Monday, July 6, 2009

Well, I'm Stumped

Monday, July 6, 2009

There is a tradition of making wedding cakes that look like tree stumps. Why? Beats me. And since many of them have little shotgun shells decoratively sprinkled around the edges, I'll let one of you ask.

Here's an example of a stump wedding cake, and also what bride Zsofia asked her baker to make for her wedding:

As you can see, it is remarkably stumpy. Now, again, you may be questioning the reasoning behind celebrating a new life of love together with a murdered tree. To this I say: It's not like it's a real tree, so let it go already. Besides, that's not the point.

So what IS the point?

The point, my dear Wreckies, is that Zsofia got THIS for her wedding cake:


See? Betcha don't give a poo-streaked muck pile why people order stump cakes now. Now you just want a better view of this poo-streaked muck pile.

Happy to oblige, my friends, happy to oblige:

This is a wedding cake, people. A wedding cake. For somebody's wedding. Which people were expected to eat. With their mouths.

Now don't get me wrong: the green shredded coconut adds a festive touch to those 15 cent cardboard rounds, and the fake bird is totally workin' it. Still, the bride suspects (and from this photo, I think with good reason) that the cake may have fallen over a few times en route, since in addition to looking - well, like this - it was an hour late to the reception.

Happily, though, Zsofia reports that by the time the cake arrived most of the guests were too drunk to care what the cake looked like, anyway.

[sniffle] Aw, I just love happy endings, don't you?


- Related Wreckage: Inspiration vs Perspiration
Anonymous said...

(staring in open mouthed horror)

What. Is. That????

(shudder...)

Kelli F.

Judy said...

I truly am STUMPED! Was the decorator able to CARVE out an excuse after the bride tore a strip off her and BARKed at her about the ROTTEN to the CORE job she did. I WOODEN't have wanted to have been her. I bet the bride was really BUGGED and the decorator wasn't very POPLAR after that. And how about those mushrooms? I bet the groom wasn't much of a FUNGI after he saw the cake either. He probably felt like a real SAP for paying for it. Still they WOOD have each other and the NUTTY memories!

dottie park said...

I wonder if the bride presented the baker with a photo of the original fondant cake and asked it to be done in buttercream. Not saying that excuses the way the final cake LOOKS...but you can lose a LOT in translation when you go from fondant to buttercream.

laura said...

That's just sad. I don't know what I would do if that were my cake. Throw up, maybe?

dottie park said...

And what's in that box to the right, with all the wildlife on it? It looks more like the top of the original cake.

Amy said...

I think the tree-stump cake has a lot to do with the romantic history of carving one's initials and the initials of one's beloved into a tree.

And it's easier to realize a stump in sugar and frosting than it is to realize an entire tree.

Still, that cake is a total fail. Wow. I hope she got her money back!

waterhouse96 said...

That is truly one of the most tragic things I've ever seen. Yea to being too drunk to care!

bourbonmama said...

Why are we not mentioning the cardboard in the middle of the cake? Is that standard practice? Seems like it would make it super difficult to cut.

Dorci said...

True wrecky hideousness.

It had to have been late because they were just too dang embarrassed to bring it. Maybe the whole "wait 'til they're drunk" thing is the plan they have every time a cake comes out looking, well..crappy.

Melinda said...

That cake was hideous! I wasn't particularly fond of what she asked for, except for the adorable little toadstools on the top. How cute were those?

Anonymous said...

Did anyone else notice the cardboard sandwiched between the top two layers? Extra fiber, perhaps? Yikes.
WV: Nuburr- the guests reaction upon seeing this cake.
Carrie B.

Anonymous said...

The Giving Tree, maybe?

DeAnn said...

I hope they didn't charge her for this wreck.

eilbeback said...

Somebody get an ax! QUICK!

WV: breasp... not touchin' it...

MMCQuarterback said...

I don't know what you all are complaining about. At first glance, I actually thought it was the same picture twice. They're virtually identical. OK, off to my cataract surgery. . . .

naomi

Jen said...

There's cardboard IN the cake! In between the top two layers! Gross!

Camille and Luke said...

How sad! I thought the bird was a snail... That really grossed me out. I'm glad it's really a bird tho.

Love your blog! Thanks!

Running 365 said...

That bird is "workin' it" and so are the butterflies, but no amount of woodland animal effort could save that pile of brown-food-coloring-painted fondant. Oh, that is so sad.

Melinda said...

WHAAAAAATTTT????? I cannot EVEN believe a baker would present that to a bride on her wedding day! I think I'd have thrown it him, and demanded a refund! A plain white sheet cake from the nearest grocery would have been better than THAT! Ugh.

chelsea said...

That is deeply disturbing.

I honestly thought the sample cake was going to be the wreck, but to imagine someone giving you that pile of crap FOR YOUR WEDDING?

It may trump the plaid cake.

Bonniejean said...

I tried to find the meaning of tree stump cakes online, but all I found is that they are more common than one would think. I mean really, it has to mean something other than the destruction of natural living things, because that's tacky for a wedding...

John Hill said...

As to the great question of Why Stumps?

One word - loggers.

More words - around here, deep in the South, there are stump tombstones. Let that sink in for a bit. Stump. Tombstones.

I can get a picture if you like

John H.

Anonymous said...

"This is a wedding cake, people. A wedding cake. For somebody's wedding. Which people were expected to eat. With their mouths."

Laughing out loud this morning thanks to your caption.

Thank you!

Judy said...

Yes Jen noticed the "15 cent cardboard rounds", Read the commentary people!

Jessi said...

Can we talk about the butterflies? For one thing, how did the single, elegant butterfly on the example turn into a plethora of butterflies swarming like bees around the pile of poo. And I am not positive, but I believe that the single butterfly was not a dimestore plant stick, attached to the cake with a not entirely hygenic piece of wire.

WV: suksal - Wow, that cakes suksal the big one.

Jessica from Michigan said...

This could be my favorite wedding wreck, although I must admit that it'd hard to choose just one.

DangGina said...

Yeah. These posts are always my faves: what I ordered vs. what I got. I know I shouldn't laugh at the expense of others, but DANG...

Roses said...

Geez.
I looks like meat.

Delibird said...

That cake looks more like a rolled rump roast than a tree strump. One that was rolled in the dirt to boot.

wv: porken -- or maybe a rolled pork roast?

Ms Avery said...

....

Chel said...

I have to be honest- both cakes are pretty wrecktastic, all things considered.

Anonymous said...

Having witnessed the recreation of a wedding cake that hit the floor before hitting the table, I believe this cake may have gone through the same process. One giveaway on the cake I personally saw was the carpet fibers embedded in the icing. I zoomed this photo in and I think I see similar evidence. (Click on the photo to zoom in). I hope the bride was also sufficiently soused!

Amy C said...

Holy mother of god. That is not a stump. That is not a tree.

And the fact that the cardboard is actually in the cake AND in plain view? And an hour late? Holy cow.

That better be a free cake. That and get the cake decorator fired.

i {heart} papers said...

WOW...I seriously hope they didn't have to pay for that.

Lisa said...

It doesn't excuse not covering the edges of the cardboard rounds with frosting, but I assume they were between the layers because the layers would later be separated before the cake was cut up and served.

Donna said...

I think the wreck is awesome....if you ordered a 'cake that looks like roast beef'. really, i'm sure the baker just got the orders mixed up. *gag*

Tracey said...

Up there with my favourite cakewrecks, the commentary had me sniggering like an idiot.

"...with their mouths..."

You are a legend :-)

sleepsong said...

I hope they didn't try to make her *pay* for that horror...

Margaret said...

stump tombstones are from a company called Woodmen of the World. so that should make some sense. My grandaddy has one. rather nice actually. Not hot for a cake though. Ugh.

*~*Zann*~* said...

I wonder if the stump cakes have anything to do with the book "The Giving Tree". I've always thought that it was the perfect expression of a parent/child relationship, where the tree constantly gives and the child constantly takes, only for the child to eventually realize what has been taken, and yet, the tree still gives. However, I guess you could look at it as you both are constantly giving, like the tree does, in a marriage. Or someone just liked the romance of the initial carving in the tree (which the boy does in the book as well).

That said, that cake sucks.

MzHartz said...

At least they didn't try to recreate the toadstools on top. I can only imagine what (how inappropriate) those would've come out like.

CurlyMarie said...

I think this is truly the worst cake wreck yet. How horrible. Please, Zsofia, we need to know more backstory! What happened next??

Anonymous said...

The guests were too drunk to care? Maybe the baker was drunk, too, WHILE making the cake! The only explanation of tree stump wedding cakes I could find were references to it being "traditional." As others have said, maybe it relates to carving initials in a tree, or maybe it has to do with getting married under a special tree? I really hope that cake was free. Even then, I'd send someone to the grocery for cupcakes.

Judy said...

I think the tree stump cakes are meant to represent enduring love. Just like carving your names in a heart on the side of a tree. It's meant to be there "forever"....Or I guess as long as the tree doesn't get struck by lightning :D

Landry said...

My favorite part is that you can see the cardboard rounds under each layer. Nothing says "tasty" like "cardboard layers". Nom nom nom.

Jenny Georgio-who said...

Oh My God! I would be so pissed off if that was my cake. I was actually a cake nazi for my wedding. I was super picky about the cake and getting exactly what I wanted. I would have DIED if my cake would have turned out like that. Ouchie..

btw: my word verification word is pabutpag...is it just me or does that sound like a curse word?

deckardcanine said...

You see poo streaks; I see barbecue sauce.

Trevor said...

I'm a little disappointed you didn't mention the lovely cardboard sticking out from the top tier. Wow, even I could do this.

Anonymous said...

@ Anonymous,

Holy smoke you're right...there's a HAIR stuck to the side; you can see it in the zoom shot.

A (vomit) curly, WIRY hair.

Kait said...

Reading this blog, I think there is a lesson to be learned: stick with the styles that you find in your local baker's portfolio. If you want something unusual, be prepared to pay extra for someone who knows what they're doing.

I'm wondering if too many people are watching that "Ace of Cakes" and thinking that all bakers can do that sort of stuff?

Kaitlin

jackie31337 said...

Ok, these wrecks have scared me to the point that I've decided I'm just having a plain white sheet cake for my wedding. Kind of hard to screw that up, right? Umm... right?

*MagPie* said...

This is a wedding cake, people. A wedding cake. For somebody's wedding. Which people were expected to eat. With their mouths.

ZOMG! I'm sitting in a cubical farm deep in forensic accounting trenches and I LOL'd (actually, I snorted hot tea out of my nose onto my keyboard). Do you know what they do to accountants that LOL?

Raychel said...

Wow... how depressing.

Raychel - MyCreativeWay.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

Is there even any icing on that cake? It looks like it was rubbed with brown corn syrup. And the bird looks real. But dead. Ewwww.

Angie said...

My only question is the same as it is on many of these wrecks...

Did they actually have to pay for that?

sambrael said...

I think the butterflies really tie it all together...*snork*

Lucia said...

I AM STUMPED!!!!!!! That is SOME Wreck!!

Is it just me, or does it look like there is dried blood on top??!?!

Donna said...

That's just embarrassing! I am embarrassed for the decorator!

Jillian said...

Is that cardboard in there?

beege said...

I've seen the little yellow butterflys working the puddle over the septic system. Who knew Nature could be so aptly replicated in buttercream?

Now I don't have to wonder and can get on with my life.

Chris (Mombie) said...

That is one seriously horrific cake, and some seriously awesome commentary. Go Jen!

If I went to a wedding with a stump cake I would assume the bride was pregnant (up the stump being a euphemism for pregnancy)and they were making a joke out of the situation (since few people are horrified by a pregnant bride anymore. If there were shotgun shells as additional decorations I would assume they were taking it up a notch to joke about a shotgun wedding.

Jade said...

It really does look like someone might have dropped it whilst delivering, let it roll down a hill through some poop and then picked it up at the end, stuck a few butterflies in it and hoped for the best. My god, what a mess.

Deray said...

Please tell me she didn't pay for THAT! If I had received that I would have thought that it was a SIGN that I shouldn't get married, jajajajaja

Roust said...

Regarding the relationship of stumps to weddings, the only connection I know of is the phrase "jump the stump" which refers to marrying within their own family. Not something you'd brag about by way of a cake. Not a problem with the second example as it bears no resemblance to any form of cake ever known, cow pie maybe, but cake no.

Bookworm said...

Oh god. *No comment*

Amy said...

That is really bad. LOL

~Amy B.

wv: entel "The latest entel reports that there are more wrecky stump cakes out there somewhere just waiting to be discovered!"

Vivian Guest said...

I had a whole comment ready about how someone told me their family tree didn't branch out, it was more like a stump, and maybe that's the story behind these stump cakes, but now I just don't have the heart to do it! No one deservies a wedding cake like this! Why can't a baker just admit that they can't pull it off when the order comes in?

Christina M. said...

So many questions: Is that cardboard I see peeking out from under the top layer, In full view? Is the bottom layer trying to eat that bird? Is the green supposed to be grass, moss, or something else? Are the butterflies just as confused as I am about how to look away from this wreck?

I'm curious what the bride's experience was receiving this.

TruCelt said...

I'm betting the tree stumps are supposed to reflect "The Giving Tree". This is a children's book which I've always thought was excellent training for young codependents who didn't quite grasp the need to discount their own needs _completely_ in order to get sadists to believe they are loved. . . http://www.amazon.com/Giving-Tree-Shel-Silverstein/dp/B000NY2R40/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1246896633&sr=8-2

Vanilla said...

It looks like a charred round of meat. Now I want kielbasa. With kosciusko. Mmmmm...

Anonymous said...

LOL LOL!!!

My favorite part is that unmistakeable edge of the corrugated cardboard smack in the middle. WE can even see the little wavy line running through it. LOVE IT!!! Absolutely mindboggling why this couldn't have been smeared over with the same delectable frosting, or maybe even covered with a line of plastic insects....

Domanda said...

Did you notice that there's a "JR" written on the top tier? There might possibly be an "S+" to the left of it, (it's hard to tell in all the could-be-poo-could-be-smeared-blood frosting wreckiness), but that still doesn't make sense if the bride's name is spelled "Zsofia". So add misspelling to the list of what's wrong with this cake! Hurrah!

Oh, and the blue butterfly is upside down. The list goes on and on...

Glory von Hathor said...

Are we 100% sure the bottom two bits of wreck aren't glazed ham? Looks kind of meaty to me.

Of all the colours to mix surely brown is the easiest?

Sonya said...

I also tried to look up "tree stump cake" and found refs to: golf, paintball, old-fashioned. In Martha Stewarts wedding mag she has a tree stump cake with branches on it. It does seem to be popular though I don't know why???? I did find a link to some that at least look like a tree stump! Most were "wrecks" though!

Gimme a sign said...

I agree with Chris (Mombie) -- I immediately thought "up the stump" when I saw these cakes.

I come by that immediate reaction honestly. I had my wedding photographs taken in a forest, and for one shot the photographer stood me on a tree stump, leaning down to kiss the groom. My mother's immediate reaction to the pose was that it was crass in an up-the-stump kinda way.

Melissa (& Billy) said...

D=

Just... D=

Wow. There really are no words.

Charmaine @ randalswife said...

I have to know, did the bride for it?! You need to start telling us these things!!!

Amy said...

Your mention of...*ahem*...shotgun shells...reminded me of a phrase you might hear in Newfoundland (originally a British phrase, which makes sense if you know NL history) - if your beloved is pregnant, you'd say she's "up the stump". I don't know why that is, but lots of traditional Newfoundland phrases make no sense to me, why should this one :).

Julie said...

Jen, can we please have a warning at the top when your comments will make us laugh out loud, like today's post? A person could get in trouble reading this at work! :)

Etiquette Bitch said...

ugh. okay, i think it's understood that tree stump cakes are not a great idea. but still...i gotta say i love the fake bird -- looks like he's pooping on the fake grass.

Anonymous said...

In the deep South, in the 19th and early 20th century, there was a tradition in funerary monuments of carving tree stumps in stone to signify a life cut short. Maybe the bride and groom are viewing their impending nuptials in the same light?

Love your blog by the way!

JoMama said...

Oh. My. GOD! That is beyond hideous and I'm thinking the baker was wasted when he/she made this monstrosity. Good heavens, I just can't believe that someone made this and then BROUGHT IT TO THE WEDDING!

Jenniffer said...

OMG! I don't know WHY brides are wanting stump cakes, it must be the new in-fashion thing! I have done 2 as groom's cakes over the past month!! I think mine came out a little better than those though.. WHEW!!

-Jenniffer
http://cupadeecakes.blogspot.com

knitwit said...

You know how you always remember every little detail that went wrong at your wedding? I'm thinking Zsofia's husband will be hearing about this for years.

Donna said...

I always enjoy these posts but this one had me laughing to the point of tears. I had trouble reading the final paragraphs. This after a long, grueling day of work- thank you! Thank you!

Anonymous said...

and THAT, boys and girls, is why you serve alcohol at weddings. >nodding sagely<

WV: Manti: man panties.

bernthis said...

Ay, yay yay! I'm surprised the guy who delivered it didn't lick some of the "frosting" off and let me say that Bird looks way too real. Maybe they killed it and stuffed it and then put it on the cake.

Ay!!!

mochaxlight said...

Thos fake plastic butterflies really bring it all together. :b

Mama-Beans said...

Lordy Cripes, I hope she didn't pay for that.

Shoshana said...

That coconut looks like exactly like cole slaw. o.O Some things cannot be unseen...

I don't care what the baker says - I'm overseeing the making of my wedding cake. End of story.

StephW said...

I must defend the stump cake because we had one at our wedding... Only it was a groom's cake and not the actual wedding cake. And it didn't look like poo. And we had a pet squirrel that we wanted to include in our reception so the cake had an adorable figurine of two kissing squirrels on it. Our cake was awesome... Poor bride. :(

greygarious said...

Are you sure that's a fake bird? Could be a dead one that was crushed by the falling trunk! Worse, from the height of the box on the right, it looks like the layers of this abomination were transported individually, for assembly on-site - perhaps by the guy attending this wedding wearing what appears to be a T-shirt. If so, there was yet another slab to go atop the melting poo-goo pile.
Stand back!

RooManda said...

Oooohwow. The second cake makes the inspiration cake look a little yummy.

And for the record, a "poo-streaked muck pile" has ruined my craving for cake today.

Anonymous said...

Shameful. I wouldn't even have left the "bakery" with it, nor would I have paid.

Anonymous said...

Good gosh, I nearly choked on my hot pocket. You can turn away your own wedding cake, right?

I too enjoyed the "With their mouths" remark, keep up the good work!

Anonymous said...

I googled "tree stump cakes why" in case there was some sort of traditional symbolism at work here. And found this. http://www.flickr.com/photos/30559561@N07/3123638944/. I have nothing more to say.

Diana said...

Can someone please tell me what the objects on the right side of the middle tier are? Because they look to me as though they are somewhere between leeches, slugs, and poop from that bird next to them. Thoughts?

WV: cousi - you're keeping it in the family if you get hitched to your cousi.

Anonymous said...

OH....MY....GOD!!!!! There are just no words....



Yvonne

Chris at yardsalequeen.com said...

I think the 15-cent cardboard rounds were the cake decorator's attempt to make the tree stump as authentic as possible and he/she deserves credit for the that - since cardboard comes from trees.

Julie in Arlington said...

The stump tombstones are for "Woodmen of the World", a fraternal organization, that I believe is actually quite good. I was wondering if there might be some sort of tie-in. Anything to not have to look at or think about today's entry. Welcome back, Jenn!

RAchel said...

My favorite part is the cardboard layer. To ensure everyone got the same allotted amount of fiber if they ate a real tree stump?

Cakey Goodness said...

In both pictures, I clearly see "fu + JR" as the inscription. Perhaps the wreckerator had some passive-aggressive angst toward Zsofia. Also, are those rocks or bizarre Jelly Bellys behind the white flower? And there is something definitely wrong with those purple flowers.

Anonymous said...

"Amy said...
I think the tree-stump cake has a lot to do with the romantic history of carving one's initials and the initials of one's beloved into a tree."

I think you're exactly right . . .

Still, why anyone would [i]request[/i] one for their wedding seems, well, I don't know . . .I'm stumped.

Amanda said...

It is totally a must have for an apron or t-shirt. It has to have the "with their mouths" bit on there also. :)

Cameron said...

First, stump cakes should be make with at least two branches sticking out, indicating the root system is still alive, leaving no grounds for objection.

And the one on the bottom kind of looks like the notorious "bacon explosion." Not bad at all. THERE'S an idea for a wedding cake!

Anonymous said...

Um...I'm thinking that the decorator and the delivery guy got a head start on the drunk thing, so that by the time that they delivered the cake, they were even less aware than the wedding guests as to the state of the cake.

And not paying for this doesn't even seem like enough. They should pay her. But not in cake!

Kristen said...

I realized I had a problem when I sat here looking at the cake and caught myself saying "c'mon, people, fau bois isn't that hard!"

Oh, dear.

WATERBABY CHRISTINE said...

C'mon now, let's be fair. That cake in the box to the right is obviously the top layer. We should wait until the whole thing is properly assembled before passing judgement. I'm sure it will be an absolute vision of loveliness.
WV: coddlen - as in, "What in coddlen's name were you thinking?"

Little Lovables said...

Wow, that is so so VERY sad! And I have seen some absolutely gorgeous tree stump cakes... gorgeous!

like these:

http://minelolly.blogspot.com/2009/03/branches-and-butterfly-wedding.html

Judy said...

Okay I found the Woodmen of the world tree stump grave markers. Some of them are actually quite remarkable

http://www.flickr.com/groups/tree_gravestones/

Mari said...

Does the stump symbolize chopping down a tree to build a home? Did you get an answer? This is like the bloody lamb thing at easter all over again...

Finding that answer drove me crazy and this seems more obscure! guess I have my work cut out for me!

AmandA said...

That's just awful.

Judy said...

@ Kristen : What the heck is fau bois?????

Shell said...

It looks like a manure pile, especially with the butterflies "fluttering" around it like that, it reminds me of a cow patty.

hahaha.

StuffCooksWant said...

So so horrible...both stumps are hideous piles of poo. The green coconut is for Easter for the bunny cake to sit on, definitely NOT for a stumpy wedding cake to sit upon. (Yes, I know it's f-ugly for the bunny to sit upon too!)

I Punched A Werewolf in the Face said...

I think the first one is supposed to be symbolic.

Like, the mushroom out of the (dead) tree stump is supposed to symbolize new life from old? Like, circle of life/love thing going on.

Which is a beautiful concept, except I'm not sure anyone wants their marriage compared to a fungi, but whatever floats your boat.

That second one looks like it was finger painted frosted. See how artfully that J+R was done? Wow.

Aurora said...

I think the tree cake has somethinng to do with the rings on the inside lasting a lifetime and the couple starting their own life tree together. I know it is something like that. I had a vendor at a bridal show tell me like 6 years ago but its a bit fuzzy! Carving the initials makes an imprint on the tree forever... Like their love...... *gag* something like all that!

Anonymous said...

I think it looks more like BBQ sauce than poo. Maybe it's because we just celebrated July 4th. Either way it's gross.

Anonymous said...

For some reason I expect Yogi, Ranger Rick and/or Boo Boo to pop out of the cake.

Someone has been ingesting a few too many 'shrooms before or while baking.

Bryna said...

Besides all the obvious, my question is why is there grass ABOVE the bottom of the (loosly based) tree stump? Horrid!

Steph said...

I don't think the bride asked for a Bloody Stump....just a regular one... Oh my...there are no words...

Musing Truth said...

Oh this is awful!! It doesnt even look like a cake!! Why do people even pay for these things?

I've never heard of this tradition - does it have something to do with The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein?

craftyashley said...

I am still trying to understand why she would request the "nice" one. Yes, the one she got is truly horrendous. But her example wasn't much better! Both horrible!

Anna C. Morrison said...

Wow. And I bet the cardboard between the tiers was the yummiest part!

G.H. said...

ohh NO! Poor bride. I would have been horrified. I hope she got her money back..

GH


http://confessions-of-a-waitress.blogspot.com/

Brittany said...

That cake is completely unacceptable, in my opinion. What she got was NOT what she paid for. I don't care if it is cake, I wouldn't eat it because it really does look like a pile of poo!

Hyena Overlord said...

The only tree part of this wreck are the trees that died to make the cardboard rounds and the box it was shipped in. I suggest we send Fangorn Forest to the bakery to teach them a lesson.

The only carving should be done...oh never mind.*L*

Sili said...

I thought the problem was gonna be the "R+R" for someone named Zsofia.

Then I scrolled down ...

Julie said...

oh that poor girl...

HaBro said...

Um, give that to me at my wedding and I will...I don't know what, but really people? Really? Oh my!

diddleymaz said...

Wow.. so bad.. its good ..in a hypnotic, sort of awfullness way, and good heavens you can see corugated cardboard in it!!!

Anonymous said...

OMG, they left the CARDBOARD in it?!?!?!

Sharon said...

That first cake is a 70's flashback to when ceramic owls, mushrooms, macrame, kitchen witches, and other kitsch was popular.

As for the other other cake, all I can say is it's a known fact that butterflies are attracted to poop.

Sharon said...

In regards to the bird...
Anyone familiar with the parable about the freezing sparrow, the cow and the cat...

>.>

<.<

Orchid Grey said...

ohmygod.....

dottie park said...

About the cardboard cake rounds...they are SUPPOSED to be in there to support the many layers. you're just not supposed to SEE them. Any stacked cake is going to have cardboard or foamboard under every couple of layers, and then there will be straws or dowels in the cake to support the weight.

Ruthie! said...

i think i would punch someone in the face if they delivered this to my wedding.

this is a WRECK indeed!

krazykris said...

I wonder what the cake would have looked like if the bride hadn't provided a photo?
I have a feeling that the baker was a "friend of a friend" who had made "beeeaaaautiful cakes" before!!!
I wonder if anyone checked to see if that was really painted icing or someone just rubbed a crapped in diaper all over the top???

...going to puke now!

Zsofia said...

This is my cake!!

The stump idea was because my husband is a lumberjack and it was a quaint woodland renaissance wedding. (Hey, it's better than the boars head I originally was thinking about)

The cake was fondant! Or at least, that's what I ordered!!

And, yes, I had already paid in advance for the cake. The maker was a friend of the family and we were kinda stuck footing the bill.

...at least it tasted good

Zsofia said...

Oh, and for my reaction..

Initially, I was pretty pissed that when we got to the reception the cake was nowhere to be found. I went a little overboard and my new husband kept giving me sips of mead to calm me down.
Once the cake showed up, due to my now being pretty hammered, we just thought it was hilarious albeit embarrassing. We cut the thing as soon as possible just to get it out of the way.

Honestly, we had such a wonderful wedding, we let it go. The memory was one we will always recall over and over to much hilarity.

FlutterbyeFaery AKA Evie said...

Zsofia girl, I love you but yeah... that cake deserves this post!!! :D *hugs* sweetie!

You totally made my day posting my BFF's wedding cake!!!

Lex said...

WOW! That guy hanging out behind the cake really makes the picture. He's just so happy!

Amy B. said...

I just threw up in my mouth...twice!

Char said...

Lemme guess.. the decorator is blind?

Jenna said...

Oh. My.

Are they color blind? I mean, the first one is nearly frigging WHITE. And late, too?

This is why you want a pro and a contract.

WP - antic .... yep, pretty much.

Anonymous said...

It is not butterflies, but flies that are perched on the heap. Great job with impersonation!

twinklescrapbooks said...

It most definitely needs a gnome!

Anonymous said...

The reason that some people get stumps for wedding cakes is because sometimes lovers carve their names into tree stumps.

But it's still a terrible idea.

Ndina said...

Seems not that not the guests were drunk - check out the guy laughing in the top-right corner....and all I can say about that cake is...OY.

Jenna said...

WV: canaudi - Canaudimagine eating that while sober, but I'd totally eat it drunk.

Sleepwalker said...

Thank goodness Zsofia had a good sense of humor about it. What a craptastic pile of poo!

Judy said...

Oh I can only imagine what the boars head cake would have looked like if it were done by this decorator Zsophia!

Marcel said...

jen you crack me up. so...my husband retired from the air force yesterday...21 years. i'm sitting here thinking...darn..dang...why didn't i take a picture of that cake? cuz girl...that tennis racket was something to behold. anywho...have you done military retiree wreckages? (of which I sent the booster club president a photo of the nasa cake wreckage -- cuz my hubby worked on some of their stuff...and said..hey...i was thinking...lol..) thanks again jen for the laughs. lauren

Kat and Kim said...

Just found your site, haven't laughed so hard in ages. Keep up the astoundingly funny work.

Jasry said...

To me, it looked like the bride had to stack her own cake! It just totally amazes me, what some people expect money for, and it is beyond amazing that some people PAY that money. *shakes head* You'd think it would be easier to get my own business up and running, since I actually CARE what my cakes look like. Sheesh.

Ruby Slippers said...

It's hysterical that you can see the cardboard between the top two layers. Like it was cut out of a box!

I don't feel so bad about you featuring my wreck, now. I think I fared better than this poor bride!

(Although I never did feel bad about my wreck on here, you know).

Amelia said...

Zsofia,
You are a real trooper to have taken this catastrophe so well! I just have such a hard time seeing wedding cakes go so horribly wrong. I'm a cake decorator myself and have nightmares of things going wrong when it comes to weddings. I just can't believe anyone would accept a cake order without knowing that they were capable of accomplishing the right end result!!! Your reputation is on the line! This cake should never have happened.

Definitely one of the best wrecks I've seen.

Becca said...

LOL. Nice.

Just in case you were still wondering, the stumps are a German tradition. The bride and groom are supposed to saw a log together at the wedding--a symbol of all the work they'll do together. But we're lazy now. We don't want to cut down trees and saw logs. So we make WRECKTASTIC cakes out of them.

Good find.

Kristen said...

"Faux bois" is fake wood-graining. I only know this because I have read one too many Martha Stewart magazines. (But it really IS easy to do.)

MrsSoersdal said...

It looks like the picture in "The Giving Tree" I think. At least that's why I would get one if I did.

-Heather

Anonymous said...

zoom in on the second picture of the wreck and you see that there is a GIANT CURLY HAIR on the left hand side of the cake, I think on the bottom half. EW.

Carrietastic said...

OMFG that's horrible!!! But I do love the wedding cake posts "this is what she asked for" / "this is what she GOT". Luckily the person who made my cake at my wedding 5.5 weeks ago is a Cake Wrecks reader ;)

Kitty said...

Sorry, both the "good" example and the outcome are hideous. Of course, the latter monstrosity is way more awful, but seriously: a white rotund blob (last I looked, tree stumps didn't taper at the end) with THICK black lines that are only slightly reminscent of tree bark.
Nah, I'm not impressed...

Anonymous said...

thats the tree from the giving tree. if it looked nice, i think it would be pretty romantic

i take the cake said...

Well... Wood is supposed to be the symbol for a ten year anniversary, like gold for the 50th, and garnet for the 70th... maybe they dated for ten years. ...and all you people saying that details get lost in translation from fondant to butter cream frosting. This may be true, however, nobody should ever get that lost.

Alyssa B.

ene said...

I realize that this is going out on a limb (ta da da!), but there is a (slim) possibility that the stump cake was requested by a couple of Francophiles who were particularly obsessed with the film "Tell No One." In which case, I would have liked to have gone to that wedding...

Anonymous said...

umm is it normal to have cardboard between levels 1 and 2?
i mean.. ive baked a wreck or two in my day.. some of which may have tasted like cardboard, but even then, i didnt actually include cardboard in the recipe.

also. the butterflies are a nice touch.. though i think the insect they were looking for was a poofly.

Anonymous said...

THAT'S SO SAD!!!!!
That was a wedding cake!?
wow...

VeggieT said...

"Is that Ham?" - My Mom, when I showed her the picture...

Jenifer said...

The sad part is the baker probably took all day to get that "real wood" look. ROFL!

Amanda said...

"This is a wedding cake, people. A wedding cake. For somebody's wedding. Which people were expected to eat. With their mouths."

When I read this, I laughed so hard I peed a little.

(Captcha: "diploot", which only made me laugh some more. I think this cake shall henceforth be known as the diploot.)

Anonymous said...

I was the baker of the top tree stump cake. I was a little shocked and surprised to find one of my cakes on this web site (which I have been browsing for hours and laughing my *ss of at).

This was one of my first wedding cakes. I believe the bride was from Zimbabwe. But I can't remember. I'm not sure if that had anything to do with her choice in cakes or not.

I'm not sure whether to feel honored or miffed here. You can bet that each handmade mushroom and butterfly and hand painted flower took some serious time. Much more time than I charged for (seeing as how I was a novice).

However, since I have forsaken the wedding cake business for the higher calling of wife and mother, I'll just let it slide.

john (the hubby of Jen) said...

Dear Anonymous the last,

Sure it's your cake but it's the example of the GOOD one. We had to have the inspiration for the beauty that followed. Just cause it's here doesn't mean it's a wreck. And believe me, I know how hard the flowers are.

Thanks for being so cool!

john

Anonymous said...

Did anyone else notice the corn on the cob in the middle picture, on the far left? Wonder if it was roasted...mmm...I'd eat the cake too, as long as it tasted okay. I don't ask for much :)

Anonymous said...

On second thought...I would eat the cake if it hadn't rolled on the ground (or anywhere else) first. :)

DeeNadj said...

Timeline:
The "cake" arrives.
15 secs later: Bride attacks baker.
30 secs later: 911 is called.
2mins later: Bride is arrested for attempted murder.

I would GLADLY do serious jail time over that. Not that there is a jury in the world that would look at those pictures and actually CONVICT me. I'd probably get a commendation.

Amanda said...

GAWD this made me laugh so hard I choked on my own spit.

Lavinia said...

If I get a horrific cake from a specialty baker on my wedding or any other special day, I'd throw out the mess and just buy an elegant, generic ready-made cake from a supermarket.

Why don't these brides just replace the horror with something else?

Anonymous said...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT"S COMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Melanisia said...

I saw the top one and went awwwwwww.

Then I saw the bottom one and went straight to AAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!