Wednesday, July 15, 2009

"Baby" Showers

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Some cakes make you wonder what species of baby is being welcomed into the world:

"Extra, extra! Read all about it! Swamp Thing procreates!
Becomes spokesperson for cloth diapers!"


I think this is a monkey.

[German accent] "Wouldst you like to touch my monkey? Touch him! LOVE HIM!!"


And finally, we have our mutant flippered pig-child of perpetual worry:

Or maybe that's pain; it probably hurts to be skewered through the hand with a rose stem.


Kimberly L, Erin G., & Justin E., now is the time on Sprockets when we dance.


- Related Wreckage: Fetal Bites

Taylor (My Older Brothers) said...

What’s up with the second one’s bowtie? Did they realize they monkey’d it up and wanted to add some class?
And I think the words are in L33T speak. “IT’5 A B04?”



myolderbrothers.blogspot.com

Kelly said...

Maybe "Tristan" is the name of a new species, and a baby Tristan is on the way!

Brittany said...

honestly, after seeing these, i'd take a baby bump cake (sans boobs) any day!

bellefs1 said...

The "Monkey" cake looks a little like MAD's Alfred E. Neuman.

Bonnie

Rosa said...

Mutant flippered pig-child cake reminds me just a bit of the Montauk Monster...

And I think one of my brothers was born green.

Michelle S. said...

Good thing ET is phoning home first before they get a load of him in that kinky diaper-fetish drag costume.

CCC ftw. Can I get an amen?

Marji said...

Did people pay for these?

drgns4vr said...

Isn't there a form letter that can be sent to bakeries saying something to the effect of "DON'T DO THIS. The customer isn't always right."?
I'll take my cake unfrosted, please. (But I'll keep reading Cake Wrecks.)

WV mismoder It is a serious mismoder to decorate cakes like this.

Kath said...

And to think, I was planning on a cake more like Baby James' for a baby shower next month. Maybe the monkey would be better!

Cecile said...

Ya know, Swamp Thing IS an environmentalist.... being the spokesthing for cloth diapers makes perfect sense. I's still feel a little squicky about eating his baby, though....

me.yahoo.com/diopsideanddiamonds said...

The second one's not a monkey, that's just how a baby looks fresh out of the chute. It's preparation for the moment in dessert form.

verification: recel - attempting to still profit from a wreck by putting it out on the

Miranda said...

#1 is a baby frog, natch. It won't need diapers because it'll just stay in the water. (Yes, I know a baby frog is really a tadpole. work with me n stuff.)

#2 does NOT make me want to touch the monkey. Especially considering that it has had collagen lip injections, which I always find disturbing.

#3 is a little young to be wearing all that makeup. good lord.

VW: bledne
My eyes bledne when I saw the green baby.

lilmrsmchenry said...

I think the monkey one is actually kind of cute.

Lel said...

I can't decide which is more frightening -- Swamp Baby or the deformed baby (is that a CCC?)


Coincidentally, I have a baby shower to go to today. This does not bode well.

Monique in TX said...

That monkey (?) cake is just about the most disturbing thing I've seen on this site...

wv: doldedin The opposite of doled out. "Everyone doldedin their photos of horrible cakes to make sure Cakewrecks had plenty to post."

VintageSunshine said...

lol!! What were they thinking with the mutant baby! Oh dear....

knitorpurl said...

Wish there were pictures of the poor mother's reactions when presented with these cakes at their showers. Ugh.

Half Assed Kitchen said...

Mutant cakes probably still taste good. And that's about all I can say for those guys.

Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com)

Paula said...

Oh, good god, that last one! My eyes!

Jenny said...

Hahaha I LOVE your pop-culture references on here! (For all those lame people who haven't watched SNL, GET WITH IT) :)

Blondie said...

Haven't these people ever heard of nekkid mohawk baby carrot jockeys?? THAT is the perfect baby cake!

Come on, people!

Amanda said...

Well, maybe the first one was for a new frog baby? Froglet? Not sure, but it can't be a human baby...

The second one reminds me of that Bloodhound Gang video for Bad Touch - not something to associate with a newborn!

And the third - holy cow, I don't even know what to say. Is it a platypus?

Novice Writer Anonymous said...

Wow. I thought we'd seen it all when it came to baby cakes, but these are truly horrid. Oh my.


Novice Writer Anonymous


word verification: glytoc= Swamp Thing's first word to his new baby.

A Paperback Writer said...

Isn't the green one a muppet? Grover's second cousin, maybe?

faradayflux said...

Honestly, the first one sort of looks like a mutant Muppet... or a Sesame Street character with a skin problem.

Heather said...

The first one is obviously a Whammy-Swamp Monster love child!
http://whynottri.files.wordpress.com/2008/06/whammy.jpg

HorribleLicensePlates said...

That baby has HAND feet. Or one heavy frosting load in that diaper.

Anonymous said...

Wow, these make the baby bum cakes look like a great idea. Never thought I'd say this.

I'd also like to see the reactions of the mothers-to-be / new mothers. There must have been some good ones, especially with the hormones raging.

Deanna said...

oh my! That just made my day!!! Despite how well 'crafted' that monkey looks, BWAHHHHH!!! It's a little freekish!

p jane said...

Dear GOD those are heinous! (The "Sprockets" ref was great, tho'...)

Hope said...

Touch my monkey!

Melinda said...

Now is the time on Sprockets when we dance!

Good times! I am throwing a baby shower next month. I am doing cupcakes...it would be funnier if I had made that decision after seeing these wrecks.

Anonymous said...

OMG! What in the world would make someone look at a batch of cupcakes and say "I could totally make a baby out of that!"? Frightening!

Molly said...

I wonder if perhaps the monkey cake didn't start out as a monkey but once they added those giant freakin' ears they decided to go ahead and pipe on some fur...

Judy said...

The last baby's expression Jen...that's not perpetual worry...no...It's just gas :D

muddypebbles said...

That can't possibly be a monkey, it is Chaka from Land of the Lost ;)

I Love Baby Quilts! said...

Liebe meine abschminke!

Yota Armai said...

The last one is going to haunt my nightmares tonight. It reminds me of bad 80's horror movies. (Chuckie, Master of Puppets, etc)

Elizabeth said...

What, no mention of Elphaba from the musical Wicked for the green baby?

deckardcanine said...

The first one's diaper blends in with the background. Looks like the baby's legs are detached.

Decadent Housewife said...

Meconium icing - no thanks.

Anonymous said...

My baby! Someone save my baby!

Aunt of 14 said...

Dear God, those are truly frightening.

Evalis said...

That monkey... er sorry, - make that 'monkey'... looks like it has a Furby or two in its ancestry

jenncgf said...

Dieter quote for the win!!!!!!

Jenn

Anonymous said...

OMIGOD!! WHAT kind of mutant babies are people giving birth to these days??? Green diapered frog-babies? Bowtie monkey-babies? I don't even know what to call that last one -- "The Cupcake Cake Baby from Hell" maybe? Oh poor, poor Lily!!

Good grief!! And these cakes are supposed to be for celebrations?

Be afraid. Be VERY afraid!!

Sarah said...

The first one obviously didn't wait until after birth to expel his meconium... that's a serious medical problem, potentially harmful to the baby if he breathes it in.

Gross, dude.

Maybe it's because I'm almost due to have my own baby, that these cakes made me laugh out loud this morning! I just hope my sisters don't see these and get any ideas!

Passion Fruit said...

Wowie...um...gross.

The alien is somewhat cute. A little. As cute as an alien with a hovering diaper pin/diaper pin belly button accessory can be.

WV:dedeit - that last cake is a little dedeit.

Poogie said...

First a FotC reference and now a Dieter one!?

/gets on her hands and knees "We're not worthy! We're not worthy!"

Thank you for making me laugh every day!

Dorci said...

That last one must be the offspring of the pig man Kramer tried rescuing from the hospital.

Those baby reproductions are enough to scare the living daylights out of any childless woman attending the baby shower from ever having you-know-what again.

ajnabi said...

I'm scarred for life.

That is all.

The Pink Queen Albatross said...

That middle monkey cake scares me so much. I was very creeped out just looking at it.

Bonnie said...

Haha! I love it! I gave a baby shower last month and am attending one on Saturday...the cake for the shower I threw was just perfect, thank you! I can't wait to see the one on Saturday...today's post was a great warm-up!
~Bonnie B

Stevi said...

The cakes you feature on here never cease to amaze me. How can cakes really be that bad??!

Jennifer W. said...

EXTRA, EXTRA, READ ALL ABOUT IT-THE MISSING LINK FOUND! AND PUT IN CAKE FORM!! So funny!
Jen

The Stringham 4 said...

Oh good God! Those are horrible!

The Courteous Chihuahua said...

I just realized the last cake is for Lily which is my daughter's name. I must now think of some way to torment her with this.

Anonymous said...

OMG I didn't even know Miss Piggy was pregnant. Congratulations Piggy and Kermit!

Jenny said...

Did that first cake commemorate the birth of Salad Fingers?

alex awesome said...

I completely hate to say this, BUT, the second cake isn't unintentionally wrecky - it's a very good representation of the subject, which is without a doubt an old monkey doll. My Aunt still has her stuffed monkey doll from when she was little, and it looks just like that.

After writing that out, I don't think that makes it any better. I think that may just make the entire thing more terrifying.

darkrow said...

That last one's actually Booji Boy from Devo!

Stacie said...

Just a few weeks ago I ordered a baby shower cake. You can imagine my disgust when I received: Congratulations Liz and JP. Ugh. Spelled right, no weirdo baby CCC, just a cake made exactly to order.

What a disappointment.

WV: expano. How can you expano this??

Anonymous said...

Jen -

'You are beautiful and angular, and if you were a gas, you would be inert'

Shannon said...

That first cake....I remember the day we cut into it. That cake is the cake the decorator made for MY SISTER IN LAW and her new son Tristan for the baby shower. We all got a great kick out of it and me and the lady who sent you this picture both IMMEDIATELY thought of Cake Wrecks.

And thankfully, Tristan was not born green and is very much of the human species. ;-)

lasandri said...

that monkey is looking straight into my SOUL... freaky eyes! freaky eyes!

and swamp baby - well babies from the swamp need a warm welcome as well, so...

deformed ccc baby... uh, no words, sorry.

This Is Why You're PHAT said...

The monkey looks like one of those really hairy kids maury povitch pimps on his show once a year.

Melissa (& Billy) said...

Scary, scary monkey. *shudder*

Tristan's cake is cute--it looks like a green baby Grover! XD

The third one, all I can say is, "It a gril! (I think!)"

Nicky said...

Our class has decided here at tech school. The first must be a love child of Gonzo and Kermit gone wrong.

MalMal said...

No, no, it's not a Monkey! It's a Boy! It says so... right....there.... oh, nevermind.

And I'm angry at Jenny for making me think of Salad Fingers.... that's just not nice at all.

wv: halif. Halif I know what that first cake is about.

Catherine said...

The monkey cake looks like either 1) something from Planet of the Apes or 2) one of the characters from Space Chimps. Since the child is clearly too young to have developed and enthusiasm for either, I can't see any sane reason to do that.

Melissa said...

m'kay... the first one looks like one of the Muppets.

Scritzy said...

Why do I hear Peter Gabriel singing "Shock the Monkey" in my head right now?

;)

Vicki said...

That monkey cake scares me.

Kat said...

1) Welcome Baby Alien

2) It's a monkey!

3) Poor Lily.

Amy said...

Who makes these wrecks? The first one looks like a cake for Kermit the Frog's baby..

peaches1111_00 said...

At least with these cakes (unlike the pretty baby cakes), I won't feel guilty stabbing a baby with a knife.

Just Me,Pilgrim said...

what the hell are those things? These are for HUMAN baby showers, right?

Kiki B said...

Ha ha! Now is the time on Sprockets when we dance . . .

loved that . . . gotta love Mike Meyer's outfit in that skit too . . . :)

Hope said...

My five-year-old thought the first one was Grover. Maybe.....

Lucia said...

Wow!
I love baby shower cakes!
I have three little brothers. So I can see the need for a monkey cake! (snickering) ;o)
I love those boys!
~Lucia
P.S. I am pretty sure that none of my brothers were green at birth!

Shannon said...

Oh, and BTW, the first one was supposed to be a Baby FROG to go along with the theme for the Nursery.

Anna C. Morrison said...

Sprockets! Yes! The memories...LMBO!!!

Suzanne Dargie said...

YIKES!!!!

G.H. said...

The monkey is a tad cute, the others are just embarrassing.

http://confessions-of-a-waitress.blogspot.com/

Lisa Leggett said...

That monkey cake is gosh dang creepy! [shuddering] It's following me with it's eyes...

Jael said...

Ya know... I'm almost going to be disappointed if my baby shower cake is not a wreck.

That being said, I can't stop laughing over this post. The monkey... is... terrible.

Dawnspring said...

Um....BWHUH?!

Maybe the Monkey cake isn't really a monkey but the mom to be is a big fan of those Geico Cavemen? That's what I thought that was at first!

Sharon said...

Looking at the first cake, is it not obvious? The Grouch finally found love.

The monkey is disturbing. I trust this boy child was not born already sporting a beard?

Lily isn't too bad for a cupcake cake, but it does appear she is...what was those plush flesh colored dolls from the 80's.. Hugga Bunch. Yes, much like one of the Hugga Bunch dolls.

Rachael said...

Dear god, that last baby cake is scary. Why do people keep insisting they know how to properly make a cupcake cake? Is there even such a thing as a "good" ccc? I challenge the bakeries to make one, just one to prove it can be done.

Katie said...

Are the monkey cake facial features plastic or fondant? I honestly can't tell.

I think it's not a bad monkey cake, but it's a really bad baby shower cake.

Mandy said...

AAAAHHHH!!!

My eyes! My eyes!

WV: nessibli ~ those baby cakes are "nessibli" the creepiest babies I have EVER seen.

Dea said...

LMAO!!! Loving the Sprockets reference, I LOVE saying that line. "Liebe meine abshminkey!" (or however the German word for monkey is spelled...)

The monkey's facial parts are just SO wrong...

Chris said...

The monkey cake makes me wonder. I bet the parents had a really cute jungle themed nursery with Curious George type monkeys swinging from palm trees in mind or something... and then they saw this....

Charity Johnson said...

When I looked at the first cake I read "Welcome Baby Triton". And it made more sense that way.

Elizabeth said...

It's a cake only a Mother could love...maybe.

agirlinherkitchen.blogspot.com

iliea said...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhh!

sendingtheclowns said...

*shudder*

The first cake, with the inexplicable, goofy-happy-looking thing --(was it made of flattened Twizzlers?)--I have to say, it's kind of charming, really. But completely lame.
The horrid, ugly monkey looks stoned. And reeeaally stupid. I'm sure he couldn't care less HOW stupid he looks, but DAYAM. It's a lot of stupid.
Each one of these pitiful pastries should have stayed home sick today...if not forever.
Wait- NOT little Lily! I can't help it; she looks so utterly, hopelessly NEEDY that I want to snatch her up in my arms and run home with her and protect her from the big bad world!
Poor little mess...
=^,,^=

Mella said...

A frog , a monkey and Lily , I think I'll get a dog

Bree said...

I think the first cake is cute. But that's because the baby looks like a green Grover, and I love all things Muppets. The other two are just plain scary.

But it's cool Shannon came on and explained things! I think your SIL's decorator needed to look at some pics of real frogs first!

sendingtheclowns said...

Then, too:
Mr. "IT'S A BO4" is not *really* a cake, even....IS he?
I only ask because he looks suspiciously flat, and his right ear is flopping over onto the table...pretty sloppy manners, if ya ask MOI.
Ever heard the expression, "Ears off the table"?
Sheesh. Some people's monkey-headed children.

Julie said...

One word: CREEPY!!!

Anonymous said...

OMG! Frog baby cakes (actually a cute nickname) and that last one - EEEE GADS! The horrendous CCC strikes again!
The monkey is cute and well done and probably for a monkey themed shower...all in all, the best one going today!

peewee said...

OH! That last CCC made me fall over. That may be the best one is the history of ALL CCC wrecks! Can you do an wards show blog?

Darla said...

Maybe Karl Pilkington ordered the Tristan cake.

"You can be an ugly baby and everyone goes "awww innit nice?" There was some women in a cafe the other week that I was sat in, and she came up and she sat down with her mate and she was talkin' loudly goin' on about "oh the baby's lovely." They said it's got, er, lovely big eyes, er, really big hands and feet. Now that doesn't sound like a nice baby to me. I felt like sayin' it sounds like a frog.

http://pilkipedia.co.uk/wiki/index.php?title=Karl_Pilkington_Quotes_By_Topic

Trisha said...

I actually like the swamp baby cake!! It's nicely done on a green theme color... and beats eating a real-looking baby cake.
Congrats Shannon! and Tristan of course.

Julie in Arlington said...

Oh Jen, you should have put a warning on that pregnant women shouldn't look at today's entries. When I was pregnant with my first, I dreamed I gave birth to a frog, in the front seat of the car. Fortunately, I had a boy, not a frog, and we made it to the doctor's office, but not the hospital.

RamblingMommy said...

OMG. That is the scariest monkey I have ever seen. I now feel very guilty for calling my little man 'monkey' when he was born!

And that might be the worst CCC I've ever seen.

KritterBugg said...

Oh my gosh... Those were HORRIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

kermitsgrl said...

That monkey cake was for a baby with Werewolf Syndrome! (This comment is wrong in so many ways!)

sabri said...

I just LOVE this blog!!
It's amazing!
I can't deny that my fav section is what brides asked, and what they got.

Just keep up the amazing work!

Sabrina from Argentina

P.S: I didn't know that the black pastries with the bone on the head were called "Africancitos"... it was a whole surprise for me...maybe it was only in that bakery!!!

evil cake lady said...

the monkey....so scary

Ashley said...

That is the creepiest monkey I have ever seen.

twinklescrapbooks said...

The pain baby looks like it has a dirty diaper!

studiorose said...

My theory on that last cake is that it's supposed to represent the pregnant mother, not the baby. Check it out - she's wearing makeup and looks to be about seven months along. And she's concerned because the father ditched her six months ago.

Casey said...

HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA

FOXY said...

these are great!!!!

Anonymous said...

ET on the last one...
CC

megan said...

omg, that last one is so hideous it made me laugh.
then reading "mutant flippered pig-child" made me laugh even more.

how can you produce a cake like that and think it looks suitable for other people to see/purchase?

Candy said...

Monkey cake looks pretty cool

Glory von Hathor said...

Maybe Baby Tristan was a water birth and it's part of a froggy in-joke.

OR

Due to an unfortunate radioactive spillage near the maternity ward...

Elle said...

HAHAHAHA!! mutant flippered pig child! That's great!

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry, but ick. And not only does poor Lily have a rose-skewered hand, but she has some kind of hernia or tumor growing out of her little tummy.
Erin G.

Anonymous said...

What ever happened to baby booties and pastel flowers? "Hey, let's make a cake that is both difficult AND creepy!"

Laura said...

Good grief! Why can't cupcakes just be cupcakes and cakes be cakes - not cupcakecakes? How did this weird trend start, anyhow?

Rachel Leastlikely said...

horrid, horrid, horrid. those might be the worst, THE WORST, i've ever seen on this site. i feel like i'm going to cry.

Anonymous said...

I love the gremlin at the top. It reminds me of something (not ET) but I"m not sure what.

holly said...

The first one is a tarbaby.

#2 is the love child of Chuck Norris and Bonzo (look at the lips if you don't believe me!).

#3 is just a mutant.

Peachkins said...

That monkey is one of the creepiest things I've seen in a long time. It just kind of stares right into your soul....and there's just no excuse for the other cakes. I mean, what the heck?

celestialcakes said...

Goodness....each of those is it's own nightmare

Tristan's Mom said...

My son's name is Tristan, so I found that first cake particularly disturbing, lol. Although I do like the PP's idea about "Tristan" being an alien life force. I'll have to remember that! ;)

Devine Diva said...

the first one looks like Grover.

Tara said...

Ok, so I am the one who ordered and paid for (yes I said PAID FOR!) the last cake of the freaky Hugga Bunch baby. Let me explain...It was for a baby shower for a girl at work so I wanted a cupcake cake so we wouldnt have to worry with utensils, etc. When I went into the bakery to order it I didnt really like any of the designs and the girl behind the counter assured me that she could make a baby and actually said and I quote, "I am very good at designing cupcake cakes." I was actually imagining a profile of a baby crawling or something. You get my drift... You can imagine my reaction when I saw this freak of nature! I almost peed my pants laughing! The lady actually asked me how I liked it, which let me know right away that she actually thought it was a very nice cake! I felt so bad that I just said, "Yep, sure." and I went to pay. Yes, I did pay because I felt so bad that she thought she had done a good job and I didnt have the heart to tell her that it was quite possibly the worst looking cake I have ever seen in my life! The picture didnt come out very well because we used our crappy office camera but the outline of the baby was made with a runny chocolate sauce of some sort! The pink funeral flower also made a very nice touch. The best thing was that it actually made for a very fun baby shower! We laughed the whole time and got a picture of the parent's to be reactions when they saw the cake. Of course they knew something was up because none of us could keep a straight face. We threw a sheet over it and had an "unveiling of the cake" if you will. I still think it would make for a great episode of "The Office" which is my favorite show! Hilarious!

Morgan said...

Thank you so much for the obscure Mike Meyers "Sprockets" reference. It made my night!

Anonymous said...

I think the monkey is nicely done, hehe.

oklybb said...

Yikes! As long as the monkey is a monkey, ok. But really? The others are just terrifying. And I thought mine was strange (it said "Happy Labor Day" - and guess what - I went into premature labor that night!) but these are just scary.

aileen said...

I recently came accross your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I dont know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.


Susan

http://toddlergirls.net

Patrick said...

To Marji: Yes – as Tara said above, this was for our baby shower at my wife’s company, and they definitely paid for it. In the end, I think it was worth every penny as it kept everybody laughing for most of the 30-minute shower… :)


To knitorpurl: My wife’s coworkers actually did anticipate the moment, and had their camera ready. I think I still have the pic somewhere… :)


To studiorose: I like your theory… Maybe it was supposed to be my wife and not my beautiful baby girl. But, wait – my wife doesn’t look like that either, thank god! Oh, and also, we’ve been together for 15 years and counting, so nobody ditched out… :)

Haiku Joy said...

Lily, rosy thief,
looks back at security,
shifts the goods to side.