And more importantly: if we ask, will they share?After all, anyone who makes something like this:
(Blueberry iced cupcakes topped with wrapped cinnamon gum? Score!)...is clearly beyond the party-pooping cares of "reality."
In fact, sometimes I come across a cake so bizarre, so insane, so what-were-they-thinking?? nuts, that I have no choice but to tip the ol' metaphorical hat in respect.
A Styrofoam cup embedded in mold-flecked balls of yellow "soda" surrounded by a poo wall?[tipping hat] Well played, master Wreckerator. Well played.
Megan A., Desiree C., & Amber T., I wouldn't recommend zooming in on that "soda" unless you're on a diet.
- Related Wreckage: Merci!
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Other than wincing at the sheer enormity of the (?)dog-riding clown's crotch, I really have nothing else to say....
Except "don't eat the yellow snow".
A maniacal clown riding a poop dog. *shudder*
Huh?????????
I don't even know if these are wrecks. They're more of a surrealist art form. Blue-iced cupcakes with sticks of gum on top? Wow.
"Soda"? I think we've just moved into some parallel universe.
thinking they were going for movie popcorn with the soda one perhaps? or maybe that is just giving too much credit!
WTF???? Are they dropping acid while decorating?
My question is not so much WHAT they are doing, but WHY!!! Would THEY take that cake home? I remember walking by the bakery in the grocery store and being amazed at all the beautiful cakes...sometimes my amazement is now something totally different, as you well point out. :-)
I just don't understand, what is it about poo that makes cake decorators use it so much.
Woo hoo a clown riding a poop Yorkie?? to the finish line? Yea pass whatever your having..I wont even get into the yellow ball soda cup floating in poo YUCK
dear gawd almighty.
come on poopie! hurry up! we're almost to the finish line!
perhaps the trident is to help remove the blue icing stains on your teeth after eating those cupcakes?!
moldy yellow globs of god-knows-what?! it's beyond comprehension.
great wrecks today. just great.
Laughing hysterically makes you squint a bit - thus the gum on the cupcakes looked a bit like bacon to me.
Blueberry and Bacon - YUUUUMMMMM!!!!
WV - demsh
Demsh be shome nashty cakesh dude!
Yay Mystery cake! I suppose the idea is to solve the mystery perhaps?
Well, those cakes sure are making me thirsty for some soda. And then I can chew some Trident gum to get the poo dog out of my teeth!
For one brief, shining moment I thought, "well, they did a good job with the cup, anyway." Until it occurred to me that why yes, someone *would* in fact put a real disposable cup onto a cake as decor.
Lovely. How come the last one looks like it has peep bodies?
I'm pretty sure the yellow junk with the soda cup is meant to be popcorn. So clearly, it's a cake of a movie theatre floor.
Ew.
Yellow soda might have been better.
At first glance, I thought the cupcakes had bacon on them, so gum actually doesn't seem so bad.
I like how they labeled the Styrofoam cup.
Maybe the gum one is for a dentist party? They'll eat the sugar and then use the gum to feel better about it?
Maybe I'm reaching here, but could the last one be a bucket of popcorn and a soda for a movie-themed party? Am I reaching too far? Yeah, I probably am...
Honestly I thought the gum was bacon...lol
The first one is clearly a clown riding a bantha.
Is there really any flavor of gum that *would* jive with blueberry icing?
I don't understand. Please tell me their were special pills that made them do it. A dog-riding clown race? Trident topped cupcakes? A styrofoam cup on a bed of mold?
Blueberry, gum cupcakes? A bargain at $7.49? Apparently a "different" kind of smoking break at that bakery..
I too thought the gum was bacon at first- cupcakes for hipsters riding the bacon band wagon. But upon closer inspection, is it just me or does the cinnamon gum/blueberry frosting look like it's on top of chocolate cupcakes? How many flavors can you get in one "treat"? Scuze me while I barf now...
My first thought on the blueberry cupcakes was bacon (no...it can't be...), then my second thought were those fat pretzel sticks (oh come on...why would they put pretzels on cupcakes?). I was forced to zoom in on the image and gazed in silent wonder at GUM on cupcakes. Gum!! I just don't get the whole cupcake decor thing at all. My kids love it when they get toys and rings on cupcakes, and I shudder when I see them cheerfully sucking the frosting off their plastic toys so they can play with or wear them.
This post and the one from yesterday just go to prove something: just because you can hold a pastry bag and own an airbrush does not mean you have any clue as to what a good cake looks like or how to make one. There are some decorators out there that should just be slapped.
Glad to see I'm not the only one who thought the gum was bacon, heh. I am also glad I wasn't drinking my milk as I waited for the page to load. I've learned my lesson there!
I'm thinkin' that these cakes were done as therapy in a mental hospital. Or maybe I'm just hoping that they were....
Can that first monstrosity even be considered a cake? It looks like a mound of frosting topped with insane clown horror.
Wow,these are so bad!!! I can't get past the scary bloated clown atop a poo-Yeti.
And what's with the gum?!
Just how much cake is under that poo-dog riding clown? Is there anything actually THERE?
BRB, throwing up
"ingstica" - the sound I made while retching after looking at these vakes
I'd like to beg you to admit you are making these cakes up.
I think I'd feel better about the future of the planet. :)
When I first glanced at the second pic, I thought the trident strips were pieces of bacon. In which case it would not be a wreck, it would be an awesome. Alas, after my eyes focused I saw they were trident strips. So yeah: wreck.
At least they wouldn't have to throw away all that gum when it expires next week.
Noooo Jen, I don't think it's cinnamon flavored, it's like this orangey citrus called "Tropical Twist". I'm like 90% sure on this. At least it makes more sense than cinnamon.
A Yorkie won the Westminster dog show...I doubt his owner was a part-time clown...but...you never know.
funny... I thought the gum was bacon also!
and the yellow stuff looks like melted peeps to me
bizarre!
That first one looks like a nightmare after a night of bad pizza.
WEIRD...that's all I've got to say.
agirlinherkitchen.blogspot.com
Imagine, if you will, a shelf full of creepy clowns... all riding different poo animals... racing towards a finish line that never seems to materialize...and you realize that you have entered the Twilight Bakery Zone.
Cupcakes, gum, soda, and popcorn are available at our concession stand...enjoy the race!!
A garish drunken clown monster riding a poop dog?
- I'll have one of whatever the baker's on please
One pill makes you larger
And one pill makes you small
And the ones that mother gives you
Don't do anything at all
Go ask Alice
When she's ten feet tall
And if you go chasing rabbits
And you know you're going to fall
Tell 'em a hookah smoking caterpillar
Has given you the call
Call Alice
When she was just small
When men on the chessboard
Get up and tell you where to go
And you've just had some kind of mushroom
And your mind is moving slow
Go ask Alice
I think she'll know
When logic and proportion
Have fallen sloppy dead
And the White Knight is talking backwards
And the Red Queen's "off with her head!"
Remember what the dormouse said;
"Keep YOUR HEAD
_______________
Keep your head"
Dog? That's obviously a canine-centipede hybrid--that, or the kitchen has some serious radioactivity contamination.
I want to know where the bottom half of the clown went. Is this some sort of new Karnie Special Olympics event?
Based on the picture plus the comments, the last one makes me want to see what happens when you pour soda over peeps.
So when I was in college, a friend of mine and I started to use the word "cake" instead of "clueless" (long story, I'll share it with you some other time if you're interested) as in, "I'm totally cake about what that professor wanted for that assignment." It stuck, and my husband & I still use it to this day.
Now, today, it takes on a whole new meaning and gravity. I am totally cake about these cakes.
According to my 10 year old daughter:
1- I think it's a clown... on a pig?
2- Bacon on cupcakes???
3- Supposed to be movie themed... like popcorn and soda. I have no idea.
hee hee kids are great.
What on earth inspired the wrapped sticks of cinnamon gum??? On a cupcake with blueberry icing!?!? What the frick!! WHAT ARE THEY THINKING!??!?!?
The 'soda' cake - a new low in putting cruddy plastic crap on cakes.
The 'clown' cake - a bad dream I once had when I mixed illegal pharmaceuticals with Red Bull and baked beans.
The 'gum' cake - bacon would have been an improvement . . .
And to think I was shaking my head in amazement at the wreck at my Wal-Mart last week (didn't have my camera - pout) that was a CCC shaped and painted to look like a fire hydrant. That was high art compared to these.
Cakewrecks - the only thing that can wring a smile out of me these days, thank you Jen and all the wreckers out there!
I think these are all exhbiits for a new modern art museum. Yeah... that's it.
Ok, I think I may understand the concepts:
The clown riding the pooh Yorkie and the blue cupcakes with gum on them are either some sort of private joke or symbols of an unknown holiday [like festivus] that are going to break out any time.
The third picture is a poorly rendered popcorn--perhaps some sort of movie cake? Which may be better or worse than those 'Twilight' cakes you posted earlier...perhaps they ran out of black and red frosting.
I think it's time we all would have better understood *actual* bacon on the cupcakes. It'd be like an art project then.
As for what gum flavor does go with blueberry frosting (not cinnamon) - I vote for BlueBerry gum (Lotte). That has always been one of my favorite. Though I don't like frosting and would just go for the gum.
YEEHAW POO DOGGIE!
And all these years I kept thinking "I could have done that a little better" when in reality I just needed to get a job at a bakery!!!
I have to come clean. I admit. I would be tempted to buy these for the sheer hilarity of it. It's the same reason I love to watch the men figure skaters and their interesting choice of outfits.
That first one WOULD be an excellent way to celebrate a recently potty-trained kid or someone battling constipation?? ("Yay! You finished!")
That soda cake just helped me a lot since i gave up soda for Lent.
Perhaps I'd give it up permanently if i actually had to eat it.
Ewww.
I think I figured out the gum topped blueberry cupcakes. I may be going out on a limb here, but my brain aches for some sort of logic. They were supposed to be ocean themed cupcakes. Perhaps someone ordered them wanting tridents on them for their Under the Sea party. So naturally...our dear ol Grocery Store Wreckerator put Trident on them...oh 2 pieces since it did say Tridents!
-Leash
I thought you were joking about the mold on the last cake, and that the flecks were just green frosting. Until I viewed the enlarged image :(
Truly a WTF moment from the bakery.
Oh my. I love that that last one looks like it's in a petri dish. Because, really, that needs to be put under a microscope and studied! :)
I want to know who is buying these cakes. I want names, numbers, and sizes for the straighjackets.
Seriously, blueberry icing? (look at the research...blueberries are GOOD for you.) And a two-fer dessert for the after dinner gum. (cinnamon? really?)
And what pray tell happens to the dog when it gets the psycho clown to the finish line?
Not even sure what to do with the soda.
WV - Parasaxes
A tool used by a paradox.
The thing that particularly horrifies me about that first cake is that not only does it feature a legless clown jockey on a poop dog, but the poop dog appears to be racing in what I can only hope is supposed to be a mud puddle.
Also, why is the cake on a floor?
All I want to know is in this economy, how are these people getting and *keeping* their jobs?
Poo dog. If they know they can't make a dog look realistic, why do they even bother?
WHERE are you people shopping that you find these things??? I hope the deals you are presumably getting are worth it! :)
--kate
Oh Jen, why did you have tell us NOT to zoom in on the "soda"?
Cos guess what I just had to do....
BLEEEEUUUUUURRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH
I can just picture the back story of the blue cupcakes. How many bets they were supposed to have multi-coloured gum balls placed on top? How many bets they ran out of gum balls in their supplies? I'm picturing the baker asking the supervisor what do do because they'd run out of gum balls, only to be told "We're in a grocery store... go find something". Picking up sprinkles from the cake aisle would mean thinking... so the baker went to the candy aisle and picked up the only gum they have in a grocery store... a multi-pack of Trident LOL
I get a kick out of this blog since I work in a bakery.
Cupcakes "assorted 12 pack"--assorted cupcakes or assorted gum? the cupcakes look the same. I thought they were bacon too. either way, duh-yuck.
Styrofoam cup labled "soda" smooshed into a moldy peep pile (on a poop discus?)
did anyone notice there's no price on that one? how can we be sure that really is a cake? what if they just put the plastic cover on it to "contain" the mess. i like the theory that's a specimen of the movie theater floor....
the crazy, puffy, half clown riding the poo-dog with silly string reins. to a "fiwish" line. is it some sort of special olympics circus? with only one competitor? with poo issues? and why is the "cake" on the floor? (thanks for pointing that out...i didn't notice the carpet at first.)
reminds me of "Better Off Dead" when Lane's mother's food was always slightly alive. the iridiescent goop with raisins crawled off his plate....maybe they expect the same of this "dog" clown hybrid thing...
wv. teldax--what you need after you eat pooh dogs, clowns, moldy peeps and blueberry icing.
btw, I LOVE the theory about the ocean themed cupcakes with "tridents". sheer genius!
Well, it didn't help that I was reading the clown cake upside down, either. "HSNIY"? Wazzat?
Of course, now that I see it says "FINISH" I'm really no more enlightened than I was before.
Yup, soda cup, peeps stomped into brown painted cracked cement flooring, green mold spots. Real appetizing. Oh. and label the styrofoam cup w/black marker just in case someone gets the insane idea it's fondant.
Time to hit I-Hop and order some blueberry crepes w/a side of bacon
WV: Biert > beer + art + more beer + frosting bag.
where do you find these things? The first one makes me cringe..eww
What ARE they doing in the bakeries? Crack?
The real question here is that with high unemployment, bakery managers should be able to be very picky about who they staff. It looks like they are hiring anyone with a pulse.
Please, people, if you are that bad with a tube of icing, get a different job. Like delivering newspapers or something.
*insert emphatic whinning, likened to that of a two year old, here* "No, no! Cake Wrecks! You have it *all wrong*! The first picture is a melting clown aboard an over-fed centipede, the middle one is blueberry topped with, *yes*, bacon strips -adorable and marketable, huh?!-, and the last is a hoplessly distorted styrofoam cup surrounded by molding hard boiled egg yokes that could've used refrigeration...like...decades ago." So see? It's all about perspective!!! :) Three cheers for cakes are so gross the decorative interpretations are endless; forget about wondering about the *actual cake* inside. Yeah. Good stuff. Hee hee.
Uhm... bzuh?
RE the last one, I thought at first it was supposed to be a bunch of tennis balls, but even if they were, that doesn't explain the random styrofoam cup...
I really don't know wth that last one is supposed to be, but I'm guessing the mold is unintentional. Or maybe I'm hoping. One or the other.
And I, too, first thought the Trident on the cupcakes was bacon. Flashed back to the scene in Better Off Dead where the mother boiled the bacon...
You lot are just cracking me up, as usual - but please, from someone outside of the USA who's just dying to know - what are 'peeps'?
OMG, has that clown been disemboweled?
The last one looked like someone had accidentally spilled a cup full of half melted "peeps!"
And, I'm just not convinced that the poop dog isn't really a George Lucas creation...
Here is a link to a great photo using Peeps as pop art:
http://madsilence.files.wordpress.com/2008/03/david-ottogallli-turns-peeps-into-pop-art.jpg
Essentially, Peeps are marshmallow blobs formed into chick shapes (or bunnies) then dusted with fine colored sugar in various colors. Google "Peeps" and look at some of the images. Jen even did a Peep wedding cake some time back. They are a solid hit of Easter time sugar for little kids.
For Anonymous not in the US: Peeps are brightly colored, usually pink or yellow, sugar coated marshmallows shaped like baby chickens (the baby chickens are called peeps). Rabbits or bunnies are also available... these are seasonal items for Easter. I think they are digusting, but not any worse than that cake.
At first look, after I gagged, I thought it was a soda cup with popcorn..BUT WHY????? would there be a cake decorated like THAT?
These cakes are beyond bizarre!
I'm with Michelle P. I was sure it was blueberry frosting with either bacon or mini roasted hot dogs...
So getting fussy here, but FINISH is facing the wrong dang way! C'mon people! Reality check!!
aquasaline
Baby Mowhawk Carrot Jockeys are soooooooo yesterday. They have passed the torch to the Drunken Clowns on a Poo Pile.............nah, still like the Mohwawk Babies...........
Ahhh... "What are Peeps?" someone queried...
ANSWER: What AREN'T Peeps? They are impossible to explain..they are ethereal beings from Indestructibleland...enduring,everlasting..incorruptible...
The thing fairy tales are woven from...but we can't tell you; you simply MUST procure some, at any cost, and experience them for yourself. ((SIGH))
Now, to the Anon who made a reference to men's figure skating: I find some of the costumes simply heavenly--my favorite skater is Johnny Weir. He is SO AWESOME!!! Totally HIMSELF. Beautiful!
Finally-- mystery solved, guys: the foam cup was not *supposed* to be there!
I KNOW, because when I walked by that cake in the store, I had just finished drinking the soda, and couldn't find a trash recepticle handy...
("Ahhhhh, so THAT was it!" you all exclaim.)
>^u.u^<
I get headaches while reading this blog from laughing so hard, while trying to silence my laughter, so that my husband doesn't think I have lost my mind! The commentary is priceless. You are BRILLIANT!
Yeah, I thought someone was feeding soda to a bunch of thirsty peeps.
I think that would have been a better cake anyway, with little peep beaks open, clamoring thirstily for (probably) generic soda....
Look at the first one. Was that joker? lolz ;D
Jules
Soloden.Com
The Brown Mestizo
When I think blueberries and gum, I think Willy Wonka. "You're turning Violet, Violet!"
But I digress. I cannot think of any circumstance where I wish I had a cupcake with blueberry icing...much less topped with gum!
Holy cake wrecks, Batman... so glad that I don't have to sift through your e-mail, you guys...
Hahahaha! Hey, let's drop acid and make some cakes!
I love the comments in here today, but I have to suggest that if one were to drop acid, look at any of these cakes, and then do anything related to Alice in Wonderland, one might never be able to find the way home again. :D
A creepy clown riding poop?
Somebody somewhere just lost a bet. I'm pretty sure the bet was "I can make a cake more inexplicable than you can." As such, the winner is now laughing hysterically while posting a video of the loser doing something very unbaker-like such as actually eating the poo dog clown combo. (or the blueberry trident cupcakes) I'm pretty sure the soda one is radioactive.
At least I hope these are the result of a really bad bet compounded with large quantities of alochol, (or whatever).
Now instead of just a fear of clowns thanks to Stephen King.. I fear clowns riding poop dogs and any bakery that can possibly think I would want to eat that..
Is is sad that all I can focus on is the fact that those very bizarre cupcakes are sold by the pound?
Was the wreckerator trying to make them weigh more by adding the gum on top?
My husband took one look at the clown-riding-poo-dog, started belting out "Ride of the Vakyries" (kill da wabbit!!) and said, "I'm not kidding - it's the clown of the apocalypse!"
How can I argue with that?
They do random drug testing at my bakery/place of employment. Probably to prevent this kind of thing.
Damn.
Somehow getting really stoned around all that icing sounds really fun!
And what exactly is the giant poo dog riding clown torso "finishing"?
As a cake-whore who is currently trying not to eat sweets...these cakes make it very easy :)
I really, really, really, really, really, really, REALLY, don't get that "soda" cake. I have nothing else to say. I'm baffled.
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAH!!!!. That clown, racing the dog(?)bunny (?) hairy monster (??) I can't stop laughing.
I'm gonna go ahead and say this is the most WTF worthy post in CW history. Ho.ly. crap.
I am not a fan of clowns to begin with...so clown wrecks certainly don't help with that! :)
I...I have no words. Except those. Thank you for making my day just a little more surreal.
FYI, Trident does in fact have a blueberry flavored gum (Wild Blueberry Twist) which I'm thinking is what is on the cupcakes. That said, it still is not an excuse to put gum on a cupcake. Eww. Bacon would almost be better.
I also am wondering what the poo-hound clown duo is racing or running from. Maybe attack of the moldy popcorn/soda poo platter?
These are disturbing... and that last one almost looks photoshopped it is so mind-blowing.
A clown riding a poo-dle!
I like how they labeled the cup, but evidently that isn't what needed to be labeled. They shoulda labeled the yellow junk.
A clown riding a Dog. Why o why? Crazy stuff. What were you smoking? lol xx
My four year old and I have been looking at all the "professional" cakes here and he's coming up with some great ideas about these cakes. The clown riding the giant dog across the finish line is for "'Clown Day' celebrated only by people in the circus, because that's the only place you can see a dog that big"