Thursday, May 21, 2009

To the Pain

Thursday, May 21, 2009

These cakes have been left to wallow in their freakish misery forever, but we viewers are the ones who really suffer for it.

For example, tell me you don't get a brain-ache from trying to comprehend...

The cycloptic smiley clover of despair!!
(Now with matching ladybug!)

And that popping noise can mean only one thing:

"Pool Party Patty" has some serious 'splainin' to do.

You know what every caramel cheesecake needs?

Pretty much anything but large poo-swirls topped with plastic mold-specked hot dogs and hamburgers, that's what. Although I'd be lying if I said I didn't like the little surfing 'dog on the left:

C'mon, a mini hot dog riding a poo wave? What's not to love?

And lastly, check out what Amy S. got for her rehearsal dinner when she requested a simple sheet cake with a logo on it:

I don't know what that is either, Amy, but I hear the chocolate coating helps it go down easier.


Moira & Stephanie E., these cakes are inconceivable.
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Alisa L said...

That last one - I know fondant is hard to work with but the least they could do was arrange it a little better than THAT.
I'd still eat it though.

Ruby Slippers said...

I'm days behind here, but I just wanted to say (as I'm sure many did before me) that I totally appreciate the Princess Bride refs. A+.

Little Scarf Girl said...

I was showing my little brother the last cake, and I told him that the client had requested a "sheet cake." He replied that it looked more like a "sh*t cake!" And I have to agree. o_o

Kelly said...

Were you watching Princess Bride when writing this? Because I saw it was on some cable channel the other night. Best. Movie. Ever!! (Periods and exclamations from the previous post's cakes.) Thanks for the great movie references.

nimcraft said...

Princess Bride themed blog entry? Made of 100% win. *bows down to worship*

sarah said...

i love the princess bride quotes!!!!

Melanie said...

I've always loved Cake Wrecks, but my love of Princess Bride is unmatched by any form of entertainment to date. There is a soft warm fuzzy feeling in my heart that the two have come together. Thank you.

Kris said...

Okay, the simple sheet cake is horrible, but Victory Junction Gang Camp is wonderful! My daughter went there for a week 2 summers ago, and our family was able to go for family weekend the following fall. I'm so excited to see their logo on a cake on your site. Please don't blame the camp! :) Hopefully people will google the camp and see what great things they are providing for children with special needs and their families. Incredible people. Deserved a much better cake than they got!

Jennifer said...

You were especially witty with this post, my sides are hurting. Always great but this one made my day! thanks

Anonymous said...

What's so wrong about the feuilles d'automne decoration? I mean, obviously they misunderstood sheet cake, but how is this cake a wreck? It looks great to me.

biracial said...

who doesn't love princess bride references. people who make these cakes confuse me.

fun fact: six fingered man does the voice of jack skellington of the nightmare before christmas.

Elkian Lionblood said...

XD Princess Bride+ Cake Wercks = WIN
Although 'Chocolate Abominations/Monstrosities' would be a good alternative.

They managed to make chocolate unappetizing >< and why can't she have gotten the sheet cake she ordered?!

Anna said...

Hey! I found the hot dog source!
http://www.yardsalebloodbath.com/2009/06/09/like-a-defaced-rolling-stone/

Okay, so not *quite* the same hot dogs, but there's someone out there with enough hot dogs to decorate... *does math*.... *shudders*

Anonymous said...

Surfing the hotdog, I think we got ourselves a new naughty innuendo.
:P

Darth Artemis said...

The ladybug ALSO has only one eye.

Danica said...

Is The cycloptic smiley clover of despair a CCC? That thing had me cracking up. Is that a turkey in the middle of that caramel cheesecake? Not that that would be surprising to that cake! Mawwiage is what bwings these cake togethew today!

Ray said...

oh man I love the Princess Bride quotes...grew up on that movie.

Anonymous said...

Poor Amy! I think they used the fondant to cover up something underneath...scary thought...please tell me Amy has called a different baker for the real event

Anonymous said...

Westley: Can you move? Are you alright?

Buttercup: You're alive, if you want, I can decorate a cake for you!

Westley: No thanks, I've seen your previous attempts...

Anonymous said...

The first one looks like two eyes smooshed together rather than a cyclops eye. But, it's still freaky!

My local NJ newspaper had an article about gifts for Mother's Day, and they had Jen's book listed. How awesome is that!

Courtney said...

Amy S., I think I have figured out where they went wrong...they took the "sheet" part literally. It looks like a brown bed sheet to me!

-Courtney Sanderson

Victor G.-H. said...

Anonymous - You're not the only one. I've often thought that Jen writes like Mike Rowe talks. :P But this one takes the cake, no pun intended.

On the cakes - I think I'm going to have nightmares of that cyclops-flower-smiley thing now. XD What's with that, now?

Cheesecake, especially chocolate cheesecake, should be left alone (unless the baker managed to crack it - as I have done in the past - then it might need a little touch up). It especially shouldn't have poo and hotdogs scattered all over it. That's just asking for trouble.

And the last one - I agree with the people that say it was misheard - my mother will occasionally say it that way when she thinks nobody's paying attention. XD

Anonymous said...

haha...I get it: the cake is supposed to be made out of a sheet...right?

Anonymous said...

And now, I must ramble in Princess Bride Geekdom:

It just so happens, that last cake is only MOSTLY dead.

There is a shortage of perfect cakes in the world...t'would be a pity to destroy these...

and...from the dungeon...just Sweet Westley's whimpering can be heard...

Adina P said...

Hmmm... A LEATHER sheet cake.

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