his mom's famous "candied carrots." Blech! They do NOT taste "like butter and brown sugar." They taste like dirt - I mean, carrots!

Kou said...

I never heard of anyone not liking carrots before. The most commonly hated seem to be broccoli or brussels sprouts but people don't try to put those into cakes...

I tried to think of a vegetable I don't like but I like all of them. The only way I hate vegetables it covered in butter so you can't taste them.

hbfj said...

Any Rosh Hashanah cakes?

Anonymous said...

I'm gonna have to disagree and say that the most revolting, repellent, repulsive, sickening, nauseating, stomach-churning, stomach-turning, off-putting, unpalatable, distasteful, foul, nasty, vomitous vegetable known to man is, in fact, celery.

I mean, seriously, it's stringy, bitter, and only SLIGHTLY tolerable when chopped into itty-bitty bits and mixed into some poor unsuspecting salad.

No amount of sugar and/or frosting can salvage the flavor of this terrible stuff. Whenever my daughter is watching Wonder Pets, and it gets to the end where they say "this calls for some celery!Mmmmmmm!" I actually gag a little.

At least carrots can be vastly improved by ranch dip.

Nix said...

I feel the same way about zucchini.

Classic Steve said...

Hmph. I like carrots cooked or raw but have little use for carrot cake. Still better than carrot juice, tho.

Ginamonster said...

That's funny, that is precicelt what I call tomatoes.

Del said...

My perpetually sunny three year old couldn't even salvage the mangled icing carrots. 'Oh, that's a nice... uh, wow, Mama, that's really a cake wreck.'

Christine said...

I don't HATE carrots, but thanks for that horrible hirsute imagery. Fortunately it was redeemed.

"Good morrow, abbot!"

Christy said...

I like carrot cake, but the way you described it, makes me question ma self;)

Renee said...

Broccoli is more revolting, repulsive, etc. than carrots. Notice you can't even make a tasty broccoli cake.

Amy from Nashville said...

Help... I've never seen I Married An Axe Murderer. Please identify which quote comes from that movie.

msyendor said...

Okra. Okra is still monarch of disgusting. Raw, fried, or baked it is still the spitwad of the vegetable kingdom. Not fit for a savory pie much less a cake.

WV: bulluct. Yeah, bulluct.

Carrot Lover said...

Hate carrot cake, ADORE carrots.
This blog post makes me sad.

Anonymous said...

Ah, come on, carrots are yummy and delicious - especially as compared with, say, parsnips! Now there is a *vomitous vegetable*! Ogden Nash said *The parsnip, children, I repeat, is simply an anaemic beet*... evidently he couldn't persuade his kids to eat 'em either. Cooking parsnips will perfume your kitchen worse than broccoli, cabbage, and cauliflower cooked together. With a side of liver & onions.

Merry from Annie's Book Stop

Anonymous said...

I just made two cakes (one chocolate cake, one spice cake) each with a full cup of pureed beets. The chocolate one also had a cup of shredded zucchini and a cup of shredded carrots. Talk about hiding the "vegedevils"... No one suspected a thing! They were delicious! To find the recipes, go to allrecipes.com

Gary said...

Jade said...
... Actually, carrots aren't good for rabbits, either; the amount of sugar in them is too high for rabbits to eat in anything but very small amounts. ..."

My co-worker (who has a pet rabbit) told me this a few years ago, and my response was, "Carrots are bad for bunnies? OK, it's official. EVERYTHING I learned as a child has now turned out to wrong."

Gary said...

Yes, carrots are bad for bunnies.
Mice don't like cheese much, either.

alan said...

I think that second cake actually says lamb! Hmmmm now that's appetizing!

Tricia L said...

My favorite carrot cake was at Ponderosa. And the best chocolate cake I ever had was made with sauerkraut.

The key to good carrots is buy fresh organic ones. And don't leave them in the crisper until they turn into a mutant life form. Steamed or microwaved with butter.

Anonymous said...

As far as I am concerned Leave all the rabbit food to the rabbits. Keep them away fro me in all forms. sugar or not.

Vegetable = YUCK!

Anonymous said...

Normally, I would not beg to differ but I feel I should stick up for the lowly carrot. Raw carrots are delightful - crunchy, vitamin-rich and crazily orange. Cook them, however, and they spew forth a taste best described as "ptooey". By the logic you propose, a cake based on turnips would be lovely if just laden with enough sugar and plastered with cream cheese frosting. And we all know THAT ain't true.

Anonymous said...

I actually love carrot cake too, but boy do they ever taste like dirt. Right on again, with another fantastic blog!! Also, I'm glad I'm not the only one who saw a much more repulsive word than carrot in that second picture!

Cray Z Critter said...

I love the site, but never commented. This one made me laugh. I own a rabbit, and even he hates carrots. He'd sooner bury one than eat it.

Natalie said...

Oh, come on, John...don't spare your feelings. Tell us how you *really* feel about carrots! ;)

Anne said...

Aw, I love carrots, although I've never really cared for carrot cake. I will grant that good carrot cake is, well, good, but there are some shoddy attempts out there, and not just the ones you featured.

But we have a good family friend who detest, abhors, and hates, hates, HATES carrots with a passion, so I had to laugh while reading this post. Actually, I think I'll have to send it to her. She'll agree with John wholeheartedly.

Stacy said...

Yeah, I saw an entirely different word than "canb". But it has been proven that there is something wrong with me.

Nicole said...

This is my favorite post ever. Why?

1) Carrots ARE incredibly disgusting, you're right.

2) Carrot cake, however, is a little bit of heaven.

3) ..."the ingrown hairs of the earth"...hilarious.

4) So I Married an Axe Murderer is one of the greatest movies of all time.

Love!

D.B. Echo said...

Twenty years ago my neighbor in Newark, Delaware had a block party. Our adjoining fenced-in back yards were connected by a gate, and it came to pass that the adults of the neighborhood settled into his yard, drinking and smoking and chatting, while the children came into my yard, playing in and around my garden. My carrots were just ready to be picked, so we carefully pulled a few and washed them off with a garden hose. A few adventurous younger children tried them and learned that fresh-picked, tender carrots are sweeter than candy and taste nothing like the wooden replicas sold in supermarkets.

The next January was a cold and snowy one. I didn't have a car, so I was taking my bicycle down to the post office to mail a large and bulky package. Several of the neighborhood children were out in the street, playing in the snow. One of them, a little four-year-old boy, approached me and said something. Bundled up as he was, I couldn't make out what he said. He repeated himself more clearly.

"Can I have a cawwot?"

Obviously, John, you were not that boy.

Ashley said...

i like carrots pretty well, but i don't munch on raw ones. i'm not actually a fan of cake in general, but i love carrot cake. the chicken soup recipe i base off of says to use 3 carrots -- i use 2 pounds (similarly with the celery, which i don't munch on raw either). and carrot juice mixed 50/50 with orange juice is yummy yummy yummy! and there's plenty of vegetables i *don't* like.

but bell peppers, which someone doesn't like, oh i could eat ripe ones raw all day long! and the green ones are good lightly stir-fried in the right dishes.

Melyssa said...

Don't hold back, John. How do you really feel?

City Girl Quilter said...

Finally someone with a proper perspective on carrots.

Anonymous said...

yup, i definitely read the canb cake as a "c u next tuesday" cake. I definitely do not want my cake to taste like that

little gator said...

Broccoli is bad, but cauliflower is worse.

Carolyn said...

Oh, good LORD, why do I have to intervene when people keep posting information that is so clearly WRONG! The most disgusting, vomitous, inedible, vile, gag-eous, cack-tasting vegetable is demonstrably, indisputably, legally defined as the Brussel's Sprout. [*shuddder*]. the only vegetable you can eat, that tastes like it's already been eaten! (Love carrot cake, though!)

Court said...

Why do I get the impression that you don't like carrots? Am I reading too much into this post?

Lulu said...

Despite my absoloute love of carrots (I'll happily eat them raw dunked in cream cheese, nevermind the glory that is a well steamed carrot baton...) again your commentary had me in stitches <3

Vicki said...

No wonder why I love you guys...I also don't like carrots and I absolutely LOVE So I Married An Axe Murderer! (Best line is "My name is John Johnson but everyone here calls me Vicki" - obviously)

Monica said...

If you think carrots are the pit of doom of all veggies, you have clearly never had brussle sprouts!

Anonymous said...

I was gonna yell at you for not loving the wonderful carrot. But now I'm crushed to discover that, after all the geekiness, grammar-nazi-ing, and all-around intellect displayed in this blog, you are, in fact, a Mac user.... My heart is broken.

creeandme said...

I have this level of distaste for bananas. The shock and judgment of the yellow "fruit" has followed me all of my days. While I confess my love of carrots I stand in solidarity with your disgust.

twicek said...

Don't forget to have some Kabi-Wabi Woom-Room tea with that Cak-Rot cake!

Lanning said...

till you can make a cake with beets, I say pshaw to your distain for carrot cake.

Emily said...

Am I the only one who sees an obscure 'Men in Tights' reference in the title? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-c9mlOrDhc4

I hate that guy!

Anonymous said...

what? i've never met a person who didn't like carrots. they're sweet. they're crispy. even picky kids will much baby carrots happily.

there are vegetables in the world that taste "earthy": beets and beet greens, malabar spinach, some mushrooms, etc. but not carrots!

Online RSA said...

Yes! That is the best collection ever :)
I love carrot cake (first cake I ever made) but I think it all depends on the types of carrots you choose.

Carrie Miller said...

Uh, yeah. Do that with Lima beans or better yet okra. I DOUBLE DOG DARE you!!

Dolly Domestic said...

I haven't read the 151 comments, but I'm gonna throw in my 2 cents anyway. You must have had rotten carrots or only THOUGHT you were eating carrots when you were eating something like a RAW POTATO if you think they taste like dirt. Carrots are a SWEET vegetable (so much so that I have to limit them on my low carb diet).

[stepping down from my soapbox]

Anonymous said...

OH I hate carrots too! Finally someone who won't argue with me!

Anonymous said...

"If you put enough sugar in something, even the most revolting, repellent, repulsive, sickening, nauseating, stomach-churning, stomach-turning, off-putting, unpalatable, distasteful, foul, nasty, vomitous vegetable known to man can be super duper yummy."

Clearly you have not considered the vileness that is broccoli.

WV: cropo - A cropo broccoli is the stuff of nightmares.

BootsMcGraw said...

The folks who dislike carrots, broccoli, brussels sprouts (note the correct spelling), lima beans, okra, celery, parsnips, tomatoes, and peppers have obviously never had those vegetables prepared correctly.

The American way of boiling vegetables into mush should be outlawed. A light steaming or sauteeing is all most veggies need. Most of the above are also delicious served raw.

Amanda said...

"Ingrown hairs of the earth" - I can't stop laughing!!!

Admiral Snuggles said...

Man, those cakes are all wrecked and stuff.

anacsadder said...

Hm, as I read this and the rest of the comments, I am in fact eating lima beans, carrots, and peas.
I don't suppose I missed any expressions of distaste for corn and green beans too? Seeing as how that would cover everything in my frozen veggie mix.

I only like carrot cake if it doesn't have raisins in it. Nuts are fine, I suppose, but when I make it myself I prefer to leave both out.

Laurel said...

Me thinks Jen has carrots mixed up with PARSNIPS! Parsnips are TRULY evil! They taste like ICK and look like anemic carrots! Every time I think of them I think of being made to sit at the table until I finished them, which sometimes took HOURS! Every time I think of them I get ANGRY! I HATE PARSNIPS!

I love carrots. :o)

Diz said...

The second one is the first CANT cake I've ever seen. Perhaps a baby jockey or two would have cleared things up...

Laurel said...

OMG! The CANB cake really DOES look like the "C" word!

BTW, the more I read the comments, the more I realize that some of us have 'veggie issues'!

Kim said...

I've always wondered why they put carrots on carrot cake. Afterall, one doesn't draw chocolate on chocolate cake...or vanilla on vanilla cake.

I think vanilla is much cuter than carrots.

Anonymous said...

Call me crazy, but I'm getting the impression you don't like carrots.

Arlene said...

Normally I love carrot cake but these I think would make me reconsider. Especially the phony red velvet cakes lol. I love red velvet so I would cry if I bit into that and got carrot cake. Talk about a waste of money. Then there are the blue carrots..I don't even want to know what happened to make them blue.

Jennifer said...

Enough with knocking carrots! And lima beans don't deserve a beating either. Anti-veggists!

Jennifer said...

Brussels sprouts don't deserve the abuse either :)

Anonymous said...

Are you seriously worried about offending carrot cake lovers, but not carrot lovers? Umm, hello?? Just because YOU don't like carrots doesn't mean you have the right to insult it like that. Some people, like me, LOVE carrots! Why do you think stores sell them in the first place? Because some people actually LIKE them.

john (the hubby of Jen) said...

Anon @ 5:07,

I don't,
have the right,
to insult,
CARROTS,
on a free,
humor,
blog?

Um...

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that maybe it's past your bedtime. Or that you have an excessively and gloriously dry sense of humor.

Either way, sleep tight!

john

Rachel. said...

I love the muppet blue carrots!

But I'm stunned that so many commenters agree with you and declare that they dislike carrots too and find they taste like dirt!

Aren't carrots sweet in America? Is it perhaps a different variety? I've never met anyone (including people who are fairly veggie-unfriendly) who doesn't like carrots!

Jeff Hickmott said...

Carrots are awesome. I love carrots! They do not taste like dirt - what's WRONG with you? Carrot cake, however, is awesomer. Is that a word? Probably not. But it does rock.

shikishinobi said...

Carrot cake is nice, but "Cirreb' cake (as it looks to me) or cakes with phalic carrots imbedded on the icing is not how I want my cake presented to me. Perhaps the old saying "Less is more" is definately a good statement in this case.

strbuk said...

Oh come on, you're stretching it with this one. Carrots do NOT tastes like dirt, and I didn't laugh once. Standards cake wreckers, standards!

Kootiepatra said...

I quite enjoy carrots and have never noticed anything "dirt-like" in their flavor. I was surprised to see so much consensus on the matter.

I love me a good carrot cake. I kind of want some right now.

However, cooking carrots to mush in butter and sugar/honey is just wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrongity wrong. In fact, cooking carrots at all--unless in a cake--seems to destroy their properties of yum. But nothing reverses it to "yuck" for me like making them go gooshy with gag-inducing levels of sugar.

regina in oz said...

Stare at the blue carrots, then look at something white - you'll see bright orange carrots!

Amanda said...

I'm with the first anonymous poster.. Lima beans are truly the most disgusting vegetable! At least you can put carrots in a cake without ruining it, wouldn't you agree? Lima bean cake would taste like the apocalypse. (And I like carrots, especially with ranch dressing. My grandma grows them... pull 'em, rinse 'em, eat 'em! :D )

Marissa said...

Carrots are sweet and delicious. Maybe it's the type of carrots you buy. The massive thick ones that come in 3lb bags are no good. You need younger, fresher carrots. Not baby-cut carrots though! They are deceitful, they could be cut from any old wizened carrot!

Anonymous said...

"The most revolting, repellent, repulsive, sickening, nauseating, stomach-churning, stomach-turning, off-putting, unpalatable, distasteful, foul, nasty, vomitous vegetable known to man"

--I'd have to say rhubarb "beets" carrots. At least carrot leaves aren't toxic.

john said...

Everyone knows that the proper garnish for red velvet cake is a beet, not a carrot. Maybe a radish for a cupcake.

Anonymous said...

LOL! While we’re all hatin’ on veggies, nothing would taste more like dirt to me than the radish. Actually, I think dirt would taste better. I think they are the obnoxious uncle that keeps asking you to pull his finger (because if you did, that smell would taste like a radish *sorry for that*). My hubby plants radishes each year. I tried one - just to see if my taste buds changed – nope. Spit it right out. Vile bile. Blech. I agree that veggies taste best steamed or stir-fried, but I don’t think that would help the radish. Drowning them in salad dressing doesn’t help either.

From reading your blog daily, I think I understand what may have happened with the last cake. See, the bakery manager wrote CARROT on an order slip to let the decorator know what to write on the cakes (plural because there was more than one wreck there), but unfortunately, the pen ran out of ink on the first “R”, making it look like a “K”. Plus, there must have been enough of a gap between the 2 “R”s to have the wreckerator think that they were supposed to write CAK ROT.

wv: waylon (wai-lon). Why you walon carrots, John? Wha’d they ever do to you?

Kat said...

All right, enough with the vegetable insulting! Now go out and play Plants vs. Zombies and have a little more respect for vegetables!!! :P

lawnajo said...

I've wondered why bakers always pipe a carrot on carrot cakes. Thanks for enlightening me about the "law". ;-)
You've gotta love sugar and fat, it can even turn zucchini (which my grandma grows TONS of every year, even though noone in the family likes it) into edible zucchini bread.

Julie said...

So. Wow. You don't like carrots. Oh well, guess you can't be perfect in every way!

(ingrown hairs of the earth.. rofl!)

Anonymous said...

Farm carrots are wonderfully tasty, guess some city folk have no clue.

SilverXerk said...

www.babycarrots.com ! DO IT.

Amanda R. said...

Seeing this makes me even more glad that I'm allergic to carrots...

Missy said...

I'm so glad I wasn't the only person to read the "illegible" cake as NAUGHTY! Let's hear it for the gutter-minds!

evalyn said...

I didn't realize there were so many carrot-haters in the world. So probably no one wants my receipe for chocolate cake the involves . . . beets? Or applesauce cake the includes kidney beans?

little gator said...

I odn;t see anyone liking cauliflower.


i had ppl tell me i was foolish not to plant zucchini in my veggie garden cause they are so easy and you get a lot. Why would i want a lot of(or any) zuchini? It isn't even good baked into stuff.

Anonymous said...

I personally have no issues with carrots, but my friend hates them. in fact, she hates all vegetables but thats a whole different story. In science class once we had to eat the (I don't know, it wasn't my idea). I spent the entire class convincing her to take a bite off that carrot. When she did, she chewed for like 20 seconds before almost throwing up all over me and spitting the carrot pieces into a paper towel. Ahhh memories

Anonymous said...

Just a heads up they do actually have a species of BLUE carrot. They come in purple too.

Anonymous said...

WAIT!! Are you saying that you don't like carrots? Because I almost got that from the rant at the end, but I just want to be sure.... No carrots for you? So... if you every come to dinner at my house I should not serve you carrots? Just cake. Done.

Keith said...

The carrot-hate made a cute puppy somewhere sad. It's true.

Anonymous said...

Carrots at best taste like dirt? You've been eating the wrong carrots! Buy a bunch of organic, slender, crisp ones with the green tops (remove tops once at home). Taste the sweet fresh taste of a good carrot!

Koli said...

why such vicious hatred for carrot Jen?

Anonymous said...

Maybe the blue and green carrots
were for colour blind people???

Linda said...

I am so shocked that only 3 other people caught the Men in Tights reference! Does this mean I am getting old and out of tune? Decidedly un-orange huge kudos come your way, John, for producing a wonderful mish-mash of pop culture references and wit. And eat your carrots.

Hey Abb-bot!
I hate that guy.

Foxbridge Homeschool said...

OMG, I'm laughing so hard I think I'm going to pee my pants! As a fellow carrot hate, hate, hater, I too love carrot cake.

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