Friday, March 18, 2011

Fill Me Up, Buttercup.

Friday, March 18, 2011

The great thing about cake is you can make it look like anything. Dead rat? No problem! Broken toe? Gimmie an hour! Dong cake? You want that in chocolate, red velvet, or Funfetti?

The only problem is that many decorators just don't have the "skillz" necessary to pull off a really good dong cake. [smirk] So instead, they make their cakes look like popcorn.

(For what it's worth, that segue made more sense in my head.)


Now, bakers, the first thing to do when making a popcorn cake - and this is very important - is to try to make a cake that looks like popcorn.

Or maybe just label it "popcorn."

As useful as labeling can be, though, there are still times when you want your popcorn cake to kind of look a little bit like actual popcorn:

So I guess this is not one of those times.


Really, though, I think you can do a little better than that. Go on! Give it a try.

Um. Well, I've never seen beige popcorn before...

Maybe you could try for a more "buttery yellow?"


Too much! TOO MUCH!


Those appear to be Bugles.


Cheetos. Definitely Cheetos.

And that's the back of this guy's head:


Ok, obviously this isn't working. Tell you what, bakers: why don't we try something a little more... drastic?

A-ha! Success!

So the moral is: when you can't figure out how to make something in icing, just put the real thing on there instead!


Although I wouldn't suggest it with the Dong cake.


The health inspectors might complain.



Thanks to John B., Mia & Trinh, Melissa S., Dolly N., Chelsea E., Miles J., Amy S., & John M., who think all popcorn should come with a side of icing. Yeah. Just imagine all that soggy, salty, greasy goodness! Mmmmmmmhurk.
Anonymous said...

How are there so many popcorn wrecks available? And they are all so similar. Is there a sample in some Baker's Handbook? And who is purchasing all of these popcorn cakes, anyway? For what purpose? Taking a cake to the movies? This post filled me with SO many questions!

cccris said...

stupid bakers! how can anybody can buy something from that "bakers"? i will never know.

Erin said...

Loved today's post! I laughed quite loudly and startled my children at the "Those appear to be Bugles" comment.

wv: deetrap
"It's deetrap!"
http://shirt.woot.com/friends.aspx?k=17638

Hannah B said...

While reading this post, I began to wonder to myself: Who is going to buy these ugly popcorn cakes? Why do you need a popcorn cake to begin with? Then I went back and looked at the other three posts you referenced in the intro and realized, oh, those people will.

Also, nice 30 Rock reference in the broken toe post. I always knew I liked you guys.

Jasini said...

It's a good thing that the last cake had real popcorn in it. By the time I got down that far, I'd forgotten what *real* popcorn looked like.

elissa said...

I don't know why, but there's just something inherently wrong in the entire concept of a cake that looks like popcorn. Maybe it's that the two things are just too different--polar opposite snacks. There's a mental breakdown, like those brain teasers where the word for a color is printed in a different color?

I would think that making icing look realistically like popcorn is probably about as impossible as it gets, though.

WV: rashedib. Claiming the popcorn cake icing was a rashedib, Susan realized when she caught sight of the glowing orange globs.

Monica said...

Popcurn is delicious. Cake is delicious. Popcorn on top of cake...not so delicious. Like pickles and peanut butter...well, maybe not, because I hate pickles. BUT THE ANALOGY STANDS!

Katie said...

Hahaha...that cake totally looked like Naruto's hair. Nice call.

Royce said...

I as I looked at all the popcorn wrecks all I could was shake my head. And then I got to the last dong comment. Didn't see that coming and I burst out laughing and almost choked. The visual in my head didn't help much either.

Costumeholic said...

You've never had beige popcorn? My spouse has it all the time. It is "slightly" burnt microwave popcorn. He swears by it.

Anonymous said...

Popcorn IS hard to make-although I imagine it could be done MUCH better than those cakes

Alexa said...

My kid loves popcorn with whipped cream. I have never brought up the possibility of frosting as a dipping sauce, but I bet she'd go for that, too. And we had popcorn for breakfast today.

Anonymous said...

Terri M.

interesting popcorn cakes.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/u-eet/3302814442/in/faves-californiagirl27/ <--this is how you make a popcorn cake.

Mary Connealy said...

When I talk to my psychiatrist this week, and start talking about dong cake, he's gonna up my meds, you just wait and see.


I'll blame you of course, but it won't save me.

:)

Kimberly Chapman said...

Egads, it's like white poo!

For the record you can make miniature popcorn by not-quite-thoroughly mixing lots of white fondant with a little bit of light brown and the dried crumbs of some dark brown. Then let it sit and dry for awhile, then chop it roughly into tiny pieces. Then let those dry until completely hard.

Voila: http://kimberlychapman.com/crafts/cakes/cake-2010alienfilmfestival-prophoto2.jpg

Making a gelatin-"glass" machine is more advanced but any beginner can make the basic popcorn, sculpt a little fondant bowl, and that'd look lovely on a cupcake or some other small setup.

Melinda said...

Although I wouldn't suggest it with the Dong cake.


The health inspectors might complain.


Bwahahaha! Not to mention the donor of the, er, "cake decor."

I love how the last one still had to have a label that said "popcorn," despite having the word written on the cake and, well, actual popcorn.

Lily said...

Anonymous: The cake you provided a link for is better, but it looks more like cottage cheese, or instant oatmeal...

Donna said...

Cake 7 (Back of the guy's head) actually looks more like Peeps to me. Which would be ok, if you like marshmallow....I was waiting for a dong cake with a real dong though..something to kick off my Friday right! :)

Anonymous said...

Loved the post but I have to say having successfully made one of these cakes popcorn and icing IS delicious, just like icing on saltine crackers.

As for why? movie themed bridal shower ;)

WV: comindip

Comindip your popcorn in some butter cream icing, it will blow your mind ;)

SuBee said...

Funfetti dong cake! It's not just for breakfast anymore!!



wv: begiz-I can't begiz to tell you how much I enjoy this blog.

Anonymous said...

Bowls of popcorn and dong cakes....brings back a little risque behavior I heard about as a teen.....

wv: itatraph -- Don't put your hand in that box of popcorn - itatraph!

Anonymous said...

WV: exixi. "A real dong cake would be rated exixi."

Susan said...

Popcorn on a cake sounds pretty nasty to me. Yuck

Anonymous said...

Anonymous 11:31
"Don't put your hand in that box of popcorn - itatraph!"

I'll be laughing all day!

Hillary said...

I'm peeing in my pants right now laughing so hard. If I hear the words "Dong Cake" one more time I'll loose it completely...

Please say "Dong Cake" again tomorrow!!!

Becky said...

The last cake (with the real popcorn) actually sounds pretty good. I love combining sweet & salty foods together like that.

WV: mispill - at least they didn't mispill the word Popcorn on any of the cakes today

J. said...

Waiting for the dong cake post...

damadelsol said...

You can always have your leftover popcorn for breakfast... http://foodnetworkhumor.com/2011/03/ridiculous-food-network-recipe-of-the-week-rachael-rays-leftover-popcorn-breakfast-cereal/

Sunshine said...

dong cake.. {snorting so hard my kids are staring at me} dong..

breathe...

There, that's better.

Daisy said...

Is there a popcorn cake trend that I don't know about? Seriously? I suspect that as with CCCs (ptoooie!), there's a publication out there somewhere that supermarket chain bakers who lack creativity rely on for ideas...(shudder)

Squirrel Leigh said...

Just like to say that I'm proud of us as a cake loving community, as we have so far been able to resist the temptation to suggest mixing a, ahem, "detailed privates" cake with a couple of popcorn balls.

...oh. Well I suppose now we have.

M. Dale said...

What I don't understand is all of the frilly icing borders. If you're going for anything near realistic, why would you include that? I've never seen a tub of popcorn with a frilly border.

Colleen said...

Ok, insider here. I work at the same store that those cakes come from. In fact, I'm the cake decorator there. I've made dozens of those cakes. And the worst part is most of them are almost exactly like the black and white print out that came with the directions.

And there was a whole spread, not just the popcorn cakes. There were hamburger cakes that looked like tacos, there were cupcakes that looked like cherry pies, even cakes slices that looked like grilled cheese sandwiches.

These instructions and horrible pics are given to all the bakeries and we are supposed to make them to put in our case. And people bought them. That was the funniest part!

So here is my case, you can't see the popcorn cake but the others are there...
http://tinypic.com/r/2ngwygm/7
http://tinypic.com/r/29w6emp/7
http://tinypic.com/r/2v34rb9/7
http://tinypic.com/r/4rdhzn/7

Gary said...

"Although I wouldn't suggest it with the Dong cake."

Or the dead rat cake. Please.

Jabby said...

Putting actual popcorn on the cake might work with caramel popcorn. Butter flavor....no.

Popcorn is one of my most favorite snacks. I feel so wronged by these cakes that I *demand* a Sunday Sweets of snack themed cakes :)

Wendy said...

maybe some of the um, *brighter* colored popcorn is "cheddar" or movie style "butter"..? Now with extra FD&C Yellow #5!

Hidden Desire said...

I work at WEIS Markets as a cake decorator and I have a degree in pastry arts. I use mini marshmallows and air brush them and use chocolate like dots to make them look like popcorn. People love them lol. These are sad.. Sad, Sad popcorn containers lol. <3

Tara said...

I know it's been said, but really, popcorn cake??? Why?

Carrie said...

I just hope the poo cake decorators don't read this blog and take your advice on using the real thing instead :/

sarajean80 said...

Iced popcorn sounds magically hurlicious.

Rev W said...

Damn you, Cakewrecks. Now I have to not only make a Queen Cake ( not deep fried), I have to make a Happy Dongday cake. And resist combining them. With popcorn. Life is hard.
Rev W.

Lindsey said...

It looks like the bakers all had trouble with the lettering, too! "PoPcoRN" - did the same wreckerator bounce between bakeries? I'd probably have fired him/her, too, once I saw the PoPcoRN cakes...

lisagems said...

You just keep hitting more of my personal Geek buttons.

Go Naruto!

Just one question? Why would anyone *want* a popcorn cake?

Anonymous said...

Am I the only one who gets tempted to try and make a better one just because it looks like anyone can?

Popcorn and cake??? Who'd thunk it.

wv: plitact - no matter how many ways you try to apply buttercream as popcorn, it ain't tactful.

JB in Florida

Kristers said...

Ok NOW I'm having a craving for Bugles.

Mr.Sprinkles said...

I laughed so hard at today's post I almost peed a little. Oh wait... :)

Ellen said...

Laughing, as always!

At my advanced age, I no longer crave salt and sweet in alternating doses. But, when I was younger, I might have found the cake with the real popcorn convenient . . . um . . . once a month . . .


wv - centm

Ellen, this time you've centm TMI!

lisadh said...

You see wrecky popcorn cakes. I see lots of yummy frosting goodness. (At least it's not blue, green, or brown!)
=)

Anonymous said...

Colleen @12:41,
Is it so wrong that I kind of like the cherry pie cupcakes? I don't know what the heck the other cupcakes are supposed to be though. They look like someone took a torch to them!

wv: spermsi: There's no way I'm gonna touch this one. Especially with all the dong cake references!

Marie said...

I kind of liked the first cake even though it looked like meringue on top. The third one looked like white chocolate kisses.

Craig said...

If there is one 'improvement' theater 'food' needs, it is to be even messier than before.

Most of these look like a mug of...Shaving Cream! (Cue Dr. Demento.)

#2 A bucket of Peeps does sound like a good idea -- until you actually eat it. I wonder if there is a dentist that is open after the movie...

#3 'Pop Couch'? Clicking reveals that the 'r' looks suspiciously like the symbol for Pi. But that was four days ago. In any event, why the insistence on making 'popcorn' into two words? I see a theme developing here...

#4 Oh, 'Pop CoRN'! Ok, I get it now. Perhaps a bucket of potatoes au gratin will catch on as the next movie food fad. Works for me. (If these wreckerators worked for me, they wouldn't work for me.)

#5 A bucket of Bugles also works, though buttercream (I hope) frosting is not my first choice of dip. *urk*. I like how this one goes for the compromise by eliminating the space: 'PopCoRN'.

Perhaps these wreckerators are working their way through nursing school -- which is as scary a thought as I've had in a while.

#6 Cheetos, yes. Frosted Cheetos, not so much. Still another name variation: 'PoPCORN'.

#8 Points for 'realism' at least, even if it is cheating. Also odd that this is the only one of the set that didn't FiNd it NEceSSaRY to mIx cASeS, like a ransom note in frosting.

I like the helpful sign -- from our friends at the Department of Redundancy Department. The neon pink one to the left probably says, 'cake'.

Come and get your hot, butter(cream)ed popcorn! Yum!

gemcitytiffany said...

There's a great technique where you pipe globs of white chocolate into ice water. It comes out looking like pop corn and with a bit of airbrushing, it's pretty believable.

Also, I made a hilarious dong cake last night. The entire time I was making it, I was cracking up laughing and praying to never see it on this site lol

Emily said...

Oddly enough, I want actual movie popcorn now. Butter in the middle, butter on top. And extra napkins.

Anonymous said...

OMG, I love you guys!! That brought tears to my eyes!

MissNay said...

:)

Adorably Dead said...

I would so eat the last popcorn cake, my siblings however would probably perfer bugles more.

BJ said...

1st thing hubby asked where's the ding wrecks... no he's not 20-something...

that's awful i too was filled with more questions than answers.. :)

Erin said...

I had no idea until the third cake in that those were supposed to be the red and white popcorn boxes. Huh.

Michelle said...

Some of those look like someone cut off the butts of marshmallow peeps and stuck them on the cake! Poor butt-less peeps.

Michelle

Anonymous said...

Oh heavens, next an extensive post of Lorena Bobbit cakes - but Jen could make even that funny. Sorry, that was sick, you can, of course, not publish that one - I just could not resist. Norine

Latinacreativa said...

Cakes #4 scare me- they look like they might burn your fingers off. As an avid popcorn enthusiast, I take offense at the incredulous work portrayed here. Naruto is probably offended as well; I see a possible copyright infringement in the works-sneaky!!

wv: lackavraety
"Perhaps the reason for the sheer number of these, is the lackavraety in the teaching manuals.

Jennifer... just Jennifer said...

Colleen @ 12:41,
I was curious so I checked out your links. Interesting. But what was WAY cooler is that site then recommended other pics I may like, one of them being... (wait for it)... THIS!
http://tinypic.com/view.php?pic=4rdn5s&s=7
Oh, from popcorn cakes to Ace Ventura! My day is complete!

John Daniel said...

Evidence I am fasting each Friday of Lent: every single cake that was not a dong looked appetizing.

min said...

@ Colleen - I would totally buy one of those cherry pie cupcakes. They're just the right combination of odd and adorable.

Managed Hosting said...

There are hardly words to describe those images, and even less that so many look exactly like the same disaster. The "popcorn" looks anywhere from a Dragon Ball Z character, to the Jack in the Box cone hat, to a burnt marshmallow disaster; either way, putting "POPCORN" on the front doesn't make it a popcorn cake. What happened to just sticking to flowers? Simple enough!

vhamster said...

Would love to see examples of this actually turning out well for a Sunday Sweet.

Anonymous said...

Wait -- if you have a dong cake made with Funfetti, wouldn't that be a "spotted dick" cake? <>

pikkewyntjie said...

Now I want to see a non-wrecked popcorn cake to know how one should look. I cannot even imagine how it would be done.

WV: comenta

I wanna comenta on da posta.

Oldish Lady said...

Now a CrackerJack Cake made with buttered carmel popcorn that I could see....

But the only thing worse than a regular popcorn cake I can think of is the real stuff with no butter or salt.

DJ Twisted Sister said...

LOL...it's like being in a hall of mirrors!

Colleen said...

The other cupcakes are actually brownie bites that I tried to make look like popcorn though the pic doesn't really show them well. I did have a lady who thought they were so cool that she wanted 2 trays (48 total) of them for her movie night.

JenericFN said...

You said dong. THREE times! That takes cojones.

Anonymous said...

"Mmmmmmmhurk" is the best onomatopoeia I have ever heard. I hope the interwebs pick up on that one!

Vikki said...

I wonder if one of those is from a Safeway. I've noticed a popcorn cakes at a few of the local stores. I took a picture and never sent it in too. Oh well.

Anonymous said...

Colleen,
I hope you weren't offened by the flamethrower remark that I made earlier. I couldn't tell what they were from the picture. They just looked burnt to me! As a normally polite Canadian, I'm feeling some angst at the thought of hurting your feelings! :)
Karen

Aren said...

Argh. All three in the second picture look like they were frosted with mashed potatoes. And I'm not okay with that.

Romaine said...

Who knew that there was such high demand for cakes to look like a bowl of popcorn....seriously.

Larissa said...

I saw a show on food network a while ago where the chef took white chocolate and squirted little globs into ice water. It caused the lump of white chocolate to form in the perfect popped corn shape. Brilliant. Someone needs to tell these bakers...

Arlene said...

Mmmm popcorn and icing.. oh so tempting. Knowing me I would try it too just to see if it was gross. Where on earth do these bakers buy their popcorn? Most of those looked like marshmallows or white chocolate chip chunks. Someone should toss popcorn at them..

Stephanie said...

Those aren't Cheetos. They're Mr. Twisty's Twisted Cheese Curls! Now where's the root beer...

Muria said...

Colleen,

I like the cherry "pie" cupcakes too (even better if they had cherry filling). I think an odd cupcake or brownie has a whole lot more selling appeal than a whole cake. A cupcake is $1-3. A cake can get pricey. I personally can rationalize a cupcake purchase that looks a little off the wall more than I can rationalize a whole cake. But that must be just me, if they're selling.

I lost it the last two lines, too. Genius, Jen!

Colleen said...

The big things don't sell usually, they are just filling for the case. I sell a lot more of the brownie bites than anything else. And these are all made of buttercream and cake. We don't have access to white chocolate or fondant to make cool things. We are expected to follow the instructions for making the cakes, and to do that and nothing more. It kind of sucks but I try to branch out and make something fitting the theme but not the same as the stuff that I'm told to make. I'm such a rebel... ;)

And no worries, I'm not a trained decorator but I try to do my best. I know it's not the most wonderful stuff but I try.

Kim Nath said...

Ah hahahahahahahaha!

Kristy said...

When you said the top of that cake looks like the back of this guy's head, I was expecting to see a picture of Guy Fieri.

Peachy said...

The first cake looks like a pie with *way* too much meringue.

Anonymous said...

LOL cake naruto

Robin said...

I thought popcorn with icing sounded gross too, until I remembered buttered popcorn jelly belly beans. mmmm . . so good! Buttered toast too. Maybe I'm just a weirdo. :)

Marinan said...

You made my day. Naruto and Cake Wrecks together!

Michelle said...

I wanna see the dong cake. How do I get a copy of the un-smiley'ed version?

J.Samuel Ross. said...

Poor Naruto, He can never find any respect. If he isn't being horribly abused and mistreated by the village, people are making terrible cakes reminiscent of him.

Miles Johnson said...

I can die a happy man! A cake I submitted appeared on CakeWrecks.com. Dream fullfilled! Winner!

air max said...

i want to get a piece of cake!!!! i love it.

Susan said...

I honestly thought it said "those appear to be Budgies" on first glance. Hey they coulda been!

Anonymous said...

actually, those are poopcorn cakes- it's just a spelling issue

-Barbara Anne

Anonymous said...

they look like meringues. when they're not so yellow....

Marianne said...

I'm not going to pretend that I wouldn't eat a cake topped with real popcorn...

Anonymous said...

the only thing that comes to mind is the muppets swedish chef making popcorn...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AvDvTnTGjgQ

Anonymous said...

You know, that last one is pretty awful. But for those of you who haven't tried it, popcorn and chocolate frosting is one of the best bad for you snacks there is.

LaLanya said...

Secret to *dong* cake...white curly ribbon.