Thursday, December 23, 2010

For the Rest of Us

Thursday, December 23, 2010

I realized Christmas might have become too commercialized when I sucker-punched that old guy in the Target electronics section. ("Hands off the XBOX KINECT, Gramps!!!!") Sure, he was just buying batteries for his hearing aid, but it made me think: maybe we've all become too materialistic around the holidays.

So, what's a disenfranchised Seinfeld fan to do?

Celebrate Festivus, of course!

Yep, I'm ditching my Christmas tree and putting up the ole' Festivus pole, because tinsel is distracting.

"Move it, Tinsel! You're blocking my holiday spirit!"

I'll chuck the Christmas ham and replace it with a traditional store-bought Pepperidge Farm cake covered with M&Ms:

Close enough.


I will then invite my family over and we will Air our Grievances, meaning we will publicly complain about all the things in the world that disappoint us... which may or may not include my family.

To which Mom might retaliate:

Because of the fishnets I wear over my peg-leg.

(Actually, come to think of it, we've been celebrating the Airing of Grievances for years.)

I'm swapping Christmas carols for the annual "Feats of Strength," where my family members will physically fight the head of household until she's been pinned. (Mom's a fighter.)

Or, in this case, the head of household will have sensual relations with the guy whose butt is falling off.

Finally, once we're drunken and bruised, we will celebrate the blessed wonders of the day:

It's a Festivus miracle!


Thanks to Rhiannon R., Anne B., Kristin S., Sue S., Natalie P., & Lauren K. And happy Festivus!

Now, stop crying and fight your father.

------------------------------------------

CCC Day #11

Share Our Strength is a national organization here in the U.S. that works hard to make sure no kid in America grows up hungry.

Please click here to give your dollar.

Danger Boy said...

The UFC cake really does look more like a Pride Day cake.

Anonymous said...

Is that a censor bar on the first cake? They should put one on the UFC guys-- it's one thing when the fight's in motion, but I don't know if that's the exact moment I would have locked in on to depict in cake...

Happy Festivus! Guess I'll spend the rest of the day working out my grievances at home. ;)


wv: merhyogi-- "Come here, Yogi," as pronounced by Boo-Boo after consuming all the booze found in that last pic-a-nic basket.

Trevor said...

OMG Jen and John, I totally have to write this to you. First off, please don't think I'm mad, because I'm not. But this IS kind of funny.

The UFC cake is mine. Uh huh, that's right. One of your regulars. However, the men were NOT made by me. They were made by my partner who knows nothing about cakes and is not crafty. I did that cake to take to a friend's house who gets a lot of the UFC PPV's. My partner was upset and wanted "To contribute something to the cake." so I had him make the fighters. I think your comments are really funny though. So this is NOT a request to have the cake taken off your post. :) But, I did want to explain it to you.

(and yes, the cage is kinda cheesy, but really, short of piping SugarVeil, which I had never heard of at the time, I had no idea how to do it.)

stuckinmypedals said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you for this Festivus post. I got a lot of problems with you people! Happy Festivus everyone!

Trevor said...

Anonymous: When two gay guys are doing the cake, I assure you, it absolutely IS the pose you want to focus in on. :)

Sandi said...

Oh dear, I just had to comment on that UFC cake too. Unfortunately, it produces feelings in me akin to watching a real televised fight, so I'll have to give the baker credit for that one.

Jen said...

"Feat of strength" but no comment on the strength of feet? D;

Classic Steve said...

Trevor, out of curiosity, what brand of candy bar did you use for the ring posts?

Cassykins said...

@ Trevor - I like the cake this way. I am NOT a fan of wrestling, so this was definitely the route to go, LOL! Good work sir =)

Jennifer said...

Wow....that UFV cake is mentally scarring!

Trevor said...

@Cassykins: They were Twix bars. I didn't plan far enough in advance to make them out of gumpaste to dry in time.

furpurrson said...

Is the "slightly above average" cake a nod to Garrison Keillor's "Lake Wobegone" stories "where all the children are above average"? Even so, it's ... um ... a mixed message. :-)

MarliO said...

Looks like Trevor's cake is not professionally made. :-( I hope you can find another one to sub in.

protojew62 said...

LOL! I agree with Danger Boy about the UFC cake!! Had to do a double take!

Tiffany said...

Oh this was awesome! My six year old saw the "m&m" cake and asked if it was a zombie.

Def. re posting this!

Not sure about the UFC cake though.... It looks like there is one too many heads :-/


Tiffany and Keola (6) in Ellensburg, Wa

Anonymous said...

What a naughty pole dancing mermaid! (she'd better watch what she says...)

Why does Mrs. Grinch have such kissy lips and ghostly sideburns?

Ah, see! I knew we'd find some Festivus spirit! so many insult cakes have come before...(*sniff* they're so awesome!)

UFC is pretty scary. I feel like a voyeur watching a "wrestling" match between a at some sort of gay night club with Stumpy, the mohawk wearing stud with his butt duct taped together. meanwhile--are those TWIX candy bars holding up the fence?

"Come Home Dad Mom is Off the Juice"--I can't decide if it's disturbing or perplexing? sending Dad a cake to come home? to announce his lush significant other is no longer a lush? or that's she's kicked a fruit juice habit? why would this drive him away, the anti-liquid coward?

Happy Festivus. Now to my s-i-l who will air grievances about my m-i-l (and vice versa).

Anonymous said...

lol @Trevor-- I guess from your own, er, perspective of the matter, it may well be. It's really just all about why one watches UFC. And you just made my day. :D

Zoe said...

I don't know this for sure, but pretty certain that 'Pirate Hooker' is a reference to Anchorman (Ron Burgundy calls Veronica Corningstone a pirate hooker at the end of one of their newscasts).

Zoe said...

Correction: the scene when they are fighting over the VCR.

Oldish Lady said...

Sigh, the cakes today all sort of sum up my recent joyous family Holiday experience, except that they substitute Colts football for the wrestling.

I hate the holidays.

Fluffy Cow said...

@ Trevor- your post did little to nothing to "explain" that cake!!! Sorry!

Quite the giggle inducing post all around!

Anonymous said...

Definitely loving that last cake! XD

Anonymous said...

Um, is the mermaid actually saying, 'Eat me, Christopher!'? Oh my....

Craig said...

Special Edition Hexagonal M&Ms make their annual 'winter' appearance. Par-tay!

Mary Connealy said...

I always come away from Cake Wrecks so filled with the spirit of the season.

Or terrified.

One of those two.

Siouxzr said...

Trevor: I love your explanation but it raises a few more questions. Why was your partner upset? Does he dislike ultimate fighting? Did molding the "wrestlers" help him feel better? I hope so. They certainly made my day.

I like the twix posts around the ring. They're efficent and yummy.
Susan

WV crish -- as in I am going to Crish you with my mighty body!

Anonymous said...

@ Trevor, that, sir, is a true cakewrecks. And also better than any store-bought rectangle of blandness available. If it can't be stunning, then might as well be memorable. And funny.

wv - turis. Jen & John are playing turis on their cruise vacation.

mladybright said...

*maniacal laughter*

~~Di

Catharine @Bliss Photography said...

wow, just wow.

Halesbales said...

This is by FAR my favorite CW post of all time! I know I've said this before, but this time I really mean it. "I've got a lotta problems with you people!"

Trevor said...

@Siouxzr: He didn't want the cake to be made only by me. He wanted to be able to show up to the party and say that he contributed as well, so I let him make the figures. He enjoyed himself, and the hostess liked them so much she actually saved them. everyone got a good laugh out of them as intended. And no, both he and I like UFC.

@Fluffy Cow: Well, there wasn't much to really explain. Friends were having a UFC fight night and invited us over, so I made a cake. I had just started doing cakes, and I was looking for any excuse I could find to make one. UFC fight night seemed like a fine idea.

Aliza said...

"Tinsel" is a rather well done cake. I don't think it technically counts as a wreck, other than the pole is supposed to be undecorated for Festivus!

I didn't realize that M&Ms were six-sided! But at least Green was recognizable

Wow, I don't think even the most delicious cakes in the city would make up for inscriptions like that... they're too nice to be truly "just joking".

Love the UFC cake-- that's exactly how I see wrestling (or football pile-ups for that matter). And @Trevor's explanation was even better! (legs falling off from the exertions/excitement gives a whole new meaning to "I'm really into you!")

That last one was just sad. Although one wonders why the cake for Dad is pink!

Anonymous said...

this bunch takes the cake! thanks for the good laughs on a very stressful business day.

DanNZ said...

Brilliant post, had me in stitches. The "You're slightly above average" cake made me snort laugh quite loudly, embarrassing since I'm at work!

I love the UFC cake, too. Very funny. Good work, Trevor and partner!

Anonymous said...

The second one looks like a lovesick tree frog with an "m" tattoo.

wv - sperings. "Pleese sperings me from the horrorness of theese cakes!"

Anonymous said...

O...M....G what were they thinking?

Anonymous said...

Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

I think so Brain...but a guy laying on top of another guy on a cake? Who'd wanna eat that?

No Pinky...

Arlene said...

Lol those "wrestlers" are surrounded by poo poles. Yuck! And whatever that green faced cake thing is it should be for Halloween cause it scared me. Now I will be laughing like a hyena just looking at these cakes again.

TheOneOnTheRight said...

@Tiffany (though, you'll probably never see this), I have brothers and a sister who grew up in Ellensburg. Do you know the Cutlers?

wv = barve: I guess in a few months we can look forward to wrecks celebrating the home of the barve and the land of the feer.

Edlund said...

omg your cakes are so cute!

Andrea said...

Great cakes!

The UFC cake shows a lot of ...love... for the sport ;-)

my first thought about the m&m cake was: whoa, Slimer's got himself a girlfriend.

Love the blog :D

Andrea