Friday, October 31, 2008
Mum's the Word
Friday, October 31, 2008
Let's see, we've covered pumpkins and ghosts and spiders, but I feel like something's missing from our Halloween line up...
OH! I know! This is:
Erm.
Hey, John R.? What'd you say this was again? A mummy? [checking photo again] With a red hair bow? Seriously? Wait - that's a cookie! Does that even count?
Hm, well, let's see what Amanda M. dug up for us.
Amanda thought this was some kind of spiderweb, but my Wreck radar is telling me it was supposed to be a mummy head. It's also alerting me to the fact that this is a dreaded CCC, so we'd best move on.
Ok, here we go: that's actually recognizable. Kudos, Annie D.; I bet you never thought this would be the best looking one, huh? Still, I include it as a base of reference for this next one:
Yep, Stephanie S. reports that this was actually labeled "Mummy Cake". As opposed to "Ticked-Off Cross-Breed of a Storm-Trooper and a Teenage-Mutant-Ninja-Turtle Cake".
And the award for "Least Effort Exerted in Making Overstocked Cakes into Halloween Cakes" goes to:
Like you, I thought that surely this design (found by Amy W.) was a one-store fluke. But then I got this from Jessica K.:
Ack! The smiley face mummies are everywhere! And they're surrounded by nuts!
Still, I don't think any of those Wrecks can compete with what Michael G. uncovered:
Words fail me. The stringy white stuff, the eyeballs, the two fingers...yep, I got nuthin'. Y'all will have to help me out here: what the heck is this? My best guess is a melted mummy, but I'm sure you guys can come up with something better.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Andrew Zimmern Interview
Thursday, October 30, 2008
One smashed spider extraordinaire, coming up! Don't you just love those bloated little legs, the pimply red dots, and how they moved him after air-brushing the board? Oh, and just to mess with your sense of perspective: that red thing above the eyes is not another unibrow; it's his mouth.
I'll give you a moment to reorient yourself. (My ear hit my shoulder the first time, too.)
Now brace yourself, because next up is the most frightening Spider wreck I have ever seen.
Tell me that doesn't look like a demon-possessed Mr. Snuffleupagus from Sesame Street. Remember Snuffy?
That's truly terrifying, people. What next, a zombie Micky Mouse? Stop messing with my childhood icons!
Now, I'm told these cookie decorations are supposed to look like spiders on their webs:
But I'm pretty sure they're squashed ants on target boards. C'mon, four legs? How lazy are these decorators getting?
Of course, some err in the other direction:
That's 10 legs on the guy on the right. I'm also wondering if these spider puff balls are solid icing, 'cuz if they are then I couldn't think of a more appropriate inscription. Yeesh.
Thanks Caycee H., Shawn A., Kayla B., and Vanessa C.!
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
The Spider Wreck Chronicles
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
For what it's worth, this one isn't TOO bad. Other than the fact that the legs are sprouting out of its face like whiskers, of course. And all that black frosting. And the disturbingly ambivalent mouth expression. And the fact that it's a CCC. Yep, not bad at all.
In fact, from what I've seen that is actually the most popular style of spider cake out there. Here are some more colorful models:
This one at least has its face in the right place (always a good thing), but I'm not sure what's going on in the mouth area. Plus, that Haunted gingerbread kit in the background is pure Wrecky gravy.
I would be remiss if I didn't include the steamrolled model:
Plus, yellow? Really? This looks more like a colorful dust mite, or maybe an alien brain with tubing attached, but a spider? No way.
Or how about this guy - or should I say 'girl'?
Sure, she looks more like a muppet with dreadlocks and a bald-spot than a spider, but she's so gosh-darn cute!
Speaking of dreadlocks...
Cha mon, dese be some hoppy Rasta spiders! They be jammin'. And really, have you ever seen pipe cleaners look so delicious?
Alyss H., Rebecca S., Valerie S., Katie M., and Tina F., tune in tomorrow for the terrifying conclusion to...
[dum dum da dummm] The Spider Wreck Chronicles.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Ghosts with the Most, Continued
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
This is:
A) the fabled Ghost Genie of Graceland, said to occupy the King's old rhinestone jumpsuits and known to terrorize tourists with his swirly bouffant 'do and tiny T-Rex arms
B) the Michelin Man after an unfortunate smelting accident
C) cloud porn (if you don't tell your kids, who will?)
Hey, that's cheating - the ghost is made of plastic! Thank goodness for the airbrushing, tri-colored tree spikes, and two disapproving pumpkins (see below); or else this wouldn't be a Wreck at all.
Pumpkin #1: "Hey, what's with the ghost's purple nose?"
Pumpkin #2: "I dunno - maybe he got a boo-boo. Get it? 'Boo-boo'? Ahahahha!"
Pumpkin #1: "Dude. You are so annoying."
Pumpkin #2: "Or maybe he inherited it from his transparents? Huh?"
Pumpkin #1: "Forget I said anything. Really."
Pumpkin #2: "Oh, wait, I know! He had too many spirits last night! Get it? 'Spirits'?"
Pumpkin #1: "Somebody cut the cake already. I can't take it anymore."
Thanks to Leanna P. and Shawn A.!
Monday, October 27, 2008
Ghosts with the Most
Monday, October 27, 2008
The label says "The 'Boo' Cake", but it looks more like a "boo-hoo" cake - that, or "when ghosts scream". I guess this is why ghosts shouldn't wear mascara, huh? (Get it? Ma-SCARE-a?)
Some say 'carpe diem' (seize the day) and others say 'carpe jugular' (seize the throat). I'm guessing these cupcakes are more the latter:
Huh - I've never seen ghosts with claws before.
The ghost on the left looks like a cheerleader with pom-poms. The ghost on the right looks...uh...[noting kids in the room] ....cheerful. Yeah. Like, giving you his full attention kind of cheerful.
These teeny-tiny "cupcake" creations are almost as bad as Cupcake Cakes. Not only do the bakeries leave the paper wrapper on the cupcake, but they also pile on enough icing to make even the most die-hard sugar addict develop a facial tic.
As for this particular Wreck, I have just three words: "albino squid mouth". And "ick". Ok, so maybe four words.
Thanks to Barbara A., Susan G., Heather A., and Punketta D.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Sunday Sweets: Autumn Awesomeness in Atlanta
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Doesn't this look like a giant Hallmark figurine? (I mean that in a good way.)
The cobblestones, the twisty vines, the gnarled posts! There's so much more to this cake than the cutesy mice. (Although the mice are pretty darn adorable, I must admit.)
I don't think I've ever seen sugar art looks so much like porcelain - just look at those leaves!
Mmm, sugary mushrooms...
Next up: a perfect pumpkin:
I just love the simple design and creamy colors. I think cakes overall should use more orange, too, don't you? Year-round, I mean: orange is just underused.
Many thanks to Karen and the gang over at Highland Bakery for the lovely work, and for not hanging up on John when he said he was calling from Cake Wrecks. ;)
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Great White Snark's Top 5 Awful Dalek Cakes
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Now, Mike doesn't usually concern himself with our "professional-only" rule, but for this feature he did obtain permissions from the bakers in question - just so you can have all the guilt-free chuckles you like. So, enjoy!
In cakery--as in many things--good intentions and earnestness can only get you so far. And then you need good looks. Right? Imagine a world where Ross Perot has his own reality dating show on Fox and then tell me I'm wrong.
So when I swing a callous word or ten at these cakes based on the, uh... "likeness" of Daleks (mechanical mutant aliens) from the BBC TV series Dr. Who, remember that I'm a shallow, shallow man fixated merely on appearances. My words do not reflect upon the care, goodwill, and love that went into these cakes.
(Although, for my money, "love" means giving someone at least a halfway-decent-looking cake. C'mon, people.)
For the record, this is what an actual, honest-to-goodness Dalek looks like, for you non-adherents of esoteric British sci-fi TV shows:
And now... won't you join me in my callousness? (Or in my shallowness. Reader's choice.)
5)
This bloated bastard is the Dalek cake that ate the Dalek cake that had been recently chastised by its doctor for its dangerously unhealthy weight gain.
4)
Kind of a sad little guy, isn't he? I look at this and think, "The perfect 40th birthday cake for the man who's given up on his dreams."
This started down the road for "Dalek cake," but took an unexpected detour at "Nah, let's just cover a banana with whipped cream and stick some chocolate balls on it, because I've got a wicked case of the munchies after that bong hit I just had."
I'm sad to report this Dalek looked perfectly respectable before an ugly incident with an angry, runaway microwave.
Is it just me, or does the top half of this "Dalek" remind you of the giant, asteroid-dwelling creature from The Empire Strikes Back that tried to eat the Millennium Falcon?
Bad space snake. Bad.
Find more awful geeky cakes (and awesome geeky cakes!) at Great White Snark.
I think lighting his hair on fire was a nice touch, don't you?
Friday, October 24, 2008
Wrecktastic Pumpkin Parade
Friday, October 24, 2008
Is this a pumpkin, Jacob L., or breakfast? I'm seeing scrambled eggs and a spotty banana here. And a rat with wings. But let's just ignore him and hope he goes away.
This looks like it was made from upholstery foam and melting plastic, although Lauren D. assures me it was tasty upholstery foam and plastic. So, you know, it's got that going for it.
Shannon B. found this one. Not only is it a seriously wonky pumpkin with drippy mold issues, it's also being served on a platter of earthworms. Eeewwww. (Also, what is that thing behind it? A giant yo-yo?)
Then there's the half-pumpkin-wheel with telephone-cord-tailed mice:
Very, er, curly, Melody P. Yeah, that's it: curly.
And lastly, Leilani S. shows us how Krispy Kreme is getting into the spirit of things:
Wow, those pumpkin donuts almost look too good to be true, don't they?
Ah, right: that must be because they are:
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Dirty-Minded Decorators
Thursday, October 23, 2008
[squinting] Although, those balloons look a little odd, don't they? Let's take a closer look...
[eyes bulging] Great Scott! Hide the children!!
And I KNOW you see what I see, people, so don't even try to accuse me of having my mind in the gutter. It's the Fireman cake all over again.
Eric N., thank goodness this was for a safely oblivious 2-year-old. Still, given how obvious those balloons are, I'm pretty sure I'd steer clear of this bakery in the future. Unless it was for a bachelorette party, of course.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Field Wreckporter Lydia A. reports that these insidious body-snatchers have abducted a bevy of ballroom dancers, and are currently terrorizing local bakeries' display cases. They carry the heads of their hapless victims and are often accompanied by disgusting black squid-like creatures, which has prompted at least one 8-year-old boy to declare them "way cool". Readers are encouraged to keep an eye out for these monstrous mini-menaces.
And by the by, these perfectly illustrate my #1 problem with doll cakes: synthetic hair in the frosting = me being reintroduced to breakfast the unpleasant way. Yech.
UPDATE: It's official: y'all are feeling the love for mutant eyeball cakes. Who knew? :)
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Save the Ts AND the Vs
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Ah, such a labor of love. Nothing says "celebration" and "strength" quite like a pepto-pink cake with "Survivor" misspelled across the top. At first I thought that paper cut-out was actually on the cake, too, but my eagle-eyed hubby assures me it's on the plastic lid - thus blocking our view of the white "ribbon". Which is the wrong color. But hey, one ribbon out of two ain't bad.
Fortunately most cancer survivors I know have an amazing sense of humor, so we can hope this cake went to a Cake Wrecks reader who could appreciate its wrecktastic nature.
And while we're on the subject, John would like to register his vote for this to be put on a cake:
Very nice, dear.
(And in case you're curious; that's a car magnet. I found it over on Amazon here.)
Thanks to Amanda H. for the scoop on the cake, originally uploaded here.
Monday, October 20, 2008
It's a Wreck Off!
Monday, October 20, 2008
Well, you leave me no choice. That's right, folks:
IT'S A WRECK OFF.
Now, let's go over the rules again, shall we?
1) Both cakes must be of the same subject matter, and the same basic form or shape.
2) The "winning" Wreck shall be the subject of scorn at company water coolers the world over for exactly one business day: no more, no less.
3) There are no other rules.
And....Begin!
Well, folks, the Pastel Piranha came out swinging, taking full advantage of all that lumpy icing to better showcase its full pound of edible glitter. It's also showing its true colors "airbrush" style, and frankly, I think that creepy smiley face just may take home the prize today.
Ah, but wait, what's this?
OH! A devastating entrance has been made by Crazy Clash!
Wow, just look at that form. The hypnotic swirls, the glistening green slime, the death-pale torso! Crazy Clash may not float like a butterfly, my friends, but its design certainly is stinging my retinas like a particularly feisty bumblebee, I can tell you THAT.
What do you think, readers? Do we have a winner?
Michelle B. and Heather N., don't tell me this was staged: that just takes all the fun out of the sport.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Sunday Sweets: Spooktacular Wedding Cakes
Sunday, October 19, 2008
For the Nightmare Before Christmas fans:
And my personal favorite, for Corpse Bride fans:
If you look closely, you'll see those are delicate blue butterflies floating around the cake. Gorgeous!
And lastly, how cute is this guy?
I think he'd make a perfect wedding favor - that's my excuse for including him in this post, anyway. ;)
Thanks to Amanda C. for the cupcake submission, which was originally uploaded here.
Search This Blog
Wreck the Halls
NEW! Pre-Order Today!
Amazon
|
Barnes & Noble
Borders |
IndieBound
Buy the Book
Buy the NYT Bestseller
What's a Wreck?
What's a Wreck?
A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.
Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)
tabs
- Fan Faves
- The Classics
The Classics
Awards
Praise for the Book
- “Will have you laughing so hard you’ll forget to eat!”— Washington Post
- “a hilarious winner” — The Oregonian
- “a fantastically gut-busting book”— NPR
- “It’s all here, each wreck a disaster of hilarity.” — BookPage.com
- “Hysterically funny!”— Epinions.com
- “laugh-out-loud funny”— The Times
- “Yates’ sharp humor makes the funny even funnier.” — The Dallas Morning News
- “an amazing laugh-out-loud book”— The Book Triblog
What the fans are saying
- "I was laughing so hard, I couldn't catch my breath."
- "As funny as the blog that started it."
- "WAY better than I expected!"
- "Cake Wreckery at its best!"
- "Wrecktastic!"
Awards
- American Mensa:Top 50 Websites of 2010
- Amazon: Top 10 gift books of 2009
- The Orlando Sentinal “Orbbies”: Winner Humor
- 2009 BlogLuxe Awards: Funniest Blog
- 2009 Bloggies: Best Writing of a Weblog, Best New Weblog, Best Food Blog
- The 2008 Weblog Awards: Best Food Blog
- Blogger's Choice 2008 Awards: Best Humor Blog
order
Where's the book?
We don’t have any copies of Cake Wrecks for sale here, autographed or otherwise. We decided the shipping and handling costs would be too high to make it worth your while. So instead, buy your copies locally or online and then order personalized bookplates: it’s cheaper, easier, and I think even looks a bit nicer.
Ordering Info
Payments must be made through Paypal, which accepts all major credit cards. Sorry, but that means no checks or MOs or barter-based chickens.
We ship everything first class USPS, and will do our best to have your package in the mail within 2 days of your order.
Popular This Month
Popular This Month
Archives
-
▼
2008
(232)
-
▼
October
(38)
- Mum's the Word
- Andrew Zimmern Interview
- And Now the Conclusion of The Spider Wreck Chronicles
- The Spider Wreck Chronicles
- Ghosts with the Most, Continued
- Ghosts with the Most
- Sunday Sweets: Autumn Awesomeness in Atlanta
- Great White Snark's Top 5 Awful Dalek Cakes
- Wreckplicas
- Wrecktastic Pumpkin Parade
- Dirty-Minded Decorators
- RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!
- Save the Ts AND the Vs
- It's a Wreck Off!
- Sunday Sweets: Spooktacular Wedding Cakes
- Cheap Interview
- If That's Your "Real" Name
- This Post is Brought to you by the Number 809
- DAA-Dum
- The Wrecky Infamy is Spreading
- Marcus and the New Job
- Confessions of a Cake Wrecker
- Shameless Begging
- E.T. is back...
- Like THIS, Not Like THAT
- Sunday Sweets: Leaping Lego Lizards, Batman!
- Sorry, You Can't Have Any
- Cake Writing 201: "Congratulations"
- What's Better Than a Hockey Wreck?
- A Barry Booty-full Cake
- Game Show Results
- Cake Wrecks the Game Show?
- Sunday Sweets: Super Mario Wedding Cake
- Sadness Takes on Cake Form
- Optimus Wrecks
- THAT...Doesn't Look Like Dirt
- Stop the Insanity!!
- When Decorators Need to Practice Their Roses
-
▼
October
(38)