This Made Me Laugh 'Til I Cried

So I was putzin' around on google image search, looking at cakes, of course, when I stumbled across this picture:

Which, you know, made me kind of curious.

So I went to the originating site of the photo and read the corresponding blog post. It's written by Scott of Basic Instructions, which you should definitely check out sometime. Anyway, by the time I finished reading his post I was crying with laughter, and I knew I could not post his cake photo without the whole story attached. I e-mailed him and got his permission, and so without further ado, here it is:

"I had a day job as an office manager for the Seattle office of an international firm. We found out that one of our employees was transferring to one of our offices in China. When one of our people would leave, we usually had a little wing-ding with drinks and cake on the departing employee's last Thursday in the office, so on Tuesday it fell to me to fax a cake order into our nearest Costco Bakery.

I should point out that on that day I had a headache so bad that it hurt to move my eyes. Ordering the cake was the last thing I did before I went home sick for the afternoon. As I filled out the order form, I realized that in addition to the personalized message ("Good Luck in China," in this case) we could also get a large decoration for no extra charge. I looked at the options and none of them were appropriate. They were all things like teddy bears, balloons, or race cars. Crap, in other words. I figured if none of them were appropriate, I might as well get something that made no sense whatsoever.

I put a check mark next to the word "Fireman."

The next morning (Wednesday), lying in bed just before getting up, my mind wandered over the previous day and all the things I had accomplished. My eyes snapped open as I thought, "What did I do!? Why did I order a fireman? That makes no sense!!! I'm going to look like an idiot!"

I went to work, intent on calling the Costco as soon as they opened and stopping the cake before it started. I still had a day before I was supposed to pick it up. I figured that should be plenty of time. After some effort, I got hold of the bakery manager, only to be told that the cake had already been made. It was too late. I figured I'd just have to stand up straight and take it like a man.

My wife and I went to Costco to pick up the cake. When I got to the bakery, this is what was waiting for me.

(see above picture)

Making the hose flesh-toned had been a very bad move.

At first all I could do was blink at it and wonder, "Am I the only one who sees a giant wang?" I looked at my wife. She was blinking at the cake. An awkward silence and a few stammered sentences later we established that we both saw the same thing. A fireman holding an immense, dripping wang.

I could not serve this cake to my coworkers.

My first thought was that I would just absorb the cost of a second cake and pretend this never happened. Then I thought, "Wait a minute! This is not an erotic bakery! This is Costco! I should be able to order any stupid cake I want and be confident that it will not be sexually charged."

While at the checkout line I found a Costco employee to complain to, and showed him the cake. He blinked at it. I told him I was uncomfortable serving this cake at a place of business, and he started laughing and looking relieved.

Here’s what I came to realize about the cake. The obscene image was just obvious enough that you can't help but recognize it, but also obviously innocent enough that you don't want to say anything for fear that you're the only one who sees it.

Soon I was surrounded by several Costco employees who were looking at the cake and laughing. They explained that they had a new cake decorator who was a deeply religious woman from a foreign country, as if that explained everything. At one point while we were hammering out a settlement a woman happened by, caught a glimpse of the cake, covered her mouth and gasped. Good stuff."

CW's Biggest Fans?

If you want me to get a huge goofy grin on my face, just send me a picture like this:

Amy P. made this hilarious - and yet absolutely adorable - Wreckplica (see the original here) for a friend's baby shower. I think she greatly improved upon the design, don't you?

I love how they just moved the limbs in towards the center as they served it, too:

[snicker]

I also got an e-mail from Rose this week. Rose tells me that she and her hubby Paul are CW's #1 fans, and so for their wedding reception they teamed up with another CW fan, Stacie - who happens to be a professional baker - and designed THIS beauty:


Don't miss the little carrots on the sides- those are Rose's favorite part. The "Rise n Pail" is a thoroughly butchered version of their names, by the way, and "Happy Weeding" is an homage to this classic Wreck. And, of course, there's the bizarre photo montage - that's a work of art in itself.

And while I'm at it, I can't believe I never got around to posting what Wreck's reader Mary Beth made:

How's that for loyalty - she even listed the site address!! Mary Beth, you are a Wreck star, no doubt about it. (For the Wreck, go here.)

I have lots more fan-made goodies stashed away, but here are just a few more favorites:

Kristi B. made this during a cake class. The only thing better than a Wreckplica is a little Wrecky lingo! (Next stop: Webster's.)

And finally, with a CW homage cake to end all CW homage cakes, we have Katy N.'s submission:

A little context: there are apparently a lot of Wreckies at Katy's workplace, so when the time came to throw a party for four ladies who were getting married, they decided to incorporate as many of their favorite Wrecks into one cake as possible (plus a 4-headed bride). They printed out all the relevant blog entries and found a willing (and surprisingly skilled) decorator at a local bakery.

So, how many Wrecks do YOU recognize?

(Hint: he's on a bear skin rug. Bigger hint: go here.)

Remember the infamous Fireman cake?


And - could it be? Yes, yes it could! - the Cake Head Diet Aid!!

(That's a picture of one of the grooms.)

And don't forget Darth Vader, the "At least you're pretty" line, and all the "lovely" airbrushing. Wow. You guys really outdid yourselves, Katy - and kudos to the decorator for playing along so well!


- Related Wreckage: Carrot Jockeys Make Excellent Ground Troops

Fan "Art"

This Halloween, why not add a little personality to your pumpkin?

Harry F. carved this little beauty. Disturbing-yet-fabulous, no?

And Lauren was inspired by both the famous belly cakes and Suzy's Wreck to create her own CW tribute costume:

And yes, she's pregnant. That's what makes it so horribly good.

And finally, I'm pleased to announce that I've finally solved the mystery of this little guy:

Several of you sent in pictures of the above cake topper spotted at a cake show some weeks back. (It's good to know that the sight of something this disturbing brings me immediately to mind. Heh.)

Here's another angle:

As you can see, this is a figure of a middle-aged guy in boxers and a mohawk riding a carrot. Trouble was, no one could tell me who made it, or even which cake show it appeared at, so I was left to wonder if the baker responsible meant to do a sneaky homage to CW, or was just plain nuts.

Well, not too long ago, I got a delightful e-mail from the cake's creator, Burton (also responsible for the fabulous Frankenstein wedding cake), and I got my answer: he's both.

Here's his explanation:

"I am convinced that it is only a matter of time before Cake Wrecks inspired cakes get their own category at cake shows. Since I am usually very far behind the curve on most things (current affairs, fashion, street slang, which fork to use…) I thought I would try to get ahead of the curve on this one. So I decided to enter a competition cake partially inspired by the Cake Wrecks blog. And why go half way? I entered it in Kerry Vincent’s own Oklahoma State Sugar Arts Show."

Yes, Burton made a middle-aged half-naked mohawk-man carrot jockey for Kerry Vincent. Told you he was nuts.

Here's the whole cake, with Burton's notes:

See the little fireman's hat? That's an ode to yet another famous classic Wreck.

Wondering how the crowd reacted? [evil snicker] Burton, fill us in on all the gory details.

"Public opinion did not favor this entry. Every time I saw anyone approach my cake they would immediately exclaim, 'Oh, look at the cute pumpkin scarecrow cake!' and then pass my cake by on their way to see the cute pumpkin scarecrow cake that was several entries down the table. My entry did get high marks from Craig Gustafson of American Cake Decorating Magazine, though, and the judges gave it first place in its category —take that, cute pumpkin scarecrow cake!"

And just because I had fun reading it, here's the rest of his e-mail:

"After the judging I spoke with one of the judges who admitted that most of them didn’t know the significance of the carrot until Bronwen Weber set them straight. [Bronwen rocks.] I actually got to meet and make a fool of myself in front of Bronwen as well as Kerry Vincent and several other celebrity decorators. While I may not have made a fool of myself in front of Jennifer Matsubara, I at least left her convinced that I am very creepy, if the look in her eyes and the speed with which she backed away were any indication." [Hah!]

"I just thought I would let you know how something as sweet and innocent as the naked, mohawk-baby carrot jockey can be twisted and perverted in the wrong hands. Mine."

The good thing, Burton, is that most of us are just twisted enough to love you for doing this, so it's all good. Wreck on, my friend. Wreck. On.

(Still trying to figure out what the deal is with the carrot jockeys? Well, I don't have much of an answer for you, but you can start by going here.)

Your Turn!

I've been letting your fan-made wreck-creations build up again in the inbox, guys, so let's get right to some of my favorite submissions from the past month or two:

First, the world-famous Carrot Jockeys continue in their quest for world domination:

From Katie B.

From Janet C.

From Teri B.

And here Julie K. commissioned the prettiest jockey cake EVER from High Tea Bakery:

A more adorable vegetable rodeo has never been had.

(Psst. Guys. You're going backwards.)


Steven B.'s special order made me laugh:

As did Cat T.'s bee-YOO-tiful 3D Fireman of "Good Luck in China" fame:

This next one is left over from the holidays, but I had to show you Aimee M.'s great Sandra Lee Kwanzaa cake experiment:

She made it, appropriately enough, as the Feat of Strength for her Festivus celebration. I think two people had to keep eating it until one gagged. Or something. Heh.

On a happier - if still visually disturbing - note:

This, my friends, is a fan-made wreck-creation of one of my all time favorite engagement wrecks. It's also how Jen L.'s boyfriend proposed to her. All together now: Awwwww!


But wait - what's this? My wrecky senses are tingling... I feel like someone else is using the severed hand cake to propose. Who is it? WHO?

(Made by Cakes by Karen)

Mark H., you sly dog, you. Who could say no to a carrot jockey cupid?

Hopefully not you, Wendy Lu.

{UPDATE: Yes, she said yes!}

[sniff] My little wreckies are all growing up and getting married and stuff! [wiping tear] I'm just so...so proud. Love, sprinkles, and "congralatulatons" to you all. And be sure to send pics of the wedding cakes. [evil grin]


So, punk, you think your tribute Wreck is good enough? Huh? Then send it in, and let me be the judge of that.

Dirty-Minded Decorators

Aw, look at the sweet cake for Sarah-Maude's second birthday:


[squinting] Although, those balloons look a little odd, don't they? Let's take a closer look...

[eyes bulging] Great Scott! Hide the children!!

And I KNOW you see what I see, people, so don't even try to accuse me of having my mind in the gutter. It's the Fireman cake all over again.

Eric N., thank goodness this was for a safely oblivious 2-year-old. Still, given how obvious those balloons are, I'm pretty sure I'd steer clear of this bakery in the future. Unless it was for a bachelorette party, of course.

Wreckies of the Month

It's been a while since we featured the handiwork our noble and crafty henchpersons, so here, without further ado, is what had us in stitches this month:

Get it? Stitches? Eh?

(Wait. Does crochet use "stitches?" )

This was made by Regina W., who was inspired by the classic Cycloptic Smiley Clover of Despair.

(What, you don't remember the Cycloptic Smiley Clover of Despair? How could you forget the Cycloptic Smiley Clover of Despair?!? The Cycloptic Smiley Clover of Despair is a classic. CLASSIC, I say!)

Next we have a slightly more edible homage, which the lucky Becky F. received for her birthday:

Gotta love the ring of "sprinkles."

Then there's, uh, this:

This baby shower cake is actually a Wreck to the third power: Sharon K. made the Jockey homage for her sister's shower, but en route to the party had a brake-slamming incident which resulted in...well, what you see here. Good thing they were already going for a Wreck, huh? :D

Laura M., ran into the most bizarre problem I've ever heard of while trying to order her own Wreck homage: the bakery told her they couldn't do anything, and I quote, that the "Cake Wreckers do, because that's a trademark."

Note to bakers: yes, you can, and no, it's not. (Well, the name is, sure, but feel free to use the popular stuff like "I want sprinkles" or "falker satherhood.")

So, left with no other choice, Laura made her own cake wreck:

And what a lovely wreck it is, too. :)

Next we have Megan T.'s gravity-defying homage:

Megan would like to point out that the jockeys are riding candy corn, thereby making them seasonably appropriate. And also tasty.

By now I'm sure you are all familiar with the classic Good Luck in China/Fireman cake. (And if not, go read Scott's story immediately.) Well, when Jenni T. got a new job, her colleagues made her some impressively wrecky versions of said classic:

There were actually two more, but these were the most amusing. ;)

And finally, Max from Freed's Bakery in Las Vegas put together a fun video of a little literal cake wrecking. Check it out:

Looks like fun. Well, except for the icing-in-the-hair part. [shudder]

Have something wrecks-related to show us? Then send it in! We just might post it. And we even promise not to mock your efforts. Much.