Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Ad Men

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Scene: Sterley-Crouper Advertising Agency; board room; 1961

Creative Director, Don Baker: "Alright, team. We have a meeting tomorrow with Happy Cakes, the nation's top confectionery company, and we need to win them over with the perfect slogan. First and foremost, get June in here to pour me some scotch."

Leggy Olstead: "Don, it's 9am."

Don: "Don't give me any lip, Leggy. Just show me what you have."

Leggy: [clears throat] "Well, Don, I thought it might be good to have a positive look on sweets."


Don: "It's a CAKE company, Leggy, not a cookie factory. And proofread your copy. We don't pay you to make a joke of this business. Did anyone bring any real talent to this meeting, or should we all just close up shop and head down to The Goodtime Gal for a drink?" [yelling into the hall] "June! Bourbon!"

Paul Krambel: "I wrote something, Don, and I think you'll be pleased with my attention to what Happy Cakes leaves out of their product."

Don: "Quit sucking up, Krambel, and just show me what you have."


Don: "Krambel, quit wasting my time. My secretary could have come up with something more creative. Speaking of my secretary... JUNE! VODKA TONIC!"

Leggy: "Don, perhaps you'll prefer a more abstract approach. Paul and I worked all night on this one."


Don: "Yeah Leggy, still a cookie."

Paul: "Don, I think what Leggy is trying to say..."

Don: "Listen. You're a creative team. It needs to be modern. Edgy. Like this slogan we wrote for Clydesdale Cigarettes last year."

Paul: "Yes, Don. That was genius. Very poignant. We have a few more ideas..."

Don: "Well, let's have it, already. And June, this glass isn't going to refill itself!"

Paul: "Consumers appreciate truth in advertising..."

Don: "Next."

Paul: "Eating a Happy Cake is like being in a fairytale..."

Don: "Next."

Leggy: "We were thinking if we rented bunny suits..."

Don: "NO. I've got it: We keep it short and sweet. Literally."

Paul: "It's brilliant, Don! Perfection at its best! You're a true master at advertising. Bravo! I love you."

Don: "Leggy, have the proofreader look this over. And have June order a case of scotch and a carton of Clydesdales for tomorrow's meeting with Happy Cakes. If you need me, I'll be at the bar."

David L., Jill G., Kristin and Christopher, Amanda J., Laux, Maria, Ed P., and Daphne, I'm going to need a new secretary. And someone to empty this ashtray. And get me a bottle of gin. Better make that two bottles of gin. And some scotch. ... And some vodka. ... I like to drink.
The Boob Nazi said...

I've tried for years to like Mad Men, but I just can't! I watched a couple of episodes from the 4th season last night, and Don is even worse than before! I can't like it.
But I did enjoy this post.

JW said...

Cake is Awesome! :D

Katja Yount said...

This is where I would insert a GIF of Orson Welles clapping slowly and deliberately.

Anonymous said...

Hubby and I make brandy old-fashioneds each Sunday night and take a drink whenever any Mad Men character does. Needless to say, our drinks don't last long. You hit the nail on the head with your commentary. Great post!

EG said...

If I bought grocery store cakes (which I don't), I would TOTALLY buy the Cake is Awsome cake! Love it!

Beckypdj said...

I like Mad Men :) and this post is dang funny!!

Anonymous said...

Hope the protrusions on the left of the "Wishes Come True Cake" wasn't part of the fantasy... ahem.. I mean fairy tale :)

Danger Boy said...

Perfect! Cake is awesome!
And thank you for putting Christina Hendricks in my brain this morning, though I do prefer her as YoSaffBridge.

Janelle said...

Perfection! I want to see Don and Betty and the kids in the next episode, LOL.

Anonymous said...

Number 1 - you're hysterical! The commentary was spot-on today. And I thought the "whoa" cake was rather pretty.
CC

bbbethanny said...

So... the one with the pigs: "NO MSG" Are they promoting MSG-free pork or was that a literal take on what was supposed to be "No Message?"

Anonymous said...

Having never seen Mad men, it was a bit lost on me, but still fun.

If you're really going to attract a new secretary, you might want to offer cake, not booze. A bite of cake each time another wreck comes in... wow - you'd be eating cake more often than Don drinks!

@ DangerBoy.. YoSafBridge is in a much better place than MadMen, any day. Gimme some Fly. Any day.

~~Di

WV bonalot... hmm, that fairy tale cake reminds me of ... oh, never mind.

Katie said...

Hahaha - I like the "poisoned" cake.

I'm totally doing that for my fiance's next birthday - his favorite thing to say when I cook dinner is "You poisoned this, didn't you." :P

The Litwillers said...

Cake is awesome...totally having that piped onto my birthday cake!

Tricia L said...

The real story behind each of these cakes might be even more entertaining than your commentary.

"This Cake is Poison" probably ordered by someone who knows her family/employees too well. The words will make them think twice before slicing it up before the party.

"No MSG"/pink poodle-pigs - full disclosure clause for law firm cake? The second cake has MSG? (Who puts MSG in a cake anyway?)

"Whoa" is, I suspect, a groom's cake, and this is his favorite expression. Too pretty to be a wreck.

Anonymous said...

But where was Codger Purling in all of this? Attending the auditions for decorators? ;)

I loved this post, Jen and John!

NiteNurse said...

Aw-some job Number 1! And the tone is an excellent juxtaposition to the old ads that Jen linked to yesterday in Epbot. Sexism run rampant(!). I just wonder how much June drinks. What year was Valium invented?

wv: pordsca: "I had to fire her after she pord sca- , scra-, umm, Scotch on me!"

Anonymous said...

I'm not worthy! (to have such a great blog to read every day)

Is it possible for you to get _even_ funnier and more creative every day? Apparently, yes. "Don Baker" Genius! Thanks for the laughs!--Laura from Pasadena

tofupuppy said...

Hysterical...but...

I think "Paul Krambel" is meant to be "Pete Campbell." But you seem to have forgotten about "Paul Kinsey" who would have been at "Sterley-Crouper" in 1961.

I'm a little too obsessed with that show, clearly...

ladyrazorsharp said...

LOL I half expected one to say "THIS CAKE IS A LIE" XD

Anonymous said...

Yes, cake IS awesome. Though I'll have to agree with Jim Gaffigan's sentiments about the advertising bit... "Do you think they worked hard on that song? 'What do y'got so far, Bill?' 'Uhh....Hot Pocket!' 'That's good, that's very good.... You've got a gift, my friend.'"

And on a completely different, nerdy note, Happy Hobbit Day!!

Kate said...

I think the little pig (dog?) is adorable.

ADORABLE.

http://arguingwithadoughnut.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...

didnt anyone else realise that they spelt Awesome wrong!!!

Heidi D said...

Lower your voice! he he

I love Mad Men. I wonder who will be Don's new secretary. I'll miss the old one. She was great.

And yes, cake is awesome.

Steve the Pocket said...

YEAH COOKIE! Wasn't that a Heywood Banks song? No wait that was YEAH TOAST! Oh well. I'd rather have a cookie than toast anyway.

Sandra said...

This blog makes me want to run out and buy buttercream icing and eat it out of the container with a soup spoon! :)

andygirl said...

best. post. ever!

and I freaking hate that suckup "Paul Kramble."

Gary said...

Cake #2 has no MSG, but apparently it's made out of Pomeranians.

tiny purple elephant said...

the "whoa" and "cake is awsome" cakes are so well done.

Siouxzr said...

I agree! Yeah, Cookie & Cake is awsome. If we all gave each other cakes with these kinds of messages the world would be a happier place.

On the other hand -- cake # 6 is butt ugly. Was this an entry in an ugly cake contest?

WV stsinew -- the patron saint of ligaments and tendons.

Anonymous said...

I adore Mad Men and got a real kick out of this post. You captured Pete's... er, I mean, Paul's slimy, fake sycophantism pretty well.

I do wish, though, that you'd included Roger Sterling for a couple of one-line zingers.

Erica said...

I was surprised to see the price sticker on the first cookie cake was in US currency. It looks like something you'd see on Chinglish.

archersangel said...

cake is awesome, can't argue with that.

Anonymous said...

Was it just coincidence that you chose "Happy Cake"? There was an episode of Sealab 2021 that included a parody of Easy Bake Ovens with the slogan
When you want something yummy,
Put a Happy Cake™ in your tummy.

BADKarma! said...

"Cake is Awesome" is going to be my Facebook status for the next two hours.

"Cakewrecks" is awesome!

WV - untede: Coloquial slang, similar to "off the hook". "Dude, that pig cake was UNTEDE!!!"

Anonymous said...

I actually really like the last cake, though it is missing a letter.

The "truth in advertising" bit with the "poison" cake reminded me of "Crazy People" - one of the best movies ever made. "Volvo - Boxy. But Good."

JAN BRADEL said...

Hehe...You mean to tell me they sneak MSG into cakes too?!

clan of the cave hair said...

what? No severed foot? It can't be Mad(dish)men and cake with no severed foot, sorry. I don't buy.

sdreader said...

He he he! Fantastic post! Can't stop laughing! Thanks.

Travie said...

I was laughing all the way through this! Showing my support and following :D

catchat105 said...

That last one is a Costco cake, isn't it. I've seen that rainbow many times at my church's monthly birthday celebration (as in we celebrate people's birthdays.... not that we celebrate the church's birthday every month). >_>

Kaede said...

I think the "Wishes come true" cake is the back of an alien head (A REALLY big one) as seen from the other side of the hill.

Anonymous said...

Hehe all of those ads will fail

Katherine said...

I have three degrees in English (BA Hons, MFA, PhD). I like laughing sometimes at unintended meanings happening because of misspellings. But I studied Anglo Saxon and I've looked closely at pidgins, creoles, and colloquialisms. I know how fluid the English language has been and can still be. I'm also aware of how beautiful this fluidity can be in some novels, poetry, etc.

I get a little uncomfortable with finger waggling over spellings at times. Dictionary spellings and definitions come AFTER usage, not the other way around, except when you have cunning dictionarians who try to improve the language.

This site pokes a lot of fun at misspellings. I would like to point out that "alright" is considered a misspelling. Though it has been seen in print as "alright" since 1893 and will eventually make it into the dictionary.

Just a thought.

Arlene said...

Lol I don't watch Mad Men but this made me want to! I agree with that last cake.. it is awesome indeed if they could spell. Ah well could be worse they could have had naked ladies giving birth.. wait that was last post *hides* I am still recovering lol.

Heather said...

I wish I had an awsome cake.

Craig said...

"It is the __'ery mice day for a chocolate chip COOKIE." Okay....

"NO MSG". I certainly hope there is no MSG in either cake or pomeranian / pig hybrids.

"Whoa whoa whoa." Nicely done. Cryptic, but nicely done.

"Cake is awsome!" So is correct spelling!

'Have a mice day' could be the perfect stealth-snarky sign-off, especially if spoken quickly.

Wholesale Chanel Handbags said...

Oh my. It's a good thing I wasn't drinking anything when I saw the "Got Milk?" cake cause I'd have sprayed it all over my monitor.

Mollie said...

Love, love, love the rainbow one!!!

john (the hubby of Jen) said...

Hi Katherine,

The word "alright" is in every dictionary today including Merriam-Webster. It is also recognized by every spell check that I know of. It has become our goal at CW to bring the word to the masses and out from under the scornful thumbs of English Teachers everywhere.

I will never understand why, when defending our unbelievably wonky English language, people choose to pick on such an adorably harmless contraction.

My favorite English joke:

English doesn't borrow from other languages. English follows other languages down dark alleys, knocks them over, and goes through their pockets for loose grammar.

john

Amanda said...

I love to drink too! (And I love how "awesome" was misspelled, but you can hardly tell because of that little curly part and how generally happy and pretty and cheerful the cake is.)

Anonymous said...

A Mad Men cakewrecks parody?! Best post ever!

Tova said...

I actually kinda like the dreams come true cake! :)

Anonymous said...

Please, God, let the wreckorator of the first cake (cookie) not be fluent in English.

If English is a fairly recently learned language, the message is amusing, but charming (albeit somewhat inscrutable).

However, if English is the wreckorator's first language ... *shudder*

wv: furrace. June got a furrace from Codger.

Katherine said...

It shows genuine good humor to accept a little teasing as well as dishing it out.

—Usage note
The form alright as a one-word spelling of the phrase all right in all of its senses probably arose by analogy with such words as already and altogether. Although alright is a common spelling in written dialogue and in other types of informal writing, all right is used in more formal, edited writing.
Based on the Random House Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2010.

Anonymous said...

http://sliceofcake.deviantart.com/gallery/

Sooo, the contact page is for wrecks, and these certainly aren't--but they're amaaazing! So I'm posting a link on the comments. Yah :D

Jennifer said...

If I saw the chocolate chip cookie (or just about any of the cakes on this post, really) I would be tempted to buy it just because it makes me laugh so hard. :)

Anonymous said...

The "Whoa" cake is really quite beautiful, if nonsensical. Could it have been for the Kentucky Derby?

I don't watch Mad Men, but have heard enough about it to "sort of" get the jokes. This is really well done.

John - loved the grammar joke!
physicsmom