Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Happy Festivus!

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

You Seinfeld fans probably remember the made-up holiday "for the rest of us": Festivus. For everyone else: hey, did you know there's a made-up holiday today called Festivus? 'Cuz there is. And folks celebrate it, too.

So, apparently bakers figured, hey, if you can't beat 'em...


...misspell their Festivus cakes.

A good Festivus has a few key components. After you've erected the Festivus pole (an aluminum pole used in place of a Christmas tree) and had the Festivus dinner, you then move on to the traditional Airing of Grievances. This is when you tell each family member how s/he has disappointed you in the last year:

"Dude! Not cool! I told you that in confidence!"

"What? That was a gift!"

Which can also be a time of really opening up to your parents:

So as you can see, the Airing of Grievances is a lot like your average family reunion.

Finally, you wrap up the day's celebration with the traditional "Feats of Strength."

Wow. That's one disarmingly flexible cake.

This is when the head of the household selects one family member to wrestle, since tradition states that Festivus is not over until the head of the household is pinned.

Of course, you can always count on someone to take tradition a little too far.

Well, Happy Festivus, Heidi B., Becky L., Wendy B., Rebecca B., & Lynn G.! Oh, and if you're not buying this, just read the Festivus book; it's all in there.

- Related Wreckage: Kwanzaa Will Not Be Spared

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Today's charity, To Write Love On Her Arms, is dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide. The story behind their name is pretty darn cool, too.

Click here to donate your dollar via our First Giving page.
JHill said...

Festivus for the Rest of Us! Hehe.

WV: tracto - Something my two-year-old would love for Christmas. "Momma, I weally want a tracto."

GrumpyBear in Blue said...

The post is great as always but I wanted to comment to say Thank You for chosing To Write Love On Her Arms as your charity of the day! There isn't enough info out there about Suicide Prevention and I'm glad that CakeWrecks is spreading the word.

Laura P. said...

Ok, that face cake is going to give me nightmares!!!!!11

Viewtiful_Justin said...

I want the story behind the man thong cake. That's amazingly disturbing. And the arm cake? Eww. We (the office gals and I) thought it looked more like a deformed foot than an arm...eek.

ros said...

I think the slash is an underused punctuation mark in bakery. As well as Festiv/us, we could have Christm/as, Ha/llowe'en, E/as/ter, and Valent/in/es D/ay.

deckardcanine said...

That slash cannot be an accident. Nobody makes a mistake like that. The baker must've been making fun of the customer's hiccups or something. Right?

Jenniffer said...

Wow! the "Feats of Strength" cake looks more like the "FEETS of Strength" cake!!

HAPPY FESTIVUS!

Miranda said...

whoa, man. And the last one? AUGH WHAT IS THAT I DON'T EVEN

Is the Festivus pole sturdy and attached at ceiling and floor both? I could do a little dance!

Also: How come these places don't know how to do a shell border properly? What are those ugly stretched out things? The deformed cousin of the shell border, the one no one talks about?

Elizabeth C. said...

This post is hilarious as always, but I really wanted to comment to also say thanks for choosing To Write Love On Her Arms as today's charity! It's an awesome charity, and not enough people get to hear about it. :)

Anonymous said...

I would like to thank you for promoting To Write Love On Her Arms. It is a charity with a lot of personal importance to me, and it's lovely to see it get support from such a great group of people!

joanne said...

Poo brown background-check.
Icky black border-check.
Random red and white "snow" sprinkles-check.
Blue tree stump-check.
Floating fat penguin and levitating drippy trees-check.
Random slash in the middle of the word-check.

Happy Festiv/us everyone! This CAKE has a lot of grievances.

Heidi B said...

Actually, the funniest part about our Festivus cake wasn't the spelling (which was actually an in-joke among English grad students at our holiday party), but the fact that the baker accidentally swirled the icing on the snowman's lower half so he had a penis. He was more excited to be on the cake than we'd intended!

Kari said...

Why is there kale (or is it parsley?) around the head cake? Why??? Green veggies and big bald head cakes should never no never share a platter! And why is there a pile of "dog hair" at the front? Could it be "someone" has some sort of passive aggressive "grievance" about the poor guy's "bea/rd" and die/t?

Anonymous said...

I'd love to know the backstory on thong cake. and what's with the two tone pink cake? is that a big amoeba?

the sucky parents cake looks so festive with that shiny colorful gel border. I actually like that! (and it's ice cream....) and who wouldn't want to give someone a cake like that? at least they were nice enough to give them ice cream cake to the people that suck.

Now the bodybuilder cake with the scary shoulder growth and tiny fist....and the tiny "weight"--that needs some work.

The head cake is the stuff of nightmares. thos big buggy eyes, the predatorial sneer, the beard on half his face (does he shave one side or did we run out of brown icing?) the uneven brows. the egg nose. the chrome dome. *shudder* and it's served on a bed of parsley! (or some other greenery) Are we sure that's cake??? I have grievances of my own against that cake.

hilarious post, Jen! It's about time Festivus got its due. And I like the idea of an Advent cake or CCC (from one of your poster yesterday?)

Fluffy Cow said...

I almost wish I had a reason to order cakes 2, 3 & 4. Well... maybe not 2.

Coffee Lovers said...

Yup! As I said yesterday... it's going to take me a while to be my normal self after that hideous, disgusting intestine cake! all the cakes today look beautiful, fancy and with very good taste in comparison!

Terry Lee said...

it's a shame the first wreck totally missed the concept of festivus. snowmen? christmas trees?!

where's the aluminum pole?!?! what we need here is a festivus miracle!

amy said...

I admit, I love the "you suck for different reasons" cake....

Emma C. said...

the "arm" looks like an elf shoe.

Christina said...

The scary thing is, if the tattoo sleeve covered more of the arm I would swear this cake was made for my brother who is a body builder of similar proportions to that cake. It may have been and no one told me.

www.dailyridiculous.com said...

I love Festivus!

...but that "Feats of Strength" arm looked like a foot at first.

Haha!
www.dailyridiculous.com

Anne said...

I'm pretty sure that last head cake is a reproduction of one of the three disembodied heads in Hayao Miyakaki's "Spirited Away," a frankly awesome animated movie. Screencap here: http://www.stomptokyo.com/img-m6/spirited-away-c.jpg

It's a fairy tale; the heads are servants of the mostly evil witch Yubaba. Not what I would choose for a cake, mind you, but probably easier than the dragons or paper airplanes or crows or radish spirits in the rest of the movie. Rounder.

Sarah said...

This is totally my favorite post ever!!!!!!! I wish someone would have made the pole, though! (with no tinsel--that's distracting)

Anonymous said...

I'm chiming in to say thank you for choosing TWLOHA as well; way too few people know about it, and this is a great way to get the word out.

ladycrim said...

The pink cake apparently got wet, too. Delicious.

Anonymous said...

X3

I love Festivus.

WV: throp

What happens if the head of the household isn't pinned and Festivus doesn't end.

Hobbit said...

I love that 'You Both Suck' cake! That one works for any occasion really.

But that arm cake (shiver)..........

Anonymous said...

Oh, my, Heidi! I didn't realize he had such issues *peers at the picture on the screen* but I do see that he's "smiling happy" (Christmas Story reference)

wv: opilydo
"let's get this opilydo baked into a christmas tree of cinnamon buns."

Anonymous said...

I wonder if it's too late to call Dairy Queen for one of these, in time for our Christmas Eve gathering? I suddenly find that I can't stop crying (and I can't decide how much of it's out of mirth, what with a family gathering just thisclose...)


Thanks for a much-needed laugh today! :D

Anonymous said...

The subtle flavor of Jesus all around today's charity's website is disconcerting. People with severe mental health issues need help, and they need it without being assaulted with demands to pray, repent, or love. Recruiting people when they are at their weakest is a classic cult tactic, but that doesn't mean mainstream religions don't do it, too.

It's important that people with serious mental health issues get help, but I'm not convinced this is the right path.

brian t said...

I think that last cake is supposed to look like a Gentle Giant - as in the first self-titled album by the band of that name. Fe, Fi, Fo, Fum ...

Victoria Elizabeth said...

Hilarious cakes, as usual!

Also, I want to say thank you for featuring TWLOHA today. They are a fantastic organization and have been very important in my life. I was thrilled to see them on the blog!

Niecey said...

Wears man thong hehe I love it. But it's always your comment underneath that makes me really laugh out loud

Melissa (& Billy) said...

*gasp* Can't...stop...laughing...

WV: caledup--"For Festivus, I caledup everyone I know to tell them that you wear a man thong!"

Melissa (& Billy) said...

After I finally caught my breath from laughing at the cakes today, I read the story from TWLOHA and my eyes filled with tears. A girl I was friends with for many years as kids, but lost touch with when we were teens, committed suicide years ago, and I remember the confusion I felt. I just couldn't envision her taking her own life...

So I'm donating for Dedra and all others like her.

Anonymous said...

yesss totally love Seinfeld references, too bad the cake did not do the ep much justice.
Excellent choice for a charity, I learned about them last year and they sound like a great organization:)

Anonymous said...

By any chance does that pink cake maybe have all too much in common with, er... yellow snow?

Heather said...

You have featured so many wonderful charities. Thank you so much for making To Write Love On Her Arms one of those. I have worked with teenage girls for 11 years now, and have been there watching so many struggle with self-injury and suicide. TWLOHA has been a God-Sent! Oh, and thanks to you as well for always putting a smile on my face, no matter what I have encountered in my day!!

Jo said...

The "you both suck..." cake is my favorite..... makes me think I'd like something like that for my old boss.

But thanks also for writing about the charity - I didn't know about them, but now I do -- thank you.

Amanda T. said...

I too am a little bothered by the overtly Christian aspect of today's charity. Religion is divisive, and one need not believe in god to do good and help their fellow man. There are tons of charities out there that do good work without ever bringing religion into the mix. I wish you would have chosen religion-neutral charities only so as not to alienate non-believers and people of other faiths. :(

Holly said...

THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH for raising money for To Write Love on Her Arms!! It means SOOO much! Such an amazing organization!!

Etiquette Bitch said...

the last CW gave me the willies. quite literally, i shivered in my chair. uck.

funny, as usual. Happy Festivus!

Anonymous said...

If it was green, that head cake would look like one of the bouncing heads from spirited away.

If you've never seen them, go here,
skip to 6:00
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x4fabj_spirited-away-episode-part-3-anime_shortfilms

J.Bacon said...

TWLOHA is my favorite charity and I participate in their awarness day every year!!! I am so thrilled that we wreckies get to stand behind them!!! Thank you Jen and John!!

Rebecca Knight said...

You know, I bet the grievances *would* be better coming in cake form! :D BRILLIANT!

Thank you for sharing the festivus spirit with us :).

JaevenStar said...

Thank you for choosing To Write Love on her Arms as your charity today!
Donna

Happy_Girl said...

Post is great is always, but I just wished to comment to say thanks for choosing my two favorite charities. Operation Smile and TWLOHA both mean a lot to me and have both brought smiles to my face.

I don't want to start a fight - it's really rather hypocritical to fight about religion - but I just wanted to say two things.

Those of you who think it's too religious:
1) They state clearly that although they are Christian and do convey a message of God's love, they try not to smack of an overly-religious nature. But like us all, they make mistakes as we do.
2) They're not forcing people to pray or trying to convert.... Love is (I should hope!) something that transcends any sort of religious barriers - and Christian, Jewish, atheist, Muslim, Hindu, or whatever "religion" (or lack of religion) a certain individual belongs to, they all need love. *We* all need love. Fundamentally, all TWLOHA is trying to say is that you are loved *despite* your "weirdness" or your religion or your actions.

Natalie = said...

Apparently To Write Love On Her Arms only actually donates 25% of their profits? Really?
http://acronym.imsa.edu/node/459

HAPPY FESTIVUS said...

Thank you for recognizing Festivus! All of my friends think I'm CRAZY for wishing them a Happy Festivus. Just wait till I post this link to my Facebook. That'll show 'em.

Caren said...

I would have to agree with those who are a little affronted by the charity chosen for today. I'm sure they do good work, and I'm totally on board with supporting suicide prevention organizations. I too have a personal stake in this. But surely there could have been another superb choice that didn't hit so hard with the religious underpinnings. I would not take issue with anyone's personal choice of belief or charity, but if this was to be a mission to include all your readers, this choice will make many of us thoroughly uncomfortable.

Stellar said...

Jen and John,

I LOVE the site, and my husband and I visit daily. We've also thoroughly enjoyed the charitable opportunities presented so far. That being said, I'm with Anonymous and Amanda - TWLOHA is a pretty divisive group. As someone living with a mental illness and a recovering addict, I too wanted to support this group with open arms when I first heard about them. But the message they often spread is one of recovery solely through religion, and that concept has harmed many more people than it has helped. There are lots of recovery organizations that are in need, and as much as I love you guys, I really wish you had chosen one that spread a more accurate message.

Terry Lee said...

sigh. sorry, but i must speak my mind on this one.

with respect to your charity of the day, TWLOHA and the comments from anony @1:56 and amanda t. ... i too noticed it was christian-based and so therefore donated MORE than my $1.

why? because i'm a christian and i support the work of this organization.

i think that john and jen have done an excellent job of offering up a diverse group of charities for us to help this season.

it would be impossible to please everyone, every day with their choices. there have been days that i felt strongly about a particular charity and have given more than my $1/day.

on the other hand, i'm not a cat lover, so i didn't donate to that charity. i just didn't feel right in doing so.

but did i write to complain about their choice of charities that day? no. because ultimately, it's not about whether i agree or not.

if you want to give to a charity, give. if you don't, don't. but whining about a charity being "christian-based" is ludicrous. keep your dollar and move on.

thanks j & j for all you're doing for all of these charities. i, for one, appreciate being able to participate and am thankful for how easy you've made it for the rest of us to give.

Stellar said...

Terry, to me the issue isn't about the group being Christian, it's about the message that prayer and faith-based recovery are the best way. I've been dealing with addiction and mental illness since my teens, and in my personal experience, this is a dangerous route.

If J&J want to support and express Christian beliefs, that's one thing, but religion and recovery (from mental illness and addiction) do not mix well.

Happy_Girl said...

I'm sorry, but I must correct people here....

I totally respect all your guys' decisions to donate or not to donate and I totally respect the fact that donating to an ostensibly "Christian" organization as a non-Christian may be uncomfortable. I think that as Jen and Jon have done a wonderful job offering up a diverse group of charities it's not an issue. If every charity of every day were 100% Christian, I (as a Christian) would start to see a problem.

However, I think some of you have one thing wrong - their message is not about "recovery through religion". Jamie, the TWLOHA "founder", does talk about faith at a few times, but he's Christian. Do you guys want him to hide his faith?
Their fundamental message is, if you want to phrase it like this, "recovery through love". That "You were created to love and be loved." That "everyone can relate to pain, that all of us live with questions, and all of us get stuck in moments. You need to know that you're not alone in the places you feel stuck." That hope is real, rescue is possible, and "community is essential, that people need other people, that we were never meant to do life alone."
I should hope everyone, regardless of religious denomination, can respect an organization - or at least appreciate their intentions - when they try to bring people together, to end secrets and silence, and to remind those of every religion that they are loved.

Anonymous said...

The head cake guy's eyes are bugging out because he's saying, "DUDE, I have BACON for eyebrows!!!"

Tori said...

To Stellar:

Q: Is TWLOHA a “Christian” organization?
A: We feel that the story (and the rest of this project) speaks for itself. Identifying something such as a band, store, venue or project as "Christian" often alienates those outside of the church/Christian culture, and we don't want to do that. TWLOHA aims to be inclusive and inviting. This is a project for all people. This is a project for broken people, and it is led by broken people.

And this part of your statement: "it's about the message that prayer and faith-based recovery are the best way."

Can you reference WHERE SPECIFICALLY on the website you found that information because it couldn't be further from the truth, and it's unfortunate you would spread that kind of false information. TWLOHA donated to a VARIETY of organizations, and one groups they donate to is 1-800-SUICIDE, which is not Christian. They also discontinued donating to organizations like Mercy Ministries and Teen Challenge BECAUSE of the "prayer" only type teaching, which TWLOHA DOES NOT believe in.

Members of the team are Christian, Jamie is a believer, and often includes his beliefs in his writing, which should be okay - he isn't saying that you can only be healed through prayer. We are all entitled to our own religious beliefs, or to not believe, but just because TWLOHA is all inclusive and all inviting doesn't mean that they only believe people get better through prayer.

Anonymous said...

Natalie,

That article is incorrect, and that financial statement is also. You can go to www.twloha.com/financials to see all their financial information.

Hulyen said...

...is that last one supposed to be the logo for the prog rock band Gentle Giant? :o

If so, very awesome, but they totally mauled it. D:

http://www.blazemonger.com/GG/Gentle_Giant_Home_Page

Victoria Elizabeth said...

Others have already pointed out the misconceptions being harboured by those claiming that TWLOHA is "too Christian." I second them all and especially encourage people to read TWLOHA's mission statement and financial info for themselves if they have doubts. Both are easily accesible on the website.

I'd also like to ask why none of the people saying TWLOHA (an organization that specifically states they aren't interested in the Christian label) is "too Christian" commented to the post in which Habitat for Humanity was featured. After all, Habitat for Humanity actually refers to themselves as (and I quote) an "ecumenical Christian ministry."

TWLOHA is the reason why I chose to speak to my doctor about anti-depressants. Not the reason I go to church. Not the reason I pray. The reason I sought medical help for my depression and the reason I resolved to not be ashamed to admit that I needed said medical help.

Hope, love, community... these things aren't limited to Christianity. Does Jamie mention God when he speaks? Yes, and he shouldn't have to hide who he is just because he's trying to help people.

Rebecca F. said...

Damn. The "You both suck for different reasons" made me laugh out loud and the kids are finally sleeping!!

Hilarious.

pretzelogic (Phila, PA) said...

C'mon - I thought EVERYONE knew that a man thong is just the perfect accessory to the "manzier". ;-)

WV: unesse - a quality specific to someone. "That man thong really complements your manzier - they really highlight your unesse."

Polexia said...

i was a little surprised at seeing the twloha banner on your page today. i'm so glad you've chosen to support that today! it's surprising how so many people feel so trapped, but every supporter makes a difference :)

Melinda said...

I think that seeking God's stregnth and love can be a big help for a mentally ill person and should not be condemned. But at the same time I also hate it when groups say therapy or medication are bad things and try to discourage people from seeking them. I'm not sayin this group does that though. But I agree with whichever posted said that not every group will please everyone and that an array of groups have to be spotlighted.

Erin said...

Awesome choice of charity - to write love on her arms is a great choice. Glad it made it into the list. Thank you for choosing it!

super post too, jen. you're the best!

Stephanie said...

Today's Wrecks have me wondering, once again, what on earth was going through people's minds. Though for the most part I have to wonder why people ordered such cakes...

Loved your choice of charity today. I'd heard of them before, and from what I can tell they're doing some wonderful work. :)

Amanda said...

Love the post, per usual, but THANK YOU for choosing TWLOHA for your charity! There simply is not enough out there about suicide and self injury awareness, so seeing it on such a popular website made my day. So many people have already benefited from this organization. I may just donate again because it was on here and I think that's super awesome :D

Amanda

Anonymous said...

Why does it matter if a charity is Christian or not? It's still a charity. If you agree with their mission (helping the sick, the enslaved, the homeless, animals, whatever) what is the problem with donating? why should it make anyone uncomfortable?

Anonymous said...

As the original anonymous poster to talk about the Christian aspects of this charity, I just wanted to make a few things clear.

First, I think suicide prevention, etc., is great. Doing it because your god told you to? Awesome. Keep going.

Second, I think recruiting people who are battling mental issues into a religion, be it mainstream or cult, is sleazy and disgusting. I don't care if you think it will cure them. You're a slime.

Third, this charity never quite says whether they do this or not. They say "we're Christian" but the FAQ on the topic says "the site speaks for itself". Well, no, it doesn't. The fact that they refuse to give a straight answer, like "we seek valid medical treatment, and don't ask people who come to us for help to join our church", which would be such an easy answer to give, is exactly the sort of thing that creeps me out.

That is why I felt compelled to post.

Bryan said...

The story behind Uses Man Thong (from someone who helped buy the cake):

We have a friend named Seth Magnuson and his name anagrams to Uses Man Thong, so we got that cake for him. You should have seen the look on the faces of the Dairy Queen workers!

Aoife. said...

Random post.xD


Thank you for mentioning TWLOHA as your charity of the day.:)

sonya said...

thanks for choosing twloha as your charity today. as some who's written a fair number of things on her own arms, i know that the group is really important to a lot of people.

Tori said...

To the anon near the end who said they don't directly comment on that:

They are not a church, they are a nonprofit organization. They don't "recruit" anyone to anything. You can check out their "Find Help" section to see the resources they list for people to seek out.

TWLOHA is the bridge to help. They respond encouraging people to find help, not saying "We're the rescue squad and we're going to fix all of you."

They say "We aim to be all inclusive and all inviting and by labeling something Christian it can steer peopel away." That answers your questions.

Walk up to any person who works for TWLOHA, or e-mail them (info@twloha.com) and they will flat out respond with "No."

Sexy Sadie said...

It's a Festivus miracle!

Sometimes I think too much said...

I think that "arm cake" is Matthew McConaughey's from the movide Reign of Fire. Same tattoos.

Mindy said...

Is that the hunchback of Notre Dame?

Cupcakes Lady said...

head of the household...thats is one fugly mother. xx

Anonymous said...

becky osborne here, i made the "head" cake and would like to clarify, that yes, he shaves half his beard like that, and yes, he is quite the character. the comments cracked me up! here is a link to my more "normal" cakes... http://www.facebook.com/#!/album.php?aid=2045468&id=1375297116