Saturday, July 11, 2009

Early Detection is Key

Saturday, July 11, 2009

During these summer months, it's extra important to perform regular bakery checks. So just remember your ABCs, everyone:

A: Is the "design" awful?
B: Is the border ragged or irregular?
C: Is the color reminiscent of a contagious skin disease?


If you see anything suspicious, don't delay: photograph the offending specimen and submit it to a licensed professional* immediately.

*And by "licensed professional", I mean "the blogger who specializes in ridiculing ridiculous Wreckage". (Now say that three times fast...)

Eric P., thanks for this important reminder.


- Related Wreckage: How To Make Your Twins Hate You
avclayton said...

Is that... intentional? If it's mold, that's actually kind of neat.

Thassa said...

I had something that looked like that growing in my refrigerator one time.

Kat said...

What is it supposed to be?? It's like the airbrush threw up on the cake, and someone said "Someone'll still buy it. Put it on display!"

Haiku Joy said...

Lo, what skin ailment
plagues yonder big box sheet cake?
Call Dr. Rorschach!

Dedi said...

Some call the CSI's this cake has been murdered (and most brutally by the looks of it!)

LT said...

The murder scene/sanitary towel motif certainly is unique.

Morgan said...

Good lord, what on earth is that?

Lizzy Leigh said...

I, uh...what the heck is that supposed to be anyway? It looks like the decorator was high on some cheap crack to me. lol

~Liz

Clair said...

that is just foul. what is that?

Tauna said...

It totally looks like someone bled all over the cake, but they're selling it anyway. Way to go, bakery manager! Make money while the wreckerator is at the ER!P

Susan said...

omg! it looks like the baker cut themself over the cake ... ugggghhh... just totally lost my appetite!

Anonymous said...

That is SO disgusting. What was it supposed to be?!?

Pat said...

So I found myself staring at this cake expecting an image to appear.

TerraD said...

THAT was actually on a bakery shelf?!?!?!?!? That is horrible!

Holly Sarah said...

Wow..what is that cake supposed to be? I don't see anything recognizable! Oh wait..I think I see a bunny in there somewhere. Sort of in the middle but to the left a bit. Anyone else?? Is it an ink blot cake? I'm baffled and certainly wouldn't pay money for this!!

Kat79 said...

Finally a Dexter cake. I'm in love.

Vickie T. said...

I say Ink blot test to see how crazy wreck reporters are?

My boyfriend insist the top left corner was "Hi" written with one of those blowpens for kids..but they sneezed cause ink to to spray everywhere...

Nellie said...

what do you supposed that used to be and how old is it anyway? What do want to bet the fridge quit sometime in it's lifetime? Yuck!!

Jen said...

What on earth is that supposed to BE?

jess said...

Mmmmmmmmm, food posioning.

MamaMia said...

Did the "decorator" cut her hand? Wow.

Heather said...

Woooo Hoooo!! One of the first to comment!!

Looks like the bakers had a fight in the back and one had a nosebleed....on the cake....

eeewwwwww.............


~Heather~

Dave D-O-Double-G said...

It seems the baker has cut him/herself on one of those ragged icing edges and bled all over the cake.

Dozer and Coop said...

It is scary to think 1) someone might actually buy the cake and 2) someone might actually eat the cake. There is something seriously wrong with that cake that only the CDC will be able to determine!

Hoolyjulie said...

Maybe it's supposed to be an inkblot test....I see...a horse and buggy riding along the water with it's reflection below it. Easy peasy!
Julie

James said...

It looks a bit like a map to Pern or some other fantasy land.

Not that I'd eat it, even then. Looks sketchy.

wpb30635 said...

I bet I know what it is.

It's supposed to be a Rorschach test design. It's for Mental Illness Day

AnnieD said...

The label is crooked, too.

Half Assed Kitchen said...

I think this is missing some copper toppers.

Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com)

saaaaam said...

is it supposed to be Dexter themed, lol?

heresthediehl said...

did someone get shot in the bakery?

Tamlynn said...

I think I see the face of Jesus...

Sharon said...

Looks like someone said 'I don't give a damn anymore, I can't please anyone' and just dripped food coloring on it.

janet2buns said...

"Ahhh, excuse me, Mr. Bakery Manager? Someone appears to have bled on your cake."

Carol said...

Some Goth teenager is just going to pee themselves in excitement when they get that cake on their birthday.

Shirley said...

Its perfectly obvious what it is - now that everyone uses teabags the fortune tellers cannot read teacups, so you buy one of these cakes and the fortune teller reads your slice.

Alyssa said...

I hate to be a nitpicker, but I read this blog everyday and it's driving me crazy!

Jen, commas and periods always go inside the quotation marks.

Exclamation points and question marks go inside if they are a part of the quote, outside if they are a part of the entire sentence but not the quote.

I love your blog.

Cakelady72 said...

This looks like a photo of a melanoma. Once again, I'm amazed at what people will sell (and buy, presumably)

Yota Armai said...

I also saw the cake and immediately thought of my favorite blood spatter analyst by day, serial killer by night, and very sexy Dexter! It just needs some red string to show us the direction of the blows. "You must have been a mother at cats cradle" ~Bautista

I <3 Dexter!

Tricia T said...

I see half a skull and crossbones on the right side of the cake... not sure about the other half.

It is so like a Rorschach test!!

Decadent Housewife said...

Look at the artificial contaminants ingredients list slapped onto the lid - the stuff is leaking out, that's all.

bunnabee said...

On the label it says "1/4 sheet marble cake". Was this their attempt at marbling the icing? If so, it failed.

Dixie said...

In my brain, that's a Dexter cake, which makes me love it a little bit.

grimperspective said...

It was a calm day in the kitchen until Stacey saw Jeff's latest "design." It was more than she could take since it was part of a theme: he'd recently sent out a "Hapy Brithady" cake and a pile of poo he had called a "chocolate mountain." But no more.
"Hey, Jeff...your piping looks a bit off maybe you'd like some help?"
"No, Stacey. I'm Okay." Jeff said as he reached for some curling ribbon. And hen something snapped in Stacey and she grabbed a knife from the counter and started wildly swinging at Jeff.
"No more Wrecks! What's wrong with you?! Holes in fondant, misspellings, no perspective!!!"
Jeff's body fell to the floor like a sack of flour, the curling ribbon still clutched in his hand. Stacey looked at the mess, and then at the cake. It was splattered with Jeff's blood. She got a spatula so she could fix the cake but then she stopped. No, she thought, she wouldn't change a thing on it and she smiled as she readied it for the display case. This would be Jeff's last contribution to the world of cakes.

Michelle S. said...

I noticed the label says "1/4 sheet Marble Cake". Maybe it's the Wreckerator's attempt to create a marbleized look to the frosting as well? Whatever it is, it doesn't seem to be working that well. O.o

Little Luxuries said...

Two words: "arterial spray". Somebody needs to do a headcount of the bakery staff, pronto.

Amy said...

Ummm...?

~Amy B

MJ said...

It's a CSI cake! Judging from the blood spatter pattern I'd say the Wreckerator got it in the head...

Gah. Who would BUY that thing?

Megan
www.adventuresofacarnivore.com

Brian said...

That looks like the gauze I took off my leg after I skinned it up sliding into home playing kickball.

Barbara_in_WA said...

OK....besides it being a complete bloody mess.....if I squint my eyes I can see an angel holding a Christmas tree in the top left corner, a reindeer in the top right corner, and Santa's sleigh on the bottom.
But when I unsquint my eyes I see that someone bled all over the cake.
Gross....
**love the Dexter comments!**

Lucia Winter said...

"ahem, what should i put on this cake? oh no! there is mold in the refrigerator! i know what i'll do. i'll put the mold on this cake!"
that my friends, is what this wrecker was thinking.
~Lucia Winter

Tindy said...

It look likes a mentrual pad.

O_____________O

joyce said...

Grimperspective wins! Great story, Grim!

My husband thinks he sees a velociraptor

Debbi said...

I actually *snorted* out loud when I read grimperspective's story! I could see that happening! Best. Story.

darkladytaelyn said...

My guess here is a combo of two things. One is a starting idea that the grocery chain bakery I once worked for called a "tie dye" cake - food coloring dripped directly on the icing and using an empty airbrush to blow it into multi-colored patterns. Then, I'm going to say a late shifter gave up halfway through, spilled too much red, and/or then discovered the airbrushes were gone/out for maintenance, and just let it go hoping someone would buy the wreck before the supervisor came in and saw it.

Deray said...

I believe it is a test for a CSI team to check if they can perform DNA/HIV/HepB-C analysis out of blood on top of a cake. I'm sure they'll pass and have the results in 10 minutes using only a centrifuge ;)

Anonymous said...

Maybe the decorator is a big fan of Dexter. Looks like a stab wound splatter to me.

mimi said...

My four-year-old has cleared up the mystery. I asked what the cake was of, and she said, "It's red throw-up."

Helena Electra said...

Oh God, it's an original Watchmen cake! It's... Rorschach!

No, actually it's just a wreck. An epic wreck.

Amanda said...

Maybe there was a zombie attack and all of the wrecktators turned into zombies... like in Dawn of the Dead where the gun salesman guy just smears blood all over his markerboard as a message to the other people... Or maybe that's just me :)

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

I'm hoping that's a blood spatter cake. Quick, somebody call Dexter Morgan! :)

Morgan the Muse said...

What were they going for there? "Congratulations on your cancer!"

Anonymous said...

It reminds me of a pad. =X

Mama-Beans said...

Is that a Twilight cake?

Redd said...

I see the Starship Enterprise waging war on a couple of turtles. Really.

I kind of like the design, the color choice, though, is unfortunante.

Granted, I don't know what color would be better.

grimperspective made me laugh out loud, as did this post. Way to go, guys!

Tiffaney said...

Nothing says "Congratulations on Your Diagnosis" quite like that wreck.

Whitni Ann said...

It KIND OF looks like someone was trying to make the United States. Kind of. That was all I could come up with...
-W

Spygel said...

It looks like the scene in Watchmen right after (SPOILER ALERT) Rorschach was killed.

Meli said...

Yay, murder scene cake!

I honestly can't think of any other effect they could possibly be going for with that.

Though, it would be a fun theme to run with if you had the right crowd. Have the party at your local speakeasy, tell everyone to come armed and dressed like mobsters, and write somethihg like-
Farewell, Johnny "The Rat" Marcello!

-on the cake. ^_^

mlpieters said...

wha?

did the cake decorator slice an artery and bleed all over the cake?

Noelle said...

That would make a great zombie party cake, don't you think?

noricum said...

Ewwwww! It looks like the decorator had a nosebleed, and no kleenex!

Sean said...

Those bakers attended the tale of Sweeney Todd...heh

Manda said...

This cake should be for a thirteen year old girl....

but they forgot the inscription:

"Congrats on becoming a woman!"

Aleesuhn_Muhree said...

O_o My first impression was definitely mold . . . or period blood. Disgusting.

FelixAndAva said...

I have nothing to say about the cake that hasn't already been said, but I wanted to thank all the wonderful commenters for all the laughs that I really needed. (Nice to see so many other Dexter fans around, too.)

G.H. said...

Yuck. Who bled out on the cake.


http://confessions-of-a-waitress.blogspot.com/

Kelcey Olson Photography said...

Oh whoa, it looks like the decorator may have gotten a cut somehow and decided oxidized blood was a nice touch. How creative of them :]

Anonymous said...

There are less graphic ways to say "Congratulations on reaching menarche", you know.

Anonymous said...

C'est très appétissant !

Anonymous said...

Could it be red velvet cake crumbles that were too wet?

That's the only sane thing that makes sense to me...

Inventing Weddings said...

Am I missing something? Can't a girl just order a CSI cake for her CSI Club Party? I was specific when I ordered the bloody cake. I wanted it to look like an intentional homicide. This cake is beautiful!

LSUfan said...

There's nothing wrong with this cake - it's just upside-down.

*stands on head*

There. All better.

jackie31337 said...

Little Luxuries said Two words: "arterial spray". Somebody needs to do a headcount of the bakery staff, pronto.

Nah, it lacks directionality. Doesn't look like it simply dripped either, though. Cast off from a weapon maybe?

And really, WTF?! Whoever took this picture, please tell us the story behind this cake!

Erin said...

I don't understand... What is it suppose to be???

Rachel Leastlikely said...

it's for an American Psycho party. duh!

(that tasteful off-white color is a nice touch, but the border would probably not pass muster. Patrick Bateman would not only send it back, he would finish the job, if you know what I mean.)

Heather said...

You may find a tip of the baker's index finger in there, be warned.

Kate the Retail Girl said...

dude...when someone poops on your cake, it's not good. not good.

Natalie said...

Man, if the cake looks this bad, the body must look awful.

desibarbossa said...

Yay! Sweeney Todd! The latest fad in kids' birthday cakes. It should come with a little plastic barber's chair.

erb1 said...

For the first time in the two years that I have been visiting your blog, I saw a picture that made me scream aloud. lol

Matt B said...

Oh oh, I see a doe (stretch) in the figure at the top-right. She's jumping. Her tail also seems to be a little separate from her body.

girlrat said...

It's a "congrats on your first period" cake, obviously

Lizzy Leigh said...

I got it! Someone ordered a cake for a NCIS or CSI themed party! And then cancelled! And the baker decided "well, *someone will buy it!"

Or not.

Ingeborg said...

Guys, it's obviously a tribute to Michael Jackson! He/she was listening to "Blood on the Dance Floor" and figured it was a marvellous idea for a cake.

Anonymous said...

I think you're supposed to stare at it for 30 seconds and then stare at a blank wall to see the image.

Fiona, as typed by Dr. Liz said...

That looks like it should be bagged as evidence. Eeesh.

sendingtheclowns said...

Ingeborg said...
"Guys, it's obviously a tribute to Michael Jackson!"
*******************
I happen to see your point, here.
If you look really closely at the label, under the "3/4 SHEET" part, it does say, "MICHAEL J CAKE."
I didn't say it makes SENSE--I'm only pointing out a possiblility.
Of course, it *could* also be that there is an actual cake called the "Michael J Cake" for any number of other other reasons... Here's one: The famous impressionist artist Michael J Cake designed and copyrighted this image.
How simple was that?
(And don't EVEN tell me that you've never heard of this guy.)
>^--^<

Rusty and Bandit said...

Oh my gosh...is it only me or does that look like an unwrapped bloody bandage? Or one of the slides I examined for biology last year...gross.

Anna Marie

Bill said...

I'm sure many have tried to determine what this cake is all about by squinting. It's a cake for paleolithic anthropologists. It's a cave painting and the patterns, made of red ochre, depict prehistoric scenes of animals, hunters, and other ancient blog topics. ;)

Angie said...

Personally, in that gawdawful paint job that looks like a Rorschach test, I see a dog yakking fire... What does that say about me?

Sarah said...

Alyssa:

"commas and periods always go inside the quotation marks."

I hate to be a nitpicker too, but I really feel the need to clarify because many people don't know this:

This is not true if you learned your punctuation somewhere like Canada or possibly England. For example, something that bothered me when I moved to America, why put a period inside the quotations for the end of your sentence if it was not the original end to the quoted sentence? This like this can change the meaning in some cases. It also becomes technically troublesome if you're quoting something like a password, because you've just added something to it that shouldn't be there.


Also, I'm also really getting the sanitary pad motif from this. Not appetizing!

mariamousie1 said...

I don't want to gross anybody out, but I think it looks like a bloody menstrual pad. Eww.

Just Me,Pilgrim said...

That's not frosting... someone cut their finger and let it bleed on the cake...

No wait... maybe someone with a bloody nose sneezed...

Wow, the possibilities of bleedy ickiness are just endless.

Rayne said...

Is that blood!? I didn't really think there were sharp objects involved in icing a cake....hmmm...or did they just forget to stir IN the food coloring?



wv: crable-try the new family fun game CRABLE!

Michele said...

Is it possible that (in the spirit of the Twilight movies) that they were hoping for cake-loving vampires?

~* N *~ said...

Others have said it, but I've gotta reiterate, I think it looks like a "Welcome to Womanhood" cake.

One giant maxi pad with fresh blood. Quite appetizing.

Angie said...

Ummm.... WHAT?!?!?!?!?! There are literally no words for this cake.

Sara said...

Oh, at first sight, I thought for over a minut: "That is no cake!! Never ever!! It is this finnish cheese my mother likes so much!!"

Finnish cheese "Leipäjuusto"

Then I looked on the bigger sized image. And the "cheesecake" has a decoration with cream or what ever. So, maybe it is really a cake, which looks like "Leipäjuusto" or it is "Leipäjuusto" with decorating, which makes the whole case in both ways "eeeewwwww".

Shirley said...

Sorry Alyssa, commas and fullstops work the same way as exclamation marks and question marks. If its part of the sentence they go outside.

9258 Photo said...

That has to be the worst decorated cake ever!!!!

April said...

From the Holt Handbook (1986):
"Quotation marks belong outside the comma or period at the end of a quotation.
Quotation marks belong inside a semicolon or colon at the end of the quotation.
Quotation marks may be placed inside or outside a question mark, exclamation point, or dash at the end of the quotation depending on the sentences meaning."
Things may have changed since 1986, I'm not sure.
I think if the quotation ends the sentence and it is not the end of the quotation ellipsis could be used. But it may be better just to restructure the sentence so the quotation doesn't end the sentence.

@grimperspective - please consider writing a story for all cake wreck posts!

BevB said...

Baker's note to customer: "This IS exactly what you ordered, Mrs. Rorshach. I can see it. Can't you see it?" signed "Siggy, from the One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest Bakery."

Hyena Overlord said...

Wow, the Always commericial is catching on. Nothing say "Have a happy period", like a cake.

wv: commi...haven't heard that term is a while.

Jenny said...

Gross.

Suzie Q said...

Call the county health inspector! This has got to be some kind of violation!

Annette said...

what y'all can't see the horse and chariot and the strong arm man lifting weights?

Jumped right out at me
....

after the initial "ick" thought passed by me......

Anonymous said...

Was there a murder in this bakery? The DNA is on this cake!

Melissa (& Billy) said...

I am not going to post what I think it looks like. 0_o

What I WILL say is the 2nd thing that came to mind--a Rorschach inkblot!

Stephanie said...

I'm going to have to go with those who say that looks like blood. I have no idea what it was supposed to be or how it managed to get wrecked like that, but that is one heck of an epic wreck!

wv: shalli - Shalli call the CSIs to investigate this one?

Anonymous said...

This could be something much more horrifying, more scream inducing than a bloody cake.

...It could be the sign of another Stevie Famulari emerging.

The horror!! The HORROR!!

Anonymous said...

Maybe its another Harry Potter cake! From the movie (Name escapes me)where they look inside the tea cups and Harry Potter has the grim!

Stacy

Anonymous said...

Hmmm. It's a "Let's Celebrate Murder" cake.

govind said...

Good lord,

kristen said...

They were actually selling this???

Did airbrush dye get spilled on this? O__O

Anonymous said...

If this is a "Dexter" cake, I bet there are better examples out there. More but different, please...

beagle said...

Perhaps it was meant to be Rorschach from the Watchmen comic series?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rorschach_%28comics%29

Anonymous said...

This is what happens when you forget the primer

Lavia said...

Mrs. Lovett has a new business...

the LaFond's said...

"And what does this splatter look like to you?"
For the sake of sanity, we'll say it is supposed to be for a psychiatrist's birthday. :3

PosterChild42 said...

I think it's supposed to be blood spatter. Perhaps someone is a CSI fan...