Sweet Baby James

Thank you all so much for the outpouring of love, prayers, and sympathies in regards to sweet baby James. I knew I had great readers, but you all have just outdone yourselves in kindness. The amount of traffic on James' blog exploded on the day I posted his tribute, and the many comments you all left there have been a great source of comfort to his parents John and Abby and the rest of their family.

James' funeral was this afternoon (the video will be posted on his blog soon), and during the service his dad not only read one of the comments one of you posted, but also mentioned Cake Wrecks readers in general - that's how much of an impact you've had on this family. So, on behalf of them and myself, thank you.

Cakes For All Occasions

As you all know, some Wrecks are only Wrecks because of what the customer ordered to be written on them.

These are those Wrecks.



Harsh reality, sweet messenger.




Submitter Dan titled it best: "Cake for a Cheerful Nihilist".




Looking on the bright side?



Hey, this one seems familiar...




Feelin' the love.


As a Wrecktacular bonus, go back and read all the cakes in order. Freaky, eh? It's like those ransom notes made from newspaper clippings, only using cakes. Now what's crazier: the fact that these cakes exist, or that I have enough submissions to piece together almost-sentences? :)



Today's Wrecks brought to you by Amber J., Dan B., Kristen P., and James S.

A Magical Bakery Tour

Today's post has been lovingly ripped off from Wrecks reader Greg H. Greg sent me an e-mail with the following photos and commentary, and has already been duly warned of the impending plagiary (though I will admit to some minor editing). Enjoy!


"Welcome to Magical Cake Magic! Allow me to show you some of our creations."




"First we have Mr. Bony-Hips the cat. Isn't he just the cutest as he stalks his prey?"




"Then there's the ever-popular 'Decaying Camo Fish'. Almost fresh and always delicious!"

“What do you mean that’s unappetizing? Well then, how about the ‘Castle Warfare’ cake? We put in red and orange gumballs to simulate the severed heads. Also, we construct 50% of the cake from paper towel and toilet paper rolls so your little ones are assured plenty of fiber.


“Hey, where are you going? Don’t you want to place an order? I haven’t even shown you our ‘Teddy Bear Drowning in a Jacuzzi’ model!”

"Or the 'Birthday Sarcophagus' and 'Noah Saves the Rare 2-Headed Giraffe'!"






"Ok, well, I can see you have to rush off now, but be sure and remember us for your next occasion!"



Thanks again to Greg H.!

In Memory

I've said before that the purpose of this blog is to make you laugh. That's still the case, but today I'd like to do something a little different. You see, yesterday I lost someone very near and dear to my heart. His name was James, and he was the son of two incredible individuals: John and Abby Gjertsen. (In a way, Abby is actually responsible for the creation of this blog: she is the one who first e-mailed me the "Under Neat That" cake, which in turn inspired me to start Cake Wrecks. So if you enjoy this site, you owe Abby a small debt of gratitude.)

James was born with a host of medical problems, and he overcame huge obstacles while spreading joy and inspiration to all who knew him his 482 days here on Earth. Through their blog SweetBabyJames.info John and Abby provided encouragement to other special needs families around the world, and James was able to touch countless lives. His legacy is assured, and will be one of unceasing joy, strength, and courage. (Click here for a beautiful video celebrating his first year of life.)

Not only are John and Abby close friends, they have been hugely supportive of Wrecks. So today, in honor of John, Abby, and sweet baby James, I'd like to dedicate this post.

And because I still believe in the healing power of laughter, here's a great video for cake lovers everywhere:




Thanks to reader Rachel for the video link.

Why Are the Children Screaming?

"I don't get it - we just brought out the cakes, and poof! Mass hysteria!"



I'm not sure which is worse: Dead "Lips" the Clown or Homicidal Horned Boo-Boo here. On the plus side, I'm guessing any parent who serves these will never have to buy circus tickets for the kiddies ever again. Of course, that benefit might be slightly offset by all the therapy those kids are going to need...

Stephanie L. and Katie H., do you suppose these decorators had TCE's as children? (That's "Traumatic Clown Encounter".)

Celebrity Wrecks

Sure, they're rich, famous, and always get to fly first-class. But guess what? They get Wrecks, too.

These "olives" (in honor of Kristin's character Olive on Pushing Daisies) aren't too bad, but the bakery decided to make a nicely symmetrical pair instead of the single olive requested. I simply cannot imagine why. [wink]

This was made for the 10th anniversary of P Diddy's record label Bad Boys. Given the caliber of that lil' homeboy elephant-baby on top, though, I could have sworn it was for a baby shower.

"This cost me how much?"

The Hulk's family recently celebrated how "greatful" they were for their son Nick.


And the "Unbelievably Insensitive" award goes to...

...whoever thought it was a good idea to remind 10-year-old Bindi that she doesn't have a father anymore. On her birthday. (The most un-funny Wreck I have ever witnessed, folks.)


And last but not least, guess whose sweet sixteen cake this was?

That's right: it was for our very own crotch-grabbing soprano himself, Michael Jackson. Because every 16-year-old boy dreams of having a giant wicker basket of roses on his birthday cake. [shaking head] I don't know about you guys, but I'm starting to feel a whole new sympathy for MJ. I mean, who knows what kind of cake trauma was inflicted here?

So, dear readers, the next time you bring home your misspelled and/or tragically decorated Wreck, be comforted by the fact that even fame and riches would not have spared you. Cakey wreckitude truly does unite us all. :)


Thanks to Annika W., Emily R., Holly Z., Hel E. for the pics, and to the many readers who sent me the Hogan link.

"Cake" Cruelty

Ladies and gentlemen of the cake community, I come to you today with a matter of grave concern to us all.

Allow me to present exhibit A:



These seemingly innocent "cakes" are instead a threat to all the sugary goodness we hold dear. Observe:


Once sliced, you will note that these "cakes" are not cakes at all. Instead, they are layers of various meat and mayo-based salads, bread, and then - here's the worst part - "iced" with cream cheese. Note how the creators of these twisted impostors then push the deception even further by decorating the "cakes" with little roses, vines, and piped borders.

I ask you, fellow carb-lovers, are we to allow such cake defamation to stand? Will we sit idly by while our children and grandchildren are subjected to cakes that are not cakes? And if so, what next? Liverwurst doughnuts? Tuna-filled eclairs? Meat pies? (Oh, wait...)

Nay, I say, nay! We shall rise up, and as one declare that our butter cream icing must remain unsullied, our baked goods pure in sugar. Join me, and together we can make our world a place of fat, sugar, and dairy-based products for all!


Melissa P., thanks for calling my attention to this adjusted unjust injustice. (Seashell-Selling She, eat your heart out.)

Gosh, Kermit, I Think I'd Get That Looked At...

The store selling these cakes (oh yes, there are more!) claims that they are watermelons.

Riiiight.

As you can see from this other example, the "slice" appears to have drifted southward over time, resulting in the truly unfortunate and rather alarming spectacle you see here. In fact, this guy could be the new spokesman for certain "personal care" items, don't you think? Can't you just see him bouncing across your television screen, his squeaky voice telling you to "ask your doctor if HerpAway is right for you!"?


Thanks to Bahktin for the pic, originally posted here.

This Calls for a Celebration!

Would you believe someone's boss actually brought this into the office? (Or should I say, "The Office"? It certainly looks like something Michael would order for an office party, doesn't it?)

I love that someone - either the customer or the decorator - felt that "sexual harassment" needed to be illustrated. And I realize that the decorator can't be expected to be Picasso or anything, but check out how far the girl's feet are off the ground. Either that was the Spank Heard 'Round the World, or she's on an invisible step while Chuckles there digs for gold.

Before you ask, yes, I hear the boss got in some deep doo-doo. Can't imagine why, though; I mean, it's got a big red "NO" symbol over it, doesn't it? And all those spanking demonstrations were purely for educational purposes, so really, what's the big deal?

I Believe the Children are Our Future

"Teach them well and LET them lead the way,
Show them all the [juvenile delinquency] they possess insiiiiide…"


Because every four-year-old is searching for a hero, that’s why. And if that hero can bus’ a cap with his 9 mil (check the photo), so much the better.

Play on, Lil’ Derrick: play on.



Thanks to Mary B. for pointing this one out over on Photo Basement.