Thursday, July 14, 2011

john (the hubby of Jen) In The Flesh

Thursday, July 14, 2011

My friends, today is National Nude Day, which is why I... [ripping off Velcro pants]...will be writing this post entirely butt nekkid. Aw yeeeah. In fact, I suggest you join me! Just be considerate of your family and cubicle mates, and be sure to walk around and extend a personal invitation to each of them, too.

Now, you may be asking yourself, how will I know that john (the hubby of Jen) is actually naked? Well, here's a picture as proof:

I like to oil up when I write about cake.

Now, let's do this thing!


Here we have a ...

I'm sorry. Excuse me...this chair is really...erph!...scratchy.

So. Here's a turtle:


Oh! Hang on a sec; my neighbor is watering her lawn.

[opening door]

Hi, Mildred! Did you know it's National Nude Day?

Mildred? Don't run so fast, dear, remember your hip surgery!!


She's such a sweetie.


Now, check out this hot little chick:

That is some serious duck face.


(Question: is it ok to scratch below the belt with a back scratcher? Asking for a friend.)


And now, a taco:

Or possibly a hot dog.

Never thought I'd get those two mixed up, to be honest.


(Another question: are wood back scratchers dishwasher-safe?)


Huh. That's odd. Ever get the feeling somebody's watching you?

Must be the cold draft in here.

[crossing legs]

And finally, because this post has been the picture of modesty and decorum so far, let's end with something really inappropriate:


Hey, Carol G., Marianne F., Susan M., Sarah A., & Alexandra, for the last time: I'm up here.
JaimeS. said...

That hot dog/taco cake looks just like a picture i drew for art class back in elementary school. except my picture was supposed to be a campfire.

i'm not the artsy type...

yellowpickup said...

LMAO This is the best post ever!

Kelly said...

I agree with yellowpickup - best post ever! Still laughing!!!

Anonymous said...

Nice six pack Jon(the hubby of Jen).

And each time I look at the ducky cake I think of Carol Channing. Not sure why - maybe that huge mouth?

A.J. said...

Bow-chicka-wow-wow....LOL.

Judy C said...

You know, hubby of Jen, that Big Bird cake looks really angry to me.
But I'll bet Jen is happy.

Sharyn said...

Hey John (THOJ)

Maybe you should tell your "friend" to stick with the metal back scratchers. And buy him some smooth slipcovers. Just sayin'...

Now fasten up those pants and help Mildred off the lawn.

Haiku Joy said...

Even haiku fails.
My words are as broken as
Mildred's mighty hip.


wv: nournif

It wouldn't surprise me if nournif gets the poetic allusion. English teacher's blight.

Anonymous said...

SWEET! Today I have an excuse to run down the hallways of this office nekkid...because, yanno, every other time I do it they call the authorities. "YOU CAN'T CALL TODAY FUN HATERS!!!"

Becky

wv: ciest - They "claim" they don't want to ciest me naked, I think they are just jealous.

The Pink Drink Ladies said...

The duck looks like my neighbor, Gladys.

I just love to celebrate all of the holidays. Time to get nekkid.

Jackie

Anonymous said...

Congrats to Jen ;)

SaraCVT said...

You know, my personal hubby and I always say that "nude" is the state of having no clothes on. "Nekkid" is having no clothes on with intentions. Do you have intentions, John?

mel said...

Sorry...I was laughing so hard I forgot to look at the cakes....Way to go, Jon (hubby of Jen)!

wv-heritche: These bakers all come from a rich heritche of decorators.

florid nightingale said...

Bring me Big Bird's head on a platter!

Anna said...

Bwhahahahaha!

Anonymous said...

Oh Wow! Can't pass up the WV today...pherst!!!

I'm going to take this holiday to heart.

882d117c-ae27-11e0-883a-000bcdcb8a73 said...

FABOO post! can't stop giggling. kudos.

Donna said...

LOVE LOVE LOVE today's post! My only problem is I work with people who need to put more clothes on...not take them off....*sigh*

mimi said...

That last cake is the best cake ever. I want that cake. That is not a wreck; it is gold.

Beth @ Dirty Laundry said...

"I'm up here." SNORT!

Maureen said...

Bwahahahahahahahahaha!!! ROTFL!!!!

Anonymous said...

Lololol@ the last cake. The other cakes=wtf??

Stephanie said...

Methinks you had a little too much fun with this one, John... :P

JHill said...

Tell me you meant all those double entendres and that I don't just have a disgusting gutter mind.

Stephanie said...

I'm thinking Big Bird there is ready to go ninja.

Christina said...

Oh the mental images..... ROFLMAO!!!! John, hubby of Jen... great post today!! Jen - you lucky girl you to check out that 6 pack!! ;-) LOL!!

WV:
ghsonc: The sound of my jaw hitting the desk after reading some of the "odder" CW posts

BADKarma! said...

Maybe it's a hot dog IN a taco... Um... Ahem... (blinkblink)... That sounded way less dirty in my head... O_O

Michelle said...

This might be the best post ever Jon(the hubby of Jen). Thanks for a fantastic laugh this morning!

elissa said...

John (THOJ), I'm not sure anyone ever told you that nudity is not nearly as sexy as strategically clothed....

Brain bleach. I need brain bleach for the images you conjured (and I don't mean the cakes).

Katrina said...

Bwahahaha! John you are the master of over-the-top and hilarious posts! I still laugh when I think of your "Lounge Lizard" post, AWESOME. Love love love your sense of humor! Jen is one lucky lady ;-)

thesacredandtheprofane said...

I really, really want the Something Really Inappropriate cake. It even has sprinkles!

It is second only to the cake my coworker and I have agreed to get each other on our last days of work (if we ever left, that is...)
Best retirement cake EVAH!

Puppygirl said...

I'd join Becky in celebrating this day at work, unfortunately, I have an appointment with a couple of kids in the afternoon... I think that would lead to some jail time.

Too bad it's not my husband's golf day. I'd be a short, brisk walk to the course. bwahahahaha

Awesome post John (thoJ). Awesome comments, too!

Loo-E Loo-I said...

*blink* *blink* O.o

Question 1, Tell your friend that as long as you, I mean he's the only one using it, why should Jen, oops...why should anyone, care?

Question 2, No, wooden stuff in the dishwasher gets splintery after a while. Just sayin'...not good.

Tell your friend they make plastic ones...

Craig said...

Taco? Hot dog? So what's the stuff on the outside (he asked, not really wanting to know).

What is both cool and ironic about the last one: they spelled 'inappropriate' correctly.

I find myself strangely glad that Cake Wrecks doesn't have a webcam.

wv: pactent. Item #1 on the camping checklist.

Lulubelle B said...

Jen is a lucky, lucky woman.

Lisa said...

I always love all of cakewrecks posts, but today took the cake! (Pun intended, thank you, thank you very much.) Today was hilarious! Mildred was just running to get that back scratcher.

Anonymous said...

Wow, that was SOME post today...

"Something Really Inappropriate" would be good for a bridal shower cake. I think I'll keep that in mind for a certain someone I know who's getting married next year.

The Other Mel

DemonicSymphony said...

I love this blog so hard!

No, that wasn't a pun.

Anonymous said...

actually laughed out loud through this whole post.. till i saw the duck then said wow out loud then continued to laugh! great post!

Bren-duh from Cana-duh said...

LOL ... that was great!!

Anonymous said...

I am quite skeptic if that is really Jen's husband or a picture off Google search LOL. But the hotco (hotdog/taco) makes me lol.

obsessive compulsive dawn said...

There are no words for how awesome you guys are. I <3 this blog in particular so much!

Kristina said...

of the second cake, my daughter (who will be three in two weeks) said: "That's not a cake, Mommy, that's a pinata!" I'd sure like to hit it with a stick...

Today is my birthday - what a great post to celebrate with!

susan marie said...

I was going to say the taco/hotdog thing looked like a hamburger laying on its side, but it's got white stuff on top, so now I'm not sure anymore!

tiny p. elephant said...

BEST.POST.EVER.JOHN!
Thanks for the laughs!
The green turtle and big bird are the best!

Tina said...

I'm thinking hot dog...

Torry said...

Love the big bird! How creepy!

lisadh said...

HIL.Air.EE.US!! Great job, john (thoJ)!!

AngelaJ said...

Wow. I'm all hot and bothered! I'm gettin' nekkid and waking my hubby up! Maybe we can go...make a cake...

Renee said...

John (THOJ) you seem to forget that many of us have actually met you during your world book tour...and unless you've been working out like Hans and Franz used to your self portrait is photoshopped. ;o)
However, your post was awesome...and I would go with a plastic back scratcher if you want to put it in the dishwasher.

Betty Martin said...

John, hubby of Jen...I must say this was a little creepy. Seeing you nekkid...NOT seeing you nekkid...I mean, I absolutely DO NOT want to see you nekkid or even imagine you nekkid. It's not just you...it's any unknown man...and many known men, come to that. If it's National Nude Day, I think I'll stay in my house all day with the curtains closed...wait...that's what I do everyday! NO, it's not what you think. I'm not nekkid...no one is nekkid...except at appropriate times...like 3 o'clock or 5 o'clock...NO that's not what I mean, I mean nekkid for showers only!!! (and other needed nekkid activities) And the curtains are closed because we live in the desert and it's very hot and I don't want the sun shining into our house to make it even hotter...yeah, that sounds good.

stuckinmypedals said...

The taco dog makes my stomach turn.

Aimee - Choose To Be Better said...

That's just funny, I don't care who you are. ;-)

No Cake Fo' You!!! said...

Poor Mildred and her bad hip!!! Funny post :)

WV: Putio clothes back on Jon (hubby of Jen)

Niki said...

Is the taco/hot dog cake supposed to be a half a hamburger??? Sloppy either way!

Betty Martin said...

P.S. That turtle looks entirely too perky!!!

Anonymous said...

I have to tell you that I look forward to your posts everyday! And today was no exception!!!! If you ever come to Prince Edward Island in Canada you would be welcome with open arms!! Andrea

alenxa said...

The last one is awesome...and 100% correctly spelled! Amazing!

SiouxBee said...

@craig...if that pic of John is real (and we all KNOW it is ;-P), then i'm REALLY wishing cake wrecks had a webcam! (wink wink nudge nudge)

nmc said...

We mix up tacos and hot dogs on purpose here - Taco Dogs! Put a hot dog in a taco shell and top with taco toppings for the kids.

May said...

Aw, man! My plan was to get dressed up for the Harry Potter movie tonight, but I can't pass up celebrating this holiday! I'll just wear glasses and a lightning scar.

WV: siffths
The sound of bare...um...bum slowly separating from a leather desk chair.

john (the hubby of JEN) said...

Renee,

I'm sorry, I didn't hear you over the sound of my abs rippling.

[ripplerippleripple]

john

May said...

Oooh, oohh! Also:

WV: squac

The sound one makes when one's bare skin separates from the leather desk chair.

Melissa C said...

I love this blog!! I come here when I need a chuckle. Thanks!!!

NatalieG said...

@Haiku Joy, I too am speechless and concerned for Mildred...

Jeezum, you guys make me laugh! Great post, thanks!

wv: diatio; 'My eyes went all diatio after catching a glimpse of John's rippling abs...' (lordy, sounds like something out a bad historical romance, doesn't it?)

The Reluctant Diva said...

Cake #4 is why the earlier Elmo cake was screaming.

"THEY CUT OFF BIG BIRD'S HEAD! Elmo not want to be next!"

144Years said...

Laughed the whole way through...

WV: "immotshr" immotshr what that chick cake was supposed to be, but I'm pretty sure it escaped from the Jersey Shore: http://youtu.be/d7D7DooFO5c

JenericFN said...

So awesome, on so many levels! Thank you, thank you, for making my day!

ViolaNut said...

So the fact that, after all that, when I went to click for comments it said there were 69 of them... that made my day.

Aliza said...

While I'm struggling to come up with a comment about today's very amusing theme, I'll discuss the cakes.

#1: um, guys? If it's turned green and has that much shrinkage, you might want to see a doctor.

#2: tammy faye?

#3: Is that a Lorena Bobbitt hot dog?

#4: I think Big Bird's jealous that he's not hte only nekkid one around.

#5: A work-appropriate inappropriate cake! I love it!!! I have colleagues who would appreciate that one :)

The Black Dog said...

Now I want a cake for my birthday that says "something really inappropriate"

Anonymous said...

I think that taco-dog might be a half-a-burger??

leannwoodward said...

Oh dear! I couldn't stop laughing today. Thanks John! Good job! Hope you clean that back/butt scratcher!

Leigh Ann said...

I like the turtle.

Amy Ellen said...

Omg I am sitting at resturaunt waiting on my son, he works here, and I am on his laptop, I almost spit water all over it with the oiled up comment and then burst out laughing with the Mildred dont run.... HAHAHAHAHAHA Best post for me since the dog wanting the cupcakes video. Dont get me wrong they are all awesome but seriously this is hysterical...
Amy

Daisy said...

John,

(You share the same name as my hubby, BTW...)

I've always fancied you a beefcake.

I am pleased. (Apologies to Jen.)

Anonymous said...

Wait... you mean... that first picture wasn't a cake?

NiteNurse said...

John(thoJ) said:

"I'm sorry, I didn't hear you over the sound of my abs rippling.

[ripplerippleripple]"

Please, John, I really, really must know if this line is an-oh-so-appropriate quote or an original statement? I intend to steal it and insult someone-- but like to give credit. ;-D
Thanks, Terrell

wv: rodonest: each of today's cakes (except the last) could pass for the home of a rat, aka...

wildmaven said...

National Nude day AND it's my birthday!!! What a way to celebrate, LOL!!

Melinda said...

I'll have to give you an LOL for this one. LOL, my friend. LOL.

Anne said...

It's BUCK NAKED--not BUTT NAKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Puppygirl said...

National Nude Day and cold, wet puppy nose sneak attack do NOT go well together!
(Back of the knee! Get your mind out of wherever it was going.)

Anonymous said...

(silly grin)
I've been so deep in the doldrums recently I thought I wouldn't smile until I saw Darth Vader holding a baby girl while My Little Pony (with a Death Star tattooed on it's butt) danced on a double rainbow with Rick Astley to the tune of Walk the Dinosaur while silver dragees from an Italian bakery in Afghanistan twinkled like stars in a poo colored sky.

(silly grin)
I was wrong.

-Barbara Anne

P.S. I, too, thought: taco, hot dog or half burger lying on it's side? Also, my grandmother's name was Mildred and she would have thought this was funny (and she had an artificial hip).

Blalock said...

Such an awesome post!!!! Still laughing!

Marnie said...

I thought the turtle was kinda cute.

jillb-ilslp said...

*palm to forehead* Why didn't I check CW this morning when I KNOW it is my primary source for important news. National Nude Day AND My 50th Birthday?!
Just imagine how much better my Sally O'Malley impressions at work all day would have been nekkid!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aiehDcVZ-vA

It's not midnight yet - may have to step outside. ^^

Carrietastic said...

John, I believe you actually did write this entry in the nude. At least, I wouldn't put it past you. :)

Donna said...

Oh My, I am dying over the extreme awesomeness of this post! "I'm up here." Classic.

Then I get to the comments...

"I'm sorry, I didn't hear you over the sound of my abs rippling."

Best post of all time, OF ALL TIME!! And I may or may not have spit pop all over my monitor, keyboard, and mouse.

wv-ressespe: I need the ressespe for the hot dog in a taco cake.

Anonymous said...

the post: hilarious!

the comments: had me looking for the 'like' button! lol

thank you thank you thank you all for the laughs!

Arlene said...

Lol thank goodness I stayed home today if it was national nude day. Some things cannot be unseen and around here I would probably never come out of the house again. That taco/hot dog/man vs. food hamburger thing makes me kinda wanting some food at the moment just not that cake lol. Mmmmmmm I love this post!

MadTigerKitty said...

John, your post in the comment section was the funniest part of this entire post (and I was laughing from the very beginning)!! I can't stop laughing at the visual it put in my head :D

Noortje said...

This was actually a very nice way to wake up, nice abs ;)

Couldn't realy focus on the wrecks though, the rest of the post kept me laughing too hard.

wv: bedeesso - I just got totally bedeesso-ed by those abs.

MM said...

Not sure what's more nauseating, these cakes (especially that taco/hotdog one) or widespread nakenedess in my town. However as it's very warm and I work on my own it sounds like a good idea, happy naked day!

Mio said...

Taco! !

Anonymous said...

Big Bird looks like the start of an Angry Birds post.

Dakota said...

Did anyone else misread 'decorum' as 'scrotum'? ...No?

Sim said...

Whoa! Is it just me, or are these wrecks getting worse?

MissRon said...

Bwahahahahahahahahahahahaha! *breathes* hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahha *gasp* *wipes away tears* *snickers* hehehehehehee. lol.

Eve said...

"I like to oil up when I write about cake."

That made me laugh harder than I have laughed at anything in a while.

WV: moncto. It doesn't take a monc to have some concerns about National Nude Day!