Now, I can only work with what I'm given, so please don't take my excessive postings of Santa and Frosty and Poo-dolph as any kind of religious bias. Believe me, I will snicker equally at Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and even Winter Solstice Wreckage if given the chance.
Trouble is, those holidays just don't score many cakes. Still, let's see what we've got in the ol' Wrecks files, shall we?
[shuffle shuffle shuffle]
Ok, here's something: how about a little clashing blue icing, plastic flotsam, and an "ak"?:
I would make a crack about the KKK hiding out in "Hanukkak," but I think that might be construed as bad taste.Still, could be worse, right? Can you imagine what would happen if a Wreckerator tried to draw the menorah or Star of David or dreidel?
Nah, me neither. But that's ok: I have examples. Heehee!
Here we have some (Ninja) Stars of David:
Yep, that's the trouble with tracing. Still, if you think of this as a Jewish Ninja's celebration cake, then it's actually pretty darn cool. (See, they're off to the side because they're in motion. Eh?)(And yes, I double-checked: it's professional.)
Unfortunately I couldn't find a good dreidel Wreck - but I think this "Menorah" more than makes up for it:
Time to light the alien ribcage!So to all my Jewish readers: Happy Hanukkah! Please send more Wrecks.
And in the meantime, I think people of all nations and beliefs can come together, get along, and enjoy spectacles like this:
"Who's laughing now, fat boy?!?"- Related Wreckage: Goy Gaffes
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127 comments | Post a Comment
OH MY GOD THAT NURSURY IS FREAKIN AMAZING! You guys rock!
Alien ribcage! That made me giggle.
It's that time of year when the aliens light their enemys' ribcage.
So festive!
Is it just me, or do those reindeer heads on the cupcakes strongly resemble Shrek??
I've decided I just don't want to know......
Yikes. I shudder to think what "professionals" come up with for Kwanzaa.
Hmmm, sounds like a scouting mission to me!
The alien rib cage made my day!
Wow, great job on that nursery! Maybe my husband will finally come around to the thought of having children if I allow a ninja nursery. If it looks like one you did this would be one compromise I wouldn't be ashamed to make.
*snickers* Alien ribcage... nice one. :P
Great job on the nursery! :)
Jewish Ninja? Kobayashi! (Random sprite comic reference.)
Those cupcakes scare me for some reason though.
Blue poo. Huh.
Ah, Chanukah, that special time of year when we eat latkes, spin the dreidel, and throw the ninja Star of David!
If you hadn't told me that was a Menorah, I would have sworn it was a rib cage and part of a spine.
Ninja Nursery: Great paint job. But do you really think pictures of hired assassins are appropriate for a nursery room?
Love the alien ribcage. I thought my husband was going to explode with laughter.
Honestly, though, I think it's just about impossible to beat last year's "Star of Irving".
I like to think that the Santas and reindeer are all bundled up in their blue snuggies.
Wow, I have never seen cupcakes with more frosting than cake! I've seen a really high ratio of frosting to cake, like 40%/60%, but i've never seen the percentage tip in favor of the frosting!
Wow! Someone made a cake representing the ribcage building here in Utrecht! Awesome! http://www.flickr.com/photos/92949075@N00/3474842241/
Oh, wait ...
I don't know what is so funny about the last picture. Santa and his reindeer are bundled up in Snuggies. Last years hot gift.
...and this is what happens when Santa makes a wrong turn and ends up in a swamp somewhere sinking in quicksand. Blue quicksand, I might add.
Huh.
WTF gray icing and plastic heads. WTF.
I'm not a pro, so if I somehow screw up and wreck my solstice cake (not likely anyway lol) you don't get to laugh at me. neener.
Honestly, it'll probably just have holly icing decorations on the borders, a wreath in the middle, and "Happy Yule." I might make the icing peppermint flavored. No Spasto-Claus, Scary the Snowman, etc. I always thought that stuff was cheesy.
Your happy-clappy neo-pagan food loving friend,
Miranda
BTW, just for the record, the plastic flotsam on the first one is printed backwards. The letters are mirror images of what they should be.
Tsk.
The unfortunate color choice for the 'flame tips' on the menorah candles made my gutter mind think of something else..... more likely to be used in the adult film industry.........
gak, I'm awful!
By the way, Jewish ninjas exist. Technically, I was one this year for Halloween. I'm wearing a yarmulke, you just can't see it. Right. Uh. Yeah.
http://www.tatelman.com/uploader/files/1/Misc/Jeremy/ninja2.jpg
http://www.tatelman.com/uploader/files/1/13631_1233223783454_1014947022_30761151_2225331_n.jpg
/shameless plug for an AWEsome costume.
OMG that ninja nursery is the CUTEST THING EVER!
Next, I want to see a PINK little girl version!
OMG! That Ninja nursery ROCKS!
I loved the *alien ribcage*, thanks for the giggles this morning
That third cake--the 'ribcage' cake, looks way too phallic for me. LOL
~Amy B-H
This blog is seriously hilarious! And I am in total envy of that nursery... I think I want to re-do my son's room!
And no, I don't think having hired assassins on the wall of a nursery is any more strange than having beasts that could maul you... aka - lions, tigers and bears... or, so help me, classic Pooh Bear (RETCH!)
Oh that nursery is completely fan-freakin-tastic! Love it. Come do mine next? Oh wait, I don't have a nursery...you'll do my bedroom right? ;) Keep the wrecky goodness coming!
Bwahahaha! The throwing stars of David!
Thanks for the equal opportunity for mocking as everyone attempts to find cakes suitable for celebrating this month-- we're all in it together, after all! Happy Hanukkak!
At first my boyfriend and I thought the dreidel on the first cake was a cannon.
"I have a little dreidel, I made it out of...misprinted plastic flotsam?"
OMG, I loooooove your Ninja nursery! Do you have a blog for the things you've painted? (And I totally think Ninjas are appropriate for a nursery, not every nursery has to be teddy bears and hearts.)
Great post too, The alien ribcage really cracked me up!
Cake 3--I was picturing a fence post or multi-armed creature, angel (like the German Christkind?) or something opening up for an embrace.
http://www.christkindlmarket.com/images/2007-2008%20Christkind%20-%20official%20picture.jpg
But lighting up an alien ribcage? HILARIOUS! Bravo!
Plus, the Jewish stars are red instead of blue. duh. and how strange--rudolph and santa look so peaceful drowning in their "hannukkah blue" icing whirlpools. Or maybe their at a spa getting ready for the big day wrapped up in nice, engulfing towels.
also, the plastic fltsam in picture 1 is backwards- the letters are reversed.
It's times like these that I wish Muslims decorated their cakes. Unfortunately, you can't tell the cakes (or any of the food) is a wreck.. until you taste it. :O
Also, LMAO @ the rib cage. How could that person think that's acceptable?!
*snicker* Alien ribcage - priceless! My mother who is only semi-pro (used to long time ago in a galaxy far-far-away make pro cakes) could do a better job on menorahs and dreidels, and she's not even Jewish!!
-Carrie
LOL! In the last wreck it looks like the reindeer in the front has leaned over to crack a *toot* and splattered blue poo all over the santa behind him!!! AH HA HA HA! =)
If you're going to have Hanukkah cake wrecks, where is Sandra Lee's Star of Hanukkah cake. Not only is it a wreck, it's not even kosher.
Oh, and don't forget she made a Kwanzaa cake too, and the video for that is floating around on youtube.
Thanks for posting some Chanukah wrecks!
I'd love to see more, if this gets them rolling in, especially since the holiday begins tomorrow night.
I was hoping you'd post something!!
This seems so much worse than wrecking Santa, in part because the occasion is so much more closely tied to a particular religion. Santa seems so much more secular, it doesn't feel nearly so painful. (Well, it does, but for different reasons, anyway.)
Once in a while, I see a Christmas card or something trying out a religious tie-in, depicting Santa paying homage at the manger of the infant Jesus. And all I ever can think about is how he seems severely overdressed.
I am waiting for a cake version of this.
Alien ribcage made my day.
@oranjeflamingo--WTF? is that a chiroparactor's office or something? great pic. good reference. thanks for sharing! maybe the cake is for a Chiropractor Christma party.
I can't imagine anyone mistaking that ribcage for a menorah. except the wreckerator of course.
That is a really disgusting amount of frosting on those cupcakes.
@ Miranda with the pagan solstice cake--make sure you use poiple icing!
@M--OMG! it's definitely a multi-phallus robotic dildo in the adult film [insert appropriate title here], capable of satisfying many at the same time....*shudders in horror*
The nursery is outstanding! Great job!
The menorah cake image reminds me of an old fantasy/mythology movie (can't remember the name), where the bronze, multi-armed statue comes to life to attack the hero. This is sort of an abstracted version. Didn't the decorator even look at a picture before attempting the image?
LOL - I was thinking the same thing when I saw the alien ribcage.
RE: Nursery- I wondered how a ninja theme was going to work, but it is beautiful. Coolest. nursery. ever.
I wonder if straight-jacketed Santa says a lot about the baker's emotional state, all without words.
Because Christmas = Wonder?
I say you in People! Way to go!
OMG. *eureka moment* I had no idea that hannukkah is celebrated by aliens. the evidence is all here. the alien ribcage menorah, the weaponry (maybe it's an alternative to lasers unless the menorah suggests that too). PLUS, by saying Happy HannukkAK reminds me of the "Mars Attacks!" move where the aliens speak by saying "Ack Ack Ack!"
So, "Happy" HannukkAK! Ithink....
WV putdult: A really bad miniature golf player.
That menorah looks more like they were trying to replicate this:
http://www.threadless.com/product/366/Caged
But even then, it's done poorly.
If you google "Sandra Lee Kwaanza cake," you will see it described as an edible hate crime.
Here is a list of her top ten worst cakes I found:
http://heartsfordinner.wordpress.com/2008/09/20/heart-nibblers-top-10-sandra-lee-cake-wrecks/
Should be some kind of Ig Nobel prize for her, because they'll make you laugh, then make you think...
Oh, wait, those are usually given to people who at least do some research about what they're doing.
That nursery is fully AWESOME!!!!!
oh my goodness!! that nursery is freakin' awesome! i wish i were a kid so i could have a nursery as cool as that one! come paint my house!!! :)
Those reindeer and santas are wearing snuggies. Awesome.
Awesome job on the nursery!
I'm jewish and I've never seen a decorated cake with a chanukah theme. Not that they don't exist, I've just never seen them. More common in my house were sugar cookies that we cut out in the shapes of menorahs, stars, etc and decorated with blue sugar.
Good one...
As a Jew (from Israel) I wanted to say that sadly, we are not so much cake folks- more pastry people...
A few things that made those cake even more wrecky for me-
1. The Hebrew letters on the plastic dreidel are backwards.
2. The Star of David looks more like the Holocaust yellow patches the Jews had to wear, more then the Star of David we usually use (just look at the Israeli flag)
3. The Menorah left me speechless- now that will drip wax all over the floor!
I LOVE the ninja nursery!! Why do you have to be WAY down in Florida!?
My 12 year old daughter was just complaining last week that she couldn't find anything with blue ninjas. All 5 of my kids (ages 2 to 12, 1 boy) think this is awesome.
I believe the correct term is *Nin-jew* stars of David.
The alien ribcage is exactly that, no matter what you may think it really is (menorah, indeed!).
wv: unbrane
What the cake wreckerators do before arriving to work.
****
That is a seriously cute nursery. And I, being the mother of two boys, am totally miffed this was not around 7-10 years ago.
Adorable work, guys!!
In the first wreck, the plastic is upside down- the letters in Hebrew on the dreidel reveal it...
Is it just me or does the first cake say "Hippy", rather than "Happy"?
The "Menorah" made me think of an Indian god, such as Vishnu, Kali or Shiva, with its head cut off.
Alien ribcage, or flaming alien facehugger? You decide
Wow on the nursery. Very cool!
wv: pharanta; Santa in Egypt.
Are we sure that's an alien ribcage? It looks a lot like the scorpion box puzzle in one of my computer games.
...assuming the scorpion box was being recreated by someone who hadn't seen the game or a scorpion, that is.
Those aren't ninja stars. They're badges for sheriff Greenberg and Ottermeyer. The staff took up a collection for a more realistic cake, but they shiny gold leaf wasn't kosher.
Awesome nursery!
Very ... interesting representation for Chanukah. What scares me the most is these people obviously think these look GOOD! Good for us that they do.
P.S. Got my NMBCJ necklace and bookplate today. "Brilliant!" Thanks. ;-)
Look Santa and the deer are in snuggies!!
Oh my goodness, that nursery is beautiful! What talented people you are.
Alien Ribcage? Not the first thing that popped into my head. Too funny.
Alien ribcage. ok. Actually, my first thought was alien squid throwing fireballs, then the Alien facehugger.
@ Kim -- That was one of the old Sinbad movies (7th Voyage of Sinbad?). Classic, definitive Harry Hausen stop-motion animation art, where evil wizard animates the statue of the goddess Kali.
Ok, am I the only one that thinks the alien ribcage looks like a penis tree?
At least the rib cage has the correct number of ribs... er... um, candles. Seeing menorahs depicted with 3 candles on each side of the center candle (the shamash) makes me sad. Why would you want cut Hanukkah two days short?
LOL at lighting the alien ribcage. :)
How much do you charge? I would love a ninja nursery!!!
@Kim and msyendor-- I am impressed that you thought of/recognized Sinbad, although now that I think about it, it should have been my first thought. Was that one ever an episode of MST3K?
@John and Jen-- Now when it's a long time between site updates, I will assume you're out painting ninja babies on a wall somewhere. Awesome!
Enjoy the blog. Did you realise you were recently featured on a British TV show? I don't have an international link but for those in the UK try (sorry about the lack of HTML-fu) http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b00pchkz/Have_I_Got_a_Bit_More_News_for_You_Series_38_Episode_7/
Bella
Ah, Cake Wrecks: never change. I gave the Christmas cake it's third feed today, looking at these professional cakes for inspiration. I've got time for maybe two more feeds before I need to marzipan it. How can I possibly match the decorating skills shown here?
the menorah cake looks (to me, anyway) like a jaundiced lobster. but it is lunch time, and i might be hungry. oh well.
its weird cuz the ninja stars of david must have been really hard to draw
i mean, have u ever tried to draw a star w/out the lines thru the middle?
anyway- glowing alien ribcage!!!!
Jen, will you come paint my son's room?? That is flippin sweet!!
I will be looking forward the Nija cake to go with the nursery!
Well, I don't know about the rest of you all, but giant piles of blue poo ALWAYS get ME in the holiday spirit!
[singing]
Blu-ue Poo!
Blu-ue Poo!
Giant Piles of Poo!
Oh what fun it is to see piles of technicolor poo!
Eew!
WV = shinger
Someone trying to sing after one too many trips to the bowl of egg nog.
LOVE the attempt at a menorah.
And, in defense of wreckerators everywhere, no one spells hannukah right, 'cause there are, like, 15 different spellings.
How 'bout a couple of wrecked Yule log cakes for us pagans?
The 2nd cake makes me want to kvetch. The Hanukkah colors are blue, silver, and white. Who in their right mind would use red? It'd be like making a purple, green, and gold Christmas cake. I do admit, the 3rd cake is quite wrecky. That is one messy menorah.
My three year old just asked why someone would put "ribs and a neck" on a cake. And no, I was not reading out loud! Maybe that's actually what they were going for!
Did anyone else see "Jewish Ninja" and think of Ziva from NCIS?
That made me smile. :)
From one Pagan Miranda to another,
Hey that's an idea Jen, surely you have pictures of some royally wrecked chocolate (or not) Yule log cakes? They're tough to make and the first (and last) one I made was a complete disaster and didn't even make it to decoration. So can ya shuffle the deck and crank out some bad ole Yule log cakes for us solstice fans?:)
Merry everything everyone!
Santa, Frosty, and Poo-dolph have nothing to do with any religion, unless you think consumerism is a religion and therefore, maybe Xmas would be the holiday. If you want to wreckify Christmas, display cakes with manger scenes of Christ's birth. Nice job with Chanukah.
I just bought your Cake Wrecks book and I can't wait to read through it. Thanks for the laughs!!
Yet another reader from Israel here.
Not only are the letters on that poor dreidel mirrored, they are also not in the correct order. I mean, even if the wreckerator reversed the flotsam, there is no way ×” (he) and × (nun) would be adjacent on a dreidel, and even if I give the Chinese manufacturer of this awful piece of plastic the benefit of a doubt and say it's a ×’ (gimel) rather than a × (nun), they are still in the wrong order.
By the way, I never heard that Hanukkah had a dedicated set of colors. Only goes to show how far apart Jewish customs in Israel and abroad have come. here is an Israeli designed Hanukkah cake I picked off the net (in... Green, purple, and yellow...). Nice, though the dreidels on it are kind of wrecky. Oh, you thought they were arrows pointing in different directions?
When I saw the Menorah (ribcage) cake my first reaction was "Yellow prawn? That's not even kosher!"
See, I LIKE lots of frosting. Sometimes, the frosting is all I want!
The ninja nursery looks cuter than ever.
The cupcakes look a bit weird tho, don't u think?
Ha ha those reindeer and Santas look like they're wrapped up in comfy warm blue blankets. Cute
Why oh why are the multiple Santas and reindeer swaddled like mummies? Is that the holiday where the heat gets shut off?
And I'd like BBQ sauce on my alien ribcage instead of buttercream, please.
That nursery is awesome. You are so multi-talented.
That is one awesome nursery! Will you pleeease come to Idaho and paint my daughter's room?? :)
I am in love with that nursery...too cute (and deadly!)
Totally LOVE the nursery. Is it ok to be jealous of a baby? hmmmmmm
The Sandra Lee Kwaanza cake is not to be missed.
http://www.avclub.com/articles/this-cake-will-make-your-eyeballs-burst-into-flame,25176/
I like the characterization of it as "an edible hate crime," except wouldn't it have to be edible for that to be accurate? Acorns, canned apple pie filling, and canned frosting? I'm not eating that, are you?
I also like the way Sandra cut giant holes in the cake to make room for the huge candles.
Hmm...I have a coworker who I think would LOVE the ninja nursery! I know I would, if I had kids. And the concept of a Jewish ninja has me in stitches! "Throwing stars of David!" LOVE!
I really, really needed the laugh this evening. This blog is a lifesaver.
And I, for one, am afraid to find out what a Wrecked Yule log would look like. There must be one out there somewhere. *shudder* Talk about poo...
Shouldn't this be a new category in itself, "Oy So Ugly"?
@ Gary-- I guess you could say, then, that Sandra Lee made a "technically edible" hate crime cake. A lot of things qualify under this category that I don't want to eat. As for the stuff I've seen at this site, that one is somewhere near the top of the list.
You'd have to be pretty cocky to pass that menorah cake off as professional. I think he was wanging it.
WV: priesse. Priesse don't stop posting wrecks, Jen!
The ninja nursery is totally awesome!
I may not be the first to say it, but the blue-poo cupcakes look like Santa and his reindeer are cuddling up in Snuggies!
Oh my gosh, one of my friends is a ninja; I passed this along so that he and his g/f can use this as an idea if they ever have a boy!
Rene
To all those that posted the Sanda Lee 'semi 'homemade'' cakes I have to say thanks so much for reminding me why I'v never liked watching her show. Everyone watch GOOD EATS INSTEAD!!!!! Alton Brown actually teaches you how to cook!
I just can't Believe why she even has a tv show at all. Nothing she does at all makes anything good. All she really does is show lazy cooks how to be lazier.
Let me run it down for you
1: She makes a 'homemade' decorated cake by buying a 1/4 sheet cake from the store and calls stacking a one layer round cake and a bunch of cupcakes on top decorating or making something homemade. You can do the same thing with 2 cake mixes and canned frosting(homemade frosting is easy too) better AND CHEAPER TOO!
2: Her Hanukah and Kwanzaa cakes are worse. They are even higher on the level of lazy when you consider how easy it is to make an angel food cake from scratch is. Go to the Food Network and Look up Alton Brown's Episode of Good Eats, let them eat foam, and you will see what i mean. Even then a boxed angel food cake mix is even less effort and it will turn out better too. Now is you want to make a Hanukah cake like her's instead of the non-kosher Marshmallows place a Kosher Star Of David Sugar Cookie over the hole instead!
3: Almost nothing I've seen her do helps people learn how to make anything themselves as almost 90% of her recipes, and I use that term very lightly, uses pre-made(and therefore expensive) items to make them. What she does is only one step away from serving McDonald's hamburgers for Thanksgiving.
ALienRibcage- SNORT!!
And Ninja Nursey!!! ROCKIN'!!!
word verification: unryl, as in, it is Un-freking-RYL what you did for hat baby's nursery! Cake Skillz translate into walls too? No freaking way!
awwww! that ninja nursery is too too cute!!
I knew we were missing something when we did our son's star nursery a few years back - http://www.krismom.com/babybunny/room.html
Santas and reindeer in paper wasp nests?
lol! alien ribcage!
I love the omnipresence of the Snuggie this holiday season. If those cupcakes are any indication, Santa and his reindeer will be wearing them on their annual run. Now he'll be able to call the Missus and check the GPS app on his iPhone without being encumbered by the confines of a traditional blanket.
Also, when my ninja-loving husband sees those nursery pics, you better believe he's going to try to convince me to do the same for our 3-month-old son (even though he knows I find pirates to be far superior).
Verification word: losest
As in, "That ninja-star Hanukkah cake is so tragic, it isn't a loser; it's a losest."
Santa and reindeer in Snuggies! I love it!
The 'alien ribcage' looks more like... how can I make this 'G' rated, a group personal massager.
Alien ribcage looks more like an unkosher lobster...
Exactly WHAT color is that horrible goo that is swallowing up the Santas and the strangely Pluto-looking reindeer?
"Here, kid, have a nightmare"
And "alien ribcage".. ::snrk::
Holiday yumminess!
--Blondie's mom
That nursery is wonderful! Wouldn't mind having it as my own room. :-D
That ninja nursery is SO COOL!
It made my girlfriend want to have a baby boy (apparently).
"Hath not a Jew eyes?" Whoever perpetrated the alien ribcage apparently doesn't think so. . . . O_o
Are there Jewish ninjas in the Mossad, though? Because, if not, the concept is so awesome that they need to get some. Now.
I now need to own an alien rib cage menorah.
Those reindeer toppers at the bottom are adorable...but it actually took me a while to realize that the "alien ribcage" was a menorah. Let's see what you guys can come up with for Kwanzaa! (:
My five year-old says that cupcake at the end looks like Santa getting sucked into a whirlpool.
I had all but forgotten our "Happy Hanukkak" cookie cake from last year until I saw it here! I don't normally buy anything with blue icing, but I couldn't get a good cell phone pic of it without taking the top off, so we had it with our 3rd night Chinese. :)
Happy Hanukkak! And watch those menorahs... mine drips wax, and the candles are fully upright!
Shannan
Wow...is all I can say LOL
WOW! I'm Jewish, and all I can say is...
WE LIGHT THE ALIEN RIBCAGE TOO! =]
Okay then.... I'm totally into this....
Signed,
Jewish Ninja (Oh, yeah, you read that right. I'm a NINJA! Booya!)