Friday, December 18, 2009

Seasoning's Greetings

Friday, December 18, 2009

There are plenty of reasons why you might not want to wish someone a merry Christmas.

Maybe you're trying to be more inclusive of the cooking community:


Or you're celebrating the oft-overlooked "Hally Days":


Or perhaps you want all of their various "hollidays" to be happy:


Or maybe - just maybe - you're trying to get your friend Roxanna a goodbye cake but all the bakery has on hand are stock Merry Christmas designs so you're forced to make do with one of those and then hope the Wreckerator on duty doesn't screw up your instructions too badly.

But that's just a guess.


Annie J., Kat I., April B., & Kimberly I., I think it's high time we all agreed that "Winter, underlined" really is the best greeting of the season - don't you?

- Related Wreckage: In Which Happy Tanks SHOULD Be Given, But Are Not

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Today's charity, Love146, has one simple, compelling, gut-wrenching goal: "The abolition of child sex slavery and exploitation. Nothing less." If you have a box of tissues nearby, read how they got their name. Then go give that dollar - or maybe a few.

Click here to donate via our First Giving Campaign page.

amylu said...

Have got to say, I love the kidneys at the top of the cookie cake. Just really sets the whole thing off!

carriedavis81 said...

Why are there kidneys on the "Happy Hollidays" cake?

Mike Owens said...

Lol, the cakes like the last wreck never get old. How dense do you have to be (or how much must you hate your job) to miss something like that? Forget for a minute that someone actually piped that onto a cake without a long head-scratching and finally an "Ah-HA!" moment, but they also SOLD that cake. It is just amazing that anyone could actually read an order and really think to themselves "well I am supposed to write what is in the 'inscription' area of the order form, so I guess they really want the cake to say that." Amazing. (exclamation point instead of period)

WV: Desem as in desemcakes, or cakes that have been utterly destroyed by a wreckorator.

Kimberly Chapman said...

Ah, never a shortage of people who make that last mistake, eh?

BTW is there somewhere where we can see current totals of what's been raised for all the charities? I tried going to the First Giving page with just cakewrecks but it's the Heifer page.

Naomi Zikmund-Fisher said...

Don't forget that those Hallidays are especially cheery when being attacked by some sort of fluorescent blue octopus.

wv: oritami -- origami spelled by a wreckorator

Catherine said...

In reference to the first cake, it would actually be a sweet cake if you wrote "Seasoning's Greetings" but decorated the cake with holiday-ized images of Salt, Pepper and Paprika from Blues Clues.

WV: tridest. I tridest cake-makin' business, but I be havin' no luck.

Amy said...

Hey, I live in Holliday (Missouri)! So I kind of like the "Happy Hollidays"!

Jeanette said...

Oh Jen, you are the greatest!
LOL, didn't you know the first one is the picture for the penguin BBQ recipe? The second cake can't say "Holly" (or 'Holi') days because there's no holly to be found...just huge blue clumpy roses. The last one, well of course it is the future cover of a Christmas / Winter / Snow specialty book for next year - right? ;-)

wv: triebrow Part of the penguin recipe- take 3 penguins on a spit. Triebrow till crackling brown- seasoning to taste.
p.s. My daughter LOVES penguins and is going to be VERY upset with me.

Connie Moreno said...

Man, I love those cakes, LOL! I would like to say that you have made me aware of an unspeakable horror. I wish I could donate more to Love 146, I really do.

Albatross said...

Oh my goodness - that last one deserves a place in the hall of fame, next to the "Underneat That" cake.

Anne said...

Would you believe that yesterday I stood in line behind a woman with that exact same cake design as the wishing goodbye in place of merry Christmas cake? At least hers came out unwrecked (it just said Merry Christmas or something boring like that). She did pay only $16.99 for it, just as an FYI.

Anonymous said...

Someone's been watching the baseball trade rumors closely, with the Halliday and Holliday cakes... The Holliday cake isn't from Philly, is it?

Rob Morris said...

Wow! Thank you so much for featuring Love146 today! I really appreciate your generosity and your desire to see a world where children are protected, defended, restored and empowered!

-Rob Morris
President
Love146
www.love146.org
http://twitter.com/ROBLOVE146

Mirei said...

Actually, the Seasoning's Greetings cake is kind of cute with the penguins. It's just the inscription that makes it a Wreck.

I love this site! I come on here every day if I need a laugh, and now I look out for cake wrecks when I'm at the grocery store.

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad I read the comments. It clears things right up. I thought the things on top of the cookie cake were lungs. Now I know they are kidneys.
Thank you fellow wreckies.

Anonymous said...

Is there a way we can donate on the First Giving page by Paypal?

Anonymous said...

Oh, the second one is obviously a get-well wish for French rocker Johnny Hallyday. He's been recording for something like 30 years, is wildly popular with young and old alike, and is currently recovering from major surgery in LA. He might look like 40 miles of bad road, but his concerts are a blast.

Terry Lee said...

i get a headache sometimes trying to second-guess these wreckeraters. wait. is that what we call them?

okay, i need another cup of coffee before i can proceed.

{pouring coffee ... sipping coffee ... waking up}

nope. i still can't understand what these people were thinking.

wait. that's it! they weren't.

Suzanne Dargie said...

The penguins are so cute on the first one that I didn't notice at first that it said "Seasonings Greetings!" and then I laughed even harder! Mmmmmm,roast penguin!
Ironically, our local(Toronto)newspaper has an editorial cartoon of a Christmas card with the message "Happy Halladays" written on it, because the Toronto Blue Jays just traded pitcher Roy Halladay to the Philadelphia Phillies!

VanDyks said...

I wonder if Roxanna felt honoured to get a wreck? :D

And you were right. I read the info on how they got their name. And I cried. What an excellent charity. Thank you for choosing it today.

Anonymous said...

Maybe the wreckorator of the first cake used peppercorns, instead of chocolate chips. So really it's a warning and not a mistake at all?

Jiminycricket said...

I now plan to just say, "We'll miss you, Roxanna." It's the new "Happy Holidays," really, and will probably offend fewer people.

FiberQat said...

Mmm. Penguins. They taste good sprinkled over roast chicken.

Sabrina said...

The last one is my favorite!

Wild Cakes said...

While I am sure its far too late to add another charity to your list, today's put me in mind of another good cause that I thought I would mention: http://www.warchild.ca/

War Child Canada is a registered Canadian charity dedicated to providing urgently needed humanitarian assistance to war-affected children around the world. War Child Canada helps generate awareness, support and advocacy for children's rights everywhere.

Remerdre said...

Poor Roxanna. That one had me laughing out loud at my desk and then trying to convince my boss I was finding something funny about the quarterly report.

Viewtiful_Justin said...

The Roxanne cake is an instant classic! Oh my gosh! Whomever bought the cake for Suzanne(a?) with the original "Under Neat That" cake would be proud.

Etaven said...

Hee. I like the Seasoning's Greetings.

As for the charity, what a worthy cause. Donating right now.

The Vagabond Priest said...

Bwahahahahaha! Did the "In place of Merry Christmas" baker also do the "Under Neat That" cake of yore? Bwahahahahaha!

uwwheidi said...

Wow, I'm so glad I took the time to suggest Love146. I never dreamed it'd make the top 12 list.

Anonymous said...

I love the penguins... I want that cake, wrecked and all.. looks so yummy

Rebecca said...

As a Philadelphia Phillies phan (that's a baseball team, Jen), I'm wondering if these cakes are celebrating something else:

The acquisition of Roy Halladay, quite possibly the best pitcher in baseball, from the Toronto Blue Jays. ...Just in time for Christmas.

Still wrecks, though!

~Rebecca

Jacques said...

Though it did distract me from the spelling for a brief moment, in terms of overall aesthetics it doesn't help that second one to have a decomposing bluebottle fly on it.

Anonymous said...

This is my favorite holiday post so far! Seasoning's greetings, happy hallydays, and the decorator writing down the instructions on the cake--CLASSIC! I love it.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the great charity drive-- I laugh, I cry... I do that during the holidays, anyway, but at least this year I can better pinpoint the reasons. :D

Nanny said...

I'm ready for school to be out. I had to read the comments before I read "seasonings."

Becky said...

"In Place of"

ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?

WHERE DO THEY FIND THESE PEOPLE!!!

blueiguana said...

@ Jiminycricket: "We'll miss you Roxanna" to you, too - LOL

Loved the last one - those wrecks are my favorites.

deemack said...

What seasonings go best with penguin? Perhaps a little oregano?

Gary said...

"Seasoning's Greetings" is actually a nice-looking cake (or cookie? It's a nice looking something). It would be a good accompaniment to the box of excellent spices my brother gave me for Christmas last year.
... If it's meant to say "Season's Greetings," though, the season must be summer, since in the Southern Hemisphere, where penguins live, December is in the summer.

As for "We'll miss you, Roxanna, in place of Merry Christmas," I just can't figure out why they'll only miss here there, and not in other places as well. Maybe Roxanna always played the lead in the local Christmas pageant?

Caitlin Wyckoff said...

I was in a parade this year, and instead of yelling out "Merry Christmas!" I yelled "Winter, underlined!"
I couldn't tell if anybody got the reference but it did make people smile! :)

Melissa (& Billy) said...

Oh Lord, the "in place of Merry Christmas". Just...*facepalm*

The penguins are cute, and you can actually tell what they are! I had to read it twice to figure out what was wrong with it. XD

Hee, I was at my local supermarket bakery last night but to their credit I have to say that they are decidedly wreck-free. Even their display photo cake was dust-free. There were some smooshed cupcakes in the case that had fallen over but that was an accident. There was even a CCC (ptooie!) with a plastic Santa kit that actually looked cute!

Maybe someone at the bakery reads CW? =D

Stephanie said...

" He might look like 40 miles of bad road, but his concerts are a blast."
BAHAHAHA!!! I've never been to a Johnny Hallyday concert, so I can't verify the last part of that statement, but the first part is a pretty accurate assessment. :P

Oh, and the Wrecks are hysterical, especially the last one.

madfishmonger said...

This charity is incredible. The dedication these people have to fighting a war most of us would rather believe doesn't exist...I don't even know what to say.

Amanda said...

Not fair. I'm trying to laugh at the cakes but instead I'm sitting here crying from the story on Love 146. Thank you Jen and John for bringing this charity to our attention and for running such an awesomely hilarious website.

Confessions of a Mother, Lawyer & Crazy Woman said...

Who orders a giant kidney-cookie cake? I feel like that is not a bestseller.

Anonymous said...

Is that pock mark on Roxanna's cake from someone's finger? Or from her own heavy tears? If it turns out she's leaving the company that made this cake, maybe it was out of gratitude for her own sort of Independence Day!

Gracie said...

Love it! Love it! Love it! Thanks so much for taking the time to share your gift (the pictures AND the commentary!)

Was baking cupcakes with my nieces today, and had to hold in the chuckles when all of them kept chiming "I want sprinkles! I want sprinkles!" The under 10 crowd has no appreciation for Cake Wrecks!

Anonymous said...

I actually like the last cake in spite of what they did to the "message" on the cake.

Ashley said...

I really hope your going to do a post and tell us all the amount that was riased for all the charities! love it!

Joan Bennett said...

Two weeks ago I participated in a local fashion show fundraiser for Love146, it's so great to see them getting some attention! They are awesome and it is such a worthy cause. I love that you are doing your part to make sure the holiday is about giving to others rather than about "getting stuff". Thanks, Cakewrecks!

Anonymous said...

YOu made me cry at work with that link.

Jamie Reed said...

Today's charity touched me. I was so sickened by how people can do this to little children I decided to donate my lunch money. Thank you for bringing ALL of these great charity's to light. I have donated a little something everday and have posted a link on my Facebook page everday hoping that my friends and family will feel inclined to share as well. Thank you for CW for opening your hearts and using your web-fame for good!

Jamie Reed said...

Dear Powers That Be at CW :) You may already have the rest of your charity's picked out to finish of your days of giving, however, if you don't I would like to throw one out there. The Mission Continues is a charity that works with injured Service Members who will not be able to return to "normal" jobs, but still want to contribute to society. The objective is to teach these wounded heroes skills so that their communities may see them as an asset and not an inconvienence. I have personally met the found Eric Grietens and have heard him speak. I also know one of their "fellows" and how much his life was changed. http://missioncontinues.org/

Thank you for all you are doing!

Jerry said...

I just made a small donation to Love146. I'm glad you are doing this and hope everyone who can make a donation will.

That said why is there a big squashed blue bug on the first cake?

Mel said...

Thank you for letting us be a part of helping these wonderful charities! I wanted to nominate an organization called Love Thy Neighbor (lovethyneighbor.org), which gives homeless folks culinary training. It is a really small group, which you'll be able to tell from their modest website, but a worthwhile cause nonetheless. (Here's how I first heard of them: http://www.thisamericanlife.org/Radio_Episode.aspx?sched=1094)
Again, thanx! You rule!

Regina said...

I am compelled to respond to your, "Winter, underlined," greeting. Such blatant hemisphere-ism has no place in a humor blog. I and my family have been living in Australia for almost four months now, so I feel fully entitled to speak for everyone here, not to mention everyone in the rest of the southern hemisphere: It's SUMMER! It's 115 degrees! The birds are building nests, the school kids are on vacation and swim classes are starting up. Assuming the world is celebrating YOUR season is blatantly narrow-minded and highly offensive to those of us slathered in SPF 40, making sweat angels on the patio. Half the world is not in Winter, undelined. May I suggest you think of a more inclusive greeting.

joanne said...

The ornaments with the bone snowflakes were kinda pretty. Shame, wreckerator! "in place of" indeed!

The penguins were cute. Maybe a chef COULD use that. After all, they may show their mad skillz in seasoning their food for guests if they're hosting a party.

Anonymous said...

@ Catherine--Good idea! Or maybe the penguins could at least wear chef hats. so. close.

joanne said...

Thanks for pointing out the kidneys, dear readers. (or are they lungs?) Perhaps "hollidays" are days of improved health due to a diuretic, passing a kidney stone, etc. So it's like a good health cake!

and what IS that blue squashed thing? did a hannukah cupcake heavy laden with blue icing fall over on the cake? and the wreckerator just pulled off the cakey part and wrapper and left it there, pretending it was part of the original decoration? since it didn't smear their Hally message...

vmdesign said...

I just wanted to tell you I'm so happy to see you sharing these charities with all of us. I am personally not currently able to donate, but I'm definitely planning on coming back to this when I can!! I have taken some of the links and passed them on through other forums--the more the word gets out, the more that will be donated!!

You are both amazing for focusing your Christmas celebrations around this, and encouraging others to do so as well :)

Anonymous said...

when I read this I pictured the kids that use the homeless head start in our building. I pictured them going through this. Some might. They're homeless and so are perhaps more vulnerable to this sort of exploitation. I imagine those little three year olds in about 10 years time, and pray that it doesn't happen to any of them, but fear that it may.

I was molested by my paternal grandfather once. It would have probably happened more but we lived a state away...didn't see him much. That one event was traumatic. Living through it on a daily basis I can't imagine.

VixenlyVenimous said...

I can think of at least one instance where at least THE SPELLING on the "Happy Hollidays" cake would be spot on. One of my clients from my former job--Her last name was Holliday,spelled with the two L's--so it could be a cute advertising for her business.

Well, you know, it would be cute if the REST of it weren't so hideous...

Rosko said...

@Regina, you obviously haven't read this blog very often.

Evalis said...

That last one is so passive-aggressive - particularly since the designs on the bulbs look like a pile of bones.. femurs unless i miss my guess. Thats if Roxanna isn't passed away already. If she is then its just tasteless.

Anonymous said...

Is it just me, or does the cake with the blue flowers look like its being served in an ash tray?

Elizabeth Brown said...

Cake Wrecks is an all-time favorite blog-thing that I ever seen. CW can and prabably will drownd every other blog that I have read in chocolate-poo-like icing. All of those internet trolls can kiss my butt cos Cake Wrecks owns. I have never lol-ed harder in my LIFE. Me and my older sister love your work and would be delighted if you posted more cute and funny "Fail-Cakes" ( as I call them). For my 13th birthday,I want my cake to say " Nappy 13rd Beffday Elizabeth!"

-Elizabeth B,a very "Nappy" 12-year-old cake wrecks lover

P.S: I own my very own copy of your book.Its golden to me.