A Cake Wrecks Salute

Today we salute you, Mr. or Mrs. Patriotic Cake Wreckerator.

[singing] "Mr. or Mrs. Patriotic Cake WreckoRAAATor!"

Yes, in a sea of national complacency, you are the one shining beacon of truth, justice, and proper icing depictions of the American flag:

"Hey, Betsy Ross would be pro-oud!"

And when it comes to the star placement on those flags. you don't let petty things like "perspective" or "scale" get in your way:

"Ooooh, I think you need a few mo-ore!"

Yes, no other cake decorator loves this country quite the way you do, or has our sacred borders drawn on their hearts in quite the same way:

"At least you got Florida!"

So here's to you, Faithful Fan of the Frosted Flag. Because without you, tinsel and airbrushing and cliched eagle photos would never end up on Cake Wrecks, where we all know they belong:

"Mr. or Mrs. Patriotic Cake Wreckeraaaaa-tor!"

Thanks to Wreckporters Danae H., Kate B., Scott W., & Emily J., who are clearly more patriotic than you are.

- Related Wreckage: Somewhere in Kabul, there is an Italian bakery

Tassel Hassles

Hey, look! Amber went back to school!

Looks like her folks are still using the same bakery, though. (Piles of dead leaves are such a "hassel", aren't they?)

This next Wreck sees Amber's "hassel", and raises it a "taffle":

If only it had been in quotes - "taffle" would leave so much more romper-room for the imagination, don't you think?

Speaking of lots of room, Courtney M. asked the bakery for a Star Wars graduation cake, and this is what she got:

Well, Courtney, there is a lot of space...in space. So, you know, it could be a metaphor.

Where some Wreckerators call it a day after a lime-headed Yoda and a plastic grad cap, though, others keep going, and going, and...

...going.

'Scuse me, Mr. or Ms. Wreckerator, but I think you missed a spot. Could you cram a few more "09"s on the top? Oh, and while I have you here, a few questions:

1) What are you congratulating math for?
2) Does that inscription really say "this book is for smart people only please donoot atemple to open if you are not smart"?

It does? Ok, then my next question is...

3) For the love of crossed-out-but-not-corrected spelling errors, why? I mean, wouldn't only the really dumb people try to open a cake that only resembles a book in that it is somewhat flat and rectangular? Or am I over thinking this? (Don't answer that, Wreckies; I'm talking to the decorator here.)


Jess K's mom ordered a graduation cake for her brother. To keep it simple, she asked for the cake to read "Woo-hoo Tommy!" Instead, she got:


Unintentionally appropriate with a side of sneering sarcasm. I like it.


Sabrina S., Jess G., & Maureen, you each get a gold star beside your name on my monitor. (Granted, this may make typing a little more diggifult, but fortunetly I learned to typr by touch.)

Sunday Sweets: Bullseyes

I was trying to figure out what the opposite of "Missed Marks" would be; ergo, "Bullseyes". Yep, today's amazing NON-Wrecks are the cakes that look just like the object they're supposed to.

For example...

Liz had Mike's Amazing Cakes replicate a favorite stuffed frog for her and her guy Nat's joint birthday celebration:

I think the result is pretty adorable, don't you?

Ro Bruhn is an artist who makes colorful (and quite pretty) journals, like this one:


So for her birthday, her family surprised her with a cake version of that same journal:


Honestly, I kept getting the two photos mixed up, the cake is such a close match. Those buttons are fantastic. So are the ribbons. And the cover. Ok, fine, the whole thing's pretty darn cool. Ro says a local company did the cake, but she didn't say which one. So if you're reading this, Ro, let me know who to credit, k? (And thanks to Pauline L. for nominating the cake.)

And lastly, Andrew S. is the creator of the webcomic Elderly Apple, which is named for his character Pliny, the (you guessed it) Elderly Apple. As a fan of Cake Wrecks, he was inspired to order a cake version of Pliny for the site's birthday. This is Pliny:



Not the easiest thing to make a cake from, right? But look what Virginia Bakery came up with:

Isn't he great? Plus, he's our fondant-free sweet of the week. That's right - NO fondant. So in addition to pulling off a sculpted cake from a simple drawing, these bakers also got the icing glass smooth. For us amateur bakers, I think it's both inspiring and somewhat disheartening to know icing can actually look that good.

Have you had something replicated in cake form you'd like to nominate as a Sweet? Then send it to me at Sunday Sweets [at] Cake Wrecks [dot] com.

Too Soon?

Michael Jackson died Thursday afternoon. Barely 24 hours later, Laura H. found these in her local bakery:


Yeesh. Ok, so it's America, and I get that we tend to capitalize on tragedy - I mean, have you seen "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here"? - but this seems to be pushing the bounds of good taste, don't you think?

And on top of the whole "let's eat the face of the deceased" thing, they went and made it worse by making them CCCs. [ptoooiee!]

Ah, the perils of putting a group photo on a memorial cake...

Plus, logistically this begs a question: how exactly do you separate the cupcakes in a CCC when there's a large edible image on them? From my experience, that paper is pretty thick.

Two words: dash placement.

Still, I suppose the question of how you eat it is secondary to "who thought this was a good idea?" Even if the wreckerator's motives were pure, couldn't s/he have put a little more effort into them? I mean, these things give ugly a run for its money.

And finally, I know I'm opening Pandora's box here, but what do you guys think about eating a decorated cake to commemorate someone's death? Seems to me there's a reason most funerals have pie: cake symbolically represents celebration. Granted, we should celebrate someone's life in their memory, but you certainly don't want to be seen as celebrating that the person died.

So again, what do you think? Are these cakes some morbid capitalistic ploy, or simply a sweet gesture?

Aaaand....discuss.

Goodbye Captain Eo

I can remember sitting at a friend's kitchen table and hearing "Thriller" for the first time. The synthesizers, the beat, that creepy voice telling a tale of ghouls "getting down" - I was mesmerized. And even though I was pretty young at the time, that memory has stayed with me for over twenty years.

I bet you have a similar story to tell, and fond memories of the childhood icon who had us wearing silver gloves and practicing our moon walk. So in the spirit of the widespread MJ tributes out there today (and because so many of you asked) here are a few Michael Jackson cakes:

The year was 1984, and everyone at the party was soooo jealous.


Care posted this over at Craftin' on the Couch. It's her sixth birthday cake, and I think you can see it was love at first sight. :)

Moving on to more recent creations...

Oddly enough, at a museum near Budapest there is a life-sized Michael Jackson statue made from marzipan:

Marzipan is an almond paste, by the way. So this isn't technically a cake, but it IS edible - technically. That's my excuse for including it, anyway.

And lastly, this morning Daun D. sent me the tribute cake her office ordered:

Although with all that airbrushing, cracked icing, improper spacing, and head-scratching yellow and gray color combo, it looks like a tribute to Cake Wrecks as well as to the King of Pop. Which is only appropriate, I suppose.

Plus, Daun's office had a moon walk contest, complete with prizes for the winners. See, now that is just awesome. In fact, if you're reading this at work I think you should organize moon walk-offs immediately. And take lots of video, too; you never know when your friends might need to blackmail you.

And finally, here's a snippet of one of my all-time favorite MJ incarnations: Captain Eo. (This was a 3D film at Disney, and I still hold out hope that they'll bring it back, even if just for a few days.)



If you want to watch the whole thing, go here.

Thanks to Rob D. & Liz for helping me find these cakes!


- Related Wreckage: See Michael Jackson's 16th birthday cake here.

NOTE: I know Michael Jackson is a controversial character, but let's keep today's comments in good taste, Ok?

Transformers Going Down in Flames

I recently got an e-mail from Chunks the Pioneer, who told me she is a HUGE Transformers fan, and naturally went to the first 11:59 PM showing of Transformers 2. She also said,

"After seeing it [the movie] I got to thinking, why haven’t we seen any Transformer wrecks in honor of this occasion??? Please don't make me beg!"

Well, Chunks - may I call you Chunks? - first and foremost, I find it interesting that seeing Transformers 2 made you want to see (other?) things that are poorly made.

Hah! I kid, I kid. (Or do I?)

That said, I'm happy to share my extended collection of Transformers Wrecks with you. 'Course, you'd think there would be several Transformers cake kits out by now, but no, there's still just the one:

As you can see they spared no expense with it, though. Why, that piece of cardboard is actually printed in color.

The best thing about this design, however, is that no Wreckerator on earth can replicate it. It's true. "Pointy" is simply beyond this groups' skill set:

Optimus Prime battles the red fingers of doom.

Optimus Prime battles the great ketchup spill of '09.

Oh, wait, I take it back: this Wreckerator did manage "pointy":

But with fronds like those, who needs anemones? Eh? Eh?

And lastly, my favorite:

Mmm. Speckly.

Interestingly enough, this Wreckerator's '72 Pinto has those exact same flames airbrushed on the front bumper. Which is pretty darn ironic, if you think about it.


Hey Meagan D., Misty M., Alicia A., & Barbara N., what do you call an Autobot in denial?
Answer: A boat!

(Get it? Denial? De- Nile? The river? Yeah, us ex-JC skippers rule, thankyouverramuch.)


- Related Wreckage: Optimus Wrecks

UPDATE: My apologies to Chunks the Pioneer, who I mistakenly assumed was a guy, since she is, in fact, a girl. And thanks for having such a great sense of humor about it, Chunks. ;)

This One's For The Ladies

(NOTE: For the ladies, not the kiddies. Still SFW, though.)



NASA wanted to do something special for all the lady astronauts of the world:

And by "special", I mean something big, flaccid, curving to the right, poised to explode into the dark recesses that are out of this world, and that says "Women in Space: We've Come A Long Way".

[biting lip] Wow. So many innuendo-laced jokes, so little time. And if my mom didn't read this blog (Hi, Mom!), you can bet I'd be saying something about the fallacy that men can't organize - much less erect - a project of this size. Or how nice it is to see NASA giving women the upper hand in the space program, so that they, too, can get ahead. In fact, I'd probably wonder aloud if it wasn't rather cold in the exhibit hall, if that wouldn't put too fine a point on it.

However, since my mom *does* read this blog (Hi, Mom!), all I'm going to say is this, and to the cake creator: don't take my good-natured ribbing too hard. The fact that you got a government agency to pay for your services makes you a Wreck star.

And for you deprived souls who didn't get the FotC reference, watch this:





- Related Wreckage: Dirty-Minded Decorators

UPDATE: For you doubting Thomases calling "photoshop" and getting John all aggravated, here's another photo of the same cake:

Source

John is so ridiculously happy about the discovery of this second photo that he's currently singing "Don't Worry, There's Another Shuttle Photo, Be Happy" while I'm typing.

Clearly, I need to get him out of the house more.

The "Year" of the "Grad"

The Grad Wreckage is still pouring in, and here I'm rapidly running out of snappy titles. Drat.

In higher education, time loses all meaning.

See? Even the footstool-wearing stomach-cloud knows "that".

Talk about a repeat-offender: we've got you on 19 counts right here, Wreckerator!

And one more for you "unnecessary" quotation marks fans:

Congrats "class" of "09"?

Looks like someone couldn't take the quotation mark abuse anymore and decided to teach that cake a lesson. It kind of worked, too; it's much harder to notice the quotes now.

And speaking of hard-to-read cakes, there oughta be a law against squiggles that look like words:

Elle? Ollie? Edie? Why does the confetti look like writing, and the diploma scroll look like a Seuss hat? Especially when everyone knows you're supposed to make them look like Swiss Rolls, like this?

(Wreckerators, some day you and I need to have a chat about curly ribbon.)

And you thought your senior prom was awkward.

David R., Anony, Judi I., Jenny T., Kristin L., Sarah F., & Steph H., way to "go"!


- Related Wreckage: And They Say Customer Service is Dead

Minions, Report!

Thank you all for coming to the evil Wrecky henchpersons meeting. There's only one item of business today, so I'll be brief in briefing you with the brief:

Cake Wrecks is up for Funniest Blog at the '09 BlogLuxe Awards.

I'd be super psyched to win it.

Like, super super psyched.

You can vote once a day now through July 6th, simply by typing in your e-mail address.

That is all. Dismissed!

(Oh, and since there are about a billion blogs on the list, you might have a hard time finding Cake Wrecks. I'd advise using the "find" tool on your web browser.)

Celebrating the "Yes" with a bunch of "No"s

There are usually a lot of weddings in June, so I know you're getting sick of all those perfectly lovely wedding and engagement cakes by now, aren't you? [patting your hand] Well don't you worry, dear; that's what I'm here for.

First, fellas, take note: This is NOT how you do it.

"So I was picking up some salami, right? And I see this cupcake thing. Anyway, long story short, I figure, hey, it's cheaper than a real one, and I could go for some nosh right now anyway..."

Once the engagement is set, some couples like to celebrate by getting something big, shiny, and misspelled:


While others like adopting fun new aliases...


Some couples like to keep the guests guessing:

"So did they get their degree, or are they getting married?"
(Answer: getting married. Yes, really.)

Or freaking out the family with something that looks like it should come with a ransom note:

Aaaeeeeiii!!

"Pay up, Bub, or your fiance loses her other hand."

Hey, Paula T., Anony, Veronica, Amanda G., & Anony 2, [pointing with two fingers] engage.

(I've always wanted to do that.)


- Related Wreckage: Hey Nurse, Slip Me Some Tongue!

Falker Satherhood Revisited

(Hey, I did say I had my fingers crossed, right?)

Since Falker Satherhood is one Hallmark card away from becoming the new official name of Father's Day, I thought I'd share how some of you Wreckies celebrated it yesterday.

Lindsay B. did the sensible thing and bought a cake:


While Jan B. and her daughter Ginny made Dad a banner:


Since the original Falker Satherhood cake debuted back in May, though, there are some dissenting opinions on when it should be celebrated. For example, the Big Doofus over at The Big Doofus Blog lists a quick, educational, and completely made-up history of the day as follows:

"Falker Satherhood was celebrated in the tiny Eastern European country of Belgrid to commemorate the beginning of spring and the annual "Dancing Ritual of the Goats."

Dancing goats? Heck yeah! When I was a kid we had two miniature goats as pets, and they were awesome. Why, my mom still has the scars on her shins from little Starbuck's* playful maulings. [getting all misty-eyed] They butt with love, those wee lil' goats: they butt...with love.


*Yes, his name was Starbuck. This was before the coffee shop was popular, though, so the meaning was more along the lines of he was a star at bucking. Or maybe it had something to do with Battlestar Galactica... we ARE a family of geeks, after all.

Father's Day Wrap-Up

Ok, last Dad's Day post, I promise. (But keep in mind that crossing my fingers behind my back nullifies any and all aforementioned promises.)

Yesterday fathers across the globe were given heartfelt messages from their children.
Messages like, "Aren't you glad you put me through college?"

(And if ever there was an icing color that should be banned, "radioactive vomit green" should be it.)

And, "Penmanship isn't everything."

(I saw "Doty" for a solid 30 seconds before realizing that's a wonky capital "A".)

Or, "Are you getting enough fiber?"

Eww.

Then there are the less complimentary messages, though I'm sure they were just as heartfelt. Really.

Like, "You dress like a clown. And not even a funny one."


Or, "I can't even bring myself to call you 'Dad'."


I think this one is "Squint your eyes and it could almost be golf-related, Grandpa."

(Get it? "Grandpa?" 'Cuz it says "Father's Dad"?
Ah, you're no fun at all.)

I guess a lot of people were hoping for "happy father dads":


And finally there's the classic backhanded compliment: "You're #1...

"...at beating orange bunnies with a baseball bat.*"

Vanessa B., Shylah E., Jujyfruit, Amanda L., Mary F., Lauren C., & Bekka T., I hear that's the most sportsmanlike way to go.


* Yes, I know it's supposed to be a fish. So don't go pulling a "Spaceship Earth" on me, hear?

Sunday Sweets: Happy Father's Day

(Sunday Sweets is my weekly NON-Wreck feature, to remind you how wrecky the Wrecks really are.)

I like the trend of making Father's Day cakes that look likes shirts and ties; it turns the cliche into something so much sweeter. Check these out:

(Found by Brenda Jo on Cakebox)

Ok, so the sweater is a wee bit shiny, but you've got to admire the skill all that piping required. Plus, it's mostly fondant free!

For the more formal, pinstripe-wearing Dad, Jen C. found this one over at Jill's Sugar Collection:

See how those stripes pool into little dots at the bottom edge without breaking? That's talent. Kudos, Jill.

Laudine F. found this beautifully detailed number on De Leukste Taarten:

I'm not sure who the baker is exactly, though, since my Dutch is pretty rusty. (And by "rusty" I mean "non-existent".)

(UPDATE: Apparently y'all have non-rusty Dutch and the name of the baker is Lieselotte. Bedankt!)

And check out what Bakerella whipped up for Dad:

So. Cute.

Those are mini cupcakes (with brownie centers) for the burgers, and sliced sugar cookies for the fries. Even better, Bakerella provides the templates to make the baskets & french fry holder for free on her site. (I'm sure you could modify that text for birthdays or other holidays.)


Oh, and a Happy Falker Satherhood to you all!

Keep It Stupid, Stupid

When April W.'s mom ordered a Father's Day cake last year, the clerk seemed to think that a name should go on the cake as well. Since there was more than one Dad in the house, though, April's mom insisted that the cake only say Happy Father's Day.

Or maybe her exact words were "Father's Day Only" - it's kind of hard to say...



I realize this is going to seem nit-picky, but I really want to know why the "t" is the only letter not capitalized. Seriously. Does that strike anyone else as odd?

There are perils in the world of random capitalization, though:

See? In addition to being ugly as original sin, this CCC [pthoo!] looks like it says "Worid's Best Dad". Not good.

A simpler way of expressing Dad's superiority might be the ol' standby: "#1 Dad", or "Dad is #1". So let's see how the modern Wreckerator is able to screw even those up, shall we?

[sigh]

Yoda strikes again?

Ok, obviously these inscriptions are just too long and complicated. So let's cut out all the extraneous stuff and get right to the heart of the matter:

Perfect.

Justin F., Kristina B., Mike H., & Erin H., Wreckporters!


- Related Wreckage: Dial-A-Wreck

Dastardly Dad Designs

I guess I have to call this a tie:

Yep - tied for worst icing cohesion and worst neckwear representation. Unless that's supposed to be an alien joystick, of course. In which case, someone needs a checkup. Ew.

How about some tasty powdered hot dogs on the grill?

Mmm. Powdery.

And for the discriminating Dad, there's always this classic WTF design:

Jeremiah L. submitted this beauty over 10 months ago, and I still have no idea what it's supposed to be. A car? A grill? A set of weights? A toolbox? A lunchbox? Elmo? Herbie the Love Bug? A picnic basket? Bertie Bott's fizzing whizbees? Phil Spector? Seriously, WHAT IS THIS?!?

Stephanie H. & Phyllis L., I think I need to lie down for a bit. That white spot on the bottom chocolate cupcake is making me question my own sanity.

- Related Wreckage: Face Time on CW

Threadcakes Contest

Like to make cakes? Like to eat cakes? Then you'll love the contest Threadless has going on right now: Threadcakes. (If you're not familiar with Threadless, it's a community based tee-shirt company with tons of amazing artist-submitted designs.) The contest is simple: make a cake based on your favorite Threadless design, submit a photo, and hope you win.

There are impressive prize packs racking up for the winners (they're still adding goodies), with separate winners for both 2D and 3D cakes. The contest runs until August 3rd, so you've got plenty of time to find your inspiration design and get baking. They've even got all of last year's cakes posted on the front page to help inspire you/show you what you're up against.

Last year's 1st place winner, along with the shirt design it's based on.

Oh, and did I mention I'm one of the judges?

Yep, me, Mary Alice from Ace of Cakes, and some other fabulous individuals will be making up the judging panel. Now, I warned the folks at Threadcakes that nothing could prepare them for your Wreckish onslaught of creativity, so I'm counting on you guys. So go make me proud!

(Click here to go to Threadcakes.)

My Dad's Cake is More Insulting Than YOUR Dad's Cake

This Sunday is the day we tell Dad what he means to us - hopefully in a complimentary kind of way. You know, like this:

"Before that you were utter crap, of course, but I'm trying to focus on the positive here. Ice cream?"

The important thing is to always be honest. For example, if your dad is a beer-swilling couch potato, you might try this model:

See, since the sign says "World's Greatest Sports Fan", there's no need to find anything positive to say about his parenting skills whatsoever. Score! (And if you're wondering why this design is on a green brick background and has a giant banana on it... so am I.)

For this next one, I think Brian M. said it best:

"Of all the Dads out there, you are one of them."

It's usually a safe bet to go with a simple "Happy Father's Day".

Well, I did say "usually".
And at least they remembered the "h". Heheh.

Oh, and check this out: I got the same Wreck from two different people!

Ah, I love my Wreckporters. What other blog has evil henchpersons of such tried and true dedication, I ask you - eh? That's right, NONE of 'em.

Noelle K., Mary V., Brianne, and Alea J., if there was a "Blog Reader's Day", I'd totally feel bad for not getting you a cake on that day.

- Related Wreckage: Passive Aggressive Cakes

KILL IT WITH FIRE!! (Oh wait, they already did...)

This Wreck is from last year, but since they ran the episode on Food Network recently I've been inundated with requests - nay, demands - that I feature it immediately. (And by the way, you guys are just so cute when you get bossy.)

We're fortunate that CW reader Jason got a hold of the actual episode this week, because he made a quick minute-and-a-half recap that captures the true Wrecktastic essence of this masterpiece. It also had John nearly crying with laughter, so you must watch:



I should mention that the challenge was to create a birthday cake for Kerry Vincent, aka the Simon Cowell of cake competitions. This is not the lady you screw up in front of. Or make towering spikes of cake and fruit and paper lathered up with melted goo and then set aflame in front of.


Yep, there were small bowls of alcohol set in the cake, which the creators lit to simulate birthday candles. Unsurprisingly to everyone except perhaps the bakers themselves, the cake then caught on fire.

Here it is covered with a fine dusting of fire extinguisher foam, which most everyone agreed was a visual improvement:

Now THAT is a Cake Wreck, folks.

Still, before you guys rip on these gals too much, consider how boring the world would be without those daring innovators who are willing to go down in flames [smirk] for the sake of their art. I say we applaud these brave souls, and encourage all the ingenuity, forward-thinking, and pyromania that we can. [nodding seriously] Wreck on, my friends, wreck on.


- Related Wreckage: Sandra Lee Shows Us How It's (Not) Done

Better Dieting Through Cake

NOTE: Now really isn't the time to start eating that bagel - or anything else, for that matter. :D


So, are you ready for swimsuit season? No? Then join the Cake Wrecks Appetite-Suppression Program, and get a thinner you in no time!

Yes, that's right! With a steady "visual diet" of Wrecks like these:

You'll find yourself craving all foods less and less!

For example: Are you having a hard time saying "no" to fatty animal shanks? (Because, really, who isn't?) Well, with our proven "You'll Hope They're Cloves!" model, you're guaranteed to never desire streaky blackened meat-on-the-bone ever again!

You're already reconsidering that lunch order, aren't you? Now imagine the results you'll get with a full 24/7 regimen!

It's so easy! The Cake Wrecks Appetite-Suppression Program contains a heart-healthy sculpted-cake medley of:

Disgusting food products...

(Red meat, green meat, meat that oozes, meat that's rare...)

Enlarged insects...

(Post-stompage for maximum effectiveness)

And of course, plenty of poo-like piles...

(Just a little dab'll do ya!)

All guaranteed to get you the results you want!

And for those dieting emergencies when you need an extra-strength dose of appetite suppressing Wreckage, there's our special "medical specimens" selection:

Filled with jelly, so you won't fill your belly!

Melinda A., Tricia A., Kathleen, Jenn J., Kristin, & Debra F., eat your heart out.

Or don't, 'cuz that's kinda gross.


*Related Wreckage: The Cake Head Diet Aid

Who's Your "Dady"?

Most Dads get cards and cake on only two occasions each year: their birthdays and Father's Day. Since Father's Day is coming up soon, let's see how you Dads have been making out for your birthdays, eh?

Huh. Now, I hear you when you say "it's the thought that counts," Janet S., but I'm pretty sure that doesn't include afterthoughts. Particularly misspelled ones. Right, "Dady"?



Well, this one sure is pretty, which - as Elena N. knows - is always key when buying the old man a cake. But, "Daday"? Really? Who even pronounces it that way? (And before you ask: yes, this was supposed to read "Daddy".)

At least this next one *sounds* right:

"Deddie" - see? That works.

Wait a minute, though...something's not right here. What's with all the pink? And the polka-dotted mountains/slides/sleep mask?

What's that, Melissa K.? This was for Debbie, the breast cancer survivor?!?

Ah.

Well geez, that really doesn't belong in this post at all, then, does it? Heheh.

[tugging at collar] Ahem. So, moving on...

Yep, this too was supposed to say "Daddy". Very... creative. And that's a nice use of all-caps. When in doubt, scream it, I always say.

RIGHT, MICKI H.?!?

[wicked grin]

So, I think we've all learned some valuable lessons here today. First, stick with "Dad" on the cake, and you'll have no problems at all:

Nope, nooo problems at all.

(Yes, I see it, folks. See, I'm employing a clever bit of sarcasm here. Because I love sarcasm. Really.)

And secondly, when in doubt, SCREAM IT. (Tod & Cathy J., I must have that stitched on a pillow.)

Father's Day is this Sunday. Tired of getting Dad a boring old tie for the occasion? Then how about getting him a Carrot Jockey tie? Eh? No need to thank me; I'm just here to help.

Sunday Sweets: Star Wars

Well, I gave Trek its time in the sun, so it's only fair to showcase some Star Wars goodness now. Besides, since I shared in the heady experience of a group heatstroke with approximately three million SW fans yesterday, I'm definitely in a "Wars" mindset.

The challenge, of course, was finding SW Sweets that my friend Mike over at Great White Snark hasn't featured yet. Seriously, Mike, how's about you leave some goodies for the rest of us cake-loving geeks to post, eh? Sheesh. It's a good thing Star Wars fans reeaally enjoy their cake.

Ok, let's start with the "official" stuff. Jim found these two on StarWars.com, and both were made by the "Ace of Star Wars Cakes" himself, Duff Goldman. (That link leads to a great article on Duff, btw, for you Ace of Cakes fans.)

Hard to believe it's not a large model, huh? And check out this next one:

Wowza. The gang at Charm City Cakes really rocked this one. Kudos, guys.

Here's the backside:

Kristi F. sent in this amazing Millennium Falcon by Cakes by Jyl:

Just look at that detail! Jyl reports that everything here is edible, too. Nice!

Rose B. found a Star Wars wedding cake:

And get this, icing purists: that AT-AT is almost entirely fondant-free! Amazing. Here's another cool shot:

Yep, those are the bride and groom figurines - and they dressed to match! The cake was made by the bride's friend Teresa, and the cutie-patootie Ewok cupcakes by her friend Amanda. You can see all the fun wedding pics here.

Here's Brooks G.'s amazing R2D2 groom's cake, which he was kind enough to share with me this week:

Artoo was made by the 1886 Cafe & Bakery in Austin, TX, who were furnished with painstakingly detailed diagrams, photographs, and plans by the bride, Kristina. Yes, the bride. (Alright, Kristina! Way to represent for us geek gals!) Oh, and speaking of which, here's Kristina with the cake:

After all the guests were through taking pictures with Artoo (in increasingly risque poses, I hear) the couple cut the cake - while playing the "waaaHHHH!" noise that R2d2 makes when he gets shot in the head with a blaster. Heh. Morbid, but funny. I bet the guests loved it.

And lastly, here's another wedding cake, by Dy Rinella of Bewitching Elegance:

Not only is Dy a vegan baker, she also won the Star Wars Insider Best Wedding Cake of 2008 with this gorgeous Star Destroyer. It was made for a couple who belong to the 501st, an "imperial costuming organization."

See?

The cake's obviously been cut here, but check out all the tiny details:

Looks like it was a well-deserved win, Dy! Great job.


If you want to see more great Star Wars cakes (and I mean LOTS more) head over to Great White Snark for his Geeky Cake of the Week feature. And as always, if you have an amazing cake to nominate for SS, send it to me at Sunday Sweets [at] Cake Wrecks [dot] com. (I also take requests, so if you have an idea for a theme, let me know.)

Wreckie Grad Shows Us How It's Done

Allison must have the best sister ever. Just look at what she made for Allison's graduation party:

Awwww yeeeeeaaaah. Now THAT is a graduation cake, my friends.

Allison writes,

"Most of the partygoers didn't get why I was dying of laughter when I saw it. It was the best cake anyone has ever given me, and was well worth three years of graduate school just for the cake! The best part was waking up the next day to the dozens of naked baby graduates she had hidden all over my house: in my shower, on my pillow, on my computer, in the kitchen cupboards, and wherever else I haven't found yet."

That cake plus a Carrot Jockey Hunt? Wow. You lucked out in the sibling department there, Allison.

Now, those of you graduating soon, I think you know what to do.

Call Allison's sister.

Star Wars Weekend

Tomorrow John and I are going to the Star Wars Weekends out at Disney. This is the event that causes our friends who work at Disney - even the hardened sci-fi geeks - to go blank-faced with terror, so needless to say I'm pretty psyched about it. (Apparently we Trekkers have nothing on Star Wars fans in the crazy department.) So in honor of the occasion, and for those of you too distant/sane to attend, here's some Wreckage to get you in the intergalactic mood.


This fun little number features a puddle of R2D2 (or possibly an attempt at Captain America's shield?) in the upper left-hand corner, and a Ferengi Marauder in the lower right-hand corner. [head tilt] Huh.

Hey, uh, Wreckerators? It's probably not wise to cross the sci-fi/geekery streams. Especially the Trek/Wars streams. You never, ever want to do tha...

Oh no you di'n't, Matt B.!

(Ok, so Matt's friends Wrecked it on purpose. It's still funny, though.)

Come to the Dark Side. We have granite texture-in-a-can.

Plus, our storm troopers have huge...

Uh...

Goiters?

Yeah, let's go with goiters. No one knows what those are, anyway.

Bobble-headed Yoda you will love. Awesome is he:

His lack of legs, disturbing I find.

Little known fact: the first R2D2 prototype was made using only Styrofoam, blue painter's tape, and a Sharpie:

Plus, did you guys know that R2D2's birth name was Reginald Dillingham? It's true. I wouldn't lie to you. (Unless it was funny. Or I was bored. Or cake was involved. But this, this is true. Honest.)

And lastly, J. Williamson's local paper featured this as a "hot new trend" in weddings:




So naturally you're thinking, "Gee, Jen, people are serving Wolfman's head on a platter at weddings?"

(This is Wolfman, by the way:)



The answer, of course, is no - and I laugh in the face of your childish naivete. Hahahah! Ahhahaha! Mwaha. Ha. Aha.

Yes, as I was saying, the answer is no - because people are in fact serving Chewbacca's head on a platter at their weddings. That's Chewbacca. See the resemblance?


That's what I thought.


Debra B., Luci, Katie R., Brandi M., & Anony, when it comes to cake, use the forks.

Related Wreckage: Do These Taste Chewy To You?

NOTE: Today's post is dedicated to CW reader Jacob Taylor, since I hear he's a big Star Wars fan. Jacob is 8 years old and was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor last month, so he and his family could use all the good wishes, prayers, and warm thoughts you'd care to send their way. The good news is that he's responding well enough to radiation treatment that he's back to reading again this week. So, hi, Jacob! Say, you bakers in the Cincinnati Ohio area, how's about whipping him up some organic cake to celebrate? (He's on an all-natural diet these days.)

Expressions of "Graditude"

Just when you thought you'd seen every possible misspelling of congratulations, Bronwen C. comes along and proves you wrong:

"Contragulations"

And...

"Congentulations?"

Wow. Good thing that telephone cord Fraggle tail is there to distract us, Kristin L. In fact, between that wonky CCC outlining and the insane mounds of icing, I don't think it's even possible to make a more wrecktastic grad cap.

Wait...Remy G., why are you smirking like that?

AAAUUUGGHHH!!!

Right. Ok, I sit corrected; that is the wreckiest grad cap ever.
(That's the sound of a sugar paste gauntlet hitting the floor, folks.)

And here's one from last year:

Word dyslexics rock totally!

Thanks, Kelly F. & Heather M.!


Related Wreckage: Amused Am I

Well, That's Not a Good Sign

Note: You folks following me on the social networking site which shall not be named have already seen this, but it's just too good to keep as a Twits-Only exclusive.

So John and I were cruising around town last weekend looking for good Thrift shops, and lookie what we found instead!

A sign of Wrecks to come, perhaps? :D

Letter VS Spirit

These Wreckerators get points for obeying the customer's instructions to the letter...


Of course, they then LOSE those points for writing the instructions on the cake.

Believe it or not, some folks are starting to ask for Wrecks like these ("Happy Birthday Under Neat That", etc) which adds a whole new level of hilarity when the bakery gets it wrong by getting it right.

For example, Corrie wanted a Wreckplica of the infamous Curious George CCC that said "Cangrtalations Corrie" on it for her graduation cake. She got this:


Granted, I think the decorator captured the true horror of the original Wreck quite well, but she also "corrected" Corrie's intentional misspelling to read "Congrats Carrie!"

Wow, it's like a Wreck to the third power, huh, Corrie? That is so awesome.

And for those of you wondering about the first two: Katelyn W. & Erin M. assure me they're legit. And since they used very sincere fonts, I believe them.

The Future's So Bright..

If the current state of bakery (il)literacy has you down, then consider this: Right now thousands and thousands of new graduates are flooding the workforce, bringing with them all the knowledge, skill, and personal communications excellence that the American educational system has to offer.

Tissue?

Missy F., once you realize this is a CCC [haaaauuu-patooey!], and that it's depicting an apple being devoured by maggots, suddenly the "daz" thing seems that much more tragic.

I'm sensing some confusion, Stephanie G., and it's coming from this direction:

Ah, I see someone took my "When in doubt, scream it" advice to heart! And I like how s/he covered all the bases with that comma/exclamation mark combo.

Libby B. assures me there's a misspelling in here somewhere...

...but looking at that writing makes my eyes feel like they're careening out of control on an oil slick. Ow.

Mercedes W., I was with you until "proud":


We've already seen congratulations/graduation spelling mix-ups, but here Shelby found a mix-up of the actual words:

As you can see, the "n" is so embarrassed he's making a break for it.

Jess S., don't you just hate letters that look the same upside down as right side up? Like H, I, & O?

If only there were some way to know which way was up when you put them all together! Curse you, you vile deceivers of the alphabet! Curse... you!

Oh, and S! S is another one!

'Course, the school logo COULD have been a tick, right, Jade R.?

Gimmie a 'T'!
T!
Gimmie an "Icks"!
ICKS!
What's that spell?
TICKS!
Say it again!
TICKS!
[flourishing red pom-poms]
Yeah, we ain't yo' momma, ain't yo bud,
All we do is suck yo' blood!
Go Ticks! Woo!! Go Ticks!

Related Wreckage: Maximum Irony Has Now Been Achieved

Graduate! Celebrate! "Decorate!"

If you're still planning a party for the graduate in your life, then these bakeries would like you to know that they are ready and willing to provide a whole host of graduation-appropriate cake designs...

On Styrofoam.

Sure, it tends to stick in the molars a bit, but it's extremely low in fat.

NOTE TO BAKERS: Icing tends to slide off of Styrofoam when displayed at an angle.

NOTE TO CUSTOMERS: Regard all cakes stored flat with extreme suspicion from now on.


If for some reason you feel compelled to have a photo of your grad on the cake, then this bakery obliges with either a traditional, "boring," photo, or the hip new "green-out silhouette" option:

Also great for grads in the Witness Protection Program!

And for those customers who may become confused, thinking they have to purchase a cake with someone else's photo on it, this bakery provides a helpful clarification:

Congrats! You spelled "your" wrong!

But suppose your grad is spiritually inclined? How do you tastefully incorporate his or her religious views into a graduation cake? Well, this bakery shows us how...

...not to do it.

And lastly, this bakery wants you to send your graduate a really heartfelt message.


Specifically: "Your face looks like a butt."

Oh, and "your cap is ridiculous, with its teensy little robot arm."


Victoria W., Maya J., Denise R., Leanna P., and Patricia B., "you're thanks here."

Sunday Sweets: Candy!!

Sometimes I take issue with cakes made to look like other food items. However, if the other food items are CANDY, I'm totally willing to let the issue slide.

Hey, Jennifer P., let me see that Tootsie Roll!!

(To the left, to the left...)

Uh, Jennifer, I really was only talking about the cake. Yeah. Sorry. It's neat how you don't throw your back out doing that, though. [clearing throat awkwardly] Very, er...limber.

So, the cake! Yes, let's talk about the cake! It was made by Highland Bakery - the same folks who did that adorable pumpkin & mice beauty last Fall - and the airbrushing on the creased "wrapper" is pretty darn cool in my book.

Jamie H. considers this next one to be the "pride and joy" of her cake portfolio, and it's easy to see why. Hey, I don't mean to gush, but just look at the hand-piped detail on this beauty:

Excellent.

Hey there, Delilah, give me a break: your submission is sooo making me hungry:

(By the terrifyingly talented Michelle Cakes)

And no, I am not going to call Bridgitte a "Smartie-Pants" for sending this next one in:

Those are individual cakes in there, and the whole thing was just under 2 feet long. How creative is that: just open the wrapper and everyone gets their own mini-cake! Foster's Frostings, if I were wearing a hat right now, I would totally tip it to you.

For you PEZ fans, Dani M. found this one made by Rebecca V.:

Plus, Rebecca explains how she made it here.

And lastly, a few adorable candy "medleys":

(Submitted by Kimberly S., and made by Andrea Schwarz.)

Those lollipops and truffles are just the cutest, and the sundae reminds me of the nifty Play-Doh ice cream parlor set I had when I was little - although a lengthy Google search has left me high and dry in the photo department. Drat. I did find the commercial that goes "A tisket, a tasket, a flower-making basket!" though - remember that thing?

And I suppose this post wouldn't be complete without a CandyLand tribute. Jackie S. submitted this one by Cake Central member YoursTrulyTx:


The only "real" candy here is the candy canes. And again, I'm an absolute sucker for those lollipops. (Get it? "Sucker?" Ah, I am on FIRE today.)


As always, if you'd like to nominate a Sweet, send it to Sunday Sweets [at] Cake Wrecks [dot] com.

One Upside to the Economic Downturn...

Is that otherwise unengaged graphic designers have plenty of free time to make Cake Wrecks t-shirts.

Yep, yep, yep. Who says everyone's suffering "in this economy"? I'm making out like an extremely fashionable bandit over here! Check out what the infinitely talented Kate Citrin gifted me with this week:



Awesome, huh? And since I'm such a giver, I've arranged for these lovelies to be available to you commoner Wreckies as well. Just click on the photos to be taken to the appropriate Zazzle page. Oh, and be sure to give lots o' love to Kate, too; I'm sure she'll find working for your praise and virtual high-fives far more satisfying than those pedestrian money-making gigs.

Willy's First Order of Business

Kids get the coolest birthday cakes, don't they? And the younger they are, the more colorful the cake, it seems. Why, just look at this explosive bit of fun little William got to celebrate his first birthday:


Wow, it sure IS "fun to be one" when you have a tombstone for a candle! Yessirree, Willy, urine for a treat with this little number (two)!!

This does look kinda familiar, though. Huh. Now where have I seen this before....?

Oh, now I remember:


Well, if you're going to use the yellow and brown color scheme, you might as well "go" all the way, eh? A "royal flush" of cakedom for a real "whiz kid", if you will?


Caroline S. & Amy G., John and I are trying to eat better. This post may be our first step on the path to skipping many meals.

And Now, MORE Weird Wedding Cakes

Aw, you know you love it.

Monica G. thinks this cake from the Wilton website looks like it's covered with rocks. I, however, say it looks like a pottery project. Covered in rocks.

And here we have...

A fish tank.

In a wedding cake.

That is all.

(Thanks, Phyllis L.)

If that isn't fishy enough for you, though, there's always this option:

(Look closely.) I am amazed, Karin. Completely freaked out, but amazed.

(UPDATE: Nope, these aren't Koi fish. Or imitation crab meat. For a close-up and explanation, go here.)

Laura M. tells me this next one is a "new take on a croquembouche gone awry". Now, I have no idea what a "croquembouche" is, but from looking at the photo...

I'm going to guess it's French for "albino booby tower".

And lastly, let's take a "peep" at Courtney S.'s find:

Hm. Now why does this topper remind me of the final scene in Beetlejuice?

Weird Wedding Cakes

You could argue that some of these aren't exactly Wrecks, but they're just too "good" not to share.

Don't you hate it when the cake eavesdrops, Anne L.?

Here's an oldie but a goodie from Kristen R.:

The alien armada, coming in for a landing.


Inmagine is a stock photo site, so here's hoping this is a joke, Emily S. Or maybe an ad for Big Love? (Gorgeous cake, though, huh?)

I can forgive many things, Dawn M., but forgetting to ice the cake is not one of them.

And here's another classic, found by Lynna at World's Ugliest Wedding Cakes, I believe:

Wow. Remember when Beanie Babies were such a great investment, because their value could only increase? Kind of like our houses four years ago? (Oh, SNAP, economy.) Yeah. Those were good times.


Tune in tomorrow for part two, because oh yes, there are more.

Cake Wrecks, World Educator

I thought you guys might appreciate this e-mail I got today:

Hi Jen,

A friend of mine posted a link to your site, (and) I think I spent about 3 hours yesterday going though your blog when I was supposed to be working on lesson plans for the English class I teach. I am an American English teacher at a big elementary school not far from Seoul, South Korea. My Korean coworkers heard me laughing so hard that they came over to my desk to investigate. Clever as I am, I told them I was working on my next lesson, which I wasn't... until I realized that I WAS!

So today, I decided to ditch the book and instead teach grammar and spelling mistakes from Cake Wrecks. The fourth and fifth graders loved it, and the students were able to correct about 90% of the mistakes! How embarrassing that even Korean elementary school students know better!

Thanks for the great teaching material!

- Carolyn H.

The Cake Wrecks pop quiz - gotta love it.

Here the children are wondering how the U.S. ever became a world power.
(The answer, of course, is Whoopie Pies.)

Carolyn, thanks for helping to spread the Wreckage on such a global scale. Why, by influencing these young minds you've made our bid for ultimate Wrecky world domination that much easier! Tell me, did you perchance introduce the kiddos to their friendly neighborhood Carrot Jockeys?

Maybe We Should Stick with "Good Job"

Graduation season is upon us, and with it comes the irony of those who cannot spell congratulating those who have (hopefully) learned to do so. In writing.

I suppose it would be easier if "graduation" and "congratulations" didn't sound so much alike. As it is, we end up with a lot of Franken-style mash-ups:

Putting a "d" in "congratulations" is now so common that I've had folks tell me it's a new word created specifically for congratulating graduates. [burying face in hands] *sob*

Admit it: Now you want to see a cake that says "Congradulations Gratuates" as much as I do. Well, I don't have one. (Yet.) But I do have some more fun manglings:

"Congratutahons, Sus & Robert!"

What's that? Her name isn't "Sus"? Meh. So Sue me.

After a while you start to see the same mistakes over and over again. There's the "Something's Missing...":

The "End of the Road!":

(Complete with a truly epic grad cap - wow.)

And of course the classic "Letter Switcheroo":

Actually, this is a Switcheroo combined with "Something's Missing", since there's no "e". And while "Gradutas" does sound like something from Taco Bell, it kinda has a nice ring to it, don't you think?

Some decorators successfully navigate the "congratulations/graduation" minefield only to stumble right on the home stretch:

That's quite the stumble though. "Comminsoning?"
(It was supposed to be "commissioning".)

Then there's this...thing:

CCCs with "s"s that look like "g"s, gratuitous ellipses, and sloppy icing piled higher than the cupcakes themselves have no "honor". Only "honers".

Anony, Donna, Sue M., Ila P., Sarah L., Jessica R., Christine H., & Rosalie C., congratutahons! You've gratulated from Wreckporter school!

Insulting Inscriptions 101

Some handy tips when crafting the perfect cake zinger:

1) Don't misspell it.

There's nothing like borrowing song lyrics for a backhanded compliment, but misspell the thing (and omit all the necessary apostrophes) and you come across more crude than clever.

2) Be specific.

Ok, so Charity smells - but what does she smell like? Hmm? Could be roses, or cotton candy. (Mmm, cotton candy...) This is the time to release your inner muse: tell us what putrescent stench Charity is emitting, and really explore your literary space, ok?

3) Keep it simple.


While you're exploring that space, though, don't get so carried away that no one can tell what you're trying to say. Instead of an oddly phrased "Youth Forgot", why not go with something more straightforward? You know, like this:

See, the lack of exclamation marks or capital letters here really brings home juuust the right amount of indifference. Even the off-centered leaning seems to say, "Hey, I got you a cake, alright? Don't go pushing your geezer luck by expecting quality."

And lastly,

4) A little name-calling can go a long way.


Again, creativity is king here. Just watch your penmanship; that "Fink" could almost be mistaken for "Tink".

Thanks to this next one I think I've found my new favorite pet name for John:

Brilliant!

Kathryn R., Laura I., Sonya L., Mercedes R., Beth, & Kelli A., obviously your fathers smelled of elderberries.

Panic at the Disco

Ashley R. is the one who makes all the "cool" cakes for her friends' birthdays, so when it came time for her own birthday her friend Kat decided to order her a "super spectacular" professional cake. Kat gave the baker this photo of Ashley's favorite band, Panic at the Disco:

...and she asked that the cake look like lead singer Brendon Urie (2nd from left).

Now, this can't be the best photo of Urie out there - I mean, he's gnawing on a bunch of flowers - so you have to pity the baker a little.

Well, until you see this, that is:

"Hey you guuuuys!!"

Now you're just pitying Ashley, right?

If you're like me, you're not going to be able to tear your eyes away from this thing for a while. That's Ok, though; I'll wait.

[whistling]


Poor Kat had the cake delivered right to Ashley's door, so she didn't see it herself until after she arrived at the party to find everyone backed wide-eyed against the walls in a defensive line. Then, when they tried to cut the thing, they found it was covered with rock-hard rice krispy treats and tasted bad to boot. Still, all was not lost: Upon discovering that the mouth and nostrils were hollow, the party-goers amused themselves by sticking stuff in them.

Ah, Ashley, it's nice to hear your friends are my kind of friends. I'd have some red licorice strips up those nostrils faster than you can say "deranged man found beaten to death by his own hand".