Monday, August 30, 2010

Where Dreams Come Through

Monday, August 30, 2010

Welcome to BisneyLand, the amusement park that's in no way affiliated with Disneyland, but is just as good - and cheaper, too!

Once you enter the gates of our mystical castle-land of joy, you'll be greeted by our lovely royal ladies:

Cinderallie and her clear resin shoes are always the hit of the ball.


Princess Yasmine and her flying doormat will show you a "whole 'nother world."


And TinklesWell the Winged Wonder is sure to be your day's #1 delight!


We also have fabulous entertainment:

Princess Areola and her pals Haddock, Skittle, and Captain Crabby Pants may prefer life "under the ocean," but they still enjoy singing their big musical numbers, "Check Out My Cool Stuff," and "I Can't Talk, So Let's Make Out!"


Kids young and old will love dancing with Snow Light and her seven short friends with beards:

They'll soon have you "Hee-Hawing" off to your own place of employment!


And don't forget Pretty, our good-looking girl:


And of course her friend Not-So-Handsome!

Together they invite you to "be our visitor!"


Anony M., Allison M., Clau, David I., Amanda S., Mona S., & Kristyn, how crazy would it be if a place like this actually existed? Oh, wait...
mzmclean said...

Mr Not So Handsome IS kinda awesome I must admit!!

The Boob Nazi said...

Those eyes on the first cake will haunt me all day today.

Deirdre said...

These cakes are actually an argument for plastic flotsam (in moderation, of course) for those girls--like my daughter--who insist on princess cakes. The choking hazard is much less dangerous than the prospect of looking at those cakes.

Katie said...

Anyone catch that the first cake says "Hoppy Birthday"? That makes it even better...

Amanda Mac said...

Hmmm... that Tinkerbell cake looks suspiciously like some bad tattoos I've seen floating around the web. Perhaps the wreckerators and tattoo artists attended the same school?

Meg said...

OMG...are those supposed to be "hands" on "Pretty"???? *shudder*

MJ said...

wow, I was on reader, and It said you had posted this two minutes ago, and already 3 comments!!!! I love this site!

Lynn said...

I wonder why the princesses in Bisneyland don't have noses. Is it some sort of weird inbreeding defect? You know how those royals are.
Lovely post. I shall think of you everytime I use the name "Tinkleswell", which will be often today :)

SCHLOOOOP said...

1. The first one said "Sloppy Birthday" before that first piece was cut. That's certainly an "O".

2. Judging by where Tinkleswell's legs start....her Who-Ha is showing. Cover up girl.

3. Mr. Notsohandsome is the bestest cake eva.

Anonymous said...

Poor AManda! If only the Sno-Lite on her cake had some teeth! Somebody get this lady some choppers. And somebody please, please put some pants on Tinkleswell Good grief!

Shanti said...

"Pretty" looks like it was inspired by Patrick Swayze in To Wong Foo.

Carol said...

Princess Yasmin shouldn't go walking out in the woods....or at least shouldn't fall face first into a pile of poison sumac....those blisters are painful!

WV -- oyarys --- I agree with the person above who said to get some pants on Tinkleswell.....you can almost see her oyarys!

Trevor said...

I swear, the last one is that character from Land of the Lost, but I can't remember his name of the life of me. But it, and the one before it, are scary. Poor kid who got those for their birthday.

Amy said...

I don't understand why they need textured faces. Yasmine has a bad case of the mumps!

LaMaryKen said...

Good grief, "Yazmine" looks like she's contracted smallpox.

Sharon said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rhonda said...

so following the link they all say "we aren't copying Disney" just like the Japanese aren't killing whales. What a joke.

Polyrhythm said...

... Princess Areola. *snigger*

Sharon said...

I can only guess that the wreckerators were trying to avoid being arrested for recreating copyright images of Disney characters and made them look like that on purpose.

Most of those ladies look like they've had too many Botox injections.

Tink needs some undies (where's that Barely There teddy?) not to mention plastic surgery and a bone specialist.

I couldn't even tell who the last female one was SUPPOSE to be.

Sharon's Edible Art

Fluffy Cow said...

Way to scoot around the copyright infringement!!

I'm kinda loving the Mr. Not So Handsome.

Fluffy Cow said...

OMG!!! That link!!!! I'm going to be laughing all day!!

Beccy said...

SnowLight looks like a Shrinky-Dink.

Kalendi said...

Tinkleswell also looks like she is very klutzy! These are so wrong in every sense of the word, but so funny! I almost choked laughing!

Donna said...

I spied Spongebob's very own Mr, Krabs on Princess Areola's cake! Awesomeness on a Monday!

Renee said...

sooooo....

Bisneyland princesses = strippers??
or maybe they're all *really* into plastic surgery.

i mean really, look at those faces!
no noses, HUGE lips, not a wrinkle in sight...

wait, is Bisneyland located in Hollywood???

Moggypie said...

Why is Princess Areola perched on top of a stack of pancakes?

French Bean & Coffee Bean said...

Wow. Just wow. I can't believe that park actually exists. o_O"

-French Bean

Anonymous said...

LOL, as always you guys make Mondays (and the rest of the week too) so much better!

Princess Areola looks like she’s on a “fireman’s hose” instead of a rock.

TinklesWell needs to cover up. Seriously. She looks like she’s had a little too much pixie dust and is just letting herself go. And what is up with her hands? To me, it look like they are palms up and her fingers are bent in a way they can’t.

Yasmine cake – didn’t know h’s & d’s had a line through them like t’s. Also looks like she’s had an allergic reaction to the Botox injections.

Pretty only has three fingers and no nose? Makes you wonder which one is really the Beastie.

wv: Versici: Since Bisneyland can’t afford Versace, they use a lesser-known designer: Versici.

Anonymous said...

I wish I hadn't just seen TinkerWell's nonprivate nonparts...

Anonymous said...

I'm still scratching my head on the Not-so-handsome. My only guess is that it is supposed to be really wrong. If so, it came out perfectly.

Those princess faces -- I've tried to make them, Wilton and all -- it never goes well when someone asks for lips. Never. The stuff nightmares are made of.

Please, save us - go for the choking hazard plastic flotsam. Some of those mouths could swallow their entire face.

"Mommy, why is Areola sick?"

*sigh*
~~Di

Amanda said...

Is it just me or does 'Pretty' look more appropriate for a bento box than a cake? I swear her 'skin' looks like sliced turkey, and the icing looks more like mayo. Blech.

diddleymaz said...

The fairy is Desperate Dans sister!!http://www.dandy.com/Idols/30/dan

Anonymous said...

That first one is from the Wilton Cinderella pan... professional bakers aren't supposed to be using the aluminum Wilton character pans, are they? (I've done that one and it wasn't easy getting that face right... wouldn't have let it go like that though!)

Kimberly Chapman said...

What's particularly sad is that you can tell that at least on some of those, real effort was put in, and it still didn't work. I feel kind of bad for those people. If they were amateurs then I'd think they were awesome for such great efforts, but the mind still boggles that so many people seem to be able to make a business out of such lack of skill. How do such decorators keep their jobs, or ever get subsequent orders?

ShinyGreenApple said...

Yasmine should really see a dermatologist, that looks serious. And 'Pretty' looks like Lady Tottington from Wallace & Grommit: Curse of the Were-Rabbit. I'd feel bad for any of the girls who got these cakes :(

Anonymous said...

Oh, Princess Areola - you've had way too much botox and collagen!

Anonymous said...

Trevor:

Chaka - from Land of the Lost.

Molly said...

Is it just me or does Tink have a bit of man-face going on. I know girls play peter pan..........so are they flipping it and letting dudes pay Tink?

Anonymous said...

One of the best entries ever! :D

Bethany said...

This amused me greatly...especially the cake that had my name on it :)
It makes me sad that another Bethany somewhere in the world had to endure that cake.

Maru said...

Princess Yasmine should be the mermaid. She looks like a fish already!

Julie said...

These princesses need to stop with the collagen injections! Holy cow, how much bigger can their lips get?

WV: Expla. As usual, there is just no way to expla these wrecks--they defy all reason.

愛 - ちゃん said...

Jasmine looks like she had a lot of pimples... and on her lips too!

de Pizan said...

Is Snow Light's face melting because she looked at the Ark of the Covenant?

Bree said...

Have the princesses been going to the same plastic surgery? And TinkerWell looks more like Tonya Harding.

CelloShots said...

The mermaid-esque one looks creepily like Katharine Hepburn!

Brat said...

Princess Areola! ROFLLLLLL!!!!

tiny purple elephant said...

tinkle-bell made me laugh,
snow-white made me cry,
belle and arielle made me fall off my chair..

My PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT BELOW:
Edible images are now available, simply print and place on cake..

did anyone else think that the snow white, was the wicked step mom wearing snow's clothes...

Rebecca F. said...

Princess Yasmine looks like she has mumps!

camcraftymom said...

Does Snow Light have 5 o'clock shadow?

ladyrazorsharp said...

Whoa. I'm not the biggest Disney fan but these make even me wince. I think Snow Whatever-her-name-is needs a shave...looks like she's got an unfortunate case of 5 o'clock shadow. Pretty is actually the best of all, but is still pretty (ha) wrong.

The rest are the kinds of things that make little girls cry.

And Fake-Chinese-Disneyland is hilarious. Scary, but hilarious.

Sandy of SoFla said...

The expression on Tinkwell's face is great!. Looks to me like she look in a mirror before she took flight and didn't realize how short her outfit was until she flew over the boys in Neverland...

Jessica D said...

Is it me, or does Jasmine's face resemble Spaceship Girth? (not to be confused with Epcot, dammit. or Epbot.).

Sorry for the negative feedback, but the new pop-up ads are severely irritating.

Anonymous said...

TinklesWell: the drag queen version of Tinkerbell.

john (the hubby of Jen) said...

Jessica D.

We don't allow pop-up ads. If you're seeing one, email me and let me know and I will promptly yell at someone. I hate them like carrots.

john

Monica said...

I know that Peter Pan is usually played by a woman in the stage production, but I never knew that "Tinkleswell" was played by a dude. Huh.

*refrains from making "fairy" jokes*

Anonymous said...

Snow White looks like a longshoreman!

lizzied said...

Snow Light = Freddy Krueger in drag.

Lauren said...

The faces seem to be the biggest issue. The sliding eyes, the vanishing noses... Creepy.

Anonymous said...

"Tinkles Well" and "Princess Areola"... my mind, it went to a naughty place.

Anonymous said...

"Check Out My Cool Stuff," and "I Can't Talk, So Let's Make Out!"

and "Our good-looking girl" Way too funny.

You are great, Jen!

--kate

Rawr said...

Is it just me or are "Pretty"'s face and dress made with Swiss and American cheese?

Pandora said...

Snicker... You said Areola

Mom_Of_Three said...

I think the last one is supposed to be the main guy from "Where the Wild Things Are". Just guess though.

Dawn Peterson-Smith said...

I'm guessing BisneyLand is where the follically-challenged go to grow more hair! My statement is based on the 5 o'clock shadow on Snow Light and that she has SEVEN short friends with beards!

Since there are seven, that can't be a copyright infringement! Everyone knows Bashful doesn't have a beard!

w.v. rancimph - I entered that 5K race but rancimph 4K instead.

Not Jenny said...

Warning: Do not read this post with a five-year-old girl peeking over your shoulder. You will end up going deaf from the "I want that cake..oh wait, I want that cake...no, I really want that cake (repeat ad nauseum)"

She isn't picky--she thought the cakes looked just fine!

Claire said...

*SNORT*

"Princess Areola"...that's just a tit funny!

Amanda said...

My 2yo daughter recognized all of these as I scrolled down. She squealed with glee as they appeared. And then I got to the last one, "Mommy, that one is just funny looking."

Jerry said...

I think the kindest thing to do is eat these cakes as soon as possible. Cover them with ice cream first, for aesthetic reasons of course.

Christy W. said...

Pretty looks more like Michael Jackson than a Disney character.

Moxie said...

The aversion to noses is a bit disturbing...

jo said...

Cinderella looks like "Sloth" from the movie Goonies. And the lack of noses and terribly bumpy complexions are a little disturbing.

great character replacement names, btw!

Moxie said...

My six-year-old insists the first one is pretty, deranged eyes and all.

The rest she wasn't so impressed with.

destinie said...

I absolutely LOVE the line, "Together they invite you to be our visitor"

This is my new favorite post

SarahC said...

Is that last one supposed to be Hagrid?? The sign reminds me of Harry Potter's birthday cake in the Sorcerer's Stone (Happee Birthday Harry, I think it read.) But he looks like Sasquatch.

Kelsey said...

is it just me, or does it look like Cinderallie is the victim of an ant infestation?

of sage and sepia said...

Good grief! People, back away from the icing!! These are frightening - the eyes on the first one look like something from a Halloween fright-fest, the mouth on Jasmine is B.A.D., and what's with the shiny rows on Snow White?

Sometimes nothing says lovin' like a Sara Lee!!

Anonymous said...

the last pic really reminds me of chaca from land of the lost (awesome movie) loved the pics, the link at the end was even better though with the chinese theme park claiming minney was a cat with big ears XD you never dissapoint :)

Let Them Eat Cake said...

It could be worse: [IMG]http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y1/lacroixbsd/LitttleMermaidLasCrucesstyle.jpg[/IMG]

[image not appropriate for children]

wv: exprorin - these wreckerators were exprorin their creative options.

Becky said...

As disturbing as they are, I'm surprised that what inspired me to comment this time is the name on "Pretty"'s cake. As one of the "Rabeka"'s of this world, I have to say that Hooked on Phonics apparently worked a LOT better for me!

Anonymous said...

aww... I kinda love klutzy tinkerswell!

Kara said...

Holy cow! I didn't know Disney had a line of "alternate dimension" Princesses.

crownring said...

Yeeesh, Snow Light looks like she's gone 3 rounds in the ring with George Foreman!

But Mr. Not So Handsome is actually kinda cute in a way.

Anonymous said...

this is disney on drugs

Kate said...

All these cakes look like a good take off of the cartoon, Futurama.LOL

Anonymous said...

Pretty looks like she belongs on the set of the next Twilight film.

Bec said...

Wow ... "Pretty" is pretty scary. Especially the hands.
That last one looks a little bit like one of the monsters from "Where the Wild Things Are".

Sara Redd said...

Nice blog! It makes me laugh.

Arlene said...

I am guessing in this theme park all the princesses noses are missing and they look like they got run over by a steam roller lol. Scary, funny but oh so very scary. And of course one cake looks like it says Hoppy birthday on it.. man these wreckerators are just asking for trouble lol.

shikishinobi said...

I have an instant thought on Disney whenever I see it, but I am not sure if I am allowed to post direct links here, so just youtube 'Tiny Toons Disndey". It is about 17 seocnds long, but you'll laugh. It is my instant (and basically only) responce today. i can see it rocking up in the next round of disney.

Craig said...

#1 Hoppy Birthday from the folks at Disney-Picasso Studios! Check the right arm attachment, for example. At least the right arm is there...

#2 Odd textures are probably not the key to avoiding copyright infringement on a cartoon character. Ditto deleting the nose or turning the character into a flapper.

#3 Tink looks much the worse for wear. In addition to the wardrobe malfunction, she seems to have sprained her left ankle. Anyone seen Peter Pan? Think I'll pass on the cake, but get me some eye bleach, stat.

#4 I guess it's true about salt water and hair. Funny how that is never an issue in cartoons...

#5 Snow Light certainly is shiny. What's the deal with the sinewy arms -- was Madonna the model?

#6 Poor Rabeya. I'm thinking 'Birthday' should have been on the left, under 'Happy'. It would look better, that's all. Really. What is that supposed to be -- a ghost with pink lips and red hair? One more thing -- where does anyone see hands?

#7 Somebody just had to go and give Cousin It a makeover. Couldn't leave well enough alone, could we. Good thing I have that 24-hour shock therapy place on speed dial...

Why is 'Nowhere Man' suddenly running in the background of my mind like a soundtrack while I mentally search the characters of 'The Phantom Tollbooth' for a match to 'Rogaine Ron'?

Anonymous said...

Haha, I love it!
MRM

dragongoddess said...

That first one looks like it was painted by Picasso.

Amanda said...

Bahahahaha! I almost FELL OUT OF THE CHAIR at "Check Out My Cool Stuff," and "I Can't Talk, So Let's Make Out!"

oh man. Good stuff. You guys rock.

crystal said...

...Princess Yasmine...

Drop the E and that's the name of a popular birth control pill.

*falls over from laughing*

Kellie said...

"Princess Yasmine" or Tori Spelling?

Ambry said...

on Princess Yasmin[e]...
with a face like that, who needs birth control?!

bah-da-bum!

BADKarma! said...

What the HELL is that last one!???!!!

WV - tritche... That last cake makes me a rittle tritche...

ClaireBear said...

Dear Sir and Madam: I would like to lodge a complaint about your services. I laughed so hard at this entry that my throat hurt and at times I couldn't breathe properly. Each time I calmed down, I continued to read, and the laughter would flare up again, causing more strain on my vocal cords. On more than one occasion, I fell over from the laughter.

Wait a minute... this isn't a complaint, it's a thank-you note! (Well, except for the pain. But there was no lasting damage, so I forgive you.)

Keep up the well-written hilarity!

Mags said...

Dear Princesses,
Stop with the lipo and collagen injections! You just aren't looking quite like YOURSELVES.....!

Len said...

The "TinklesWell" cake says 'Felicidades', congratulations in Spanish.

That's pretty much why you don't see wreckporters from where I live, it's too easy a job.

Anonymous said...

TinkerWell's skirt is wayyyyy too short, Princess Areola looks like she would kick your butt if she had legs to do it with, SnowLight looks like Freddy Krueger, and Pretty looks like Boy George. I'm scared.

Sharon said...

Is it? Could it be? Is that last cake a Gobbledock?

Surley not. But still...

"Chippie, chippie, chippie..."

aimee_not_amy said...

TinkersWell's skirt isn't quite long enough, is it? Ah well, all's fair in love and Bisneyland!

Little Lovables said...

Not so Handsome is kinda amazing! I so want that for my husband's 30th coming up.

Anonymous said...

WHOA, DID THAT FIRST CAKE SAY "HOPPY BIRTHDAY"? XDDD

Chantelle said...

"These are FREAKS!" said the 8yr old.

Cupcakes Lady said...

I wish I hadn't just seen TinkerWell's nonprivate nonparts - Me too! haha xx

Anonymous said...

Cinderella, Jasmine, and Belle don't have noses!! D: But I guess that's the least of their problems. XD

crimsion said...

Oh my god.
Areola...-snigger-