Thursday, December 2, 2010

Happy Hanu...Channa...Festival of Lights!

Thursday, December 2, 2010

It's Chanukkah, everybody! I can't believe you didn't remember! I mean, I've known for... uh, weeks and... weeks. [poker face] And, naturally, since I knew this day was coming well in advance, I've been saving all the best Hanukah wrecks for this very moment.

Like... um...this one:

Now, Jen's the one with the Jewish roots, but I believe this is called a "men-OR-ah."

What's that, Jen? It's not a Hannnukah cake? But...but... it's blue and white!

Fine.


Everyone knows that Hanuchah is the Festival of Lights. So, um, here's a candle:

As you can see, it's very Jewish.


And here we have the great patriarch Moses, crying over the fact that the oil has run out for the holy Jewish lamps:

(For some reason Jen isn't looking very happy right now. Hm. Well, better just keep going.)

Channikah lasts 8 nights, of course, and each night the Ghost of Chawnucahs Past visits all the good little Jewish children...

(Ow! Stop that, Jen, I'm on a roll!) ...bearing holy Jewish Dream Catchers:


And finally, while Jen is busy nursing that headache, let's end with a traditional Hawnuka cake from the great Jewess herself, Sandra Lee:



Yes, I believe those are plastic pearl beads.


Um, Jen's just gone apoplectic, but through the screeching I think I heard something about showing you the video of Sandra making this culinary delight, so you can judge for yourself. So, here 'tis:




Huh. Well, after watching this, all I can say is: thank goodness marshmallows are kosher.


[Update: That was sarcasm; marshmallows aren't kosher. Unless they are. In which case, they would be kosher. Those, however, aren't kosher. Glad we cleared that up.]


Now to all of our awesome Jewish readers - who have even awesomer senses of humor - have an amazing Hanukkah. Also, Jen says to say that she didn't teach me any of this stuff. (Aw. She's so humble.)

Elizabeth B., Allison P., Shannon B., Annie P., and Alex M., I don't know why but now I totally have Hakuna Matata stuck in my head.

And now you do, too.


It means no wo-rrieees... for the rest of your daaaaaays...
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Diana said...

Sandra Lee isn't realy is she?!?!?! Oh, great Julia Child's ghost...please tell me no!

mimiheart said...

... Except most marshmallows aren't kosher.

Just thought you ought to know.

Leslie said...

For some reason this post just screams "You will have a major Epcot situation on your hands by the end of the day."

I'm...just gonna stand over here....

*crawls into a bunker with popcorn*

Leah Hollett said...

I find it interesting that Sandra spent more time making the inedible decorations than she did on making the ACTUAL cake! Gah! She is so lame!

Anonymous said...

Wow. That video. Simply wow.

You know, I'm Catholic and I'm really, really used to God being referred to by all sorts of (good) nouns, like father, mother, lord, protector, etc. But 'cute'? The Star of David--the Shield of David--being referred to as 'cute'???

Anonymous said...

Oh, Sandra Lee. Does anyone remember the Cosby Show episode(s) where someone sneaked a piece of cake, then stuffed it with other materials and re-iced to cover up their thivery? I got real nervous when she went for the paper towels.

Anonymous said...

Wait, what are we celebrating again? Is it Chewbacca?

Anne said...

Oh, Sandra Lee! No one can wreck something like you.
That's not really doing it for me as a Star of David. But maybe I'm not seeing it because I'm not Jewish. Although that means I could eat the marshmallows, methinks.

Libby said...

I'm trying to remember who referred the Kwanzaa cake from the same episode as "a hate crime on a plate."

You CAN get kosher marshmallows made with fish gelatin, which I currently have in my cupboard for my son allergic to eggs and beef. It doesn't look like she used that brand, but, really, that's the least of her semi-homemade culinary sins!

Aliza said...

Given Hanukkah foods are deep fried (that whole oil bit), I'm relieved wreckerators don't do Hanukkah-decorated doughnuts!! I'm glad wreckerators aren't thinking about my holidays much -- although it does mean fewer wrecks :(

P.S. most marshmallow's actually aren't kosher because regular gelatine isn't. But since it's unlikely anything else in that "the flour and eggs died for this?!" angel food monstrosity are, it probably doesn't matter!

Maria said...

As someone who cooks AND bakes (different things), Sandra Lee is a personal affront. If her show comes on TV, I change the channel.

That... that... thing? My cat can pull off something better.

*headdesks*

Becky said...

I REALLY don't understand the marshmallows! I want to see her cut into that cake and serve it.

And thanks, Sandra Lee, I NEVER would have thought to purchase a cake and some frosting and combine them. Duh!

Anonymous said...

"And you can make it any shade of blue you want, to match your decor"

I'm not even Jewish and I'm offended!

And her Star of David was two six-pointed stars put together instead of two triangles put together to make a six-pointed star! Oh my Lord.

Anonymous said...

Is that woman for real?

"Make it any blue color that you want...whatever matches your decor." Yikes.

NiteNurse said...

I'm getting in the Epcot Shelter with Leslie. "Snort-Sandra --menorah-snort."
" Hey Leslie, pass the popcorn. I brought rice Krispies bars and, of course, cake. 'K?"

Babs said...

Sandra Lee: I don't have cable so I've never seen her show. Is it titled, "Anyone Can Have a Cooking Show?"

Upupaepops said...

it says linked vi foodnetworks humor section

but I certainly cannot find said humor section

She is supposed to be a legit member of the foodnetwork "team"

but what the fark this is in all ways offensive as humor or as "for real"

not broad enough for humor, like the SNL Julia Child riffs

Amy's Cooking Adventures said...

Had anyone seen My Big Fat Greek Wedding? I thought she was going to stick a plant in the center like they did in the movie. The marshmallows were horrifying enough!

CantStopBaking said...

Ok,first of all- you could'nt find any more authentic Hanukah wrecks? Come on guys, I am dissapointed! Second, every single kosher grocery store sells kosher marshmallows. Third that cake on the video looks nauseating- it looks like its frosted in silly putty. And lastly, putting wires straight into a cake is not food safe, although none of that cake looks food safe imho.....

Lynn said...

I am so tempted to order a dreidel CCC just to see what would happen.

pockyraider said...

Am I the only one who gets the "Germany hear we come!" cake popping up in the more, more, more section?

Heh....

Julia said...

I saw the Kwanzaa cake as well!!! That was one wrecktastic episode wasn't it? I love how "semi-homemade" involves store-bought cake,icing, and marshmallows(???). Apparenly food coloring and horrible, inedible plastic are the homemade part?

john (the hubby of JEN) said...

Cantstopbaking,

We have 13,000 wrecks in our archives and what you see represents all of our Hanukkah cakes. I know. Wreckorators are dropping the ball.

john

Anonymous said...

Part of me thinks that Sandra Lee is a marketing ploy, designed to attract viewers who watch only to see what train wreck will happen this time.

That no one producing the show imagines that what Sandra Lee makes is anything but awful, and that this is actually part of the design concept for the show.

And that the skill involved in making the show is to keep each episode just this side of plausible. (Marshmallows inside of an angel food cake, without any explanation, as if it's normal? Genius!)

Despite being somewhat cynical, this possibility gives me hope for the world.

Please tell me it is true.

Please?

RoseAnn said...

OMG! I can't believe that lady has her own show on the Food Network! What a joke!

Trevor said...

Okay, this is awesome, and even more proof of why Sandra Lee is Satan. She is, trust me.

However, I am BEGGING you guys. BEGGING!!!! to put the video of Sandra Lee making a Kwanza cake when you try to do a Kwanza post later this month. OMG. It's SOOOO funny

Anonymous said...

Anyone fussy enough to try matching icing to their decor is not going to bother with the likes of you, Sandra Lee!

Anonymous said...

My decor doesn't match anything found in the baking aisle, and the pearl-wire-marshmallow combo WOULD make for an interesting serving conundrum. I would be so p*ssed to get a slab of frosted-grocery-store angel-food-cake-with-marshmallows.

Oh, and marshmallows are totally not Kosher! (I HAD to, sorry!) *giggle*

Marissa and Aidan said...

I can't get past the blue icing clashing with her red sweater. *sigh* Sometimes I think making a "token" cake is more offensive than just omitting a holiday.

Kae said...

I think we can file Sandra Lee in the "reasons people from other countries believe Americans are idiots" folder. They PAY her? To put a can (*ptoooii*) of frosting on a cake she didn't make and garnish it with inedibles and unkosherables?

I'll bring the soda and antipsychotics to the Epcot shelter!

Jessica said...

wv: catio - The comments are getting a little catio. But the wrecks (and Sandra Lee) deserve it!

scrapopotamos said...

Um... I know not of this Epcot shelter, but I would like to be invited. I make excellent brownies! We had our traditional fried latkes last night, and they qualified as more of a wreck than that cake (they were made by a 7 year old after all). I should have taken a picture...

Now I am tempted to order a dreidel cake just so I can help give you some material.

Jessica said...

OooOh, the marshmallows are to hold up the "decoration" in the center. How "clever" is that?

Really, this woman has a Food Network show? Really?

S.D.Lantos said...

Did I ever tell you how much I love you? Well I do. Especially today. Thanks for the laffs!

Count Mockula said...

Marshmallows and everything else aside... who puts frosting on an angel food cake?! I have never had that, and it sounds just awful.

Hollie said...

THAT WOMAN IS A MESS!! How does she have her own show? Seriously, HOW?

John said...

*picks up the harmony*

It's our problem-free...

BADKarma! said...

Ironically, Greater Kansas City has a fairly large Jewish population. And a remarkable number of truly inspired wreckerators to -ahem- "celebrate" the occasion. We're talking actual, "plastic-dredle-menorah-and-star-of-david", purpose-built WRECKS, rather than the garden-variety "it's blue and white, so it's Chanukkah" sort showcased here. Lucky us.

Donna said...

Thank you for helping me with my pre-holiday diet...I have lost any speck of appetite I had. YUCK.

Marcy W. said...

I'm SO jumping in the bunker with Leslie and NiteNurse! I'll bring cream puffs! You know, the "semi-homemade" kind that you buy "at the store" and then "eat"...in your "home." BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I LOVE THIS BLOG SO MUCH!!!

WV - purgaggr: the sound one makes while watching Sandra Lee "cook"

Angie said...

Just chiming in to share my love of you guys. Absolutely love you!

Sandra Lee's "cake"... yeowza.

Sandra said...

Ugh, this Sandra Lee can do better than that! I'm glad it was marked as humor because I didn't see the humor; just weird. I finally saw the reason for the marshmallows as some one pointed out to hold up her "star of David".
Sandra Lee

Summer S said...

I love how Sandra is so casual about frosting, but "first, I have to put in the marshmallows..." as if that is a perfectly normal thing to do. GROSS! Frosted angel food aside, plastic, inedible pearls aside (nothing says Festival of Lights like a string of plastic pearls from the craft store!), and even if you can ignore the monstrosity of the "star"/pearl/wire thing, who wants to slice into a cake and find blue-frosting-gooped fat marshmallows inside?! Again, GROSS!

Looking forward to Kwanzaa! (squee!)

Anonymous said...

As if the chemical-vanilla frosting tinted with chemical-blue coloring wasn't enough on the storebought cake, the scene where she's using the spatula to stuff the marshmallows in the hole in the center just before she paves it all over with more grody frosting is just the summation of all the reasons why I despise Sandra Lee and all she tries to feebly stand for.

I'm all for shortcuts when you're busy, but if all you can do is dump some repulsive frosting on a storebought cake, then just buy a cake. Already frosted. Stop the pretense that you even gave a rat's red rump of caring.

WV: gagst. 'nuff said.

DD said...

OK, so is NO ONE else going to say how loud they laughed at their computer after seeing the ccc {ptuie} "As you can see, it's very Jewish." Am I the only one who thinks that is comedy genious?? OMG. I love it. Hysterical.

Anonymous said...

Why didn't she just fill the thing with pork chops and clams?

Persephone said...

Holy Jewish Dream Catchers!!!
That's going to be my new expletive! I'll use it every time I visit this site, as in: "Holy Jewish Dream Catchers! What on earth is that?"

Rascalmom said...

That...that last cake is just beyond gross. I cannot believe that woman gets paid to do cooking on TV. I don't even bake that much and I could do a 100% better job. UGH! And I looove frosting but I think she might have just made me disgusted by frosting for the first time in my life. "I'll just draw some lines on this with my knife, for a little decorative touch." Nothing says decorative like, "I can use a butter knife. Watch!"

Seriously, was that a comedy sketch or was she truly in earnest? I will wonder about this all day. If it WAS a comedy sketch, well then...marvelously done. Marvelous.

kittymidori said...

(singing the Dreidel song)

I have a little cake wreck
That's blue and on a tray
And when it's frosted plenty
The flotsam I will lay!

Oh! Sandra, Sandra, Sandra
Why don't you have a brain?
Sandra, Sandra, Sandra
Please just go away!!!

Anonymous said...

Did you see how Sandra had to fight down the marshmallows that were attempting to crawl out of the hole? Even they knew they didn't belong there.

Normie

WV: sweatsms "You won't sweatsms making this easy dessert."

Diagnose Rachel said...

I'm not Jewish, but couldn't resist the clearanc price of some Kosher marshmallows last year. I was excited, because they dont' have corn syrup!

I ate one, and it was a gooie, fish tasting glob of nastyness!

I did have fun for a week letting my friends and kids try them. Oh those faces were priceless, espeically those to polite to spit it out!

I can only assume those who have never had marshmallows or are desperate jewish converts could enjoy these as a treat.

Looking forward to the driedle cakes that are sure to come...

:)

Amanda Joy said...

"Hakuuuna Matata... brm brm... Hakuna Matata...HaOOooona Matata... HAKUNA MATATA...Ha Ha Ha!"
John you are a punk:) I totally have the end of the song replaying over and over in my head... Thanks!

Really, thanks for this post as I had not yet been exposed to Sandra Lee's "specialness"

Serendipity said...

O.o

Did she really just do that?!?

Wow... just wow.

Could someone please explain to me how this episode didn't jump the shark?

Lidi Di said...

@Upupaepops I noticed that too, and googled Food Network Humor and found a blog that makes fun of Sandra Lee and others from the Food Network. Unfortunately, I think FN is quite serious about her. :(

Anonymous said...

@BADKarma!--

Tell us where to look, and we'll all crawl out of the local epcot shelter to take some pictures!

Anne-with-an-e said...

Upupaepops, Sandra Lee is a multi-million cookbook-selling author with multiple shows on the Food Network. (It gets better: she's dating New York's governor elect, so expect Semi-Homemade gubernatorial events. Can't wait 'til she serves this Hanukkah cake to one of New York's Jewish communities!) She is completely serious.
Food Network Humor is a site devoted to making fun of photos and clips of Food Network's hosts, including Sandra Lee.

Trevor, don't worry, we've already recoiled in horror at Sandra's Kwanzaa cake.

OK, so maybe I should join everyone in the Epcot shelter with my bowl of marshmallows (or, as I like to call them to quote my favorite Vulcan, marsh-melons).

Anonymous said...

If I am not mistaken, Sandra Lee made a reference to "giving people what they want" while making this creation. Ahahaha!!

BeckyinMN said...

I watch Sandra Lee only for the laughs - anyone else notice how she's always "cooking" or "baking" whilst toting a cocktail??? It's no wonder she comes up with these Semi-Homemade monstrosities - she's always toasted! I saw a hoilday decorating special with her just last week on HGTV and was waiting to see her with a drink in her hand...not once; I was thoroughly disappointed.
LOVE CW!!!!! This was hilarious today! And I too can't wait to see what Kwanzaa brings :)

Alyssa said...

Holy Crap.

Even before you mentioned it, I too had Hakuna Matata stuck in my head.

What does it mean??!?!!!

Melissa said...

Have you ever watched someone and been totally embarrassed for the person?? Yeah. Sandra Lee. I'm talking about you... you're not horrified, but I am. Probably enough for both of us... oh, and by the way, apparently your friends and family HATE YOU because they let you (and probably encourage you!) to do crap like this... I'm just sayin.

Love the Jewish Dream Catcher :)

Anonymous said...

I love Cakewrecks! But please help me out--I don't watch Food Network and haven't heard of Sandra Lee. Is this real? I watched the clip and it looks so much like a Saturday Night Live parody. I was sure that's what it was since her stage makeup was so obvious--and who would put marshmallows in the center of an angel-food cake? Surely this clip at least was created as a joke? (please?)

pikkewyntjie said...

Oy veh! That is stupted up! This makes me want to drink some gin and tonica and smoke some marijuanica! And I'm a shiksa!

WV: yerliste

Yerliste of hanukkah cakes makes me want to plotz!

Antikythera said...

Anne-with-an-e -- aw yeah, marsh melons! Apparently in the 23rd century you can get marsh melons that don't have any cows or fish in 'em. Maybe someone makes vegetarian marsh melons to cater to the Vulcan market. That's my quest, to find some that are made with agar or something else that is not an animal.

Prasetyo said...

^__^^__^

Michelle said...

I am Jewish and I have a good sense of humor. I think it is very sad that you don't have any true Chanukah wrecks.

That being said....The Star of David is not a true symbol of God. It is a symbol of Judaism, of the Jewish people, and of Jewish identity, but we have other symbols for God, the most obvious and common one being the Chai symbol, which you will also often see represented on pendants of necklaces. So I'm not sure why Anonymous got so puffed up about it.

Anyway, that *thing* that she made out of wire and pearls is definitely *not* a star of david.

Also...frosting from a can? Really? Really?! *throws up a little* And to make matters worse, she referred to it as "icing." It is definitely frosting. It is fluffy and contains fats, rather than being thin and sugary.

When I am done banging my head on the kitchen counter, I'll start laughing. Thanks, Jen and John. I'm going to share this with my Jewish friends at the Chanukah party we're having on Saturday so we can all go in the Epcot shelter with our latkes and applesauce and laugh/commiserate together. =)

elissa said...

I think I'm going to gag after watching that video. WHO ICES ANGEL FOOD CAKE?!?!?!?

Sorry. Lost my head.

But Sandra Lee is perhaps the worst food program personality in the history of food programs.

Sariah said...

Can't... stop... laughing...

Oh, John (hubby of Jen), your knowledge of Jewish holidays simply amazes and astounds me. "Hakuna Matata" is my new favorite Hanukkah song. :D

bluewhite said...

Be sure to use just the right shade of blue so that when your guests vomit piles of blue-spackled "cake" embedded with marshmallows onto your decor, you can rest assured it will match perfectly. Extra points for horking up pearls and wire!

Elizabeth said...

I'm with DD on the candle cake. I about lost it.

elissa said...

@Serendipity: This episode wasn't shark-jumping because the program was already waaaaaay past the shark from the get-go.

WV: milisht. You know you're thinking it.

Gary said...

Sandra Lee has completely distracted me, and, it seems, everyone else, from today's other wrecks.

It's hilarious that her idea of making a cake is to take a store-bought cake and put a can of store-bought frosting on it.
And she apparently thinks that non-food-safe thing with the plastic pearls is a Star of David.
I can't tell from the video whether she used Kosher or un-Kosher marshmallows*, but what difference does it make? Nobody's going to eat that thing anyway, are they?

Here's my recipe for Beef Wellington:
Buy some Beef Wellington. Put it on a plate. Serve.
Can I have my own cooking show now?


*Yes, some marashmallows are Kosher. There are even vegetarian marshmallows. I've seen them.

Sarah said...

Jewish candle. *snort* I love it!

Jane said...

Ugh - marshmallows, angel food cake and tinned frosting? The sugar overload is making my teeth hurt just thinking about it :( I'm all for convenience, and I've used cake mix and tinned frosting in a pinch, but her combination is just scary, not to mention yucky :P

Jade said...

I see what you did there, John; using Sandra Lee to keep the EPCOT under control. Smart move. ;)

Heather said...

As a californian, I would like to point out that A) it's not that warm here on Christmas, B) we like big, heavy holiday meals here as much as anywhere and C)even if we didn't, angelfood cake stuffed with marshmallows and frosted doesn't exactly sound like a warm-weather treat.

Anonymous said...

I'm a little nervous about the Kwanza cake. Blue is easy and look how she screwed that up.

Renny said...

HOW DOES THAT WOMAN HAVE HER OWN TELEVISION SHOW?
For shame food network. For shame.
I'm not even Jewish, and I'm offended for Jewish people everywhere.

Anonymous said...

noooooooooooooooooooo. I had to check that this was true. no. not possible. Really.
Holy cow! No one would dare!

Inaya said...

Sandra: "You're going to just decorate this with..." *goes for paper towels*

Me: "Oh god, no!"

Sandra: "...some pearls and wire."

Me: "Phew. Wait. How is that better?"

Ulrike said...

Gary said: "Here's my recipe for Beef Wellington:
"Buy some Beef Wellington. Put it on a plate. Serve.
"Can I have my own cooking show now?"

No, Gary. You forgot the plastic beads.

Kat Mortensen said...

I have to wonder if Sandra Lee is just laughing all the way to the bank!

Anonymous said...

Another excellent post.

That said, hailing from across the pond, I'd never heard of Sandra Lee. I looked her up on Wikipedia following this post, naturally assuming she was a spoof or sketch comedian doing a 'bit' on professional cookery experts.

Oh, how wrong I was.

And, of course, a happy Chanukah to all, regardless of faith, gender, or spelling preference. ;)

Anonymous said...

It takes true talent to wreck cakes for 3 holidays at once! The so called Hanukkah was horrible, but so were the other two.
Why do wreckerators insist on making stuff like candles and snowflakes out of cupcakes? It just doesn't work well.
That being said, I would just love to see some wreckage involving Menorahs and Dreidles. Or even Herschel the Hanukkah Goblin.
The lack of actual Hanukkah wreckage almost makes wish I was Jewish so I could get a decently decorated cake.

Heidi D said...

You dirty bastard. That's going to take the whole day to get out of my head. Wait! I know that antidote. A-ha's Take on Me! Taaaake meeeee oooooon! IIIII'l beeeee gooooone in a day or tooooooooooooooooo!

Ha!

Just to make sure I get the Sandra cake right, I shove marshmallows in the center and glob frosting on it? Got it. Now that's baking at it's finest.

Miranda said...

I guess one advantage of adhering to a minority spirituality like paganism is that we are not likely to find horrid renditions of pentacles, etc. in local bakeries. lol. Our Yule is Dec. 21... mulled wine, hot cider, and delicious noms of any and all types! XD I may take a tip from y'all and make a batch of donuts myself. Delish!

CantStop, we look forward to the Chanukah wrecks that you will submit to the site for posting! ;)

kaytee said...

I am so glad that Jen has a sense of humor. Though, I must admit that Sandra Lee can challenge anyone's good nature.

Anonymous said...

With all this talk about marshmallows, I had to throw in my vegan marshmallow expertise... Google "Dandies Marshmallows" and/or "Sweet and Sara" to find delicious hoof free marshmallows that taste A-MAZE-ING.

(Just please, please don't stuff them into cake holes. Even if it matches your decor...)

J. R. W. said...

WHAT is going on with the first snowflake cake? The little things on the ends of the arms are cocked forward like... (grimaces in preparation for incurring Godwin's Law) swastika arms. Ewww...

Anonymous said...

I had seen the Kwaanza cake before but didn't realize she had a trifecta of decor-matching cakes (seriously?! who does that?!)

Anonymous said...

anyone else think that pic #4 looks like Moses with the 10 commandments...?
just sayin' ;P

Gary said...

Ulrike said...
'Gary said: "Here's my recipe for Beef Wellington:
"Buy some Beef Wellington. Put it on a plate. Serve.
"Can I have my own cooking show now?"

'No, Gary. You forgot the plastic beads.'

Darn! I guess I'm still not ready for prime time.
Say, you're not my friend Ulrike, from Kirchheim, are you?

Anonymous said...

Why is everyone hating on Sandra?? This is the holiday season of giving and she's given us a gift o laughter. And a drinking game. Every time she uses the word" grrrrreat" drink. Every time she uses a word that starts with "L", drink.

Purplewalls said...

The great thing about that Sandra Lee video is that it distracts from all the offensive things you said! One long, non-PC post and I'm totally cracking up.

Anonymous said...

A face! Mary holding her baby? At 0:37, when the blue food coloring is mixed into the icing.

Clearly, a kosher cake.

Nahhh said...

I was sure "Sandra Lee" was from some comedy show, but noooooooo... she's real, and she actually has a show on the Food Network.

Ahhh, cable.

Makes me thankful that we watch t.v. with rabbit ears.

(My word verification for this post is "foigink." I think that describes Sandra Lee perfectly!)

Gem said...

So, was it Cake Wrecks or elsewhere they showed the Kwanzaa cake she made with corn nuts and called them acorns!!! Seriously, does she actually think corn nuts are nuts?!

I'm with whomever said this is humor disguised as serious cooking, kind of Andy Kaufman-esque -- is she TRYING to be funny? Or not?

SuBee said...

In our home we celebrate Hanukkah AND Christmas (I'm trying to figure out how to celbrate Kwanza without getting funny looks,)yet you've taught me so much. Tonight we will wait for the Ghost of Chawnucahs with hopeful hearts. If I don't receive a Holy Jewish Dreamcatcher, I'll know that Santa is always good for a Blessed Christian Geegaw of some kind.
Amen
And happy Hanukkah!

Anonymous said...

Didn't Sandra Lee do another cake wreck way back in the early history of this blog? She must be the leader/queen of cake wrecks or at least running for the position.

Heather said...

The pain that this video inflicted was great.

Jen Ben said...

Hakuna Matata what a wonderful...oh um..hehe THANKS ALOT!!!! lol

Sandra Lee, I am sorely disappointed in your 'cooking' skills. And Food Network? Shame on you for paying her!!!

Where is the bunker at ladies? I wanna join! I'll bring CHOCOLATE! =)

Kelly said...

I agree with whomever said "WHO ICES ANGEL FOOD CAKE?"
Seriously, who does that?
Aren't you just supposed to slap strawberries on it and your done?!

I was confused by her show. How is this on TV still? She iced a pre-bought cake with pre-made icing. How is this a cooking/baking show?! Anybody can come up with that. We watch the shows to get new and better ideas!

Elizabeth C. said...

1. I am not even sure my marshmallow obsessed cat would approve of this cake or of kosher marshmallows.

2. I have frequently seen frosted/iced angel food cake - sometimes at the local wreckery, but most often at work. (at at hospital)The dietary manager puts sugar-free frosting on sugar-free angel food cake for birthdays for diabetics since they can't really have the good stuff.

3. Wow. By Sandra Lee logic *I* have a total Hanukkah decor thing rocking for Christmas. ALL of my Christmas decorations are blue/silver/white. OH and so was my wedding. How very kosher of me, apparently!

RoseinBloom said...

That candle definitely gives new meaning to the phrase blue balls...

gena said...

Oh, my dear and fluffy lord, this bears repeating:

"Why didn't she just fill the thing with pork chops and clams?"

Anon @ 11:05, it's a good thing I didn't have a mouthful of coffee or my laptop would have been dust. I'm a lapsed Jew, and this was just the perfect response.

"Holy Jewish Dream Catchers," indeed.

wv: munnica
(Borrowing from Adam Sandler's Hannukah Song) "So drink your gin and munnica, and have a happy, Happy, HAPPY HAPPPPPY Hannukah!!"

Crazygirl said...

Antikythera- try etsy, theres TONS of vegan marshmalllow makers!

In other news- I seriously love FNH, it's my second favorite blog (after cake wrecks, of course!).

Sandra Lee.. just.. BLAH.

(ALSO, darn you John.. at least it got The Song That Never Ends out of my head!

Knit Wit said...

I confess that my mother used to put Saran Wrap in the center of ring pound cake so that she could frost it smooth on top but marshmallows????? Heavens!

No one has brought up the problem with CUTTING the cake yet I believe. As we all know, angel food cake is texturally different from standard cake and requires a sawing motion to cut.

Here's the humor, folks! Your unsuspecting guest comes up all set to push the knife down into the cake to cut that slice of marshmallow-y goodness and crushes the LIFE out of that angel food cake! Gales of laughter all around!

Oh, the comic genius of Sandra Lee. (Not really, just trying to find a bright-ish side to this wreck-tastic wreck-tacular.)

Alison said...

Even I, who is NOT Jewish, know that the Star of David has 6 points instead of 5 like the one on the great Jewess's cake!

Chantelle said...

Wait, these WEREN'T real Hanukkah cakes?? Huh. They all looked like daisies to me :)

Anyway, I'll be bringing wine into the Epcot shelter. See you all there!

Anonymous said...

We generally don't make Hanukkah themed cakes. Most of our Jewish customers order their cakes in advance with specific decorations... or they don't buy cake. Cause well, it's not Kosher. I also have never insulted anyone with a Kwanza cake.

If it were up to me we would not do any holiday themed things. Just winter themed things. Like snowmen, with the word winter.

Rosalie and David said...

being a jew who celebrate the holiday of hanukah and the miracles that took place, i find this post rather offensive, the pictures you posted have nothing to do with jews or hannukah, at least you could have made some connection to the holiday instead of putting up snow flakes and calling them jewish because they are blue and white, sorry for being rude, but i'm offended.

Anneke (Mudhooks) said...

What a waste of paper towels in the video. I'd just let the dog lick around the edge of the cake platter. Since no one is going to eat that monstrosity, no harm, no foul...

PS... there are Kosher marshmallows
http://usa.kosher.com/store/kosher-grocery/candy/kosher-marshmallows

Lin said...

@Miranda. Cake Yule logs. Made with Swiss Cake Rolls and little tubes of decorative icing. Oh Goddess, what have I done now? I hope Sandra doesn't read this, though as a Pagan myself I would approve of this activity for preschoolers, just not for grown, able women with their own cooking show.

Ohio said...

I can't get Burt Ward out of my head now! "Holy Jewish Dream Catchers, Batman!"

TableforTwo said...

Sadly, the Tutorial is still up on the real FoodNetwork site. I just sent them a polite but firm "Perhaps you out to see to that" email.

Anonymous said...

@ DD - I, too, was surprised to make it through so many comments before I saw one about the Jewish candle, and I'm totally with you that it's comic genius. AHAHAHAHA!!! It reminds me of a quote from a movie where a woman is holding a knife to a man's *ahem* privates and she says, "With one flick of my wrist I could change your religion." John (the hubby of Jen), if you can name the movie, I will slow clap in your direction! :)

Melissa said...

A friend of mine has warned me about this Sandra Lee person, but having never watched the show I thought my friend was exaggerating. It seems she was actually being quite kind. That was just..I can't even...wow. My five year old with serious fine motor skill issues can and HAS made better looking baked goods. So sad.

mladybright said...

Oh My. Oh My. I'm not sure what else to say.

I think even one of our friends who claims to be a Methodist Jew (?) would have some issues with those cakes.

I'm also extremely glad that I do not (NO NO NO) have television in my house if this is the programming available these days.

I thought Martha was bad. Julia is spinning like a cat in a dryer.

John, you're lucky Jen loves you just as you are, uneducated or not. *grin*

~~Di

Anonymous said...

my favorite part of today's post is learning about foodnetworkhumor.com (link for the video)... especially since yesterday's post was sandra lee's "sensuous chocolate truffles". i've heard of a poo-gasm, but that's just too much for my holiday table.

http://foodnetworkhumor.com/2010/12/holiday-recipe-of-the-week-sandra-lees-sensuous-chocolate-truffles/

msyendor said...

Hannuuukaaa Matata! Darnit. It's stuck in there! Thanks a whole heapin' lot.

Yeah. Saw the candle this morning. Spent the last couple hours scrubbing my brain of hood/hat/cap, three-bell jokes.

WV: fulties -- it was an exorcism of fulties

Lily Marie :) said...

so loosely defined (by her anyway) she is "making" a Hanukkah cake.
which leads me to wonder why the weather at christmas is at all relevant? like "here, make this hanukkah cake to have at your christmas dinner!"

anyway.. I have some pictures of some
decent(ly wreckie) dreidal cakes... I may have to send them in...

Anonymous said...

Ok...holy crap.

This is my first time commenting. I had never heard of this Sandra woman before. I guess that's a benefit of not having had cable for the past 8 years. So I went and looked up the Kwanzaa cake video...and I noticed something rather telling.

Ok, she's allowed to say that the frosting she uses is storebought. But do you see that she has to peel the label off it before she can use it?? Whoever's frosting she's buying apparently doesn't want the product placement!

Anonymous said...

I've seen Sandra Lee COOKBOOKS in Costco--never have looked at them, since I like to cook. I can't believe you need a RECIPE to do that kind of stuff.

Why is "angel food cake perfect for the holidays"?--I can see it for Christmas... I'm not Jewish, but I don't think there were angels in the event celebrated with Hanukkah, and angel food cake isn't a "fried in oil" food. Maybe the marshmallows stuffed in the middle are supposed to represent the oil in the lamp??? Oh dear....

We've tried the kosher marshmallows made with fish gelatin. My kids have food allergies, and so I shop a lot at Whole Foods. The only type of marshmallows they had this summer before our camping trip were the kosher ones, so we gave them a try. They didn't taste that weird, although they were a bit different. They definitely don't stand up to the heat though. We had a rare heat wave for Washington state that weekend, and so the marshmallows melted together. When my 5-year-old twins went to roast them at the late evening campfire, the marshmallows came out in sticky globs. People around the campfire thought my kids were roasting cauliflower!

Thanks again for all the great laughs--both on the post and the many comments. See you all in the Epcot bunker!

WV: neysion--you can offend an entire neysion with these cakes, how wonderful!

CRtheMighty said...

It's a pity, really. The utter horror of the video has distracted us all from the utter hilarity of the rest of John's post.

However, I'd be remiss to not mention the video. My mouth was actually hanging open the entire thing. There are no words. (Well, yes, there are plenty, but none are polite.)

wv: frophtes. The noise made when trying to eat a frosting covered marshmallow.

Elizabeth said...

*singing*

Let's put on our yarmulkas...
So what'd ya get for Hannukah?
Let's put on our yarmulkas and - hey, hey - do that Hebrew thing!

http://www.last.fm/music/%22Weird+Al%22+Yankovic/_/Pretty+Fly+for+a+Rabbi

Seriously, though - these cakes have left me very ferklempt (confused) and meshugga (crazy). These decorators are schlemiels (clumsy bunglers or fools).

eva said...

in israel marshmallows are kosher!
1. what does blue have to do with hanuka?
2. how much icing goes into that hole? can you imagine taking a bite out of that thing?

wv: suckin: it would be suckin to make that cake

Anonymous said...

funny! I thought they were snowflakes, too... but I'm not Jewish...

and shouldn't that be HaNUka Matatta? :o)

Anonymous said...

Epcot bunker...here I come!!!!

I'm bringing the bacon. ^.^

Anonymous said...

What a craptastic cake. And I thought her "Star of David" was a janky snowflake before she told me otherwise.

Jael said...

I chaven't chad so much fun reading the comments page in a LONG time. I chad a feeling the marshmallows would quickly become Epcot.

I died a little watching the video. I'm making a Chanukah cake for my daughter's birthday. It will be blue and white as well, but it will NOT match my decor and even with my lack of expertise will HAVE look better than that marshmallow-gorged monstrosity.

Chappy Chanukah!

Rascalmom said...

@ bluewhite:
I made the mistake of taking a drink of water just before I read your comment...it took all my powers to keep from spewing water all over my laptop (of course now I know how to neaten that right up with paper towels!). I love the word "hork" hahaha! The idea of someone making sure their crap store frosting matches their home decor in case of puking...hey, has Martha Stewart gotten in on this yet? I mean, she really NEEDS that concept.

NaomiKnight17 said...

Holy lord almighty. That video gave me a brain hemorrhage. Who in the world gave her a TV show? She's TERRIBLE at EVERYTHING.

Lori said...

Oh no, she didn't... I'm not even Jewish and I'm totally offended by that on behalf of my Jewish friends. If you're going to do that to a cake, just go buy one from the bakery.

Californiutahan said...

Okay--I just did a search for the Kwanzaa cake video, and the food network link says "Semi-Homemade makes a most amazingly beautiful cake for Kwanza." HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It totally distracted me from my search for the crap-tastic tiered birthday cake video! (which I had trouble finding, btw, but there's the link for the step-by-step directions.

Californiutahan said...

Found the link for the tiered birthday cake!

Heidi said...

LOVE the candle CCC! "As you can see, it's very Jewish" -- heee!

Great post-- thanks for the laughs!

WV: quanurb-- What Sandra must have smoked before "making" the Kwanzaa cake. (Slightly different from what she smoked before "making" the Hanukkah cake, which I would call "Hanucrack.")

Fluffy Cow said...

As one who IS lighting candles tonight... I just gotta say this post rocks!!!

Jess said...

Wow. For the record, I'm Jewish and was NOT offended at all by the post, in fact it was pretty hilarious. As for the lack of real Chanukah cakes, lets just say cake isn't really a a Chanukah thing, in fact I don't think I've ever seen a Chanukah cake in my 26 years. I don't imagine they're too in demand because traditional Chanukah foods are fried, like donuts. I don't know why but in Israel the Chanukah donut is a jelly filled donut called a sufganiya (plural sufganiyot)

As for the marshmallows, you can find quite good kosher marshmallows. I've had both kosher and non-kosher marshmallows and while the kosher ones are denser and tend to stick there isn't much difference in taste.

Zabinatrix said...

Bah, that video! I know that the stereotypes about Americans are just stereotypes and I shouldn't believe that they apply to a large segment of the population... But American television sure loves to reinforce certain views of Americans.

This "cake" from the video was something that I would never even have considered - and especially not done that way. Buying regular angel food from the grocery store? Buying ready-made frosting from the grocery store? It just makes me think "how lazy or pressed for time can you possibly be?" I mean - if you're planning to bake a cake anyway you could at least do something yourself, right? Especially two such easy and relatively quick things.

It reminds me of when my sister lived in the US for a while. She had a get together with some friends and brought cookies. They complimented her on them and asked where she bought them. She explained that she hadn't bought them, she baked them. So then their question was.. "Oh, ok, so where did you buy the dough?"

It would never even occur to me to actually buy cookie dough. But apparently buying dough and putting it in the oven constituted "baking" in their eyes.

Uhm, but I don't believe those stereotypes about Americans, of course not ;)

Kat said...

Anonymous @ 3:30: That would be Disney's "The Three Musketeers". Any movie with Tim Curry in it bears rewatchin! (With the exception of Home Alone 2, that is.)


I'd heard of Sandra Lee only in passing before now. Based on this clip, I think I will keep ON passing on her :)


WV: boxyhov - not the stuff from which kosher marshmallows are made!

~Nikki~ said...

All I have to say is.... Oy Vey!




check out my blog: nikkiscakery.blogspot.com

Brenda said...

Oh how I loathe Sandra Lee. She doesn't belong on Food Network. She should be on E! with all the other lazy hags who don't do anything worthwhile, yet make millions for letting someone film it.

nanfan said...

Seriously? Seriously!?! Why? Why! The horror! I watched that video with morbid curiosity. I kind of wish I hadn't.

Lena said...

Good grief, tell me that vid isn't real! Please! I mean, the mutilation of that cake was...painful to watch. Oh and don't get me started on the "star" she mashed in there.

Also loved the generalization about how people in warm climates don't want big meals. Um, what? As a Florida resident, let me speak for other tropic/swamp-dwelling folk: it's not all that warm on December 25th, and the temp does not affect our meal sizes. We have air conditioning, after all.

Anonymous said...

Other than the candle which is very jewish-y and Channuka oriented, I don't see why any of these other cakes have anything to do with Hannuka or judaism. Please explain this post!

By the way, here in Israel we have some awesome kosher marshmallows. Are peeps kosher?

Rachel H. said...

Wow. All I can say is wow. Marshmallows? That's a Star of David? Really? *shakes head sadly*

Eliza A. said...

Sandra Lee's Youtube channel must be where the Wreckerators learn their trade...
;)

Gary said...

Anonymous said:
"Ok, she's allowed to say that the frosting she uses is storebought. But do you see that she has to peel the label off it before she can use it?? Whoever's frosting she's buying apparently doesn't want the product placement!"

She has discovered another revenue stream. If I were making prepared cake frosting, I would gladly pay her a monthly retainer NOT to show my product's label or mention my brand in connection with the "cakes" she "makes" on her programs.

jedijson said...

(Jason's joining in in the tenor section)

philosophy...

GrammaR said...

I was laughing so hard after watching Sandra's video, I had to read the comments! My husband came home and knew I had totally lost it. Thank you for a great ending to a marginal day.

I still can't get over matching my icing to my decor. I don't really like cooking or baking, but I would never buy an angel food cake and cover it with store bought frosting. My Mennonite grandmothers are rolling in their graves!

Eat Cake said...

Sandra Lee does it again. I don't know whether to laugh as if my mind has gone 'round the bend or just run away in terror screaming. Could go either way.

Mrs. Q. said...

Yes, Sandy, you are right! In some parts of the country, don't want a heavy holiday meal. Followed by a MARSHMALLOW-STUFFED CAKE SPACKLED IN CANNED FROSTING!

Kayla said...

I was so grossed out by the marshmallows until I realized the alternative was probably her filling the entire cake with frosting. So really, this is much better.

Eat Cake said...

I just watched the Kwanzaa clip.
I need to go scrub my brain out now.

The Santa cake...sorry, Moses cake is crying the Native American guy from the 70's commercial about littering...and with good reason.

Marnie said...

I don't get the Food network so I've never seen this woman at work.
Somebody please tell me the show isn't serious. Is it a spoof? That was the most horrific cake decorating show I've ever seen. Stuffing marshmallows in the middle of the cake? Oy!

Robyn (Baby Mama) said...

When Sandra Lee brought those faux pearls out, it made my baby cry. Not making that up.

Anonymous said...

Really? That blue thing called "cake" actually made debut time on a t.v. show? Though I like how she had to remind the audience that the pearls are not edible and we have to take them off before cutting. Thanks Sandra Lee! >.<

And I never knew Sauron was Jewish!
( In reference to the candle cup-cake cake XD )

TechyDad said...

What these wrecks prove is that those of us who celebrate Chanukah become so desparate to find something *NOT* Christmas-related that we'll take pretty much anything even remotely Chanukah-related.

At least Bakers don't need to worry as much over being called wrecks due to spelling Chanukah wrong. We're very flexible!

Anonymous said...

"The great Jewess herself" bahahahaha!!!
I enjoyed lots of the comments just as much as the post...you guys are awesome. but...I am disappointed in those of you who chose to find something to be offended by. Anyone who has read this blog for any length of time should know that John and Jen's only goal is to make you laugh, not to hurt anyone's feelings. If you don't get the joke...read the post again before getting your panties in a wad.

Nova Kristin said...

I couldn't stop myself from googling dreidel cakes. What a horrifying mess of hilarity. I have no idea if they were professional bakers or not so I didn't post a link but try it yourself for some giggles. ;-)

Anonymous said...

LOLOLOL L'chaim to life

winsomebulldog said...

I have actually seen frosted angel food cake quite a few times. Often, it is not only frosted but plastered with a thick layer of coconut as well.

As for Sandra Lee... Hubby and I occasionally watch her just for the laughs. That whole matching the frosting to your decor thing is totally par for the course with her since matching her food and her decorations is a big part of her philosophy. She makes me nauseous, but she is good for an "OMG, she can NOT be serious!" laugh once in a while.

Love the blog, guys. It makes my day.

Anonymous said...

I didn't even look at the video and I'm already whimpering in pain. I saw the Kwanzaa cake she did last year, and have a feeling that this would only be slightly less traumatizing cause there are less items.

Paula said...

I am crying. And laughing that weird soundless laugh.
The post was great and the comments are even better. Love this blog!

Bea said...

Just wanted to say that I had a really rough day today and was in tears by the time I sat down to the computer this evening. Your wreck-commentary really got me smiling and I feel much better now. Thanks for the free therapy!

Craig said...

Be sure to catch Sandra's next special: "How to fool your guests into thinking they are worth your time."

If 'my' cake just had to have a bogus decoration in the middle, I would give some thought (!) to, I dunno, maybe not using a cake that always has a hole where I want the decoration to be. Especially if I don't want my guests to be 'surprised' by the 'filling'.

Given how long that cake is likely to be around, matching the decor would be a prime consideration.

But you know, we all have the problem of what to serve during the searing heat of Christmastime -- it sure seems to me that angel food cake stuffed with marshmallows and troweled over with frosting ought to be ideal. Maybe the idea is to distract guests from the heat by nursing a toothache. What planet is she from, anyway -- Mercury?

Shelley Parker Chandler said...

I had Adam Sandler's "Hannuka Song" stuck in my head... You managed to make me sing "Hakuna Matata" to that tune. Weird.

Cat said...

But seriously folks, if you haven't seen Sandra Lee's Kwanzaa cake, google it right now. It is so much more terrifying. CORN NUTS!

I'm heading to the Epcot shelter, and I'm bringing graham crackers and hershey bars to go with all those kosher marshmallows!

WV: predne- as in, I'm predne sure that cake is not kosher.

Anonymous said...

Wow... I have never heard of Sandra before. What quality programming! No wonder people think we Americans are morons. It always makes me cringe to watch TV cooks try to ice a cake. I just want to slap them. poke poke slather smear. ick

John- you are hilarious as usual. Thanks for the laughs.

runhes- That cake gave me the runhes.

Meg said...

Um...'kay. Sandra Lee is just...uh...geez. I don't have words for the horribleness that is her iced angelfood/marshmallow monstrocity, except to say that her "Star of David" looks like a plastic bead necklace Patrick Star (you know, from Sponge Bob). That is all.

Oh, and I'm sure people are way more offended by the Sandra bit than the completely accidental (obviously) misspelling of Hanukkah. ;)

Elizabeth Douglas said...

Something's not kosher with Sandra, and I mean more than the marshmallows. Granted her semi-homemade creations are usually anything but orthadox, but seriously, this whole thing is just Torahable.

http://instantrimshot.com/index.php?sound=rimshot

Anonymous said...

Can someone tell me if Sandra Lee is a parody or not? I'm not sure if she's an abomination, or very funny.

Arlene said...

I never thought it possible but looking at that "Candle" cake I am struck dumb.. I have nothing to say that wouldn't get me into trouble lol. Sad.. and scary. At least Sandra Lee's cake looked like a cake albeit it had plastic pearls on it.

akprincess72 said...

She IS an abomination & must be STOPPED!!!! I feel faint...

Caroline B said...

Oh no, my decor is green...does that mean I can't make one of these delectable looking cakes? Ptoui, I'm so disappointed, and I had some plastic beads out of the toy box and some wire out of the garden shed all ready too....

Anonymous said...

As a Jew, I deem this post hilarious.
(For anyone offended: you are reading into his hilarious 'clueless gentile' persona WAY TOO SERIOUSLY. Oy.)

and I knew Sandra Lee was a high-functioning alcoholic, but...ohh no. I hadn't seen this. this is great.

MissNay said...

Ohhhhh I thought you were telling me Sarah Lee was a real person. I just now caught they're two different people...
By the way, worst semi-homemade jewish cake ever. Just no, people. No. SOmeoen should rub her nose in that pile of doo.

MJ said...

OMG..Sandra Freakin' Lee...MESS.

VeggieT said...

For those lucky enough to not have cable/or seen the show. I can tell you for a fact that Sandra Lee is real and doesn't intend to be funny, which makes the wreck so much more, wrecktifying... Her show "Semi-homemade" has been a staple on foodnetwork for a few years now. I remember watching a behind the scenes show of a bunch of chefs (trust me I didn't watch it to learn about Sandra) and remember Sandra going on and on about the concept of ther show and how each episode has it's own theme and how she goes to party stores and antique stores to decorate her set for each episode... yeah...

Those wrecks are horrifying, even though they aren't actually Hanukkah cakes... perhaps to stem the Epcot tied you should link to some of your old Hanukkah wrecks and sweets? I know I've seen them when browsing through your archives.

Nan said...

Hi, I normally just lurk, but I had to reply to the person who asked if Peeps were kosher. They didn't used to be, but they are now, at least in America. This apparently was a Big Deal to my friend who was raised Catholic and converted to Judaism.

Amber said...

I can't believe Sandra Lee gets her own show to show you how to ice a store-bought cake with store-bought icing.

Trevor said...

Dear Jen, John, and the rest of the awesome people who read this blog and post.

There is an even greater source of Sandra Lee Wreckiness out there. I don't recall ever seeing it here, so I apologize if it has been. Have you ever seen Sandra Lee on the old Mario Lopez show making a "wedding cake?" I'll try to post the link below, but if it doesn't work, just go to you tube, search on "Mario Lopez Sandra Lee" and look at the third clip from that show.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2cpd6rHIfyA

Terry in Arizona said...

I was giggling all the way through the post today....till I got to good old Sandra. GROSS!!!! That literally made me sick. And my mom just lurves her to pieces. *smacks forehead*

Oh, I live in southern Arizona where it is hot, hot, hot IN THE SUMMER. However, considering we just came through a cold spell where it was 18 degrees where we live, I think I'll stick to my heavy meals and (actual) homemade, delicious cakes my daughter makes.

I'd be more inclined to go scoop up some horse poo and prickly pear cactus for dessert than eat sandra's cake. I'm diabetic - that cake can kill!!

BTW, the Jewish candle - hilarious!

Amazing Cakes By Vanessa! said...

I always asked for an angel food cake for my birthday each year because that's my favorite kind of cake. When I was seven my grandma asked me what kind of cake and I said, "Blue angel food!" And by golly, she frosted an angel food cake blue.

I was seven and had no judgement skills. What's Sandra's excuse?

Little Lovables said...

that marshmallow cake looks awful! I can't decide what is worse, the marshmallow stuffed in the middle or that tragic star of david.

I think the crying Moses, is actually Hanukkah Harry.

Jessica B, Future DVM said...

My friend and I tuned into Sandra Lee all the time in undergrad. We were amazed by her "recipes", but we really just loved how she redecorated the kitchen EVERY show. My favorite was the pool party where all the swimming suits, pool toys, and dishes were the same shade of orange! And who can forget the "tablescapes"! I still remember the rusted birdcage she wrapped ribbon around to decorate for a visit by her son. I'm sure he loved that!

Tyree said...

I'm so happy you posted that video. I've been watching Sandra Lee on youtube all morning and haven't laughed that hard in ages. She's a hot mess!

Gary said...

Say what you want about Sandra Lee's Chanukah cake, but it's still better than her Kwanzaa cake. Of course, what isn't?


WV: gronc. I still don't gronc why Sandra does that to a poor angelfood cake.

Laura E. said...

She makes it seem so natural to throw marshmallows inside an angel food cake. Stuffing a turkey? Hand over the marshmallows! Out of bread crumbs for the stuffed mushroom caps? Mini marshmallows, please. Son caugh his first fish? I could go and on...

Jonathan & Jennifer said...

Sandra Lee should be stopped. immediately.

Anonymous said...

I cannot beLIEVE that video.
Stupid. Disrespectful.
And I'm not Jewish.

*taking swig of cold stale coffee, trying to gather thoughts*
*no good; thoughts ran and hid in the bathroom, won't come out*

Is Sandra Lee perhaps the bitter, jealous sister of Sara?
Please tell me the show's a clumsy put-on. Please.

PS As an antidote, find Julia Child's program wherein she persists in destroying a poor innocent Buche Noel until she administers the coup de grace--a haystack of spun caramel.
A masterpiece of horror and suspense.

Happy Hanukkah!
--Blondie's Mom

Joy said...

Dear Jen & John -- I will never, ever forgive you for introducing me to the abomination that is Sandra Lee. I'm off to YouTube now to watch more, since I've already watched all the car wrecks and painful surgery videos. Painfully yours, Joy

siltedrepose said...

I have a Sandra Lee cookbook, given to me by a friend, and most of the recipes in it are too complicated for me. I understand that her creations are a joke compared to people who really cook and/or bake, but for those of us to whom the kitchen is a minefield that nevertheless has to be walked every day, she's not completely ridiculous.

That said, if a person is going to make a cake for a religious holiday they're not familiar with, some research would be in order. I do hope this episode received enough negative backlash that she doesn't try to do it again.

Anonymous said...

KAH KAH KAH HACK...omy, i choked on a pearl. Did you know they are not edible?????

Buffy said...

@Cat--they're not Corn Nuts, they're Egg-corns!

Anonymous said...

Hilarious post! I agree that the candle CCC is very Jewish.

On to Sandra Lee. I have been watching crazy videos of her all day on YouTube and found some other cakes that I think this blog has featured. And then I found this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VC-UIGLFSr8

It's obviously a spoof about a real intervention, but she could certainly use one, and not just for her alcoholism (It's cocktail time!). She is so incredibly OCD about her decor (perhaps why she dyes her icing to match) that she even dresses to fit the theme or color scheme of the show. In the video above, if you go to 4:27, you can see how she bought a hideous t-shirt with lemons on it that look like curtains you might have found in my mom's kitchen in 1992. And then she built an entire show around the shirt, complete with lemon "recipes" and lots of yellow decorations.

I know it's already been said, but how can she be so daft (a) to think that someone would actually eat that monstrosity (or the Kwanzaa cake with "acorns"), and (b) to not do some research and figure out that marshmallows shouldn't go in the center of a cake for a Jewish holiday, let alone the center of any cake! Seriously, they were trying to escape while she frosted the cake.

I vote that we have "12 Days of Sandra Lee" postings. Come to think of it, 12 days may be too many in a row. Our heads might explode.

Anonymous said...

does a Star of David made out of snowflake ornaments count?

and stuffing the hole with marshmallows...that's almost as ridiculous as Kwanzaa cake.

Anonymous said...

I am Jewish and Sandra's cake is just a hoot.. it is sort of a like a train wreck.. you just cannot help but to watch the disaster.
I like another poster, was thinking of My Big Fat Greek Wedding.. but she didn't use a bundddttt cake. :-)
Seriously- sticking two triangles together would have been much better than that sorry ash start.

Janus said...

From what I've read, most marshmallows are made with pork gelatin, so most of them aren't kosher.

Melinda said...

I'm completely serious when I say that either Sandra Lee is drunk on cooking sherry or she's handicapped and we should all be ashamed.

Cake Cop said...

Sheesh. Talk about not celebrating in style.

"Afh yenems tukhes is gut sepatchen" (Someone else's ass is easy to smack.)

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