Wednesday, April 7, 2010

This Just In

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

While I agree that cake makes even bad news at least a little sweeter, there's still a right and a wrong way to break some news.

This is why fortune tellers should never become bakers.




[on the phone] "No, of course we're not celebrating that you didn't get parole, Trish; there's a frowny face on your cake and everything!"


Why, yes, that IS a used pregnancy test on the cake.
(And you thought I'd never post it!)

"People, I have some good news, and I have some bad news. The good news: This is our last all-day staff meeting! Yeah!

"The bad news: We're going out of business because we can't afford the mortgage any longer.

"But wait! There's more good news: we have a cake."

"Oh, and more bad news: they spelled 'mortgage' wrong. Still, if one of you can get this baker fired and then take his or her job, then that's actually good news, right? Right? Guys? Where are you going? Hey, at least leave me a slice of cake! C'mon!"


Alicia A., Natalie H., Anony M., & Morganna B. were recognized as "Wreckporters of the Day" this morning in a brief online ceremony. Sadly, they received no cake.

- Related Wreckage: Makes Ya Wonder What the Card Said
The Boob Nazi said...

Mortgage Fail? OUCH. That's just a whole lot of wrong.

Taylor said...

"I got you two things... a pregnancy test and a lollipop." -Phoebe's sister-in-law

"Don't get those mixed up. You could reall ruin that lollipop." -Monica

jo said...

But the roses on the RIP cake are just so plump and beautiful! shame they're next to a tombstone...

a (used) pregnancy test on a messy pink and blue cake that looks like a 4th of July wreck. real nice.

Poor Patrice....

and Trish's friends make me giggle.

A Girl In Her Kitchen said...

Not even gonna touch that pregnancy test cake. Seriously, NOT gonna touch it!

http://agirlinherkitchen.blogspot.com

joyce said...

just how exactly do they know it is poor Patrice's last birthday? are they planning a murder? yikes.

and don't you have to dip the preg test in urine to make it work? so there is urine on the cake? Bleck.

the misspelling of mortgage is hilarious. so, they failed to pay the mortgage? hence, this is a cake celebrating a foreclosure? wow. what next? cake for failure to graduate? how about failure to lose weight---I could go for that cake now. Has anyone used actual chocolate bunnies to decorate a cake?? I got chocolate bunnies half price at Target after Easter...purchased my first ever bunny fairy. what will they think of next? wouldn't it be fun to put a chocolate bunny on a hot cake and have a semi-melted bunny on a cake??

Julia Spencer said...

You had me at Happy Last Birthday!

flying gargoyle said...

Who knew there were so many occasions for cake? I'm astounded!

But, Trish's cake is the happiest bearer of bad news I have EVER seen!

Steve the Pocket said...

I remember a Dairy Queen commercial where the narrator speculates about offering "cakes for all occasions" because their ice cream cakes sell so well. One of the hypothetical cakes we see says "Parole Denied." In the end he says, "Nah, let's just stick with happy occasions" or something.

Never thought it would be a useful moral.

Also, "Mortage Fail" is not only misspelled but it's in Internet-speak. Makes me wonder if it was meant to celebrate a business rival's downfall or something.

Lauren Borquez said...

Some of these are pretty depressing..I managed to became a little less sad when viewing cake #3 and my mood turned to discusted as thought "pee cake" kept repeating itself in my head!

Al, Wendy, Max, and Lil said...

I think this was one of my favorite post of yours! Hilarious!

Shannon Coleman said...

Maybe this was Patrice's last birthday as "Patrice" and next year she will be "Patrick". Because this is a good news cake. Or else Patrice has a really positive outlook on death. Really positive.

Christine said...

The sad thing is that on the last cake the roses are really nicely done. Too much red piping on the edges of the cake though takes away from the roses. And the ridiculous writing. Sheesh.

Half Assed Kitchen said...

Hilarious!

Catizhere said...

Maybe Patrice was turning 29 or 39 and decided that was going to be her LAST birthday?

Kat said...

Not all tests have to be dipped in urine, some you take a dropped and use that in a window, which is what that one looked like. That being said, EWWWW! I've seen a lot of different ways to celebrate a pregnancy, but this one takes the cake....LOL! I feel bad for everyone who was offered a piece of that.

Gloom Raider said...

Given that there's a tombstone on the cake, maybe "Mortage" isn't a typo... but then I guess a "mortage fail" would have someone coming OUT of a grave.

Tricia said...

@ Joyce

"Has anyone used actual chocolate bunnies to decorate a cake?? I got chocolate bunnies half price at Target after Easter..."

Perhaps snap off their ears and stick them on top of the cake like they are coming out of a rabbit hole. Of course that would create even more questions about what on earth is that sticking up, but at least you would have a submission for Cake Wrecks. Use the remainder to shave on top as "dirt". Perhaps some jelly beans around the border. Okay, please stop me now.

Anonymous said...

Ah - a urine flavoured cake - yummy yum yum, makes a change from all that poo! What other bodily fluids will deliciously make it onto cakes - how about bile for divorce cakes?



(a new life starts as Patrice's sadly comes to an end - we are celebrating the cycle of life in carbs and sugar here, part of which seems to be mortgages failing)

Sandy C said...

Oh, I agree, this is one of the best posts ever!! And the pee cake... OMG! I have to say, if I saw something like that in my office I would prob keep quiet just to see if anyone else noticed.... then say someting at the last minute. ROFLMHO

Sandy C.

deckardcanine said...

Did anyone else read "Trish" as "Irish" the first time?

@joyce: It's a urinal cake.

imspiffier said...

I think it's probably Patrice's last birthday because of the 2 half eaten tubs of butter in the background.

Gary said...

Some of the cakes I've seen on CW are downright disgusting, some are indecent, some are clearly unsanitary, but putting something that has actually been peed on atop a cake crosses some kind of line that hasn't been crossed before.

The question I would have asked, oh a year or so ago, about a web site devoted to wrecked cakes would be, "Won't you run out of material pretty soon?" I now see, Jen and John, that that is the least of your worries.

Amy said...

Every single one of those cakes made me laugh out loud. And I can't decide which one is my favourite:
Trish's parole cake
OR
Pregnancy test cake
God, freakin' priceless!!

Kara Lynn said...

The best kind of sprinkles are the giant ones that have been peed on! Delish!!

SallyJFox said...

Maybe they forgot to celebrate Patrice's birthday last year, so they're playing catch-up?

Copperhead said...

Incredible! GULP!

:-)

Anonymous said...

I figured it out! Patrice and Trish are the same person. It is her last birthday, because she did not get paroled, and so she is on death row.

Anonymous said...

Maybe Patrice is planning to be turned into a vampire after this birthday. Still not sure if that's good or bad news.

N said...

Hi. This is Mrs. Johnson and I ordered the "parole" cake. Could you possibly add the word "No" on it before I pick it up in about an hour? Thanks. You don't think that it's too much cake for 14 people is it? I mean, we originally planned for 15...

sendingtheclowns said...

Please tell me I'm not the ONE soul in the world who thinks that the chain store cake (while functional and utilitarian) could use a few (hundred) lessons in aesthetics? Sort of a "What Not to Wear" for cakes? I'm just so weary of the status quo, sad, mass market BORINGNESS...
Look at that coupling of a bloody-dark-angry tomato paste red with a misty~happy~cool pale pink. They look HORrible together!! And those greens... ¡Ay, caramba! Surely, if they tried at all, they could find SOMEthing other than "Darkest Dusky Mold", or "John Deere Green" for these *festive* things.
((SIGH)) Cakes *want* to make people happy...

=^v.v^=

Natalie said...

Those are horrible. Simply horrible.

And fantastic!

Stephanie said...

Mmm, pee cake!

Gini said...

It's one thing to have a poorly executed or badly made cake. In these cases, the bigger problem would be whatever person thought they would be a good idea, and ordered them! LOL

Anonymous said...

Is it possible the "last" on Patrice's cake should have been "late"? Like a belated birthday cake gone horribly wrong? Just trying to make it a bit less morbid.....

aeballantyne said...

As soon as I saw that pregnancy test, my mind immediately went to Juno...

Rollo: You pay for that pee-stick when you're done! Don't think it's yours just 'cuz ya marked it with your urine!

And hey -- our society has gotten pretty good at celebrating mediocrity (4th grade "graduation" ceremonies? Really?), celebrating failure was just bound to happen eventually.

sendingtheclowns said...

What Anon @11:14 came up with REALLY makes sense to me!!!

If this is true, Patrice/Trish gets TWO sickeningly sweet cakes with which to sugar-O.D. on...thus bypassing both a long wait and/or execution.
A WIN/WIN situation!
=^~.-^=

Anonymous said...

Too funny!! The parole cake reminds me of a when a coworker brought in a huge "Welcome home from jail" cake they had bought for her brother who's parole ended up being revoked. Instead of wasting the cake, she brought it into work. I think I would have at least smeared the message off of it first!

Aviatrix said...

The cake in Back to the Future, "Your Uncle Joey didn't make parole again" was better.

Kerri said...

Poor Patrice! Well, at least she didn't have to endure sprinkles on her final birthday cake! ;)

Anonymous said...

Hubby ( a deputy) says that the no parole cake can be a happy one, depending on what side of the crime you're on. Sigh.

WandaV

JelliDonut said...

That pregnancy test cake made me throw up in my mouth.

Anonymous said...

I've seen the pee cake before...a year ago or so on a message board. It was a hit then and I see it's making the rounds again. The person who claimed to have made the cake was a cake- fruit cake. Did you partake in that board?? Just curious.

Anonymous said...

Do you think the cake under the pregnancy test was "yellow" flavor?

I'm with imspiffier-- I am very disturbed by the huge and almost-emptied tubs of butter next to the cake. . .

Liz in Seattle

Lori said...

I have never commented before, but I just have to say: I love you, Jen!

cyn said...

I have been asked if I would put a used pregnancy test on a cake. I'm not sure how I managed to keep a straight face, but I offered to sculpt one out of fondant instead. Still not the best idea in my opinion, but at least it was food-safe.

Lisa said...

ew ew EWWW! Put something that's been PEEd on on your cake? oooohh Yuck!

I would ask what is wrong with these people, but the answer is the question.

Melissa (& Billy) said...

I dunno, I think these might have been staged...or maybe I just don't want to believe someone could commit so much WRONG on innocent cakes??

The 'Pink or Blue, guess who's due?' is a cute sentiment but I'd hope that'd be a clever mock-up of a pregnancy test and not the real thing. *turns green*

Barbara Anne said...

Blog fail!! Urine poor taste and don't pooh-pooh me, either! No one's gonna bail you out one last time.

*snicker*

Ruby Reveles said...

I want to know what was baked INSIDE of the Parole cake!

"Yea! No parole for you... but that doesn't mean you can't get out... hee hee!"

CyberSlug Labs said...

Happy Last Birthday sounds like the sort of cake you'd get in this song.

wv: wardefed - "The munitions went off right next to me and now I've been wardefed."

Andrea said...

Mmmm, pregnancy test cake. Gives a whole new meaning to "I want sprinkles."

drgns4vr said...

Aside from the questionable-ness of using a pregnancy test strip on the cake (ick), what is with all the bakeries putting curled ribbon on your frosting? And in the case of this cake, it looks like it's got the little cardboard thingy for sticking it on your package. Operative word--package. Actual ribbons are for packages.
Other than that, the other cakes are great--as long as I am not the designated cakee.

Megan said...

So...very icky pregnacy test on cake, but there is some hope. It appears that the actual test is wrapped in plastic. Still gross, but at least they had that thought, 'hey this might be gross' :\

Anonymous said...

I wonder if that pee cake has a little wang to it...

~~ Chris

mimi said...

@ Taylor:

haha! That episode of Friends was on last night here in Cleveland!

Anonymous said...

How the heck did people celebrate a pregnancy before home tests? With a dead rabbit on a cake? And why don't people understand we'd be a lot happier for them if they just let us take their word for it? I'm just seeing this cake as the evidence of two fools spawning, because if they'll eat this cake and try to serve it to others, God only knows what they'll let that poor child put in its mouth.

Anonymous said...

If these cakes didn't have names on them, I'd say this was The Story of Amber continuing! (In any case, these folks can have my slice of cake. I'm feeling kind of generous, I guess.)

Miss Hannah said...

(at least?) they appear to have wrapped the pregnancy test in press-n-seal wrap so that it's not actually TOUCHING the cake... :/

Gary said...

Do you think the "No Parole 4 Trish" cake has a hacksaw blade baked into it? Or at least a shiv?

Stoich91 said...

That's ONE way to announce several things at once:

1. The failure of an individual or company
2. The failure of someone who doesn't know the WRONG occasions to order cake
3. The failure of a baker for not laughing said "someones" out the door and actually putting pregnancy sticks on cakes.

Too funny! :) Thanks, Kay KRX

Rozi said...

Am I the only one who can't seem to make out what the pee cake says? My eyes kinda hurt from staring at the screen by now

Anonymous said...

It probably will be Patrice's last birthday due to the tubs of half eaten butter next to the cake!

Aside from the gross pee stick on the cake, I just can't understand for the life of me why they sprayed that poor cake with all that silly string! ;)-- Ashley

Anonymous said...

Yikes! Where does the butter fit in with Patrice's cake?

Emily said...

@Ruby Reveles and Gary:
Totally was thinking the same thing! "Better make it the half sheet. Chocolate cake with buttercream frosting, and can you bake something in there, like a file or a saw? I'll bring it in and everything. Just put it on the diagonal, that's fine"

WV: corca. Witha thatta fila inna herra cayca, Trisha gonna poppa outta jaila like-a corca fromma Champagna!

Laura & Helen said...

You were mentioned on New Zealand television today.
It reminded me how freaking awesome your blog is.

Happy last birthday is genius!
http://theivorydahlia.blogspot.com

Daisy said...

I have this rule where I will not accept anything that has been peed on being put on food. I didn't know I had that rule until now, but I do.

I think it's important to have standards.


(Also, could the "last" possibly be a badly misinterpreted "1st"? Because otherwise I'm out of ideas.)

Arlene said...

Oh gross who on earth would want to put a used pregnancy test on a cake? What a good way to have me run out of the room screaming. And that first one would make me laugh then quietly call my doctor just in case.. if I ever had a cake like that I would probably send it back lol.

Anonymous said...

There's a slice in the Happy Last Birthday cake, so they actually bought it! Maybe Patrice had cancer or something and they wanted to remind her to be positive. Therefore, cake. Cake is very positive. I don't think the pregnancy stick is actually on the cake. I zoomed in and it looks like it's really on top of the plastic container. I can't believe someone would actually put it anywhere near the cake at all.

Poor Trish!

Zanthia said...

I actually had a nightmare last night about the pregnancy test cake.

Anonymous said...

urine for a treat !!!

Jessica said...

Maybe it's Patrice's last birthday due to the two ginormous tubs of land o' lakes butter being served with it in the background... ? ew.
-Jessica

Anonymous said...

Is there at least a file baked inside the no-parole cake? - DeadEye

Anonymous said...

Maybe Patrice is "39 and Holding", which would make the Happy Last Birthday cake actually make sense. But the RIP for the 5th birthday??? I've got nothin.

Tina :-)

Anonymous said...

The pee stick is not wrapped.

The pee stick is ACTUALLY on the cake, not photoshopped or on the plastic lid.

They ate the cake, but supposedly not from the part of the cake where the pee stick was planted.

I've seen the video that goes with the announcement. It's real.

Arlene said...

a USED pregnancy test on top of a cake...
Ew, just ew.

Anonymous said...

You have no idea how hilarious the parole cake is to me. My mother-in-law used to be a parole officer and her name is Trish.
I'll have to keep this gem of a thought tucked away for the next big family get together. It will comfort me when things inevitabley turn "special".
-Jill

Anonymous said...

Again trying to figure out the WHY? Aside from the obvious spelling mistake on the Mortgage Fail cake.

I'm thinking it was not a foreclosure but rather someone paid off their mortgage EARLY. Killed the debt ( bank name on the tomb stone) The FAIL comes from the mortgage company failing to get their hands on all that extra interest.

Maria said...

Seriously, I haven't laughed this much in a long time. OMG that was funny!

Mags said...

EW! EW! EW! on the used pregancy stick test on the cake!!!

YUCK!

:) Mags
magsgraphics.blogspot.com

Lynn at Cake Pans 101 said...

There really are cakes for all occasions! I love your blog. In a world of blogs on how to make the prettiest cake, yours is truly unique. I'm thoroughly enjoying looking at all of the cakes. Thanks for sharing.

Craig said...

Patrice probably had one of those 'milestone' birthdays that end in '9'. One hopes.

#3 If you look carefully, you will see the *cover* on the *cookie*. The cover is reflecting at the very top but not elsewhere because of the low angle. The tester is on the cover. Did anyone else's appetite return on noticing that detail?

#4 Has to be celebrating the demise of a competitor, probably a 'mortage' company. The motif would make somewhat more sense if it turned out that 'mortage' is a new euphemism for 'funeral home'.

Mark Thuesen said...

"Happy last Birthday", does this mean they missed the last birthday, or is the current birthday not a happy occasion?

mark thuesen