Happy Hanu...Channa...Festival of Lights!

It's Chanukkah, everybody! I can't believe you didn't remember! I mean, I've known for... uh, weeks and... weeks. [poker face] And, naturally, since I knew this day was coming well in advance, I've been saving all the best Hanukah wrecks for this very moment.

Like... um...this one:

Now, Jen's the one with the Jewish roots, but I believe this is called a "men-OR-ah."

What's that, Jen? It's not a Hannnukah cake? But...but... it's blue and white!

Fine.


Everyone knows that Hanuchah is the Festival of Lights. So, um, here's a candle:

As you can see, it's very Jewish.


And here we have the great patriarch Moses, crying over the fact that the oil has run out for the holy Jewish lamps:

(For some reason Jen isn't looking very happy right now. Hm. Well, better just keep going.)

Channikah lasts 8 nights, of course, and each night the Ghost of Chawnucahs Past visits all the good little Jewish children...

(Ow! Stop that, Jen, I'm on a roll!) ...bearing holy Jewish Dream Catchers:


And finally, while Jen is busy nursing that headache, let's end with a traditional Hawnuka cake from the great Jewess herself, Sandra Lee:



Yes, I believe those are plastic pearl beads.


Um, Jen's just gone apoplectic, but through the screeching I think I heard something about showing you the video of Sandra making this culinary delight, so you can judge for yourself. So, here 'tis:

Huh. Well, after watching this, all I can say is: thank goodness marshmallows are kosher.


[Update: That was sarcasm; marshmallows aren't kosher. Unless they are. In which case, they would be kosher. Those, however, aren't kosher. Glad we cleared that up.]

Now to all of our awesome Jewish readers - who have even awesomer senses of humor - have an amazing Hanukkah. Also, Jen says to say that she didn't teach me any of this stuff. (Aw. She's so humble.)

Elizabeth B., Allison P., Shannon B., Annie P., and Alex M., I don't know why but now I totally have Hakuna Matata stuck in my head.

And now you do, too.

It means no wo-rrieees... for the rest of your daaaaaays...