Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Save The Cakes

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Did you know that, every day, thousands of cakes go unpurchased?


It's true. These shunned desserts sit lonely and unloved on bakery shelves...

...only to eventually be shipped off to the day-old bread outlet.


But it doesn't have to be this way.


For a reduced price, you can help these poor, unwanted cakes find a place where they will be loved, cherished,

...and eaten.

That place being your belly.


Yes, your contribution can help provide loving tummies for rejected wrecks!



And just think: for the price of a candy bar, you can help turn these stale, unwanted, frosting-slathered sugar bombs...


...into a continuous sugar-high for someone else's hyperactive children.


And really, isn't that what we all want?

So please, visit your local bakery today, and save the cakes. For our future. For our children. And, for the love of Betty Crocker, tell them to stop making cupcake cakes while you're there.

I really can't take this kind of thing much longer.

Thank you.



Thanks to our "generous" "sponsors" Carly R., Garrett B., Jill B., Cheryl, Sabra L., Rasha H., and Dan & Christine M.
Anonymous said...

OMG - that Poo Mesa with Pig is just WEIRD!

Pyg said...

Living on a different hemisphere, I'm now totally excited about going to the USA – home of the wrecks (which I'm going to save loads of, I hope).

AmiDawn said...

is that last one supposed to be a horse? maybe?

bassgirl said...

The last cake is a GREAT depiction of a curly baskir breed of horse!

http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.equinewriter.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/curly-bashkir2.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.equinewriter.com/%3Fp%3D206&usg=__ClOduAnwRZyuDKWkx3HKbedjmCA=&h=338&w=450&sz=42&hl=en&start=0&zoom=1&tbnid=VCKmaKoHueXgqM:&tbnh=121&tbnw=161&ei=w-_kTfqtOKnw0gGjoJTABg&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dcurly%2Bbashkir%26hl%3Den%26biw%3D1024%26bih%3D583%26tbm%3Disch&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=119&vpy=131&dur=7219&hovh=194&hovw=259&tx=186&ty=118&page=1&ndsp=15&ved=1t:429,r:0,s:0&biw=1024&bih=583

Donkaloosa said...

OK, at first I thought the last one was a cow. Now I think it's a horse. Still, it looks more like a dead calf that a living anything. All of those cakes make me NOT want cake!

Judy C said...

NO! I couldn't make myself eat one of those. Ever. I want my cake pretty. Is that too much to ask?

Anonymous said...

In the name of ANYTHING that’s holy- what is that thing?? #1 looks like a Tim Burton reject for an animated film (the colors are too cheerful).

#2= I’m going with a steroid laden chicken.

#3- Purple armadillo, pre-squash.

#4- Please, does anyone else see a pink pig?? I swear, I don’t drink!! (is that a little umbilical cord on its tummy? hurl)

#5- Demented monkey eyeing the pallet of bananas. From the flotsam and jetsam on the counter someone actually bought it and took it home. That’s the biggest WHY of the day.

#6- Gator, post-squash. Looks like radials to me and must’ve been a semi if it wasn’t a baby.

#7- Trojan horse. It comes in the guise of a serving-friendly CCC (patooey) yet makes an insane icing mess when it’s pulled apart (does it scream when you yank off its limbs & face? Shudder) I think it's giving me the stink eye.

Sorry, J & J, it's too cruel to save these monstrosities. We should let them gently expire and mourn their passing in quiet reflection.

-Barbara Anne

Anonymous said...

@ Judy C: But if you eat it, you put both yourself and it out of your misery: It's no longer unhappy, and you don't have to look at it any more.

Littlefoot

shaz said...

I gave at the office...

M. Dale said...

Hehe. :)
I kind of dig the pig-in-the-mud cake. But, I grew up around a lot of pig farms. Also, I'm wondering if the cake is bacon flavored. It should be.

drgns4vr said...

I don't want to be responsible for putting that much sugar into anyone's stomach.

WV lightery I hope next time they go just a lightery on the icing.

Anonymous said...

#2 looks like it's crying! D_8Somebody save it, please! (I mean somebody else save it, please!)

jo said...

LOL love the "save the children" spoof. those cakes did look so.sad. The happy baby devil really freaked me out. Or is it a pig in mud? (PINK, wreckerator, not Red. had to be a guy. they're color clueless.)

wv: surcepu: The question on every toddler's mind about the gastro-intestinal mysteries. What IS the surcepu?

Amy Park said...

When I saw the one with the "Yellow Cake" sticker, I read it as "Pastel Armadillo," and I thought that sounded really descriptive. And then I realized it was the Spanish translation of "yellow cake," pastel amarillo. That's much different. Nevermind.

wv: ingess - If you ingess these cakes, you might get ingigesstion.

Anonymous said...

Aww those poor cakes :(

Usagi said...

I love the fuschia piggy and his little belly button. XD I'd adopt him in a heartbeat.

Donna said...

Poor #2 cake has runny mascara. Looks as if it is begging for a reprieve from being humanely euthanized...Poor Poor whateveritis

Krantz said...

With the first cake, I pictured an aerial view of the South Park characters devouring a snowman, zombie-style...
Maybe that says something about me...?

Wv: ocksi
That poo-pig rolling in poop makes me feel all ocksi.

Jenny Jo said...

That pink piggie cake looks more like a freshly extracted subcutaneous parasite than any other cake ever. I hear if you put a steak over the entry hole, they suffocate and have to come out...

Amanda Mac said...

#2 is the Tammye Faye Bakker of the chicken-cake world.

BADKarma! said...

Um... What happened to the CCC pony's hind legs? And why is it baby-poo green? And do I really want the answer to either of the previous two questions?

BADKarma! said...

Oh, dear... Had to repost, just for the WV...

WV - Ovara: Hey, ugly as these all may be, at least none of them features a uteeroos or an ovara!

Kristers said...

I'm seeing today's blog in my head in flash with a Sara McLaughlin song playing behind it.

Kelly said...

I love the fact that the armadillo cake isn't even labeled right. Unless I can't read, that says "Pastel Amarillo" Double wreck!!!

Anonymous said...

While these cakes do look like they need to be put out of their misery with a sympathy purchase, shouldn't we instead "vote with our $" and NOT buy them--for if we continue to line the coffers of these bakers' pockets when they put out these horrid pathetic creations, they will think "it's okay, someone will buy it!" ;-)

Naantje said...

Cheers to the people who recognized the last one as a horse. I thought it was a velociraptor!

Mrs. Howard said...

Awww, Wreck No. 2's mascara's running.

Ellen said...

@ anonymous at 12:03 --

I love the "anti puppy mill/pet store" cake wrecks plea!

That pig in mud looks as happy as a demented demon -- er, freakish parasite -- um . . . pig in mud!

Great job at raising our gorge -- er, sympathies -- CW team!

BB, Miami said...

I love the fact that we all misread "pastel amarillo" as "pastel armadillo." The idea that the wreckorator would make a pastel armadillo ON PURPOSE, and then proudly label it as such is so very plausible.

Anonymous said...

Awww, the snowman and the chicken remind me of the ugly duckling. They know they are ugly and unwanted....but I don't think there is a happily ever after for them. *sniff*

Is it just me, or does that pig in a mud puddle look like he has an exo-skeleton? Or maybe he's just doing crunches.

I thought the last one was a giraffe.....or a spider?

Andrea

Heidi said...

Haha Kristers, I was hearing the exact same Sara McLaughlin song. I like this cakey version of that sad commercial much better. I think.

crownring said...

I promise you shall never see
an ugly cupcake cake made by me!

Dit said...

Ha ha! I've been reading your blog for ages but never commented before. But now I have to. The first two cakes' sad "faces" have upset me too much. As they don't really do cakes like that here (UK), I just had to eat an ordinary chocolate cake with no sad face in order to help.
I'm glad I don't live in the States. I'd be rescuing poor cakes all the time!

Anonymous said...

Those first cakes look so sad. :(

I'm still never buying something with that much icing (or that generally frightening). My teeth hurt just thinking about it.

WV: Uniscary. Quit it with these cakes, uniscaring me!

Ana V. said...

Ok. :)
So call me crazy, but they all (except for the horse-dog-cow CCC) kinda sorta look...a little bit super adorable. In a creepy but cute baby alien sort of way. Not that you'd catch me EATING one, heavens no, but they just look so darn cute and hopeful! d'aaawww. Poor little things.

wv: coutesse- these are the coutesse wittle wrecks I've ever seen!

sendingtheclowns said...

Desperate times call for desperate measures....SO, I say we should all get together and do what the animal shelters do, when overcrowding is rampant, new offerings are coming in every day, and shelf space is at a premium:
Hold an EVENT!
Why not an Adoptathon? All cakes deemed romotely viable go for a small donation and signed form stating that whatever happens to them after they leave the store- we don't want to hear about it.
OR, put together a Walk For The Cakes Festival~~this could be real fun for the kiddies: Everyone dresses in costumes and parades through town collecting specimens, singing For Those About to Rot (We Refute You).
(PRIZES (!!!) for best costumes, and those who can refrain from throwing up.)
The festivities conclude with
the proper and respectful mass burials-at-sea, or toxic waste dumps. And fireworks.

=^a.a^=

lbriegel said...

But why does that horse/goat/veloceraptor ccc say "Happy 20th Anniversary"? Do you HATE your spouse???

April said...

Things that I have learned from Cake Wrecks:

1) If purchasing cupcakes for your cake...just get cupcakes....not the CCC...as they all look ridiculous. (and we know that bad looking food tastes bad! :P)

b) For entertainment, go to your local grocery and search the cake display for that one special wreck - it is like 'where's waldo!' :D

4 - I mean 3) It is not common knowledge that the golf ball thing at Disney - is called spaceship earth - not Epcot.

I love learning. :D

Pilgrim said...

They should have the children in the "Save the Children" TV ads posing with these cakes.
I bet many more people would sponsor them this way.

furpurrson said...

Well, well, what do you know - the Curly Bashkir Cupcake Cake Horse! An idea that should have stayed on the drawing-board ...

(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Curly_Horse)

Cheesewench said...

Making the pig look like he was made out of cocktail wieners takes an enormous amount of talent. Glorious!

Mags said...

Is that light pink one a roadkill-aardvark??

Those are hilarious!!
:) Mags

Anonymous said...

OK... the brown pile with the red on top looks like a pile of poo with a huge hemmarroid on top!

pikkewyntjie said...

I guess I'm showing my age. I didn't think of Sara McLaughlin at first. When I was reading the narrative, I heard it in the voice of Sally Struthers.

LaceyCakes said...

I thought the label on the third one said "pastel armadillo." Wait, maybe it does. Love, love, love cake wrecks!!

Sasha (Global Table Adventure) said...

The best thing about the last one is that it's for someone's 20th anniversary. hahhaha.

Wendy said...

@ Kristers and Heidi - I had the SAME thought about the Sarah McLachlan song, so I just re-read the post while listening to it :)

Sara said...

I must have no scruples... I would totally eat that crocodile cake.

Joanne said...

Hysterical! Can't stop giggling!

Dread Pirate said...

Okay the pig is kinda cute despite the fact that he looks a little like he is made of radioactive hot dogs.

MistyK said...

They were just being ironic with the piggy. We make sausage outta piggies he made a piggy outta sausage

It also looked to me like cockroach with a pigs face so maybe it was to an ex?



Wv:janisms Sending a cockroach pig cake is such a Janism. Oh Jan

Anonymous said...

Cue the Sara McLaughlin song...

Emma said...

euthanase them all.

Herouth said...

Is that a baby BSD Daemon on a sheet of poo?

I think I'll go with Linux.

Anonymous said...

Sendintheclowns idea is prime. We gather all the tiny surplus rescued dogs in California and send them to apartment dwellers in New York. Is there a comparable/parallel universe for surplus cakes? Norine

tiny p. elephant said...

Is the last one a horse? For a 20th anniversary?

Denise :) said...

Gracious! What the HECK was that last thing??? Yikes!

Emma said...

Why does this post make me think of Sarah McLaughlin?

Anonymous said...

1. Snowman/skeleton/butterfly

2. Baby chick crying because it was stepped on by Godzilla

3. Roadkill

4. Is it just me, or does happy made-of-radioactive-sausage piggy have prominent nipples? And other upstandingly anatomically correct thingies?

5. Monkey/frog hybrid

6. Adorable roadkill (Did I just type that?!)

7. WTF?!? Alien horse/cow/insect?

Word verification: orsest

These are the (w)orsest 'cakes' I've ever seen!

Anonymous said...

I was doing ok: ooh, good wreck; ohh, another good wreck; etc...

Until that HORSE thingy! Not sure why but it had me reeling from my screen in horror! Horse/CCC - EVERYTHING is wrong with THAT picture...!

Letitia said...

so...that last one is a horse with an amputated rear leg? And this celebrates Diane's 20th anniversary of horse amputations??? EEEEEEK!

Elisabeth said...

I would actually eat every one of those. Because after all, it's for the children....and my own sugar high needed to deal with the children...

wv: evericou: evericou should look like that last cake....oh wait, it's a horse...

Craig said...

@Barbara Anne said, "Looks like radials to me and must’ve been a semi if it wasn’t a baby."

I didn't know babies had tires. [Ducks and runs...]

@April 'gets' this board.

As soon as I read the opening factoid in the post, I knew / feared I was about to find out *why* thousands of cakes go unpurchased.

#1 "New on Cartoon Network: 'Ghost Clown!'" Sponsored by the Pro-Coulrophobia Alliance.

#2 Something from 'Phantom Tollbooth' or a really interesting take on 'mother and child reunion' (looks like a chicken made from scrambled eggs).

#3 Someone really knows their multi-lingual puns. I can't *not* read 'amarillo' as 'armadillo'.

#4 Odie. He's not just for Amityville anymore.

#5 Monkeyfrog! You really ought to cut back on the 'pancake' makeup, dude.

#6 One of the Moon Men from 'Bullwinkle' met with an unfortunate accident.

#7 There is something almost artistic about this one -- kind of like a cave painting. Why do I think the cupcakes would convey the same impression.

I would gladly tell bakers to stop with the CCCs -- if I thought they would listen.

Aliza said...

That yellow squished bird looks like the offspring of Big Bird and Gonzo. Me no likey :(

That shiny monkey thing is rather horrifying.

The squashed crocodile, though, is kinda cute.

And I hope that Diane got a divorce for her 21st. Unless he got her a wreck because she's such an ardent CW fan! Then he's clearly awesome :)

As for putting the cakes out of their misery, I'm with sending the clowns here… toxic waste dump. That much icing (ugh… seriously people, it's called "cake", and icing means the finishing), plus what is likely dreadful excuse for cake (given they can't get anything else right). Not edible. And definitely not purchasable! Except for the crocodile, had he not been a CCC.

WV "ovetorti". Sadly, it's more nearnfurti.

msbarrows said...

Took a while of staring in horror at the red pig pile to figure out it was something porcine and not a flea or mite of some kind (blargh!). And my first thought on the last cake was "what a sad little stunted giraffe".

wv - foope; foolishly hope - I foope my local bakery has better cakes then those!

archersangel said...

i'm not sure what some of them are supposed to be.

Doctor Tarr said...

That first ccc is clearly Mothra.

Anonymous said...

I actually like the roadkill alligator. Got to love that face.

Jabby said...

The pig cake is kinda perfect cause it looks like it's been made with hot sausages. Though I'm not sure how tastey hot sausages are with chocolate...

Anonymous said...

I can't tell if that CCC is the dead horse, or the greasy stain on the ground where the dead horse used to be. Either way, does illustrate the point with CCCs perfectly- STOP MAKING THESE UGLY THINGS!

Angel said...

We'll stop making cupcake cakes when people stop asking for them. I seriously can't believe the lame cakes people order from me at Albertsons. So many people really have no idea what can be done with cake!

J. S. said...

The equine cupcake project at the end was kind of cute in a good-concept-but-inadequate-execution kind of way.

Arlene said...

Somehow I think feeding any of those cakes to kids would cause nightmares lol. I know I will have horrid dreams of what looks to be a squashed red alien thing on top of a chocolate poo mountain. Scarred for life lol.

Anonymous said...

Does anyone else find the alligator cute???

amyandtenaya said...

the pig in mud one looks like someone ate too much pink icing that had a little too much pink food colouring

Adorably Dead said...

That last one looked like a my little pony striaght from hell.

Wee Tait said...

Absolutely lovin' the cupcakes haha :)

Anonymous said...

Hey, did you see the Mousse-wreck on Top Chef Canada? :) Holy poop!

Anonymous said...

I know it's a wreck but I would give #2 a home it's kind of cute!!

Pauline said...

How about shipping them to the Island of the Misfit Toys? They'd be in good company, until they were eaten.

Clint said...

Yes, it certainly goes to show that sometimes what you get isn't quite what OH DEAR FREAKING GOD THAT BABY CAKE!!! AAAAA!!! SOMEBODY KILL IT!!!!

Jessica W said...

I just have to point out on the first cake: In the "display" Tinkerbell is flying and happy... In the "realist" cake... she looks depressed... laying down, arms crossed. Dear lord, even the plastic figurine is disappointed in the decorators!!

Anonymous said...

very funny, Craig! I had to read it twice to get it. I did pass English in school but that clearly doesn't mean diddly squat.

-Barbara Anne

Margaret said...

The crying cake.... so sad!

Goueznou said...

Darn, and I could've really used a "Happy Little Demon Pig Made of Intestines" cake not two weeks ago.

Anonymous said...

I was good on that post till I got to the one where they emptied the intestines and then used them to make a pig... shudders.