Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Who Ordered the Poo Poo Platter?

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Some Wrecks are misspelled,
Some use rapier wit.
Others are just ugly,

But these are full of...


uh, poo-like frosting clumps.

Can you handle the truth, Mandy F.?


Amy H. & Clinton C., who gets to dig the plastic plate out of all that frosting, and who gets to pinch off one of those "logs"?


Whatever you do, Jan A., do NOT zoom in on that mouse butt. Don't do it.


Ashley, as far as ads for fast-acting laxatives go, this one could be a tad more subtle.


And finally, Melissa H. found this perfect pile:
Yech. Let's just hope that "cowboy rope" has nothing to do with those nasty rumors about John Wayne's colon. Although, serving these kind of cupcakes certainly would make an impact, don't you think?


Related Wreckage: And For That Crowning Touch...
Anonymous said...

Wow!! Thanks for the diet aid. I may not eat all day after seeing those wrecks.

Judy said...

Okay, I don't get it...how do decorators NOT know that using a round tip with chocolate icing ALWAYS comes out looking like pooh! For gosh sakes a simple star tip would remedy these.


WV:unsivall - how these decorators would probably spell universal

Anonymous said...

the first one starts off looking great, pretty basket, pretty flowers.. then theres the handle. LOL.
the others... I'm speechless!

~Marie

Anonymous said...

that fourth one could be worse - it could have said 'ready in seconds'

...at which point it becomes a weapon of choice for collage dorm pranks.

Sheila M. said...

As if the "pinch off one of these logs" comments wasn't enough ... then scroll down to "make it yours, ready in minutes" - ugh! (reading material not required, but suggested). I'm just glad there's not a sign on the display case that says "Fresh Hot Cakes Sold Here". Thanks for another great blog entry! You always make my day!

Cole said...

That first one actually could have been really really nice, the flowers are pretty and the weaving on the basket doesn't look like worms after a thunderstorm... Maybe the original decorator had to go to the bathroom and some well meaning newbie decided to finish it up?

DangGina said...

Awesome. You totally saved the best for last. I laughed out loud with the "ready in minutes 'cupcakes.'" And then I saw that last cake. And the laughter turned, quite unintentionally, into a dry heave. (Then the laughter picked up again.) Seriously, what's with that last cake? I had no idea it was supposed to be a ROPE until I read the caption. I thought the "decorator" wasn't even trying for subtlety. I'm sometimes wrong though...

HorribleLicensePlates said...

Mmm! Nothing like a candy coated frosted turd to get you ready for the lunch hour!

Spheniscine said...

Irrelevant to this post, but when you say "Wreck on!" I imagine some sort of hand gesture, with the thumb, middle, and pinky extended on both hands, palms outward. It forms a W sign, and sort of looks like the "rock on" gesture...

edder said...

Ew. Just ew.

deckardcanine said...

@Judy: Are we sure it's not a customer's fault for ordering as much?

I'm just as appalled at the urban legend about John Wayne. Who thinks of these things, and who thought it tasteful to, er, pass on?

laura said...

Well, the basket on the first one is rather nice, as far as the body. The handle is where it gets, erm, questionable, shall we say?

Susan H said...

It appears there is only one cake and the rest are CCC's. I think this helps to explain the appearance of the handle on the first one.

Becky said...

Yeah-that whole I can't be bothered to use a different decorating tip thing bugs me too.
I mean, even in different colors it still looks the same-just imagine the answer to the question "Do Care Bears poop in the woods?"

Jennifer W. said...

We got our son a Lightning McQueen cake for his birthday from Walmart sight unseen (I called it in) and were a bit surprised when we got it. It appeared that Lightning had a little accident right on the cake! I never did figure out what those piles were supposed to be!!
Here's a link to one of the pics:
http://picasaweb.google.com/jenniferwaltman1976/TheLifeAndTimesOfMommy?authkey=Gv1sRgCI7TpvfY0o-ZYw#5348016485640972498
Too funny!
Jen

Viewtiful_Justin said...

Holy sh...stuff! How could anyone put that on a shelf and expect people to NOT make poo jokes?

Yota Armai said...

Um, wow, yeah that's it wow. I mean I've seen people who've requested cake to look like a steaming pile of poo, like that crazy bride who wanted two steaming piles for her and her husband to feed to each other...yeah, that was appetizing for the guests. But unintentional poo piles? Wrectastic! (Wrecktastic?)

jackie31337 said...

Is that first one a CCC? How on earth could they get the basket weave and flowers to look so pretty and drop the ball when they got to the handle?

Judy said...

@deckardcanine - when you go to a mechanic you expect him to know how to work on a car and to give you advice on what can and cannot be done. Same goes for a cake decorator, when someone comes to me and says something like..."I want an angel food covered in fondant" the responsibility is on my shoulders to say that will not work. I am the professional. That's why they're paying me. And that's why I go to a mechanic and don't try to work on my car myself. I pay for them to have the professional knowledge of their craft. (*hopefully*)

Lisa said...

I think the "Make it yours, ready in minutes" should be a Cake Wrecks shirt!!

Etiquette Bitch said...

Disgusting. I no longer have an appetite.

I was seriously wondering what the John Wayne cake was supposed to be, but your description cleared it up. Rope? Who makes a rope cake?

I'm thinking brown should be a banned color of frosting.

Etiquette Bitch said...

wait, what was the urban legend about John Wayne? What is provincial me missing?

Bonnie said...

@ Spheniscine...great idea with the 'wreck on' gesture...I've been sitting here at my desk whispering "wreck on" and trying it out...now my hands hurt, I'm going to have to work on finger flexibility...

Jen...great poost...i mean post...these are truly horribly hilarious.

Gotta go vote for the blog awards!

Bonnie B

Amy said...

Wow! Those need to be flushed! Go-Lightly colon cleanse, anyone?
Amy B.

Marita said...

Ya know, I actually think the flowers in the poop basket are very pretty.

A Paperback Writer said...

Well, those flowers in the basket are rather nice, but if you put the flowers and the poo together, it looks like my garden after the neighbors' cats have been around. Maybe that's the "realistic" affect the decorator had in mind??
As for the poo mice, I'm not too sure I'd want to eat that "cheese cake" even if the mice weren't so unappetizing. Yellowy-brown, pitted frosting isn't my favorite.

Ali said...

My 3 year old was looking over my shoulder and said, "What's that? Poop?" So, if she thinks that is what it is, there is no better judge! We were looking at the Madagascar cake, too. Glad that wasn't her birthday cake!

Gus said...

John Wayne was Jewish?

PetalsYoga said...

Your ability to observe the scatological
in all things cake continues to astound.

I see the poo everywhere too!

Anonymous said...

WhoooHooooo!

Cakewrecks made the top five in the Blog Awards!
Congratulations!

This blog makes my day!

jennifer

Kim said...

I will never understand the need or desire to have -that much- frosting on a cupcake or any other form of cake. O.o Seriously, it weirds me out. Especially with the chocolate frosting, because having that much of it just makes the cake look...wrong.

WV: filogra - the (plural-formed) unit of measure bad decorators use for applying frosting to cupcakes.

celestialcakes said...

Someone actually asked me to make a poo cake once, on purpose....

It decorated like green grass with a big pile of chocolate icing poo in the middle. No joke. Some kind of inside joke for the customer's friend...

Rosemary said...

That last one actually made me gag.

Melissa (& Billy) said...

Basket: Pretty flowers, questionable handle.

I think those little shiny piles are supposed to be Sarah Bernhardt desserts (which I absolutely love) but now I might crack up laughing the next time I have one.

And I'm trying not to click the Snopes link but I might just do it anyway. Still, that's one wrecky cupcake there, pardner.

Slap Chop, reality TV and CCC's (patooi!)--the triple scourges of our nation. Someone ought to do a PSA on CCCs (patooi!). Really! =D

WV: Yalcc--what I said when I saw these poo cakes: "Yalcc!!"

Bead Up said...

Is that last one supposed to be a rope? Seriously? It always amazes me that cake-makers actually put this crap (ba da bam!) on the shelf to sell! Don't they see that it looks like poo?

jengersnap said...

Why are there mice on the moon?

Katy N. said...

OK, I just made the mistake of reading most of that link about John Wayne and Elvis. Gross. Must find another hilarious Cake Wreck immediately to distract me from nausea ...

Anonymous said...

"Sh** cakes! I need sh** cakes!"
"Sheet cakes?"
"No. Sh** cakes! And Im in a hurry!!"
"I know just the place."

G.H. said...

Ick. No more chocolate for me!


http://confessions-of-a-waitress.blogspot.com/

mochaxlight said...

Ohhh man, the last one is just hideous.

who gets to pinch off one of those "logs"? That made me LOL.

And I definitely agree with the first comment. If there were more poo cakes, eeople definitely wouldn't be a tad plump.

Suzanne Dargie said...

Have you ever heard of "unchi kun"? It translates as "friendly poop". I learned about it back in the 1980's from a Japanese friend. If you GOOGLE it, (unchi kun) you will find it. That's what these wrecks remind me of.

Angie said...

Wtf is that last one supposed to be? Really?

I love chocolate as much as the next girl, but those poo splats would definitely not be difficult to turn away from. Yikes.

Judy said...

Thanks for the tip on the unchi Kun. Hilarious, my little poop buddy!

Here's the website if anyone else wants to look it up:

www.misterpants.com/junk/unchikun.html

msyendor said...

My homepage tuned into Cakewrecks // For my favorite sugary hits // But the cakes that were featured this morning // Were all little piles of ...

Shaving cream! Be nice and Clean!
Shave ever day and you'll always look keen!

Annmarie Ortega said...

Thanks for the funny post. I was uh... having a crappy day and you made me smile... : )

tonyia said...

uhh...wtf? eew.

Just Me,Pilgrim said...

Neato, the flower basket handle looks like a large intestine!

My craving I had for chocolate a few minutes ago is now GONE....thanks.....i think..

Rachel Leastlikely said...

aw, geez. wha... gah..?!

the john wayne one, in particular, just renders me...buh?

so unneccessarily bad...! so...nonsensically... poop-like!

DON'T THESE PEOPLE HAVE EYES???

Hyena Overlord said...

Holy crap*LOL*


wv: escramen...um...not touching it...



---------------------

One thing I intend to do is to take pics of the local bakery's obsession with filling ice cream cones full of icing and sticking them on the outside of cakes. Soon, real soon.

Kim said...

@Msyendor- Your comment made me giggle hysterically. I love that song!

Anonymous said...

Those cakes are hideous. Youch.
I was just going to read the comments, but when I saw my wordver I had to post a comment just to share it:
"Proopin."
Yes, that's right. Talk about timing!
-Deb

liz said...

Call me immune to the poo on these wrecks but man I really want chocolate icing STAT!

twinklescrapbooks said...

John Wayne's colon on a cupcake? Gross. I hate the plastic plate thing because when I have bought cakes with them, the frosting underneath tastes like bitter, lead paint filled, plastic. :( Me no likey!

Dawn said...

I've learned a valuable lesson here: Do not use a round tip with chocolate frosting.

Chocolate frosting always reminds me of poo. But I know how delicious it is, so I eat it anyway.

daundelyon said...

That first one is such a shame! The bottom half is beautiful, and then there's that horrible handle. :(

Lucia said...

WOWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dumb Blonde said...

I have no words!!!!!!

Miss Daphne said...

lol I had no idea what the rope was until you told me! I was laffing first thing this morning as I do each morning thanks to you!!

sendingtheclowns said...

Cole said...
"...Maybe the original decorator had to go to the bathroom and some well meaning newbie decided to finish it up?"
*****************
Hmmm...maybe. OR, the original decorator had to go to the bathroom---and just DID IT on the cake. *I* don't trust it, personally.
I wonder if they wash their hands between cakes...
*************
@ Spheniscine: I tried the gesture, too...but with my long, bony fingers, it looks like I'm making a threatening gesture with a pair of chicken feet. Bummer.
(Wreck on...bwraaawwk!?)

Jessica Gonzalez said...

The basket had such potential...until the poop handle! Bummer!

sendingtheclowns said...

And, as long as we've got our minds in the crapper, here's something I find a bit iffy on that cake with the mouseturd-colored frosting. What are supposedly "holes" in the Mound O' Cheese look more like rolled condoms that someone tossed carelessly into the frosting bowl.
All the better to gross you out with, right?
=^@@^=

Double N said...

I'm thinking that the Happy Birthday John Wayne thing is supposed to look like a...well...a cow patty. Maybe in honor of the whole cowboy thing? The rest of them are just craptastic! ( sorry, I had to go there..hehehe)

Missie said...

There are just no words...

Scritzy said...

So gross. So very gross.

hpj1228 said...

That curly hair is oh-so-disgusting. I've been talking with friends and this one clearly wins the oh-no-you-didn't award! Points for lack of grammar mistakes, though! Wait, did that bird just regurgitate?

WV: irattoo - the tattoo that makes you really irate. In the same vein as a wrecktastic cake prickles your feathers.

Morgan said...

Is that basket of flowers a CCC?

If it was... so well executed!... until they manhandled the cake.

Wolvie Girl said...

The first thing I thought of when I saw the Madagascar wreck was Mason the Chimp's line: "if you have any poo, fling it now."

bunnywuffles said...

D'you know, before I started reading this blog, I had never heard of - let alone seen - a cupcakecake (CCC) ?

I don't know whether it is because I am in the UK and we don't have such things (maybe) or I obviously don't shop at the right stores, but quite apart from the EWWW factor at all that sugary foamy topping on most of the CCCs I have seen here, it just strikes me as plain lazy work on the part of the baker.

Also, in the UK we seem to have a different interpretation of the word cupcake, as evidenced by the article here:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/travel/blog/2007/jul/16/newyorkcupcakerationingave

So all in all, for me at least, CCCs are a wreck in themselves - before the decorator gets creative with the chocolate icing!

Alix said...

Oh the "logs" and the John Wayne pile. Delish!

Miss Attitude said...

LMAO! I didn't think it was possible for me to see a piece of cake I wouldn't eat... but all those piles of poo are disgusting!

Kelly said...

Your uncanny ability to pun your way through every post is amazing! You have some mad pun skills Jen.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for the poop jokes! My abusive grandfather is dying, my mom's having a breakdown, I'm on the other side of the country trying to get a flight so I can join in the madness, and a good frosting-looks-like-poop post was just what I needed this morning.

Lynn said...

Oh, no, now that will make you lose your appetite real quick !

Janice (5 Minutes for Mom) said...

I think that cupcake pile is seared into my mind for eternity. Brown icing will never be the same!

Alex said...

the last one is really horrible.

sleeplessnights04 said...

all I can do is laugh hard and say ahhh poop!

For Esme said...

i was inspired by the poop cupcakes and decided to make some of my own
http://for-esme-with-love.blogspot.com/

Kingsmom said...

absolutely hilarious!

Anonymous said...

I wonder if it's a reff. to 'John Wayne toilet paper'. It's tough and won't take sh*t off anyone.?????????? maybe?