Thursday, February 5, 2009

Head Check

Thursday, February 5, 2009

How are you feeling today? Good? Not, for example, dizzy, light-headed, or nauseous? [checking clipboard] Or how about stabbing pains in the temple - any of those? No?

[scribbling note] Good, good. Alright then, everything seems to be in order! You may proceed.


Do not adjust your screen. The dizziness will pass. Eventually.

Take deep breaths. Remember, the bathroom is right down the hall.

Oooo, what a feeling! The cake is on the ceiling! And I'm totally reeling!

No, seriously; looking at this photo is making me sea-sick. I can't even manage a scathing remark about the misspelling or wonky left-justified spacing; my head just hurts too much.

Richelle and Jenna D., pass the Tylenol, will ya?
TornadoBaby said...

Dangit... there goes the eye left over from the lava blood raceway CCC orange disaster....

Kate said...

uggg, thanks for the hangover

Sarah P. said...

Holy Crap. That last cake was high-larious. I seriosuly couldn't help myself there.

Jennifer said...

That first cake makes me think of those 3d posters, like we need to look for the hidden image... And I LOVE the last one.

Anonymous said...

What in the heck is the "ceiling" cake about? The other 2 are just ghastly, but the last one really got to me.

Anonymous said...

My retna are burning. If you look at the cake and then look at a white wall, you can see the contrary color.

miss jacobs if you're nasty. said...

make it stop.

beckiwithani said...

Please be careful ... if you were to be arrested for negligence in your triggering of various readers' migraines and/or seizures ... we would have no more Cake Wrecks to make us smile.

Anonymous said...

That last one actually made me dizzy. Excuse me while I go find the Pepto. Oh my stomach!!!

MarieA said...

I couldn't decide whether to spew my coffee or run for the gravol.
oy!

gryphondear said...

Oh, my!

CONGRADULA
TIONS

[Gryphon changes glasses] Nope, still horrible; even the third cake is not enhanced by the horror movie camera angle. And one wonders who the HOURGLASS AND THE POISONED PEN are.

wv: beack - the noise I made after viewing cake 2.

;^) Jan the Gryphon
http://gryph-wotd.blogspot.com/

karmapearl said...

*tilts head*

*tilts head again*

Nothing makes sense.

NOTHING.

Anonymous said...

Thats too funny! I really do have a head cold, and it hurts to look at these!
-Jenoa O.

Cyberrblue (Colleen) said...

Yeah, those didn't help my raging headache any....unless those were made exactly as they were requested I can't believe any rational cake decorator looked at them when finished and said "that looks good, I think I'm finished".

WVOTD: acept...I acept that there are some really bad cakes in the world, but I don't have to buy them.

~Colleen (cyberrblue.wordpress.com)

El Comodoro said...

The first incredible example of airbrushed neon (!) plaid is just about what I see when a migraine is coming on. I think my left arm just went numb...

April said...

Wow. Just wow. I think that I have sprained my retinas. Ouch.

Jenn said...

I really really don't get the hourglass and poison pen thing. A Shakesperean reference? Anyone?
Jenn W

Erin said...

Yes, Richele, HAPPY BELATED BITCHDAY!!! We hope you vomit plaid icing.

And what is up with all these flowers lately? Is symmetry REALLY that difficult?

Judy said...

Ah... once again cake #2 displays the scribble string cake. The hallmark of the cake decorator with absolutely no cake decorating skills or talent what-so-ever!

Julie said...

Alright.... Who barfed up the psychodelic cell phone CCC from the other day? I told you to not eat that whole thing at once. This is what happens.

WV: usses... Usses that's a cool looking cake. I ask what are you smokin'?

Paul E said...

The first two are just sad. It's the third one that worries me. The bakery is obviously a front. By their clever misdirections of poor spelling and spacing, they are trying to prevent you from reading down the left edge...

It's a ploy to secure sacrifices for Cthapp, much neglected little brother to Cthulhu (who gets all the good sacrifices, darn him). By eating this cake, the unsuspecting people will be marked for death to bring greater glory to this nearly forgotten Old One. Beware!

Alix said...

Holy crap y'all...

I really need glasses. I thought #1 was a Burberry plaid purse, #2 was a Jackson Pollack painting, and #3 was an elevator panel.

Wrong again.

Cassykins said...

No kidding the first one and ceiling cake both made me a little nauseous. I'm glad you did a pre-viewing physical check or I may have been in some trouble!

Trevor said...

Okay, seriously, I think that all grocery store decorators need to be banned from using the airbrush. No, really.

And that last one? Is there ANY story behind it? It's so bizzare.

April said...

Give me that pen. I want to stab myself in the eye with it.

Anonymous said...

If this:
http://www.nymf.org/Show-938.html

is what "The Hourglass and the Pointed Pen" refers to, I have to say that the lame roses don't reflect it well...

Mella said...

My head is spinning

D.B. Echo said...

So I had to look up "The Hourglass and the Poisoned Pen." Interesting.

"When Superheroes, live theater and tap dancing collide, the result is Chicago Tap Theatre's Hourglass and the Poisoned Pen. With moments of intense action, irresistable humor and heartfelt emotion, this is the show that proves that tap dance is the perfect medium for theatrical expression..."

Is the picture of the cake just upside-down?

The second cake is missing something. Something that would make it complete. Oh, yeah...CLOWNS!

Or maybe just Rip Taylor with an empty bucket.

Melissa said...

Wow...those do make you dizzy..and wonder about humanity...

wv diessef: my self dies just a little every time I see cakes like the last one

Kathy R. said...

The Hourglass and Poisoned Pen is, according to one website, a "Superhero Tap Dance Opera." It has apparently played in Chicago and New York, from a quick look at Google. What that has to do with a cake on the ceiling and bad spelling/spacing, I have no idea.

The Courteous Chihuahua said...

Too bad we tossed out our 3-D glasses from the Superbowl. Those would come in handy for cake number one, although I'm not sure I want to see that coming at me!!!

smcn said...

Congradulation! A wreck is you!

Half Assed Kitchen said...

Oh, the first one? It's spring!

Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com)

Anonymous said...

Oh jeez, I just got new glasses this morning and am adjusting, then looking at the top cake, I'm definitely screwed for the day.

I need some Advil...

Anonymous said...

Apparently the reference is to some kind of musical...

http://www.nymf.org/index.php?module=ShowManager&func=display&sid=938

Stefanie said...

My eye is twitching now...

I Love Baby Quilts! said...

Yike! I really do feel sick looking at those.

TheDitzyQueen said...

whoa....

seriously why????

my only ideas are #1 is a Pink Floyd Cake, nooooo freaking clue about #2 its just plain UGLY... and maybe #3 is a Alice in Wonderland cake?

?=(

WV:surieses: The eye disease brought on by cake wrecks.

Amy said...

Whew. Psychedelic, dude!
Too much crap on too small a space.
The last one should've been a sheet cake; that way they could've at least spaced the lettering out more.

WV: "knowb" Sounds like someone has a cold. "My knowb id tuffy". LOL

Debbi said...

Well, at least Pete got sprinkles ...

Heidi said...

What I would like to know is, who the heck puts the plastic balloons on the cake before they finish frosting it?? Notice the blue....uh...streamer running right across the top of one of the plastic balloons on the right. Is that to give it an even more realistic 3-D effect? *snickers*

Liz said...

I just can't fathom how a decorator looks at their work and thinks any of those look GOOD!

Hyena Overlord said...

Ugh...it's all the more horrible because I have a headache. I thought one of the cakes said "happy birthday pee"

wvotd...cowersi...the inability to spell and or hyphenation words correctly.

Anonymous said...

Figured out the last one:

http://www.nymf.org/index.php?module=ShowManager&func=display&sid=938

Still doesn't make it right, though.

Anonymous said...

Just checking the 'net and that last cake may refer to - get this - a comic book, superhero, tap-dance production by the Chicago Tap Theater.

Trixie said...

I dunno. Worked like the hair of the dog for me.

Shawna said...

That second cake, the horror. As if plastic balloons from the early 90's weren't enough, they threw in the blobs of frosting to pass it off as a more festive cake. Then, in an attempt to coordinate with the balloon blobs, they put the name in blobs...pukey, ugly, blobs.

The last cake with that poison pen deal, reminds me of the poison bon bon cake.

Flartus said...

Wow. Jen, you have really outdone yourself today. A virtual grab-bag of poor layout, bad handwriting and incompetent airbrushing, all layered with horrible color combinations that make the eyes bleed. I think you may be approaching critical mass of wrecktitude. Careful: goggles and hardhats may be required!

Lindsey said...

Wow, at first I thought you were kidding but now my eyeballs hurt a little and my head is pulsing. It reminds me of the time I watched Raiders of the Lost Ark with a friend of mine and we rewound the melting eyeballs part at the end over and over until it made us sick.

David and Taryn said...

I have a migraine now....thanks.

StuffCooksWant said...

I think someone needs to get a dicti onary to learn how to split words wh en they are too long to fit on a sin gle line.

Shannon said...

Before I read anything I looked at the cake. My eyes hurt, and I am seriously sea sick. Wow, those are 9 kind of bad. Going pray to the porcelain god now.

drgns4vr said...

I have just a few questions here (raising hand respectfully):
Cake #1, why does the plaid come down the side on the right but not on the middle? Not that I think we should have more of that plaid.
Cake #2, who handed out cans of Silly String to the decorators? There's just a little too much exuberance there, Pete.
Cake #3, what's with the lavendar frill around the bottom?
My eyes hurt. I'm going back to bed.

From Single to Married said...

What WERE they thinking?

Dawn said...

My eyes hurt. Then I went to one of the Poison Pen links.

Superhero. Tap Dance. Opera.

Now my entire brain hurts.

Leslie said...

Thanks Jen...I actually was having nausea and head pain (think it's a sinus infection gone wrong).
Now it's worse.
The plaid explosion is awful and it reminds me of one of those stupid magic eye puzzles. The second one...I have no words.
The third one cracks me up...lovely justification. Great spelling. It's an absolute winner.

Carolyn said...

Paul E, I would have commented sooner but was laughing hysterically about Cthapp. It screams out for an online Web comic treatment about Chthulu's younger and less talented brother. Someting between Lex Luthor and Pinky & the Brain. I only wish I could draw.

Netts Nook said...

I am glad that I am not in a club by myself. Just the taste matter.

Miranda said...

Again: The first and last cakes. First someone did a nice border and nice roses, then someone scribbled (and airbrushed) on them. This hurts my brain. The middle one is simply grotesque and should not exist, anywhere, ever.

Dinner/Dishes/Drinking said...

OMG my eyes are bleeding!! The first is one of the most wreck-tastic ever! Ouch!

RobynNewt said...

I woke up today with a migraine. Oddly enough, after staring down the first cake, my eyes feel kind of numb and don't hurt as badly anymore. I'm saving that one for later.

WV: Mundere. Mindless, aimless, blindfolded decorating. "The second cake sucked something awful. I wonder who mundered it."

MJS said...

The Hourglass and the Poisoned Pen web site features misspellings - "the last siiver of wood" - and creative grammar. It must be intentional. The vile Nick Prickle forced the pitiful cake decorator to create the horror on purpose!

Anonymous said...

Nauseated: you feel queasy
Nauseous: you induce queasiness

Serendipity said...

Wow. My eyes hurt from the first one, I'm STILL not sure what to think about the second one, and I swear the third one keeps spinning on the screen. My mind keeps trying to make sense of the spacial references, but it can't. Ahhhhh!

GimpViking said...

*crash* *shatter* That was me, toppling over. At least, I took my monitor with me...
Seriously though, tap dancing? Superheros? The Lord of the Dance vs. Doc Ock or what?!

Clair said...

The first one made me so cross eyed i gave up trying to figure out what the message was.

janed21 said...

Poison Pen????

Christa said...

The first cake looks like those eye trick things in emails, like you should have said start at the cake for one mintue then close your eyes....you saw Jesus did you!
And the last cake...
uhm ok I blinkedlike
10times before Irea-
lized that was writ-
ingand couldregainmy bearings...andIstill
have no cluewhatmes-
sagetheyaretryingto-
relay.

Fluffy Cow said...

Hey ceeling cat- we got ur cake!

JennyF said...

Better yet..who gets a "belated" birthday cake for somebody? Seriously!

Thank God I'm wearing my glasses today and not my contacts.

wolfmom said...

In order: WHOOAA, EWWW, HUH?
Will sit down until the dizziness and nausea pass.

Arlynn said...

I bet Pete is thrilled down to the toes with the idea of his cake having the honor of being one of the decorator-trainee practice surfaces. Yeppers, someone got to hone their mad skillz in airbrushing, piping, sprinkling, conflicting color usage, and both lettering & balloon placement done in both icing and on stems. Nice.

kiSskiSsBingBing said...

omg!! this is hilarious!! how could you even find those cakes?? I guess i've always overestimate the intelligence of the cake designers then?! oh boy. I love your blog! now i need to tune mine up to show some humor...

*daisy said...

seriously, i didn't know looking cakes could make me feel that dizzy. and now I know! that last picture does make me have vertigo... love these three! (in a "can't look at them very long" type of way)

Ted S. (Just a Cineast) said...

Perhaps I didn't read the comments closely enough, but who is that first cake for? It reads, "Happy Belated Birthday Rich[something or other]", but I can't quite make out those last few letters. Richile?

On the other hand, it also brings back memories of my childhood. I was born in 1972, and when I was young, I tried coloring the people as wearing the plaid pants that were popular back in the day.

Tatersmama said...

You need to put a warning on this post.
I just woke up and I haven't had my coffee yet.
Now the coffee will have to wait until my stomach settles.
Make it stop please.

*tara* said...

a bunch of the cakes featured here were on the comic strip blog for Bizarro! awesome!
Tara J.

msyendor said...

Paul E.

I also love the Cthapp def. I do draw and all of a sudden I'm doodling mad visions about a skinny little cepho his older, disdainful brothers calls 'the squirt' (and who probably was the decorator for Cake #2)!

WV: snestola -- oh, not on the cake, please!

CheshireCat said...

Total aside: Can someone pleeeeease explain the whole "WV" thing? Google failed me (thanks, West Virginia!) and I don't know how far back the trend goes, so forgive my laziness in asking. As a word-nerd, my curiosity has been piqued.

Etiquette Bitch said...

I can't help but wonder if CW3 was supposed to be a picture of an hourglass and a pen. Much in the tradition of "under neat that"...

HorribleLicensePlates said...

Pass me the Dramamine

Kore said...

I don't think I could eat anything with the word "poison" written on it. Even cake.

Cristine said...

Actually I WAS feeling all that you had listed up until half an hour ago, and now you've brought it all back! Tsk Tsk.

un-bride said...

what the f*c$ is the name on that 1st one, anyway?!?

DangGina said...

Well SOMEBODY didn't want to be out-done. I'm still laughing over Pete's birthday cake; can't spare a square inch!

Belligerent Elephant Caught Kicking You said...

Apparently the Hourglass and the Poisoned Pen is some kind of tap performance in Chicago. Google, guys. Use it.

Anonymous said...

What IS #1 recipient's name???

maidto5 said...

I LOVE your site! And I awarded you with the Lemonade Award! Please accept it by going to my blog and stealing the Lemonade logo!

Thank you for the constant laughs, OMG's and making me check out the deli section of every grocery store I frequent, in hopes of finding you a wreck!

Anonymous said...

I almost threw up. My head was spinning looking at the last one. But the first cake is pretty neat with it's 3D plaid.

maidto5 said...

I am sorry. I didnt post the link back to my blog! I am blaming it on the intense miagraine that I was given from todays posts!

its
www.aretheyalseepyet.blogspot.com

(yes its mispelled... though not the fault of the cakes today)

Chelle

holly said...

Huh. Looking at #2 and thinking 'And people said the DV/Baby girl cake was busy....?'

Jessica said...

ahhh I have a nasty case of sinusitis right now and my head felt like it was going to explode before I saw those - now I think it may have!

twitchywoman said...

OH yeah and I just got over the stomach flu...

Alex said...

Dude, how did they *do* that on the last cake? It really does give one a vertiginous feeling to look at. Whoever thought up that camera angle has a career in...some field where making people feel slightly ill is an asset. Maybe Guantanamo Bay has an opening?

Scritzy said...

The first one looks like a test for color-blindness.

The second looks like my cat's litter box after he ate the Silly String.

The last one ...

Um ...

Yeah.

Word verification: broveti. Spaghetti cooked by your brother.

Lashleyveta said...

Head check?
More Like Hand Check!

In Christian camp and youth groups there is a thing called hand check. For various purity reasons, however I vote that there is a Hand Check instituted in bakeries.
"HAND CHECK!"
"Drat, drop icing bag and run they are going to actually check out work!"

I think this would be both amusing and help to prevent some of the wrecks that happened here.

Aviatrix said...

Cake #1 is altering my world view. This blog helped me understand one genre of cake wrecks by explaining that the experienced professional ices a sheet cake with smooth icing, neat little borders and a smattering of lovely icing roses and then goes home, only to be followed by an overambitious cashier who smears "Congardultions" on it with the back of a butter knife. But where in this sequence does the neon argyle appear?

I refuse to comment on cakes #2 and #3, on the grounds that I'd have to look at them again.

Donna said...

Wow, those even out-wreck the mangled musical notes birthday cake my son had last year.

WV forin "Bubba, dem der cakes look purty forin to me"

Crunchy Sews said...

Oh my gosh, could someone pass me some bicarbonate of soda please?

Feisty Irish Wench said...

I had to quickly look at the pictures and quickly look away. I'm already nauseated enough in my current state, I don't need additional help.

Sarah said...

I absolutely love this blog. It is one of my top favorites. Thanks for this post. I already feel a migraine coming on.

Meagan said...

The first one reminds me of trying to read an old '3D' comic without the glasses... Oooow.


"Superhero Tap Dance Opera."....
Sounds more awful than the cake!

Ali said...

I tried to read it but my eyes burn. I'm just going to go to sleep now.D:

crazyzoid said...

hi...im ryan I am a newly blogger...I amaze in your blog..

very very very nice i'll be back here to get some idea again,, wow...

Sorcerer said...

All those cakes..!
Makes me hungry!
iam wrecked!

Jon80 said...

I could barely look at the screen! Lucky I've got some motion sickness medication.

wine blog said...

That cake makes me so dizzy!

Alicia said...

ceiling cake is watching you.

dws689 said...

Clearly, someone held the camera upside down when taking a picture of the 3rd cake.

Harley Quinn said...

Jen -- this is to inform you I have reported you to the authorities for cruelty to your legions of fans for this latest post. I don't even HAVE migranes, but I think after that 1st cake I may have contracted them!!!

The police will be arriving shortly with a duplicate of cake #1 for you ;-)

D.B. Echo said...

You realize, of course, that you single-handedly increased the awareness of The Hourglass and the Poisoned Pen by one or more factors of ten today. I'm actually kinda interested in seeing this now...I wonder if there are any snippets on YouTube?

You have tremendous power. Use it wisely!

AJ said...

LMAO! I got dizzy from seeing those cakes, but I kept having to scroll back up to Wreck #3 cuz the bad Lionel Ritchie reference just crackled me up.

WV: stspansi. Sounds like St. Spansi, a Mediterranean resort town.

Anonymous said...

These are not roses on the #3 cake, that's cauliflowers.

Kacenka said...

I think there was some memo addressed to wreck decorators, because I have seen exactly the same green/blue combo on two cakes in Stater Brothers today. Somebody somewhere bought too much blue/green color?

Patricia H said...

The contrast is a little off on my monitor so the letter T in Pete's name on the second cake sort of disappears. Guess what you get left with! It was hard to get past.

Love the site, love the humour!

Patricia Hoppe

sendingtheclowns said...

That last cake? With the secret message? It's a trick.
(!!!)
It is REALLY meant for someone named Congradula.
"TION" is code for "shun."
They want Congradula to shun the hourglass and the poison pen.
Because someone (maybe Congradula him/herself) will die.
(!!!)

OR...
The "TION" could be read phonetically as "Tie-On"...in which case the cake-getter is being told to tie on the hourglass and the poison pen --without specifying where--or why.
("Await further instructions.")
(!!!)
Very Secret Agent-ish, don't you think?
Or not.

Jenn said...

I googled... and the hourglass and the poisoned pen is some kind of play. And I quote: "When superheros, live theater, and tap dancing combine..."... pretty freaky all the way around. Here's the link:
http://www.nymf.org/index.php?module=ShowManager&func=display&sid=938

That cake made me dizzy!

Liesl Kruger said...

Ok, I am on a serious diet. Need to lose loads of weight. My weakness is - you guessed it! CAKE! However, after looking at these beauts, I think I may be cured.

Sophia Nightengale said...

Huh?


WV: chinge Chinge we CANNOT believe in.

Pam Fillin said...

I just want to know, was the show as bad as the cake?

Anonymous said...

Cake 1: Horrible looking, but okay on the visuals.
Cake 2: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! My brain! Whomever decorated that 'Professional' cake was more than likely chewed out. This one hurts. Ow.
Cake 3: I happen to be waiting for it to fall downward onto the floor.

jelloegg said...

Is the last cake really on the ceiling?

Amanda said...

I read most of these comments, and am a bit surprised that in the ones I read, no one mentioned the lack of the letter "G" in ceiling cake. "Coneradulations... Hourlass"