What's in a Name?

And that's how embarrassing nicknames are born, boys and girls! (There's one for the scrapbook, eh, Beth S.?)




Well, Gabe Z., you have to admit that "Jason" is a really rare and hard-to-spell name - especially here in the U.S.



I suppose if the baby had been named Joey, or if this was a shower for a baby kangaroo, the inscription would have been fine. Unfortunately, neither of those was the case.

On an unrelated note: I totally want to reach into the picture and rip off those silly plastic balloons. And on an even more unrelated note: is that a chicken foot in the upper right-hand corner? What the heck, Leah T.?

Cupcake Cakes: Always Wrecktastic. Always.

I've recently been accused of hatin' on the cupcake cakes. Alright, you got me: I guess I can't hide the truth any longer, and it's time for me to come clean. [sigh] Ok, here goes:

Hi, my name is Jen, and I hate cupcake cakes.

Why? 'Cuz they're ugly.

Don't believe me? Keep reading.

For Shara's birthday her son asked the baker to make a "happy monkey cake" ala Curious George. Now, as a reminder for those of us who haven't watched Saturday morning cartoons in a while, here's what Curious George looks like:


And here's what Shara got for her birthday cake:



So apparently what the decorator heard was "Curious George after he's been flattened by a cement truck". That, or maybe he/she was going for an homage to Teen Wolf:


After he was flattened by a cement truck.


Yes, I understand that in concept these things are great: no clean-up, equal portions, blah blah blah, but in execution I've yet to see a nice one that wouldn't give you blue poo.


Wait - I have to take that back. If you happen to want a skinned Spiderman face, then you're going to love Alyson B.'s birthday cake:

All it's missing are little pegs holding down the edges of his mask. (Yeah, let's call it a mask; that's less disturbing than "face skin".)


Or how about this appetizing little number?

According to Mei L., this is supposed to say "Ojai! It's worth the drive!". Now, I would love to ask what the heck "Ojai" is, but I'm way too distracted by the poo souffle on the bottom. Honestly, this thing is in serious competition with the moldy camo cake in my "dry-heave-inducing" category.


What's that? You're still not convinced that cupcake-cakes are always wreckalicious? Oh, I get it: you're saying these designs have been too complicated, right? That a simpler design would look better?

Something, for example, like this?


Ah, you're right. This IS better. I mean, "round" is a concept obviously beyond the decorator's grasp, but at least she stuck with plain white frosting. Nik P. was the manager on duty at the bakery where this was ordered (and subsequently rejected). He writes, "As the manager on duty, I immediately took the appropriate action: I took a picture to post on the internet."

I like your thinking, Nik.


Have I convinced you yet? No? Ok, my last argument, at least for today's post:

Monique R. sent in this "creative" gem taken by Jen S. You can see that Pokey's head was obviously tacked on as an afterthought: it's not even on the cake board. Plus, the angle of his face makes it look like someone twisted his unnaturally long neck 180 degrees; last I checked, turtles don't walk around facing the sky. From the giant American flag he's resting on, I would assume this was taken around the 4th of July or Memorial Day, both holidays known for their inclusion of... turtles. Erm. Yeah.

Come to the Cupcake-Cake-Hating-Side. We have real cakes.

Wall-E, the Cake Wreck(er)

I often give the cakey wreckitude a rest on Sundays, but then I thought, hey, instead of skipping a day's post, why not feature amazing NON-Wrecks instead? After all, it's nice to be reminded that cake decorating is not merely an outlet for the illiterate, color-blind, and taste-challenged: there are some real masters of the art out there. I can't promise I'll do this every week, so just think of this as the occasional chocolate chip in the chocolate "muffin" (ie bald cupcake) that is Wrecks.

Ok, enough intro. Without further ado, I give you the amazing Wall-E:


Yes, he's cake. And he's life-sized. How sweet is that?

Check out the B&L logo and uber realistic "rust" on the fire extinguisher. Now this is how you use an airbush, guys.



These are my personal photos - hence the watermarks. They were taken at this year's national ICES convention in Orlando, Florida, and I'd love your help in identifying the bakers responsible.

UPDATE: Ah, my readers come through for me again! It appears that Wall-E is the work of brothers Edward and Antoni Frys of European Cake Gallery, ironically located in Texas. They don't have Wall-E posted there due to copyright muckety-muck, but my hubby John spoke with them on the phone and confirmed he is indeed their creation. Thanks to all of you who helped me track them down!

One Really IS the Loneliest Number

Or at least the most pathetic-looking:


My guess is the decorator ran out of cupcakes towards the bottom (oh yes, this is another cupcake-cake monstrosity), which resulted in this wonky number 7 with tiny feet attached.

Apparently the decorator also ran out of 'y's; check out the inscription. "Happ 1st Birthday"? Y not?


Marissa H., I hear two can be as bad as one, but I'd have to see that 2 to believe it.

Inappropriate, Much?

Nothing helps smooth over those awkward early teen years quite like getting a cake with a half-naked stud-muffin on it from your parents, eh, Tracy? Just wait 'til your mom asks to go "halfsies" with you on a lap dance.



I am told that these "Love is" characters were really popular back in the day, so I'm going to assume it wasn't the decorator's idea to draw two nekkid kids of indeterminable gender hugging. However, what the heck is going on behind kid #1? Either that's a tail, and it's wagging, or kid #2 is patting kid #1's butt. Considering the "warm embrace" sentiment, I honestly couldn't say which of those options would creep me out less.

UPDATE: That's hair? Really? I mean, I guess I'll have to take the word of my [cough cough] older and wiser readers, but I still don't see it. Maybe if it wasn't flesh-colored...


Chelsea Y., & Jessica M., love is getting such awesomely inappropriate Wrecks.

Is This a Wreck? You Decide.

Today we Americans and our friends around the world should pause and remember those lost in the attacks on 9/11/01. We each do this in our own way, and some people commemorate the day a little differently. Some people, for example, make a cake:


I've received several different pictures of this cake - each taken from a different angle - so it's obviously getting a lot of attention from passers-by. Some believe this is just the baker's way of using his unique skills to make a tribute. Others think it's disrespectful: halfway through serving those towers the cake is going to look pretty darn macabre. Personally, I'm on the fence. I see the skill involved, and I think the baker's motives are pure, but in execution I can see why so many are offended.

Your thoughts?



Thanks to Anna B., Patrick C., Dubi K., and Marc Felion, who took the original photo.

Don't Do It, Billy!

Disaster was narrowly avoided at the Smith household today, when 3-year-old Billy took the instructions on his birthday cake a little too literally.

"You could tell he was aiming for the giant '3' candle," said a local relative on the scene, "but fortunately his mom caught him just in time!"


Gee whiz, Dora T., that was a close one.

UPDATE: To the many readers helpfully pointing out that "your" is a misspelling: uh, that's kind of the point, guys. See, he was going to "wee" on his 3, 'cuz that's what the cake said to do - get it? [shaking head]

The Cake Head Diet Aid: Killing Appetites Since 2007

We've all been there: six weeks of rigorous dieting, all ruined by the sugar-paste encrusted morsels at cousin Jill's wedding. But what is today's bride to do? Is it possible to have the wedding cake of your dreams while still showing consideration to your dieting guests?

Yes, it is!

Introducing the Cake Head Diet Aid!



That's right, folks, just place the professionally decorated Cake Head Diet Aid alongside your wedding cake. It's that easy! In addition to being a delicious red velvet groom's cake, the Cake Head Diet Aid will effectively dissuade all but your most ravenous and/or non-squeamish of guests from indulging in the gut-busting baked goods. Guaranteed!

Here's what our happy customers are saying about the Cake Head Diet Aid:

"The children ran screaming - no sugar buzzed hellions at the reception! Thank you, Cake Head Diet Aid!"

"Never have I wanted to eat cake less. Just the thought of your product has kept me up nights, and I've lost over 15 pounds!"

"When my husband said the wrong name at the altar, I was ready to kill him. Slicing into the Cake Head Diet Aid, however, helped me vent enough of that murderous rage to make it to the annulment. And the jam filling - oh, that was the best part!"

As a bonus, your Cake Head Diet Aid is completely customizable! From football helmets to sunglasses, iPod earbuds to nose rings, you can make your Cake Head Diet Aid the spitting image of your husband-to-be while incorporating his favorite hobbies!

So girls, be kind to your guests waistlines while giving your guy his just desserts: order the Cake Head Diet Aid today!


Michelle D., I bet these work great at birthdays, too.


UPDATE: Alright, all you PhotoShop nay-sayers: there IS such a thing as edible image printing, mkay? I also verified that this came off a professional bakery's portfolio site, so chill wit' da hatin' , yo.