Thursday, July 1, 2010

Instant Pride

Thursday, July 1, 2010

[announcer voice] Uh-oh! Does this ever happen to you?

Significant other: "Honey, don't forget to grab the Independence Day cake for the party tonight!"

You: "Independy whatnow?"

Well, don't you worry. You'll never overlook another patriotic holiday again! Introducing a revolutionary new technology in dessert Americana:

Plastic Flag!™

Just throw Plastic Flag™ on any pre-existing cake for an instant patriotic upgrade!

Bachelor party tonight? Not anymore! Just look at the difference Plastic Flag™ makes:

Samuel Adams says, "Plastic Flag™ is always a good decision."


Or get your buns in gear by patrioticsizing that cheeseburger cake!

Well done!

Has your creativity gone fishin'? No problem!

Your guests will fall for Plastic Flag™ hook, line, and sinker.


Plus, order now and we'll throw in a free special gift sure to delight kids of all ages:

Patriotic Pecans™!

That's right: Order within the next ten minutes and you'll receive our patented Patriotic Pecans™ cake toppers, absolutely free! (Just pay our exorbitantly priced shipping and handling fees.)

Throw a few dozen Patriotic Pecans ™ to one side of Plastic Flag™ for a super-blast of extra pecan pride! Your guests will go nuts when they see the detail you've put into this delicious national treasure.

Order now!


Warning, April Z., Lisa P., Rose B., Jenn P., and Joan L.: Plastic Flag™ may be considered a choking hazard and should not be placed on food. Plastic Flag™ may contain traces of nuts, soy, or botulinal neurotoxins. "Patrioticsizing" is not a real word and should not be used as such. Plastic Flag™ hates puppies. Do not taunt Plastic Flag™.
Anonymous said...

Yay happy fun ball! I wish NBC would let sketches go onto youtube. No one should be deprived of happy fun ball.

Sarah said...

Patrioticsizing, love it!

Fluffy Cow said...

You know, those pecans were applied by someone from the right...

*Off to order my Plastic Flag*

Jenn said...

YES! Do not taunt plastic flag (tm)!

Yayayayayay!

Anonymous said...

This was laugh out loud comedy. Oh yeah!

-AJ

Tricia L said...

Plastic flotsum strikes again. My question is about the pecans.

Is this like a pizza -- half the cake has pecans and half doesn't? "I'll take a piece without pecans because I'm allergic to tree nuts."

Were they making pecan pies in front of a large fan and they blew onto the cake?

Is this a representation of the wind blowing the flag AND the nuts?

Did they run out of red, white and blue sprinkles?

Did a bag of pecans on the shelf above the cake fall over?

Please, someone, tell me.

Tigerwolf said...

Picture #4: The flag flying over Ft. McHenry survived the rockets’ red glare and the bombs bursting in air, but when the lobsterbacks threw an entire shipload of pecans at the star-spangled banner, it was all over.

^..^

Jenniffer said...

OMG! Too funny! I FLOVE the small print at the end! AWESOME!

Rose B. said...

Wooohooo! My first posted CakeWreck! I can now proudly bear the title of Wreckporter. Hmmm... where to put that on my CV.

Anonymous said...

I think that pecan cake is really a BP oil spill cake turned on it's side. After all, what says America better than a good ole fashioned oil spill this 4th of July.

Anonymous said...

LOL...great post! Happy 4th!

Newb said...

Good grief Jen, how do you manage to be so dang funny so early in the morning? A little "treat" in your morning coffee?

Bearess said...

Awesome! A tribute to Happy Fun Ball!! You made my morning!

Anonymous said...

Love the disclaimers! Absolutely hysterical post this morning. Thanks for the laugh!

Costumeholic said...

Aren't you a bit early for Independance Day? I mean, today is CANADA DAY; aren't there any red and white maple leafed wrecks out there?

But yes, what would bakers do with their leftover cheeseburger cakes without plastic floatsam to transform them!

Suzanne said...

Pecans only on one side of the cake? These people are so indecisive!

WV: unaddiet. No pecans for me, I'm unaddiet.

Heather said...

Until I read that they were pecans, I thought that they were coffee beans. It was a very confusing five seconds, let me tell ya.

Anonymous said...

"Throw a few dozen Patriotic Pecans ™ to one side of Plastic Flag™ for a super-blast of extra pecan pride! Your guests will go nuts when they see the detail you've put into this delicious national treasure."
Your commentary is hysterical! Thanks for the laughs! cc

Anonymous said...

Oh my! This was my favorite post in a while. So many good lines. Hilarious.

Patriotic Pecans. Bwah haha!

And gotta love any reference to Happy Fun Ball.

Thank you - I needed a good laugh today.

AmyRaz

Flartus said...

Awww, I was gonna compliment you on your use of "patriocizing," but now I see it's not a real word. Too bad, I'd love to see it used in the news to describe political gambits! "The candidate won the debate hands-down by patriocizing every issue."

salamanda76 said...

I love your geek references, but I'm uber excited by the Happy Fun Ball reference!!

Jenni @ Project Cookie 365 said...

Hey! It's Canada Day... no Canadian wrecks? That leaf on our flag really seems to throw wreckerators for a loop.
:)
Ah well... I can always cross my fingers for next year ;)

Love the announcer vibe - you always write the funniest posts! Love it!

carmiehead said...

@Anonymous - lookee lookee! http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/schillervision-hidden-camera/2656/
Yay, Happy Fun Ball!!

Carmiehead

PS "IndependyWhatnow?" almost made me choke on my drink. XD

mommytotwoE's said...

Hmmmm, wish there were some Canadian wrecks for Canada Day today. But we always enjoy a good US wreck too:)

Meg said...

Ok, the patriotic pecans look like cockroaches crawling on the cake. Great for the diet, bad for the appetite.

Kimberly Chapman said...

1) Happy Canada Day and it's all the better for seeing US flag silliness.

2) I just saw this and thought of you:

http://www.instructables.com/id/Steampunk-USB-Flash-Drive/

3) I heart you for the Happy Fun Ball joke. (PS I almost said Happy Fun Ball gag and then realized that that would be very, very, very different.) I bet you'd like one of the LJ icons I made ages ago: http://l-userpic.livejournal.com/33975999/4794476

Emma and Sean said...

you know, aside from the pecan disaster, i can see what decorators were thinking making those cakes... they're all american pastimes! drinking beer, fishing, eating a hamburger - all reasonable 4th of july activities. doesn't excuse the plastic flag though :P

Casey said...

Your blog is absolutely hilarious!!!! You make the greatest stories to go with these cakes!!! LOVE EM!

Anonymous said...

Knew there was a reason I came back again to make sure that I was just up too early to see today's post.

Now there are tears ... oh, the pecans and plastic flag of it all! Darn you, patrioticsizing Jen.

I'm going to include Cakewrecks on my 'what am I thankful for' during joys and concerns on Sunday morning. Can't help it -- it's so good for my soul to laugh so hard.

~~Di

The Dream Police Person said...

Oh Canada, our home and native land...
Do not taunt the plastic flag (tm) doing so could result in explosion or jail time...
Funny as always, happy Independence Day!

Andy said...

As an English scholar for the last 7+ years, working toward a terminal degree ('cause only one of us is getting out alive), I have to say the following:

A-hem.

After careful consideration (over the last few seconds) I believe it is safe to say that cakewrecks has met all the criterion for new word creation and I thereby propose that we grant real-word status to the term patrioticizing.

That is all.

mimi said...

Those pecans look like they're swarming the flag.

Lauren Borquez said...

Ummm yea...this is pitiful lol

Anonymous said...

ahhhaaaahaaaahaaaaa!!!!

Holly @ Domestic Dork said...

Aww...bummer. I was hoping to see some Canadian wrecks for Canada Day and it's all USA wrecks. :(

Anonymous said...

Good god, major lol's ahead. Although, considering that Samuel Adam was a brewer, on the beer cake it's okay

Lori W. said...

Maybe the flag on the burger cake was to help you identify it as a burger. I mean, many places do call it the "all american" hamburger, right? Only thing I could come up with.

LaurenH said...

wrecky or not (wait, I say that like I'm not sure....it is :)) if I saw that first one I would buy it and it would make me giggle to no end

Ali said...

Seriously love the SNL reference. So much so that I googled the skit, found it on the NBC website, and had to watch it immediately.

Plush said...

you couldn't have found any Canada Day cakes for July 1st. sigh

Anonymous said...

That was hilarious!

Anonymous said...

American flags on Canada day? aw...

thesacredandtheprofane said...

ZOMG! Epic entry! That was awesome.

WV: muncepl- You should recognize muncepl workers with a Platic Flag(tm) cake!

Anonymous said...

Shame on you Jen for not knowing today was Canada day! Why don't you have every single holiday in every single country memorized so you can choreograph your blog more appropriately?
Shame, shame, shame!

Epcot!

ladyrazorsharp said...

And I'm proud to be an American
For at least I know I'm free
Free to patriotcize my cake
With pecans from a tree
And I proudly stand up
Next to you and defend that plastic flag today
Cause there ain't no doubt I love this land
Cake Wrecks, USA!

=3

Bryna said...

I can't stop reading this as the SNL Skit with Alec Baldwin "Put your family pictcha in a brandy snifta"

Make ya cake patriotic with a Plastic Flag{tm}

Cutelilsnot said...

Wow - I just wet my Patriotic Pants™.

Stephanie said...

Number1, Jen has taught you well. That had me in stitches. :D

Tiffany said...

That was Totally SWEET!!! Well done Jen!! I totally heard the announcer voice the entire way through.... and now it's stuck in my head. Especially the supper-fast disclaimer at the end.

Tiffany said...

Whoa! I totally gave kudos to Jen for that post and then I realized it was Number 1.

SO sorry, Number 1. I am not worthy to be in the presence of your blog-writing glory! Well done, indeed!

Brooke said...

I was reading, I was hoping you were going to, and you did. Do not taunt Plastic Flag. You rock! Thank you. And thank the dear, sweet, Lord that they are not selling the pecan cake at my grocery store or I would have to buy one and keep it forever on a shelf in my basement because that is just too funny!

Tracy said...

This was one of your best updates! I loved the infomercial theme and the Happy Fun Ball reference.

Also, Plastic Flag on ANYTHING.

-Tracy S

kjl said...

Seriously, this post needs to go into the classics archive immediately. Good stuff, Jen. Absolutely hysterical!

kjl said...

I totally did the same thing as Tiffany--kudos to the wrong person! Nice job, Number 1!!!

msyendor said...

"Patrioticize" it totally legit IMHO

Plasticizing a cake, however, should be outlawed.

@ladyrazorsharp

Love that tune so much better than the barroom anthem we've got now.

See. "Anacreon in Heaven" that's the original song the tune was swiped from. But then, you're either a trained singer or totally bombed to be able to sing the full range.

KimHasCancer said...

Plastic Flag could have repaired the purse Dad cake! Does it come with an anti-cupcake cake (ptui!) cloaking shield?

Anonymous said...

I stared at the pecans for a long time. What on earth...?

togetherforgood said...

This makes me so happy.

CookieMonster said...

You have me laughing out loud - again!

Stephanie said...

Yay, Happy Fun Ball with its molten core! One of my all-time favorites. ;)

Lesley said...

Love the "Happy Fun Ball" reference. This is one of the best of your blogs, and that's saying a lot!

Jennifer said...

I started laughing out loud when I started reading about Patriotic Pecans(tm). My fiance gave me a funny look, but all I had to do was say "Cake Wrecks" and he understood. Thanks for the giggle!

Karen said...

ugh. brings back horrid memories of all of my birthdays as a kid. Kind of sucks being born on the 4th of July. Everyone wants to get you a "flag cake" because "OMG SHE'LL LOVE IT!" thinking no one in your entire 47 years would have thought of that before.

lol sorry. I don't hate my birthday because I'm getting older, it just isn't fun being born on a national holiday. (except for the day off from work that is!)

Karen

Green said...

fine print said really quickly:

Plastic Flag(tm) is only orderable in Canadian provinces and some cities in California. Plastic Flag(tm) is not to be held responsible for damage caused to the cake maker or cake eater by either Plastic Flag(tm) product or reaction of guests from usage of Plastic Flag(tm) product. No CODs. No LOLs. No WTFs. ...okay, a few of the latter. Plastic Flag (tm) should be used with care when making a CCC.

Patriotic Pecans(tm) is a trademark of the same makers of Plastic Flag(tm) and is exclusive to the usage of Plastic Flag(tm) products and are not always edible. Patriotic Pecans(tm) are not to be used with any other confection other than Plastic Flag(tm) pastries. These restrictions include but are not limited to pecan bread, pecan muffins, trek mix, pecan pralines, or pecan beer.

Please do not consume Plastic Flag(tm). No refund without a receipt. No proof of sale nor receipt given on date of sale. May Blog have mercy on your soul amen.

Carolyn G said...

BWAHAHAHA! PlacticFlag hates Puppies! Now that is just mean!

Arlene said...

Wow I want some patriotic pecans. Maybe I could light those instead of fireworks since they are illegal where I am lol. Oh never ever taunt the plastic flag it has ways of showing up in unexpected places and I am sure one can be found on a baby shower cake somewhere..

Suzi said...

Okay, I don't know if I have EVER laughed this hard at any entry on this site as I have this particular one. I am not only reminded of the "Happy Fun Ball" commercial on SNL but somehow also the "Ren and Stimpy" LOG! commercial LOL

I am with Tricia L up there and all of the pecans. In my best Jerry Seinfeld voice, I say, "What is the deal with all of the pecans? Did a giant squirrel sneeze them all on to the cake but just to the right and not the left? Is the cake trying to be part divinity?" Ha ha...I slay me.

Anonymous said...

This might be one of the funniest posts (commentary-wise) that I've ever read on this site. I want to order my PLASTIC FLAG right now!

Liz said...

Just for a second, I thought maybe the pecans were a metaphor for anti-american sentiment, ravenously encroaching upon our national symbol like so many hungry cockroaches.

Perhaps a little too esoteric for a Wreckerator...

;-P
Liz

Robin said...

SO freakin' funny!!!

Anonymous said...

Hmm, patriotic cheeseburger cake.... Does it come w/ freedom fries?

Kimberly said...

I love the shell border around the beer mug. It just adds that fancy touch, don't you think? ;)

Thank you for the alert that pecans are the new sprinkles. From now on I'm going to throw (and I do mean THROW) pecans on all my baked goods, just for good measure. Who needs sprinkles anyways?? They're SO out of fashion! lol ;)

Jen said...

best. post. ever.

kthxbai!

Anonymous said...

I WANT TO ORDER A PLASTIC FLAG! Do you have any for other countries, say, Philippines? Anyway, that last cake would've looked great if it weren't for the Patriotic Pecans™. But it looks so AWESOME now~

Mom O' Nine said...

I made a flag cake from an idea from Betty Crocker. The cake looked really great until I frosted it, now, it belongs on yoru site. I made a status about it on FB and my friend mentioned your site. Yep, it truly belongs here, but we'll just leave it in the refrigerator and try to forget about it. Note to self: I truly do not have cake decorating skills. Next year, I will try a plastic flag!

Nectarine said...

I was expecting something totally different when I saw this post title, since it's Gay Pride week where I live!

Also, I'm Canadian so the whole "Independance Day" thing didn't come to mind since July 1 is Canada Day!

Anonymous said...

Plastic flag ate my puppy.

Anonymous said...

Did anyone else hear Billy Mays in their heads while reading?

Haiku Joy said...

PlasticFlag wanders
from cake to cake to cake
searching for true love.