Saturday, December 19, 2009

The Spirit Didn't Just Move; It Threw Up

Saturday, December 19, 2009

You know that neighbor - the one whose house is currently covered in a full Big Lots' worth of blinking lights, inflatable snowmen, plastic nativity scenes, candy cane fence posts, and Santa-hat-wearing flamingos? Yeah, that one.

Turns out, s/he is also in the cake business.

Oh no you don't - no scrolling down just yet! This, my friends, is a cake worth savoring.

Why don't you call a friend over, click on the photo to enlarge it, and then take a few moments to count how many pieces of plastic there are? Next you can debate whether "Christmas" is two different colors to call attention to "Christ" or because someone ran out of red icing. Then, just for funsies, estimate how many bottles of sprinkles were poured on to make that thick crunchy coating.

Frankly, we could be here all day.


Ok, fully savored? Good.

Now, imagine being a business person, and one looking to expand that business. Would you - hypothetically speaking - think the above cake would be an effective marketing tool?

Why do I ask? Uh...well...

I know the mad sprinkle action makes it hard to tell, but that red paper is actually a business card - and of a wedding planner.

Yes, a wedding planner.

Who wants you to hire him.

To plan your wedding.

Is your friend still there? Good. Next time killer: imagine a wedding thematically congruent with that cake. Maybe draw a few pictures. Then send them to me - cuz THIS I gotta see.


To be honest, A. Nony, I'm a little jealous: this would've been a brilliant way for me to send my own holiday greetings out.

- Related Wreckage: Ye Olde Yuletide Ax


UPDATE: Well, I can't say I didn't ask for this. Heheh.

Marian Murdoch (who is a rockin' photographer, btw) cracked me up with the little bridge & Santa/officiator, but the best part is that shocked snowman. You can almost hear him saying, "OMG, Mary? Is that you?!?"

Then we have Fanboy Wife's creation:

Oh yes, it's all there - right down to the bonus-points-scoring red rickrack up the side of the bride's dress. That kind of attention to detail is what really sets you Wreckerators apart!

Another Update: Ok, one more, from 15-year-old Kelsie:


Love the children's choir. ;)
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Today's charity, Habitat for Humanity, builds houses for those in need. Donations go towards building materials, and volunteers help partner families build. The homes are sold to these families at no profit, so that the mortgage payments can be used to build still more Habitat houses around the world. Nifty, no?

Click here to donate your dollar via our First Giving Campaign Page, or go the extra mile and help build a house near you.
Fluffy Cow said...

Oh. My....

Um... is that really sprinkles? Or did those bakers have serious scalp conditions??? Egad. I think I need to walk away for a minute.

Jamie said...

Am I the only one that finds it a bit morbid to have the Nativity scene with a giant cross over it? I mean...this was supposedly taking place a long time before the cross became a symbol for Christ, so isn't this sort of like having the Nativity scene with some gallows in the background? If I was Mary I would be thinking, "Wow, really? Someone is getting ready to crucify somebody right next to the stable where I'm having my child. That's classy." Talk about foreshadowing....over a BABY.

Stephanie said...

Augh! My eyes! My eyes! Too much to process! Not to mention my stomach hurts just THINKING about all that sugar!

On a more serious note, I'm happy to see Habitat for Humanity featured today. I went on a service project with them my freshman year of college and it was a wonderful experience. :)

ryglights said...

Decoratoritis, anyone??

wv: reveng (what I could expect from my friends if I DARED make a cake like this for their holiday party!!

Carrie said...

Just saw the book on the Today Show this morning! Cool!

Kore said...

I agree that the cross hanging over baby Jesus is totally creepy. It's like saying "Hey, welcome to the world kid! By the way, you're going to be tortured to death later, so enjoy your short life while you can!"

Anonymous said...

Wow. Don't drink and decorate.

Kat said...

Ok, gotta say...it looked like someone made the Candy Land game into a cake...just wow.

Kevin said...

What's up with the Bridge Over the River Kwai?

The Cookie Girl said...

Bawahahahaha!!!! I so needed this little pick me up today. What a sugar rush I have from all those sprinkles.

Sarah said...

Wow - were these decorated by the same person? They're almost exactly the same, down to the organization of the plastic flotsam and the positioning of the images! Talk about lack of creativity (and a certain discerning eye for aesthetic!)!!

Anonymous said...

Nothing like snorking my breakfast eggnog! I think what really threw it over the edge was the plastic ruffle around the bottom.

And a wedding planner....*ROFLMAO* My Big Fat Plastic Wedding anyone?

scerings: My retinas received quite the scerings from the glare of the sprinkles.

Karenlibrarian said...

Over the river and through the woods. . . to Joseph and Mary's we go!!

The whole thing is just wrong.

racheld said...

Kits. They HAVE to be kits. The random impossibility of two bakers reaching into that bottomless box and pulling out sleigh, bridge, two snowmen, trees and light bulbs for separate cakes is astronomical.

And the face that they MUST BE kits, put together on purpose, piece by piece, for just THIS purpose. . .ohhhh, cruel World.

The worst part is that there are two actual HOUSES tarted up like this, with bridge and kissy-kids a permanent fixture, then all the other geegaws scattered into the mix----that I CAN SEE FROM MY FRONT DOOR!! Right now, blazing away through the snowfall.

My Daddy took one long Southern look at it once, and drawled, "Ain't a THANG left in K-Mart, is there?"

Anne said...

I feel guilty by association for having the same Christmas present labels as shown in the first one. I vow not to use a single piece of plastic flotsam or sprinkle in my holiday baking as expiation for this.

Severina said...

Holy crap, talk about trying to cover all the bases.

Perhaps there was a sale at the Dollar Tree on the Bag O'Christmas Crap?

S3XinthePantry said...

So you've seen that house on the corner of my block?

Love your charity links with every post!! YOU ROCK!

Terry Lee said...

yes, yes. the cross is bothersome to me, in a manger scene.

but the cake, as a whole, is just plain ridiculous. both of 'em.

sometimes, more is not more. in this case, more is grotesque.

Anonymous said...

gives a whole new meaning to "winter wonderland"

Beccy said...

I personally love that there are only six reindeer pulling Santa's sleigh. 'Cause adding the other three would make the cake too busy.

Kathleen in Canada said...

In the second cake, judging by the angle of the hill, I think Santa just cried a river over the cake.

And, yes, that cross over baby Jesus is really morbid LOL

Severina said...

You know we southerners think Santa is one of the Three Wise Men.

I'm not quite so sure about Frosty the Snowman or the Giant Lightbulbs, since I did sleep through that part of Sunday school.

katy said...

I made the top wreck my desktop background so that I may savour it every day, all day, until Merry ChristMAS day comes around ^___^ bravo!

Gotta Be KD said...

All it needs is some "Christmas stars" from Chappy Chanukah...

Rebekah said...

I counted 21 pieces of plastic on the first "cake". That is if Santa's sleigh and reindeer only count as one.

Viewtiful_Justin said...

Just thinking about cruching into a piece of this cake makes me gag a little. I need to look away. Ick.

Lady Anne said...

Oh, lawsy! I went off to see Yvette's site and about had a fit. My husband had to come in and see what was going on. One of my granddaughters is getting an engagement ring for Christmas, so of course I had to send it to her, too.

Yes, absolutely - that site and those cakes go together.

feathergirl said...

I think I just got ADD from those cakes.

Anonymous said...

Why is the giant gray cross near the "nativity" next to Dandruff Mountain?

bunnyqueen said...

I counted 20~21 plastic ornaments on the first one...yeah, I stared into that long enough to count.

Claire said...

These kinda remind me of those I Spy books for little kids. "I spy a button, some candles, and snow...." hahaha

KatjaMouse said...

I feel so very sorry for that wedding planner. I bet they dropped off their business card for contact information or so they can spell the company name right. Even better, if they wanted the design to be the inspiration for how they wanted the cake to look. I'd be mortified if I were that business owner.

Rachel said...

What is with the first cake? The cross coming from the little manger shows as upside down! Who exactly was born in the manger? Yikes. I'd be a little scared of this cake in real life... you know: millions of flies coming at the window, black tar in the toilet, people with their head spinning in circles saying all sorts of f bombs about the big J... Nothing says Merry Christmas like an inverted cross I guess

Gary said...

More evidence of people's increasing inability to make hard decisions. Can't decide what design to use for the cake? Just throw EVERYTHING on there, including some burned-out light bulbs.

"Ain't a THANG left in K-Mart, is there?"
Racheld, your Daddy's comment made me laugh out loud.

Mellodee said...

Well, I am offering myself as the exception....I liked them. It looks a lot like the homemade Christmas village we do each year. From the cake wreck perspective I concede that they're wrecks, but so is the Christmas Village. As for the cross, well, its a very good example of foreshadowing, a writer's device, that adds a hint of what is to come. The problem here is that the "shadow" is too prominent. It should be much paler and less well- defined. Ok, I'm ready for the slings and arrows!

Cindy said...

The upper cake as a skirt. As a final indignity, it has been given a lace skirt. Cakes should not wear skirts.

Anonymous said...

Rachel, I think the inverted cross is supposed to be a clever shadow of the manger's beams, with some, ahem, foreshadowing.
But an inverted cross is associated with St. Peter, who didn't deem himself worthy to be crucified in the same manner as Jesus and thus asked to be crucified upside down (which is even more unpleasant), or so the story goes. This cake appears to foreshadow that, too!

Word verification: alitypo - The Happy Hallidays cake from the other day had alitypo, even if it was in icing and not typed.

joanne said...

Um, seriously? Christmas light bulbs? Does the cake light up too? (wouldn't that be SWEET!) or are they just recycling old glass bulbs and sticking them on a wintry scene, like THAT makes sense. They're just mingling among the trees.

Now, what is the logic of a 3D winter scene and a 2D comic strip of carolers and/or the nativity scene? and a sprinkle OUTLINE? sprinkles don't work well for an outline. Is that 3D sleigh lurking on the mysterious mountain going to mount an assault on the unawares 2D characters?

Btw, love the foreshadowing of Christ's death at his birth, with a cross and a creepy shadow cast from it. *shudder* Wreckerator, do you know how long it took me to get my preschoolers to understand that they didn't crucify BABY Jesus? thanks a lot! great way to confuse the issue!

That wedding planner would have been better off with yesterdays xmas balls or penguins promoting seasonings. YAH.

wv: sultale--These cakes are an in-sultale to everything decent about Christmas and cakery!

Anonymous said...

@Jamie LOL. very creepy! not to mention the SHADOW of the foreshadowed cross. punny, and creepy!

wv: parri -- fencing term, of course. time to impale the cake with a fencing foil after the flotsam, trees, and lights!

Anonymous said...

@Karenlibrian ROFLMAO Good one!

Terry said...

Unfortunately I have been really busy lately and didn't see the charity suggestion post, but if it hasn't already been mentioned (or even selected!) I'd like to suggest the Alzheimer's Association as a charity for people to consider.

As someone who lost his grandfather to a long struggle with the disease, it's a cause very near and dear to my heart. I've been participating in Memory Walk fundraisers for the last 5 years to help raise money for research.

If anyone is interested in more information about the Alzheimer's Association and how you can help, their website is:
http://www.alz.org/

If you'd like to find a Memory Walk in your area, go to this address:
http://www.alz.org/memorywalk/

Also, lastly, if you feel the urge to donate, here is my personal donation page for this year's walk:
http://memorywalk2010.kintera.org/columbus/tstreet10walk

Thanks.

Cyndi said...

I think you and I both know what kind of wedding that planner creates - streamers, balloon arches, plastic flowers, paper bells, confetti sprinkles on the tables. Redneck-tastic!

WV: hayedl - The bales used for seats at the reception hayedl over the place.

WATERBABY CHRISTINE said...

Everybody now: Dashing through the NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

wv: thene
A Nativity thene to offend every one.

Anonymous said...

LOL @ EVERYONE today! And yes Anon @ 10:42. That winter wonderland makes me wonder...cross, bulbs and all.

And if this is a kit, what happens in the lower right half of the cake is up to the artist, er, wreckerator I presume. I wonder if the hill is part of the kit....

Happy Campers said...

I really like the subtle white tulle ruffles UNDER the cake too. Because it needed a little embellishment.

Anonymous said...

Oh my. Does anyone else see that golden stream of "sprinkles" around the nativity scene? Reminds me of yellow snow...

Yarn Princess said...

Please, please, PLEASE tell me that those weren't glass ornaments and light bulbs on those cakes!!!!That kind of crunchy is definitely a no-no!

ACBatz said...

Oh. Oh my. I'm a wedding planner and I just had the BEST idea about how to drum up some more business for the 2010 season...

Everyone, expect to see my frosting coated card at your engagement party! I'll make sure the lettering matches the icing

Anonymous said...

There's ornaments with those bulbs, too. And "giant" snowman eating poinsettias among the trees. And powdered sugar"snow" over everything. dimming those bulbs! oh yeah, they don't light.

the bridge...wtf?

Just Me,Pilgrim said...

my eyes are bleeding.

Rene said...

My husband's utterly snort-worthy comment on the first cake? "It looks like some kid peed in the snow!" (Referring on course to those yellow sprinkles). It's cakes like these that make me so glad I know a good baker...

Rene

Deborah in California said...

There are Christmas tree lightbulbs "strategically" placed on the first cake. Full-sized Christmas tree lights. Not a row of them, to look like a string of lights, just a few. In amongst the snowmen and Nativity scene... (and the cross)... Like a eggnog-fueled nightmare.

Inexplicable. Alarming.

Step away from the plastic! Step away from the plastic "decor" and nobody gets hurt!

Merry merry...

Siouxzr said...

At first I was put off by the cross and cross shadow at the nativity -- but I know there are churches that include the death and resurrection of Jesus in their humongous Christmas pagents. I like the one's that end with the wise men showing up. One thing you generally don't find is Santa gayly sledding by the manger on a sunami of sprinkles tossing gifts out to heaven knows who.
If I have learned anything from the Simpsons, it is that "Desserts aren't always right."

Cyndi said...

I see a spot they left bare....
Coincidence or...?


wv:recoma-These cakes make the recently well,want to re-coma.

Renée said...

Thinking about eating the sprinkles really made me get the chills because I thought it would be a lot like chewing on sand.

Also, has anyone else noticed that cake #2 is resting on what looks to be a dirty shopping cart? With an even dirtier chair in the corner? It made me think about what the wedding planners kitchen must look like and then I felt bad for anyone that was going to actually have to eat that cake. ick.

Anonymous said...

I'm glad I stopped to savour that first one. Looked at it once and went "yuck!". Then I enlarged the picture to really... well, savour, it. I don't understand why there is a cake underneath that wintery landscape. When I saw the lace at the edges, that was the final straw. It is too much for my brain to comprehend!

Marian Murdoch said...

Oh Jen, Jen, Jen... you challenged me! In your email box is a drawing of the "real life" wedding inspired by the wedding planner wreck. What a fun way to spend a Saturday afternoon, haha!

drgns4vr said...

I'm so glad I came late today to this post. Yikes!
(And we have a guy in the neighborhood who has about 127 blow up penguins in his tiny lot--he adds more every year--some years even has a mega-screen tv showing penguin movies. No cake though.)

Anonymous said...

EEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!

It's tackychristmasyards.com come to life!!

Rosalind said...

The best Christmas ever thanks to you and your wonderful idea. It just feels so good to give every day rather than deal with the rush at the Malls. Hope you do this again next year!

Happy Holidays from Nana, who takes longer and longer at this site as there is so much to do!
wv: bineed, I bineed to give some more!

Kimberly Chapman said...

My 4 year old came in when I had the first picture expanded and I asked her what she thought of it. She thought it was pretty cool, but she's *4*. I asked her if she liked all that stuff on it. She said, "Well, it's okay. But can we EAT IT?"

I said, "Actually, you can't eat most of those little shapes. They're plastic."

She said, "Oh, then there's too much plastic on it. Can I see the babies on carrots now?"

So I went back to the main page and asked her why she thought the babies were riding the carrots. She said, "Because there's no rabbit." There you have it, mystery solved.

As to the scale issue between the babies and carrots, she said, "It's just a joke. A really silly joke."

wv: fronsai The last word screamed by a suicidal palm tree enthusiast.

shaneforwax said...

YES! I'm finally caught up! i just started reading a couple days ago and I'm CAUGHT UP! I can post a comment people will SEE.

Ahem... anyways. Yes I have a neighbor who drowns their lawn in decorations. It's cute but... a bit much I say!

My brain shut down trying to name everything on those cakes. Jiminy.

Tauna said...

My ADHD children could have made a classier cake, and probably could come up with a nicer wedding theme too!!! Dang!

crazycrafter said...

How bad can these bakers get!? Hee hee... those are so funny. Your blog always makes me laugh!

Bree said...

I can understand someone wanting to celebrate both the secular and religious aspects of Christmas, but this is not the way to do it. Not to mention that inverted cross...makes you wonder if Rosemary's Baby is in that manger instead!

Stephanie H said...

I always cringe when they have Santa AND a Nativity scene in the same place....

Mama Caguama said...

I looked and I looked and I looked and I looked.

I give up.

Where IS Waldo?

Joanne said...

What? No menorah? He was Jewish after all.

GirlyGirlBags said...

I want to know why all the huskies left the yellow snow around the nativity scene???

Christopher said...

One of my favorite posts ever, Jen.

The missus and I actually enlarged the first photo and did the analysis before we read the comments.

Me, a pastry chef and her, a cake artist just cannot believe some of the things that people actually charge money for.

Kudos to you for using your powers for the good of others this Holiday Season.

Merry Christmas to you and John and a wrecky New Year!!


WV - dearr - dearr Lord, what were these wreckerators thinking?

Anonymous said...

WHere's Waldo? Surely he's in there somewhere, with all the other stuff!

Just me said...

My favorite charity! Yeah! I am in love with Habitat for Humanity. I have given my time and money and received more in return than I ever thought possible.

Saw your book on the Today show this morning. Keep wrecking!

Anonymous said...

Oh yes. The two-color icing was to bang us over the head with "keep Christ in Christmas"--didja notice the ominous dark shadow of a cross front-and-center of the faceless Nativity? Jeez!
I guess the buzzkill was to balance the Santa-and-deer, the treeline, the RIVER (which I kinda like, especially because in the smaller version, it looks like the snowman is contemplating jumping), the LIGHTBULBS...Oy!
--Blondie's Mom
PS Did anyone else wonder who "killer" was? As in "next time killer"? No? Just me? Oh well

Anonymous said...

@ drgns4vr-- OMG, I think you must be talking about the penguin house we look forward to driving by every year... because we DON'T live in that neighborhood! (How many can there be??) You have to keep circling around to take it all in, and even then, there's probably still stuff we miss! That place was what I was thinking of, too, when I saw the cakes today!

-CC

Anonymous said...

Blondie's Mom again.
I see by finally reading the other posts that that cross really creeps us out. I'll be surprised if there isn't a little plastic Martin Luther on the back of the cake hammering on a sprinkle-encrusted church door.
drgns4vr: better send up the searchlight for Batman!
Mama Caguama: LOL! I think Waldo's with Martin Luther, holding that menorah for Joanne.
Beccy: LOL
And can someone explain the "wv"s to me? I sort of get it...

cupcakes.gr said...

Light bulbs? On a cake????

I hope they are plastic!

Anonymous said...

There is glass on that cake! Anyone for a little broken glass?

Anonymous said...

The foreshadowing of the Cross would actually be kind of interesting art, if it was by itself and not flung in with the flotsam.

WV: shbouti. Wasn't there a cool old song with that word in it?

Jo said...

Nice artwork, people! Love the shocked snowman. and the Santa hat on crucified Jesus. Too bad Poo-dolph missed the festivities!

Hyena Overlord said...

AGhhhhhhhhh! no Amount of Zmas booze or years of ytping lesson can compile a repy beyond Ashghhhhhh@11!!! MY Gram would be ashamed!

wv: (since I was here part of it's inception) hahfst...."they made a hafst attempt to decorate a cake."

Mira8 said...

whenever I see a religious wreck I think of Lisa Simpson, referring to the "California Prunes Christmas" -- that was offensive to Christians AND prunes!

Anonymous said...

The foreshadowing cross is pretty standard tradition for the nativity scene (the wise men's gifts, countless carols, etc), but the actual art is pretty tacky. I mean, the whole point of the Christmas story is supposed to be foreshadowing and symbolism. That doesn't mean you can't be a bit more artful.

All of which distracts us from the fact that there are lightbulbs on that cake.

THERE ARE LIGHTBULBS ON THE CAKE.

LIGHTBULBS HIDDEN IN ICING.

Good lord.

Amy said...

Haha, it looks like kids put these together! :)

It could be a Christian cake. I have a teacher who will emphasize CHRIST in every word that contains it ^^;;

Amy

Jo said...

Blondie's Mom: the wv took me a while to figure out too.

When you leave a comment, you need to type the word verification in the box below in order for your comment to be sent to the site.

Sometimes, the word strikes people funny and they add it to their comment with a definition or interpretation of it.

ex. my current WV is "matedi."

so, I could write something about it. like:
wv: matedi. How a person with a speech impediment might pronounce "martedi," which is "Tuesday" in French. Or how a French preschooler might spell it.

Not the best of examples, but there ya go. :)

Anonymous said...

Here's one for matedi--
Little Johnny told matedi her gray hair.

here's mine. vilesu. What someone would say to Sue when she shows her ill manners.

Suzanne Dargie said...

The Fanboy Wife's drawing is SO funny! Especially with the extension cord running along the aisle and the broken gingerbread man cookie laying there, and of course the Jesus on the Crucifix wearing a Santa hat! That stuff is exactly what you'd see for sure if the person who made that cake planned a wedding. Those cakes should be thrown in the garbage!!!!!!

Melissa (& Billy) said...

Okay. I like sprinkles but the outside of a cake should NOT be crunchy (unless the sides are covered with almonds or something. Or Heath bar. that's okay too.).

LOL the fan art is hysterical. Especially the Santa hat on the crucifix. Let's hear it for having an irreverent Christmas! XD

Audrey said...

Jen, you are obviously a very particular and gifted wordsmith, so I wanted to make one small correction to your post about Habitat for Humanity.

I am the Family Services Director for an affiliate in Indiana, and I would like to point out that we build homes WITH families, not FOR them. Each family contributes hundreds of hours to the organization, learning about managing their finances and home maintenance, and building their (and other families') houses. It's a joy to work with these families, and I hope many people will join us!

AJ said...

Wow! Just... wow... Seriously, worst. cake. ever.

wv: fulsono

When I saw that cake I think I fulsono'ed in my mouth a little.

Bookworm said...

Jesus.You could play I Spy in the first two and it would take hours..

Dreamybee said...

Just wanted to let you know that I didn't donate through your First Giving page, but I did send in a donation to my local Habitat for Humanity chapter. Thanks again for doing this-I can't wait to see the final totals!

Jennifah said...

IS Jesus on the cross behind that couple wearing a SANTA HAT!?!? And where Is the priest marrying them?

Jessica said...

I love how in the middle picture there is a gingerbread man in the aisle, like he was part of the flowers thrown!!

Julie who loves cakewrecks, who's daughter now also watches for them in the store said...

The kind of wedding that comes to mind? For me, it was immediately that episode of Rosanne where she plans the wedding for her gay boss from the restaurant. Yeeesh...