Thursday, January 21, 2010

New Year's Diet Aid

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Did you know that 89.3% of New Year's resolution diets FAIL in just 3 weeks?

No?

Well, that's probably because I made that stat up. (FACT: 63.4% of statistics are made up on the spot.)

I'm pretty sure most diets do fail, though, on account of their requiring you to eat significantly smaller portions of cake - and, let's face it, that's a trade-off no one wants to make.

Still, for you foolhardy few trudging on in blatant defiance of Mother Nature, your genetics, and the Baskin Robbins large chocolate Oreo shake, here are some motivational visuals sure to make you lose your appetite, if not that spare tire.

Imagine semi-congealed cement. With a chaser of pond scum. And a dead, flattened snake.

Now, imagine washing that all down with a niiice, cold glass of milk.

Feeling motivated yet?




I bet this cake would taste really wet. And Reddi-Whip-ee. And...silk flowery.


This next one has a dual purpose: it will make you want to avoid cake and a career in proctology.


I have no words. And, frankly, the only thing that could follow this up would be...well, this:

(C'mon, bakers, really? Chocolate poo swirled icing AND strawberry syrup? Really?)

I feel I should warn you: this next cake will guarantee you'll never, EVER, want sprinkles again.

Well, at least not chocolate sprinkles. Yech.

And if you're still not convinced:

This is one hairy situation, guys. A very public, hairy situation. Not good.


Sometimes you don't need icing or sprinkles to Wreck a cake, though. Sometimes, all you need is a can of fruit filling.

I am never eating blueberries again.


Hannah C., Ellysa C., Cynthia M., Johanna., Julie & Chris B., Jessica G., & Julia S., with cakes like these, who needs Weight Watchers?


- Related Wreckage: I Think I'll Have the Salad Today

RSS Feed Update: Due to excessive internet thievery (boo, spam blogs!) I've finally had to pull the plug on our full RSS feed. We're still tinkering and experimenting with options, though, so please bear with us!
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Taylor@MyOlderBrothers said...

Half of those cakes look like they're moving!

Suzie said...

I swear. No lies. My brain erased the "L" in Public on the hairy cake. I had to re-read it 4 times before the L appeared.

Anne said...

Thank you. You just saved me from that cake craving I had. Now, if only the scale would also magically drop a pound in appreciation.

Kate in Italy said...

That blueberry 'dollop' looks disturbingly like oversized caviar. Because when I think Cake, I immediately think Fish Eggs. A completely normal, every day train of thought, am I right?

CSOTgacko said...

The Chad mouse dropping cake makes me shudder - and I used to keep pet mice!

Lisa

joyce said...

wow---and I used to like frozen blueberries to cool down...

all that rat cake needs is a cockroach or two

Pam said...

Ewwww..just ewwww..
I may not want to eat anything today, but especially not cake.

Poor Impulse Control said...

Pie > cake, anyway. This post only confirms the horrors that people have to endure with this silly leavened pastry.

:)

JHill said...

Horrible, horrible, horrible. I can't unfreeze my face from the "I'm about to yak" expression. Horrible.

Betty said...

Oh dear. Oh my. Holy bakeroni. I am often amused, sometimes perplexed, and occasionally grossed out, but you managed to start my morning with all three at once! Thank you!

Nikki said...

Well, so much for breakfast. And lunch. And dinner. For the rest of the week.

The Smart Cookie Bakery said...

I think the mouse poo one is kinda creative, although disgusting. :D

Mike Owens said...

Whatever baker "produced" cake #4 should really make an appointment to visit the recipient of cake #3.

I also read "a very public (without the L) hairy situation" the first time.

Half Assed Kitchen said...

Decorators think they can slap any old piece of poo under clear plastic and it will look fancy. They're wrong.

momcat said...

Oh my lord! The intestines cake totally got me. Why, why, why?

Leslie said...

The rat cake actually made me smile. I've had pet hamsters for many years and my friends did something similar with the sprinkles on my cake and then said "Oh your hams helped us decorate it". If it had had a fake rat on it, it may have been a different story though.

And Suzie, my brain did the same thing on Public. Natural connection I'm guessing? Bleh.

Stephanie said...

Note to self: do not read Cake Wrecks just after eating. Those are NASTY!

Sharon said...

Are those real rocks on that icing glopped snake in the jungle cake?

And what's the red stuff? Icing jalapenos?

Miranda said...

AAAHHHHH!!! O vile. O vile. O vile.

Amy said...

Are those STICKERS on the bum cake?!?

Kelly said...

I see...

1) the result of mixing Play-Doh colors,

2) popcorn and writing on phlegm,

3) a horrific skin condition,

4) too much fiber?,

5) a very smart rat,

6) an unnecessary "l" in the commentary, and

7) fish eggs - because no blueberry should sit in that much mucous.

Carol said...

I think I just lost my appetite for the rest of the day, thanks...I need to lost a pound or two.

And off-topic...in case you haven't been to Jacob's site in awhile, he had a rough night with having to be intubated for being unresponsive. He is doing better this morning, but needs all the prayers he can get to try and get into a new clinical trial. http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/jacobmatthewtaylor/journal

SAM said...

GROSS!
GROSS!
GROSS!

tonkelu said...

My 4-year old just announced, "Those cakes are not beautiful." I'd like to add that they are completely disturbing. *shudder*

Kiraela said...

Wow. Is it just me, or is that first cake on a bed of spaghetti? I mean, it was gross enough before, but when you add in the potential for cold, soggy-yet-hard pasta?




WV: Myodyes: If I showed my grandmother this wreck, she'd mutter, "Myodyes hurt now. I need my glasses."

~ugly girl with a beautiful heart~ said...

I think I just puked a little.

Tigerwolf said...

#1. Snake ‘n’ basil soufflé FTW!!!

#2. It’s pineapple URP-side down cake!

#3. “I said BUNDT cake! BUNDT!!!

#4. “Honey, I think we need to take the cat to the vet!”

#5. For a mouse, that’s pretty nice penmanship.

#6. No-no-no-no-no. Not going there, Dr. Freud. But thank you, anyway.

#7. Well, you’d choke on your blueberries, too, if you saw the previous cakes in this post.

^..^
Tigerwolf

Mary Connealy said...

I actually lost a little weight just reading this blog. Nice work.

http://mconnealy.blogspot.com/

Kimberly Chapman said...

Feh, I read that the number of fake statistics is up to 78.4%.

What's really sad about the butt cake is that it looks like someone actually tried on that one.

I had to retrieve some old cutters out of a box from the garage a few weeks ago and when I went out there, for a moment I thought, "How did all those chocolate sprinkles get on the TOP of the box?" Then I clued in. Ew. Even though the box was intact and there were no "sprinkles" inside, I still boiled the cutters. I can't imagine trying to eat a cake that reminds me of that.

WV: pikiesco: Pikies Co is the company that makes all of that plastic flotsam-on-a-stick for jamming into cakes by lazy decorators.

Becky said...

I bet most of us will skip the L in public when gazing on that work of awfulness.

Anonymous said...

Are those STICKERS on that ass-cake? STICKERS???

LeftWingLock said...

Damn them for ruining sprinkles!!!!!

WV = styringi: That's some styringi looking sprynklies on that "public" cake!

Anonymous said...

The rat poo cake made me laugh out loud. It's hilarious in a completely disgusting way. I wish I could have seen Chad's face. Maybe he works for an exterminator.

Amy said...

I just want to thank you... I sat here laughing out loud at these cakes and especially your commentary, and there's no better way to start my day. I look forward to Cake Wrecks every morning. Thanks for all you do!

mary anne said...

What is the bloody poo cake even supposed to be? Aside from a subtle hint you need more fiber in your diet, of course.

Anonymous said...

What did Chad DO DO to deserve a rat poo cake?

Flartus said...

Congratulations! You have just posted the Most Disgusting CakeWrecks to date! The Wreckporter who captured the red-stained poo slab deserves special recognition.

To repeat, YUCK!

Laura Dotson-Thomson said...

I am glad my stomach is empty. I was thinking breakfast, but now I'm just feeling ill... good grief!

WV: burnal, as in we should burnal these cakes immediately!

Terry Lee said...

that arse cake is atrocious!! is that supposed to be an astronaut (landing on the moon) or a physician about to take the plunge?

and did anyone else dare to click on that thing? tramp-stamp aside, that is one disgusting piece of, er, cake. ack!!

Lauren Borquez said...

I'm having a very hard time trying to determine which makes me the most sick! Lets just say that I will soooo be sticking to my diet at lunch!

Anonymous said...

Oh, oh oh... I just might throw-up! And the result would be prettier than those cakes!
The first one actually reminded me of changing my son's diaper after he discovered that he loves spinach.

Onyx said...

Once again you have given me something to smile about. And this was after a morning with juniot hi students complaining about their work load!

Julie said...

Just for a brief second, I thought your description of cake #6 said (in part), "a very PUBIC, hairy situation"

Perhaps that was done on purpose, perhaps not. Either way, WELL DONE! :)

Sarah said...

I am really puzzled by the shiny, slimy "cake". It's gross on so many levels, but what IS that thing among the silk flowers? The fuzzy, dusty blob? I can't get my head around it.

jo said...

I am in the midst of a weight loss competition with my neighbors. So, thanks for the help!

1) mm. moldy cake with snake. and GREEN. how can green vegetables NOT look appetizing after that? (for those that hate veggies)

2) do silk flowers count as roughage?

3) "man lands on the moon" has a whole new meaning for me. and this reminds me how dieters wonder "does my butt look fat"? more motivation.

4) bloody poop or intestines? you decide. (meanwhile what the heck is it SUPPOSED to be? and is it only icing and jelly? no cake? yuck)

5) Does Chad have a rodent problem in his apartment? How supportive of his friends. At least we know where NOT to eat. (Must admire the fine motor skills of the decorator to spell out his name in sprinkles.)

6) get thee to a hot wax specialist! hair? or maggots...

7) the jelly on those blueberries makes it look fish or amphibian eggs. yuck....

Anonymous said...

hey, kids, you KNOW Jen is messing with your minds on the public/pubic comment. She hedged her bets that if she wrote "public," you'd think, "pubic." because that is what it looks like. right, Jen?

wv: combi--apparently what cake #6 needs!

Anonymous said...

Sharon, they actually make a candy decoration that looks like rocks like that. I had them on my daughters' beach themed cake. but we could always wonder. I mean, silk flowers? not everyone is very resourceful....

Rachel said...

Is that seriously just a bunch of globs of chocolate frosting? I mean, I eat cake mostly for the frosting, but seriously? That's just shameless.

Al, Wendy, Max, and Lil said...

I saw "pubic" as well! How did our brains do that? All of these are HORRENDOUS!!!

The Boob Nazi said...

I was about to eat breakfast. I have no desire now. Thanks for helping me keep my diet.

Nichols said...

Does that backside-hillside actually have "stickers" on the cake???? Really, people, really??

Anonymous said...

LOL @ Kelly and Tigerwolf

Meanwhile, I just double-clicked on the bundt, err, butt cake.

That IS a doctor about to take the plunge! looks like he's wearing a face mask and hair cap and possibly a stethoscope! I mean, it's "doctor blue," too, after all.

gross. tramp stamp stickers! ick

wv: messi--these cakes are very messi

Amanda Mac said...

Would someone kindly tell me what the red-covered poo is actually supposed to be?

No? You don't know, either?

Oh, well, then... glad I started my diet today!

Anonymous said...

You really should have put a note at the top discouraging viewers who are facing morning sickness. I'm about to lose it!

Mrs. Flax said...

Pretty sure that's an Indiana Jones action figure (my son has this one) with a Breast Cancer Awareness flag taped to his sword standing on the ass. I have no words.

Anonymous said...

For some reason, this is like the fourth time in two days that I've seen that stupid "xx% of statistics are made up" joke.

Sue said...

Wow- some of these are simple... no, ALL of these cakes are simply gross! They are NOT funny, they would appeal to only extremely weird people and turn the rest of the guest's stomachs over! Seriously, who would order that and who would make that for someone? In good faith knowing my name goes out the door with that cake- I would never let a cake like those leave my bakery!

Tainda said...

I LOVE the mouse poo cake! lol

Rebecca said...

You never fail to make me hurl. The cakes, I mean.
I'll never have cake again.

JelliDonut said...

Glad I came here on an empty stomach. Gaaaaaaa!

f_h_stephens said...

Seriously BLEUAGHHHHHCH. The poo and the barfy blueberries were the worst.

Anonymous said...

that first cake is surely the gone off aftermath of a botched autopsy

- makes the poo and public hair cakes look almost edible

Anonymous said...

So. Glad. I. Skipped. Breakfast. Nuf. Said.

Melissa said...

"A very public, hairy situation."

You, Ma'm, are EVIL. Pure EVIL. It's just EVIL to mess with our pristine little minds like that. EVIL, I tell you.

P.S. Do you give lessons?

Kristers said...

I am betting some of these cakes were made by decorators who were told "You're fired...now finish up what you're doing, hand in your apron and get out!" And they thought "Oh I'll finish decorating alright...." Gotta be.

Michelle said...

Many of your diet cakes have grossed me out, but I think this is the first post that actually made me queasy. Awesome.

Anonymous said...

I always tell my grandfather that 89% of statistics are made up on the spot. And so my train of thought has just allowed me to reframe the three dead mice I found in his garage last week (*shudder*) as 'the Chad Incident.'

So thanks, CW, you've helped me overcome a trauma today, believe it or not.

Jess said...

Only the header shows up in my Google Reader feed for this post, btw. Normally the whole post will show.

Erin said...

oh my goodness those are gross.

Robyn said...

Todd Snyder fan, eh?

Anonymous said...

Chad is the name of a boy I didn't get along with in school at all, so from now on I'll picture sending him this cake and smile...

Alisa said...

Remind me to never, ever read this blog on my lunch break again. Not good...notttt goooooood.

Flea said...

Seriously? SERIOUSLY? I didn't make any New Year's resolutions, and I'm not trying to lose weight (I need to, desperately), but I may not eat for a week now.

Caroline B said...

I thought I had a fairly strong stomach when it comes to cake (yum!) but the hairy one and that last frogspawn affair have finally made me queasy.....they just beg the question WHY?

WV:Spidson - who spidson dese cakes?

cadylee said...

Ugh, the blueberries look like frog eggs! Also, with the hairy cake, it reminded me of a situation in high school where I was reading about pubic hair and misread it "public hair." Conversely, I misread "public" in the hairy cake description.

Leslie said...

New Year's Diet Aid: 60% of the time it works every time.

duffylou said...

I honestly guffawed then stopped, guffawed then stopped between a couple of the cakes. Hilarious and horrifying as I scrolled down. Wow. Just wow.

YogaGal in the NW said...

The blueberry cake is the MOST HORRIFYING CAKE I've ever seen on this blog. Seriously. I keep choking back the bile thinking about it. UGGGGHHH!

Dharmamama said...

Ugh. I have the flu today... I'm really, really glad I hadn't attempted to eat before I came here!

WHAT is that red swirl supposed to be on the snake cake? Is it... is it... the result of flattening the snake?

I'm going back to bed.

Albatross said...

I can't make up my mind which one is most disgusting!

Jacobi said...

Why, oh why, is the "dirty bottom" cake surrounded by a string of pearls??

Anonymous said...

Did you intentionally make it impossible to read your posts via rss reader? All your feed shows is post titles now and no posts. I hope not because you'll lose this reader if so. And likely many others. :(

Etiquette Bitch said...

all I can think of upon viewing CW3 is: "I climbed your ass." What's weirder is that the "climber" has a flag with one of those charity ribbons on it...that seems to be... black?

Mira said...

Ok srsly, I may bookmark this and look at it when I get late night munchies. That 2nd one looked like it was iced with boogers OH god I'm going to hurl...

Lucky Larson's said...

My two year old looking at this with me said "yuck" and "blah" at every cake--even little ones understand the yuckyness of this post!!

The pale observer said...

Today's entries were particularly gross!! Keep them coming! I'll visit the site whenever I have a sweets craving. This stuff will curb it for sure.

I shake my head incredulous at some of them...

Amy said...

Okay, the bloody poo cake is disgusting.

And I too, thought you left the "l" out of "public"..

Ugh
Amy B-H

Rebecca Knight said...

That *moist* 2nd cake really did me in O_o. GAH! It reminds me of Peter Pan where Cap'n Hook is trying to poison the lost boys by leaving a cake out in the rain...

EW.

Marie said...

Those are some of the most disgusting creations I have ever seen. And I saw it right before lunch. GAck! Diet started.

Nona said...

Wow thanks for nothing, I love cake but these make me not want any for a while!!

Stacie said...

That was bad. Like really, really bad.

wv: harbers. I now harbers bad feelings toward slimey, spinach-y, butt-cakes.

Anonymous said...

Wow.

I mean...

WOW.

I think I need therapy now.

Yep. I am seriously disturbed by those images.

-RosieLB

sendingtheclowns said...

Speaking (overandoverandover) of "poo," I need to ask: Has anyone here NOT seen at least one of the hundreds of renditions of a "LITTER BOX CAKE"?
If not, Google it, then buckle up and hold onto your gag reflex, because they are unbelievable. I can't even begin to scratch the surface of trying to describe them...they are sure to turn guests into party poopers in a whiz.
Go on, look it up~~I dare ya.
>^ee^<

Anonymous said...

Yes please, make sure we can see your posts through our RSSreaders. It may be a only a little extra step we have to take, but it's one extra steps I refuse to take with other sites. I don't want to have to give up on CW too!

Julie McMahon

Bin said...

Not only is the butt cake "personalized" with paper tattoos, it looks for all the world like the decorator put a bunch of moles all over ON PURPOSE! It might just be a really sloppy fondant job, but that's not what it looks like...

laura. said...

i'm nauseous. wow.

jess said...

The old-man-ass cake is so bad.
I love the little doctor about to jump in to the...umm...err...'great beyond'.

sunlizzard said...

O.M.G. I just had fresh blueberries for breakfast; I'm not sure they aren't about to make an, umm, reappearance. :( I seriously didn't think it was possible to make blueberries look disgusting! Wow. Just... these cakes are..... wordfail!

Senta Claws said...

Those blueberries look like frog spawn. blergh.

Cornhusker said...

Has anyone heard the song "We praise the colorectal surgeon"? Seems fitting today...

KellyGrrl said...

the blueberries seriously look like someone swallowed the whole and then coughed them back up.... Ugh! I already hated blueberries, but this further cements that.... What is wrong with these people?!?!

Anonymous said...

Oh. My. God. These are the nastiest cakes ever posted here for SURE. The watery blueberries . . . the pubic hair . . . ugh. But my favorite is the decorator's interpretation of what happened to the Garden of Eden after Adam and Eve were expelled. Looks like it turned into a pretty rough neighborhood.

Liz in Seattle

Erica said...

Another vote to pleeeease bring back the full RSS feed!

Melissa (& Billy) said...

*runs screaming*

See? Very effective. Not only do I not eat the cake, I get exercise running away from it!

R.E. Wolf said...

Aaaaaaand there goes my lunch appetite!

Hope said...

Wow...you've shown some nasty cakes before, but this post literally made me vomit. Yuck City.

lisadh said...

Some of the yuckiest wrecks ever.

Score!!

andygirl said...

I think I just threw up in my mouth a little

Anonymous said...

Ew, is that last one supposed to be frog eggs or something?

WV: undiesp. Heh.

girlnblack77 said...

With the last one, I can see how it looks like caviar, but... my first thought was, "What the heck is in that petri dish?!"
Yum. Let's have science experiments for dessert. :P

Miriam @ Blondepoodle said...

Yep pretty sure I'm not going to want to eat anything for the rest of the day now.

The Black Dog said...

Well this killed the cake craving, but now it's been replaced with a cupcake craving *goes off to look at bad CCC's*

Mrs. Fix said...

Yuck, yuck, extra yuck.

Jenn said...

Hi there,

I am very disappointed about you taking the full RSS feed down, I enjoy the quick break at work, without having to load the full page.

Tamara Mitchell said...

Am I the only one that thinks that those bluberries look like wet rabbit poop?!


WV: reealc; the sound you make when you hurl after seeing these cakes!

spottheblogger said...

Booo on the RSS thieves.

I think the first cake is actually really well done. Look at the details of the forest! I bet it was done for a boy who has a snake. I could see boys who are SO tired of girly cakes with "blue flowers" for boys just diving into that one. I bet the boy told his mother she was the best mother ever!

Rayli said...

Those cakes made me nauseous. I was eating a bowl of cereal and suddenly feel sick.

Dawnspring said...

The first thing I thought when seeing the proctology cake was "What What In The Butt" and now I can't get that song out of my head!! (google it)

I Heart the rat poo cake. It's wrecky but FUNNY! My family has always had pet rats and I've worked with a local Rat rescue and adoption agency here recently. I think this cake would be great for one of their events!! I'll also have to remember that cake for my Sis's birthday. Rats are her favorite animal.

M + D said...

I gave you a Happy 101 award :) Thanks for your amazing cake posts!
www.sweetnpink.blogspot.com
xoxo

Dawnspring said...

Sendingtheclowns: I've made one of those Litter Box Cakes before. I brought it to work for a Halloween party and it was a huge hit. Two of the guys were even fighting over the tootsie roll 'poo'!

I guess it just has to do with people's senses of humor and what they find gross. I actually don't think any of today's Wrecks gross. (What's gross to me are the preggo torsos and sonogram baby shower cakes. I cannot fathom why anyone would want a slice of C-Section cake!)

Anonymous said...

I've read your book.

I've read your blog.

I've never felt compelled to actually leave a comment until now:

That is the most epic bloody poop cake I have ever seen.

WOW.

Teague said...

Would everyone just shut up about the missing RSS feed? It's one extra click! And if you don't like it because you don't have access at work, shame on you for using work time to surf the web.

Trenches of Mommyhood said...

"A very public, hairy situation"
Didn't you mean to say "pubic"?! Heh.

Anonymous said...

You know, the hairy cake reminds me of the scene from "American Wedding." you know the one--when he shaves his privates and shakes the bath mat out the window, and the hair gets sucked in through the kitchen exhaust fan--all over the cake.

yum.

btw, I guess it's easier to eat the cake if you get a slice of it without having to see where it came from/what it looked like before.

Anonymous said...

Okay, this one takes the cake for me ... take my portion, please ... ugh! :-)

Linders said...

Those blueberries remind me of the Chinese pearl drink. The tapioca pearls that they add to the bottom of your beverage. Ha ha ha.

Anonymous said...

I'm thinking that colon surgery went really, really wrong.

wv- ungaffi: an attempt to take back a truly wrong-headed cake wreck.

Bek said...

pass the bucket.

::baaaaaaaaaaaaarf::

thanks, all bett... oh, wait, nope...

::huuuuurl::

I think... Oh. No. It just keeps happening!

Seriously some of the grossest cakes I've ever seen. Snot rocket blueberries. Yum.

SiriusSchwartz said...

Oh man, those are the most disgusting cakes I've ever seen. Even grosser than the poo cakes you featured not too long ago.

With some wrecks, I can see what the wreckerator was going for, with these? Not. A. Clue.

These will haunt my dreams, to be sure.

TheGood said...

TheGoodbyeGirl

yikes! those are vile.

The top one looks like its used real stones, and its brown/black under the green.

the only saving grace was that the lice/pubes one was a very tiny picture :)

I adore this site, plus its somehow inspired me to try baking.

TGG

Anonymous said...

Guess no one ever told the wreckorator that "public hair should not be pubic." Or vice versa.

And has anyone ever ordered blueberry pancakes and they hand you plain pancakes covered in pie filling instead? That was only half as disgusting as that last cake, and I think that's really saying something.

Anonymous said...

Dawnspring: I am a professional decorator and have made my share of litter box cakes as well at customers' requests. If people stand around saying "Oh, gross...", then I know I've done my job of creating a realistic cake, and earned the money I was paid. There are rarely any leftovers, either :)
And in defense of decorators, while there is no excuse for a truly bad decorating job, we can't be held totally responsible for the content of cakes. We provide a service and while I might try to guide my customers in a better direction if their taste is questionable, they are ultimately paying me and they get what they want...even if it is a plastic rat and rat poo sprinkles :)
Irene

JJ Sobey said...

looking forward to you fixing your RSS feed. 'cause I just don't click through.

Alison said...

Truly disgusting display today; kudos! FYI, your photos are not showing up in my RSS feed; don't know if you made changes or not, but thought I'd let you know.

mrs. q. said...

Good LORD! Did someone sneeze out those blueberries? I hope it's not the same person who had the giant bloody poop. Get thee to a physician, pronto.

Anonymous said...

The cutting off of the RSS feed makes me sad, as it was my favourite way of getting my daily dose of wreckage... but, ultimately, you've gotta do what's best for the site and for yourselves.

As to the wrecks... that second one looks kinda like a mutant, drooling toffee sponge...

Anonymous said...

The second cake looks very much like a treacle sponge pudding and they are scrumptious.

Erin said...

Add me to the list of people who don't particularly like having to click through to get to the page. I prefer the RSS feed because it is cleaner -- no background graphics, no sidebar graphics, no header graphics, no comments -- just the post content -- and that makes it easier to read and less likely to trigger a migraine.

Robin said...

As a dyed-in-the-wool New Englander, I have to say this. Those are not blueberries. Those are bloated, cultivated monstrosities. Blueberries are the size of peas and have more flavor than water. [/snob]

That said, I don't want to eat any of the other ones either. Well done, Jen.

WV: isold -- I'd have to say that the frosting on that snake cake isold.

Maria said...

Holy cow! ROF...the rat cake took the well...cake! YUCKCKCKCKCK

SzélsőFa said...

omg, this is some collection here.
love, love this blog. keep up the good and the disgusting coming. I do love those beautiful cakes and yes, I love those wrecks, too.

in this post, there was one 'l' (letter L) too much in 'public hair' - just to increase the yikes factor, y'all.

Amy said...

Wow...I just have no words. Okay, yes I do. WHAT were the poo cakes SUPPOSED to be? E-gad!

AmyM in NC

Sabrina said...

wow. The horror is almost too much for me to even comprehend right now.

michael said...

@anonymous @ 11:08 AM
Calling Jen stupid is not cool. not cool at all.

@anonymous @ 11:54
Jen explained the RSS change in the post. Blame the thieves, not the authors. It's really not that difficult to open a browser page after you get the feed letting you know it is posted.

@all anonymi:
complaining and not signing your name is cowardly and reduces your credibility.

WATERBABY CHRISTINE said...

I thought the first was someone's idea of a cake for vegetarians - I see cauliflower and broccoli and a nice slice of red pepper. And loved the "man on the moon" cake!

E.M. Green said...

Wait, will that mean that my bookmark will no longer work?

Wendy said...

Ok, so i'm pretty sure i'm the only one who thought of anal beads when she saw the decoration around the ass cake.

Melissa said...

Awww, Leslie.
I have pet rats and I thought the rat cake was cute. Why is it not as cute with a rattie? Admittedly, that's not a very cute fake rat. ;)

I made my old roomie cupcakes that were pink iced with pink sugar sprinkles topped with little sculpted marzipan rats! They were so cute. :)

Anonymous said...

*gag* Cake number is the exact reason why i hated (and still do) being forced to eat veggies during dinner

Riley said...

It's not often that I'm glad to be gluten-intolerant, and therefore unable to eat most cakes ...

Thanks for showing me the silver lining, Jen!

Aimee said...

Ack! The full post didn't show up in my blog reader. Tell me you didn't limit the feed? I automatically unsubscribe from blogs that make me click though - even the awesome ones like yours. I'll still visit, just not very often. I hope you reconsider!

Anonymous said...

oh my god, th e4th one looks like blood covered feces =0

sunkrux said...

I think I threw up a little in my mouth.

Side note: I wondered why no images showed up on live journal. No worries I can follow links like no one's business. :D

sendingtheclowns said...

@ Dawnspring:
That is too cool! I've truly wanted to try one myself, just to see if I could eat any of it with my eyes (or mouth, for that matter) open! But something about displaying the whole lovely mess in a REAL plastic litter box, and the partially-melted (and kinda shiny) Tootsie Rolls...served with a (supposedly never-been-used) REAL pooper scooper... uuhhhhhh...
I have a cast iron stomach for most things, but the ones I've seen look just a tad too real, especially if you live with the real deal.
Which would be cats, and poop.
But I agree with you on the C-section cakes.
That's just tacky.
>^~.~^<

John and Sarah Sperry said...

Wow, those cakes actually made me not want to eat them--and they're CAKE!

So sad.

Anonymous said...

Those are the worst cakes ever. I can understand the mis-spellings, the messed up "punctuation", and the tragic color choices. But these are just hideous from the word go.

WV: cryingeo - an involuntary response to horrible visual stimuli, cryingeo involves simultanously crying, cringing, and saying "Ohhh".

Procrastinateher said...

Thanks for the thought, but unfortunately these pictures won't help me - semi-congealed cement with pond scum and poo-shaped sugary goodness is my favourite meal!

MrsTiara said...

Fact: my pregnancy induced nausea was 93.2% worse after looking at today's post. But you're SO FUNNY that I can't look away. Darn you Jen!

Contemporary Troubadour said...

*Gag*

*Choke*

*Gurgle*

*Heave*

I want to say "Can it get any worse?" but I already know the answer!

(Word verification: exess)

Stuff On My Blog said...

LOL I actually LIKE Chad's rat cake... if only because we have pet rats and my soon to be 6yo would laugh himself silly ;) Maybe Chad IS a 6yo rat keeper? I guess we can hope hehe.

Linda said...

Too funny - I think my fave is the one with the rat and the sprinkles. Your site always makes my day! :)

P.U. said...

The best. Ever.

Anne said...

Obligatory whining about RSS feed ganking.

Anonymous said...

I just threw up in my mouth a little, and then laughed a lot 'til I choked.

Anonymous said...

Bravo Tigerwolf and Kelly!

Linz said...

"This is one hairy situation, guys. A very public, hairy situation. Not good."

Did you purposely use the word public so that at a quick glance it could be mistaken for pubic? ;)

Rusty and Bandit said...

Eeeewwww. . .bloody poo cake, chocolate sprinkles, nasty fish egg looking blueberries. . .I will have nightmares for a week.
Anna Marie

jj said...

lol@ Wendy--

Maybe yes, maybe no. But the point is, we're ALL thinking it now. :P

Wow, John and Jen, people sure are serious about not being able to obtain their FREE entertainment during WORKING hours! Who knew...

Carrie Miller said...

How could you not have saved the boar's head cake to put in this post? It would have been perfectly at home in this "OMG!!! WTF!!!" genre.

john (the hubby of Jen) said...

Hey all,

I am honestly curious: Why is clicking through a bad thing? Does it take a lot of time or open you up to viruses? Does it cost you money or bog down your computer? It can't be the ads... you can download a simple, free adblocker for that.

I don't know if you guys know this but we have had several sites take all of the content from CW, all of it, and repost it as their own. And they got it from the RSS feed. I realize that limiting the RSS won't stop it completely but it will stop a lot of it.

So I guess the choice is yours. Is the partial RSS enough reason for you to leave forever? If so, I am truly sorry to see you go.

john

cb said...

I am no computer expert, so bear with me here, but am I to understand that people are unhappy because they have to click a mouse a couple extra times to see CW? Is this insight into the reason America is so obese? We can't even bring ourselves to make a couple extra marginally perceptible moves with an index finger anymore? The only excuse I can think for this being a problem involves paralysis. Or maybe having a hand trapped under something heavy.

Kelly said...

Gah, I read that as "a very PUBIC, hairy situation".

Mamma Mia said...

Oh! I know! The people who are complaining are the ones who've been stealing your stuff, right?

It's your blog, Jen and John, so do what ya gotta do. If they want their own personal court jesters, they should start by looking on Craigslist or something. I understand that Conan O'Brien is looking for work. Feh on grouchy people, anyway!

Anonymous said...

If you look at the larger version of the butt cake (I know, why would you?), the little doctor figure is obviously made from a Galactic Heroes Jedi figure, maybe an Obi-Wan, painted up to look like a doctor in scrubs. Totally cute. Doesn't make the cake more tasty-looking, but somebody did go to a lot of trouble to do it.

Melinda said...

Okay, I am getting over a stomach virus... that first cake did NOT help my recovery. In fact, I think I will have to look at the rest of them in a few days. Or not. Ugh.

Chris said...

Regarding the RSS feed, it's not a matter of being lazy -- I use my Blackberry or iPod Touch to go through my Google Reader feeds, and if I have to click through, it takes FOREVER to load (and is a lot harder to read because of the dark background).

I understand you gotta do what you gotta do, but I thought I'd share another perspective on why it's disappointing. Hopefully there's a happy compromise somewhere down the road, because I love my wrecks.

IrishBelle318 said...

That last cake looks like someone sneezed thos blueberries on it-GROSS! :P

Twirly McSwirl said...

Hm, nope. Still want sprinkles.

I DARE you to try and ruin that. My love for sprinkles is deep and pure. It cannot be shaken.

mcsandwich said...

Longtime reader, usually don't bother with the comments because I get it in the RSS feed (haha). Hence this reply, to see what was up and because John asked.

There are problems with the RSS feed being suspended that go beyond "I don't want to click one more time" (which seems kind of lame, IMO).

I use my feed reader because it's a way to catch up on sites while I'm on a low-powered connection or offline. I spend a lot of my week killing time where there's no internet connection, so I download my feed before I leave the house. I also access my feed from my Blackberry when I'm on the go, as another commenter mentioned.

Another reason people use RSS is to set limits on the time they spend surfing the web. I'm sure there are more reasons I haven't thought of too.

However, when it really gets down to the nitty gritty, I and probably many others would be satisfied just getting a note in RSS when there's been an update, even if we have to click through. We may not be able to check Cake Wrecks at work, school, or on the go, but in the end it's just an inconvenience and not a dealbreaker.

One suggestion would be to make a bare-bones, mobile version of the site. I don't know how plausible that is or how difficult it would be because it's on Blogger. But it would help mobile and bad-connection users out in the absence of an RSS feed.

Also, hearing about the plagiarism is awful, and I don't mean to downplay it at all, but is there really any doubt as to who owns and originates the material? Jen has a published book, and Cake Wrecks is pretty well known. I guess I'm just trying to say, I hope you guys are doing more than just taking down the RSS feed to combat this if it's causing you damage. Regardless, we the fans are behind you 100% of the way.

Great post by the way, and by "great" I mean "it made me dry heave."

All the best. =)

Lauralee said...

Congratulations on all your nominations for the Weblogs Awards. You can be sure I voted for you. Good Luck!

Amy @ Cheerful Cookery said...

Wow, that second one is really... shiny. And slightly mushed. I'm not sure how you make baked goods look like that. Definitely not natural!

bunny said...

is it just me or does the second cake look like a giant pile of earwax?

ewwww...

john (the hubby of Jen) said...

Thanks McSandwich,

I know the lag in load time is a pain for those folks using mobile devices. I actually found out that, with an average load time of 5+ seconds, we are considered to be "very slow." Which I blame on Blogger. We really are still working out the options but I appreciate the thoughtfulness of your comment. We knew we would get some backlash from this.

Thanks again,

john

Kaysha said...

Nice reminder to schedule a colonoscopy...

irishelflinwe said...

That first cake is totally a mangled Cthulhu...



Word verification: jital. It is jital that I never see the hairy cake ever again.

cathryn said...

these are honestly the worst cakes ive seen on here, and ever.

Lynn said...

Wait! You can still have blueberries! Look, the ones I made last night are pretty! And they are not the slimy can-kind o_0 eurgh!

http://hphotos-snc3.fbcdn.net/hs131.snc3/17874_1292074615873_1050497943_897258_2083723_n.jpg

Becca said...

Another vote for full feed. To those who asked, I subscribe to about 100 blogs, newspapers, and other sites. If every one did this, I'd spend my entire day on the Internet rather than the hour or so it now takes me to get through the day's articles (many of which are important for work and school).

I enjoy this site a lot but will have to bid it goodbye if things stay this way. If there were only one site on the web, it would be awesome if it were this one! But it's not the only site out there and I can't give it more consideration than I give any other.

Thanks for listening, thanks for the site, and I'll keep my subscription for a while in the hopes you'll find another way (there are many out there, I'm sure you're already looking into them). But I just can't click through every time.

sendingtheclowns said...

What's an RSS feed?

Really Super Spaghetti? Like a potluck?

I've heard of "CPS feed" (Chicken Pie Supper feed); is it similar?

Why would anyone get upset because they can't eat while using their high-tech, hand-held devices?

I think we need to calm down...maybe go back to the days when everyone had more couth...sit a spell and have a spot of tea ... gossip about the neighbors...

Everyone is in too much of a hurry these days, aren't they?

Instant gratification! Yikes.

Here's our new National Anthem: Queen's "I WANT IT ALL"!!!

=^-.-^=

Red Wolf said...

That second cake looks like the candle the Mythbusters tried to make out of earwax on a recent episode, except shiny. In a bad way. Like, mucous-shiny.

WV: Broca, as in the bakeries will go broca trying to make money selling these cakes. (or possibly as in Broca's area which is part of the brain-- some of these cakes resemble brain matter...ew...)

Anonymous said...

Yet another RSS feed reader here: please make it work out! I am very forgetful and will miss out on the cake wreckery without it.

ChicagoCatt said...

I could only think "W T F" when I saw the first cake for today and it only got worse from there. The comments about the blueberries were hysterical. Love it all!

WV: FYISHE - there's something very fyishe about those cakes!

Ann said...

The "bloody stool" cake was good, but for me, the sheer, Zen simplicity of the "frog-egg" cake really... uhm... took the cake... As such.

Emily J said...

When I first saw the "Chad" cake, I thought the little animal was an anteater, and that the sprinkles were supposed to be ants. I thought that was cute, not gross!

My second thought after that was, "How did they find a little anteater to put on the cake?"

Then I clicked on the picture and saw it in full size, saw that it was a mouse, and went, "EEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWW!!!!"

feathergirl said...

I feel...gross...after looking at those cakes.

Anonymous said...

Easily the grossest post you have ever made. Keep scaling to new heights! :)

--kate

Anonymous said...

Easily the grossest post you have ever made. Keep scaling to new heights! :)

--kate

knitorpurl said...

Wonder if anyone was able to actually eat any of these cakes- how can you dissociate that much what you are seeing?

Yeah, I am done with food for today.

Katie said...

Another vote that limited RSS is fine. I'm not in a position that I can't click through or clicking through takes too long, so I don't mind a bit. Like someone mentioned above, a limited RSS post at least lets us know that we need to check the main page!

Thanks for the hard Wrecky work!

Stoich91 said...

Wow. Zizz. Now you have to go and get my appetite all up n' running...huh. Yeah, I could never see someone paying for these cakes, but if they eat them, they're even stranger.:)

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