Monday, May 31, 2010

The Bakings of a Memorable Memorial Day

Monday, May 31, 2010

Today we honor the memory of our nation's heroes.

It's a day of gratitude.

Of dignity.

And, you know, stuff like this:

"Hon hon hon! I em zee embodiment of 'deegnitee!' Wee wee!"*

And speaking of wee wee...

I'm not really sure what this is, but the shape kind of rings a bell.
(I'm thinking...Arby's?)



And speaking of belles, the bodice on this dress could really use some work:

It's LIFT and separate, girls. No Yankee doodle dandy wants saggy clappers, if yaknowwuddamean.


Remember: patriotism is a family affair:

If not necessarily "family friendly."


And for a little "variety," there's always the WTF CCC:

That's "Way To Flotsamize," by the way.


Since today is about our military, though, try to keep the focus on those great men and women who have served in our armed forces.

See how the focal point here is the cookie soldier being run down and fired on by the chocolate tank?

That's NOT what I had in mind.


And finally, you know that feeling of satisfaction you get when a hoity-toity grammar snob corrects your grammar, but s/he's WRONG?

This feels kind of like that.

Quick grammar tip: if you can substitute the word "him," use "whom." But if "he" works, use "who." Ergo, "HE paid," not "HIM paid."

Thanks to Margaret D., Amy W., Andrea P., Holly Anne, Andrea P., Lyndi R., & Becky D., for whom [eyebrow waggle] I will be forever grateful. Or at least until tomorrow.


*John's Disclaimer: This was Jen's attempt at a French accent. See, 'cause the dog is a poodle, and poodles speak French. Although he also looks a bit English with the mustache and goatee. Or maybe a bit like Colonel Sanders. Oh! Who was a Colonel!** In the military!

So, in conclusion, eating KFC today is patriotic, and all poodles speak French. Thank you. That is all.


** John's Disclaimer to the Disclaimer: Actually, he was only a private but was given the honorary title of Kentucky Colonel later in life. Man! You guys*** are picky!

*** John's Disclaimer to the Disclaimer to the Disclaimer: By "guys" I mean people, and not necessarily one gender over another. I could have just as easily used "folks." though that would imply that you live in the country. Which you may not. Okay, I'm done.
Donna M. said...

The first one's a poodle? I thought it was the clown from "IT" and wondered what clowns had to do with Memorial Day (except the bad red/white/blue makeup).

Margaret said...

Thanks for the disclaimer, because otherwise I wouldn't have known the first one was a poodle. I thought it was a reference to some bizarre military clown.

Jennifer said...

As wonderful as Jen's selections were today (I'll be seeing the clown poodle in my dreams for weeks), John's disclaimers made my day. You're both made of a special brand of awesomeness.

ana lisette said...

There's something unsettling about those gingerbread soldiers...I can just picture some unpatriotic mean soirited jerks buying that cake just to go "Support the troops? Oh I will! In my BELLY!! nom nom nom nom nom nom nom"

...or maybe that's just me. :D anyway, Happy Memorial Day!

Amy said...

Actually, Colonel Sander's title had nothing to do with the military. We Kentuckians have a club that gives people title "Kentucky Colonel". My mom was nominated for the title and got her Kentucky Colonel commission.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Colonel_Sanders
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kentucky_Colonel

Toska said...

Um, actually Colonel Sanders was just a Kentucky Colonel, an honorary title easily enough obtained if you or somebody you know knows somebody in the state government. He was a bit of a self important gent who liked the sound of the title. To my knowledge he didn't exactly set the record straight if the honorifics were confused.

Breanna F said...

The 'dress' one is supposed to be the Liberty Bell I think lol

Ceci said...

That's a poodle? Really? I read John's comments and thought, "Oh, that's what that is, I should go back and look so I can see it." But alas, I arrived back and the picture and could only wonder how it was a poodle (do poodles routinely look like clowns with exploded cigars?). *sigh*

Miho said...

Dudes I'm french and had no idea poodles spoke french ;)
The attempt was quite good by the way :D I could totally recognize our "nice" accent!

And I agree with Donna M. I tots thought it was a clown :D

Rebekah said...

Okay, so the post itself was funny but then as a bonus we got John's disclaimers and that made it even better!

*braying like a donkey* *wink wink!*

I'm in awe of you both.

Diana said...

After much debate and internet searching...we suggest that entry no. 1 is Uncle Sam...or a pomeranian.

Tricia L said...

The "poodle" is actually Uncle Sam. Not saying it is a good Uncle Sam. Not even saying it is Uncle Sam dressed up to look like Bozo the Clown. But if you close one eye, and squint with the other, after drinking several adult beverages, yeah, it's definitely Uncle Sam.

Fignie said...

Oohhh this is funny!!!! I'm really really wondering what you put in your morning coffee, cause I'll surely take some :)
LOVE the "tribute" today :)

Julia said...

How is that Uncle Sam??? It has four legs! And a weird red windmill mustache thing.

Dorci said...

To me that third one looks like a depiction of the female reproduction system with a skirt hanging off of it. Talk about x-ray vision.

Lynn said...

OMG! You just explained the difference between who and whom in one sentence. WHY couldn't the teachers do the same thing????

Who (NOT whom) knew I could learn proper grammar on a foodie blog!

Melinda said...

I still think that first one looks more like a weird clown than a dog.

Anonymous said...

...my brain hurts trying to make any sense at all of these, especially figuring out what fallopian tubes have to do with Memorial day (& that first cake really is the stuff of nightmares)...

Hope said...

Thanks so much for the grammar tip! I have always struggled with the whole whom and who thing!

Sami said...

You would not believe how long I stared at that Liberty Bell cake before realizing it was not actually a shirt and really bad pants.
Also, thanks for that grammar tip. I'm a total grammar Nazi but who and whom was the one thing I could never grasp.

myimaginaryblog said...

That is one fine fake French accent.

Gary said...

That "Arby's" CCC looks more like Spaceship Earth, and the "Dress" looks like Epcot.

The Boob Nazi said...

I've stared at a couple of these and still don't know what they are... I thought the first was supposed to be Uncle Sam.

isabel said...

that top one reminds me of Merlon from Super Paper Mario:

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_r9ZSkSPGGqs/SUadz8anUlI/AAAAAAAAAFw/rJd3COGMOwA/s320/Merlon.jpg

Anonymous said...

As a former English teacher, believe me, we DID say it that way. But you all were probably too busy writing notes to each other (or texting under the desk, depending on your generation) to listen.

ML said...

. . .ergo . . .hehehhehehhhee!

wv: imesses - unintentional utter destruction. Used in a sentence by one of the wreckerators responsible for a 'cake' above, "imesses up hims cake!"

Corri Anne said...

Am I the only one seeing a uterus wearing bellbottoms in #3? Very creepy...

mimi said...

No way that first thing is a poodle. Nope. I'm going with the bizarre military clown theory.

NYCGirl said...

If I look really hard, I guess I can see the first one as a poodle. In clown makeup.

A Girl In Her Kitchen said...

The other night I had a dream that we adopted a dog with a little mustache. He was obviously French, (any dog with a mustache must be French), so we named him Pierre. Can we name that cake Pierre too?

http://agirlinherkitchen.blogspot.com

john (the hubby of Jen) said...

A Girl In Her Kitchen,

The first cake shall henceforth be known as Pierre, the French clown poodle dog thingamajig.

Kinda like the Star Registry. Name your own cake.

*clearing throat*

That'll be $49.95.

john

Jenni @ Project Cookie 365 said...

HAH. The very best part is the multiple disclaimers!

That, and the cookie man being run down. So patriotic.

Brilliant post!

Stella said...

...the saggy clappers comment got me. Thanks for my Monday morning laugh. And have a fab holiday today!

Hanging by My Fingernails said...

Well, speaking as one whom loves frosting more than the cake, I could happily down that first poodle/Sam (with my eyes closed, of course).

As for the broad assignation of ignorant-by-choice by Anonymous-teacher-person, I was a journalism major before texting days yet I never heard that who/whom "tip" until today.

Thanks, Jen & John for filling the gap in my education while entertaining and enriching my spirit.

Jennifer said...

A poodle? Really?!? I thought it was Bozo the Clown sportin' a goatee and handlebar moustaches. I can see the Colonel easier than a poodle. In any case, these are all very fitting and, ahem, respectful (boy, that was hard to say with a straight face) tributes to those who--I mean WHOM--serve(d) our country.

drgns4vr said...

I love the educational aspects of this website. Grammar AND foreign languages for the price of one.
And you may have solved my problem with my neighbor's barking dogs. After 3 hours of solid yapping, I should yell at them in French. Too bad my French class was 50 years ago and the teacher told me I spoke French like a German.

WV jauncer, which is probably French for something I'd prefer the next door poodles not to do.
"Otto, Sidney (no wonder the dogs bark with names like that) je ne se pas le zohn-say."

Moggypie said...

These were...mesmerizing.
wow. I almost snapped a picture of a cake in the store yesterday that depicted an American flag but looked more like bacon strips galore, but it was a work of the highest artistry compared to the, erm, "Liberty Belle" cake and Uncle Sam le Poodle.

(John, don't you mean "Whom was a colonel"? ;-)

Larissa said...

That was a poodle?! WTF? Do people actually PURCHASE these things?

A Paperback Writer said...

Is that blue thing fireworks or an octopus holding tinsel?

Etiquette Bitch said...

today's wrecks are full of WTF-ness. My first thought on CW2 was, "patriotic P***is." Yow.

originalrager said...

I'm with Donna M. I wouldn't have guessed that for a poodle in a million years...and I'm glad you tagged the tank, cuz again, woudn't have guessed that one either!

Anonymous said...

I don't live in the country (now) but still say "folks". And I said guys as a non gender specific and convenient noun.
But I'm weird. I said "soda" for those fizzy drinks in cans. I don't know about FL, but around these parts, those thangs are call't "Cokes". As in "I will have a coke." - "What kind? Coke, Pepsi, Dr. Pepper, Sprite or rootbeer?"

LMAO at this post, in public.

Alex

Anonymous said...

Amazing-even on a somber day like today, there are always wrecks to find-these were great

E.M. Green said...

RE to john's disclaimer to disclaimer to disclaimer to disclaimer:

Are you presuming that us "folks" who live in the "country" use "folks" to describe a collection of people other than ourselves, exclusively? And that people who live elsewhere never use "folks?" Loony Tunes disagrees with you, unless Porky Pig was exclusively from the "country," which I sincerely doubt considering the number of cartoons I've seen.

In fact, Porky Pig was a known adventurer! He's traveled to several places in this great world of ours.

But I digress. Certainly you could have used "people" instead of "folks." Or perhaps you could have said "folks, though that would imply you were a fan of early morning cartoons."

Though perhaps that would have offended cartoons. People are so sensitive these days.

;)

Hanna said...

entertaining AND informative!

Nathan said...

Thanks for the disclaimer about the use of "guys" as a generalizing term! Very much appreciated. Rock on. =)

Nate

Victoria said...

The first one kind of reminds me of Luigi (from Cars: http://bit.ly/aSIi5J) in clown make-up. Maybe it's his French cousin the star of Cirque du Soleil?

Anonymous said...

I definitely saw that first one as a scary-@ss clown, and I totally thought that "wee wee" referred to the thing under its nose. Apparently my brain is less family-friendly than everyone else's. Wow.

Molly said...

These are great. Posting some serious and beautiful memorial cakes next Sunday would be awesome too. Would love to see those.

Laurie said...

Cake number three looks like a uterus and fallopian tubes wearing pants. I didn't know they were supposed to be dressed.

Bree said...

My local Mars had a patriotic poodle cake too, with red and blue whiskers. It didn't look as scary as this one though. The other Memorial Day goodies were the standard cupcakes (no CCC's) and little white frosted sheet cakes with red and blue sprinkles...nothing that would make you want to rip out your hair.

bookiewookie said...

Per the 'guys' / 'folks' decision, just use the current 'dudes' and that should cover everyone, per my teenage sons. They don't discriminate and use it for both sexes.

ComfyDenim said...

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I had as much fun reading the disclaimers as I did reading the post. :-D

Anne said...

I really thought it was a crazed clown with patriotic makeup. How did you even know it was a poodle!

Aileen Buchman-Combes said...

I think my favorite has to be the gingerbread men lifting the chocolate tank off their fallen comrade. They all look so cheerful supporting the troops. ^_^

*K* said...

Because I'm a geek...

3 a : man, fellow b : person —used in plural to refer to the members of a group regardless of sex

Guys totally works.

Laury said...

When I heard the french accent I immediately thought of the French soldiers in Monty Phython's Quest for the Holy Grail. It fit much better than an Americanized poodle - but then again, I'm Canadian :)

Stephanie said...

My American side is snickering at the horrendous fake French accent you gave the doggie wreck. My French side is snickering even harder. :P

Emily said...

pretty sure the 'dress' is actually meant to be the liberty bell

Aliza said...

Loved the humour of the post... and the disclaimer was almost as funny! And thanks for the great grammar lesson.

STILL do not see "poodle" in the clown. Maybe this was one of those highly clipped poodles, so looks as silly as a clown?

(And this is aside from the obvious question of what does a poodle have to do with Memorial Day? A double-wreck?).

Wow, my mind must've really been in the gutter: I saw a male 'apparatus' for the bell/Uncle Sam hat (cake #2), a saggy topless woman with amputated arms for #3, an excited version of #2 for cake #4... and then they saw fireworks (#5). Just what was in my coffee today?!?!?!

Learning that #6 featured a tank, the lounging gingerbread soldiers NOT supporting that poor victim is rather disturbing... and definitely sends the wrong message.

At least the last cake had dignity, if not spelling. Which made it only a semi-wreck IMHO.

kelysian said...

I KNEW I liked your site for a reason! I've used that "he/who" "him/whom" grammar trick all my life and taught it to hundreds of other people ... you could almost SEE the lightbulbs blinking on above their heads!

Thank you for continuing to share the grammar love!

Karyn said...

I thought it had the French accent because it looked like the French guys in Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

Kat said...

The LIBERTY Bell??
I thought it was suppsoed to be an outfit consisting of an ugly shirt and bell-bottom jeans! Though I was wondering how that would connect to Memorial Day...
It really helps to read the comments!

Ash said...

ok. i didn't realise it was a poodle, and i'll be honest with you now, i'm still not seeing poodle. i don't know what i AM seeing, but it's not a poodle.

what's got me really confused is, WHY is it a poodle? is this an american thing? like an incredibly patriotic in joke we don't get across the pond?

The Dream Police Person said...

Oui, oui indeed! That cake-ish clown french/american poodle sure is sweet with all that frosting! :D

Craig said...

A poodle with a blue hat, orange ears and red whiskers? Sure it is. No, really. I can see it, too. (He said in a calm, reassuring voice.)

As for an image that evokes the gratitude Americans feel for those who served... "Let's see: French poodle, clown. They both make so much sense. I can't decide, so I'll make a hybrid!"

Gotta give the wreckerator some credit, though, for trying to disguise the cupcakes (patooey!) through the clever use of the vertical format.

Bree said her local Mars has similar cakes. That (the planet, not the store) would be my vote for the point of origin in this case.

wv: derhinh. These cakes make me say,'derhinh?'

Anonymous said...

You know, that poodles reminds me of the Fisher Price phone I had as a kid. Same shape, same colour, same eyes...

Shayna said...

Good thing you told me the first one was a poodle. I thought it just looked like a terrifying clown. I guess the French stuff was just you guys... clowning around!

DJWildBill said...

Although on first glance some might mistake it for a Liberty Bell wannabe cake, I just love the headless, topless girl with the handless Popeye arms and the sagging (albeit somewhat undersized) breasts, who(m) is wearing the bell bottom pants!

Anonymous said...

Actually, as a proud parent of a Standard Poodle, I can tell you that Poodles are actually of German origin. The French just love them a lot (as so do Americans!)

darlingbeatrice said...

WTF CCC looks like The Funk from the Mighty Boosh!
http://henpantha.files.wordpress.com/2009/10/0-the-mighty-boosh-s02e05-thefunk.jpg
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_one-off_characters_from_The_Mighty_Boosh#The_Funk

Keeley said...

It's late, I spent all dang day buying a new car I had no intention of purchasing today, and the neurotic dachshund we've been babysitting for 12 days finally went home about half an hour ago. But since my WV is ricap (to ricap, it's been a very long and exhausting day), I'll sum up: Thanks for Cake Wrecks, even late at night. maybe especially late at night--that Liberty Belle was one scary sight. My husband and I agree, it's a half-nekkid woman with saggy boobs and a tear in her skirt. Wow!

And if you look closely at the tank cake, you'll see the "soldier" it's mowing down has an orange sailor's hat on. Maybe that's why he didn't know to get out of the way?

Jen & John, are you dudes aware of the book "The Deluxe Transitive Vampire"? It's a great reference for all things grammatical. And funny too. BTW, my goddaughter uses dude not only in a non-gender-specific way, but as both plural and singular. AARRGG!

RAM said...

I thought for sure when I saw the first picture it had something to do with the new Toy Story... it looked just like the old happy, giggling pull phones.

Arlene said...

Ohhh where do I begin?? The saggy boob cake.. the evil cookie cake that is either a firework gone anatomically wrong.. or a perverted mind lol. Now that poop tank running over the gingerbread man is just disturbing but it took my mind off the boob cake for a second anyways lol.

Valerie said...

I'm dumbfounded even more... PAID the ultimate sacrifice, nope... the phrase is MADE the ultimate sacrifice, you don't pay it, you make it.

Thanks for the grammar tip, I never knew the correct usage of who and whom. Won't remember, but WTF, I've made it to my late 40s thus far without knowing. But at least I'll know I knew at one point.

janet2buns said...

Why is the palm tree in the fifth picture blue?

Anonymous said...

"Saggy clappers" made me spit my soda on my screen. Thanks SO much for that! ;)

Gary said...

Valerie, I noticed that, too. Someone has his/her cliches mixed up. You pay a price, but you make a sacrifice. Hmm, can you make the ultimate sacrifice and pay the ultimate price at the same time?

I think what we have here is a very patriotic, yet aphasic, cake writer.

craftinqueen75 said...

John,

Have you recently been kidnapped by "40 specially trained Ecuadoran Mountain Llamas 26 Red Llama, and 142 Whooping Mexican Llamas?" I'm just waiting for the mariachi music and the flashing neon yellow background...

All we need are the Insult Yelling "French" soilders to go with that "French" poodle. Run away!

Andrea in St. Louis

Nancy said...

The Liberty "Belle" comments had me guffawing for 5 minutes! Too Punny!

Purple Purl Girl said...

So the blue thing is either a palm tree with a bow? Or is it an octopus with one tentacle much longer than the others wearing a bow? And this honors the U.S.'s fallen soldiers because military personnel really dig octopus or perhaps palm fruits various and sundry? I REALLY need a drink now.

Lhydium said...

Quick grammar tip #2: If you DON'T know quick grammar tip #1 (i.e., "he/who, him/whom"), take the word "whom" out of your vocabulary!

Using "who" when "whom" is correct is tolerable, but the incorrect use of "whom" in place of "who" makes you look like a buffoon.

Serena L. said...

I didn't read all the comments, so I may not be the first to point this out, but you don't PAY a sacrifice, you MAKE a sacrifice, or pay PRICE.

Mollsmithie Smith said...

After I did the squinting thing and closing one eye I saw the poodle. Not Uncle Sam haha. What a great post! And I was laughing out loud at John's disclaimers. Priceless!

J. P. said...

that "support the troops" cake reminds me of my discomfort with tank shaped pinatas. I mean, nothing screams patriotism like handing 12 7 year old boys a baseball bat and letting them go ape on a US Army tank, right? (I also feel the same discomfort at pinatas in the form of people...something just isn't right about that.)

jo said...

what an angry exploding blue octopus.

Fluzz said...

The "saggy clappers" are escaping! Look at the right "leg", there's some seriously saggy "clapper" coming out of that leg.

I love this blog, so many dirty minds!

Nay said...

Aside from the misuse of 'whom', there's another problem with that cake.

One does not PAY a sacrifice, one MAKES a sacrifice. (One can pay a price, of course, perhaps that's where they got confused?)

Mel said...

I am so absolutely in love with your blog. This always gives me a cleansing laugh and I will continue to highly recommend it to my friends. Love the disclaimers. They were as funny as the cakes!

Jay said...

The Liberty Bell? I would never have gotten that. Does anyone else see a uterus and ovaries?

Breanne said...

OMG! Thank you for the great who/whom tip! I was just thinking yesterday that I really needed a good tip for that one. I think I've got its and it's down... it's hard sometimes to be sure of your grammar when its basic tenets are ignored so widely!

Jenny Reiswig said...

No, sorry, it should be Remember THEMS whom paid the ultimate sacrifice. If it's whom, then it's thems. Simple.

Mikewind Dale said...

Quote: Quick grammar tip: if you can substitute the word "him," use "whom." But if "he" works, use "who." Ergo, "HE paid," not "HIM paid."

But ergo means "therefore". I think you meant, "Eg.". So you should have said something like the following:

... Eg., "HE paid," not "HIM paid." Ergo, "WHO paid" not "WHOM paid". And eg., "I paid HIM," not "I paid HE." Ergo, "WHOM did I pay?" not "WHO did I pay?"

My rule of thumb is that you should use "whom" whenever the word "to" could be added to the sentence. For example, you could say, "Whom did I pay the money TO?" You use "whom" when something is done TO someone, whereas you use "who" when you're discussing who actually did the thing being done. I.e., it's a question of subject versus object.

Anyway, thanks to the 1990s Iron Man cartoon, all children should already know this. See the episode "Enemy Within, Enemy Without." While learning the origin of MODOK, we also receive a grammar lesson. But I won't tell you where in the episode, because then you won't watch the whole thing. ;)
Part 1: here
Part 2: here
Part 2:

Jen said...

I have a BA in English and that is the BEST explaination for Who and Whom. Leave it to Cake Wrecks to make me giggle and learn something at the same time.

Anonymous said...

along wit thw saggy bodice...it looks like it has popeye arms.

Fitness Models said...

The droopy bodice on the dress kills me. Seriously, was that one going to a granny or what?

Anonymous said...

Wreck #1 -- Who ever heard of a red, white and blue poodle? Only if some freak PAINTED his dog!

Wreck #2 -- a hard "salute" to the USA? All American phallus?

Regarding the Liberty Bell cake: why is it wearing a skirt?

The not family friendly cake: some say they do see -- or feel -- "fireworks" during intimate moments.

Cupcakes Lady said...

That was a poodle?! WTF? Do people actually PURCHASE these things? - Answer...yes ..yes they do. lol xx