Monday, April 12, 2010

Don't Toy With Me, Man

Monday, April 12, 2010

It probably started innocently enough.

"Hey, let's add a little stuffed rattle to this design, as a free bonus!'"

"We all know how much babies like cake!"

Now, despite the fact that this design requires no decorating skills whatsoever, it does have the fatal flaw of being a cupcake cake. [hawww ptooiee!] Which means, more often than not, you're going to get something like this instead:

"What the heck is it?"

"Who cares? Look, a free baby rattle!'


So, they nixed the CCCs and started putting the little stuffed toys on mini-cakes:

The vicious Venus Monkey Trapcake snares another victim.


Then they really started to mess with us.



1) Just how big is this cake?

2) Conversely, how tiny is that stuffed lamb?

3) Whichever it is, did the Wreckerator really think that lamb effectively "filled the space?"

4) Why put a baby's stuffed animal on an engagement cake, anyway? It has nothing do to with the design! It's like the cake was being wheeled past and the little guy just hopped on Bruce Willis style, riding it out to freedom while the building exploded around him.
(Ok, that last bit could be wishful thinking on my part.)


Of course, just when you think a little stuffed lamb might be appropriate, like on a baby shower cake, they go and do this:

That is solid icing, y'all. "Suprise!" indeed.

(Yes, I know "suprise" is spelled wrong.)

But getting back to the stuffed animals: like goldfish, these things are growing to fill their containers:

Sensible? Sanitary? Sane?
Good questions, all.

But perhaps the most important question of all is: When future generations look back on the day the "fake fur fiber fad" began, will this be one of Wikipedia's illustrations?

"With its high levels of sugar, fat, and 'colon-cleansing synthetic fiber', the Plush & Flush Diet soon became an overnight sensation in the U.S."


Bill B., Caryn C., Becky, Lisa Z., Kristen F., Allie C., & Emily B., more on point (ballerina pun ftw!), when do they start plopping Xbox 360's on these things, with little icing borders? "That'll be $467.39, please. Oh, and if you want games, then you have to buy the cupcakes separate."

- Related Wreckage: Phony
Jenniffer said...

Ooh! Stuffed animals on a cake? Now, that just gross! But still funny! :)

-Jenniffer
http://cupadeecakes.blogspot.com

Lauren Borquez said...

Wow how funny..They were just so thoughtful in how they just threw the stuffed friends right on top on the cake!

Trevor said...

Seriously? That last one looks like it's a funeral for the stuffed bear to me.

Erin said...

This may be the grossest thing (to me) that Jen has yet showed us. Try to clean the animal? ick. fur in your icing? ick.

Does it look to anyone else that the last toy died on the cake?

Little Lovables said...

insane... so maybe it could work if done reallllly well, bu these not so much!

and the first cake, is actually kind of cute, in a wrekkie kind of way, though it's missing it's left ear.

jaysmom said...

How do they get all that icing off the fur???? Yuck!

Amanda said...

I... Why? The stuffed animal would have to be washed to get all the icing off before you could play with it. And they're never the same after a cycle in the washer and dryer--the fur gets all matted and blah. Give me a cake and a stuffed animal BESIDE it...

WV: reavise. "You didn't listen the first time, so I will reavise you to NOT PUT SOFT TOYS ON A CAKE"

Don't Click My Link said...

That's nasty. You have to wash the stuffed animal as soon as you get it.

Jenny said...

That last one looks like a teddy bear funeral! Yes, let's eat the casket and the deceased!

Ashleigh said...

The tiny lamb cake is a baby shower kit. It is possible that those are the parents names. If it's on a full sheet cake, it could look that small. nevertheless, the wreckerator could have done a better job filling the excess space.

Also, major ew that they put the fuzzy bears on the cake. We NEVER do that at my store. (Yeah, I'm a store decorator but I'm proud to say this blog has made me better...fear perhaps?) The bears come with plastic trays for them to sit on but when you put the lid on the cake and force them to fall over, what's the freaking point?!?

Vivian said...

I think the "solid icing" lamb is actually a molded rice krispie treat that has been decorated.

Anonymous said...

"It's like the cake was being wheeled past and the little guy just hopped on Bruce Willis style, riding it out to freedom while the building exploded around him."

This is why I start my mornings with this website. Thank you.

Also, the first cake, while requiring no decorating skill whatsoever, is still missing one ear. Bummer.

I wonder what is under the label on the "Suprise" cake. One would assume "girl," but maybe it's something much more shocking and that's the "suprise"?

Good "stuff" (har dee har har). Happy Monday!

--kate

The Gravekeeper said...

Is it just me or does that icing lamb look like it got run over?

I've been keeping on eye on my local Safeway. They've started selling CCC's. None of them have been wrecks yet (mostly just imitating sheet cakes), but someday there'll be something hideous in there and I'll have my camera at the ready.

Meg said...

That last one could be titled "Funeral for a Bear". I can't imagine trying to clean the icing out of animal plush, or being the least bit tempted to eat the piece of cake upon which the fuzzy thing rested!

Erin said...

all I can think of is how do you get the icing off of the stufty?

...and I don't know where that Stufty has been!

~E

Emily said...

Did any one else notice that cake #1 is missing an ear??- Emily

Zach said...

Plastic figures are one thing, but who in their right mind would want a stuffed animal...especially on buttercream! Freaks

A Girl In Her Kitchen said...

Fail.

http://agirlinherkitchen.blogspot.com

Jennifer said...

I really want to know what is written under the label of the Suprise! cake. "Suprise! Boy/______" It's a new fill in the blank game...

-Jenn

A J said...

Suprise!
Boy/Girl

I love that one!

Anonymous said...

They're idiots!! The cakes are supposed to look like this

http://kuddablekakes.com/estore/store.php?Birthday-pg1-cid8.html

And anyone with a brain would let the customer put the stuffed animal on themselves.

Anonymous said...

"Plush & Flush Diet"! Love it!

Seriously, who wants to deal with icing on stuffed animal fur? or fur on icing? hairball!

"here, baby, just suck that right off. we'll put you in the tub when you're done cleaning your wittle icing covered bear/monkey/lamb."

Meanwhile, bear #1, while the least offensive looking, is missing an ear. How did THAT happen? it's flotsam! was the kit incomplete? did it fall on the floor?

NYCGirl said...

Are we sure that Rosette is actually the sheet cake recipient's name and not a request for, well, rosettes?

Jessica said...

That is just gross. Who would want to eat a furry cake?!

I have to admit that first bear is a little bit cute though.

Tigerwolf said...

It's like the cake was being wheeled past and the little guy just hopped on Bruce Willis style, riding it out to freedom while the building exploded around him.

"Yippee-ki-yay, mother-wrecker!"

^..^

Anonymous said...

Doesn't every kid want a dead-teddy-on-a-pink-cake for his/her birthday?

Vickie Parker said...

The big one who is growing to fill his container? (Number 6) He won't be growing for long; there's a gun pointed right at him.

The fill-in-the blank boy/___ one reminds me of "Match Game '76".
(Google that one, for the young folks here.)

Anonymous said...

Boy/Girl/Whathaveyou?

What's wrong with "Baby Jones" if they don't know which one, or if it's one of each, "Jones Babies"? I'm sure everyone has heard by shower time if it's twins...

Anonymous said...

Some of your postings are funny; some just leave you scratching your head. I just don't get it - why would anyone put a stuffed animal on a cake? Wouldn't the fur get into everything, not to mention washing the icing out of the animal? Or maybe, since baby's put everything into their mouths anyway, this is a like one of those dog toys that you put treats in. It will keep the child busy for a long time sucking the icing off while the parents contemplate how did their lives come to this - the highlight of the weekend is a baby's birthday party.

Anonymous said...

Pedobear strikes again?

And who doesn't love washing a stuffed animal covered in gooey icing? A gift with a fun chore attached, and good preparation for what this kid's going to have you doing in no time too!

Marcy W. said...

The stuffed animal cakes are a little like the "live fish" cakes. Just wrong on several levels. I'm afraid of what "cake decorating kit" suppliers will come up with next. I tried to think of something really clever to say here, but came up with big, fat nothing.

Oh, and people need to lighten up and "get the joke." We all know what the cakes are "supposed" to look like. That's what makes them wrecks. See?

WV: ringsa - "Ringsa 'round the lamb-y, pocket full 'o frosting/fur clumps..."
Yeah, I know it doesn't rhyme. It's still early.

JillyBiehn said...

I'm with Jennifer. I want to know what's after the slash on the "Suprise" cake. Yikes.

WV: smetic - to believe that smet can make a difference; antonym: anti-smetic.

Becky said...

Ewwww, stuffed animal fur and frosting is NOT a good combination.

I thought the first CCC was actually pretty cute, aside from the missing ear.

Also, I agree with Ashleigh - the cake for Rosette & Tom is a baby shower cake. Check out the ribbon around the sides of the cake.

emilysandlin said...

In regards to the first picture, my favorite cartoon always was "poo bear!"

Half Assed Kitchen said...

Just how I like my stuffed animals...sticky and crusty. Ew.

knitorpurl said...

Oh yeah, please put a furry toy on top of my icing. That would be a wonderful "supise"

The last cake is way more of a dead teddy bear funeral than a birthday cake. Way to celebrate.

And Jen, your Bruce Willis/lamb reference cracked me up!

WV: comena- the bear is not dead, he is just in an icing comena

J. P. said...

while viewing this at my side, my 4 year old daughter broke out into spontaneous song..."Its a wonderful toy...no its not...but its a cute little toy...no its not." What does THAT tell you!

Sandy said...

I know it's missing an ear, but the first one is still the cutest CCC I've ever seen.

flying gargoyle said...

All the plastic accessories in the world cannot help that second "cake" to look like a bear! And I just love the last cake...when in doubt drop a big ol' teddy bear on it. You won't have any trouble getting frosting out of the fur!

~* Aria *~ said...

Thinking about the icing squished into the faux fur makes me cringe.

Scarlett Robyn said...

Imagine what would happen if a baby did get the cake and ate the toy!

HILARIOUS as always, thanx!

Cupcake Vigilante said...

Poor little Princess Ballerina Bear was frozen in time after she ate the wicked witch's apple. Perhaps one day her knight in furry armor will come to save her and break the spell.

http://cupcakevigilante.blogspot.com

Zoe said...

I might be wrong but the cake with the tiny lamb may be a double wreck. Rosette is an odd name, maybe it was supposed to be congratulations and a rosette & Tom. With a tiny lamb as it's Easter.

Amanda said...

That last bear looks laid out for a funeral pier. Dearly departed...

Rob W. said...

On the first two, the real concern is the *placement* of the rattle...

bobolium said...

That second pic brings to life a scary reality...

OCTOBEAR!

NiteBabyNurse said...

The cake with the little lambie is perhaps both an engagement cake---and an explanation for the engagement. "yes, well...we have a, ah, tiny lamkins ah, in the oven." Clearly first timers; NEVER take home a THROAT-SIZED toy.

WV: dogg. Is that big icing creature really a frightened lamb or just a stunned poodle dogg?

Terrell

John and Sarah Sperry said...

Fur in my frosting. Sticky frosting on my new stuffed animal. Whose dumb idea was this!?

Jovi said...

Perfect for leaving little synthetic hairs on the icing!

India Drummond said...

Yuck.. that's like putting a used hair brush on a cake. (Tell me no one has done that.. please)

Melissa (& Billy) said...

The first one is actually one of the cuter CCC's I've ever seen on this site. Shock! Maybe because it actually looks something like a teddy bear?

As for the rest...I like stuffed animals. I like cake. I do not like them TOGETHER. 'nuff said.

Erin said...

But why is the first cake missing an ear? Whyyyyyyyyy?

Anonymous said...

And we gather today to pay our respects to Teddy Bear......

The last cake just screamed Teddy Bear funeral!

This site is affecting my brain. I was decorating a cake the other day. The instructions were "Please write "Congratulations XXXX on 20 years of service, call XXX-XXXX if you have questions." I really really wanted to put the phone number on the cake!
Susan

Anonymous said...

You beat me to it! I have a picture on my phone of a stuffed animal on a cake that I took the other day in Walmart up here in Ontario. Even my 3yo son can't figure it out. (but mommy...we can't EAT the toy, why is it there?)

Anonymous said...

Baby toy lamb on an engagement cake= gunshot wedding, anyone?

Jennapoofers said...

"the Plush & Flush Diet" ?! ROFLMAO

Anonymous said...

The first cake isn't missing an ear, it you look at the glare in that corner you will see the crescent points of the ear. It was just due to how the picture was taken.

Katie said...

Now, I wonder how you get the icing out of the fur of the animal so you can actually enjoy it.

Keeley said...

Hee hee, the vicious Venus Monkey Trapcake! Where can I get one?

wv: ancen--the Venus monkey trap cake will eat ants 'en bears too.

Keeley said...

Hey, am I the only one missing Saturday's post? Or did I miss an announcement too?

Silhouette said...

Used pregnancy sticks, plush toys, live goldfish...what is next?

I'm betting on live plants complete with a pot of dirt. I'd start with cactus. Nah, that's actually edible. Something poisonious.

john (the hubby of Jen) said...

Hey Keeley,

No, there just isn't one. We decided a couple months back that we needed a day of recovery from posting and we chose Saturday because it was the lowest traffic. We actually still feel like we're slacking but Jen's eye twitch has cleared up I no longer have the nightmares so there's that.

Wreck On!

john

Gary said...

Along with everybiody else, I have to say: JUST WHO is going to clean all the icing off of hose plush Epcots??!!?

The Venus Monkeytrap made me guffaw, though.

jengersnap said...

Oh my, ballerina bear just says "lying in state" all over that photo. Que images of Lenin under glass :P

Gary said...

Oops, I meant to type:
Along with everybody else, I have to say: JUST WHO is going to clean all the icing off of those plush Epcots??!!?

Stoich91 said...

I love the rattle/teether idea, because there's nothing I want to give my baby more than a cheap chew toy slathered in larded, over-sweetened frosting!

And! Good news, because it'll never, EVER wash out, so you get to keep that charming flavor year round. :D

Oh, and I think we can all agree that we're glad Jen's lost the eye twitch. We all understand how frustrating it must have been to type new posts with that affliction! :) lol

msyendor said...

love the venus trap cake. And considering the different, um, texture of the toy's middle to head and limbs, I'd say digestion/dissolution is well in progress. *blurg*

Gary said...

Jen said:
"... like goldfish, these things are growing to fill their containers."

I know your point wasn't really even about goldfish, but I can't let this go without refuting it. The myth that goldfish (or any fish) will "only grow to the size of their containers" has caused untold suffering for fish, because it convinces people that they can keep goldfish in a one-gallon (or even smaller) bowl. An adult goldfish is about a foot long, and the only way it stops growing before that size is if it dies, from being crammed into a tiny container, before the fish has a chance to get big. The normal lifespan of a goldfish is twenty years or more, but in bowls, most only live for a few weeks or months.

Sorry about the rant. Have some polyester-laced cake.

Anonymous said...

Bluk bluk bluk bluk bluk bluk bluk bluk bluk bluk

(that's the sound of someone trying to get-stuck together fur and icing off their tongue)

Stephanie said...

Now there's something I never expected to see... then again, you'd think I'd know to expect just about anything by now. I guess some people are more (oddly) creative than I am. :P

Cheri said...

The last one looks like Snow White in her glass coffin.

Susan/SC said...

I'm with Trevor - the last one looks like a deceased laid out for the visitation.

Havoc said...

The ones under plastic look like Lucy in her glass coffin in the movie Dracula!

Havoc said...

eww...they look like Lucy in her glass casket in Dracula.

wv: anebuoto...ugh...to grossed out to think of something funny.

Andi said...

Ahem...off topic here but goldfish do not grow to fit their containers. They just die because they are supposed to get bigger and can't.

Yes, I know I just did the mother of all obnoxious things but I'd rather help debunk that particular myth.

Jailbreak said...

If it's on a full sheet cake, it could look that small. nevertheless, the wreckerator could have done a better job filling the excess space. Also, the first cake, while requiring no decorating skill whatsoever, is still missing one ear.

MissMandy said...

The really funny thing for me is that the Ballerina cake has a stuffed animal on it that my mom and i sell for fund raising (we donate all proceeds to the CFF so we can find a cure for Cystic Fibrosis). it might not be the same, but it sure looks like it! see for yourself: http://www.plushland.com/detail.aspx?ID=374

and P.S. how the hell do you get the icing off the stuffed animal???

Anonymous said...

You know, the first CCC would be acceptable if the plastic trimmings and the rattle were all made of shortbread. The frosting is well done IMO.

Jenny Islander

Word verification: rergenzy. The state of mind induced by trying to imagine someone eating some of these cakes.

Melis said...

heheheh... the first one is a POO bear!

Naomi said...

Not only does this trend disturb me greatly, but they won't even allow donations of stuffed animals at the childrens hospitals because of potential germs etc. You know these toys are not being washed first.... I would also like to know whats up with the piping on the side of the Venus monkeytrap cake? Talk about a lazy way to ice a cake!!!

Barb said...

I tried to go to this site at work today (I'm a teacher), and it was blocked. The reason? "Hate and discrimination." Is it really that wrong to "hate" and discriminate against things that are awful? I think not. :)

Sarah said...

Plush and flush - priceless!

Sarah C said...

Funny stuff! Did you notice that the first cake is missing one of the plastic ears as well?

Rachel said...

I agree with Jennifer it's just gross! The first one was cute enough... for a ccc but where was his other ear? And the last one reminded me of a body in a casket! Wow!

Ashley said...

God gravy. That last cake looks like a coffin for the poor bear.

sendingtheclowns said...

"Just how big is this cake?"
you ask?

Okay. It IS large...for a cake.
BUT. What we have here is a failure to communicake.
This is actually a CRIB MATTRESS, still in the shipping box, having been just delivered to the expectant couple ("Rosette" and "Tom")--which is why they're being congratulated.
Now they get to scrape about 10 pounds of frosting off the thing (eating it is optional), keep the toy for the kid, and go on to live happily ever after.
~~The End~~

=^u.u^=

Fanboy Wife said...

Who would want a toy that has frosting stuck to it and who would want a cake with fake fur stuck to the frosting?

sendingtheclowns said...

Don't complain about the "Suprise" cake *too* much, folks...

After all, they DID knock the price down because of that missing "r."

It would have been $25.00 instead of $24.99.

Is that a deal or what.

=^e.e^=

Sharkface said...

WORST IDEA EVER!

What the heck!?

Ai said...

Who would have thought it would be so difficult to arrange cupcakes around a central axis.

One cupcake in the middle to start, arrange more cupcakes around it like so... repeat the fundamental idea until you end up with a shape that sort of resembles what you're aiming for.

I just don't get how these... "decorators" can arrange them into staggered lines and not see what they're doing wrong.

IT VEXES ME. Who hires these people? And why was the second bear CCC poo colored? Ewwww.

Amanda said...

The last ballerina bear looks as if she's laid out for her funeral viewing. Disturbing.

Arlene said...

Oh that last one looks like someone received a dead ballerina bear on their cake. Nice. If I was the kid I would shriek my head off lol. Plus on that lamb cake is it "suprise" you will have no teeth left if you bite into this thing? Spelling must go out with your teeth on that one.

Jo-Anne said...

Just like the goldfish growing to fill the space (not really!) that second CCC is like a gas that is expanding to fill the space...the poor little cupcake molecules are losing their coercivity and dissolving into a sheet of entropy!

Catherine said...

I'm currently finding it most amusing to imagine the "suprise boy/girl?" cake is a shower cake for parents expecing an intersex child. Somehow that makes it more bearable......

Jessica said...

I am so tired of fricken lazy teddy bears... always just lyin' around like a lump. I thought that cakes were the only place we could be safe from these lethargic freeloaders. I was wrong.

Red Wolf said...

That second cake (the first wrecky one) looks like Teddy Ruxpin on steroids!
WV: suchrat. I'm not even going there.

Noni Mausa said...

Of course, the Law of Babies says "Everything goes in the mouth," but do we need to encourage them?

bread said...

I really thought the joke about the first picture was going to be about how the rattle handle is placed like the bear's vagina and out pops the baby bear's head.

But I guess I was wrong. :)

Miranda said...

Spooky glass coffin of DOOOOOOMMMMM!!! Ballerina Bear has passed away!

...until at night, she rises again! Muwahahahahaha!!!

rachel tsunami said...

Hm. Last pic. Dead bear.

These people are stupid, sick or both.

Erin said...

Cuz I love a little stuffed animal fur on my cake AND a little frosting on my stuffed animals! That's 2 levels of gross!

BigMomma said...

Mr bear
Oct 2009-April 2010

Our sweet Mr. Bear went to that teddy bear picnic in the sky early Tuesday morning in a tragic bakery accident where he suffocated after falling into a frosted cake. He lead a short life but had recently fell in love and married a loaf of bread he met while working in the bakery. He is survived in death by his wife and two bear claws. Funeral services with be held Thursday morning behind the Wrecky bakery next to the dumpster. Cake to be served after.

Christine Fiscer, Traditional Midwife said...

The very first one is missing an ear. ;)

Anonymous said...

The small 'e' on the end of Rosette's name is properly scaled to the toy, if not to the cake.

Someone suggested that 'rosette' was a cakewreck instruction to place a rosette on the cake. I agree and add that possibly "tom" was an instruction to also place a tomb on the cake, for the little rattle.

Also... in ballet it is "pointe". Obviously you haven't paid thousands of dollars each year to have your child take dance lessons.

sendingtheclowns said...

Anonymous said...

"... in ballet it is "pointe". Obviously you haven't paid thousands of dollars each year to have your child take dance lessons.
*****
Punny you should be so picky...
Hey, look on the bright side: at least all that spent money is making you a stellar speller!

=^~.-^=

Felis said...

If you look -really- closely at the sides of the Rosette&Tom cake, it looks like it is a baby shower cake. I can see the plastic strip they stuck to the sides as part of the decoration. I hate those! They never fit right. And now you have plastic to peel off which will pull off all the icing on the sides, too. Why did the toykit-makers have to come up with this idea?

Pinnywearer said...

Surprise boy and a grey sheep? $24.99? Sheesh! Were the recipients surprised they'd had a baby or that it was a boy? Either way, the splatted sheep is just weird. Why a sheep? Why? Why? Why?

Pinnywearer

Kristy said...

Why? Why would you put a stuffed toy in icing?

Gross, not to mention messy. Fur in icing, icing in fur. . .it's all bad.

Monica said...

"Mom, why does my birthday cake have hair on it?"

*Phhtoooie*

Honestly, who in their right mind thought that a STUFFED ANIMAL was a good topper for a CAKE? It's just more proof that combining two good things does not automatically make them better.

Allysa said...

as always.. highly entertaining. you never cease to please me :-) and I am SOOOO scared to screw up after seeing all your pics! Yikes! LOL

BADKarma! said...

1) The "lamb" on the baby shower cake looks more like a teacup poodle. YUMMERS!

2) The bear on that last cake is clearly being sacrificed in a cute, girly Satanic ritual...

Julie said...

The sensible, sanitary, sane bear looks like it has a gun pointed at it!

Anonymous said...

I think bear #2 looks like Princess Leia.

Love your site!

Alexandra said...

Bruce Willis - I'm still laughing!!

ThatDeborahGirl said...

All except for the first cake, this post is spot on. The first one actually got an "awww" out of me. Every cake can't be a decorator's dream and that one would be passable for me for a kids cake if the occasion weren't too special. Maybe a teacher bringing cupcakes to class or something.

Anonymous said...

I use Kuddable Kake bears, they come with a plastic tray to protect the cake and the animal. They are having new animals all the time and they are the perfect size.
Vanessa.

Anonymous said...

I really want to free those poor animals - they look trapped under the plastic tops

Anonymous said...

I wouldn't lick the icing off of some dirty stuffed animal's butt for 1,000 dollars!

Olivia

P.S. if somebody did pay me that much I probably would, but my point is... that's disgusting!

Anonymous said...

Awww, I had the first cake for my baby shower :( I really liked it. It had both ears though, and the little rattle was not just placed on the icing! I still have it, my lil mans' first toy.