Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Does This Cake Make Me Look Fat?

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Attn parents: the last photo in today's post is not appropriate for the little ones.

So you're making a Doritos-run to your local grocery store, and you see this:

And for some reason many of you are convinced by this chipped, yellowing, choking-hazard of a cake that photo cakes are a "grrrr-reat!" idea. So you run home, rifle through the blackmail folder, and order up gems like these:

And when you combine embarrassing candids with the "skill" of a seasoned Wreckerator, you can achieve a level of Wreckage never before imagined by the culinary world.


Your job: find the creepiest photo of the birthday girl possible - swirling light vortex and glowing red eyes a plus.

Wreckerator's job: place photo off-center and try to use up all this extra orange icing.

(the orange is on the bottom border)

Great job, team!

Or here's an idea:

Hand out little tubes of icing and invite guests to black out teeth, draw on mustaches, etc. That'll make the birthday girl feel special.

Here's an option for you creative types:

Photoshop: lending the honky some jammin' style since 1984.

Photo cakes are also a great way to remind friends what happened during their last black out:


Or why their new nickname is "the dragon":

Ah, cameras and alcohol: a match made in Cake Wrecks heaven.


Thanks to Mangycat, Bridgett, A Nony Mouse, Emma M., Rachel B., Julie C., and Kimberly E. Remember: what happens in Vegas, gets on Cake Wrecks!

- Related Wreckage: Breaking News: Head-Swelling Bakery Incident Goes Horribly Awry
frigglesnitz said...

Wow, it's like Alicia's face is coming out at you on that second cake. "In your face, partygoer!"

WV:semons ...uh, I'll leave that WV alone.

Taylor (My Older Brothers) said...

That last cake's icing says chocolate, but the picture says very vanilla.



myolderbrothers.blogspot.com



wv: chbong - the sound you make when you bang your head on a giant bell

Fluffy Cow said...

hee hee

Get drunk like Jordan...

This is why I hate cameras.

jeremyandgirls said...

Anyone else notice the re-occurance of the age 30? Great - is that what I have to look forward to?

Anonymous said...

Though not particularly well-executed, the Jamaican one is kind of funny.

Alice said...

That second one down- it stares into my soul.

Amanda said...

Really? If I ever get a cake with that bad of a photo on it (or heck, even a cake with my photo on it) I'm going to cry.

Although the rasta one probably has a funny story (I hope), it's still so wrong...

WV: foorted -- I laughed so hard, I almost foorted!

HorribleLicensePlates said...

Ewwww. I feel sorry for the person that gets the pee piece.

Anonymous said...

To me the most disturbing thing is found on the last cake.

Since when is 30 over the hill??

Dean J.

Anonymous said...

I want to know...since when is 30 "over the hill"?

Exit, Pursued by a Bear said...

"lending the honky some jammin' style"

This is SOOOOOOOOOOOO racist. I can't believe that you havent learned your lesson after the Zwarte Piete debacle! Don't you know that black people can NEVER be referenced without people shouting "Oh, gosh, I'm SO OFFENDED"?

Anonymous said...

This by far was the most hilarious post I have seen. OMG! The Dragon!!

Milton said...

When did 30 become over the hill? I thouguht that was 40?!?!?!

Tantra Flower said...

Every photo cake since toilet girl has had no effect on me whatsoever. Sorry.

Courtney said...

So who had to eat the piece of cake with Jordan's pee on it?

sorrysoselfish said...

i think the rasta-cake is amazing.

Kelly said...

Did Jordon wet his pants!? Ick!

Half Assed Kitchen said...

Oh my, what would these sadists do for a 50th?

Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com)

utaduta said...

all these cakes were awesome! but maybe its just because my friends would get me such cakes! ha!

Anonymous said...

See this is why I only drink twice a year--my birthday and on New Years. And since its only ONE glass, no worries of being sauced! XD

Roses said...

Re: the "wet crotch" slice on Jordan's cake...

"Mm! So moist!"

Alix said...

Got a little nervous over the last one until I realized that was just a dragon tongue.

Renee said...

Since when is 30 "Over the Hill"?

Revenge of the Carrots said...

I'm surprised the radish/burgundy carrots/wilting, asphyxiated flowers on Emma's cake never got a mention!

Caroline said...

Not to nag, but the :ahem: garment Craig is wearing is actually an alligator. Why do I know this? We sell these garments at work (online stores). We have elephants, penguins, and many more if you would like to humiliate someone.

Danny said...

After seeing that it is going to be a little easier to stay on my diet.

Amy said...

Love the last one! Woo. woo!
~Amy B.

Flartus said...

With friends like these, we'll all need enemas to wash ourselves clean of the wreckage.

Anonymous said...

I need to remember to thank my friends and family for not getting me one of these for my 30th surprise party.

And that reminds me...my friend's 30th is in August...

Hmmmmm.

Marji said...

It took me some time to figure out the red thingies on Emma's cake were probably rosebuds.

I sat there wondering WHY someone would decorate a birthday cake with red chili peppers.

These are masterfully horrible.

Oh, and at 56, I resent the implication that 30 is OLD. I LOVED my 30s.

Linda said...

WAIT. 30 is "over the hill"?!?!?!?!

Ms Avery said...

Is that Tony Blair with the photoshopped dreadlocks?

jengersnap said...

Well now, who wants a piece of the crotch?!?

Yeeeesh. Got any DMV photo cakes kicking around in storage Jen?

WV: hanyk. A good name for the alligator/dragon undies.

Anonymous said...

LOL, I ordered an edible image on a cake once. It was for my brother's birthday, and I found a pic of him from when he was 7 or 8, wearing an old bathing suit of mine he had found. No, he's not weird like that or anything. He thought he was being funny until we chased him down with the camera. He's never quite lived it down, and when he saw that on his 20th bday cake he got up and walked out.... yeah, I guess it wasn't as hilarious as the rest of us thought, LOL.

Luckily for him, the wreckorator had forgotten to peel the backing off of the image, so we simply lifted it off the top of the cake and got him to come back. :)

Yeah, good times.

-Jenn

Doireann said...

Imagine if you will having a local grocery store bakery manager for a mother.

This means only one thing: YOU ARE THE SUBJECT OF THE PHOTOS OF ALL THE PICTURES ON THE CAKES!

Like a pic that your mother BRIBED you to take with Figment while on vacation, Christmas, etc.

MY FRIENDS saw said pictures.

Oh yeah, and people wonder why I'm in therapy.

Stalker v1.5 said...

The pee one is TOO much! Fawesome!!

Aly said...

those are hilarious!!

Melissa (& Billy) said...

While these are all so much schadenfreude, all I have to say is AHAHAHAHAHA hilarious! XD

(though I do resent 30 being considered 'over the hill'! =P )

Jenny said...

Ohh dear.

Miranda said...

Wrecked cake: hopefully cheap.

Photo on cake of drunk dude weeing his pants: priceless!

(Dear drunk dude: Men can do kegels too. You really should.)

Miss Daphne said...

OK those were all to funny to me, I want to know who got the *moist bite* from Mr. Pee Pee Pants! I still have tears in my eyes from trying to not laugh out loud and have my daughters PCA think I am nuts!

Holly said...

It seriously looks like a 4th grader who is learning the difficult ways of cursive piped E mma's cake. Weird spacing intended. Why put Thai chiles on a cake?? Oh wait, those are rosebuds?? I take it back. A 2nd grader..and one without the prodigious skills of most 2nd graders.

Bead Up said...

Since when is "30" the new Over-The-Hill?

Little Lovables said...

I actually like the idea of allowing guests to sign and sabotage a wrecktacious photo of oneself... I'll have to take a mental note of that on my hubby's 30th b-day in 2 years.

Anonymous said...

If I had seen this post last week while visiting grandparents I would have swiped some photos to prevent any of these mishaps on my upcoming 30th b-day cake. And I'm now regretting sharing the Cake Wrecks link with family and friends...

plastiqueponi said...

I've always seen photo cakes as somewhat cannibalistic.... *shudder*

.anna. said...

i say.
those pictures are of things i would not exactly place in the 'things i want to be remembered by' category.
besides, who even thought that eating your own face would ever be a good idea?

[plus, the paper tastes yuck. but that's is completely beside the point.]



wv : panleoti - a kind of pasghetti, served with meat and applesauce.

Suzie Q said...

See, this is why I don't drink. I like to keep my wits about me so I can make fun of the drunks. XD

Re: the "wet crotch" slice on Jordan's cake...

"Mm! So moist!"

Win!

G.H. said...

mmmm. The dragon. YESSS!!

http://confessions-of-a-part-time-waitress.blogspot.com/

Quiggle said...

I recently found this blog. I LOVE it! Nothing could be better than sugar and humor!

Bitsy Baker said...

AAUGH!!! MY SEARED, BLEEDING EYES!!!!!!!! Someone PLASE erase that dragon pic! It burns!

Wv: pallycor....that sounds so wrong.."ooh, who got a pallycor from Amber?"

Pam said...

Gee, my sister's 50th birthday is coming up...you have given me all sorts of ideas!

Anonymous said...

Do these cakes make them look fat?
No, but they sure do make them look really stupid!
Love this site. It brightens every day! Thanks.

Anonymous said...

Is it just me or is that girl with the red eyes also holding a shotgun in that photo?

Classy.

Wolf said...

Since WHEN is 30 'over the hill'???? (The last cake)

Sheesh.

Anonymous said...

I had no idea I was getting so close to being over the hill. Heck, at 28 I thought I still had a ways to go. Now I realize I am cresting the hill as I type. *wipes tear*

These are funny in a "so glad it isn't me" kind of way, but would hate to be Mr. Pee at the party! I am guessing that the *wet* piece gets left behind....I sure hope so anyway.

Becky

Anonymous said...

These poor people. I'm glad no one has ever put my face on a cake!

I don't know about you guys, but these comment pages are hilarious. It's like a second helping of funny.

And I'm having a lot of fun reading all the blogs that the comment poster have. I really like My Older Brothers and Horrible License Plates. They're hilarious.

Anonymous said...

Let's be real: All of the photos in today's post are inappropriate for little ones. "Mommy, why has that grown man pissed his pants?"

archersangel said...

i have no word to describe those cakes. *shakes head*

Anonymous said...

well, I was going to say that I feel sorry for the person who has to eat the wet spot, but thanks to everyone else for reminding us all that 30 IS NOT OLD!!! silly youth they don't know anything! 30 isn't old...
-Ginny

thunder boy said...

those make me wonder who thought photo cakes were a good idea in the first place.. seriously, eating someone's face, that's just creepy.

Hannah said...

That last one is not a wreck. That is a WIN all around. ;)

But... on Emma's cake... are those chili peppers???

Anonymous said...

for some reason i really like the last cake...except for the picture

i wonder if it's just my weird tastes, but the little grim reaper on the last one, is, to me- ADORABLE!!

Nicole said...

the girl with the red eyes is actually holding a guitar, not a shotgun (but I like your style!)

Nicole said...

Actually, the girl with the red eyes is playing Guitar Hero, not holding a shotgun (but I like your style).

Peachkins said...

I'm also surprised that there was no mention of the chili peppers on Emma's cake. They are either peppers or poorly constructed strawberries. They look more like either of those things than they do rosebuds. Perhaps with all the other wreckiness around they were overlooked...

And 30 is NOT over the hill. I'd better not get that party until I'm at LEAST 40. Preferably 50.

Anonymous said...

Any idea what the random letters at the bottom of the dragon cake are all about?

Anyhoo...If I EVER walk into a birthday party and find a pic of myself on a cake, I'll immediately walk right back out. And if it's a super embarrassing one, I doubt I'll ever speak to the conspirators who ordered said cake again!

'Nuff said.

shopping monkey said...

I have a little problem with lack of punctuation on the last cake: "Dig in Craig." Intentional or not? "Dig in, Craig" would have been sort of a welcoming gesture for Craig himself. But as written, it is asking all of us to literally dig around IN Craig. I would rather not.

wv: schinge, German for schweaty

Gypsyfeet said...

pure excellence. I know what i'm ordering for my 30th.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the laugh. Have you heard about the American Cancer Society's more birthdays movement? To find out how you can help create a world where cancer never steals another year of anyone's life, visit morebirthdays.com.

Drew said...

Oh my god, the cake with the lady with the blacked out teeth, which reminds me of a crackhead
drug addict, is sooo hilarious!

Raina said...

LOL! I love your blog!

I really appreciate the warning to parents at the begining of this post; my son often enjoys looking at these with me, and thankfully I read that and decided to come back later. Thanks so much!

Lizzy B. said...

All of those just make me think of the "face cake" episode of Scrubs. And that makes me laugh.

Passion Fruit said...

Alicia's friends are mean.



wow.

Anonymous said...

For my college graduation party, my parents got me a photo cake with my cap and gown pic. Even though it was a perfectly fine picture, and there was nothing wrong with the transfer, it *still* felt weird having a cake with my face on it. Like their CCC cousins, I propose that ALL photocakes are wrecks.

Bree said...

The last cake is a wreck in picture only. Other than that, it's pretty well constructed.

Like everybody else here, I wondered what was on Emma's cake. I thought they were wilted strawberries! And the writing looks eerily 3D.

And no, 30 is not over the hill. I'm 33, and the nursing home ain't calling me yet!

~Alissa said...

"Hand out little tubes of icing and invite guests to black out teeth, draw on mustaches, etc."

That is a great idea!!! I'm totally doing that for my next birthday cake. Its like group grafitti without the cleanup.

LaurenF said...

My husband felt there should have been a warning just before the last picture was about to appear.

He apparently did not feel it was appropriate for him any more than for small children. :) (I, on the other hand, giggled like an idiot.)

iomoon said...

. . . the second to last one looks like my brother.

Cakedreamer said...

Oh wow...I just laughed until I cried. That was crazy. Thanks!

celestialcakes said...

I do hate photo cakes. They are hideous. And what's worse, is that the printers for those things are the most unreliable pieces of crap ever made.

Alison said...

That's funny that most of those were 30th birthday cakes! I just turned 30 two days ago. Good hell. At least I didn't have a cake wreck. :) Just a LOT of sake and sushi.

Elena said...

I think dear Alicia is staring out of that cake with evil in her eyes saying, "You picked THIS picture for my birthday cake? WHY?"

wv: spaun--Alicia would not be happy with her spaun and husband, who planned her party, when she discovered what they put on her cake.

Anonymous said...

i find it amusing that you can see the makings of very normalfamily-photo type photos at the top of craigs cake, but yet they chose the photo that they did...

Gary said...

Most of these photo cakes make people look green more than they make them look fat.

Haiku Joy said...

Celebrate blackouts:
Turn out the lights when serving
these embarassments.