Monday, May 30, 2011

Flagging Enthusiasm

Monday, May 30, 2011

For reasons so obvious I won't even bother trying to explain them, Memorial Day has come to be synonymous with one thing and one thing only.

(Wait. There's also the furniture sales.)

Ok, two things and two things only.

Furniture sales, and this:

Just to clarify, I'm talking about grilling, not fecally suggestive icing puddles.


Yep, all over the country people are celebrating our military heroes by consuming good old-fashioned American hamburgers...


Flattened and with mayo on top, the way our founding fathers intended.


Hot dogs...

You can tell it's a hot dog because it clearly says, "Hat Dog."


...and, of course, whatever these are:

I'm going with "flaming Doritos."


Of course, bakeries know there's more to this holiday than food that looks like the other food you'll be eating today. That's why they also offer more "patriotic" designs; to stress the importance of remembering and honoring the sacrifices of our military.

It's just about dignity. You know?


Or how about a duck? A duck is totally patriotic:

Especially when you write "USA" on the flag so people know what country they're in.


Well, however you choose to celebrate it, may you have a wonderful Memorial Day. And remember: always show pride in your country by letting your freak flag fly.

Unless you'd rather eat it, of course.

Whichever you choose, just get rid of it. [shudder]


Thanks to wreckporters Chris W., Olivia I., Ashley P., Ashleigh G., Sarah B., Jessi J., & Heather M. for the grilling.


-------------------------------------




Ellen said...

I'd like to see those cakes be just a memory! Blecch!

Also, I rather like the phrase "flaming Doritos" -- a band name, perhaps, or an insult for annoyingly cheesy people."

Thanks, as ever, for sharing the wreckiness!

Andrea said...

Jen, those flaming Doritos are T-bone steaks, obviously. I can't believe you didn't get that. T-bone steaks with flaming turtle legs! :)

jenconbar said...

ahhh... cake wrecks, how i love thee.

Shazzie said...

Call me crazy, but on the duck cake, instead of seeing USA I clearly saw DUC spelled sideways... Because, you know, that makes a BIG difference.
~Sharon

jenconbar said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
steveandonna said...

Love the flaming doritos! Well, off to let my freak flag fly...all while paying homage to those who gave all so we can be free in mocking tastelessly decorated cakes!

Happy Memorial Day!

wv:pingeo - pigeon anagram

Anonymous said...

I think the duck was supposed to be an eagle. I think I could charge those flag cakes treason if I could, those were awful D: A big thanks to our military, urrent and retired :D

Jasry said...

All cakes aside, I'm having a heck of a time saying "freak flag fly" 3 times fast....

Leslie said...

Welp, it's snowing here. Good thing these cakes have cured me of any desire to have a cookout, because we're probably not having one in this weather.

But cemeteries can be visited rain or shine.

JulieGartung said...

@Shazzie -- I totally saw the DUC on the duck cake too!

Those are awesome. I ♥ cake. Even inappropriately poop-shaped ones. :-D

Isolder74 said...

Flaming Doritos. LOL!

Those Porterhouse Steaks must have come from Lilliput!

Is there a way to make a cake that looks like a grill right?

Anonymous said...

Andrea beat me to it: T-bones. But must confess my first thought was why would anyone grill nachos.

Thanks for all y'all do. Wreck on!!

Marie said...

The first cake is from the dog, "If I eat those sausages and replace them with turds maybe the master won't figure it out."

RJ Flamingo said...

I'm still trying to figure out what that square thing before the duck, is. What is that???

Anonymous said...

The "diginity" cake's liberal use of dripping blood is, um, frightening.

SuBee said...

FYI: The United States Air Force Ducks are similar to the Navy Seals.

teabunny said...

Why, yes, I always serve my hot dogs with ribbon. Why do you ask?

Nothing says we remember our troops like a USA hockey penguin on ice pretending to be a duck pretending to be an eagle.

Anna said...

More like flaming IUD's!

Anonymous said...

I think the hot dog CCC (patooey) has at least three times the frosting as cupcakes. (Scuse me while I wipe drool off the keyboard.) If it was the same frosting to real cake ratio I'd be trying to climb through the screen!! Just never did like cupcakes- I think it's the lack of frosting in the middle that does it for me.

-Barbara Anne

wv: poingly
Yesterday's Sweets were poignant but today's Wrecks are more poingly.

Linda said...

Barbecued poop?

Sharyn said...

My first thought when I saw the "flaming doritoes" cake was "Oh my gosh. I think I found Nemo."

WV: dunpawly -- To be completed badly. Example: "Wow. These cakes were dunpawly." (Works best with a Southern accent.)

SimplySweeter said...

Okay.....this was one of the funniest posts yet! Thanks for the howls! LOL

www.simplysweeter.blogspot.com

sendingtheclowns said...

1: Why WOULD one grill blobs of ketchup, pray tell? (If it's not that, then someone needs to see a proctologist, and I wouldn't waste a bleedin' minute.)

2: IF you call fatigue-green meat "patriotic," then sure--that burger is as American as tobacco pie.

3: Hat dog? Hot Damn.

4: OO! OO! I want the one that looks like a little Santa (lower left)!! It has the "head', two "arms", two "legs", and that cute little red, fur-trimmed suit. 'Kay?

5: Not to be irreverent, but it looks as if someone make a sacrifice of sorts on that cake.
MEDIC!!

6: The "eagle" could've been cute, if it didn't look so damn depressed. Maybe it's really a carrier pigeon for the U.S. Postal service, sad because he got hung up on a cloud.

Jeeez, if I'm expected to be subjected to this tripe--on a holiday, at that--then I want better drugs.

MEDIC!!!

=^>.<^=

Creatura Christi said...

Slight correction: that doesn't say 'Hat Dog' --- it says 'Hat 12 og'. No, I have no clue why that makes it more Memorial Day-ish.

Kathryn

kirstie said...

I'm with Shazzie. I thought the duck cake said DUC across his butt, lol. equally silly.

Kimberly Chapman said...

Based on my poking around looking for Memorial Day cakes, I had come to believe that the day was really just a front for the Strawberry and Blueberry Alliance.

As opposed to the Blueberry Alliance With Strawberry group, of course. Splitters.

Paul said...

Jen, those aren't flaming Doritos, they're OBVIOUSLY flaming Epcot Centers!

AAREN said...

I love to eat them once.

Happy Memorial Day!

Destinie said...

I suggest listening to this song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dUFPWW7IqCU
Its amazing! "let your freak flag fly! Let your freak flag fly!"

Teechur said...

Why does that dead bird have a flag on it's back?

Helen said...

From the thumbnail on Facebook I really thought the "flaming Doritos" were tropical fish.

Pauline said...

Unless you are creating a battleship or a robot why would anyone use grey to decorate a cake? Hurl

Lizzy Leigh said...

I think the Flaming Doritos is "supposed" to be t-bone steaks with flames from the grill under them. Not that I would eat it anyway!

Anonymous said...

Lindy:

the 'flaming dorita' one says Grill Cake on the label...lol

Gemma Clasing said...

Gem said...
Why, oh why, must they put two round cupcakes on either side of a large, looong....er, hot dog?!

That's just asking for it if you ask me.

Anonymous said...

If you tilt your head to the side, the flaming Doritos look like fire-breathing fish.

Dave said...

I grew up outside of Cleveland. Due to the Northern Cities Vowel Shift Hat Dog and Hot Dog sound very much the same when spoken by my HS classmates...

Barbara said...

I wouldn't even want to touch that first cake. But strangely I'm now craving a hat dog. I just love those with ketchup while wearing a flea collar. I have some Doritos but sadly they aren't flaming.

Mags said...

I'm POSITIVE that last flag cake is at our local grocery store!!

And I just took a photo of the most pitiful "hamburger" cake to email to you!!

:) Mags

Anonymous said...

Those Flaming Doritos look like they are on the back of a turtle shell!

Anonymous said...

I was going to make a reference to Flaming Doritos and mention that they're not the only things flaming in Orlando this weekend ... until I remembered that particular event is NEXT weekend.

The English Teacher said...

Oh that "cheese" looks real! Cheese on icing -- eeeewwww!

Craig said...

It's a good thing the cakes yesterday were so awesome -- helps to deflect the offense offensive that you *know* would otherwise be happening.

#1 The red blobs are dollops of lava; a novel attempt to get charcoal to actually ignite without resorting to explosives.

#2 The latest addition to the I-n-O secret menu: 'Cake Wrecks Style'.

#3 I also see 'Hat 12og'. And what may be the worst CCC (patooie!) yet.

#4 Aww. Wee little t-bone steaks (no, I don't want to think about where they came from). With Doritos. On a pan of brownies. Three of your four basic food groups in one meal (they left out bacon).

#5 Finally! A cake commemorating the historic Battle of Fort Latrine! It's about time. (But talk about a pyrrhic victory...)

#6 What Memorial Day would be complete without a sighting of the Green Short-winged Flag-backed Eagleduck?

#7 These should be reverently folded in half and given a decent burial.

Sue R said...

I saw the Tbones, right off...but again, I totally see how Flaming Doritos is an option...as for your Duck...could be that it's supposed to be an American EAGLE...but perhaps our baker is in a "fowl" mood? Ugh. propict

Anonymous said...

Isn't that a navy duck? I remember the Navy anthem goes "Be kind to your web-footed friends, for a duck may be somebody's mother..." Right?

archersangel said...

that "hamburger" cake with the "mayo" on top looks like it has algae oozing off of it.

tiny p. elephant said...

the mallard looked like it took a leap and landed in a bed of frosting...

Reverend Ref + said...

@SueBee: FYI: The United States Air Force Ducks are similar to the Navy Seals.

That's awesome.

Annie in Texas said...

The delightful dignity of the dripping orange blood sacrifice of some alien creature for our Memorial Day Celebration is just awe inspiring. Awfully, AWFULLY inspiring. May it wretch in peace.

~Hat Dog~ I'll be choke giggling over that the rest of the day.

Juniper said...

Hmm, if they were aiming for an eagle I think someone's got their ornithology mixed up, because they've done an awfully good job of making it look like a deceased duck. Anyway, why would an eagle be green unless it was an ill eagle? I doubt they would be trying to put illegal things on a cake that also had their national flag on it.

BADKarma! said...

Nothing says "Memorial Day" like Gamorah t-bones. Just sayin'.

WV - Mujil: It's amazing all the way these wreckorators find to mujilate depictions of grilled meat...

JellyJo said...

On the "Flaming Doritos" cake, all I can see are clown fish on a pan of brownies.

WV: sychei - These cakes are sychei tragedy!

Arlene said...

Oh man that first one turned my poor tummy. Never will I look at grilled burgers the same way lol. Makes me wonder why the wreckerators are so fixated on poo. Poor misguided souls...

sendingtheclowns said...

@Dave(4:43)~~

Check it out:


PLAYING THIS WEEKEND
at the Cake Club-(9PM-2AM)

"Hottest" New Band in the area!!

VOWEL SHIFT HAT DOG

Fresh from a "Sold-Out" gig at The Wrecks

I.D.& proper dress optional.

Minimum drink order required.

Anonymous said...

@ Juniper
that pun was AWESOME!!!

I laughed so hard I snorted.

-Barbara Anne

wv: comottic
the commode where you dispose of comedic attempts that failed

Anonymous said...

#1 (or should I say #2?)--why are they grilling ketchup? and cat turds? is that real cheese? YUCK

I love the flaming dancing mini T-Bone steaks. At first they looked like shields until you realize they're on a grill. Unless maybe they're mini-steaks with doritos.

Anonymous said...

Flaming Doritos....a new spicy flavor? A rock band? a gay rights group for snackers?

compelling phrase...

Anonymous said...

why are the flaming doritos stuck to the dirty window?

Anonymous said...

I am pretty sure that cake 2 has a tongue sticking out of it....

Cosmetic Dentistry West Hollywood said...

What are you talking about? Ducks are the most patriotic thing! I mean, our bird was supposed to be the turkey and they're relatives... ?
Also, I think your "flaming Doritos" should have been a T-bone on fire. Someone call the fire department!

Sara

Anonymous said...

I think those 'flaming doritos' are flaming t-bone steaks.

Cloudy said...

This'll probably get me in real trouble, but those flaming Doritos look like nothing so much as symbols of the Sacred Heart. Fellow old Catholics, am I wrong?
Except for the one with the 5 flames--that's just going too far!!!

Jay said...

I'm almost positive that cake says 'Hut Dog' which, in Cape Breton vernacular, is spelled correctly. Finally.

wv: psyclap. Gosh, I don't think I'm qualified to come up with the awesome definition that deserves.

Anonymous said...

I just lost it when I saw the squashed green parrot with the USA label on it. But what does it mean?--who cares, it cleared my pollen-laden sinuses. (sinuses? sini? Sinai?)
Happy Post-Memorial Day
--Blondie's Mom

Tara said...

lol i love the duck one :P

Tara
www.greeneyedopinions.blogspot.com

Eileen Marie O'Rourke said...

I *think* & mind you I am no expert, but those Doritos ARE flaming T-bones!

The Mind of Meagan said...

Ok So...Out of all the things that were wreckably wrong, WHY WHY WHY do they have to make the lines on the grill cakes so far a freakin part...THE FLIPPIN HOT DOGS aka blobs of poo, would FALL aka plop RIGHT TROUGH....arggggggg.....Meg

Damon said...

Kinda digging the last cake there, not gonna lie. It's like "What if we make it look more stylistic and less accidental".

wv: cationey - A short-length animated-motion method of entertainment.

"Silvester and Tweety is a cationey about this cat with a speech impediment that can't catch this bird, which has a different speech impediment."

Adorably Dead said...

Was that little droplets of iced bacon on the first one?? 0_o

Peren said...

The flaming Doritos are obviously meant to be the Pokemon Shuckle.

Joanna said...

Woah... I looked at the duck cake before reading the comment.This is what I saw: Look at the "USA" on the cake sideways. It looks like it's saying "DUC" which was very cake-appropriate.