Let this be a warning to anyone nicknamed "Peanut."
"Howdy ho!""Let's see...we've got a big pitted clump of chocolate icing, and lots of red gel leaking out the cracks. What else does this cake need?
"Oh! I know!"
"Oh! I know!"
"More roughage!"(A pine tree counts, right?)
Suddenly, having my mouth washed out with soap doesn't sound like such a bad thing:
Giving new, literal meaning to a "sh*t-eating grin?"(Btw, I made sounds I didn't think were humanly possible when I first saw this photo. Kind of a hairball-esque gargle. It was horrifying.)
Bakers, when making chocolate seashells for a wedding cake, here's something to keep in mind:
They *do* make white chocolate.Bakers, when looking for a quick way to clean the chocolate sauce off your fingers, here's another thing to keep in mind:
Don't do this.And finally: bakers, when attempting to entice your customers with a sweet chocolate treat, here's the last thing that should be on your mind:
Gnarly poop fingers.Of dooooom.
Thanks to Ashley/Peanut, Megan E., Tracey S., Kate M., Fabiola I., & Chani, who actually have a band named "Gnarly Poop Fingers of DOOOOOOM." In my mind. Where it's AWESOME.
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At 8:45 I turned on the TV (something I don't normally do)and my set was tuned to “The Graham Norton Show” (a program I’ve never seen) on BBC America (a station I rarely watch.) I was just about to change the channel to something educational and/or inspiring when, WHOA!!!-Cake Wrecks. I guess I was just meant to see it. Mr. Norton, some British Celebrities not familiar to me, and I had a good hearty laugh (but only I felt like I was watching my friend on the BBC.) I think I’ll turn on the TV at 8:45 tomorrow morning and see what shows up.
BTW, I'm swearing off the chocolate after this post, so thank you!
wv: masyn These cakes today are really masyn with my mind!
Some of the worst ever...I think I'll skip lunch after seeing that last one. What were they thinking....?
the poop fingers look to me like large grubs. which might be even worse.>?
It seems there is another creature residing in Sponge Bob's mouth. Just looking at the last cake left a bad taste in my mouth.
Jackie
Oh, so yucky!
That wedding cake should be for the opening day of a water park. Their slogan? "Water slides so steep, they scare the crap out of you".
Really, though, I can't decide if those poo-shells look more like they are sliding off the cake, or doing some kind of zombie-crawl up it.
Gag reflex officially initiated. Good thing I was only thinking about eating breakfast and hadn't actually done it yet! Maybe my appetite will come back in time for lunch.
Oh God. The last one is going to haunt my dreams.
God that Spongebob one was disgusting. I think I made a noise similiar to yours when I saw it.
On the last one, I didn't so much see Gnarly Poop Fingers Of DOOOOOM! so much as I saw a pile of intestines laying all over a cake... that way it's poop *AND* innards all at the same time.
YAY! Breakfast time!!
or maybe not.
*mrphh*
Good grief, I can't even tell what that second one is supposed to be. It's like a pine tree sprouting from a volcano covered in hay. Or possibly wood chips (more roughage?).
Oh, those "fingers" look just like oversized worms of some sort! The only cake that has ruined my appetite, ever!
I thought the Sponge Bob cake was about as bad as it could be --- then I saw the other cakes... Don't these bakers have any idea what poo looks like???? Still, I'll never look at Sponge Bob again quite the same way...
I think I made those same sounds, ewwwwwww.
On a side note; you were on Graham Norton!! How did I miss that! Cool!
My dreams are haunted forever by the spongebob cake !
Hooray! Hooray!
I'm glad to say
It's final here --
Fecal Cake Day!
Gives new meaning to "what can brown do for you...."
wv-unded: that last cake looks like fingers from the unded...
I've followed/lurked your blog for a long time and never commented before but I couldn't stop myself today. Those Giant Poop Fingers of Doom are the most disgusting things I've ever seen on a cake and you've had some crazy ugly cakes. Thank goodness breakfast has been down for awhile because I gagged a little. Ugh.
I heat cake wrecks. i am so confused by the spongebob one! LOL
Those Gnarly Poop Fingers are down right intestinal!
D: I did not think it possible to make chocolate icing look unappetizing
Is the pine tree BLEEDING all over that cake? What a horror show today's post was--whether you see poop, or intestinal tapeworm type parasites (yes, I am looking at you, "Spongebob"), or giant slugs/grubs/intestines/sandworms. Urgh. (actually, after re-reading that list, the poo option actually seems nicer!) Double Urgh.
Cake #2 looks to me like a tree sprouting from a heap of bloody stool.
Cake #3: *gag*
Cake #4: Those... things aren't seashells, they are horrible, moist slugs slowly crawling towards the top of the cake.
Cake #6: *retch*
I can't decide if there's an infestation of grotesquely huge worms or if someone just piled some intestines round the cake.
Either way, it's disgusting. Worst wreck ever, in my opinion.
Just thinking of it brings back the nausea.
I am disgusted beyond, what I thought was, my ability to be disgusted.
Ew. Just, ew.
-Vstrong
Was repulsive what you were going for? I can't even keep my eyes on the screen for the last one...
Just, ew.
Just SuBee, I believe you have successfully cured my addiction to chocolate.
That last one had me staring at the screen, open-mouthed for a long time. :O
:O
0.O
Crazy stuff!!!
Gnarly Poop Fingers of Doom would make an AWEsome name for a rock band, dontcha think??
I thought the last cake was covered with haggis.
Please add a warning at the top of today's post that you should not read it with a full stomach. Or before eating. Or while alone. Or in the dark. Or before bedtime. It is quite disgusting. And a waste of good chocolate icing.
*happily eats her chocolate pudding*
Who on earth would purchase that last cake? Gadzooks!
First cake reminds me of how my sister-in-law used to always call my oldest daughter "peanut." Only problem was that my daughter always heard it as the word for a certain portion of male anatomy, and one day asked me why her aunt kept calling her that, because it was such a strange thing to call a girl.
My sister-in-law doesn't call her that anymore.
Why, oh why was i eating an apple when i first saw these? Almost put it down. (almost, because then i saw the sweet, and all was well ;) )
Someone needs to lay down the brown piping bag..and to actually take a break for a good 5 minutes at minimum, then look back again at their cakes.
wv: consu: Some wreckerators here should consu a eye doctor!
Why on earth would anyone use brown to fill in Spongebob's mouth? Why not black? Surely black would have been better...right? *shudder*
But seriously, you'd think that someone would have noticed that and thought that maybe spreading that around with a spatula might help just a little bit. But maybe that cake was doomed from the start.
WV: colieses
You probably shouldn't eat any of today's cakes if you want to avoid contracting a serious case of colieses.
I WAS EATING!
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
I think SpongeBob took a bite of that last "gnarly poop fingers of dooooom" cake!!
Yeah, today's post has to be at the top of the disgusting chart. I think I need to go wash my eyes out now...
And @mel -- I about choked laughing at your comments!!
.
Everybody, climb on the Poo Choo Express! Howdy Ho!
*blech*
*looks at cakes*
*looks down at half-eaten lunch*
*looks at cakes*
*gingerly sets aside half-eaten lunch*
*flees the room*
I literally threw up in my mouth after seeing the one with the tree (second one?) These have to be the most disgusting poo cakes EVER on this blog. *shudder*
The last one MUST be a Princess Bride "To the Pain" cake. Let me 'splain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up...
First, when I saw it I cried "Dear God, what is that thing?"
Next, I spent some time wallowing in freakish misery.
Finally, it either IS a miserable vomitous mass, or it's well on its way making me one.
Besides, it looks like it's been mostly dead all day.
WV: expoo (I swear.)
That last one made me gasp - and gag. Ewww.
wv: monlited: I think these Wreckators must have monlited as pooper scoopers in the local dog park and then got their jobs mixed up.
Gag - Hork - Bleh - how many ways to say these wrecks are just sooo wrong.
Corgi Lover in Horace
To me, the poop fingers on the last cake looks more like large intestine. Who'd want an entrails cake?
And the ad showing up next to this post is for a fiber cereal :P
Ok, the last "cake" is obviously screeching eels. Everyone knows that. sheesh.
(MIghty unappetizing, though.)
Oh... oh my... oh gross!
That last cake is just so, so, wrong on so many levels.
I really think the baker/decorator responsible for that last cake MUST change jobs and spare everyone the torture of more such creations.
I think I'm going to be sick now.
I'm afraid these cakes have sent me into a brown study.
Sharyn - You are my hero. : )
Regarding the post - probably worst wrecks ever. Please pass the eye bleach. And the Pepto.
oh my goodness. that is so sickeningly gross.
I'm seriously disturbed by the gnarly poop fingers (of doom!)
howdy ho! ho! yum yum yum! Mr. Hanky the Christmas poo...
The gnarly poop fingers of doom remind me of geoduck (pronounced gooey duck) necks. Dark, disgusting geoduck necks.
Geoducks!
WV:phineupl - Whooooo lives in a phineupl under the sea? Sponge Bob Poop Mouth! Absorbent and yellow and poop mouthed with glee! Sponge Bob Poop Mouuuuuthhhh...uuuuthhhh
*beeeeeep* Sorry, we're experiencing technical difficulties. Someone get a mop, those kids can't stop puking. We're gonna need a new star, this poop mouth guy just isn't working out.
Can never look at Spongebob again without thinking of this cake. EWW!
Can't wait to see what Haikujoy's haiku will be on this post (if she's able to come up with one). I love her haikus.
wv: urable. Urable to lose your lunch after viewing this post.
These may very well be the most disgusting cakes you've shown us so far. *shudder*
Not one but TWO cakes that look like they're infested with something horrid. >< I really thought those seashells were slugs, and the poop fingers... *gak* I think I just heard that sound you described coming out of my own throat. It's like the cake is being devoured by a teeming mass of giant slimy grubs. NOT exactly giving me an appetite!
wv: girredi
Girredi forrrrr: Gnarly Poop Fingers of DOOOOOOM!!
P.S. - The worst one might just be that Spongebob one...blleeeggghhh!! Though I do feel sorry for the bride who must have flipped after seen the so-called "shells" on her cake...
#1 Meh. Wreckerators are called upon every day to represent things they somehow have never seen before: peanuts, the American Flag, babies, etc.
#2 Oh help. That foliage looks disturbingly real. I call raw cookie dough and a clever wreckerator -- if you quit, you can't get unemployment benefits.
#3 When I saw this, I "made a sound I would not want to hear twice in my life."
#4 I like how the collection up top is so *shiny*. 'scuse me!
Whew...made it in time. It's ok -- my appetite should return in time for lunch. December 18th ought to do it.
#5 Nouvelle cuisine comes to cake. You see, it's all very existential (which being translated, means 'horrendously expensive'). There is no actual cake under all that, it's the concept that counts.
#6 @deckardcanine, haggis is much more visually appealing than this. Even a graphic description of how haggis is made is more appealing than this. I call leeches. Then I'm calling the cake police.
wv: regeler
Wreakerator's co-worker, upon being triumphantly shown the final product: What the HECK is THAT supposed to be?
Wreakerator: I was constipated for a WEEK, but this morning it all finally came out. This is a tribute to being regeler again.
Co-worker: Yeah, I don't think you'll ever be regular. Please don't put that in the display case. No really, you have to remove it. Oh geeze, someone just took a picture. Great, now we get to see your poop tribute on Cake Wrecks.
Even this won't scare me away from chocolate although I might have nightmares with Spongebob in them. It looks like he's eating something not so pleasant.
Oh sure who doesn't want to have some poop fingers? I'm all for a chocolate wedding cake but not that one. I know I won't look at Spongebob the same after this.
I'm glad that I've learned a long time a go never to eat or drink while reading your Mon-Fri posts. Either your humour or the horrible cakes will get to me. Today, the latter.
#1 I've been reading this blog too long. I don't see anything wrong with this one?
#2 raw cake batter? (yeah, lets call it that... as I wonder if I need the public health inspectors' number saved to speed dial)
#3 (a) no filler was needed, and (b) why didn't they smooth it with a spatula? Bob looks way too happy eating worms, parasites and intestines!
#4 I'm with the this is live slugs school here... although the topper's definitely a poo pile.
#5 Wow. For sale like that?!
#6 While I love the line "Gnarly Poop Fingers of DOOOOOOM", these look like some very healthy happy worms to me...
OK, you have officially managed to turn me off chocolate. It may even last a few hours!
Behold! Pine trees spring
eternal from wrecker's scat-
turd bloody messes.
I want to be in the band too! And we can sing old Tootsie Roll songs! "Whatever it is I think I see . . ."
There should have been a warning to put down the chocolate cookies at the beginning...
This is so appropriate for ME today as I am stuck at home waiting for my 4 yr old to poo so I can collect a sample for the doctor. Thanks for the humor...I need it!
The ad beside #4 says "if you die unexpectedly" - frankly if I ate any of these cakes my death would NOT be unexpected
Jen, dear, NEVER again will I eat while reading your post.:S
hahaha my three year old said the first cake looked like a piece of bacon!!! ;o)
-Lyndsey
OK, so scatological humor is usually something I just don't find funny. But I think "gnarly poop fingers of doom" might be the funniest thing I've ever read. Like, ever... Just sayin'. Also, follows my reaction to Sponge Bob: *Reading, reading, smiling, reading... Oh hey, it's Sponge Bob! What's it doing on this page? Sponge Bob eyes, Sponge Bob nose, Sponge Bo--- What the Pho?!* That decorator was extra diabolical for getting the rest of it almost right so that poo just sneaks right up on you. And PS, the baker who tried to sell that manure pile with a Christmas Tree on it should be fired. The End. *hurk!*
Ugg, this is the only post I've seen where I wished you'd had a warning. GUH-ROS! I thought the poop fingers were leeches myself- just as bad if not worse than your interpretation!
I'm afraid my thoughts about the contents of Mr. Squarepants's mouth were a little more, shall we say, visceral. In other words... "Why is his mouth full of intestines?"
eew Eww!
And I *already* had a dicey stomach today.
GAH!
This is the most stomach churning post I think you've ever written. Definitely some of the worst poo cakes ever. Now, I need to go lie down until my nausea passes. o__O
that last one is disturbing. it looks like poo, it looks like fingers, it looks like guts, it looks alien, it looks like worms, it looks dead, it looks alive...wth??! i'm gonna have nightmares!
I have never before been so strongly affected by a photo of a cake. That last one seriously looks like intestines, or a bunch of rotting fingers....soooooo gross! I feel sick! This is the best wreck post yet!
Wow. I've seen some horror shows on CW in my many years of loyal reading, but this is the first time my gag reflex has seriously gone off. Those were full on disgusting. I cannot fathom how they made it into the light of day.
That Second Cake makes my butt pucker and my stomach turn. I can not see how that's appetizing to anyone!!
Gnarly Poop Fingers looks like intestines to me.
Also, *retch*!!
Some of this poop looks more like worms to me! Like Spongebob may just be eating worms, which isn't necessarily better than poop.
Is it bad that I want to eat some chocolate frosting right now?
Give a guy a little warning next time will ya? I was eating lunch when I saw the Sponge Bob Doody Mouth cake. Needless to say, lunch was over.
IS number 2 even a cake? Littl Johnny sallowd a plastic Christmas tree. Don't worry, it will pass. @RU-Love the Tootsie Roll comment. Now that jingle is running through my head.
Urgh... that Spongebob one... especially since I just ate chocolate...
Customer to baker: oh, I want something unique and memorable...crap, you just use your imagination.
Baker hears: imagine crap...
Voila...mission accomplished
I may use this post as a behavioral modification tool every time I crave chocolate. So, so, so gross.
I love how the shells are simultaneously reminiscent not only of poo, but of my ultimate all-time phobia...oh god I even hate typing the word...roaches.
*SHUDDER*GAH*TREMBLE*FLEE*
the last one... THE LAST ONE! That should have it's own post. Is it actually chocolate icing? Worms, all I see is enormous rotten worms. So gross!
What? Why? What?
AAAAAAAAAA!
OK, I took another peek at Sponge Bob after reading additional comments. And now I have the children's song -- "nobody likes me/everybody hates me/going to the garden to eat worms!/Big fat shiny worms... "
Now I'm queasy.
But thanks for bringing a smile to my face every day! Especially today: computer at work kept crashing so you get the credit for keeping me even-tempered ;)
OH MY GOD.
ugh. that spongebob cake made me gag out loud. why would anyone look at that and say to themselves, "hey, this cake looks really good. a child will want to eat this." ?????
Egads! This put me off cake...for today.
What the heck were those people thinking?? That wedding cake has so much wrong with it - what were the blue things? And on that last one - my daughter asked me why there were intestines on it.
AHHH Please tell me who this "Chani" is that you mention at the end of your post? That is also my name and I NEVER run into it anywhere. I almost had a heart attack!
~ Chani W.
Thanks! I was longing for a cookie until I saw your yucky post of the day!! Gag,umm,'scuse me! Who lives in a pineapple under the sea and eats poop from the starfish???Sponge Bob (I guess)! You always make me laugh. And by the way I have several cake wrecks for you but they are by my sister-in-law and she would know who sent them. She has been taking Wilton classes for a while now and honestly she doesn't seem to be improving! In fact one of hers is worse than Sponge Bob! Bless her heart!
(Unholy)crap! I agree the last one looks more like nematodes than feces. The word verification is spot on - "bleac".
Rossie // possessed of a strong stomach
ummm... my nickname is actually Peanut... :/
I will never live this down!!!
After seeing that last cake, reading about equine intestinal parasites during lunch is not that bad. I wonder if the Wreckerators would get the hint if you left an empty box of Ivermectin on the counter?
TXRed
wv: dopaqual As in "They've become resistant to Ivermectin. Better get out the Dopaqual paste and see if that will kill all the bots and worms."
Ach Mein Gott im Himmel!!! Didn't the sea shells decorator know that catbox cake is never EVER appropriate for weddings???
So I just got into work and all I could think about was lunch. Then I went to cakewrecks.com.
I'm not looking forward to lunch anymore.
And that last one - looks like large intestines cut up and thrown on cake. Yay. :(
#1 glisteny?? when is that ever a good idea??
#2 (how prophetic) looks like a meatloaf with a fake pine tree stuck in it. I decline to see it as cake.
#3 once I tore my eyes away from the huge deposit in the mouth I saw mutant ghosts above each side of the mouth (a la The Simpsons).
#4 I'm truly more distressed by the large, blue tapeworms slithering up the side of the rolls of stacked toilet paper.
#5 Oh, my leapin' lizards- that is VILE.
#6 Um...seriously? If I squint I can try to imagine a pack of pachyderm schnozes in miniature. I'm squinting very, very hard.
-Barbara Anne
I swear I'm not making this up:
wv- "stain"
mainecooncat: I was OK until the very last cake...then I snorted so loud my husband heard me in another room
that last one looks like intestines on a cake...eww
Shannon
these cakes totally helped turn off my chocolate cravings. Thank You wreckers.
I'm so glad that this post came on a Monday so that I could quickly ease my gag reflex by scrolling down to Sunday.
second one: refried beans, ketchup, and some parsley.
LOL!!
"Cake #2 looks to me like a tree sprouting from a heap of bloody stool."
This was...like...the crappiest Cake Wrecks EVER! I'm sure I'm not the first of the 107 to say this.
wv: matterso - How it looks doesn't really matterso pile on some more brown icing.
That last one is... there's just no excuse for anything that... ugly... gross... wormy... Seriously.
I've lost my appetite. EWW
Sharyn @ 12p: You took my very thought on that last cake. A very loud, audible gasp followed by "Dear God, what is that thing?". I sincerely cannot understand what the baker had going through their head thinking that that cake would sell.
Ewwwwwwwwwww that last cake and the Sponge Bob cake are going to give me nightmares tonight. Why oh why don't they see that brown frosting usually turns into evil looking turds on cakes? Either the wreckerators are blind or think the customers are lol.
That last cake really got to me...Gag!
wv: Versh
Zees are dee versh cakes I have ever sheen...
I have a title for the second one: "Murder in the Woods." It just kept ringing in my head while I stared, befuddled, at such a bizarre creation. I'm assuming that the cake was done via a request, otherwise the decorator might need a psych evaluation for homicidal ideation...
As for the poop fingers, all sorts of other horrible analogies come to mind, including that it looks like small, limp poop penises. If you look at them that way, you might start to actually feel sorry for them.
Oh, yew .... That last cake reminded me of the tauntaun that Luke Skywalker crawled into to keep warm ... Urp.
Forerph - the noise my stomach made after those evil poop cakes.
...I used to be a fan of Spongebob.
I can't ever look at him again without thinking of "s***-eating" grin.
And you know what's terrible? I have a big pile of chocolate looking morosely at me right now
That last one is so horrifying. They don't remind me of poop fingers so much as pinky mice or maggots.
CARPOphagist? Whoops.
Made cake for coprophagists.
Smile. Who will notice?
wv: hypes
These photos gave me the hiiiiidey-ho hypes. Will wash behind my ears, kid.
I don't know how I managed to find Cake Wrecks, but I'm so glad I did...the video "Happy Falker Satherhood" reeled me in (and woke up my weekend guest to my laughing uncontrolablly), but the poo...the poo captured my heart! Thank you a thousand times, thank you!
Thank you haikujoy for your haiku. Love the first one, especially how you spelled scatturd!
wv: braortio - after eating a bad braortio and helping Jen with this post, John had to take a nap on the couch with Lily as a but warmer.
Usually when I see gross looking cakes on this site, I tell myself, "It's just frosting. I could still eat it." But not this time! I could never even touch one of those poop fingers of doom.
The poo smear cake looks like a toilet after a little boy has gone poo. I think you might be able to figure out why I know that...
EEEK! these are some of the worst things yet, all the poo chocolate is making me sick.
Now I won't have to worry about lunch, I've lost my appetite, so thank you.
Spot the Eddie Izzard quote! :)
The gnarly fingers kinda scared me a little!! The rest made me gag!!! Ewwww!!!!!
OMG that last one looked more like large worms or intestines than poop! I think I lost any appetite I had for the year!
Since I'm interested in losing weight, Jen, I seriously thought about printing out a copy of a pic of that last cake and posting it on my fridge. I lost my appetite and began feeling a bit nauseous when that hideous pic came into view, so it would definitely keep me from raiding the fridge. However I don't think my husband would appreciate a pic of a cake covered in frosting depicting raw sheep intestines constantly in his direct line of sight. I've seen bugly cakes a plenty here, but THAT ONE literally takes the cake!
All I can say is that SpongeBob is mostly face. He has very little room for innards, so that smile must be his intestines.
wv. Plarygoo -- Or that smile could just be plarygoo
my reaction to the last one: MY EYESSSSS!!!!
Those aren't fingers. They're the awful worm things from the movie Tremors! ::shudder::
See the condensation forming in the bubble on the second photo? It's getting ready to rain in there. What you've got there is a poo-cake ecosphere!