Monday, March 16, 2009

Rockin' Shams

Monday, March 16, 2009

Every holiday I'm forced to wonder: must we anthropomorphize everything?

The answer of course is yes - yes we must. Thanks for clearing that up, Becky F.

Not only is this next incredibly hulking blob supposed to be a shamrock, it's also got quite an infestation going on:

[sucking air through teeth] Hoo boy! Christy M., I'm not gonna lie to you: this is bad. Bad bad bad.

[hitching britches up] Now, what we've gotta do here is get them there lil' buggers out before they start "compromising" your "substructure", you follow? 'Cuz once THAT happens, well.. [shaking head mournfully] Let's just say it's "bye bye birdie". Now, fortunately for you, I just so happen to have a special runnin' this week... [hurrying out to fetch calculator from Hummer]



Aaand the "Worst Attempt at a Shamrock" goes to... [opening envelope]


Alison H.'s "Alien Arms Squashing Lice"!!

[announcer voice] "This is Alison H.'s first win in the Sham category. Her previous nominations include 'Dog Paws on Poo', 'Head's Up! It's Edible!' and the critically acclaimed 'Santa's Sticky Surprise'."

Wow, these St. Patrick's Day cakes are driving me a bit buggy. How 'bout you guys?

Becky said...

The shamrocks on the first cake look stoned out of their minds (if they have minds, that is).

Anonymous said...

That last one could be a believable minimalist "Magical Broccoli Forest".

Why do I keep making excuses for them? There is no excuse for that cake. I must have some kind of Cakewrecks Stockholm Syndrome or something.

Leslie said...

You know it's going to be a weird day when it starts with the phrase, "Santa's Sticky Surprise"...thanks for that image Jen.

As for the shamrocks I was thinking it looked like moldy chicken feet myself, but I guess I can go with Alien Arms.

Nathan Crook said...

I especially like the bleary-beer-eyed look on the three bar-crawlin' anthropomorphized shamrocks.

NC

Ann Onimous said...

At least the first one is cute. The other two look like the "artist" had a little too much Jack Daniels before picking up the icing tube.

Sarah, The New Girl said...

hahahahahahahahaha... oh, poor shamrocks. at least they didn't try to do leprechauns, who knows what we'd be looking at...

Penelope said...

Please, please tell me that's coconut sprinkles on the sham-blob!!

KritterBugg said...

First of all, I just have to say that the shamrocks on the first one look like they are high on something... Or drank too much green beer??! The second and third "cakes" are just plain SCARY!!!

DK

Maire said...

eeewww what the heck is on that horrible ccc???? my throat sort of constricted at the thought of it...

thanks for convincing me not to make a shamrock cake for tomorrow.


eeeeewwww

tsemed-chemed said...

Okay, 1) do people not realize that dark-colored sprinkles around the edge of cake just make it look like a mouse came along and finished decorating it? 2)CCC clover-attempts are bad enough, did the wreckorator of #3 really have to make cloverleafs look like they are CCC clovers? 3) What on Earth have those anthropomorphized clovers been smokin'?

Steve said...

Geez, I thought the first one had happy little elephants on it!

Leah E. said...

that last one looks like cactus

ChefSara said...

is it just me, or do the "shamrocks" on that first cake look like frogs that are about to blow chunks?

Kathy said...

Speaking as a biologist, the last one looks like little hydras.

It's not a wreck, it's a realistic portrayal of aquatic life!

Chelle said...

it really is amazing just how many bad St Patrick's day cakes there are out there....I'm almost afraid to go in the bakery department!

ncsudancelover said...

The last one looks like something we would have had to celebrate the last day of zoology lab...they look like Hydra (related to the jellyfish) feasting on little water bugs.

I Love Baby Quilts! said...

I guess the care needed to anthropomorphize the shamrocks on the first one distracted the decorator from the apostrophe on "Patrick's"!

Viewtiful_Justin said...

That second cake is horrifying! What's with those "sprinkles"?

Ick.

Half Assed Kitchen said...

The last one looks like Simpson palm trees. Or something.

Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com)

Aurora said...

Oh... ew... maybe that's just a really unfortunate sprinkles disaster on the second cake, but from that vantage point it looks really, really icky. Larvae creepy. I'm having a hard time wiping the repulsion off my face. Just... ew.

danifae said...

So what have we learned? That, way too many people aparently skipped kindergarten the day that they made constuction paper shamrocks based on simple heart shapes.

Anonymous said...

I can see the work area scene...the person holding the container with sprinkles sneezes. Sprinkles jump out of the container in a blob (or worse, are blown out of the container by the force of the sneeze--hence the stragglers further out....) Decorator sees the blunder, tilts his/her head for a second point of view, admires the random placement of the escaped sprinkles, wipes their nose, moves this cake aside and thinks to himself/herself "one cake down, 19 more to go....."

MzHartz said...

Those first shamrocks are going to haunt my dreams...

Amy said...

Don't they have something they could use to help them with shamrocks? Like...cookie cutter? Chalk outlines?
~Amy B

homeschool mamma said...

Are those maggots on the second cake? And what's with the little green blobs beside it?
Bev

FreedomFirst said...

AAAHHHH!! I've never seen shamrocks look SCARY before. The first one was just silly, but not too bad. Those last two, though..... Yikes.

lish said...

I sure hope "Santa's Sticky Surprise" is chocolate-chip-cookies-and-milk related.

very married said...

haha! i literally had to turn my head to figure out how The Hulk was supposed to resemble a shamrock.

Dani said...

Those top ones look like frogs and the bottom ones look like brocoli. The middle one doesn't look like anything but a blob.

Sharon said...

What's behind door #3?

It's a cake decorated with broccoli!

Not real broccoli. Broccoli made from icing. Maybe not even real icing broccoli, but broccoflower cauliflower, broccoli cross made of icing.

Either way if asked if you've had your vegetables today, you can say 'yes!'

Donna said...

Wow..those are bad!

#1 looks like Irish sperm

#2 looks like Irish germ

#3 looks like #1 met #2

Sharon said...

Taking another look at the "incredibly hulking blob" CCC...

I think that bakery person should redirect her/his energy into creating cactus cupcake cakes. Get rid of the stem, add some lil dots for places the spines grow, and some oblong red shapes for the fruit, and you'd almost have a prickly pear cake.

Almost.

My Big Fat Super Super Obese Blog said...

Once again, thanks for making cake not the least bit tempting in my time of need.

Anonymous said...

First one looks like shamrock sperm.

Rob W. said...

First one looks like shamrocks that are attempting to swim upstream to reproduce. And I don't mean salmon. Think the opening of "Look Who's Talking."

Rob


wv: cripier. "Aye, faith and begorah, dese Irish cake wrecks are gettin' cripier and cripier all de time."

Fluffy Cow said...

hee hee...
the.. last... *gasp*

one! hee hee hee

kara said...

shamrocks, broccoli... same thing.

DangGina said...

I've never wanted to destroy cakes so bad in my life. Just throw 'em at a wall or something. Ack...

Truly Hideous Gifts said...

Yuck! I wish I hadn't read this while eating my sandwich! :p

Heidi 'n' Jeff said...

A spore CCC. It bleh.

Brian, Jamie, Molly & Sarah said...

Funny!!! My 3 year old walked in about the time I clicked on the first picture and she said, wow, look at those cute frogs.

Mike Connor said...

The last cake looks as if broccoli mated with Kokopelli.

Anonymous said...

I'm off to look up "anthropomorphize" now.

MalMal said...

I think the wreakerators were counting on the possibility that people would be too drunk on St Patty's Day to notice silly things like shapes and proportions.... I mean, maybe with Beer Goggles on, they look *right.*

That doesn't explain the maggots, though...

Kristen said...

My husband thought that shamrocks on the first cake were the snakes that St. Patrick had driven out of Ireland.

drgns4vr said...

I have looked on this blog three times today and that second picture still has the Blob from the Emerald City on it.
Where do they get that vile green icing? That's a rhetorical question; I don't really want to know.

WV: bingui=I laughed so hard I pulled a muscle so I had to rub bingui on it. (This may only work for those of us of a certain age.)

Amber said...

I'm with Bev -- the second cake looks like maggots are growing out of it. Makes me think of "The Lost Boys."

Christy M said...

Wow - my first wreck! I'm so flattered. I did a double take when I saw #2 in my local Super Center. I thought to myself "Did I just find a wreck? Oh heck yeah I found a wreck!"

Donna - you nailed it! That comment is the best!!!

Julia said...

Oh, those are brilliant. I was looking forward to the St Patrick's Day offerings. Nothing like a bit of wreckery on your birthday!

Rana said...

Okay - those bottom things are either chollas or hydras, not shamrocks!

Lark said...

Are those REALLY maggots on cake #2?? Please tell us they are sprinkles....please!

SWF said...

Lol, for the Shamrock CCC, couldn't they just used 3 cupcakes to make a Shamrock? I thought at first it was an infectious toe fungus! XD

Hyena Overlord said...

Sham...ewwww*L*

edinge...edinge edinge goes the buckles on the leprechauns shoes as he runs from these wrecks

Anonymous said...

Bloggies Congratulations!!!!!

MJ

Shelby said...

I am known as a sprinkles kind of baker, but I can't ever use white ones again. Thanks, Rotten Cake Makers. (Although I am not convinced they aren't maggots either.)

Wreckers, you wrock!
--Shelby

dramaqueen87-05 said...

That last one looks like penicillin magnified a lot. Hyphae and all that.

Gretchen said...

I thought they were cacti!

FreedomFirst said...

Hehe. I just had to share this with you. My 4-year-old loves to look at the cake pictures here, so today he gets to the one of the cookie with shamrock faces and starts yelling, "Mommy, mommy, come look! They made a tadpole cake!"

LMAO!

Anonymous said...

For any of you who ever watched Chiller Theater, that last one reminds me of the arm and hand with six fingers that came out of the ground and said "CHILLLLERRRRRR"!

Shellz said...

Oh, it's a shamrock CCC? I thought it was supposed to be Ireland.

Anonymous said...

That cupcake shamrock cake kind of looks like a Mandelbrot Set. If it were, you know, made out of cupcakes. Badly.

http://chieja.notlong.com

--
Bruce T.

Anonymous said...

I like how on the Happy St. Patricks day cake the three cloever faces look like they're about to puke (as in from consuming too much alcohol) lol.

Abigail said...

I'm thinking the last ones are amoebas.

Peter L. said...

The consensus of the wrecktators in the room is that the last cake is a moldy cauliflower with a red eye-patch.