Friday, April 22, 2011

The Yolk's On Us

Friday, April 22, 2011

I'll be posting my Passover greetings this Monday, but in the meantime, allow me to wish the rest of you a truly heartfelt...

And I mean that.


All together now! Who are we?

W-R-E-C-K-I-E-S!

And what are we celebrating?

E-D-S-T-E-R!!

It's kind of like Easter, only for people named Ed who have an aversion to script.


Of course, to many people Easter is the celebration of Christ's resurrection.

To others, it's the celebration of strung-out bunnies in search of their next omelet.


Sometimes this can lead to Easter being accused of over commercialization, and focusing too little on its religious roots. However, when it comes to cake, at least, I think I can speak for us all when I say...

(Photo removed at the request of the baker. Please enjoy this lovely photo of Epcot.)*

Let's just stick to wrecking the bunnies.

After all, the lamb cake is often said to represent either the Passover lamb or Christ himself. So with that in mind, look at this cake:

[shiver]

Now tell me: which is creepier? That, or...

...this?

Ok, we'll call it a draw.


In fact, both of those were so creepy I nearly pooped a pumpkin! But then I realized that wouldn't be season-appropriate. So instead, I...

...excreted an egg.


Thanks to Megan C., Kelley N., Lisa B., Byron K., Erin E., Kristy B., & Darla D. for cracking us up. Hard-boiled humor like this always goes over easy.

*The picture we removed was of a cross cake which was a bit wonky, had random decorations and was "decorated" (squirted) with white icing. Really quite lovely especially if you're a fan of king cakes.
AvengersWasp said...

That white plastic bunny with shiny white icing looks delish. Just delish.

Oldish Lady said...

Perhaps some nice church could start a fund to bribe Wreckenators stop decorating during this season. The hideous cross and the impaled lamb alone should bring in tons of money for the cause.

However, as an inoffensive heathen, I'm laughing my posterior off, so I wouldn't contribute.

Amy said...

Ok...that HAS to be a chiwawa before that last egg. IT HAS TO BE! CREEPY!

Anonymous said...

The first cake reminds me of "Smoove B." from The Onion (http://www.theonion.com/personalities/smoove-b,1022/)

BP said...

Hahahaha...Easter...*sigh* you never cease to amaze... ;D

Anonymous said...

Egg puns are fun!
Happy Easter
Happy Passover

cc

Trevor said...

You totally didn't go the route I thought you might with the " I need eggs" cake. me, I'd have been down a very insensitive path.....

Usagi said...

Poor barren bunny. I'd be sad if I couldn't have babies, too.

Anonymous said...

A marzipan lamb! That's a bizarre Easter tradition that has been frightening children in my family for years! Still, I do think it's much better than the butter lamb. Or is my Mom the only person who goes on a multi-state search for the creepy butter lamb every year?

Julie said...

That plastic wreck looks like an insect--it has a 3-segment body like a white ant!

Anonymous said...

That pink cupcake plastic bunny thing looks like one of those aliens from Mars Attacks.

Watzspot said...

That last one is......special....

flying gargoyle said...

No, you misunderstand... "Edster" is simply the C&E compliment to "Festivus" for Seculars. ;^)

And those are some scary, scary cakes you have for this Easter Week. How do you sleep at night without seeing them in your dre--, er, nightmares?

Holly @ Domestic Dork said...

As a former puppeteer, no really, I actually got all kinds of warm fuzzies from that scary white plastic bunny cake. The eyes were "peepers." They fit on your finger a bit like a ring to turn your hand into a bare bones puppet. We used to use them during warm ups.

As for religious roots, I would really like to see a zombie Jesus cake to celebrate zombie Jesus day. Really though, the Easter bunny came first {Easter, like Christmas are appropriated from "pagan" holidays).

mel said...

Who knew there would be so many ways to make a lamb cake horrifying??? When I first saw this one I thought there were a few pieces of severed thumb around it...look, they're there...really.... What a wonderful week of Wrecks! Thank you so much, and, of course, to all who celebrate it, Happy Edster!

wv - canow: is able to, as in Billy canow tie his own shoes.

Sharyn in Superior said...

Is it just me -- and if it is, the therapy costs are going to be prohibitive -- or does that first cake look like it's made out of ham salad? Right down to the bits of pickle relish? It's like something a cannibal would serve, which makes the "Dang Girl, It's Easter" seem more like an explanation. "Dang, Girl, I'm sorry I killed you, but it's Easter and I needed some sandwich spread." Erk.

Oh, and "this" is WAAAAAAY creepier than "that" IMHO. The wet sheen puts it over the top.

Happy Edster -- or your holiday of choice -- to all!

tarichuck said...

Actually, the flowers on that cross don't look too bad. The cross, on the other hand, seems to be oozing. Ugh.

Meghan said...

I'm completely surprised by the sheer amount of Easter wrecks there are! Is Easter even a cake-eating holiday? Who knows, but happy Easter, Good Friday, Passover, etc. More importantly though (or at least EQUALLY important), happy Earth Day! ;)

Susan said...

Ummm, I hate to rain matzoh on your cakes but passover ends next week. It began Monday the 18th.

elissa said...

Giggle. Snort. Best Easter post of the week. Nah--it was way better than that. Best of the YEAR! Snurfle (a stifled snicker).

WV: pilin. You just keep pilin on, don't you?

John Dash said...

I am taking comfort in the fact that Mel also saw chopped off fingers in that lamb cake thing. I think I am going into culture shock, thanks.

Donna said...

Why oh why do I feel the cross "cake" is more appropriate for a funeral than the joys of Easter? It sort of looks like all it needs is a zombie hand raising up out of it.

Classic Steve said...

Zombie bunny must... eat... eggsss....

Anonymous said...

Christ is crying in shame over how low the holiday has gone :(

ninja dude 11 said...

Yeah let's eat the method of execution used to kill thousands of people including Jesus Christ next how about a guillotine

Maureen said...

Awesome puns!! Wreckie cakes!! (Or, whatever THOSE were!)

Marion T. Librarian said...

I thought that third cake was ripped straight from the headlines: a bunnified Prince Frederic von Anhalt!

wv: aninc. They won't let me give blood; I'm too aninc.

Ann Onimous said...

Hoppy Edster! :D

mal reynolds said...

mmmmmmmm executional device

Ellen said...

Usagi said...

>> Poor barren bunny. I'd be sad if I couldn't have babies, too.<<

It's especially difficult for bunnies -- that whole fecundity reputation thing puts a lot of pressure on them.

8424c696-390c-11e0-9801-000bcdcb8a73 said...

Thanks for the nightmares I'm sure to have courtesy of that what-the-hell is it cake with the plastic, and the shiny icing that looks so deformed and just plain nasty!

wv: deddic, as in "I'm sorry, your rabbit was deddic on arrival at the bakery."

The English Teacher said...

Isn't that cupcake thing a chihuahua? I've never heard of an Easter/Passover chihuahua before.

Anonymous said...

Am I the only one who thought the cross-cake was covered in umm... "manjuice"?

drumnate said...

That cross is the KING'S cake. Or maybe the King of Kings' cake? Get it? Any Pentacostals out there with me? No? I guess we don't want to talk about King's cakes again.

Oh, and as a full blooded Christian, I am also laughing off my posterior.

LaurenH said...

Really, as the only cake that actually looks appetizing out of this bunch... I think I'm going to celebrate 'Edster' instead!

Anonymous said...

Does the label on that second to last one remind anyone else of "Beetlejuice"?

Esty said...

Personally, I hope the Edster is happy with his cake.

Number 4 must be one of those deep-fried King Cakes, doncha think?

Karissa said...

The lamb looks like a llama!

Craig said...

@drumnate: full agreement. @mel: Anthony! Anthony canow tie his own shoes!!!

#1 belongs in the deli. I looked at that and immediately went to deviled ham with a potato salad border. There's something about this cake / cookie / open-face sandwich that really puts things in perspective.

#2 Edster! The Edinator! Ed-o-rama!

#3 Of course the wreckerator needs eggs, if s/he is going to scramble them to write inscriptions. Or perhaps the reference is to the lack of egg flotsam (which is frankly refreshing).

#4 Now *that* is deep fried! From a bakery in...some state where they deep fry stuff. One of the other 49, that is. Or 56.

#5 This must be a work in progress; not nearly enough flotsam yet.

#6 Now *this* is more like...the stuff of nightmares. Shiny nightmares.

#7 I can't decide if it is paved with sprinkles like the 'satellite' eggs or the batter contains sprinkles. Mmm. Crunchy.

Stacey said...

I seriously thought at first that the second to last one was supposed to be Achmed the Dead Terrorist.

Kate said...

Am I am the only one who yelled " FOR NARNIA!!!" when they saw the lamb Cake? :-)

Vinca said...

*twitch* okay, pet-peeve, but I have to make some mention of how Easter going all eggs-n-bunnies focused isn't being commercialized, it's returning to its original roots as a fertility holiday, which is was long before the Christians came around and decided just changing the meaning of the holiday and letting people still celebrate was easier than telling them to stop celebrating at all. *breath* I mean they didn't even change the name, it's still a reference to the fertility goddess Oestre, and its main symbols are obviously for a fertility holiday: baby animals, eggs, and *rabbits*.

Okay, sorry, like I said, just had to get that out. In any case, happy thank-god(s)-it's-spring holiday of your choosing ^_^

McConnehey said...

My 3 year old son was on my lap while I checked this post and kept asking, "what's that? What's that?" I can honestly said I don't know!!!!

Keeley said...

I'm going to get the Edster cake for my father-in-law. We use that as his nickname. Of course, he doesn't know that, so the cake may come as a surprise..

lisadh said...

#7: *blink,blink* THAT is a lot of sprinkles! I mean...just...wow..it's gotta be the highest "ssi" (sprinkles per square inch) I've ever seen!
Pretty, though...

Anonymous said...

Eek! I think I'm going to have nightmares from the lamb/sheep zombie cake.

crownring said...

The cross with the roses looks like a cross-shaped pan of cinnamon rolls, so the frosting is appropriate. However the roses aren't! Bleah!

Nearly pooped a pumpkin, Jen? Now that's a great trick for Halloween!


wv: gragist. I nearly gragist when I saw that creepy lamb cake!

Anonymous said...

The sad thing is that the EDSTER cake is really pretty, other than the glaring spelling issue... nice trim, lovely handwriting...

ithil said...

Customer wreck! :D
http://notalwaysright.com/congra-duh-lations/11237

Kimberly Chapman said...

To Anonymous at 12:09 PM:

No. It's not just you.

I was thinking that drizzled icing has far too much of a capacity to look like, shall we say, a not-very-well-piped-pearl-necklace in the same way that badly done chocolate icing looks like excrement.

Annnnnnnd it's all over a cross.

I'm an atheist and even I find that kind of icky.

(Was going to say "in poor taste" but it occurred to me that it might, in fact, be sacrilicious.)

Joy said...

My brother, named Ed, is celebrating his birthday tomorrow. The Edster cake could so be his birthday cake.

Renee said...

That religious cake is one hot cross mess.

NiteNurse said...

Two questions: who is the floating ghost guy in the back of the paschal lamb photo? And what/ who do the nearby green shapes represent? On my itouch they look like bugs, aliens, or at least one baby owl (turn screen somewhat sideways for that one...)
also, I'm assuming that all have noticed that the largest lamb Does Not Look WELL.


Terrell

Melissa said...

I'm never going to get that strung out bunny out of my head ever. It will forever haunt my dreams...

Lauralee said...

wow such a funny post here!

Nim said...

I love how the CCC (pattoey!) is labeled as a "mini pull apart cake".

*twitch*I also just love when everyone has to throw their two cents in about someone else's faith (on a humor blog, really?). It's the principle that matters to people, not the name and/or calendar significance! <--coming from a cultural anthropologist

WV: shectur- n. There are no blue-ribbon winners in this shectur of the store.

Anonymous said...

What happened when I saw cake #6:

1. I screamed.
2. The scream turned into a laugh.
3. I decided to figure out what the label said.
4. I zoomed in.
5. I read the label and shuddered, because it said

"Fingeroos(TM) are fun little hand puppets!"

and that cake does NOT look fun. However, it does look tasty.

-zacharyK

wv: inica. Little-known fact: The bakers of the ancient Inica civilization were the first documented Wreckerators.

Kae said...

If you look at the upper right corner of the top part of the cross-mess, you can see the Bride of Frankenstein. It's true!

Mandi said...

This post made me laugh my butt off!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

that lamb cake gave me the shivers!

Camie's Kitties said...

This is why there are so many spelling errors for cakes.

Kae said...

Not to be a pedant, but the "Easter is shang-haied from the pagans" debate is...well...debatable.

Resurrection Day (as one of my Episcopalian friends calls it, and I rather like it) is placed on the calendar in relation to Passover because that's how the crucifixion narrative goes. It's not like Christmas where we have no idea of when Christ was born; the text actually tells you where the crucifixion fell on the calendar. And it just happens to fall around the season where the earth gets all fecund in the northern hemisphere. The important thing to notice is that, actually, only in English does the name tie in with that; in most languages, it actually descends from more obvious Judeo-Christian roots such as "Passover," "Great Night," or a form of the verb "to be released." A festival marking the crucifixion/resurrection came into being in the 2nd century, so it actually predates the importation of Christianity to England and probably Germany (as English is a Germanic language and there are a lot of shared roots,) which is where the Easter (from the month of Eostre, where the date of the festival falls) intersection of pagan and Christian festivals comes in.
Just thought I'd throw in my overblown, linguistics-and-history-happy two cents' worth!

oneneroli said...

Imagine the crunch when you bite into that last cake! How many pounds of those sugar-shard sprinkles did they use? Good thing it's a CCC or you'd dull the blade of your knife trying to slice it.

Anonymous said...

Um. What happened to Earth Day? That hasn't gone over too well, in the past, I think.

Julia said...

I find it so ironic that many times the most awful cakes have perfect roses, yet many people who make beautiful cakes just can't master roses. Weird.

Anonymous said...

Jesus would be proud. XD

Katie said...

Excreted an egg...is that like what Lady Gaga did in her "Born this Way" video? *shudder*

Arlene said...

My brain exploded at that lamb cake.. oooh who was I to think I would escape the lamb cakes this year lol. I am wondering what they did to that crucifix. Or if I even wanna know. Ignorance is bliss in this case I think lol.

Leah the Nosher said...

It's the Easter Chihuahua CCC!!!

Anonymous said...

wtf is #6 supposed to be?? is that icing or a petroleum product?? is that why gas prices are so high- they're hijacking fuel tankers to make frosting substitutes??

can I cram another "?" into this post??

-Barbara Anne??

Eleke said...

The second from the bottom: It's Chase No Face! (Warning - do not google unless you are okay with pictures of kitties thriving and having a good time despite terrible-looking disabilities)

And no Smoking Lambs this year? Those Wreckerators are falling down on the job!

normae said...

lol seriously I thought it was only 10 yr olds making posters that did such as these for public view love it
normae

normae said...

oh nearly forgot your cight is jest egg-strordinary(lol)

Angie said...

Oh my goodness! I am so glad I found this blog! I am in hysterics over here! I especially love the: "Dang girl, It's Easter!"

http://ringosrattales.blogspot.com/

Yiskah said...

anyone care to describe the cake that was replaced by epcot for us johny-come-latelys?

wv: yesewor: positive affirmation of the state of a male in past tense as in
a-"Billy was not ready for the spelling test"
b-"yesewor ready for the test!"

BADKarma! said...

Yiksa - it was a cross cake covered in smeary streams of white cinnamon roll icing and, if I recall, frosting flowers. Yicky on many, many levels.

WV: dykqgjnr - ummm... (blinkblink)... I got nuthin'...

Craig said...

I just wanted to point out that the photo that replaced the [redacted] is Spaceship Earth and not 'EPCOT' as such.

I cannot give silent assent to misleading innocent visitors, no matter how far off-topic, inconsequential or unintentional the misinformation in question might be.

priest's wife said...

very creepy...

Anonymous said...

LOVE the Epcot photo substitution!

Anonymous said...

@Craig- did you actually type that malarkey with a straight face??

-Barbara Anne

wv: displas
n: these are the most horrific displas of Estonian Kissing Day cakes I've ever seen.
or
v: looking at these made me displas my lunch

Greg said...

Those are so hilarious, it really makes me wonder what photo was removed.

Anonymous said...

Removed by request of the baker? You mean someone admitted responsibility for that?!

Craig said...

@Barbara Anne: Did I write that malarkey with a straight face? I never write malarkey with a straight face. I did crank the facetiousness up to '11', though. :-D