Friday, April 2, 2010

Lamb Fleeces

Friday, April 2, 2010

It's time once again to look at that most Wrecky of cake traditions: the lamb cake. This cake seems to be dependent on either shredded coconut and jelly beans:

This face may haunt my dreams.

...or an assortment of flotsam just baffling enough to distract you from the fact that there's a pipe cleaner glued on for its nose:

If the pipe cleaner doesn't work for you, there's also some handy curling ribbon dental floss. And tulips. Growing out of the lamb's back. You know, just 'cuz.


Here's one inspired by Sesame Street:


And then one by Elm Street:

This silent menace poses the question: do you eat it, or does it eat you?

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Yeah, like that.


Now, [singing] awwww...freak out!!

Whoah, Nellie! What's worse: the clumpy yellow and pink sponges, the oddly finger-like "legs" jammed in the icing, or the fact that *I* don't have crazy window displays like these in my town?

Natalie S., Angela R., Melissa M., JB., Amanda M., & Kyra S., I think we all know the answer to that.

- Related Wreckage: Chick Chicky Boom
Kelli @ RTSM said...

I think the Elm Street one is pretty cute...though eyes would have been a nice addition!

The Boob Nazi said...

The Elm Street one is the worst!

Rev. Allyson said...

"Do you still hear the lambs screaming, Clarice?" -- from Silence of the Lambs. 'nuff said. *GRIN*

EG said...

I kind of like the one you said is from Elm Street. It helps if you squint a little when you look at it, or look at it in your peripheral vision.

Marjory said...

Regretsy has a lamb cake posted this morning. Etsy seller's caption: MATURE lamb cake with simulated bleeding, ready for decapitation.

http://www.regretsy.com/2010/04/01/lamb-chopped/

Lady of the loch said...

And to think that years ago I passed up the opportunity to become an apprentice baker and cake decorator... I thought it would be boring... I never knew that they were high all day at work. What ever they are on? I WANT SOME!!!!

Heather said...

The third one reminds me of Tammy Fey Baker.

Ewwwwwwwwwww.

Drawn to Caricature said...

OK I'm confused!
Sponges on cake? Apart frow the Ew! That's an April Fool's day cake, right? On an Easter Cake? Double wreckie points to that baker!

Trevor said...

Seriously, Jen, I don't you should put THIS much wrongness in one post. I think I just overloaded. What IS it about holidays and this insanity.

Note to Wreckerators: you should NOT put non-foodsafe items on a cake. Last I checked, pipe cleaners are NOT foodsafe.

Didda said...

The last one looks like it was crossed with a Dachshund (weenie dog). Seriously...look at the lenght of that thing.

Lauren Borquez said...

Wow theres alot going there..nice eyes on the third one

Anonymous said...

The "afraid" one makes me laugh out loud every time I look at it. I'm at work, so I have to stop looking at it. But I can't resist. Those eyes!

Amy said...

That last one... his face has a holier-than-thou expression on it.

Dennis said...

...or is it being eaten?

Receptionist Row said...

What I find horrifing is with the "Lamb with Sponges,"... there is ANOTHER ONE off to the side!!! (Is that how you spell sponge? It just doesn't look right and I am too mesmerized by the Easter Bunny Butts that have adorned my reception desk here at work to spell check.)

Anonymous said...

The Elm Street one looks like it's covered in tortellini!

mimi said...

The second one:


Forget the pipe cleaner nose... WTF are the things stabbed into its eye sockets to make its eyes??????

Crystal said...

I agree with Didda about that last lamb. Do you have any idea how many chops you could get off that sucker if it was real?! A butcher's dream right there.

Kimberly Chapman said...

Hahahaha...ScaredChocoLamb is teh awesome. I bet its eyes follow you around the room.

Anonymous said...

In Russia, evil lamb cake eats YOU!!!

Lady Rocketpants said...

I...I kinda like the elm street one. It just needs a bit more of a face and maybe a different frosting tip on the swirls?

Erin said...

I like the "Elm Street" one.

Lesa said...

When I first saw the Elm Street one, I thought it was covered with tortellini.

kjl said...

WTH. Seriously.

hollandk said...

My mom always tried to make lamb cakes for Easter. Every single year the ears would fall off. I would never eat it, as it kind of scared me - an ear-less lamb.

Caroline B said...

Anyone seen the movie 'Black Sheep'? "Get ready for the Violence of the Lambs!"......yup, that about sums it up today.

Mrs. Hot Cocoa said...

Ewe.

How did you get photos of my fourth birthday party?

http://doublyhappy.blogspot.com/2010/04/my-own-cake-wreck.html

Anonymous said...

eyeless Elm Street--what is that fleece made of??? ABC gum or something?

ew. unappetizing. and the poor lamb that's been impaled by silk flowers. that had to hurt--look at the angle!

the scared one is hysterical. but chocolate fleece?

Anne said...

What, no one has posted about how Baaaahd these are?
(OK, now that I wrote that, a bunch of posts awaiting moderation ahead of this one will have that same bad pun.)

Anonymous said...

In addition to all the wreckiness Jen pointed out, the second lamb's eyes are made of CLOVES!!!! Technically, they're edible, but REALLY - CLOVES? The wreckerator doesn't have any other item (say, icing perhaps?) that would create the same effect? Really?!!? Boggles the mind...

WV: witudac - witudac wreckerator put all that stuff on the cake?

Brittany Forsyth said...

Is it just me or does that last one look like a pig in sheep's clothing?

Blue Jean said...

It's too bad that nobody thought to stick a cigar into the No. 3's lamb's mouth; then it'd be a perfect replica of Groucho Marx.

"If you were a man, you'd knock my teeth out. If you were half a man, you'd knock half my teeth out. And if you were a woman, we could dance the night away..."

Today's Random said...

The brown one looks like a frightened poodle.

Michelle said...

Every year on the buffet at my grandmother's house there was a coconut covered lamb cake. I usually didn't spend much time admiring it but even though my grandmother and aunts made this ONCE a year, I know that EVERY year it actually looked like a lamb. I wonder what they were doing wrong...

LizM said...

@mimi -- That second one has whole cloves for its eyes! Scary stuff.

Little Lovables said...

so sad... was waiting for the "silence of the lambs" cake but it never came!

Christine said...

I like the chocolate one. The body is pretty good. The face just needs work.

michelle said...

That first one looks like one of those stress relieving squeezy heads! Quite disturbing all around!!

Submitted for your hilarity, the example:

http://www.thediscoverystore.co.uk/product_details.aspx?id=255

Carol said...

Ditto on the movie black sheep-its the first thing that came to my mind after looking at these pictures

Anonymous said...

The one with the pipe cleaner nose, I believe its eyes are cloves. Edible, yes....

morriganscrow said...

The last one has a hoity-toity expression on its face last seen adorning the dial of Hyacinth Bucket.
As for the Elm St. lamb - covered in snails, no eyes, but a cute little sprig of blossoms in its wooly/snaily fringe.
I'm now imagining a number of little kiddies choking on the Sponge lamb's flotsam, horrified adults rushing from one to another, administering Heimlich maneuvers left, right and centre....111111

Anonymous said...

Baaaaarking mad!


someone just mentioned mint sauce to that brown one

Anonymous said...

The other day I wrote in saying that those rabbit cakes were the worst I've ever seen, even after months of reading this site. I stand corrected today. These cakes were designed by people who have obviously never seen a lamb--as in, the actual animal. That's all I can figure.

Ostrakos said...

I'm glad Marjory posted the lamb cake from Regretsy already.

Jessica said...

OMG I think that first cake was submitted by my ex-in-laws! My ex-MIL and BIL both made that cake!

i am leticia moore said...

Elm Street?? A tortellini lamb is NOT cute.

lisagems said...

Now I have Tom Smith's Death Sheep from Hell song stuck in my head. (http://www.tomsmithonline.com/lyrics/fenton.htm)

Heather said...

When I was an exchange student in Belgium, I went to the confirmation party of one of the cousins. I was surprised and impressed when the girl cut off the head of her beautiful, professional, lamb cake and blood spurted forth. It was truly a sight to behold. I always tell my children about it because I so enjoy their screams of horror.

Amber said...

Ok, the one under Elm Street looks like it's made from raw ground beef. Or is it just me?

W.Peabody said...

There's something vaguely uncomfortable about eating cakes that look like cute little animals, or babies, or faces... *tries not to think about the armadillo cake in Steel Magnolias*

Gary said...

That last one is weird enough for me to want one of my own. Wow!

... In what town was that picture taken, anyway?

Elisabeth Marie said...

I actually don't think the first 2 are that bad. and the "Elm Street" one wouldn't be that bad if it had eyes...

DJ said...

If I ever need a sacrificial lamb, now I know where to find one.

Brighte said...

OMG The Elm Street Lamb looks like it has little white ferret poops all over it! lol

Pikachu said...

The last one is the most pious looking lamb I have ever seen. It's like he is looking down at us with his little cakey nose in the air.
I love the disproportionately tiny fence surrounding him!

The Elm Street one looks like Predator wearing a white fluffy hood, which is both scary and funny.

Lisa M. said...

The Sesame Street one looks like Groucho Marx.

curegirl0421 said...

I just did a post about lamb cakes this week!

http://mimirickets.blogspot.com/2010/03/wtf-wednesday-it-puts-lotion-in-basket.html

I'm so glad you did too, people don't seem to know what these are outside the Midwest, or at least that's been my impression.

So this year I'm making my own.

Wish me luck!

lisadh said...

I was having a pretty crappy lunch and you just made my day, Jen. The "Yeah, like that" just made me laugh! Hilarious cake and perfect commentary.

Have a great weekend!

Scarlett Robyn said...

The third one looks like a bus ran over his face!

HILARIOUS as always, thanx!

Anonymous said...

What do you mean it's from elm street?" That is from bleeding heart bakery in chicago.

Nani said...

My mom brought a lamb cake last weekend when she visited, and it's so realistic I can't eat it. It's just sitting on the counter, creeping me out.

Me! said...

Wow... I thought the FIRST one was bad...then they just got worse and scarier as they went along! Yay kids, we're having nightmares for Easter!!!

Marlena said...

Ha ha ha! I love the "The Stuff" reference! One of my favorite movies of all time, and I rarely hear of anyone else who has seen it.

Jo-Anne said...

I could just hug that brown scared one. He looks so cuddly! A cuddly cake. {Messy!}

Number Two just came from the parlour. He's nicely coiffed.

Elm Street looks like he is packaged for shipping!

Anonymous said...

My two-year-old took a look at the last one and said "Sheep!" I replied, "yeah, kind of . . . " It was the only thing I could think to say. I love the scared chocolate lamb the best. It has the most appropriate expression for a cake that is about to be eaten.

Connie Moreno said...

This blog should come with a warning: Never, ever, EVER read while eating lunch at work. I have to go clean my monitor now, thank you very much!

Molly said...

Have to admit, I kinda like the "elm street" lamb. However, I still would feel weird about cutting it up to eat it. Ewwww.

Melissa said...

The brown lamb looks just like my puppy. She is always terrified.

Molly said...

My 3 year-old is pointing to the screen and saying "monkey!" "another monkey!"

mm

Johannah said...

Tortellini lamb?

Corri Anne said...

Isn't the terrified one a Chihuahua?

Mary Connealy said...

Oh my gosh. I read your headline and thought it said Lamb Feces.

Scared me.

Happy Easter

Edana said...

Awww, I actually love the Elm St one! I think the tortellini-like frosting does a much better job looking like the curly wool than any of the others. It's adorable AND creepy!

ctucker11 said...

The scared one makes me laugh out loud every time I look at it!!

Anonymous said...

That last cake is so wrong! Who decided on colored sponges?? "I know what's missing from this pastoral scene - colored sponges!" And why has no one else noticed how the face on that thing looks half human?! Is it just me?! hahaha! Doesn't it look like some sort of messed up, lonely-farmer-offspring, lambman cake?!?

WV: inatinga - I'mma gonna putta me some colored esponges by the lamb cake. You know, inatinga.

Red Wolf said...

Forget the pipe cleaner nose on the second one-- are they using CLOVES for the eyes? I'd hate to be the person who bites into that piece!

The fourth one is creepy and it looks like it is covered with macaroni spirals like some preschooler's art project reject.

Phil said...

Is the fifth one supposed to be Rowlf from The Muppet Show? o_O

Anonymous said...

That stuff you say was clumpy yellow sponge? No no no no no. It is something out of the bottom of a bucket of X-TRA CRISPY lamb tenders! It's a warning! See what can happen to the naughty ones? They end up DEEP FRIED and served on a platter wedged into the side of their favored sibling who has been honorarily stabbed with a "holy" picture, and bedecked in loose candy flotsam, ribbons, rings and things and buttons and bows. Or something.

Sarah said...

I just came here to say that I thought "Lamb Fleeces" said "Lamb Feces" at first glance.

BADKarma! said...

I changed my mind again... The "Elm Street" lamb is way cooler and more menacing that that silly old Satanic Lamb. I want the "Elm Street" lamb as my Groom's cake. Hey, I'm a girl. It's my perogative to change my mind, dammit. So there.

Paige said...

I happened to be peeking at the blog today and my 6 year old son walks up behind me. He looks over my shoulder, sees Lamb Cake #2 and says ... "That lamb looks disgusting, too many decorations."

The Smart Cookie Bakery said...

The first one kinda reminds me of the purple and pink unicorns from Charlie the Unicorn.

http://www.maniacworld.com/Charlie-The-Unicorn.jpg

It's the blank eyes and smile.

AnneE said...

I've just discovered you and you've made my Easter! You take pride of place on my food blog bloglist. Will try to search out some New Zealand wrecks for you!

Anonymous said...

Ahh. The fabulous lamb cake. I work for a large regional grocery store. Each year, we are told that we will be selling lamb cakes. Fortunately...they are never shipped to our store. However, I and one of my cake decorators offered to make some free style ones with left over red velvet cake. My offer wasn't accepted.

ethel_aldehyde said...

i gotta say, the elm street one has some pretty fantastic fleece! lamb cakes, in general, have always freaked me out. small wonder i'm a vegetarian?

Wolvie Girl said...

Flotsampipecleanercloveeyes lamb appears to have a cross jammed in its back. Maybe it's vampire, or a lambpire?

Word verification: vultence - an ancient family of Italian lambpires who rule over all the others, kind of like the Volturi but with wool.

Rachael said...

um, surely the brown one is some type of dog, right? I hope so.

1 Among Millions said...

Hilarious blog. The elm street lamb does have nice curls though.

Amanda said...

Truly, I have no words...

noon said...

I actually MADE the Elm Street one while working for BHB!! While eyes would have been nice, that was how I was instructed to make it! I actually think they were cute. Then again, that may be because I was making them all day every day for a week and it was just pounded into my brain. ;)

ps-They're a pain in the butt, because they fall over if you even LOOK at them wrong.

Arlene said...

That Elm Street lamb has no face! I couldn't see one at any rate and was afraid to look closer as the white poo frosting made me cringe. As for that last one my goodness if I saw that in a window display I would walk quickly away laughing. Ugh lamb cakes are a scary thing.

ahahah said...

Its half one in the morning here and everyone is asleep and im laughing so hard at the chocolate be afraid, be very afraid.....

LeftWingLock said...

Anyone else see Marilyn Manson's face stuck on a lamb in the first one? No? Just me? Ok...

...and I really need to stop looking at "cakes" before going to bed. The nightmares are killing me this week!

WV = hullessh = these are some hullessh examples of lamb cakes!

myimaginaryblog said...

I'd never seen a lamb cake. And now I really, really want one.

Bree said...

Chocolate lamb looks like it's one of those crochet critters your aunt makes and tries to sell at county fairs.

Cupcake Vigilante said...

What no lamb CCCs? C'mon! http://cupcakevigilante.blogspot.com

sendingtheclowns said...

So, if we just change the mouth on the first cake to a big "O." and slap a little bright yellow icing on top of the head...
(Oh, no!) MR. BILL!
Yeah? Yeah?
~~~~~
I am neverENDingly aghast that these places have the balls to put these abominations on ACTUAL display--let alone charge ACTUAL money (!!!) for them.
I can only imagine the mass lambicide on the Monday after Easter.
Unless they just scrape all the crap off of them and recycle them for Take Our Daughters And Sons To Work Day (4/26)

Pat said...

Those are pathetic! The only time I tried to do a stand-up lamb for an Easter brunch, the icing made the head so heavy it fell off, making it look like he had been guillotined! Not even massive skewers could reattach the head to the body!

cake boards said...

I like Elm street one, face should be more beautyful tough.

William said...

Elm street: The scariest black, soulless demon lamb with a body comprised entirely of white bat guano that I've seen since this time last year!

-Will

Fox said...

Mr. Pipe Cleaner Nose also has grass growing out of his legs. Exactly how long has he been laying there!? Lazy git!

I find the Tortellini Sheep far more amusing than frightening though. I have a strange desire to shove him in a boiling pot of water and mix up some sauce...

The last sheep though... that one makes me feel like the sheep just above him. O.O Dude's face looks like a pig face that was squashed thinner and tossed on a pile of fluff with some carved up pig legs for good measure. But that may just be because I'm from North Carolina... We see hogs everywhere. It's a local disability (read: traumatization).

Fox said...

As an afterthought, I think I would be interested in finding out what exactly makes up the "eyes" of Mr. Pipe Cleaner Schnozz.

Also, the Choco Lambness w/ a side of Fear wuld be awesome if it randomly trembled. Can you imagine the customers finding that? heh!

Anonymous said...

How can you have all these jelly beans everywhere, yet need to put a pipe cleaner on for a nose?? I like how the flotsam includes a prayer book-looking pick so you know what the heck’s supposed to be going on here. And are those Elm Street meringues? Apparently, nothing really IS sacred anymore.

Anonymous said...

There is an early episode of MASH in which a Greek unit is about to roast a lamb for a celebration. Radar can't stand the thought of it, so the surgeons hide the real (live) one and swap it out for one made of spam. At least a spam lamb had an excuse for looking the way it did. Blech.

sendingtheclowns said...

@Anonymous

--re: M*A*S*H episode:

I don't remember that episode (loved the show!) but

*** YAY, Radar and the rest! ***

=^-.-^=

Melanie said...

I needed a laugh today and that scared brown lamb did the trick. I am bothered by the first lamb with the pipe cleaner nose, but the haunting is left to the faceless black. Where's it's face.. if it's not ON the lamb, where is it? Who has it? Is it waiting?

Hannah :b said...

They are lamb aliens trying to TAKE OVER THE WORLD.

DIANE said...

Okay, the fact that the one looks EXACTLY like Rick James in his heyday is beyond disturbing! Gahhhhh!

Jennifer in MN said...

I make a lamb cake every year. The secret is....make it out of pound cake, sprinkle powdered sugar over it and serve it with strawberries....NEVER put icing on the thing--and now you can see why.

Nonna Beach said...

After all the horrors of those cakes, I am so ready for "Sunday Sweets " !!!

Fanboy Wife said...

Wow. These cakes are "baaaaaaaaaaaaaad!"

Anonymous said...

I see a pig face on the last one.

Mama Rhu said...

What goes on over there in your country to make people create these offerings !!!!

.... and why don't we have these in the UK I feel we are missing out :-(

Oh and Happy Easter, I'll stick to the chocolate eggs thanks

Jennifer said...

The first one totally looks like Marilyn Manson.

Serena Witzke said...

I think this may be the origin of the lamb cake:

http://www.weirdworm.com/9-strange-easter-traditions/

Polish butter sculpture in the shape of a lamb, Baranek Wielkanocny. A priest should bless it, then you eat it tail first. The cake version sounds like a slightly healthier take on tradition. Slightly.

Melissa (& Billy) said...

LOL, I look like the 5th cake (chocolate 'lamb') while reading this post. 0_0!!

WV: feall--I don't feall so good after looking at these wrecks...

Anonymous said...

How come none of them has a cigarette?

Christina said...

I SOOOO needed a laugh and you provided more than enough comic relief!

andygirl said...

I can't look at that "frightened lamb" cake without bursting into laughter!

The Deranged Housewife said...

OMG I am laughing so hard even my one-year-old is laughing with me! The first one - does this poor lamb suffer from a case of strabismus? Perhaps a pair of glasses might help?

The poor wide-eyed lamb ... "You're not really going to .... *gulp* ....EAT ME, *are* you?"

I Love Baby Quilts! said...

That Elm Street one is a wolf in sheep's clothing.

Californiutahan said...

I was laughing so hard I had tears running down my face! Those are SO BAD. Especially the "Sesame street" one.