Tuesday, July 21, 2009

I'm Guessing They Didn't Have a Matching Card

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Well, at least it didn't say "Happy".
(And you have to admit: the glowsticks are an inspired touch.)

Mmmm, cancer rat.


Slice of dead Lenin, anyone?

I mean, it looks just like Lenin's perfectly preserved corpse, so I know you're salivating already. Why, just look how excited the kiddies are!

"No, not the cold shoulder; I want a slice of the iron fist! Now quit Stalin and get me some Lenin-ade to wash it down with, or this joint won’t be getting any high Marx from me."

Of course the best part was saved for the VIPs:


Ah, a little jawbone with a scoop of ice cream on the side... [kissing fingertips] magnifique!


Ellie P., Whitney G., & Ann W., I think I'm going to need a Unicorn Chaser, stat.

- Related Wreckage: Any Occasion Will Do


UPDATE: Wow, thanks for all the entries in the dead Lenin caption contest, guys! The winning caption is a combination of what Taylor, Jenniffer, the Suttons, & Anne S. wrote. Oh, and my friend Abby came up with "slice of the iron fist."

And here are a few more that made me laugh:

"Lenin cake again?" - Ivory Girl

"I said I wanted a LEMON cake." - Judy

"Well, it’s better than cancer rat.” – Chris

"Crotch, please!" - BookTender
«Oldest   ‹Older   201 – 400 of 548   Newer›   Newest»
The Millers said...

The body cake reminds me of a Tom Petty video. Just can't remember which song it was...

Bitsy Baker said...

"Can I have a slice of trechea? Can I, can I, can I?"
Hehehehe....

Wv: suphi. Wow..someone obviously was trying to speak with a broken nose here...

Carrie Penny said...

"but mom he's putrified!"

"But it's oozing!"

"Do I have to eat it?!"

"I have never seen a cake look like that! Is it supposed to look like that?"

"it makes me StalinGLAD!"

"Is that bone?!"

Laura said...

"oh you got lucky! I wanted the armpit!!"

LI Laura said...

Can you imagine getting the lips and chin???? Bleagh!

Marissa said...

"When I die I want to be turned into a cake, too!"

Cal said...

"Why does Randy get the spleen? He always gets the spleen! I wanted the spleen! MOMMMMMMMM..."

Marissa said...

"Can we please have Kruschev next year?"

The Garbison family said...

"I want the drumstick! I want the drumstick!"

thomastte said...

I want the heart...I want the heart

Name: Danno Man said...

My caption:

"I think I saw his eye move. Are you sure that this is cake?"

Or

"I always wanted a piece of him!"

David said...

*yawn* "this cake isn't as good as Aunt Thelda's last year. At least I could ask for a gum-eyeball..."

AverageMom said...

"OMG!! HE BLINKED!"

Decadent Housewife said...

Lenin? LENIN? What were they celebrating?

abby said...

little girl: "Hey, quit Stalin and give me another piece!"

Anonymous said...

OOOHHH Can I pick my own piece??? Then I pick the nose.

debangel said...

I think the little girl is the great-granddaughter of the screaming guy in that Edward Munsch painting ;)

Miranda said...

Jesus said "eat of this bread, for it symbolizes my body"

Marie Antoinette said "Let them eat cake!"

Lenin said "Let them eat cake, for it IS my body!

Jen T. said...

"Eek! Mommy said that only happens in movies!"

Also, I think the glow sticks were an inspired move, but that might just be me being weird...

Miriam said...

Daddy, I want a piece with lots of icing- and a rose!

Katie Faye said...

So I sit down for my lunch break, take a big bite of turkey sandwich, and scroll down to see... rats and corpses in cake form. Thanks for ruining my appetite!

The Pea said...

I think she's saying " Sure, as long as there's no cream filling?"

jillkitty said...

I want the mustache!

LisaE. said...

"Ew, is that a worm coming out of his nose?"

JessicaT said...

I hear the eye is the BEST part!
-JessicaT

Paula said...

"Seriously? You gave Robby the carotid artery last time! This is just SO UNFAIR!"

heather said...

"Can I have a piece with a rose on it?"

WV:swonde...this website is swonderfully evil and delicious

Paula said...

Oh, and the "quit Stalin" entry....brilliant. :)

Kate Halleron said...

"I'll have the clavicle!"

Anonymous said...

daddy no! I said I wanted elbow...NOT shoulder! i HATE you!

Booktender said...

Oh my, so many things that child could be saying...

"Holy Kremlin! That's just offal!"

"Crotch please!"

"Thanks Dad! This is the best birthday party ever!"

"Does anybody smell formaldihyde?"

"Great suit, man..."

"Waiter deoderant: Fail! Fail! Fail!"

"What? No giblet gravy?"

"Did this happen to grandma when she went to heaven, too?"

"Great and Glorious Soviet Socialist Republic WIN!"

"I can't believe it's not corpse!"

"Cannibalism is fun!"

Dad: "We're commerating the Siege of Stalingrad. Grandma told me they had to result to very creative cookery for the glorious Union of Soviet Socialist Republic in those dark days of hunger and struggle."

"Down with the proletariat!"

LaurenH said...

"I want the nose piece! I don't care if James Lipton* already called dibs. Fine then, I get the cochlea."

(*see bald, bearded man behind her)

Bet said...

Girl: Please to give me blanket or pillow. I don't want to eat an old man's arm.

Her Father (glasses, beard, behind the server): Is Lenin! Our great leader! You vill eat the arm and like it!

(sorry for the Boris & Natasha accents - I'm a child of the 60s)

Kev said...

Whoever thought to make a Lenin/Han Solo mashup cake is a GENIUS

Kyle said...

"Mmmm...Socialicious!"

Amy C said...

"Moooommmmmmm!!!!......What are you doing???"

Angie said...

Little Girl: How come I have to eat the armpit?!

Dana said...

"Mmmmmm....Lenin! Nom...nom...nom...nom...nom...nom...."

neonfoxtongue said...

"In Communist Russia, cake wrecks you!"

Shayne said...

Any Eddie Izzard fans out there? Just goes to show that you don't have to choose between cake or death.

Jenifer said...

"I wanted a cake shaped like a horse, not John Lennon!"

Anonymous said...

Well....at least they aren't making me eat a Michael Jackson cake.

Anonymous said...

Look, Dada, there's a quote:

"Any COOK should be able to run the State...."

Sam said...

"I wanted shoulder, not some icky toe fungus!"

Anonymous said...

Well.......at least it isn't a Michael Jackson cake.

mio said...

"These pretzels are making me thirsty!"

Kyla said...

"Dead dictator cake? What a 'revolutionary' idea!"

RND said...

"Mommy,they're stabbing the sleeping guy!"

Meghan said...

"In Soviet Russia, cake wrecks you!"

Jules said...

I promise I'll be good! PLEASE don't turn me into cake!

Melissa (& Billy) said...

A cake for the 30th anniversary of 3 Mile Island? Might as well have one for Chernobyl. Very tacky. "Hey, thousands of people died a horrible death from leukemia! Let's have cake!"

Kim G. said...

Can I have a little more brachial artery filling on that?

Mess Maker said...

"but moooooooooom! i wanted chocolate! this cake tastes like Marxism and vodka!"

Katie-Jo said...

'Tastes like chicken!'

mrs. q. said...

"Yea! Dark meat."

That's just grooooooss.

Melinda said...

I am just glad they didn't use red velvet cake. Scary. I think the little girl is saying she doesn't want a chunk of shoulder, she wants the dudes nose.

mrs. q. said...

Oh, crap. Kyle wins.

Liz said...

I want a corner piece!

Anonymous said...

The last picture reminded me of Sacha Cohen in Sweeney Todd....
"I shava the beard."

Crunchy Sews said...

Don't give me the armpit! I don't waaaaant the armpit!

Liz said...

Oops that should have read...

I want a CORONER piece!
(not corner)

Janie said...

Janie said...with all those brains and heart...you probably had to have a courage just to eat it...as for the rat..think it was a red cake? YUCK

Alexandra said...

"I want the heart!"

Hannah the Fish said...

Well, Russia has a museum with a whole section dedicated to deformed babies in jars. The Lenin cake is pretty tame compared to that...

jengersnap said...

"I want the breast!"

Debbra said...

"Dibs on the funny bone"

There is sooooooo much wrong with this thing that words cannot describe.

Flemmily said...

"Mommy, when I die, can I be chocolate cake?"

~Flemmily

Bev said...

She is quaoting Willy Wonka in the new version Everything in this room is eatable even you, that is called cannibalism and is frowned on in most cultures. Well that is what I thought when i saw this!

Cassie said...

"Is that grape Kool-Aid on the other table? Mmmmmm"

jengersnap said...

Anyone else get a "Tom Petty / Alice in Wonderland" video vibe from eating a person lying in state cake? Shivers.

Katja Boumans said...

She´s thinking: ¨Oh, no...if thís is the cake-version, then whát did we have a the communist party last night?¨
Or, perhaps,
¨Hey, they´re giving me the cold shoulder!¨

Anonymous said...

"Daddy, does this mean that we are really, really poor? I mean, we're eating Lenin!"

Eloni said...

"Yes father... I am proud to remove Comrade Lenin's embalmed body from Red Square. He deserves a proper burial in mah BELLY!"

ummpumpkinseed said...

Ok, I didn't read all the posts I'll admit--but I'm voting for this caption:

The Kitchen Gadget Goddess said...

"No fair! I wanted the cold, dead spot where his heart was supposed to be!"

This made me laugh as I was attempting to eat a scone--bad combo.

And that Lenin cake has got to be one of the biggest stomach turners you've posted. And I was eating. :(

WV: comablim....What the Lenin cake looks like it's in...

Cyndi said...

"MOM! I wanted CHOCOLATE!!"

Anonymous said...

"Communism is morally, ethically, spiritually, physically positively, absolutely, undeniably and reliably dead. It is not only merely dead, it's really most sincerely dead."

"Good! Let's eat!"

Helga Hansen said...

"He'll not be giving me the cold shoulder again" :)

Maaike said...

She says: "You murderers, you killed him!"

beachbabies said...

ooooooooo, I want his heart! Why is it cold? Is this ice cream cake?

JErich-Oh's said...

You can't split the shoulder in half! I wanted the whole thing!

Plume said...

I wanted to say "Hey, I think it's still moving!" but two people wrote that already...

jedijson said...

There better not be real hair in that!

anna said...

Hey! I wanna piece of the moustache, mister!

Erin... said...

"Yeah, yeah. No amount of political freedom will satisfy the hungry masses, but a bigger slice than that freakin' sliver would help, Comrade!"

thehorizontalyoyo said...

Go for the jugular!

Anonymous said...

Girl:

"You know, my mom said chocolate was better pre-Peristroika!"

W. Reynolds
NYC

Holly said...

"My mom told me that I destroy my enemy when I make him my friend. I say that's Bolshevik! I destroy my enemy when I eat him limb for limb."

This cake must be from a future cannibals of the world rally?

WV: Inuroo. After hearing her daughter say that, her mom yelled, "get inuroo...." but stopped abruptly when her daughter shot daggers at her that indicated she might be the next destroyed enemy.

Julie said...

"DADDY! I wanted a Beatles themed party with a LENNON cake! Can't you get anything right?"

Anonymous said...

Look close....second girl on the left is coming back for seconds. eeekk.
That other poor child in the middle looks traumatized. I would be too!

Becky

Haiku Joy said...

Dearly Beloved,
We are gathered here today
to eat Cancer Rat.

Roxie said...

Little girl is saying "Cool, they included Maggots!"

Mindy said...

"I said left TESTICLE, not left ventricle!"

dswillis99 said...

For a communist dictator, he really is very sweet on the inside.

Roonie said...

For a communist dictator, he really is sweet on the inside.

PetalsYoga said...

"Next year, can I have a dead cancer rat instead of a dead russian cake?"

Kristen said...

Daaad, I wanted a piece of his chin!

Amy Dungan (Sparky's Girl) said...

She's saying

"I get the wishbone!!!"

Nichole Loves Cake - but not these said...

I think the little girl looks like she's about to throw up on the cake. I know I would.

justme said...

"Daddy... Daddy... why are you cutting that man's head open?"

I can SO see that kid doing her first animal dissection in school. "Teacher, why doesn't this frog taste like cake? Lenin did!"

luna said...

ew! i don't want any blood on mine!!

luna said...

(...and the tom petty song is "don't come around here no more")

Cassandra Gold said...

Is it wrong that I want to make a Soylent Green joke?

Lenin cake is made out of people!!!!!!!!! We've got to stop them somehow...

lol

Anonymous said...

Who knew an ear tasted like chicken.

Lookin4ws

D said...

"Eat up, fat capitalists. Soon you will be crushed beneath the iron boot of the proletariat!"

Linda Mooney said...

"Oh, look! It's all red and runny inside! Is that strawberry filling?"

Arby said...

"Yes! Armpit!"

ellarine23 said...

Ahhh, red velvet? I wanted German chocolate! Waaaah!

Taylor (My Older Brothers) said...

"Byyyye... Lenin!" (sung like 'By Mennen')

"Whether in cake-form or a mausoleum, Lenin's in things!"


Okay, I think I'm out of caption ideas now. That's fun though. Jen should do this more often.



myolderbrothers.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

"I think he's moving!"

:::b r a n d i::: said...

Little girl: "But I wanted a piece of ass!"

Karen said...

Shame, Comrade! Cake is the opiate of the masses . . . and it goes straight to my thighs.

sandsmcgregor said...

ugh the armpit, I hope it is shaved

sandsmcgregor said...

ugh the armpit, I hope it is shaved

poppy fields said...

Nose, I want the nose.

BigBlueJoe said...

No, I said give me the heart! I want the heart of Mother Russia!

Carolyn said...

MMmmmmmm RIBS!

Kerri said...

But *I* wanted the SPLEEEEEEEN!!!!

Betsy's Third said...

The girl is saying - "OOOOhhh can I have an eye! Please!"

Jennifer said...

"But Eddie Izzard said, Cake or Death? I don't want both."

Cheron said...

She's saying, "DO NOT WANT!"

or at least that's what I would be saying.

wv berrific: used to describe something terrifically bad. "The Dead Lenin Cake is berrific"

Zita said...

So I said, "But Mama, it's a dead person!" and Mama said "You'll eat some Lenin and you'll like it!" so now I have to eat the Father of Communism.

Monica B. said...

"Hey! Where are the glowsticks?"

Or perhaps the classic: "Where's the cream filling?"

VTOddball said...

Ewwwwwwww!!! I thought it was a cake!!!

Dawnspring said...

"When Daddy said we'd be having a celebrity over for dessert I was hoping he meant that Mariah Carey was gonna bring us ice cream cones"

redgoddess said...

NO! I want his heart!

Taelor Raye said...

The girl: "I call Daddy's left eyeball!"

p.s. i <3 cake wrecks =)

scb197 said...

hey that piece of arm is bigger than mine!

Matthew said...

"I've heard of eating your heart out, but this is ridiculous!"

"Wow! That looks just like my Uncle Murray! Gimme some chin!"

"It's amazing how they even captured his ever present 5 o'clock shadow."

Julie said...

"Hey Look! Uncle Bob's likeness is dead-on! Cool!"

Ian Woolatd said...

and the little girl said; "mmmmm revenge is sweet!"

Princess Talula said...

I said I wanted linens on the table at my party, not Lennin!

ros said...

She looks to me like she's yawning: 'Not another dead Socialist for dessert, Mom.'

Kristen said...

"I didn't know Lenin had a mustache!!!"

Princess Talula said...

I said I wanted linens on the table at my party, not Lenin!

Princess Talula said...

I'm more of a McCartney fan, myself.

Rosslyn said...

"STOP CUTTING THE CAKE! THAT'S THE ACTUAL CORPSE!"

Evalis said...

"Hey Mom?"
"Yes Dear?"
"Remember the priest with the bones from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom?"
"...yes?"
"Can i do that?"
"No, you are not sticking your hands into the cake."
"Aw, but Mooooom!!"
"No, there's no heart anyways"
"There might be."
"I said no."

(at this point, she gives up on Mom and asks the servers. I'll leave that conversation to your imagination)

LeAnna said...

Oh! It's just cake? I thought it was the real guy, never mind then!

Joel Polowin said...

"I thought that Mama said this guy was full of beetles an' wings!"

Teri said...

She looks like she's saying...."oh but DAAAADDYYYY!! I wanted Lenin's MOUSTACHE!! **Hrmph!**"

SarahW said...

I am imagining the most super-fun (and delicious) medical school ever.

Jared Crookston said...

How about one more:

"This cake is commulicious!"

Jared

Anonymous said...

WOAH Grandpa got turned into cake! I call part of the nose and a rose!

Shannon said...

As humorous as the wreck is, I'm getting a rather hearty kick out of the comment "I can't believe he used to play with Ringo!" left above.

I'm really rather hoping he was trying to be funny in his wrongly identified "Lenin/Lennon".

Veronica said...

"But I thought uncle Joe was dead?"
or
girl:"can I cut"
guy w/ knife: "sure kid"
girl:*stabbing* "and thats for stepping on my doll and for calling me princess" *etc*

Lynette said...

Suggested caption:

"Grandpa?!?!"

Anonymous said...

WHYYYYY is the Lenin cake LIFE SIZE? Isn't a cake of a dead body traumatizing enough without being the same size as the person? Also, how many people were at this event (whatever strange human-eating ritual it was...) to eat a human-sized cake?


The girl is clearly just yawning, she was much more impressed with the Stalin cake she ate last week.

Leserlee said...

"Daddy always said a new bike would cost me an arm and a leg. Well, with Lenin's arm I am halfway there. Hooray!"
Leslie S.

melanie said...

"he just winked at me! i promise!"

Dingo said...

"Better dead than eating a Red!"

"Mommy, this doesn't look as yummy as the cookies with Trotsky's ashes baked in!"

"You guys gave me a Lenin cake for my birthday last year, and it gave everybody the Trotsky's."

"Lenin, though a brilliant man, was unwise to hold a communistic revolution in Russia, as it was still under feudalism. Therefore, there wasn't the same alienation from the product or ability to experience the horrors of capitalism, which is why communism hasn't worked so far. With that said, GIMME THE PIECE WITH THE GOATEE OR I'LL SCREAM!!"

Glindie said...

"Ooo look! He's red on the inside too!"

"In Soviet Russia, cake cuts you!"

Sorry, couldn't resist.

Amy Linders said...

"PAPA!!?!?!"



Who makes a dead body cake! EWWWW!

Megan said...

The glow-sticks, the rat...WHY? On second thought, those should be combined to create a radioactive rat. You know, for when cancer research goes horribly wrong.

And for the girl, I think she's saying, "OMG, yall!"

Anonymous said...

i think she is saying

"if i can eat grampa, can i eat my brother too?"

Bell said...

Someone savoring their cake is saying, "He always did make the best cakes."

Alyce said...

OMG! The corpse cake made me so nauseous. Yuck!

Anonymous said...

Dibs on the eyeballs.

Carole said...

oh my cake it has a last name, it's L E N I N....

Cedar said...

As totally bizarre as that Lenin cake is, I have to admit it is extremely well made. And that doesn't even look like fondant!

TeratoMarty said...

I have never been moved to nausea by a cake before. I'm not a squeamish person. Lenin-cake, however, got me gagging at my desk. The Three Mile Island cake ain't helping; I had Chernobyl nightmares all last night, and this is NOT what I needed.

Congratulations on finding truly horrifying pastry.

Gladys said...

"I made you a dead Commie...but I eated it."

"Wow, this is WAY better than Misha's party! HER mommy only served dic-tator tots!"

"That's not a CUPCAKE Socialist, is it? (ptui!)"

wv: dedee. "In order to be considered for today's Cake Wrecks feature, you must be a dedee."

ashleyalvina said...

she said,

"I FREAKING LOVE CAKE!"

...who cares what shape it is?? Come on people!

Ladyb14 said...

First of all:
I've seen Lenin in his tomb, and that cake is very creepily accurate, pasty shiny skin and all...
Second of all:
"I'll take the shoulder this time, but when there's a Putin cake it's my turn to have the shiny bald head!"

Vickie said...

I think she's rethinking her decision to become a doctor!

Anonymous said...

Server guy: You are what you eat...

Little girl: But I don't want to be a communist!!!

Anonymous said...

Server guy: You are what you eat.

Little girl: But I don't want to be a communist!!!

tattooedcheese said...

She is saying "Oh no, dictator again!"

Anonymous said...

I want the heart! I want the heart!

Melissa said...

Mommy why are they cutting into our dead leader?

Cara said...

I vote for Judy's "Lemon Cake" comment as well, that's priceless.
Or, maybe it was a phone order! (what wreckorater was thinking)...lemon, lenin...whatever.

Brenna said...

"So that's what my innards look like.....huh."

Bryna said...

"I didn't know THAT'S where cake came from! Eeewww...."

GAMZu said...

Заполнение тапиоки взгляда Ohhh!

Translates to: Ohhh look tapioca filling!


This is the best caption yet! What happens when you neglect grammar and punctuation when entering text into a translation site.

You came up with "Filling of tapioca glancing." They could not translate the "Oh" because of the surplus of "hhhhh." (I won't even start with the fact that the "filling" is translated as filling in documents, not cake filling.)

Filling of tapioca glancing. Aw, yeah.

Ruth said...

Psst! The best meat's in the rump!
(Simpsons Quote)

Andrea said...

"How did Grandpa turn into a cake? OMG you want me to EAT him??!! NOOOOOO!!!"

Jerilyn said...

"Yum, This doesn't taste like just any old communist...did you use buttercream!?"

Anonymous said...

"that pansy-ass knife is not going to cut through bone, captain. MOVE."

Becca said...

"OMG they used red velvet!"

Scott said...

"This cake tastes surprisingly good for having been sitting in a glass coffin for the last 80 years."

Fluffy Cow said...

"Filing of tapioca glancing"

That makes me VERY happy.
That, and 375 comments...

Anonymous said...

She's reciting this poem:

There is a well known portrait/upon the classroom wall/it shows the face of Lenin/so dearly loved by all./ His eyes are kind and honest/with cleverness they burn./ He tells the Soviet children/ that we must learn and learn!

sarah said...

Oh no! Not the jugular!!!!

TLC said...

This reminds me of the "Star Trek: Next Generation" episode where Data gets into the holodeck with Freud. At the end of the show, Counselor Troi gives Data a cake of himself. Data wonders what Freud would think of that. Troi responds, "Relax, Data. . . .sometimes a cake is just a cake!"

In spite of that, I think Freud is rolling in his grave over this one. Ewwwww

Anonymous said...

What the little girl is "saying"? I don't think she's saying anything. I think she's drawing in a gasp of breath that's about to come out in an ear-piercing scream of pure horror.

Jasry said...

"He moved! I swear he moved!"

WV- talinarm: I want some more talinarm off that last cake, please.

punxxi said...

More chin, please!

Wendy said...

NOOOO....I don't want armpit!

Laura said...

"Lenin creme--my favorite"

Rachel said...

urgh, dead lenin mummy cake. It's bad enough to have a person-cake. It's another level of bad to have a dead-person-cake. It's another thing all together to have a dead-person-cake resembling said person's mummified corpse.

Debbie Culpepper said...

"Is this what the Bible means when it says, 'The jawbone of an ass?'"


Btw, I only recently discovered your blog. I spent like three hours reading and laughing. I facebooked it to everyone.

Wreck on.

Lindsay A. said...

"Is this cake fondant free?"
"Grandma's death cake was SO MUCH better"
"The neck bone's connected to the shoulder...they shoulder's connected to the arm bone..."
"Hey, wasn't it about a week ago we watched that movie together?"

Wow...that's all I have to say...

-Lindsay A.

benjanzen said...

"I love Lenin cake after a Chairman Mao pig roast!"

Phil said...

"No!! I told you I wanted his foot, not his shoulder!!"

Anonymous said...

Please, please, someone, do some research and find out the backstory on the Lenin cake!!!!!

Research question: WTF?

Place/date/occasion/consequences. . .

Angela said...

"NOOOO! Daddy, he's killing him! He's killing him!"

Tom said...

"Dibs on the spleen!"

"Lenin? I thought it was supposed to be Lennon."

Anonymous said...

"Don't eat me too!" *starts crying*

Mekoveya said...

Little Girl: "In Communist Russia- Lenin eats you!"

Steven said...

"I think he has a runny nose..."

Julie in Arlington said...

If you put the dead person cake with the bride cake it becomes that new movie sequel, "The Corpse Bridegroom". Beef cake (not) married to cheesecake. Have a heart, cat got your tongue, the terrible puns keep rolling in. Hey, I never thought to get a cake like that, but my oldest child was born the day 3 mile island blew and yes the glow sticks are an excellent touch.

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