Thursday, April 29, 2010

A "Dreme" Come True

Thursday, April 29, 2010

"Welcome back to round one of the National Wreck Bowl, folks. Our reigning champion, Pat Wüfflehausen, has filled his pastry bags and is ready to attempt a new world record.

"Greg, this is obviously a huge challenge for Wüffelshausen. What do you think he's feeling right now?

"Well, he ate the same lunch we did, Pete, so probably nauseous and constipated."

"Hey, I did warn you about those samosas, buddy. Aaaand here we go! Our champ is now in position. Looks like he's assessing the area...he's preparing to pipe...and...

"A-HA! Would you look at that? Right out of the gate, he has destroyed the first word!"

"Tell me, Greg, how many points would you say that misspelling is worth?"

"Oh, I have no idea."

"But if you had to take a shot in the dark?"

"Well, I'd probably spill it."

"No, no, I mean...Uh, tell you what, let's just move on to round two."

"YES!! Wüfflehausen just manages to knock out the second word! That was quite a close call, turning the 'I' into an 'E', don't you think, Greg?"

"Only when absolutely necessary, Pete."

"Haha, sounds good. Well, folks, this is it: the final round. And, uh-oh! Look what just got plunked down on the playing field!

"Greg, it's going to be pretty tough for Wüfflehausen to misspell "achieve" with that star stamp right next to him. Do you think he can pull it off?

"Well, sure! It's just a tiny plastic pick - probably doesn't weigh a thing."

"No, no, sorry, that was my fault there, Greg. I mean, do you think he can do it?"

"Do what?"

"Right, let's get back to the action! The crowd is hushed with anticipation, and you can almost feel the tension in the air, can't you, Greg?"

"Abso-lutely not!"

"And here we go...and, oh! Oh! It looks like he could...go...all..the...way!

"YES!! Do you believe in miracles?!?"


"Well, there was that time my mother-in-law fell down the stairs..."

"And that's a new World Record! To those of you at home, thanks for tuning in, and good night!"



Annie, I think I'd call this the "Hale Mary" of Wreckerating.

- Related Wreckage: The Teacher Tearjerker

A Girl In Her Kitchen said...

I could never dreme of or imagene such an acheivement!!

http://agirlinherkitchen.blogspot.com

Carlo said...

I don't really have a sweet tooth so I don't like cake that much but the reason I've read your blog every single day for about two years now is simply how funny it is. This post just takes the ceke!

Anonymous said...

Good Lord, I spewed coffee all over my computer screen. I think some even came out of my nose. A new world record indeed!

-Natalie

Ferralyn said...

OH too funny! You have to imagine the narration in the voices of the two sportscasters from the "classic sports network" on SNL - it's perfect!

Newb said...

Ok Jen, you out did yourself today. That might be one of the funniest posts you have ever done! And as a teacher and a mother of two, I just have to add, "Sigh." Congratulations dude - that was truly a trifecta of terrible.

Kathy

Taylor@MyOlderBrothers said...

If there was an online blog comment version of the slow-clap, I'd be typing it right now.

Simply... awesome.

Anonymous said...

Years ago, a group of us ordered a cake for a coworker's birthday. I usually made the cakes myself, but I was out of town that week (phoned the order in from some hotel room somewhere)

I thought it was bad that when I went to pick up the cake the next morning, they'd managed to get it frosted , but no decorations.

so there I stood at 7:30 in the morning in the bakery of the grocery store in a suit and heels, piping buttercream trim and writing the Happy Birthday message myself (I even put some sprinkles on it.) The manager at least gave me half off since I did most of the work myself.

But that? That takes a special kind of incompetent to misspell a word when it's written out right there next to where you put the tip on the cake.

Yike.

Megan (Best of Fates) said...

I think this post might have my favorite commentary - hilarious!

Anonymous said...

ROFL!!! I soo needed a good laugh today and this had me in the tear making giggles! Oh thank you...thank you thank you...this was perfect!

Meredith

XOXO said...

Jen,
this is the kind of commentary that makes your blog my second stop of the morning.

It's (wv:) chesseli. Yes it is.

Every. Morning.

Love!

Miranda said...

Dude! That's so sad! "dreme"? The other words are bad enough...but "dreme"? WTF man.

Megan said...

Oh my...your commentary today has made my day. I can deal with all these people who don't know how to read an email asking me questions...I can Acheive anything today ;)

Thank you, Thank you!

Oh for for the commentators i pictured the sports commentators from 'Major League'; Bob Ueker and that other guy...

Anonymous said...

And this is why all bakeries should keep dictionaries close at hand...and teach their decorators how to use them!

Jitteh said...

sweet write-up, yo!

Kelly said...

Your tribute to the SNL sportscasters made this post amazing. I could hear their voices narrating in my head! If only it could've been sponsored by some feminine product . . . ha ha!

Anonymous said...

Actually, this is a perfect graduation cake.

"See honey, this is why you spent all those evenings doing your homework. So you wouldn't spend the rest of your life piping icing in the back room of a chain store for minimum wage."

Miss Spelled said...

I am very upset with you for making fun of my dear friend, Imagene's, graduation cake. Her full name is Acheive Imagene (like the comediene Imogene Coca, only spelled differently) Dreme, but we just call her Imagene.

And now you've spoiled her magic day by making fun of her cake.

Humpfh!

Anonymous said...

A suprime acheivement on your part, Jen! Best post ever. (From the movie "Best of Show" I had Fred Ward's voice in my head for the part of commentator Greg - too damn funny!)

-Summer

Kay said...

I think you may mean "Hale Marry" right?

(wv: popoopup. I got nothing.)

Onyx said...

Too bad they don;t have a spell checker for cakes

Cindy said...

I would buy this for an English Major or Teacher's graduation. Just because!!!

Jim Todd said...

*stares in disbelief*

The Wreckerator misspelled "achieve" even though the correct spelling was right there, ready to be followed?

*bangs head on desk*

Too funny!

Alex said...

I think that's "Hale Merry."

Quisty said...

Hmmm. Was this cake meant to be sarcastic or ironic? If so, well done! And if not....all I can say is Oy.

Crazy Raven Productions said...

Nah, you spelled Mary right. How about "Hale Mairy"? :)

Great writeup...the shot in the dark bit almost made me spit water on my keyboard. :)

Katrina said...

"Dreme"- Whoa. Is that because of all those "creme filling" signs in the bakery?

On the second one I wanted to hope that the recipient's name was Imagene.

Well, then misspelling a word that was already on the cake? Miraculous.

Almost made me proud that someone was so committed to messing up. That takes determination.

(BTW - Loved the "shot in the dark" line.)

sleeplessnights04 said...

I've never wanted to cringe so my in my lyff :oP That's a shame - and on a graduation caek too. I guess education isn't a recommended skill in decarateing sed caekz :oP

Classic Steve said...

To be fair, the "Achieve" flotsam might not have been there when the Wreckorator wrote the word. And then he stuck the flotsam on without looking closely.

As for "DREME," I can only assume ESL.

Colette said...

LMAO, the commentary reminds me of the sports announcer segment of SNL XD. Now all you need is an embarrassing feminine product as sponser to make crude puns about.

Cait said...

You have managed to combine my two favorite things into one post: the SNL women's sports announcers and cakes gone terribly wrong! You're my hear oh :D

Gary said...

"Oh, look, someone in China spelled 'acheive' wrong on this plastic pick. Not to worry, I'll just pipe the correct spelling of 'acheive' in bigger letters on the cake."

But the crowning touch is that all this is on a cake with a little rolled-up diploma on it-- either a graduation cake, or a cake meant to encourage young students in their studies. Perfection.

Anonymous said...

Hands down the best commentary yet! Hilarious!!!!!

ML said...

This was your best post EVAHHHH! Such talent - I mean yours. And creativity, also yours. This is the kind of funny people (mostly me) dreme of being. Glad to be witness to your skillz! Lately, this blog has sometimes been the only smile I get all day. I appreciate it more than you can know!
wv ~ gagmfrou - if these cakes' taste is equal to their decoration, the only way to eat them would be to gagmfrou.

Anonymous said...

So funny! Best ever!

WV: Buseat- I'm glad they keep buseat the bakeriers messing up cakes so you have plenty of material.

Anonymous said...

Oh, well done today, Jen! I could hear those two actors who played the commentators in that dodge ball movie as I read it. EXCELLENT!!!

ljbrackett said...

This is why I start my mornings with you guys!! This has now been added to my list of favorites. As I read, I was hearing Fred Ward from "Best in Show".

Diane said...

I have tears running out of my eyes laughing so hard -- thanks for the wreck!

jo said...

OMG Jen! for someone who's not a sports fan, your commentary is brilliant! Very funny dialogue today. Love the interpretation of a triple-mispelled cake. And "Acheive" was RIGHT NEXT to the flotsam Achieve pick! Score!

Katie said...

I wonder if this was how the family requested it on the cake. "She's the first in the family to graduate high school, so we wanted to do something real special for her!"

Mallie said...

This cake is unbelievable - especially the misspelling of the word "Achieve" with the plastic thingie right there!! And your play on the SNL sportscasters was amazing. Tell us - what feminine hygiene product was today's post sponsored by? :-)

Aaron of Minneapolis said...

A "Hale Marry" indeed!

Bree said...

I first thought that rolled up diploma was a cigarette and wondered why someone would "dreme" of smoking. But it kind of makes sense, after seeing every word misspelled on that cake, you would need a cigarette to recover!

Rebekah said...

Funniest Post Ever! Well, almost. I think the "big pink finger" still takes the award home. But still. Oh my.

Anonymous said...

Star-studded plastic flotsam - $.99

Icing bag and icing - $1.99

Mad wreckerator skillz - PRICELESS!

wv: askmous. "How do you spell 'imagine'?" "Dunno, let's askmous."

JamesterCK said...

Seriously? SERIOUSLY?!?! How do these people get jobs decorating cakes? It boggles the mind! I'm thinking maybe they should implement a spelling test for all new hires, because this is just sad.

Michael said...

The commentary was superb, I loved it. But I really don't think this was a wreck. It looks like there is a diploma on top of the cake, so it is likely a graduation cake. I suspect the misspellings were deliberate. Like the cake I saw once that said, "Hukt on fonix wurkt for me!"

Erin said...

wow. I'm without words.

Anonymous said...

Congradulatoins. This post has me laughing so hard I'm almost crying!

Famous Hat said...

I loved Newb's comment almost as much as the original post - "Trifecta of Terrible" would be an awesome name for a three-member rock band.

WV: conshe - conshe misspell even more words on the next cake?

Fluffy Cow said...

My jaw literally dropped a little more with each picture.

Wow.

cheryl said...

Something was rolled into that diploma.

Abby Normal said...

Dyslectics untie!

Loved, loved, loved the commentary! I want those broadcasters to follow me around for a day.

"I don’t think Abby can procrastinate any longer. Surely some work must... What’s this? Opening a browser? Heading to Cake Wrecks! Can you believe it?"

"I believe in Leprechauns."

"What a champ."

David C. said...

Wow, I could almost hear the two announcers from Celebrity Death Match in my head!

Chloe said...

I think my favorite part was, "I'd probably spill it." Haha, that was delightfully clever. Thanks for the morning pick me up!

Heather said...

Wouldn't it be considered a hat trick?

flying gargoyle said...

"But if you had to take a shot in the dark?"
"Well, I'd probably spill it."

Not me! I read this and promptly spit my beverage instead. ;^) This is a truly inspired entry by an epic "fail cake". You guys must be P.D.Q. Bach fans!

Lindsay Maddox (Silly Mom Thoughts) said...

I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

Wowza!

It was made a million times better with the commentary. Love this!

msyendor said...

I'd totally buy that for my English major graduate. "Congrats, kid. You now are an expert on a dy-, sorry, the evolving conglomeration that is the 'English' language."

conGLOBeration? conBLOGeration? Gee, what new concept can I synergize today?

WV: ablert -- Yup, Ablert, you're on your way now.

Jason said...

PDQ Bach reference?

Anonymous said...

This post reminded me of Tiger Words on Between the Lions. But then, Tiger only got points for spelling things right. . .

LaurenH said...

I was torn between reading that as 'Best of Show' commentators and the ones from ESPN 8 (The Ocho!) in 'Dodgeball' Too funny!

alynxia said...

The cherry on top has to be the "diploma" ROFL - yeppers. Totally explains why most college-aged kids can't spl thr wy out of a wt ppr bg.

Flartus said...

How do you do it, Jen? You're faced with the same, unending drudge of misspellings (and godawful color schemes...er, scheams), and yet you still manage to come up with original, hysterical commentary. Is it all those shots in the dark?

At any rate, well done, my Wreck Master, well done. I look forward to "Gradaiton" season!!

Anonymous said...

I think you mean the "Hale Merry."

theelfqueen said...

That was WRECK-TACULAR!

Lori-Anne said...

... or the "Hale Merrie" of decorating.

Abby said...

$8.99 for that?? I have to admit, this is now one of my favorite CW posts. Marvelous commentary. "Probably doesn't weigh a thing." HA!

Anonymous said...

the irony that this is a graduation cake. passive aggressive high school dropout wreckerator? shouldn't these words be spellable by 5th grade though? sheesh.

maybe it IS an ESL problem. an argument for immigration reform?

Papi and Wee Granny said...

Kay, your wv: popoopup is the sound the un-tamped frosting bag makes as the wreckerator pipes on plops!

My wv: ectis, as in, "What the ectis happened?"

-T said...

I think the most shocking part of this post is that the bakery is charging $8.99 for those spelling mistakes. That's quality work!

Kristine said...

BEST. CAKE. EVER. I would buy it and have a party in it's honor!

shadow said...

Great. I heard the primary narration of this one in Greg's (Whose Line) voice.

You gotta stop putting these voices in my head, Jen, or one day they won't go away again!

Brat said...

I learned from a dear friend that when people misspell things they think they are spelling it right so feel no need to check a dictionary. My ex hubby spelled 'people' as 'peeple' and he was over 50 years old. He thought it was correct every time he wrote it.

We will always have people who misspell with us, which means Cake Wrecks can be with us forever.

So, that's all good. :)

Celeste said...

Loved the commentary. Had the Sports Classics commentator in my head the whole time. Brilliant!

Just a heads up:

Nauseous means you make people want to throw up. Nauseated means you feel like you need to throw up.

Could make future wrecks even wreckier!

Love, love, love the blog!

Lemony Fresh said...

@Jason - I totally thought of the concert casting too when I read this! "AAAnd they're off with the four note theme!"

I would love to see more of the Wreckcasters!!

Janelle said...

I was totally hearing Cotton McKnight and Pepper Brooks (AKA Gary Cole and Jason Bateman) from ESPN8--the Ocho!--in my head. This was perfection!

Priscilla said...

I love that SNL skit! Jen, you are hilarious!

krillia said...

I am choosing to believe that the misspellings are a joke for the new grad.

The commentary was brilliant, though. Loved the "shot in the dark" one. ^^

caferacers66 said...

pure funny right there.

Liane said...

EVERY. SINGLE. WORD. MISSPELLED. (Strangely, I spell-checked that last word in Word 2007 and it is ok two ways: "misspelled" and "mispelled". But Firefox doesn't like "mispelled." Anyone care to debate?)

Anonymous said...

that's why i love cake wrecks... :D

Shannon said...

That has to be the funniest thing I've read this week!

darus67 said...

Anyone besides me hearing Eric Idle's voice as you read this post?

Jolly said...

oh wow- that was a dremey and auinspiring wreck. New hites of wreckness indeed.

elissa said...

Maybe it was deliberate: You only get your diploma if you spot all the misspellings.

WV: miescend: A descent in status due to misspellings.

Kayleen the Violinist said...

That is farntastek. :S

the mouse said...

I believe this is one of your all-time best posts.

rascalmom said...

Jen, you are all that is betwien me and insanety. Thanks so mush for this wanderful post.

As a perfessional proofraeder, naterally I was delited.

LOVE this blog;)

Anonymous said...

LOL It is like my diaree full of similar misspelleengs lol

Becky said...

Your announcers are totally Pete Twinkle & Greg Stink from SNL, aren't they? :)

The Black Dog said...

Please tell me this was a joke, I can't fathom someone actually making that many errors on a cake.

Lisa said...

Next up - "If you can Dreme it, you can Acheive it!!" Including the quotation marks, of course.

Irony for me here is I know a woman named Mary Hale. Yesh.

Kayla said...

All you needed was the sponsorship of a feminine hygiene product.
Very funny!

i-leaf-evan said...

"I before E except after C. Well, technically they're after a C."

Cakelady72 said...

Third time's a charm. Shows what our education system really prepares us for. Misspelled cakes.

Courtney said...

A misspelling trifecta!

-Courtney

Anonymous said...

And to think that someone paid $8.99 for that masterpiece!

n00b programmer said...

Here's a little help...
"i before e except after c
or when sounded like a
as in neighbour and weigh "

As for the other ones...I can't help the decorator there.

http://introtoprogrammingandlife.blogspot.com/

kelly dwyer said...

I would call it a "hat trick"!

Shayna said...

Guess this wreckerator didn't "acheive" quite enough, did he?

Cottagecheap said...

the SNL reference made my happier than eating cake...well almost! BUT...what was it brought to us by? I mean really....?

Krusho said...

Definitely worthy of the slow clap. :)

AND the comments today are fantastic! Thanks everyone!

Mella said...

I see evidence of a letter allergie

squ1rrel said...

This is why my bakery keeps a dictionary next to where we take orders, just in case.

Anonymous said...

You said it was the "Hale Mary" of Wreckerating. I don't mean to all you out in public, but I think you actually meant "Hale Merry" in this case. Technically. ;-)

Amy said...

Like Laura, I heard this in the voices of the Best In Show and Dodgeball announcers. Inspired commentary!!

Beach Mama said...

I think it is definitely the icing trinity! Great post today! It reminded me of that classic comedy skit of the 2 sportscasters doing a play by pay of the orchestra playing classical music (Bach? Beethoven??). Thanks for the laugh!

Tiffany said...

oh yes!!! The laughter abounds!!!

I heard Alton Brown while reading... that was fun!!!


Doitagain, doitagain, doitagain!!!

rascalmom said...

@ Liane: Spell check is a completely worthless program; trust the pro proofer here. It is definitely "misspelling" with two esses.
We tell all the writers at my company that if they're depending on spell check, they're not actually getting any proofreading done. Its word lists are crazy, and it can't tell when you've misspelled a word in place of another one ("are" for "our" for example).

I want to be a cake proofreader now, though, to provide excellanse in speling for swiets. :)

Mary said...

Your blog is absolutely hilarious. My daughter is a pastry chef and she reads it for inspiration on what not to do.

Ana said...

The "shot in the dark" did it for me.

After all these posts, you guys get funnier and funnier.

Keep them coming, please! :)

~Ana

sendingtheclowns said...

Anonymous at 9:41-
7:30 in the MORNING? Decorating a cake in a store bakery??
In a suit and heels??? And you didn't even know where you WERE "...out of town that week...some hotel room somewhere." ????
It all sounds so serendipitous...so freewheelingly footloose and fancy-free...!!
I want YOUR life!
----
So, this is what "I* think is going on there:
It's all a subterfugical
and Secret Code-y type of "message" on that cake. It's supposed to be picked up by a mysterious Secret Agent type of customer. The message is not at all what it appears to be. OF COURSE. Otherwise it wouldn't be a Big SECRET. OR be getting picked up by a S.E.

"IMAGENE" and "DREME":

These are *really* "I'M A GENE" and DR.EME"
(Looks to me like the case involves some sort of genetic engineering experiment. One in which the common comma and the apostrophe are not cleared to take part in at this time.)
"ACHEIVE" : Could be referencing a certain ARCHIVE of importance. Don't ask ME!
Maybe too much of a stretch? Then how about "ACHEIVE" meaning "I'VE an ACHE"?
Which--naturally-- would be their way of saying that something has gone seriously wrong with the lighting in the lab. Eye strain hurts, doesn't it?
And OBVIOUSLY the squiggly things and the dots HAVE to have something to do with DNA strands and such-like.
I think I'm on to something here, and may be close to cracking the case.
I'M NOT TAKING ANY CALLS.
DON'T WAIT UP!
=^9.9^=

Fanboy Wife said...

They had to try really hard to get all of those words spelled incorrectly. That's a special kind of talent.

eavasi said...

I and my Russian confectionery firm always wanted and dreamed to have such a high astounding achievement

JonB said...

"Laughter is best medicine" - and sorely needed after seeing some of these wrecks.

@Kay (10:08AM) - Po' Poo Pup: http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/2008/09/going-to-dogs.html

Arlene said...

Ok where oh where did they find this wreckerator??? I mean if they can't even spell achieve right when it is in front of their faces.. then again they can't seem to spell anything. Back to school with you!! Lol.. this just makes me sad for whoever ordered it in the first place..By the way I just ordered my cake pray it isn't going to be put on here lol.

Rachel said...

hello,

I love you. Your hilarious pictures and brilliant captions have me laughing out loud on a daily basis.

For that dear wrecktators I could never repay you...

Carry on, I say, carry on.

Jess Parsons said...

Surely that's the Hale Merry?

Anonymous said...

Hi! Grammer police here. Very, very funny post (as is everyday). Okay, just one thing that made me cringe. After eating something bad, like samosas, you would feel nauseated, not nauseous. Nauseous/nauseated is one of those similar ones that is getting flubbed more and more often, hence becoming more acceptable. But I'm sure you don't want to be acceptable ;)

Alysa said...

WOW!!!

(That's all I can say right now :)

Miranda said...

Anon,

You mean grammAr police, don't you? ;)

Yours truly,
the friendly neighborhood copy editor

Classic Steve said...

@Anonymous: Merriam-Webster disagrees, not just in listed definitions but in its comments on usage.

Debra Svedberg said...

I before E, except after H. Or any other letter.

Albatross said...

How can you misspell a word when it's right in front of you??!! *facepalm*

Anonymous said...

That is truely unbeleivible.

(Yes, I spelled both words wrong on purpose!)

Annie said...

To All,
I submitted this and then forgot. It still makes me laugh out loud. Mostly because my sister, an 8th Grade English teacher, was the first to show it to me. One of her colleagues had gone to a local grocery store for a goodie for the teachers...and snapped the pic.

Annie

Anonymous said...

Yes I agree, the only thing missing was this post being sponsored by some feminine product!! (From SNL's "ESPN Classic Sportscasters" skit). OMG so funny. And the cake? Just...wow.

~LL

pika23 said...

Greg stink ftw!

Anonymous said...

At least she (he?) only claimed to be the "grammer" police, not the spelling police!

Kari said...

I love it!

Now if only you'd thrown in hilariously inappropriate female product ads.... ;)

Ashlee said...

Your homage to the SNL commentators sketch was just AWESOME. Written better than most of their recent stuff. Keep it up, Jen!!

Aliza said...

In light of Annie's April 30/6:22 pm post that this was a legitimate offering in a grocery store-- and not an intentional flub-- wow. I understand that these grocery store bakeries aren't the highest paying jobs, and that some schools in the U.S. are *really* bad, but... wow. The wreckerator doesn't have much of a future without dramatically improved literacy skills. I was going to laugh at it, but now I just see this as really, really sad.

Anonymous said...

Best. Post. Ever.

I nearly peed my pants at the "shot in the dark" line.

sass said...

your adding greg stink to all this just made my horrendously slow day at work suddenly better.
yay snl references! :D
thank yooooooooou xxoo

ron said...

haha it's an honest mistake, but I guess he didn't finish high school?

just kidding everyone makes mistake. thanks for the giggles.