Saturday, May 2, 2009

Stick a Pick in It

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Some bakeries are using all-plastic character picks for their doll cakes, like so:

(Who else thinks there's a roll of TP under there? Anyone? Anyone?)

And while I applaud the move away from synthetic hair, which tends to get mired in the frosting and cause significant amounts of Jen-gagging, I also see that doll cakes are now degrading into nothing more than vaguely rounded lumps of cake with torso picks jammed into them. Check it out:

With that disk around her waist it looks like Cinderella is popping out of a manhole stuck in a blueberry. Granted, we can't blame the decorator there - after all, s/he didn't make the pick - but if we mosey over to the issue of the glaringly mismatched blues we can blame all we want; they'll make more. (Three words, hiring managers: "color vision testing".)


Or how about this one?

It looks like Dora the Explorer has just popped out of a giant organ and is proudly teaching us the Spanish phrase for "No thank you, I am allergic to purple brains". Which, while handy to know, isn't really something you'd want a visual with.


Jessy, Calla B., & Troy K., you may accuse me of skirting the issue, but that last Wreck really makes you think, doesn't it?


*Related Wreckage: Come On Barbie, Let's Go Party

mizzy N Naderiey said...

i remember the days when the only doll available for cakes were a barbie like dolls, these days there are varies plastic bits do dump in the cake and call it a princess cake.

i love your crazy critics and i am so addicted to this blog. i check you up whenever i am in front of a pc.

NetFreak said...

yes, i do think that 1st cake is stuck on top of TP.


Wreck on!

VeggieT said...

Actually that last one looks like...
A) Dora is popping out of a giant genetically altered boysenberry, and shouting "Bienvenido Berry!" or
B) Dora is returning to her home planet aboard a modified, modernized, and painted "Spaceship Earth" and she's shouting "No swiping los seres humanos"

ros said...

Surely you are supposed to put the doll in first and then ice around her, over the big plastic ring?

Pink said...

No wonder the bakeries do these cakes...you can see how little actual cake-decorating talent they require.

(Although more talent would indeed improve the appearance of these lame cake concepts.)

Lauren said...

I'm not a children's show enthusiast, but I AM pretty certain Dora the Explorer doesn't wear an enormous skirt.

That just wrecked my morning. :)

Anonymous said...

The Dora one really doesn't work not just because the "skirt" is impossibly round, but because Dora is not actually a princess. A real explorer would have no cause to wear a giant bulbous gown--real mobility issues though.

Side note--I did see a dress really similar to Dora's in China last summer. It was interesting.

Robert W. Leonard said...

I see what you mean! Wow, that seems to take away the whole point of the cake design to some degree. Hmmm...

My wife recently showed me your blog, loving it.

Jessi said...

In addition to the end of synthetic hair, let's take a moment to appreciate the fact that no one will ever feel compelled to cover two plastic molded breasts with icing. Which is creepy in the extreme. I did a princess cake for my daughter's birthday last year and used ribbon because I just couldn't stand to do the icing bit.

Amy Ruthanne said...

I'm with Ros on this - I would assume bakers are supposed to cover the base of the pick with icing. Then again, why should we expect as much, given all we've seen on this site! And of course, if they did things correctly, we wouldn't have this site! :)

HorribleLicensePlates said...

It's just creepy you would want to eat Dora's skirt, no?

Rosey Pollen said...

Love your cake wreck blog! I wish I would have saved pics from some of the disasters I have "created" in the past. ANyway, my aunt made me a barbie cake when I was 9 or so, it kicked butt over these atrocities. Yucky looking crap.
c.pollen

Purplewalls said...

If you find a beautifully, well-done, doll-pick cake could you please post a pic. I can see the posibilities in my mind...

Half Assed Kitchen said...

Purple brains! Ha!

Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com)

Amanda said...

Not a pro cake. My oldest sister did this (learned from our mother) for our niece's 4th birthday. It's classy. So you can make a good doll cake.

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/photo.php?pid=2491157&id=814388237

Samantha Suzuki Photography said...

My mother-in-law has that exact TP holder on the back of her powder room toilet...gotta get a pic next time I'm there. lol

jackie31337 said...

I realize this makes me sound like a horrible pedantic nerd who watches age-inappropriate television, but.... Dora did wear a fancy, frilly dress to her cousin Daisy's quinceañera party in one episode. However, I can tell you it didn't look much like that wreck.

*slinks back into the corner and hides*

Anonymous said...

My two year old loves those princess cakes. But she's two. =)

XOXO said...

Wait.
Does Dora even WEAR a dress?

I thought she was a shorts-and-tennis-shoes kind of gal.

Bridget Delaney said...

"No thank you, I'm allergic to purple brains."

No, gracias, soy alérgico a las cerebros moradas.

Also, people who said Dora doesn't wear a dress are correct. She wears a purple shirt and orange shorts: http://gosublogger.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/dora-the-explorer.jpg

Amy said...

The Cinderella popping out of a blueberry is hilarious.
~Amy B

BITTER OLD BITCH said...

*agrees with XOXO*

Yeah, since when does Dora ever wear skirts? O_o

And yes, I too was certain there was toilet paper under there. *giggle*

joyce said...

Uh,oh. This is going to be another day of folks not reading the comments. jackie has informed us that dora wore a dress to her cousin's quinceañera party and folks are still telling us that Dora wears shorts.

Would icing cover Barbie's tatoo?
Here is a picture: http://www.nykola.com/ and she links to the article.

Bilby P. Dalgyte said...

lol :P Dora the explorer explored where she shouldn't..

desibarbossa said...

*sigh*

I feel bad for little girls who get these cakes. At least with the traditional way, they'd have a doll to play with afterwards, right? Now they just have half of a princess corpse.

Anonymous said...

Joyce--

Another day? You mean, like every day with folks not reading the comments? :)

Pam said...

I never understood the whole doll cake thing anyway. They are all cake wrecks. Just weird.

Morgan said...

Does this remind anyone else of a STRIPPER popping out of a cake?

snarkygurl said...

To see what these cakes are supposed to look like, got to the site below and search for "petite princess"

http://www.cakes.com/search/index.cfm?fuseaction=cakes.search

And no, cake decorators at many grocery stores do not need to know how to decorate a cake. They just need to be willing to work for low pay and deal with rude customers.

miss kitten said...

back in the olden days, "doll cakes" were a barbie stuck in a cake that had been baked in an angelfood cake pan.

and the kids argued over who got to lick the legs clean. (what can we say, we were a bunch of heathens.)

these things? ick!

MJ said...

Is that thing on the Dora cake actually supposed to be her skirt? Why do we want darling Dora to be a genetically-mutated freak with insanely long legs?? Pity the toddler who gets that monstrosity!

Megan @ adventuresofacarnivore.com

Laurel said...

OMG- I have strep throat and it was horrifyingly painful to laugh but soooooooooooooo worth it! YOU KILL ME!!! Keep it going girlie!

Bridgete said...

Yes, I do picture a roll of TP under that first cake. My grandma had tons of those TP covers.

ComfyDenim said...

Dora wore a dress in one fairy tale special... but still... wonder what the spanish word for "I'm being sucked into purple goo" would be.

Jen you made me LOL.
Thanks!!!

Jamie said...

Dora wears various dresses in some of the themed showes and has been dressed up as a princess atleast twice. (Fairy tale adventure and snow princess).

However the design I'm guessing they were trying to mimic would be from "Dance to the Rescue."
http://shop.nickjr.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3122383&cp=1029107.1309371&page=4&pageBucket=0&parentPage=family

My daughter has the dancing Dora doll that was designed off the ep.

L. R. Jonté said...

"...synthetic hair, which tends to get mired in the frosting and cause significant amounts of Jen-gagging..."Gods, I thought that was just me! I hate, hate, HATE doll cakes for that very reason!

Blargh!

heather said...

OK, here is my half-full attempt at being kind today. At least those huge hips and butts are not selling the slinky, size 0 body images to our young, impressionable daughters. I once saw my SIL in a bathing suit and I swear she had a body like that. Normal from the waist up and then...Shazaam...big enough for two women. There was no bathing suit skirt able to cover that unless is was one of those bathing burkas the Saudi women wear. Oh, I guess there goes my attempt at being nice.

Jodi said...

I made one of those once lol i am ashamed lol

Buffy said...

As an avowed Dora-the-Explorer-hater, I move that Jen dedicate a day to nothing but Dora wrecks. Anyone?

And yes, I do have children. And I still hate Dora.

Zhoen said...

My mother made me such a cake when I was eight. A small doll in the middle of a cake made in a bundt pan, the cake a hoop skirt. Over-iced and yellow/pink, it still beats these "pros". Wow.

Michelle S. said...

Doll cakes are one step up from from those nylon-yarn-crocheted doll toilet paper cozies my Aunt Peggy used to make.

Me said...

Wait.... I thought Dora wore pants or shorts?


These cakes are scary!

sendingtheclowns said...

The look on Cinderella's face is priceless!
It looks as if she is staring the creator right in the eyes and saying, "Hey--you DID say I'm getting a REALLY LOT of money to do this...DIDN'T you?? I mean, like, I'm rillyrilly counting on it 'cuz I'm getting all sticky-like, an' I can't , like, move my LEGS or anything...an' I'm ON a DIET and all...y'know?"

MistyGirl_2008 said...

These are really not attractive! I'm planning on making a princess cake for my daughter in 2 weeks and this is a good reminder of what not to do :)

Julie from
Kids Birthday Cakes

Susan said...

If that's not a roll of tp it's a whittled down angelfood. But I'm betting it's tp too.

All the Dora cake conjures for me is a bunch of little girls chowing down and then gleefully showing off their now purple teeth.

No, gracias, soy alérgico a la púrpura cerebros!

meandtheblueskies.com said...

You're blog is the best. I love all the crazy cakes you feature. I stopped by to tell you that You're Appreciated over at my blog. Come on by and check out the post.

Nicole said...

Ugh. We used to have to make those where I work and they were a pain to make and always turned out ugly.

Kate said...

i applaud you Jen, for know who Dora is. Afterall, I don't think she associates w/ the Klingons or the Jedi or anything(I probably spelled that wrong) :o)

Jenna said...

I think the main problem 'ere is that most grocery stores can't afford to hire decorators who actually know how to decorate, because that's a skill and deserves decent pay. So they hire teenagers who don't look TOO cracked-out.

But imagine what monstrosities we'd find if those picks were outlawed and grocery store bakers/decorators had to make princess cakes from scratch? Arrrrrrgh.

(By the way,a shout-out to the Hannaford near my Grandma's house - they actually do an OK cake).

mizzyN said...

i agree with miss kitten.

these doll cakes look like a lazy person's creation.

mickie said...

No gracias! Soy alergica a los cerebros morados!

Funny because where I live it's the other way around, she speaks Spanish and teaches the kids English, so when I read the post I was like: why would she say that in Spanish?

:)

Hyena Overlord said...

*sigh* I miss crocheted barbie toilet paper holders.

And I think we are doing the female population a disservice with the picks. A girl should have to watch the legs being ripped off a faux barbie so the cake can be made. Such things prepare a girl for all the ups and downs of life.

wv...pairea...there's a pairea of legs over there.

melanie said...

my mother-in-law bought one of those top cakes for my daughter in tennessee and then drove with it in the car to get to chicago. by the time she got here, sleeping beauty had a definite list. when we pulled off the plastic cover, she lost half her tp, er, dress. not my favorite cake for her...

DangGina said...

The Cinderella cake looks like a badly-done photoshop job. Honestly.

I also feel jipped over yesterday's post...re-posting the horse thing? Really? I mean, it was funny/disturbing/whathaveyou the first time, but that was like less than a month ago.

Here's to moving on...

miss_penguin_93 said...

wow....that's just wrong. How could anyone want to buy those for their children?
And yep, definately tp under that first cake. what a lovely birthday surprise for that poor child...not.

Lynn said...

Ok so am I the only one that think the barbie cakes aren't bad?? A friend of mine made one by making the cake and then sticking the entire barbie in it, up to her waist, legs and all. Her daughter loved it!! She got to eat cake AND have a toy to play with.

and as far as Dora, well she looks like she's coming out of a purple mountain, not wearing a dress!

Trish said...

There's no way I could eat the purple atrocity know as Dora's dress. Consuming anything THAT purple should be illegal!

lisa said...

lol, we got the barbie one for our daughter's first birthday smash cake, it was the perfect size. this is a great example of when the execution of the idea can give extremely different results. our baby's cake was very cute... evenly frosted and nicely piped skirt... i loved it! some people just dont belong working in the bakery. maybe they would be better at spraying the vegetables or something?

beckless said...

The very first cake we bought at Walmart for my friend's 20 birthday. We though it would be amusing to give HIM a princess party. :-)

un-bride said...

There is absolutely TP under that skirt! Yay, Grandma!

Erin said...

The doll cakes are actually pretty cute when the decorator is good... But they have soooooo much icing on them. (i work at safeway and they make them there)

Anonymous said...

I saw both the Barbie and Dora cakes at my local chain grocery store today. Yuck!

Haiku Joy said...

?Alergica? !Si!
Los cerebros purpuras
Son TAN purpuras!

wv: phinglai. I'm not sure exactly where I left my keys, but I phinglai are over there.

stormcloud said...

Ya know, those doll cakes might be worth something if the recipient . . . you know . . . got a doll out of it, like other people mention. I mean, pulling half a lady out of a cake? Now, that's a whole other scare factor!!! And the skirts are so ugly . . .

I also agree with the person who mentioned the ickiness of eating a skirt . . .

Either way, this post was hilarious!

Cakey Goodness said...

Agh! I saw the Dora cake in the local store, but I didn't have my camera. I think they are missing the point of the 'princess cakes' Maybe Uhura will get one too!

PS I now have the "Barbie" song in my head, to torment me for a few more weeks.

Miranda said...

Whaaat, you don't like icing the boobies? I do! I pile up icing to make them way bigger!

Yeah, I'm a pervert, but my cakes are pretty good!

Emily said...

My friend made me a fantastic drag queen barbie cake like that for my birthday a couple of years ago. I loved it!

Anonymous said...

Poor Dora, here is the correct sentence in spanish:

No gracias, soy alérgica a los cerebros morados

Damon said...

Dunno if anyone said this yet but "Lo sciento, Soy alérgico a los cerebros morados."

Her Royal Highness said...

*DIES* I started laughing so hard at the "No, thank you" part that not only did I spit apple juice out of my nose, I scared the cat, too (causing her to tip the rest of the glass out of my hand)!

"No gracias, yo son alérgico a los cerebros púrpuras!"

sommer said...

It would be so very awesome to make the opposite of these cakes, laws of physics aside, a giant blob of cake and icing atop a pair of legs would be quite a cake!

Reba S.

Anonymous said...

For people who read this far: i have a 3 year old sister who LOVES dora and i've seen tons of ads for dance to the rescue and as far as i know it is the 2nd time she wares a dress and the only time she wares the dress sort of like on the 3rd cake, but it is pretty ugly.

Anonymous said...

"Uh,oh. This is going to be another day of folks not reading the comments. jackie has informed us that dora wore a dress to her cousin's quinceañera party and folks are still telling us that Dora wears shorts."

Er, I didn't realise the coments posted instantly. I thought it was possible to post before the last comment was veiwable.

Mabye my computer is just special.

Jennifer T. said...

You kill me. Seriously. "No thank you, I am allergic to purple brains." These pictures make me want to become a baker and create my own giant purple Dora brains...or not.