Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Show Offs

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Sometimes the things bakeries put in their display windows make you wonder: they do want people to buy their cakes, right?


Poor Thomas. All that pastel and plastic flotsam have turned him into the little engine that could - in a pinch - kill you.


Some people are afraid of clowns. Other people are afraid of robots.

Two groups, one cake:

YOU WISH ME TO THROW CREAM PIES? I'M SORRY, DAVE. I'M AFRAID I CAN'T DO THAT. YOU SEE, I'M LACTOSE INTOLERANT.


If you're not afraid of clowns or robots, though, then this next specimen has you covered.

I can't quite pin it down, but something about this cake really bugs me.


Everybody knows nothing draws in the crowds quite like big-time Hollywood celebrities, though. So hey, why not feature Patrick Swayze, Michael Jackson, and Heath Ledger all in the same cake?

Well, I did say IN.

Oh, and if you're wondering what all those brown pellets are, there's a nice big rubber rat on hand to point your thoughts in the right direction. Yummm.


Bakers, just remember: the important thing with display cakes is to show potential customers what you're made of. Show them your raw talent, your years of experience, your impeccable sense of form and style, your...uh...

...your pipe cleaners?

Um. Ok. Yeah. You, go, you! Bend those pipe cleaners! And then...then smash them into that icing! Yeah! Woo! Haha!


Eric D., Monique R., Amy N., Vic., & Jill B., with time and effort you, too, might one day master the pipe cleaner arch.

UPDATE: Hey, would you believe that today is actually HAL 9000's birthday? Finally, my knack for unintentionally posting news-relevant entries results in something good!

- Related Wreckage: Bakery PSA
Jenniffer said...

OMG! Now that's wrecktastic!

cath said...

And how about that ballerina, stuck in that quicksand of a cake--right down to the knee. Nice!

Taylor@MyOlderBrothers said...

Too soon, bakery people, too soon!

Fluffy Cow said...

I gotta say, upon closer inspection that chickie cake looks to be made of deviled eggs. Eew...

Donna M. said...

Oh my...nothing says "Happy Birthday" like 2 trains about to hit head on.

I'm curious though what the pink one next to "Tweety" is.

Lorraine said...

That gravestone cake has got to be the epitome of Bad Taste (pun intended)!

Amy said...

Um, why does the angry Thomas need those brown hair curling rods? Maybe he's angry 'cause he has no hair to curl!

The cemetery cake is just sad,so sad, I think I might cry. OK not really, that feeling's passed.... now I'm just laughing! Tee Hee Hee

Pink Toads said...

I'm guessing that the cake with pipecleaners is a stage-judging from the ballet dancer flotsam. The pipecleaners, then, must be the background.

Anonymous said...

The cake in Spanish is misspelled it should be Feliz instead of Filiz

Gary said...

Cake #1: Never mind the flotsam, we're one second away from a three-way train wreck!

Cake #2: Oh, no! It's the dreaded Lucha Libre Robot Monkey Clown Cake!

Cake #3: Gets you right here, doesn't it?

Cake #4: No, thanks, I don't want to eat any dead celebrities. The rat can have them.

Kathleen said...

awww...look at the ballerinas dancing under the pipe cleaner rainbow...

Why didn't the wreckorater at least use a plastic flotsam rainbow?!

Dakota said...

Pipe cleaners? Seriously?

Anonymous said...

I love the orange sad-faces underneath the tombstone cake. Nice touch.

Oh, wait, those are upside-down pumpkins. Never mind.

WV: Lanora. Lenore's younger, happier sister.

crzylady said...

I think I'll definitely use pipe cleaners in my next cake. I can't believe I hadn't thought of it before.

The tombstones.. really? the lack of respect some people have STILL amazes me.

Thanks for always keeping us entertained! - Tracylea

WriteCards said...

I don't even know WHERE to begin! So, I'll just comment on that last one:

"I'm sinking . . . I'm sinking . . ." (spoken in the squeaky voice of the Wicked Witch of the West).

WV: toxis. These cakes are toxis to any hope of attracting business!

Emma said...

What was the pipe-cleaner cake maker THINKING?! That's just bizarre!

LHsmallfry said...

Wow that cake with the tomb stones was sooo distasteful and the well placed rat was ummm... yea

Jess said...

That graveyard cake is just about the most tasteless thing I've ever seen. I mean, seriously? Someone actually thought, Hey, you know what would be a great tribute cake? Tombstones and Rat crap. People are gonna eat it up.

abi said...

My four-year-old son was looking at this post with me, and he said of the first cake, "Is that Thomas? Thomas looks so angry! And look, those two little trains are about to smash into each other!" Attention, Wreckerators: If your cake won't even pass the four-year-old test, you should consider another career.

Trevor said...

What really bothers me about that last cake is NOT the lack of talent. But rather I don't believe pipe cleaners are food safe, and they've gone and stuck them in cake? Honestly, even if it's only a dummy cake, how could they reproduce the same cake and keep it food safe? AAGGHGHH!

Boogie Bear said...

I can't decide whether Thomas is simply angry or pure evil. Really useful engines are rarely trimmed in pink...and what's up with those hairclips on the sides?

The graveyard cake is simply wrong, even without the rat.

Trevor Allen said...

Ohmigoodness! That tweety bird's ribbon is bad enough but it looks like it was once blue and someone left it in the car for a summer and it got bleached out!

Tamara Marnell said...

Poor Tweetie. Successfully escaping countless run-ins with a murderous black and white Putty Tat, only to meet his demise in a dissection tray at the hands of a scalpel-wielding seventh grader.

Abby Normal said...

Pipe cleaners aside, kudos to the wreckorator for featuring an amputee ballerina. There are few people who appreciate how had it is to dance en pointe when one of your legs ends at the knee.

Anonymous said...

My three year old son saw the first cake and said "Thomas...cake?" with the look of utmost confusion. I think Sir Topham Hat needs to schedule an exorcism.

Andrea in Ohio

The Boob Nazi said...

That cemetery cake is the weirdest cake I've ever seen.
And is that supposed to be Tweety?

Anonymous said...

"Hmmm...this cake tastes like it needs more pipe cleaners."

I'm Lori...and maybe I'm you, too. said...

I don't think that's Thomas.

Anyone else read Stephen King? I'm pretty sure that's Blain...and he's coming to kill us all.

Anonymous said...

You know what really scares me about the "Tweety" cake? Those things in the 'grass' beneath it. Are they pills or jellybeans? And why?

Anonymous said...

That train can't be Thomas, it has to be Blaine the psychotic pink train from the Dark Tower series. Don't look at it too long or it'll start telling you riddles!

Wyn said...

(I'm not sure I can post a link, and if not I'm sorry, but) When you said lactose intolerant, I had just read

http://partiallyclips.com/2010/01/12/perps/

and laughed extra hard.

Anonymous said...

That rat’s a special touch. Makes me wonder if I could get one of these cakes at Chuck E. Cheese?




wv:catingum-- Until I saw that cake, I thought there was nothing worse than a catingum. Guess I was wrong.

Sarah G said...

The train cake immediately made me think of the Stephen King Dark Tower Series that I am reading. There is a pink train in volume three of the story called Blaine the Pain, who is the epitome of evil. Now if the Wreckerator was actually creating a tribute cake to Blaine, it might be an interesting first try but I think I'm stretching things a bit...and well...oh nevermind.

Case said...

Friends, the rat in the graveyard is Ben! You should be able to be able to get that God-awful Michael Jackson song out of your head in about 6 hours.

Terry Lee said...

ohmygawd. there's a ghost image of a man in dark glasses on the ballerina cake!!

oh wait. okay. never mind. it's the photog.

my bad.

heh heh

Jones Town said...

Its the rubber rat with the beady red eyes that really creeps me out!

Anonymous said...

By any chance, was Thomas's face drawn on a Communion wafer? I sometimes find myself saying a little prayer for wreckorators, but come on!

"Dear God, Help these lost people find their way... for they know not what they do..."

Albatross said...

The cemetery cake...no, no, no!

Lauren Borquez said...

Sigh* I love this blog to pieces!

Confessions of a Mother, Lawyer & Crazy Woman said...

I have always been scared of clowns, I think this explains why.

andygirl said...

That ballerina is sinking into that cake! Somebody save her!

mudslicker said...

Nothing could help with the years of therapy it would take to repair Becky's childhood dreams of becoming a ballerina being smashed once she realized it was merely a pipe [cleaner] dream!

Jessikate said...

OK, so my 4 year old's response to the train one was "What happened to that train?" hahahahaha Upon further staring at it he informed me it's Gordon (I think he's just trying to make sense to save his little mind).

And is tweety bird missing a big chunk out of his side?! WTH people.

Anonymous said...

Blaine is a pain and thats a fact!

Kimberly Chapman said...

HAHAHAHA that YouTube clip made my day...I'm really tired so that kind of humour suits my mood right now. I'm still snickering like a little kid over that. Brilliant.

And um oh yes, cakes. Caaaaake. Not just flatulent evil supercomputers.

Did I mention HAL will be on my Austin show cake? You're coming on down, right?

Anonymous said...

Pretty sure, if I were ever foolish enough to try and decorate a cake, the pipe-cleaner creation is almost exactly what I'd come up with.

Of course, I'M not masquerading as a professional... ;)

Anonymous said...

Nothing says “Party Time!” like a graveyard cake depicting the tombs of recently deceased celebrities. People grieve in strange ways sometimes, but I think anyone who’d make one of these is taking it especially hard. So buyer beware—someone’s been crying into the icing. And as further evidence they’re off their game— the rat's nice, but they forgot the gummy worms.


I wonder if this ever happened to John Lennon?


WV: faquer-- if yesterday's post offended you, say this one out loud and be offended all over again.

Bek said...

@ DonnaM - I think that's supposed to be Barney next to Tweety... and judging from the pile of pills at Tweety's feet - well, let's just say they were having one good time.

As for the pipe cleaners. Um. Wow. Nothing says celebration to me like ballerinas sinking beneath pipe cleaner rainbows.

Anonymous said...

Child: "mom can I please have the cake with the pipe cleaners, please!"

Mom: "well honey I don't think I could ever manage something like that all on my own so I guess we'll just have to go find a professional that can make one for you!"

Anonymous said...

That last cake looks like a fancy shopping bag? Bizarre, but fancy.

Mocking
wv nabilizi- A fine nabilizi wine is at every table (next to the cemetary wreck).

Anonymous said...

Has Tweety's heart been cut out and replaced with a tiny paper man wearing a toque?
And what's with the random piece of red icing smeared foil between Tweety's legs?
Medical experimentation has moved from rats to beloved cartoon characters now, huh? So wrong.

Pieces of Me said...

I love it! These cakes are definitely entertaining!

JuLo said...

I don't know about you, but the thing that definitely bothers me with that Tweety Bird cake is the unfortunate placement of those balloons. It not only looks like he's been crucified, but that he's actually enjoying the experience. Eep!

A Mother Heart said...

Wow. Swift forgot to mention the large yellow chick that followed Gulliver to the island.
But I guess after the Liliputians are done with him they can just bury him in the cake cemetery.

Culinarychiq said...

Hey that first cake isn't necessarily a wreck, it's actually perfect for the Stephen King/Maximum Overdrive train enthusiast in the family, yeah!

hj said...

"Two groups, one cake." LMAO!

Sandi said...

Those look like wickets in croquet.

dharmamama said...

Poor Tweety! Did the baker take out a chunk to taste, and try to hide it with a plastic baker? Not to mention being pinned to the board by those balloons, like a bad cake specimen. Poor wittle guy.


WV: putyl I prefer labs or boxers over putyls.

Laura P. said...

ok, that tweety cake. what's with the little baker shoved into his stomach? and the brown jelly beans on the bottom? they only bring icky thoughts to mind. and pipe cleaners? i can hear the kids now. "ooh, ooh! i wanna suck the frosting off them!" eew! wrecktastic post, as usual!

msyendor said...

Yipes. Picture appears and on my screen the first thing I see is a colorful, bristly top. And my first thought is: colorful, bristly, poisonous caterpiller?

Scroll up. Oh. Thomas. Maybe.

Julia said...

Yeah, I think the robot clown is a luchador, but still not very well done.

Jiminycricket said...

That ballerina cake looked at first to be a big chunk of cheese with a handle at the top. Silly me.


word v: Rello-- "Rello, to you, too, Scooby Doo."

Anonymous said...

What 'Bugs' me is the crumpled aluminum foil on Tweety's cake board. Reduce, reuse, recycle?


wv: petsduli-- My petsduli tu me sometimes, as I never can get a confession of which dog was in the garbage can. Du your petsli tu u tu?

Anonymous said...

OMG when I first saw the graveyard I thought: NOooooooo they didn't!
Then when I zoomed in, I was just left to wonder: Why did they sprinkle it with dog kibble?!?

Ingrid

Anonymous said...

'Feliz' is spelled correctly on that cake, it's just sitting at an angle. Please give the decorator credit where credit is due, as it's clearly the last thing that went right that day.


WV: remorir- I saw the cemetery cake, and it's like those guys died all over again.

Anonymous said...

Oh, Tweety. Is that supposed to be bird seed, or are those lice all around his feet? I finally see the other meaning of 'bugs' here.

And have his um, wittle birdy bits just met the guillotine?

Katie said...

I want the pipe cleaner cake! It's amazing!

Also... who eats cake commemorating dead celebrities?

jj said...

That graveyard cake needs a creepy sequined gloved hand reaching up from the ground...because if you're going to be tacky, it's all or nothing, babe.


"Because it's Thriller, Thriller night..."

WATERBABY CHRISTINE said...

Obviously no one has recognized what Number Two (sorry) represents: it's Muncho Libre, the patron saint of Mexican Freestyle Wrecking!

Rayli said...

gave you an award on my blog today! 4kidsandalargecoffee.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

I usually don't enjoy bathroom-esque humor much, but HAL had me laughing and laughing...and laughing some more. I was doing the dialogue along with the clip... up to a point, anyway!

Pink said...

Anyone catch the crumpled foil under the Tweety cake...

Tweety's beak is what is going to give me nightmares. His eyes seem to follow me wherever i go.....

Anonymous said...

Took me a while, but I think that communion wafer is significant, as Thomas is clearly seen here as some kind of evil railroad overlord, creating little (Train) Wrecks of his own. *Mwahahaha...*

Anonymous said...

"ohmygawd. there's a ghost image of a man in dark glasses on the ballerina cake!!"


It would be okay to keep it there, because as you can see, there's a lot of unused space in front of the ballerinas caught in quicksand. Grab a pipe cleaner, and hang on, girls!

Anonymous said...

PLEASE, oh PLEASE tell me that the sign on Tweety that the weird little Baker man is holding does not list two prices....what appear to be $885.00 and $605.00. Seriously????? Dollars?????

Bev said...

@Taylor -
Agreed. Too soon.

Sexy Sadie said...

There's this mall in my area that has a coin-operated train for kids to ride on. It has this really angry, creepy face. The train cake reminded me of it.

Purplecakes said...

Too many accessories...that dont cordinate!

The cakes would be pretty decent if they didnt scatter assorted plastic items on it.

LESS IS MORE!!!!

Carin said...

I'm with the other readers that Thomas is actually Blaine the Pain/Charlie the Choo-Choo. That's a pretty close representation of Stephen King's description in The Waste Lands. hehe

knitorpurl said...

Wow, wreckage of all sorts. The celebrity cemetery just floors me- are we celebrating, mourning, just having some sad, gray cake with a visiting rat? No good possibilities there.

On the bright side- good job on your unintentional good timing post, Jen. It has to work in your favor sometimes!

Anonymous said...

Lactose Intolerant HAL...hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!

GemCityCakes said...

I *think* the "plastic" flotsom on the first one actually looks sort of like candy melt which was piped into shapes and then cooled. I could be wrong... but it's a technique I use a lot... though... I must say, I've never achieved something quite this amazingly craptastic lol. That thing is horrifying.

shikishinobi said...

Thomas the psycho train. When the photos find their way to the surface, I am going to send in a cake of Thomas the Tank Engine my Mum did for my 4th birthday, and hope it passes for Sunday's entrys.
Following that, one has to wonder where we can find a sick and twisted mind to put cakes together these days. After all, when it comes to cake, one should be as creative as possible, like stabbing a Tweety, eating dead celebrities and setting lose homocidal trains. What more do we need, I ask you?

janet2buns said...

Aren't those ants crawling on Tweety's leg, on and around the ribbon? Ewwwww. And he must be a vampire bird, since he's got a flotsam pick/stake driven through his heart.

Chimokko said...

The Faux Tweety is all kinds of tacky. One wing flipped upside down, the lumpy frosting, the glue, sprinkles and jellybean ground is just plain terrible but the real kicker is that awful tin foil cake board. Every time you get a slice of Almost-Tweety, you'll have to pick out bits of foil.

I refuse to acknowledge the train as Thomas. I don't need my childhood destroyed.

erinbow said...

Oh, my God: they crucified Tweetie!

Anonymous said...

@ Taylor--

I'm thinking it's more like too late, instead. As in, someone could have stopped this cake from happening, but instead it's here now and we all KNOW about it...


wv:remors-- Bakers aren't showing a lot of remors today, looks like to me.

Jorie R said...

It's BLAINE! BLAINE THE MONO!

Sara said...

I do believe I had those very same ballerinas on my birthday cake... in 1979!!

yvette said...

That looks like Blaine the train from Stephen Kings series "the dark tower" Now how am i going to sleep?

Abbey said...

That Tweety cake must be huge - two ice-cream cones for the beak, as perspective.

The Thomas the Tank Engine cake looks like his face was drawn on the back of a Eucharist. Very strange.

And something about that ballerina cake makes me feel quite uneasy. It has the same sinister look of neglect and decay that a dirty, old plastic doll might have. If you know what I'm saying. Awful.

Kylie said...

That first one isn't Thomas the Tank Engine. It's his drunken, evil twin - Thomas the Tanked Engine.

John said...

Feliz GumpLeanos? Wreck, Forrest, wreck!

Did they use stucco on Tweety so he would last longer? Those ice cream cones obviously took some effort to make such a dent. F for eff-ort.

What's with the big wad of netting tied around the ballerina? What is it hiding?

The Momma said...

Well, the chick is shifty-eyed, can't be trusted. You have to keep looking over your shoulder at what the hell is behind you that he seems so frightened by. And then chicky cakewreck says "Psych! Made you look!" He's a jerk.

Amy said...

I showed the Thomas cake to my 6 year old son. He said, "WHAT is that?" I said, "It's a Thomas cake. Is it good or bad?" and he said, "CREEPY, VERY CREEPY!" lol Can't even fool a kid. ha.

Joanna said...

Great, THIS is how I find out Patrick Swayze died?? WHERE WAS I??? Seriously!!

Dina said...

too funny!

Anonymous said...

I thought middle school dissection too when I saw Tweetie.

Susan said...

For the record, by 2-year-old says the clown/robot is a "monkey cake".

Patricia The Mono said...

The Blaine cake will live on in my nightmares...so glad to see others recognize him!

Anonymous said...

Didn't you know that pipe cleaners, like duct-tape, have 101 different uses?

acheter kamagra said...

Ut you how tasty it looks. And very beautiful.

acheter levitra said...

wow, are masterpieces and not cakes!