Monday, March 2, 2009

Nah, These Won't Traumatize the Kids at ALL

Monday, March 2, 2009

These cakes are all quite nicely done. I'm sure that will be of some comfort to the kids when they're in therapy.

Sock-hop it to me, Audrey R.!

Yes, happy birthday, girls, from Headless Flo and her Tinker-Toy Poodle Skirt of Probable Misfortune. ("Doom" was taken.)

Now, who wants ice cream?


"No, no, Patrick, the dinosaur isn't trying to eat you. He's here to party!"

See? Look at that cute little party hat! It really bring out his razor sharp teeth, don't you think, Selah?

Speaking of teeth...


This looks like the aftermath of a fairy-tale massacre, or in other words, a-DOR-able! [sing-song voice] Say, Arloe S., is that middle pig coming or going?


[announcer voice] "Hey parents, are you tired of boring, peaceful birthday parties? Want to add a little more excitement back into the one-year celebration? Then ask for the Dead Elephant special!"

[Kids yelling] "Yay! Dead elephants!"

[announcer] "That's right, kids! Yes, these delectable globs of deceased pachyderms tell the world: this party is gonna be killer!

"Side effects may include screaming, crying, thumb-sucking, sweating, itchy palms, irritable bowel, and a life-long fear of blue animals. Not recommended for children with nervous constitutions or sensitive bladders. Dead elephants are not responsible for any damages - real or imagined - done to your children. Void where prohibited, all rights reserved."

You've got a killer eye there, Andrew C.
The Courteous Chihuahua said...

Say what you want about the scare factor, I LOVE the three pigs cake and would totally eat an entire icing elephant.

Tameson said...

LOVE the disclaimer!

Susie said...

I would be friends with the dinosaur. Better than not being friends.

Leslie said...

The pig cake reminds me strongly of the video for "Three Little Pigs" by Green Jello (later Green Jelly for copyright reasons). I know it's floating around YouTube.
I just have to say though, that your disclaimer made my morning. :)

Char said...

Who buys these atrocious creations? I mean really?!

You Suck at Craigslist said...

So, these are ridiculous ... but at least they're recognizable. I mean, the dead elephants are hilarious [by the way, "Dead Elephants" would be a GREAT name for a band!], but they are immediately recognizable as such.

If I were to attempt to make dead elephants on a cake, they would turn out much more blobulicious.

Word verification: sinables. Is that like a cracker that will send you straight to hell?

ModestGirl said...

There has to be a reason for the dead blue elephants but I think the reason might be worse than the cake, if that's possible. Yikes.

Viewtiful_Justin said...

I had everyone at the bank at my computer monitor because I was laughing so hard. Holy cow. Freaking hysterical.

The dead elephant cake is a stroke of genius!

The Cookie Girl said...

Just started following you after laughing like crazy last night at these cake wrecks.
These are a bit scary for kids and adults too. Gotta go hide from that party hat dino eeek!

Fluffy Cow said...

Perhaps not the intended effect... but the dead elephants make me giggle! AND they have sprinkles!!!

kerrie said...

I actually kind of like most of these. the Elephants remind me of the drunk scene in Dumbo and I have a nephew who would absolutely LOVE that dinosaur cake.

Now the sugar content in those elephants — whew! My teeth hurt just looking at that.

Jasry said...

Well, I must say that these cakes are really well-executed. *poke* Get it? Dead elephants, pig body parts, headless sock-hoppers: executed? Mwah-hahahaha!
But the lettering is legible, borders nicely piped... it's just the subject matter that's a bit, um, questionable. That dino cake just might give me Jurrasic Park-style nightmares, and it wasn't even my party.

kathryn said...

I wonder if the dead elephant cake was for a graduating senior at Texas A&M University... though I'm not sure why it would be a number one shaped cake.

Sarah said...

I am so confused by that pig cake! Are the pigs supposed to be hiding in the cake? Why do they only have 2 legs apiece?! Bizarre!!!

Maria said...

wait.... i don't.... why.... but the elephants are cute and... so very... dead.

man, these parents are just BEGGING for an emo teenager.

Angie said...

the elephant cake had such potential to be adorable.

Richard Lindberg said...

Maybe the dead elephant decorator is a Democrat.

Anonymous said...

there are red **X** **X** on the elephants eyes!!! What the WHAT???

Anonymous said...

Once again, Jen, brilliant commentary!LOL

Anonymous said...

hahahaha those elephants are hilarious.

though the cakes aren't that much of a wreck the concepts are less than perfect.

Jennifer said...

I LOVE the three little pigs cake. I especially like the pieces of stick or straw from the blown-down house. At least, I'm assuming that's what that is.

madeline-may said...

Those dead elephants look freaking delicious. Yeah, I said it.

Dorfmunder said...

I've always heard that eyes are the hardest thing to draw, so maybe the entire head was eliminated to avoid that problem.

C.G. the Foodie said...

Hilarious!!!

Where are the pigs heads?!?!? And the last cake is like a trippy Dumbo scene.

All Adither said...

Birthday boy's voice: I want the pig butt piece, I want the pig butt piece!

Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com)

slycreations said...

The pigs totally confuse me -- is it just the remaining pieces of of the pigs? Why are they each only half a pig?
Now, if you made those blue elephants pink, they'd be perfect for some parties I've attended!!

Empty Promises said...

At least the dead elephant cake is shaped like a 1. Maybe it's a 1st birthday party and the kid will need hypnotic regression to be troubled by this.

Melinda said...

Are those dead elephants on a giant number 1? There's one for the baby book! ::shudder::

Anonymous said...

You did *NOT* just say "coming or going". Oh my.... My head is in the gutter.

Anonymous said...

The elephant with the red x eyes totally cracked me up! and your commentary as usual was right on and hilarious!
Blogless Mary Lou

Tauna said...

Are the pig butts bacon flavored?

Anonymous said...

I think I might have actually liked that dinosaur cake when I was in my dinosaur phase, even if it would have given me nightmares that night, wrapped up in my dinosaur bedsheets.

But I can't fathom the why behind the dead elephant cake. Please tell me this wasn't for a child's 1st birthday!

thedeadcantdie said...

I actually like all of these except for the first one. Maybe not for a kid's party, though.

& those are suppose to be dead elephants? I would've guessed drunk before dead.

Jo said...

OK, must say that the dino made me think of Barney gone bad. Maybe he ate the head off of poodle skirt gal.

Anonymous said...

Clearly those elephants are a victim of poisonous sprinkle warfare. But what does the G stand for and why is the burial field shaped like a one?

I think the pigs are either hiding from the poisonous sprinkles having noted the elephant's demise or perhaps simply enjoying a final meal of cake.

As for the dinosaur cake, maybe Mom has grown tired of the 'I love all things dinosaur' phase and think she can scare it out of the little tike with one last cake.

-Becky

Mella said...

They are all great and not bad . It's just the scary theme going on that turns them into wrecks.

D.B. Echo said...

These are all great cakes! The poodle skirt one looks familiar, like it was based on an illustration from somewhere - so maybe the Tinkertoy poodle is a faithful rendering.

I would LOVE the dinosaur one. Probably for a kid who loves dinosaurs and hates Barney.

The Three Little Pigs and the dead elephants one are both masterpieces - though there should probably be more straw around the pigs. And the dead elephants could be done in pink to celebrate someone's anniversary of sobriety!

piecemeal people said...

To be fair, I think the big bad wolf cake was actually pretty well-done - and I think a lot of little boys wouldn't mind the scary dinosaur, either. The dead elephants, however? The purpose is totally lost on me, as is the party theme.

Amy said...

I was going along pretty good until I got to the dead elephants (blue is SUCH a nice touch for dead..) and then I totally lost it.
Sure am glad I didn't have a mouthful of coffee when I saw that!

~Amy B.

Julie said...

All these cakes are sponsored by the American Association of Child Psychiatrists and Psychologists. In these troubled and troubling times, they have to drum up business any way they can. All of the cakes seem to be executed well. It is just the message that is , is, skewed. Also, as the wife of a dentist, what's with the wolf's teeth? Does he need to brush and floss? Is that a little piggy stuck in there? Did he start the cake before the birthday boy? Is this a case of having your cake and being it too? So many questions and so few answers.

Anonymous said...

I'm pretty sure the pig cake is not just the three little pigs but is from the book "The True Story of the Three Little Pigs" In that book all you ever see is the rear of the pigs right before the pig eats them.

Jen said...

That elephant one KILLS me!

Markus said...

I'm guessing the blue elephants used to be pink before, and now they're just sleeping it off...

Holly said...

What on Earth were the decorators thinking?

Markus said...

Also, are you sure there's not a two before the 1? 21 is the legal drinking age in the US, isn't it? Now I'm sure it's pink elephants sleeping it off!

elb said...

What about the lack of hands on the headless sock hopper? Well, they don't look much like hands if they are...more like mittens...that will keep the kids wondering, I'm sure...

Suzanne said...

I really hope the dead elephant cake wasn't for a first birthday. In other situations I can see it being humorous but not for a little kids party.

Whitney said...

Not quite as much fun as dead elephants... but I think those are supposed to be heffalumps (sp?) from Winnie the Pooh.

Gaia Iulia said...

To be fair, kids are harder to traumatize than you think. My three year old looked at the first two cakes and said, "Arrr! Dinosaur! Arrr! Princess!" and went on her merry way.

That elephant cake is just wrong, though.

DangGina said...

I really don't know what to say...other than I'm SO glad my folks didn't do this for me when I was a child...or even now that I'm an adult! These cakes have the potential to scar for life...

Melanie said...

My two year old came up while I was looking at this post and said, "Scary! Scary, Mommy, scary." Indeed, I won't be getting those cakes for any of his birthdays. Unless I start to hate him. And that won't happen.

Matt said...

I like the way the dead elephants cake is apparently a huge "1" but there appears to be a card to the right of it labeled "6" - I wonder how old the kid really is.

paige said...

actually, the one with the wolf and the three little pigs is taken from an illustration in a children's book(think older than fairy tale age, like 9 or 10) telling a "modern day" version of the story. i rather think it's a really nice-looking cake.

Doublebanker said...

A little early for a cake that is too scary...

Give cake wrecks some appreciation for maintaining this blog like I have!

Your Daily Gif Blog

DB

Blake said...

Actually, I think that Dinosaur one is awesomely done. I want it at my next party!

jackie31337 said...

madeline-may said: Those dead elephants look freaking delicious. Yeah, I said it.

Careful, there are enough crossover readers from passive-aggressive notes that you could end up wearing the unitard.

HorribleLicensePlates said...

LOL - The "x"s on those elephant's eyes are priceless!

MalMal said...

Deeead elephants (bum bum bum) deeeadd elephants (bum bum bum)
deeead elephants aren't much fun.

Dimento, anyone?

wv: pubnex. "The elephants turned blue.. they'll need to visit the pubnex to pinken up again."

Karen said...

I actually really like the wolf cake and the elephant cake (bizarre as it is). Beats a generic plastic Bob the Builder anyday.

Trevor said...

Actually I think the elephants MIGHT be drunk and passed out, not dead, based on teh X's over their eyes.

Amanda R said...

These are great wrecks... scary wrong, yet surprisingly well done. The elephant cake would have been adorable... but what was going throught the decorators mind that made him decide to add a red "x" to their eyes? I hope it was requested... maybe "Dead Elephants" WAS the name of the band that ordered the cake :) And the three pigs cake is great. It makes me want to make a cake depicting "The stinky cheese man" (Will anyone over 27 know what I mean by that, i wonder... )

Alan Negative said...

Cakewrecks is consistently one of the best and funniest blogs I visit on a daily basis.

You guys should add a "Followers" box. I know I'd follow CW.

Anonymous said...

Maybe the elephants are supposed to be passed out drunk - but if so, why aren't they pink?

And it looks like they just ran out of room on the sock-hopper cake - nice planning, wreckerator. They could have just put wheels in place of the feet and made her a dressmaker's form.

Anonymous said...

OMG! It's the blue elephant brothers of the pink elephant on my New Year's cake! -Amy C.

Cliff said...

I love the dead elephant cake! I could be wrong, but in other countries, but having Xs for eyes means that the character is sleeping?

kara said...

What is up with these parents??

And I like that the sock-hopper's jacket is monogrammed with "AH" (the kids' initials). Yes, AH! is right...

Ann Burlingham said...

The 3 Pigs cake lady has more, and these are weird/great/something, including the heart (with arteries), woman with baby crowning, and roasted chicken cakes: http://thecakelady.ca/bizarre3.html

FreedomFirst said...

Okay, the dead elephants did seem a bit weird, and the outfit minus a body needed a double-take. But I like that dinosaur. I think my 4-year-old would LOVE that cake. As for the 3 pigs, that is hilarious. Not really my thing though. I could see my 2-year-old really liking that one. He loves anything with big teeth right now, and it's not looking right at him like the dino-monster.

Licketysplit said...

My first thought was that the elephants were some depraved version of Heffalumps, like so: http://love-a-cupcake.blogspot.com/2008/02/heffalumps-cuppies.html

My next flight of fancy is an elaborate story that the "1" stands for "We're number 1," like a foam finger. A team with the initial "G," see bottom of the cake, has soundly defeated a team with an elephant mascot. Hence the festive sprinkles and the carnage.

BreeAnn said...

The dinosaur cake looks like a rabib Barney. The Elephant cake.... is just creepy.

MJS said...

My son would adore the T. Rex cake but he's 8 and is all about the gore.

I think those elephant eyes are supposed to be buttons (sewn on) but they just look dead. Not to mention the diabetic coma that amount of frosting would put you into.

Scritzy said...

Okay, I went to the Cake Lady link. I want the coffin-covered-in-roses cake for my wake.

I'm going to have nightmares about Wolfie and the Half-Hams tonight.

Of course the elephants are dead. Any child of a certain age (ahem, middle?) remembers that cartoon characters with Xs for eyes were dead.

I have a pathological fear of elephants, but I'd scarf one of those frosting goops right down. Hand me a spoon.

Word verification: locker. I hid my scary cake in my locker and got busted during inspection. Oops. ;)

Elise said...

Did anyone else see the dinosaur cake and think of the AT&T commercial with Freddie the Fun-Loving Dinosaur being replaced with the T-Rex?

Liz E said...

I was wondering if the sock hop lady was supposed to be the Nanny from Muppet Babies since you never see her head (AND this would qualify her for your 80s tribute!). Even so, it's, like, grody to the max!

StuffCooksWant said...

LOVE them all! The pigs are my fav....who would do that? Honestly. Why the butts?

whereinchicago said...

I absolutely love the last one.

Hah! Elephanticide.

holly said...

Oh! That is *straw* scattered around the pigs and wolf. My first thought was toothpicks for the wolf to get the last shreds of pork out of his teeth.

Jen said...

Maybe the dead elephants cake is to celebrate an alcoholic's first full year of sobriety. That would explain both the blueness and the deadness.

Derelict said...

I think the lizard one would go over with no problems, even at a 4yo's boys bday party.
My son would probably think it's awesome.

Heidi 'n' Jeff said...

HA! I am so glad my cousin told me to come check you out. You are my favorite now. :)

Some of my favorite things are cake and humor. Bad cakes and humor is even better.

I did a post about a botched wedding cake. I'm sure you've seen the cake before. Anyway, in her comment she mentioned you're awesome {sing song voice} blog. I'm hooked and will be visiting everyday...at least once.

Today is Dr. Seuss's birthday, so maybe you could find some cool, or not so cool, cakes for him. Just a humble suggestion.

melissa said...

Ha! That 3 little pigs cake is funny shit!!

bubbasmom said...

I love the three pigs cake! It reminds me of the time when my husband got me a cake with a dead pig on it. I loved that cake, too!! In all fairness to my beloved, there's a story there;^)

And the dead blue elephants (what other color would dead elephants be???) were wondrous.

christine said...

I actually really like the dead elephants, but I'm not a little kid.
they are pretty cute icing critters.

Jessica Martiele said...

Ummmm...is it me, or does the Wolf on the mauled Piggy cake look JUST like Gmork from The Neverending Story? Maybe I'm still hung over from the Sunday Sweets '80's thing, but that cake has me fearing The Nothing and hoping Falcor will scoop up Atreyu and take him to the Childlike Empress instead of letting him get mauled by Gmork. Aaaaah, the '80's...

Becky B said...

I'm sorry, but I'm going to be laughing about the 3 pigs until tomorrow. I want the directions b/c I think I may have to find an excuse to make that one.

Anonymous said...

All these cakes are very well-made. I love the poodle skirt cake. Just because it's not your thing doesn't make it a wreck.

Anonymous said...

Hysterical! Though the dino was a bit much - eek!

WV: sessuse - these oddball cake wrecks are just the thing for Dr. Sessuse's birthday!

Anonymous said...

BTW, if you who protest that these are *not* wrecks would read the sidebars, you'll note that they ARE wrecks because Jen says so. Rules of the blog.

Chelle said...

Um.. is the elephant cake shaped like a one? It leads me to believe it's a 1st birthday cake.... hmm, I could be wrong, maybe it's the first time the cake receiver poached an endangered animal??

That's ONE, ONE POACHED ELEPHANT. Mwa ha ha ha haaa! I love to count.

Dibs on the wastebasket.

Willow Tree said...

(shaky singing through clenched teeth) yea, memories!

Blessings, Carolynn

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Kat said...

I think having dead elephants means way more frosting and that's a good thing.

cadylee said...

OK, I actually like the dinosaur cake, but the headless, handless sock hop gal freaks me the eff out.

Appieloosa said...

Ok the wolf and the 3 pigs is actually from a book (I think) it's called "The Three little pigs, the true story"
It's told by the wolf and he just happens to come across the dead piggies and he didn't want them to go to waste ((snicker)) the picture in the book actually looks like that.
See the wolf just sneezed and well that's how he found the pigs.
There's even a story about his "Trial"
http://www.shol.com/agita/wolfside.htm

There's also a puppet show that is based on the book that is really really great at one point one of the pigs "falls off the road of life" my little boy laughed so hard he almost fell over:)

Appieloosa said...

I can't find the picture but here's an old you tube clip where Tim Allen reads the story to some kids. At the end of the clip you can see the part that looks like the cake

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oTrQJgMTErQ

Christine said...

AH! The elephants remind me of the scary drunk scene in Dumbo. Only here it looks like the elephants on parade had too much to drink.

Cindy said...

That dinosaur cake reminds me of that commercial. Where the mother was expecting some happy friendly dinosaur only to get the mini godzilla. The mother looks at the camera all worried and says "ah memories." as the children are screaming of course. I can see the theme now.

Anna said...

These are killer! Ba-dum-bum-baaa!
Poor Patrick didn't even get a dot on his "i". That's gotta hurt real bad, man.

Arcadia said...

I really love this blog.You made me laugh.
Well as I know children remember the things that had a big impact upon them.
So if I would ever make cake like that I should probably ask my self many times:Was this a happy birthday or a spuky birthday?

Visit my blog

Margi said...

I just want those little piggies with their little curly tails
that cake is art

Beckster said...

I thought the elephants were drunk! HAHA They had a little too much fun at the party

j.cro said...

At least they're blue to show that they're dead... Although making them a little more purple-y grey might have made them more realistic.
Poor kid!

Nulono said...

Please tell me those elephants aren't solid frosting!

Aren Michael said...

i think the t-rex cake is way awesome and makes me think of a cake my 12 year old brother would want.

the 3 little pigs is hilarious!
dead elephants, not so much.

jake said...

Wow! I've been missing out! It hurts to not laugh this hard, under my breathe, at work. Well I've been under a rock for way too long...found you on the Weblog Awards page. Congrats!!

Tobias said...

Maybe the dead elephants isn't celebrating a kids birthday, but the one year being sober mark??? Or maybe the baby just realllllly hates elephants?

I loved these though!

Ashley said...

Must...eat...bad bad wolf. Wow...that one was just...wow.

Susie said...

My boys would love the dinosaur, although my 2 year old says it's a crocodile. They like dinos, and the scarier, the better.

I think you missed something on Headless Flo. I think even more disturbing than the fact that her head wouldn't fit on the cake is that she has ARM STUMPS! Arms would have fit on the cake, which makes the lack of them seriously creepy.
Maybe she should have added a cupcake head and made it a CCC!

And Three Little Pigs? No, it should be called "Pig Butt Cake."

Helen said...

At first I thought the dead elephants cake was a replica of the 'hungy hippos' board game.

christi said...

Hey mom I think the Hungary Hungary Hippos died of starvation

bridget said...

I have to say that my 4-year-old daughter would LOVE the scary dino cake. She (and her similarly aged cousins) would have thought it was the coolest!

And they also love any large quantities of icing. Perfect for that age group.

In the Meantime said...

I kind of like the dinosaur cake!!

I just don't understand the dead elephants - especially not on a first birthday cake! Maybe they're figuring the kid will be too young to be disturbed and will instead concentrate only on the cake?

=Tamar said...

I think the "dead elephants" cake might be political: were the "blue" states Republican? But I don't understand the "1" shape in that context. The elephants are cute, anyway.

Beth said...

Yes I think the dead elephant cake is political too. Dead Elephant is a website....wonder who the G might stand for? :)

Hungarican Chick said...

I particularly like the X-eyes.

Kathy M. said...

My 5 y.o. daughter saw the Big Bad Wolf cake and said, "Looks like he blowed too hard."

Yup, piggy segments everywhere.... Ew.

Reilly said...

I'm not entirely sure if those dead elephants werent meant to be dead. Uh-oh!

AnneLions said...

I doubt anyone's going to read this far, but I thought I'd put in my 2 cents. :-)

I have to say, I love the dino cake. Kids love that sort of thing. When my brother was 3 or 4 (don't remember exactly), my mom asked what kind of cake he wanted for his birthday. His response was 'Dinosaurs attacking a train'. So she got a little plastic train cake topper and little plastic (not cake topper) dinos. And there was the 'dinosaurs attacking a train'. He loved it.

Anonymous said...

my soon to be 4 sister pointed at the dinosaur cake and said "i want that cake!" and i just don't understand the pig cake.

Anonymous said...

I thought those elephants were drunk.

Craig said...

Wreckerator #1: "Ok, I'll make it, but I have to warn you: I haven't learned how to draw heads, forearms and hands yet. Or dogs, for that matter."

The 'one year of sobriety' theory for the last makes a heckuva lot more sense -- and is much cooler -- than a carnage-themed first birthday party.