Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Hey Rab-baht!

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Today, we're going to talk about carrots.

Or more specifically, carrot cake. You see, for hundreds of thousands of years, bakers have been trying to hide the taste of carrots - which is most charitably described as "dirt-like"- by mixing it with truckloads of sugar and cream cheese icing. This makes even the most rancid of vegetables - aka, carrots - slightly less disgusting and, of course, extremely healthy.

But how does a baker, who is bound by law to disclose that his cake actually contains putrid dirt veg, tell his customers without making them want to vomit?

Well, there's always lying:

"That's funny; why do these red velvet cupcakes taste like feet?"

Or making it completely illegible:

"Hm. I feel like these orange arrows are trying to tell me something about my Canb cake. But what could it be?!?"

Or the baker can mangle the shape of the aforementioned foul devil vegetable to confuse people:

"I'm detecting notes of chocolate icing that...? Yes...I think it is! Fetid bunny swill. Huh."

Some have tried tweaking the color to muppet blue:

This way instead of imagining carrots - the ingrown hairs of the earth - in your cake, you can imagine synthetic fur - which is of course a vast improvement.

In the end, though, it's always best to just be honest:

Cak Rot?

Sounds about right to me.

Note: Before the carrot cake coalition comes after me, I should mention that I actually love carrot cake. Carrots, however, are evil like the froo-its of the de-vill. Which just goes to show: if you put enough sugar in something, even the most revolting, repellent, repulsive, sickening, nauseating, stomach-churning, stomach-turning, off-putting, unpalatable, distasteful, foul, nasty, vomitous vegetable known to man can be super duper yummy.

Special thanks to peachesrevenge, Simon L., Nora B., Lacey J., Natasha T., and my Mac Thesaurus, which never lets me down.
«Oldest   ‹Older   201 – 212 of 212   Newer›   Newest»
sunflowereyes said...

Amy from Nashville - "Evil like the froo-it of the de-vil." :D Now you need to go see the movie.

gclyne said...

I love the Axe Murderer reference!! My personal froo-its of the dev-eel are bananas. Until you put them in banana bread, then I'm all about them.

Anonymous said...

"Sorry, but you have it wrong. "The most revolting, repellent, repulsive, sickening, nauseating, stomach-churning, stomach-turning, off-putting, unpalatable, distasteful, foul, nasty, vomitous vegetable known to man" is actually the lima bean."
I beg to differ. I think it's brussels sprouts. *blech!!*
In any case, you've got it all wrong about carrots being gross. Well, in any other country but the USA. Sorry, I love carrots. Here in Australia, they're delicious. In the UK they were lovely too. But in the USA, they were the most disgusting, tasteless, gag-inducing, pathetic excuse for vegetables I've ever eaten. Is it any wonder you can't get your kids to eat them. I love veggies and I refused to eat them too.
So my carrot cake that I make here in Australia is deeeeee-lishy! Only without walnuts because they taste the way mouldy sneakers smell.

Sydney, Australia.

PS: Keep up the great work guys. CakeWrecks never ceases to make me laugh so hard I snort my coffee dowm my nose. One day I'll learn not to eat or drink while viewing. :)

Unknown said...

Have any of these decorators actually ever seen a carrot???!!! LOL

check out my blog:

Anonymous said...

You've been eating the wrong carrots.

STOREBOUGHT carrots do indeed taste like dirt. When they don't taste like plastic.

The carrots we grow out back taste sweet, crunchy and delicious. You almost wouldn't think they're the same vegetable.

Anonymous said...

Did you just quote "So I Think I Married An Axe Murderer"?! :D

Becca said...

I actually like carrots, nice raw carrots that have been peeled and washed are delicious and pretty sweet for a vegetable. Carrot cake is of course even better. =)

Ange said...

I love carrot cake, but not as much as I love the fact that you used something from the movie "So I married an axe murderer" to describe your hatred of carrots themselves.

Theatre Geek said...

Did you know that carrots are not naturally orange? Orange is a manufactured color of carrots (I think it was for the House of Orange). Blue, however, is a naturally color of carrots. There's even a carrot museum.

Best carrot cake I've had is one without nuts and made with carrot baby food! So smooth and so good!

The Whiz Kid Forte said...

Jen, I have read on several websites that the dreaded carrot cake can be covered in fondant! Like, who needs a vegetable-free, fondant-study cake when you can have Bugs Bunny's food of choice?

anoniem said...

I'm exactly the other way 'round. I love carrots (raw mostly), but absolutely detest it as a cake.
Pumpkin all the same. I like it as soup, or roasted, but pumpkin pie... eech!

supernarwhal said...

Kakarot cake! I know what I'm having for my birthday this year!

«Oldest ‹Older   201 – 212 of 212   Newer› Newest»