Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Off Color Remarks

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

For many years now - in fact, for just about as long as I can remember - I've been Polish. Sure, I'm also Irish, German, Iroquois, Russian, and a shameful bit of Swedish that we don't talk about, but mostly I'm Polish. You can tell by my mom's maiden name which has 17 consonants and 2 vowels. But that's not the point.

The point is, my Polish brothers and sisters, that we of the Land of Pole have been the butt of jokes for many a year. And frankly, some cake decorators aren't helping the situation.

Allow me to illustrate.


This is the Polish flag:

Let's take a moment to admire it whilst humming the Polish National Anthem, shall we?

HMMM HMMMMM HM HM HMM HUUUUM
HM HM HMMMM HUMMM!

HMM HM HM HM HM HM

HUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!


And now, allow me to present the Polish flag cake that brings shame on the land of my second great great uncle on my cousin's sister's husband's side:


What, the Wreckorator thought we wouldn't notice?!? Huh?

I mean, c'mon, our flag is way wider than that.


Thanks, Cristen. Oh, and for the rest of you: keep in mind that the two comment moderators here are me and my sister Anne-Marie, and we share slightly warped Polish/Irish mean streaks. So comment...carefully.

Best comment so far:
ugh, I wouldn't touch that with a 6 foot Pole (wait, how tall are you?)-tjbmurph
Anonymous said...

If only all the world's flags were made of tasty, tasty cake... world peace!

W/V: herievan - herievan cut me a slice of that monochromatic cake

-Canadian Sue "we have a leaf on our cake"

Prism said...

AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! How do you even get frosting that color? and WHY would you?

SuBee said...

As a proud Pu-kee (Polish on my mother's side, Ukrainian on my father's) I can't help but think that this was some sort of "Polish joke." Well, this is a new age and we don't have to take it anymore!!

Now, how many wreckerators does it take to change a light bulb?

Three! One to print a photo of a bulb on edible paper, the second to cover it in sprinkles, and a third to place it in the lamp.

Anonymous said...

Maybe he was colorblind?

Felicia Kramer said...

Dzienkuje, John,for sticking up for us (and our weird sense of humor)! I'm Polish through and through and proud of it!

Stuckinmypedals said...

The color is disturbing. Like I might wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat just thinking about it.

Anna B said...

As a fellow person with Polish heritage (and an unpronounceable maiden name to prove it), I sympathize. I recently had it pointed out to me that my email address (which is my initials followed by my current very German last name - which conveniently ends in z) looks like nonsense to the untrained eye. Never occurred to me. Still doesn't mean I want a poop-colored cake.

wv: hyxionge - not sure what it means, but it has enough consonants to qualify as a Polish last name!

flying gargoyle said...

I can only imagine what they would have done to the Eagle Crest version of the Polish Flag!

By the way, how do you get "puce-that-dares-not-speak-it's-name" frosting color?

Miranda said...

A piece of brown cardboard? Yeah, that's totes Polish... uh... what were they thinking?

The Boob Nazi said...

But that can't be the flag. It can't.

Tricia L said...

The only possible reason for that cake is if they included a tube of icing with it. You know, a "decorate the cake yourself" party. Just hoping that is chocolate because it looks disgusting.

Happy Poland Day, whenever that is.

Anonymous said...

I couldn't tell if that was frosting or a piece of a cardboard box. There is a World Flag Database which would have been helpful to this wreckereator (I think it's flags.net - I used it to make a French flag for a Three French Hens Christmas ornament one year). Anyway, how do you get a three-color, striped flag wrong? It's not like it's Swaziland or Fiji, or some other "busy" design.

Anonymous said...

It looks like the picture was taken with the camera set to the sepia toning setting.

I can't imagine why anyone would choose that color scheme.
CC

tjbmurph said...

ugh, I wouldn't touch that with a 6 foot Pole (wait, how tall are you?)

let's go share a Sunay Sweet instead

Gary said...

Now that I think about it, brown is sadly missing from the flags of the world. Where are all the brown flags, countries?

Poland's flag, though, has got to be about the easiest one to reproduce, with the possible exception of Lybia's. Maybe the wreckorator is color-blind?

Amy said...

Just for you, John (and Anne-Marie), the Polish national anthem--in Polish with English subtitles (!!). I'm an Italian-Sicilian-Irish-German-Polish girl, so I get the "mean streak."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQTq07gihqg

Gary said...

Hmmm, one commentor calls the color on that cake "puce," and another says the Polish flag has three colors on it. Are we on the Island of Color-Blind here (to borrow a title from Oliver Sacks)?

Anonymous said...

Yay! I'm Polish too! Well, also a blend of other English-ish stuff, but my dad's side is pure Polish/Ukrainian (I guess the border where my ancestor's village was was right on the border, so as the border shifted....so we say Polish/Ukrainian). My last name also has 1 vowel and 7 consonants (though I guess two of they Ys count as vowels). Go us! When I get married, I'm keeping it. It's super handy...when someone calls your house, you automatically know they're a stranger if they can't pronounce the name.

Allie said...

OBRZYDLIWY!

We Poles just have a way of rockin' it.... but no one can rock that icing color.

Anonymous said...

Also, is "Polish" the only word that is pronounced differently when it's not capitalized?

Anonymous said...

@:tjbmurph said...
ugh, I wouldn't touch that with a 6 foot Pole (wait, how tall are you?)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA - that was funny!

TB Tabby said...

http://www.kongregate.com/games/ChannelFour/battle-of-britain-303-squadron

Here's a Flash game based on something Polish people can actually be proud of.

Anonymous said...

AND, I think it's upside down!!!

Liz said...

@Anonymous -- No, I'm sure there are plenty of others. I grew up in a town called "Saline" -- pronounced "suh-LEEN" (as opposed to "saline," which is pronounced "SAY-leen").

FiberQat said...

This must have come from the Soviet occupation when everything was gray.

Anonymous said...

Wow. Happy Birthday, Zabel. I hope your birthday was filled with all you love most, and that your cake gave you a hearty laugh before you and your loved ones cut it into dozens of little bitty pieces and ate it.

~~Swan

Nimras said...

... Wow.

I'm curious to see their attempt at Libya's flag now. I suspect it would be the color of... I mean, yellow.

Leah said...

Rothko? Was not. Polish.


wv: entudeis. What we can entudeis from this work is that it is not art.

ladyrazorsharp said...

How do you say "barf brownish-pink" in Polish?

Jen said...

Here's my best Polish joke:
A guy is walking around with a big stick. Someone asks him, "Are you a pole vaulter?"
He replies, "No, I'm a Svede. But how did you know my name was Valter?"

Ha, see how I turned it around there?

Beth S said...

Speaking as a fellow Polish/Irish girl, this cake is awful but Cake Wrecks rocks!

Doris said...

Oh my! this cake is just, well I can't even expressed my feelings:P

I see there are many Poles here! Wow, I love this blog and visit often. I'm Pole too and live in Poland, so hugs and kisses to all my countrymen!

Anonymous said...

And that's not cardboard...it's Polish toilet paper. Ouchie!

Miss Mina said...

HOW did they get Sandra LEE to decorate their cake with her FAMOUS DEEE-lishis [gag] cinnamon laced frosting??

Is Sandra Lee Polish? Do they cook with a lot of cinnamon? Do they like their icing with that gritty texture? [hack]

So many questions! Not enough barf bags.

Kelly said...

Maybe that wasn't supposed to be the flag, but the packaging that a flag might be shipped in...

Gabster said...

That cake looks very unpolished.



W/V: redness - That cake is lacking it's redness.

Anonymous said...

Um, is that icing? Cardboard? Why, oh, why, is it taupe? Yes, taupe... that weird word that men cannot describe. Puce, btw, has some green in it, sickly green. *gulp*

As to being vowel challenged, I'm of German/Austrian descent, close to Poles, but still. We have one vowel in our name - and it's eight letters. I empathize.

Truly, how does one mess up a 2 color stripe flag? I fear for our cake future. Must have been a Chinese plot... watch out for the lead, too.

~~Di

(You don't have some Chinese thrown in there, too, do you?)
Just Czech-in

Amy said...

I think the saddest part is that it appears to have been made with that edible paper stuff and perhaps the ink cartridge was low and came out with poo color instead of red or the wreckerator thought it best to match the color....maybe no one will notice.....lol

http://amyscookingadventures.blogspot.com/

mizdarlin said...

Speaking as someone with only two vowels in her 7 letter last name, I can tell you that that is the flag of the Polish-Ukranian border duchy of Pukerania...and we don't take kindly to our flag, which was inspired from a detail from a camouflage rag someoneone found, being 'dissed' on the 'Net..we challenge you to a bake-off..

Our Crazy Family said...

Maybe the wreckerator is color blind and he/she is seeing a red and white cake.....hmmmm....if that is the case though...please someone tell them!

Tal said...

How dramatic to used dry Polish blood on the cake for emphasis.

Never let history buffs bake cakes.


Ever.

Anonymous said...

That stripe is exactly the color you get when you mix together a whole bunch of left-over house paints. So, there's probably red in there someplace.

Anonymous said...

What's a Pole? You do know that those Wikings went waping and pillaging all over Poland - there is a fine DNA difference between a Wiking and some Poles - especially in us blondes. And, of course, Poland is a slavic country with its boundaries changing on a yearly basis with the Russians and Germans/Austrians redrawing them for centuries. That's probably why we are so funny - not just because our last names are unpronouncable :-). Norine

Chocoboos said...

How do you screw up something so simple as the Polish Flag?

Next they'll screw up some poor Libyan child's birthday with a plain field of poo-brown cake.

(The Libyan Flag: http://www.appliedlanguage.com/flags_of_the_world/large_flag_of_libya.gif)

Anonymous said...

Then you must know about Polandball, eh?

http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/polandball

-Jessica

charity_crafter said...

Sorry gotta ask-how do we know that this is supposed to be a flag?

Kate said...

This reminds me of the MST3K episode where they make a quip about the soundtrack of the movie -- it sounds like the national (Mongolian? Czechoslovakian?) anthem. HIlarity.

http://arguingwithadoughnut.blogspot.com/

Ämma said...

What's so bad about being swedish?!
BORK >:(

Tricia L said...

Maybe the stockers were screwing around with the computer monitor the night before, you know, turning people green and purple. When the boss caught them and told them to get back to work, they didn't have time to reset the colors. Then the decorator comes in and finds an order for the Polish flag. And thus was born another cake wreck.

Isolder74 said...

Please tell me that is just a bad exposure on the photograph....I have no idea how someone managed to get a color that dull with frosting.

Anonymous said...

I think the Wreckonator was attempting to make the cake a pierogi-color...something to consider.


Sue (who's Mom is from Poland)

MamaBear said...

my MIL is polish. yeah, it's fun. i don't think i've EVER seen her make a cake, and DH says birthdays were no big deal growing up.

however. she has made certain to teach all her descendants how to say "kiss my a$$" in polish: (phonetically) boodgie dupaw.

that's what you get for mocking the DRIED-BLOOD color on that flag. you're welcome.

Jennifer E.

Craig said...

So here I am, thinking, "surely, even a wreckerator has enough respect not to write on a flag, so the 'flag' must be the patch of unpronounceable 'color' at the bottom." *Facepalm*

It is distinctly possible that the wreckerator was both colorblind and the only person in the shop who was aware of what was ordered. Thus, when the printer barfed, there was no way to know that it wasn't supposed to look like that. Two words: quality control.

BTW, for vowel-challenged names, just try to beat Wales.

Ferralyn said...

Not that there is an excuse for actually handing that cake to a customer, but I can guess what might have happened. Red food colors fade fairly quickly in bright light (think any 24 hour large supermarket where it's never dark). It may have been a lovely red color the three days before when they decorated the cake and set it aside. Shudder. Three day old cake - ew.

Anonymous said...

I wouldn't touch that with a 10 foot pole or two 5 foot hungarians.
Julie

Anonymous said...

i'm 100% polish and it's nice to hear you have polish blood in you! :D

Anonymous said...

All of my relevant comments about the cake have been made by others. However, to add to the color debate: I was taught that puce is the color of cockroaches (the big ugly dark ones) and that taupe is the color of elephants.

- MariaTeresa

Cyberjar88 said...

As I have a mixture of Irish, Russian, and German (among others), I can safely say that I don't know whether to be amused, insulted, or just plain confused by this awful excuse for a cake.

MollyMcB said...

Um, okay, uncensored version? I'm asking ...

Stephanie said...

Heh. You said Pole. Heh. Then you said butt.

Anonymous said...

If the Wreckorator who made that cake had attempted to translate the Polish national anthem into English, it would have looked something like this:

Poland isnt' dead yet
B/cause were still allive
We'll get back what they took
With swords (or maybe carrot riding mohawk babies...)

Carrie Miller said...

One question, unrelated to cake- If people from Poland are called Poles then why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

Anonymous said...

Half read, half white, very simple and they could not even do that correctly?

Ilze said...

I love the blog and I love these commentators - funny, funny!


W V - "curing" There's no curing a wrecked cake.

Arlene said...

That cake is just.. sad. Why decorate it with the color of poo?? I would never even go near it let alone eat that lol.

Wolverine Girl said...

Ämma said...

What's so bad about being swedish?!
BORK >:(

Oh Ämma, you took the words right out of my mouth. I'm not Swedish or Polish by the way. At least I don't think I am. It's hard to tell cause I'm adopted, but I seem to be some kind of Scottish person. Och! :D

Anonymous said...

I have to agree! How can they do such a misstake on one of the worlds easiest flags!? I mean what can they do!? Turn it up side down and make it to Monacos!?

And then I´m wondering the same thing as Ämma! What´s so ashameful about being swedish!?

snuzzle said...

I hope this doesn't post twice, because the first time I got an error. So here goes try number two.

I'm Polish on my father's side, and can't believe it took this post to realize that I had no idea how the Polish national anthem went or even sounded like. So I looked it up, got sidetracked by a video of a five year old Polish girl singing it completely (and adorably) wrong, and well, thanks to Cakewrecks that's how my morning went :)

Aliza said...

@anonymous at 10:56... no, that would be Indonesia :)

PS my family's from Poland too, originally (both sides). OK, today it's western Ukraine, and for a while it was Russia, but at the time they left for North America, it was still Poland. It really is impressive where all the readers here are from :)

Vee said...

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! Totally relate! Brilliant post (as always).

stitchgroover said...

Shamefull Sweden? As a proud man of Swedish descent, I take great umbrage to this highly inflammatory and outrageous remark. Never shall I return to this website.

KIDDING! I'm made from 100% Aussie beef, so who knows what kind of genetics I've inherited.

Love the site, it's first in my Favorites list so it's always the first site I visit every day.

Anonymous said...

One other way of wrecking (or re-purposing) a Polish flag cake would be to turn it upside down - then it would become an Indonesian flag cake - either that, or it would become a Polish distress signal, depending on which way you look at it... If you left the Polish flag the right way up it would become an Indonesian distress signal...

Anonymous said...

Re: words which are pronounced differently when capitalized - see also job/Job (the dude in the Bible what had all those horrible things happen to him) and tangier/Tangier (the city in Morocco).

Anonymous said...

i have to agree with charity crafter....how do we know this is supposed to be a flag, much less the polish flag???

Cupcakes Lady said...

Not the best ...is it?! ;) xx

Samara said...

Excuse my geographical ignorance, but I thought Indonesia was the one with red and white?