Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Ba-Loony

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

It's the beginner's basic: one round(ish) glob o' icing, and one string.

And yet...

Yeeeeah.


Er, sorry, but I'm afraid writing it doesn't make it true.


Well, I AM seeing something that starts with a "B"...

[looking around] Er...

[waving] Hi, kids!



Dude. Are those teeth?


You know what to do when you see packs of wild balloons running in opposite directions, right?

Thaaat's right: Check the expiration on all your prescription meds.



Look at this next Wreck long enough, and you'll begin to ask yourself some interesting questions:

Questions like, "Which way is up? Which way is down? Is that green circle supposed to be the string? And if so, why aren't the balloons attached to it? Hey, am I being Punk'd here? Is that show even ON anymore? And where did my friends go? Do I seem strange, standing here alone in this bakery, questioning a cookie? Answer me, random old woman walking by! ANSWER ME!!

"Oh. Sorry. Well, I didn't know you were called Dennis, now did I?"


Look out, Kerri. They've organized, and they're coming.


Which reminds me:

I bet it's a girl.


Early C., Tracy C., Heather P., Tiffany H., Vikki, Kim M., Kerri K., & Stacey, I'd say something about the sprinkles, but that just seems rude, you know?
The Boob Nazi said...

These balloons make me feel MUCH better about my Up cupcakes with balloons on them. They slightly looked like grapes, but they were better than these!

Count Mockula said...

No. They are not teeth. I may be too delicate to say what they are, though.

Anonymous said...

Ahahaha, Dennis. Thanks for the Holy Grail tie-in; it made my morning.

Whitney said...

No, they're not teeth...they're tampons.

jo said...

OMG too funny! LOTS of sperm balloons today...and some that look like Christmas lights (on the green loop of "string")

#1 deflated balloons or wimpy bouquet?

#3 boobs, sperm, or eyeballs with trailing nerves? I can't decide....

#4 eyes with leaky pupils or *gasp* TAMPONS???

#5 those are some plump sperm, er balloons, with very active tails, er, string. segregating themselves by color, racing to opposite ends of the color wheel perhaps? warm colors here, cool colors there....they look like they repel each other!

Zeitwolf said...

the white things on the pink-circled cake are tampons (unused). I know how those look like.

Katy said...

I think that fourth wreck looks like something that ladies use during their time of month...

whynotsmile said...

'Are those teeth?'

...not my first thought. Not my first thought at all. Though the 't' was right.

Donkaloosa said...

Heck, *I* could do a better job making icing balloons than these idiots, and I've never decorated a cake in my life! The one batch looked like demented eyeballs, and the rest looked mostly like...sperm. Or deformed sperm.

WV: ulaidism. I'm not even going to go there.

Leigh said...

Moistest? Two of those cakes say "moistest" and that's horrifying. I already hated the word moist and that just takes it into nightmare-inducing territory.

Fionna said...

Teeth or tampons?

Bakingdom said...

I despise frosting balloons! They always look obscene or fecal in some way, and never, ever do they actually look like balloons. If you want to give someone balloons for their birthday, WHY DON'T YOU BUY THEM ACTUAL BALLOONS?!?!

Amanda Mac said...

Come here, nice little cake decorator... see this lovely white coat? Such a nice coat. Put one arm in here...

Anonymous said...

Love the Monty Python reference!

genevra said...

You see teeth, I see tampons - even wreckier!!!!

elissa said...

On that last one, I'd say it's septuplets. It looks to me like seven little swimmers made it past the finish line.

kingshearte said...

I hope those are teeth, because that's actually more appealing than what I think they look like...

Linda said...

Awesome wit for a Tuesday!

Help, Help! I'm being repressed.

Joshua M. Neff said...

Are they teeth? or tampons?

Anonymous said...

Ummm - I don't think those are teeth. They are more feminine hygiene-y to me (in keeping with the "hi kids sentiment of the previous pic ;)

Donna said...

#4 looks like feminine hygiene products....YUCK

Tamara said...

Not teeth; tampons. What better way to "have a happy period" than to eat a tampon-adorned cookie cake?

joyce said...

to answer the question, "dude, are those teeth?" it seems to me they look more like tampons. I have never seen tampons on a cake. Nor do I ever want to see tampons on a cake. And now, they make all the other balloons look "used". so sad. so very, very sad. who could have imagined that balloon making was so difficult??

Trevor said...

Keri's balloons are pretty good, compared to everything else here. I think what distubs me the most, however, is that I"m not sure what the first one is. Is it a cookie? Is it a pie? It kind of looks like pie to me. Who decorates pie? Pie is fine on it's own! Let it be.. please wreckerators, let it be.

*ahem* sorry, I've composed myself now.

Kelly said...

I think the third from the bottom is supposed to be Christmas lights. Not that that is any excuse for how wrecky they still look, but that would answer why they're connected.

Internet Dude said...

Looks more like sorry dude we tried to be fake but had to show you in the cake that it really is not a good job lol!

Casey said...

#1 is a picture of colored cotton swabs.

#4...I'm afraid those are tampons.

Classic Steve said...

What's the B-word implied for #3? All I see are eyeballs with pieces of... oh, right, brains.

Classic Steve said...

I guess #3 is an eyes cream cake. Or an eye scream cake.

WV: grave -- Enough said.

Tricia L said...

Just reinforces the theory that cake decorators should have to pass a licensing test:

1. create a shell border
2. create a balloon
3. write "Happy Birthday" in block letters
4. write "Happy Birthday" in cursive
5. create a rose
6. remove the rose and repair icing
7. create a straight line using each piping tip

Okay, maybe #7 is too complicated for beginners. We'll save that one for the CCD license exam (Certified Cake Decorator).

Cara said...

The circle of ballons on the cookie look like vegetables to me. The blue-ish purple-y balloons look like eggplants, the yellow ones look like turnips, and the red ones look like misshapen tomatoes.

Because when you're about to eat a giant cookie, you want to be reminded to eat your veggies!

bigbadteddy said...

The one you said looks like teeth makes me think of tampons....

Anonymous said...

Okay, I'm familiar with "good jorb," but you lost me with "good job-ge"

Anonymous said...

Picture #3 looks like penthouse boobies and #4 is more the national geographic variety.

ladyrazorsharp said...

There must be a certain technique to making balloons.

Guess these poor wreckorators didn't get briefed on said technique. Some of them look like someone put down a blob of icing and then smeared it vaguely downwards with their thumb.

And I think this calls for another ban: The Cookie Cake. (ptooi!)

Renee H. said...

EPCOT!!!

uh... i mean...

TAMPONS!!!

btw, the idea of a cookie with frosting just sounds disgusting. ewwwww.

cookie + ice cream= yummy
cookie + frosting= toothache (tampon-ache?? lol)

dietplaid said...

This seems like the right time to recount the time I was blowing up balloons at work and a woman in her 50's comes in with a bag of balloons she wants us to fill for her son's bachelor party. Giant breast balloons. My coworker had to block the door because it was so awkward, filling boobie balloons in the grocery store. Needless to say we stuffed them in 3 trash bags and taped paper over it all so she could get home with them. Good times.

The Alphabet Gang said...

ARTHUR: Well, I didn't know you were called `Dennis.'
DENNIS: Well, you didn't bother to find out, did you?
ARTHUR: I did say sorry about the `old woman,' but from the behind you looked--

Cakewrecks and Monty Python. A match made in heaven! *clinks wineglasses together*

WV: "babifi" - When you tawk wike dis, you "babifi" youw speech. (Or you sound wike Baba Wawa.) Weawwy!

Anonymous said...

So glad I'm not the only one who looked at the 'teeth' and thought 'tampons'... Ugh.

Jecka said...

The "teeth?" one totally looks like tampons... oh my.

Anonymous said...

Oh yeah. Those are DEFINITELY tampons.

Anonymous said...

Those aren't sprinkles, they're chromosomes.

Anonymous said...

MONTY PYTHON REFERANCE.

sevenmarie said...

i think the cookie with the green string is actually supposed to be Christmas lights (the other cakes around it seem Christmasy)

no, this doesn't explain why half of them aren't attached, just why there is a green string :)

Anonymous said...

Ahh, Monty... now I have an excuse to go watch it again, just to get these images out of my head.

Not saying much, as everyone else voiced my opinions. Thoughts. Life-scarring visions.

I wonder if it could be a tie in to why my eye doc said I'm going blind?

~~Di

wv - krapso -- you figure it out - you're smart

The Rainbow Jen said...

Look out Kerri, Billy's Ballooon is after you! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fpc5vgi9zbM (Warning, don't be drinking near your keyboard for this one!)

Anonymous said...

Ha ha... Dennis.... good one

Cupcake Vigilante said...

glad to know I'm not the only one seeing tampons there lol

Anonymous said...

im a fan of the tampon cake ... maybe for a preteen girl ?? marking her ummm... adulthood??

Anonymous said...

I like how, on Kerri's cake, they didn't have room for the Y, so they just stuck it on the balloon

wv: alsor - and alsor, the last one makes me LOL!

Anonymous said...

The only way this could have been improved would have been to give us this gift on a Monday.

Leat said...

Fun to see my name spelled correctly on something! (Kerri)

Anonymous said...

I agree with Count Mockula. Those weren't teeth. Imagine them with white strings (instead of black) and you will understand what I saw.

Catherine said...

I don't know why, but when I saw photo #5, with the balloons going in opposite directions, I immediately was reminded of the opening scene of West Side Story. Actually, come to think of it that might be because those were the colors the gangs were wearing in the movie.

chonte said...

im sure someone had to have seen this... but those teeth are totally tampons!

Anne-Marie said...

@dietplaid: Your story is sad and so wrong! A mother being involved with her son's bachelor party is not right and eeewww-inducing on SO MANY levels. And who thought it was a good idea to ask a grocery store employee to blow up boobie balloons (actually, the mother providing the boobie balloons is eeewww-inducing, as well)? How does a customer explain that sight to her little one as she rolls past the party department? My suggestion would have been for the son's mother to go to the party store and purchase the home helium tank so she could inflate them herself. Some people have no pride...

Anonymous said...

No. 4 could be saggy boobies with tassels.

Anonymous said...

the 4th one down (teeth?) looks like tampons!

and i think the last one is a bunch of sperm all reaching the egg at the same time!!!!

Craig said...

I'm thinking just maybe these wreckerators do things like this on purpose...

"Ok, Bevis -- we get the oval balloons with the squiggly string. But turning the cake sideways for display is just overkill. Go have some coffee."

Little Lovables said...

yeah, I saw tampons too... guess i'm not as delicate as Count Mockula, ha!

HeatherH said...

Must be the "cookie effect" on those ballons. All the hideous balloons were on cookies were they not?
The segregated ones,which actually looked quite balloonish, were the only ones on a cake.
Yeah. No balloons for the cookies.

WV: cheakin
I think some of those wreckerators were cheakin.

Rachel said...

Do those cakes say "moistest"? It might technically be a word but gaw is it awkward to say. Not exactly genius advertising there.

Tara said...

The fourth balloon looks like tampons!

The Black Dog said...

I don't think those were teeth, they looked more like...

*checks for kids, sees none*

tampons

C.J Ellis said...

These balloons confuse and terrify me.
And they're no even the burst-y kind 0_0.

SB said...

@Chonte, if you look at the other comments before yours, you weren't the only one who noticed the tampon cake.

These are some really scary cakes.

Brook said...

The white ones there don't look like teeth at all! They definitely look like tampons to me!

Liz & Brad said...

Those aren't teeth... they are tampons! (apparently everyone else thinks so too!) :)

Anonymous said...

now when someone has a sperm density test for fertility purposes, sometime under the microscope they look a little gimpy. or swim in circles.

Some of these samples (er balloons) remind me of what that might look like. and the cookie (or cake) is just one big petri dish.

the blue ones and red ones on the bottom look like nice, healthy, active sperm, strongly swimming in the same direction. those are fertile cakes.

Anonymous said...

well why NOT have tampons on a cake? there's already been a pregnancy test on a cake! at least the tampons weren't real...

Meg said...

What I object to is that you automatically treat me like an inferior!

Aviatrix said...

The which way is up one depicts an eggplant patch.

Sarah said...

"Oh, King, eh? Very nice! And 'ow'd you get that then? By exploiting the workers! By 'angin' on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society! If there's ever going to be any progress..."

"Ooh, Dennis! There's some lovely filth down 'ere! Oh... how d'you do?"

Thanks- I quoted Monty Python all day at work. I'm not sure my coworkers knew I was THAT far gone. *GRIN*

Sasha @ Global Table Adventure said...

Awesome. My favorite so far.

Corinne said...

The ones that you said look like teeth, actually look like tampons to me. LOL

gamefreak3335 said...

Great blog setup you have here!

lopinslo said...

That last cake is totally a depiction of sperm fertilizing an egg. See, the sperm-balloon all the way to the left, its attached itself to the zona pellucidia of the egg and is undergoing an acrosome reaction - note the sprinkes representing the contents of the corticle granules.

Anonymous said...

The "tooth" picture looked more like tampons to my friends and I ... who wasted about an hour this morning after a STRESSFUL meeting on your site. Thanks for the laughs! :)

Gina said...

Balloon-fail cakes are just tops! But none of these live up to the cake with the teeny-tiny balloons you featured last year, which still reigns as my personal favorite wreckiest of wrecks.

Anonymous said...

the third one is not balloons at all (or boobies) it is clearly eyeballs pulled out of their sockets with veins hanging off of them.

BADKarma! said...

Third cake: disembodied eyes, complete with optic nerve.

Fourth cake: As Whitney observed, actually, they're tampons.

WV - dereq: Dereq of a giant cookie is somewhat less tragic, but still...

Anonymous said...

Good god, what is wrong with people? At least they did not look like the balloons in your book ;)

T said...

pretty sure some of those "balloons" running in a circle are actually eggplant, tomatoes, and squash. It's for happy vegetable day... because a cookie is the appropriate thing to serve on a day that's all about healthy foods.

Jan said...

Are the cake balloon designers on strike? Cuz these all look like they're not even trying...

Another Fatso said...

"Thaaat's right: Check the expiration on all your prescription meds."

LOL!

Sami said...

Have I properly told you how much I appreciate your fine taste in music, movies, and pop culture overall? No? Then here...
MONTY PYTHON FTW!!

Anonymous said...

yup, didn't see teeth first glance, either-then I realized the strings were how they were yanked out...(awkward silence)

-Barbara Anne

Tyler said...

You know, there's this joke where the punch line is:
"They're not condoms! They're balloons! For the party!" I think that's pretty applicable for exhibit 4.

Melissa said...

Can't believe no one's said it- "OK guys, we'll take the left fallopian tube, y'all take the right!" Go find that egg, guys!

Arlene said...

Aw those balloons running away from each other just want to avoid the moistest cake you have ever had.. or whatever that ad said on them lol. Too busy laughing at the ones that looked like boobs. Scary how a wreckerator can turn a balloon into a boob but I am amazingly not surprised by that turn of events..can't stop laughing...

Tales From the English Journal... said...

No, I bet it's a GRIL.

Freya said...

no dude, those are feminine products

Court said...

Darnit! Amy beat me to it. It probably is a gril.

L.B. said...

Supreme executive power derived from a mandate of the masses, not some farcical cake ceremony!
BE QUIET!

Anonymous said...

As an ex-grocery store decorator, I gotta admit balloons were the bane of my job! I NEVER figured out how to make those buggers look nice.

Katie said...

Ironically, I was reading this while watching a Daily Show report on how we're running out of helium, and the future of party balloons is in danger! At least we'll be spared these wrecks?

D said...

LMBO! The "Teeth" balloons look more like a cotton product only women use... which makes that design even less yummy. But its wrecks like these that make me addictedto the site! Thanks for the morning chuckle!

Paulitaz said...

Does anyone really enjoy eating these giant, frosted chocolate chip cookies? I'm always amazed that these still sell. Seriously, they are way too sweet and taste....gaudy. You know?

Anonymous said...

"I love that one, too, with the balloons all pink with cheese on them!"
My four year old enjoys that last one, but the rest were too weird for her. Not enough cheese, perhaps.

Marlee said...

No, not "it's a girl." It a Gril!

Kiraela said...

Thanks for posting a selection of balloon cakes the same day my mom almost died from contact with a latex balloon! And yes, that thanks is sincere - It cheered her up to know that there are still balloons out there that are so inept that they couldn't possibly be murderers!

WV: Dillesp - A pickle with a speech impediment.

Anonymous said...

Uhm... the white "teeth" look like tampons...

Kerri Renee said...

Haha! My name is Kerri, so this is awesome because I hardly ever see it spelled this way on stuff-now it's been wreckerated! YAY!

LauraCathrine said...

THIS is exactly why I hated working at a retail bakery in a grocery store. The "wreck"maker I worked with was horrible and was the "head designer" who was supposed to be "teaching" me... after I'd been decorating for over 5 years.
She made things to put in the display case that customers would literally look at and ask, "Ummm... WHAT IS THAT?" Sadly, most of the time, I had NO idea!

Amanda said...

Oooh, don't think I didn't catch the Monty Python reference there!

Bewbieroobie said...

Do boob balloons exist yet? Somebody should get on that.

Psst, Word Verification: "reasusn" isn't a word. Even if you have seen it written on a cake...

Anonymous said...

Tampons/Epcot....

Tomato/Tomahto

~Kathy D~

I used to be a person said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one who saw tampons.

Anonymous said...

It's the ATTACK OF THE RAINBOW SPERM!!!! RUN FOR IT!!!

Anonymous said...

I was thinking maybe tampons not teeth....

Queenie Jeannie said...

What's with the tampon cake???

Kimberly said...

Thank Heaven I'm not the only one that saw tampons on that one. I feel much better now.

Anonymous said...

@jo I've got a name for it! Eyeboobsperm

Mina Ashley said...

So many stages of mitosis/meiosis represented on cakes. It makes 9th grade science teachers proud.

Cupcakes Lady said...

Lol Yup... seeing tampons there lol xx

Kathleen said...

#5 looks like anaphase in mitosis. See?
http://www.dartmouth.edu/~cbbc/courses/bio4/bio4-lectures/images/mitosis.JPG

Anonymous said...

Eesh, makes me afraid to talk to my friends when they talk about wanting balloons at thier b-day party. BTW, is it possible to have HALF a balloon? My friends are dying to have one!!!
Friend: "I want a half balloon! Is that possible?"
Me: "You just gotta cut a normal one in half and add a flat side to the open side."
Friend: "I WANT one!!!!"
-B

Anonymous said...

On picture number 1, if you look real close it says '$8.00'

:D LOL

Jane age 10

Sinful Southern Sweets said...

Ok, as always, too funny!
Thanks for my morning laugh!